Chapter Text
Anticipation quickly shifted to annoyance.
Leela slumped into her chair, sighing as she fiddled with her wrist LoJack-a-mater. Usually when the Professor had an urgent, yet suicidal delivery for them to go on, he was the one in a rush.
“Seriously, what is taking him so long?” Leela muttered under her breath, she had no intention of wasting any more time than needed, especially not so close to the weekend.
Leela had been no stranger to giving up her free time for work; living on her own in her old, bleak and uninteresting apartment made working seem much more appealing, and even entertaining. The lack of activities made her crave anything that would keep her occupied, and the added bonus of being productive made this mindset all the more validating. But, she supposed that living with her most laziest and laid-back coworkers ultimately led to the abandonment of her more extreme overworking tendencies.
Fry took a swig of Slurm. “Maybe he’s taking a nap?”
“Nah, he’s probably dead,” Bender casually lit a cigar, using his own mechanical finger as a lighter.
On cue, the increasing sound of the Professor’s slippers stomping on the hallway floor boomed in the conference room. It was not long until a loud “Good news, everyone!” was heard, and eventually accompanied by the Professor himself.
“Huh. Looks like you were wrong, Bender,” Fry observed.
The robot squinted, gazing at the old man in front of him. “I dunno, seems pretty dead to me-”
“Now, now, we can all discuss whether I can legally be considered living or not some other time,” the Professor reached out to the holographic projector and turned it on, the holograph soon showing a satellite image of a small, deep crimson colored planet. “I have a very important delivery regarding our newest client, and we simply cannot waste any more time chit-chatting.”
The scientist paused to glare at Bender, who was now attempting to distract Fry with an overdramatic rant about the latest All My Circuits episode. Rolling her eye at the amusing scene, Leela reached for Fry’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, a silent signal that the Professor required his attention. He immediately perked up, quickly giving Leela a dumb smile. “If you are all done spewing about pointless crap,” the Professor started, “I’d like to hurry this up.”
“This is Dion, a planet in the farming district,” Farnsworth explained, pointing at the projected image. “This planet in particular specializes in alcohol, as well as dairy products.”
Bender’s eyes widened, “Alcohol?”
“Oh my, yes. They are praised for their award-winning wine. That is why I need the three of you to deliver a shipment of white oak barrels,” the Professor switched the holograph off, turning to face the crew. “Well? What’s the hold up? Off you go!” he impatiently demanded, dismissing the trio in a huff before waltzing back into the hallway, likely towards his lab.
“You heard the man!” Bender stood up, blowing smoke out of his mouthplate as he spoke, “There’s alcohol on that planet!” He rushed out of the conference room, leaving a trail of cigar smoke behind him.
“So, uh, looks like it's just the two of us,” Fry wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, his voice having a hint of nervousness that amused Leela. She held back a laugh, instead squeezing his hand again. Fry squeezed back.
Before she could even come up with something to say, a loud voice from outside the room interrupted her thoughts.
“LET’S GO ALREADY!”
***
Fry felt at home in space.
It was strange, given that his actual home was a closet inside a robot’s apartment, but the vast void of the universe left him with an oddly comforting feeling. Fry stared out the window, his focus shifting from star to star. He had been on hundreds of deliveries, seen many planets, and visited countless galaxies, yet he still found himself invested in the raw beauty of space.
Leela was piloting the ship like usual, looking concentrated and in complete control.
Honestly, Fry should have been paying attention to the various navigation systems, and other potentially important machines in the ship, but he simply could not stop looking at her.
She was otherworldly, and he was the luckiest idiot on Earth.
There was a luminescence to her that always seemed to catch Fry's attention, as if Leela herself held the same compelling energy that drew him to the alluring stars. He lacked the proper knowledge of the English language to even begin to describe the emotions that just being around her gave, so for now he had decided to associate her with the many vast shades and hues of blue and purple - the very same ones that painted the breathtaking galaxies of stars.
Fry must have been distracted; he hadn’t realized they already landed.
Suddenly aware of Fry's gaze, Leela smiled.
“Can you go get Bender? I think he said he was taking a nap.”
“Sure thing!” He enthusiastically replied, already making his way towards his and Bender's quarters.
Though, if he had remembered how hard it was to wake up an already annoyed, and slightly sober robot, he would have been much less optimistic about Leela’s request.
Fry and Bender entered the ship’s cargo bay where they were met by Leela, who was already hard at work. There were twenty barrels in total, Leela was already carrying two of them out of the ship. Fry grabbed the hover dolley and started to place a barrel on top of it, being careful not to accidentally overload it. Bender let out an artificial yawn before reluctantly helping Fry.
The planet was relatively small, and the atmosphere felt warm and inviting. Fry immediately noticed the strange animals roaming the patchy fields, unlike anything he’d seen on Earth. The winery was the main event - it was huge and distracting, taking up most of the area's land.
After all the white oak barrels were out of the ship and in front of the barn house, Fry caught up to who he assumed was the farm’s owner based on his nametag, and got him to sign the confirmation of delivery. Leela and Bender trailed behind, the bending unit frantically turning his head around in hopes of spotting alcohol.
“We can’t thank you enough for delivering these barrels in such pristine condition!” The owner praised the crew, his eyes were fixed on the barrels. “These’ll make such exquisite wines,” The farmer noticed that the mention of wine regained Bender’s interest. His mouth curved into a small smirk, “Say, how do you folks feel about buying some of our top quality, award-winning wine? Since you kindly delivered these barrels, I’ll even add a two percent discount! Can’t say no to that, huh?” His voice was obnoxiously fast-paced and energetic. He wore a flannel shirt, accompanied by cowboy boots and a hat. He seemed to be playing into the stereotypical farmer role very well, though his salesman persona seemed incredibly insincere.
Bender looked like he was about to sneak off into the winery and steal some for himself. Leela quickly glared at him, she had that stern look in her eye that usually meant she wasn’t fooling around. After making sure that Bender was not running off, Leela turned her head back towards the farmer, “It sounds lovely,” she started, trying to come up with an excuse, “but I don't really like wine, so-”
“Oh! Well we also have various kinds of cheese for sale! They’re completely unique, and the best you could possibly find in the known universe,”
Confused, Fry noticed there wasn’t a sign of a single cow - or even a sea cow - on the farm, “Wait, how do you make cheese without cows? Doesn’t cheese have dairy?”
The man’s expression looked tired and forced, Fry recognized this face; it was one people usually wore after he said something stupid.
“Yes, well, cows have been extinct for centuries. What we do is use a process called precision fermentation. Basically, it's using genetically enhanced microorganisms, and putting them in a bio-reactor. It's a combination of science and farming,” he quickly explained, hoping this would finally convince the crew to buy something. “So, really, our cheese is the best of the best. You wouldn’t want to miss out on a great deal like this, would you?”
Leela tapped her finger against her thigh, bored and annoyed by the farmer's relentlessness. Noticing that he was beginning to lose potential buyers, the man quickly blurted out yet another deal.
“Of course, if you'd like to have both products, we’re also offering a limited edition wine and cheese deal! If you pay this small annual fee, we’ll send over wine, as well as a complimentary cheese of the month.”
“Yeah, that's great and all, but we really should be going,” Leela began to walk over to the ship, motioning for Bender and Fry to follow. She feigned politeness, her voice sounding tight and impatient.
“Right. Of course. I’m sure we’ll find another batch of kind costumers to help fund the charity..” He trailed off, putting on a solemn expression. He took off his hat, and stared down at his boots.
“What charity?”
The man looked up, his eyes quickly darting between Leela and Bender, “Oh, WineCare. It’s an organization my wife started. All of the profits made from our wine subscriptions go towards helping those poor, starving, orphan robots.”
“Orphans?”
“Robots!?”
“Yes,” He breathed shakily, wiping his now teary eye with his wrist, “It’s such a shame. I’m just trying to raise awareness about the horrible conditions the orphan robots are in, but,” his voice broke, “nobody is buying a subscription! The poor robots can’t afford their medical needs! And without parents to guide them, they’re rusting away into nothing! And it's all because heartless people won’t give up three hundred measly dollars.”
Fry looked at the man suspiciously, “Can’t you just give them some of your wine?”
“Fry! Don’t be so insensitive!” Bender pointed at the farmer with a metal finger, “Not enough people know, or even care about robot lives, and this guy's tryin’ to help! Obviously his unimpressive winery isn’t pulling in enough money for the charity, or else he wouldn’t be begging us to fund it.”
The man was caught off guard, but quickly regained his composure. “Uh, yes! Of course! We don’t make enough money! That’s exactly the reason why we need your generosity,” his gaze landed on Leela, hoping she would finally say yes to the deal.
Suppressing a sigh, Leela stepped towards the man, “And you’re sure it’ll help them?”
“A hundred percent positive!”
She looked back at Fry and Bender, the robot ushering her to pay up. The man plastered a wide smile on his face as he held out a holograph that included the subscription contract, as well as the payment information. Leela quickly skimmed over the terms and conditions, before eventually filling out her information. The man beamed. He extended his right hand at her, offering a handshake to symbol a closed deal. Begrudgingly, Leela shook his hand.
“Alright, now that’s taken care of, and since you are already here,” he stepped back, gesturing for a few workers to grab a box that sat on a long table near the farm, “Why don’t we load up your ship?”
The crew gained a box full of wine, a total of 12 bottles inside, as well as a box filled with whatever the farm had picked to be their ‘cheese of the month’.
Eager as ever to drink, Bender insisted they immediately taste test the wine.
The trio each poured themselves a glass, and took a sip. Instantly, Fry was struck with an uneasy sensation in his mouth. It tasted oddly earthy, flashes of green and brown striking in Fry’s mind. It left a dry feeling in his throat, like it was made of sandpaper. The wine itself was slightly sour, more plain and flavourless than anything. It felt underdeveloped and improperly made. The vaguely moldy aroma caught up to his nostrils, making the wine taste even stranger. It had felt stale and astringent, leaving an unpleasant feeling after just one sip.
“This tastes like a funeral,” Fry concluded, grimacing at the bitter and almost unbearable aftertaste of the wine. “A funeral your mom forced you to go to. Everyone's crying, meanwhile you're bored out of your mind cause your dad didn’t let you bring your gameboy,” Realizing he was starting to ramble, Fry quickly wrapped up his thoughts, “Anyway, It tastes boring.”
Leela nodded, scrunching her face as she swallowed the drink. “More like the actual corpse,” she coughed, looking disgusted.
“This wine is bad even by my standards!” Bender exclaimed, “And I’d drink anything!” he stared at his glass, “It’s mediocre at best, and it lacks pizzazz. Tastes cheap as fuck too.”
“You’re lucky,” Leela pointed at the robot, holding back a gag, “you don't have a sense of taste. This is disgusting.”
Bender rolled his eyes, “Yeah but I can still tell when a drink’s bad. Whaddaya take me for? Some uncultured idiot?” He looked offended by the mere implication that someone other than him knew more about booze.
“That’s not what I meant,” She cleared her throat, “I need some water.” Leela left and came back with her metal water bottle, taking a large sip before passing it to Fry. Unfortunately, the water did little to wash out the weird aftertaste.
“Award winning my ass,” Bender grumbled, he looked disappointed.
Fry passed the water bottle back to Leela. Trying to sound hopeful, he motioned over to the box of cheese.
“Maybe the cheese is really good? Y’know, to make up for the crummy wine?”
“Oooh! I could use that to make you guys brunch tomorrow!” Bender’s eyes lit up, his excitement for cooking temporarily making his frustration over the wine disappear.
Fry instantly regretted opening his mouth.