Chapter Text
I have known Lucas since forever. He is my best friend and a football player. He plays for our local team but wants to join Liverpool someday. I think he has the chance to get there. I also play football… but at the beginning of the school year I broke my leg. Literally. It’s almost healed, though I still need to wear the brace and walk with crutches.
The sound of notification breaks the silence of the night. I lean for my phone, almost rolling off my bed.
LUCAS
-Bro, check this out (devious emoji)
MARTIN
-Dude, why are u up? Didn’t you go to sleep at like… 21??
LUCAS
-Shut up. Look
-(sends a nude of a classmate)
MARTIN
-Hell yes
-Where did you get this???
LUCAS
-She sent me (fire emoji)
MARTIN
-I don’t believe you
-Girls don’t send stuff like this everyday
-You didn’t just ask her, did you
LUCAS
-Nah, she just sent me this shit, I didn’t even think about her lowkey
-Makes the night better tho, yk it keeps me up
MARTIN
-Definitely (devious emoji)
-Broo, why isn’t anyone sending me this, toooo
LUCAS
-Guess I’m hotter
MARTIN
-Fuck you, dude
LUCAS
-Someone is getting jealous
(Oh no, he didn’t just call me jealous)
MARTIN
-Shut up
-Go jerk off
LUCAS
-U too
I turn off my phone and stare at the ceiling for a while. I can’t shake the feeling that something’s bothering me. The question is what. I pull out the pic and try to do my thing, but… I can’t really feel anything. I can’t believe that Lucas told me that I’m jealous… obviously I’m not… or am I? I shake my head, and after another while of staring at the ceiling, I fall asleep.
At school I can’t stop staring at him. It’s hard not to do so, because he sits at this perfect place across the classroom, where I can see him perfectly. But why the hell?
It seems like I have nothing to do in the afternoon... When I get home, I’ll text him, whether he wants to go out with me.
MARTIN
-Yo, you have time?
LUCAS
-No, not now, later maybe? Football practice.
(Ugh)
-Why?
MARTIN
-Nothing, just bored.
LUCAS
-We can meet at 6
MARTIN
-Great
So, 6 p.m. it is. The afternoon seems like a blur, nothing out of the ordinary.
6 p.m. came and we meet up at the park. We walked to the football pitch and talked meanwhile. Mostly about school shit or football, games, our normal stuff. It feels nice… I almost forgot about the pain in my leg. We haven’t been out together for a while, now. When Johnny, our classmate, approaches, the atmosphere is ruined. Also, my leg starts hurting. Again.
“Jonathan!” We dap up, and I sit down on the nearest bench. The rest of the evening goes smoothly, although I wish I was alone with Lucas a bit longer.
I catch the bus home and get home at 8. At home, I eat dinner, and then my mom drags me over to the living room to watch some stupid movie. Then I get ready for bed.
MARTIN
-Today was nice
LUCAS
-Bro, what’s happening?
-You sound like you’re gonna kill yourself, soon, lol
MARTIN
-Nah, dude, I was just thinking.
LUCAS
-About?
MARTIN
-Nothing really, just that today was pretty good.
LUCAS
-True
-But when Johnny came…
-It felt like it was ruined
(He thinks the same?!?)
MARTIN
-Hmmm, wdym?
(I know exactly what he is talking about)
LUCAS
-Leave it.
He went offline. I throw myself on the pillow and stare at the ceiling. Again.
The next day. The 1st 2 lessons go boringly, as always. Then the big break comes. While most of our class is on the brunch in the cafeteria, I go to the toilet. I was just about to enter the restroom, no one in the bathroom. Then the door opens.
- Mat, are you here?
The voice says. It’s Lucas.
- Maybe.
I say, jokingly.
– What, do you want something?
- Haha, very funny
Pause
- just needed to get out. I’m getting kind of a headache from Johnny, lol
- Sounds reasonable.
I pause, thinking.
- Hey, were you trying to find me? Like, on purpose?
- Maybe…
He walks closer to me. This strange wave of heat goes through me, but I try to ignore it. Does he feel it, too? …Oh my god, why does he look so… I see he wants to say something, but the bell interrupts him.
- We should go, I guess
I say, patting him on the shoulder.
- Let’s go
He nods. We enter the classroom just before the teacher arrives. Ugh. Brown. I cannot decide whether she is the best teacher (I mean *professor*) on the Earth, or the worst one. She keeps on telling us, that we are, as she says “Oxford Cambridge” and “elite” or some shit. It’s annoying. She also randomly mentions my name, (not only mine, but you get the drill) for example, this is what she told my classmate last time: “if you were a guy, you would already get an F. Mathias would have already gotten F.” Why is it kinda sexist, tho? That’s not my point. Anyway. I’ve gotten used to it. But it still bugs me sometimes.
Nothing interesting happened later that day. Untill…
LUCAS
-Hey, Mat
(He texted me! Wait, why am I so excited?)
-U up?
MARTIN
-Yep
-Whatchu want?
LUCAS
-IDK, I’m bored.
MARTIN
-Same, dude
-U know what, I didn’t get Green’s crashout today. She almost fuckin’ ended us.
(Gosh, I’m texting with Lucas and I can’t even think of any better topic than school? Well, now I have to *nonchalantly* hope that the convo will get better.)
LUCAS
-Right?
-I mean… we didn’t do anything, at least I think so.
-We could’ve, tho
MARTIN
-We could’ve been naughty…
-I mean WHAAAAT (cry-laughing emoji)
LUCAS
-Who said that???
-Would you be naughty with me?
MARTIN
-Oh, obviously
(Is he being serious or joking, ahhhhhhhh, but like, I mean… I wouldn’t mind)
LUCAS
-Oh, and for legal reasons, I’m joking
MARTIN
-Same, bro, same.
LUCAS
-Or am I?
MARTIN
-(devious emoji)
Was he flirting with me? Why was it kinda… umm, I mean… Nah, he definitely wasn’t… but like… at the same time… Why am I like this? (Author’s note: the file [GayPanic].exe is running)
I’m this close to texting him, asking whether he was, or wasn’t flirting. But it’s probably just banter, we do this shit all the time… but why does it suddenly feel different? (more genuine?) How am I supposed to talk to him at school tomorrow? I grab my phone and switch it off dead. I wrap myself in the sheets and try to sleep.
I wake up and find my phone and switch it on. The display says it’s 4:04. When I unlock the phone, the chat with Lucas basically jumpscares me. Hm, I would like for someone to tell me if it was a flirt or not. But I don’t have anyone who wouldn’t already know him… shit. And I cannot send it to Anita, for obvious reasons. She is like down bad for him and she would immediately tell the whole school. She also thinks I’m homophobic. Which is not necessarily true, but I’ve never really had the urge to dispel such rumors… it’s more like an image I keep. Just to fall into the same category as my friends. Leave it. Focus, Martin, you have more business at hand. So, what should I do? Wait… I could send it to one person… although I’m not that fond of her… but her relationship advice always hits. Goddamit, if she teases me about this… well, what else can I do? She probably ain’t up, but I’ll send it to her anyway.
MARTIN
-Hey Doris, u up?
-I need your help
(I guess she’s sleepi- no she’s typing)
DORIS
-Mat? What do you want at this ungodly hour?
MARTIN
-On second thought…
-I’ll pass.
DORIS
-Oh no no no no no. Now, you’ve gotta tell me. There ain’t no way, that mighty Martin Smith would text me at 4 in the morning and didn’t have proper reason to do so.
(Ok, she’s annoying, I shouldn’t have done that)
MARTIN
-…
DORIS
-OK, OK, chill, I was just kidding
-Now, tell me.
MARTIN
-I dunno where to start, tho
DORIS
-Lemme guess.
-It’s relationship stuff, right?
(Why is she so good at this?)
MARTIN
-Maybe… I’m not sure, dude
DORIS
-Ohoho, our Mat has finally found the one
-Is she from your class?
MARTIN
-Well, that’s the thing…
DORIS
-Oh, so she is
-I mean, they are (I still don’t know the gender, lol)
MARTIN
-Thanks for correcting yourself, I guess…
DORIS
-I forgot that sometimes, even the straightest looking men can be gay…
-Waaaaaaiiiiitttt?!
-So, is it a man, then??? (you know I was joking, right)
MARTIN
-Yep, I know you were joking
-But at the same time…
-You were right.
DORIS
-OMG, this is big, bro
-Anyway, what do you need from me?
MARTIN
-It feels cringe…
DORIS
-We don’t judge here…
-Tell meeee
MARTIN
-I need you to tell me whether this was a flirt or not.
DORIS
-Betcha it was
-Send meeee
MARTIN
/Sends screenshots of the chat with Lucas/
DORIS
-Uhm, I see.
-Bro.
-You’re either oblivious, or just don’t wanna admit it.
(I don’t know, I’ve never had a guy ever flirt with me before!)
-He WAS flirting
-Mad flirting.
MARTIN
-Really?
DORIS
-Obviously
-Now tell me, who is it?
-You cropped out the name
MARTIN
-I’m not telling you, bro, you don’t need it.
DORIS
-Whatchu mean, I don’t need it?!?!
-That’s the importantest stuff
-Come on, don’t be shy
MARTIN
-Shut up.
-…
-It’s Lucas
DORIS
-Wait, which one?
-Shit, I’m dumb, you said the one from your class, right?
-You mean the one you are friends since like… forever?
-If you want my opinion: not my 1st choice, but if yours… then you got my full support, from one queer to another.
MARTIN
-You are so cheesy.
-But thanks.
-Imma sleep
DORIS
-GN, then
MARTIN
-GN
So, I guess it’s official now. Doris called me “queer” … she also confirmed that Lucas, in fact, did flirt with me. And I cannot not say that Lucas isn’t hot… Damn. I guess he is… I guess I am gay… what now? Everyone thinks I’m straight… even Doris thought it… (Author’s note no. 2: the file: [GayPanic](1).exe started running) I fall asleep again.
It’s Wednesday. Today, we are supposed to have 3 English lessons, 2 of which are guys only. The 3rd one is with Brown, where the girls are, too. Actually, the girls had it like this yesterday. We had PE and they had English, and today, it’s vice-versa. Or it should’ve been. The English teacher is absent, so we are joining girls for their PE. The first lesson is in school fitness, where also the school Just Dance is kept. As they are playing, the teacher encourages guys to join. I’m glad, I still have crutches. So, I’m just sitting there, watching them, when suddenly Tobias decides to join. For fucking Hips don’t lie. Never really knew that he could dance like this… those moves… the way he moved his hips… I mean… hmm… let’s say, that I could see, why he got the 2nd place. The next lesson of PE was in the gym. There were like a million people in there, and Lucas and I were sitting on a bench, talking.
- Hey, bro… I want to ask you. I know it might sound random, but the other night… were you flirting with me?
I ask, the hesitation in my voice almost solidifying. He scoffs and looks me in the eyes, trying to read my expression. I’m begging him to answer genuinely. Atleast I think so.
- Maybe.
his voice breaks the moment of silence between us.
- Really?
I ask with hope.
- Pfft. Don’t be ridiculous. It was just jokes…
Pause
- I think…
He adds quietly. Lies. Ahhh, I cannot do this shit, not anymore.
- I’m going to the toilet.
I gather my crutches, myself and stand up. As I walk past the doorframe, I shoot him an inviting glance. He stares at me, the stare blank for a second, but then stands up. I enter the bathroom and soon, Lucas approaches me. Umm, I know I basically invited him, but now what? Do we just… smash our heads together and hope for the best? I turn around to see him leaning on a wall.
- You wanted me to come?
- Well, yes. – I look into his eyes – Lucas… are you… were you flirting with me? Tell me for real this time.
He smirks
– Yes, I was.
Upon hearing this, I come closer to him
– Are you sure about that?
- Yes.
I cup his neck and kiss him.
- Still sure?
- Even more.
Next kiss is bigger, longer, overall better. I grab him by his shirt and slowly lead him to the restroom. It would’ve been faster if the leg wasn’t hurting me. But atleast, Lucas holds me for support. As I open the door, I lose balance and almost collapse on the toilet. Luckily, Lucas catches me, preventing me from falling. He gazes into my eyes, and it feels like some cheesy savior moment. (Author’s note no. 3: fanarts, please) I adjust my position to sit comfortably. Lucas is towering over me and I’m looking up at him. He grins deviously and kneels on the floor. This view of him is super hot… Lucas just kneeling in between my legs, down on the bathroom floor… I’m still in my jeans, though.
- Can I?
I unzip my jeans and let him do the rest. I can feel how hard I am and his teasing hands aren’t helping it. Not that I want it to end.
- Hm, you are so hard, Mat.
- Shut up and blow, Luke.
He finally pulls my pants down, to reveal my boxers. Even I am surprised at how packed they are.
- Well, someone is feeling handsy today.
He looks up at me, still stroking my crotch. I can hear our classmates from the gym, not that I care though… actually, the thought of someone walking in on us is kinda arousing. Ok, Sanchez really doesn’t have to come in… that would get us in some trouble.
- Mat?
Lucas’ voice stops the train of thoughts.
- What are you thinking about?
He pauses.
- Hope you are thinking about what I’m about to do to you.
His voice is deeper, sultrier, more… hot.
- Only about that, Luke
I smirk, and he nods approvingly. I don’t even know how, but as soon as I feel my dick in his hands, I almost combust. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before. God Luke, say something.
- Mat, you are so responsive.
He says, stroking me up and down… damn he’s so slow. I’m getting increasingly more desperate by every second.
- Work it, Lucas, the fucking lesson is about to end
No, the hell it is not. And he knows... fuck, just get to the good part, please.
- I know it is not. But since you ask so nicely…
He seductively licks his lips and takes my dick in between them. When I thought I was gonna combust while he was giving me a handjob? Nothing compared to this. His warm mouth, his tongue swirling around… it’s like he knows exactly what I want. What I need. It feels as if his mouth was made for me.
- You seem experienced…
I manage to say, in between my sighs.
- Well, good for you, because I’ve never done this… atleast not to a guy.
- Wait a minute, Lucas, you are not a virgin?
God, Martin, he had a girlfriend, of course he got laid. Lock in, dude. Is it a good time to reveal, that I… uhh… that this is my 1st time? (my past girlfriend was very weird about this kind of stuff, so…)
- No… I thought you knew?
- Of course, I knew, my dumbass forgot you had a girlfriend for a second there.
- Sure Mat, sure…
- What I wanted to say, that it means only better for me.
I see he wants to say something, so shut him up by grabbing his head and shoving my cock in his mouth. Oh, I’ve always wanted to do this…
- Fuck, Lucas, I want you.
I whimper. His head is going up and down and his pace fastens as his name escapes my mouth. I’m so close, it’s almost unbearable. He looks at me, not breaking the pace. His eyes, oh, his eyes… the way he looks at me, I know he’d be grinning right now. Damn. I can feel it; I even start shaking. My sighs and moans are the only noises that can be heard in this bathroom… we’d be doomed if someone walked in. But why I don’t care? Oh my god… Lucas… what are you doing to me?
- I’m so… close.
As I say that, I feel that I cannot resist it anymore. The cum starts squirting out of me and I feel immediate relief. I’ve never felt this good.
- …fuck…
I pant. Lucas is still on the ground, looking at me.
- How are you feeling?
- Never been better.
He smiles, takes a tissue and cleans me up. Then I fix my clothes and Lucas stands up.
- Well then… that’s good.
His voice is hesitant. Is it wrong that I want more? I pull his collar, his face right in front of mine, mere centimetres separate us.
- What do you want, Mat?
He asks, smiling.
- What do you think I want?
He scoffs and kisses me. I cup his cheek and pull him even closer. I enter his mouth with my tongue, immediately tasting my… wait that’s how I taste? Oh well. As we are kissing, Lucas sits on my lap. I break the kiss, because as he sits down, he puts pressure onto my leg, and it hurts. I tell him to scoot, ‘cause I really don’t need to feel it. He gladly adjusts and we kiss again. His hand wrap around me and I do the same. I suck his lower lip and… I hear the door open. Goodness! I alert Lucas to stay quiet.
- Mat, you here?
It’s Johnny. He is such a moron.
- Yeah, what do you want? I’m shitting.
- Nah, bro, nothing. Wait, don’t you know where Lucas is?
- No? Should I?
- Ah, leave it.
He does his thing and leaves us alone.
- That- was close.
Lucas whispers and shakes his head.
- He is a certified party pooper.
We both giggle at my remark.
- We should go back, but… I don’t want to.
Lucas nods and kisses me, still sitting in my lap. He gives me one last smooch and stands up.
- Ugh, now we have to act all “bro” again.
He remarks angrily, as he gathers my crutches and helps me stand up.
- No, thanks.
I roll my eyes at his statement, but it’s true.
- Let’s go, Luke
I say in a wannabe neutral tone and gesture to the door. How can other people switch from this back to normal? Damn, what have I done? How are things going to be between us? Do we just gloss over the fact that he just had my dick in his mouth? God, no. We walk out of the bathroom, I go 1st, Lucas just a bit later than me. Just to be sure. The teacher halts us at the door, thankfully, she just asks if we are okay. Yeah, sure, too much. We sit on the benches and then… nothing really happened. !!!UNTIL!!! My goodness. Gosh, I sound like a girl. Stop it Martin, get some help. I can’t do this anymore… but I can do him. (stop the bs, Martin)
Lucas’ football practice got cancelled. So, I invited him to my house. Giving space? We don’t know her. Shit, that’s such a Doris thing to say. We barely caught the bus, but when we got home and got through my parents and their icebreakers that they kept pestering Lucas with, we went to my room. Then I look at my phone and there is a notification. It was from Doris. I sit on my bed and Lucas sits next to me.
DORIS
-So, did you tell him?
-What did he say?
-Am I supposed to hire a wedding planner?
(As obnoxious as always)
MARTIN
-Damn, chill
-Nothing happened
DORIS
-L.I.E.S
-Something MUST’VE happened.
MARTIN
-I ain’t gonna tell you over phone.
DORIS
-(surprised emoji) OMG
-What now, did you do naughty stuff or sum?
MARTIN
-I’m silencing you
DORIS
-NOOOOO
/Chat silenced/
When I toss my phone on the bed, I see Lucas looking at me.
- Who were you texting
- Just this loser I know. Don’t worry your pretty head about it.
He shoots me a questioning look and shakes his head.
- Very mysterious.
Luke reaches out his hand, probably unsure whether to touch my face, or I don’t know. But all that remained was a pat on my shoulder.
- We should talk.
He says after a while of silence. I lean closer to him.
- We should… but I don’t want to, right now.
As I say that, I put a hand on his shoulder and the other one on his neck and kiss him. He grabs my t-shirt, rolls on his back pulling me down with him. He kisses me, and I kiss him back.
- I’m not crushing you, am I?
It feels so unusual, lying on top of someone who is essentially smaller than me. Although we are the same height, we are not the same weight.
- No, you idiot.
He smiles. Good. I kiss him and he hugs me.
- Do you want to sleep here?
- I do… but it’s a school night, Mat… don’t know if my parents would let me.
Fuck, he is right. Well, nothing about that, I guess.
- Damn it then.
I smack a kiss on his cheek. He is so hot… I feel his grip tightening around me. Our lips crash together and I shove my tongue in his throat. Luke whimpers at that… his mouth feels like it was made for me. Wait, am I thinking it the second time, today? Well, I guess it’s destined to be then. Lucas and I… his tongue massages mine, the tension between us deepening. His mouth is absolutely stuffed, but I don’t think he has any problem with it… because I don’t. I mean, his taste is amazing, I could bask in it the whole day. I feel his hand gripping my t=shirt, fisting it, like it’s the question of life and death. It feels good, having Luke just to myself like this. I’ve never felt so desired for in my life. I’ve never felt such a desire for anyone before. I pull away, to let him breathe.
- I want you, Lucas.
I say in a breathy voice, feeling the affection pushing through. Lucas grins and I kiss him on the neck. He moves head, giving me room. I kiss and nip all around his neck, down from his jawline to his collarbone. When I get there, Lucas sighs heavily. I open my eyes and look up at his face. Lucas is enjoying this. His eyes are closed, lips slightly parted, his back arching. It’s hard for me to hold back, seeing him like this. I suck his collarbone and close my eyes again. I feel his hands wandering around my back. I move back up to his mouth. His lips pressed against mine, our tongues swirling around each other… I put my hand behind his head and Luke grabs me, as if to pull me closer. Then, suddenly, I hear muted sounds from downstairs. It seems to be my mom calling me down. I have better business than that. I ignore that and continue kissing Lucas. I slide my hand under his shirt. The feeling of his bare skin against my fingertips makes me shiver.
- You’re so responsive, Lucas.
He inhales deeply and opens his eyes. I brush against his pants with my hand. Lucas gazes into my eyes as I play around with the waistband, of his pants… I can feel how hard he is… I lick his jawline and kiss him. Luke bites my lower lip, the sensation surprising me. Things were about to get heated, when suddenly my door opened. Shit.
- What are you 2 doing?!
My mom screamed, as we tried to get from each other.
- I… umm… we… umm-
I cover Luke’s mouth, just so he doesn’t make the situation worse. I finally manage to sit at the edge of my bed
- Um… so… mom… what did- what did you want?
She is pinching the bridge of her nose and is shaking her head.
- The dinner’s ready, Martin.
She turns around and slowly walks away. I, stunned, look at Lucas, my jaw basically on the ground. The time seems to slow down. Why did she have to come here? What will my dad do, if he finds out? This can’t be real. I really want to believe, that my mom didn’t just see us… kissing. I’m speechless. Till this moment, everything felt sort of like a fever dream… but now that my mom has seen us… it feels real. We really are in this together. Deep.
- We… should go.
I hear Luke say, his voice muffled by my thoughts. I take a deep breath, take my crutches and grab his hand for reassurance. (We both need it to be honest.) We walk down the hallway together, down the stairs, next to each other. We exchange one last glance and enter the dining room.