Chapter Text
There had been a time before war, Jake was sure of it, he visited that time in his dreams.
He had never known Pandora before humans arrived, but he knew what it was without constant military presence, without the constant hum of machinery. Knew a time when the metal buildings were grown over, being taken back by Eywa. The animals of the forest went back to their homes, hunting resumed with all the deference deserved.
It was time when Neteyam would wail with joy when he and Jake would go on ikran rides just for the fun of it. When he would wake up to the sound of Lo’ak, Spider, and Kiri laughing with mischief until Neytiri playfully hissed at them and they scurried off to the river. Tuk would run after the older kids or snuggle up with him and Neytiri, just happy to be among her family without a care in the world.
Now Neteyam was gone, and the war was about to be over. Jake wasn’t sure what happened next. They could never go back to that happy, carefree family. How was he to be a father when he had so much blood on his hands? How could he cradle his children without the stain of it damaging them too?
“Ma Jake,” Neytiri’s voice broke him out of his thoughts as they dove past the walls of Bridgehead.
After the fighting at Calf Communion had left all the military leadership dead, the remaining technicians, soldiers, and scientists had quickly left the planet for Earth. But Jake knew that wouldn’t last, peace never did. If there wasn’t already another ship on its way, then there certainly would be in six years, the time it took for ships to get from Earth to Pandora.
With Tonowari’s blessing and input, they had left their children at the reef and traveled to Norm and Max with their plan.
“As soon as they come back, if they know about us, know about Spider, they’ll start hunting him again,” he had said as they were circled around Grace’s avatar form.
“We can do our best to slow their work once they get here. It’ll buy the clans time to figure out a game plan as well.”
Norm had nodded, “So what’s the plan? How do you know they weren’t sending this information back to Earth?”
Jake shook his head. Norm, ever the scientist, still didn’t completely understand how the military worked. For better, but usually worse, Jake did. They wouldn’t have sent back the information on Spider, or what they’d done to get it. Not until they were damn sure they could replicate whatever was going on Spider’s lungs. The brass back on Earth would have wanted deniability for any war crimes committed, though they would have been fine with reaping any benefits.
“I’m sure they sent back some things, but the experiments they did on a human child? Burning down entire villages of civilians hunting one rogue?” He pointed at himself.
“No, they wouldn’t have sent all that back. And even if they did, even more of a reason to make sure that there’s nothing more to learn when they get here again.”
Max spoke up, “So what’s the plan?”
“We go into Bridgehead, see what they’ve got and burn it all. The Metkayina have already agreed to keep some of the weapons we find, and the Omaticaya will keep some as well. We’ll distribute to some of the smaller clans who can keep some safe as well.”
Neytiri didn’t like this part of the plan, and she hissed to make her displeasure known. She believed keeping the weapons was tempting fate, but Tonowari, with his newborn daughter in his giant arms and mourning paint still over his eyes, had looked up at Jake and nodded solemnly at the suggestion to be prepared.
So here they were, walking into the deserted lion’s den, a trio of Na’vi walking amongst the metal and concrete. Jake shivered at the destroyed cage he had been held in as he passed it. Any doubt at what they were doing, if there was any to begin with, was quickly banished at the thought that crept into his head of Lo’ak or Kiri or Tuk locked up in a cage like an animal. It had his lips curling into a silent snarl and new determination filling him up.
Norm led their small group into a room lined with screens. The scientist’s avatar form fell into routine quickly, typing aggressively at the main computer while Jake and Neytiri paced around the room.
“Alright, let’s start with Spider.” He typed ‘Socorro’ and the room lit up around them.
Jake swallowed heavily as Neytiri’s breathing turned shallow beside him.
Each screen showed a new horror. Spider with a tube being shoved down his throat, Spider running on a treadmill with a team of scientists around him and more crap on his face than Jake had ever seen, Spider with needles poking and prodding him.
“Dear Lord,” Norm’s voice piped up from where he was scanning report after report of Spider’s physiology.
Jake came up behind him and leaned over to read as well, “What is it?”
Norm let out a breath of disbelief, “The changes to his body are phenomenal. It’s like centuries of evolution in one go. Not only can he breathe the air and connect to the planet, but I’d bet that he could eat anything a Na’vi could as well. I’m surprised he’s not turning blue and growing three feet as we speak.”
Jake took in his words as Spider’s mugshot stared down at him like an accusation and nausea filled his stomach as he remembered holding a knife to his throat.
“Delete it all.”
That surprised Norm, his big eyes looking up at Jake, and Jake was already annoyed because what the hell did Norm think they were coming here to do?
“All of it. You guys need to delete everything you have on him at High Camp too. Any tests you’ve run, any trace of his existence needs to be gone.”
Suddenly, Norm was standing face to face with Jake, holding his hands out and pushing back where Jake had begun to crowd him. Jake stood his ground though, not allowing himself to be moved.
“Did you not hear me? Spider is a huge leap in evolution, it’d be scientific malpractice to not keep any record of his existence.”
The anger and sadness of the past year had Jake snarling and hissing at his old friend, a feral instinct relishing in the fear that briefly passed in Norm’s eyes as he fell back onto the desk trying to escape the teeth coming near him.
“I won’t tell if you won’t.”
Norm opened his mouth to argue more, but Jake cut him off.
“I’m not going to say it again, Norm.”
The two men were locked into a staring contest until Neytiri’s voice broke through.
“We must keep him a secret, Norm. For his own protection. You see what they will do if they catch him. You don’t think they’ll kill him to learn more? Cut him open?”
Norm tried again, still leaning away from Jake’s canines, “What is even the point? Selfridge got away! Most of the scientists that worked on Spider, they’re going back to Earth, they could come back! Or they could send other scientists who know just as well that there’s a kid out there who can breathe without a mask!”
Snarling again, Jake gritted out, “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, but we still shouldn’t make it easy for them.”
That seemed to convince Norm, though he was clearly not happy about it as he sat down in the chair and proceeded to wipe each and every record of Spider’s existence.
“You two might want to keep looking, this is going to take a while. Unless you were planning on hovering the entire time.”
Jake was hesitant, but Neytiri’s soft, calloused hand on his bicep pulled him away.
They worked in silence then, going building to building and collecting whatever weapons were still functional and taking them back to be guarded by the ikran. The ones not functional or too big to carry would be destroyed, melted down by the Omaticaya when they left.
It was hours of work, and as they circled their way back to the beginning, Jake could tell Neytiri was itching to return to the skies and the forest. The metal walls and stench of gasoline and gunpowder were nauseating even to him.
“Jake! You might want to see this!”
Jake heard Norm’s voice as they entered the computer room again, though he wasn’t sitting where he had been last.
Neytiri nodded at him over to a wide open space where Norm was standing with his arms crossed and his tail thrashing in annoyance.
“What is it?”
Norm sighed, “It was in Spider’s file, from the first time he was captured.” The scientist hit a button and a large ring surrounding a dolly began to spin at a rapid speed and a horrendous volume. Behind them, a hologram of nothing came up.
Neytiri hissed at the sound, bringing her hands to cover her ears. Jake slammed his hand down on the button again, stopping the whirling before turning to Norm who sighed and beckoned him forward.
When the two were standing on either side of the dolly, Jake noted the restraints at the bottom and top of the dolly, a sinking feeling in his stomach. Norm held up a plastic contraption.
“Yeah, you get it. Spider would have been on here, restraints holding him down, this thing keeping his eyes open.”
“Why?”
Norm sighed and pointed to behind Neytiri, “His brain would be projected over there, and whatever he thought of would show up on the monitors.”
Neytiri studied where the hologram would’ve been, “How do you know this?”
Norm turned back and led the two back to the main computers, hitting a button that brought up a video.
”Which clans would be harboring him?”
”I don’t know! You’re gonna have to kill me!”
Jake watched in anguish as a buttoned up general questioned the Spider on the screen, who had blood dripping from his nose as the scientists surrounding the image of his brain warned the woman of the activity in Spider’s brain.
Soft panting broke through Jake’s anger as Neytiri whispered, “Turn it off.”
Norm cut the footage with a huff, “He never gave you up. Kid’s got heart.”
Jake’s eyes fell closed as he thought of the same boy kneeling on a slab of rock, ready to go to Eywa at his father’s hands.
“Delete it.” HIs voice was cracked as he commanded Norm, but his friend didn’t seem to have any objections to erasing the record of Spider’s sufferings.
“That’s everything.” Norm’s voice was muffled as Jake left the room, unable to hold back his stomach any more, vomit painting the cement as he leaned over with a hand on the wall.
“Ma Jake?” Neytiri’s hand on his back had tears falling from his eyes.
“I was ready to kill him.”
She didn’t seem concerned with the vomit on the ground as she stood in front of him and cupped his face in her hands.
“Yes, and it is a mark against both of us that we let it go that far. But we can still fix this.”
“How?”
Her forehead rested against his own, “Through our actions. No words will mend this, but everyday we keep him safe and sheltered will show him that we see him.”
Norm interrupted them then, informing them that the files of Spider and the rest of the Sully family had been destroyed. Like Norm said, it wasn’t a perfect solution. But it would at least confuse any humans who made it back to Pandora. In every record they had, Jake Sully would be listed as dead. With no family or mate or children to mourn him.
It would at least slow them down.
They all made their way back to the ikran, Neytiri and Jake dropping Norm off at the High Camp with one stash of weapons before heading back to the Metkayina. Back home.
Tsireya had known from the moment he arrived on the shores of the village that Lo’ak was meant to be hers. As her brother and Rotxo teased him and Neteyam, and her mother hissed at the newcomers with distrust, it was as though Eywa had shown her a glimpse into her own future.
Sharing a family, a home with Lo’ak. The two of them supporting Aonung when he became Olo'eyktan one day. Learning all of the customs of the forest as she taught him the way of water.
She remembered her mother telling her once that the men were stupid when it came to love, and she would have to be patient with Lo’ak until he came to his senses. But Ronal had assured her it would be worth it, and she should trust Eywa to guide her heart to her mate.
Her chest contracted painfully at the thought of her mother. What she wouldn’t give for her mother’s advice as she moved through the water to Lo’ak, his eyes faraway as he watched for his parents to return.
Since the night on the beach, she’d hated the thought of leaving his side, worried for what he might do if given a moment alone with his thoughts. And then Rotxo had died, and then her mother, and she was being pulled in so many different directions it felt like she would be torn into pieces.
But Aonung had been with Rotxo's family all day today, and her father was tending to her new sister. Which left her to make her way to where she knew Lo’ak would be, lounging in the water atop Payakan’s fin, eyes pointed to the sky.
“Spider is out collecting fish from the hunters, you didn’t want to join him?”
It had been her goal each day as she mourned her friend and mother, to get Lo’ak out and with other people. It distracted from her own pain as well as got him out of his own head.
“No, they don’t need me around.” Messing everything up. That was the part she had learned to hear in between his words. She knew who had planted those words, and though she respected the Toruk Makto, she didn’t particularly like him.
She hopped into the water and waded out until she could lay next to him atop Payakan. The tulkun blinked blearily at her.
“Well, do you mind the company while we wait for your parents?”
Lo’ak shrugged but didn’t seem to have any objections.
“What were they even doing again?” She asked, turning so she could see his face as he huffed out a breath, the glowing freckles on his skin like a constellation.
“Something about erasing Spider’s records. Dad’s too. If more Sky People get here, we don’t want them knowing Spider exists or that Dad is alive.”
Tsireya nodded, before relaxing next to him, watching the sky while cool water lapped at her feet. She didn’t want to think about Sky People returning, not while the grief of her mother and Rotxo was still so fresh. It made her too angry, filled her with a rage that scared her.
Attempting to banish the thought from her mind, she allowed her own breathing to slow her heart rate, listening to match it with Lo’ak’s. Once their breathing was matched, she spoke again softly.
“Have you told your father, about that night?”
Lo’ak started up onto his elbows, irritation rolling off of him like the waves around them.
“I’m not telling my father and you promised you wouldn’t tell him either. I don’t need you holding this over my head.”
She lifted herself up onto her own elbows, trying not to let his defensiveness anger her. Though it was difficult to handle her own tense emotions these days.
“I didn’t say I would tell him, or that I was holding it over your head. But you might feel lighter if you talked to him.” Truly she always felt so much lighter after talking with her father.
“He’s too busy. And besides, he’d probably just tell me to try helping out more, that it was all in my head.”
“It is in your head Lo’ak! That is the problem. Your father’s words have burrowed so deep in your heart and soul that you are hurting yourself.”
Lo’ak had no response to that, just hugged his knees closer to his chest and dipped his head so his braids covered his face.
Before she could speak again, the calls of the scouts and the rest of the village sounded, alerting them to the return of Lo’ak’s parents in the skies.
“I better get going, they’ll be here soon.” Lo’ak barely turned to her at that, and she couldn’t help but feel hurt at the lack of goodbye.
With a sigh, she ran a hand down Payakan’s fin as the tulkun vocalized painfully at his brother’s hurt.
“I should speak to my father about this.” It wasn’t a question, but she hesitated until the tulkun under her blinked and rumbled out his agreement.
She slipped into the water and smiled shyly as Payakan gently pushed her closer to shore. As though he were encouraging her to ask for help, knowing the tulkun and how much they care for their chosen brothers and sisters, he almost certainly was.
She hadn’t wanted to, her father had hurt so much with her mother’s death, bringing such pain to him felt so like a burden. He was already juggling his new daughter plus bearing her and Aonung’s pain and she could see it had taken its toll. As she came to their marui though, she could see the breath he let out having her in his sight, having all of his children in arm’s reach. Her brother resting in his hammock, barely lifting his head when she entered.
“Daughter, are you okay?” His voice rumbled comfortably as she sat in front of him, reaching to stroke a finger down her sister’s cheek.
“I am worried about Lo’ak, father.” Her voice wavered as she finally put the words to what had been plaguing her thoughts.
Her tone got Aonung’s attention, her brother wiping his eyes before swinging out of his bed and coming to sit next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder in comfort.
“I heard his parent’s should be coming home today. That should help.” Aonung voice was softer than she was used to, but she could hear the optimism he was trying to inject into it.
She shook her head, “I don’t think so.” She stopped before she could reveal the truth, but as always, her father knew her too well.
Tonowari handed off the baby to Aonung, who cradled her gently while keeping his eyes on his father and sister.
“What is it, Tsireya?”
She looked down and begged Lo’ak to forgive her.
“Before, Lo’ak and his father fought. It was after the tulkun council.”
Her father studied her face and shrugged, “Fathers and sons argue, Tsireya, especially after going through what the Sully’s have gone through. People say things they don’t mean.”
“This was different, Kiri and I went to find him after, we had seen him run off. He had one of the human weapons, father.”
Her voice had become desperate at the memory of seeing Lo’ak crest a sand dune with the machine hanging heavy at his side. She continued.
“And when we got there, it was laying in the sand by him, but there was a mark under his chin,” she brought her hand up to point under her jawline, her breath catching as tears welled up at the memory. It was enough that, without warning, her father was gathering her into his arms.
The hut was silent for more than a moment, the only sound being the baby’s cooing. At some point, Tonowari grabbed Aonung and Pril as well, pulling them in close as Tsireya’s sobs continued.
Tonowari pulled back and cupped her cheeks in his hands, “I will handle this, sweetheart. You do not worry about anything but being a good friend, which you already do so well.”
More tears continued to fall as she wailed, “But I’m not a good friend, I promised him I wouldn’t tell! I have broken his trust!” Aonung wrapped a free arm around her at her words. They were true though, and she cried more for the friendship she was sure she had lost, the love that she would likely never have because of this violation.
Tonowari shushed her gently and wiped away her tears, “No, my daughter, by telling me you are being a very good friend. Lo’ak might not see that right away, but one day he will thank you. And I will do what I can to make sure Lo’ak’s parents know that you don’t want him knowing you told me.”
Aonung spoke up quietly, his voice still scratchy from crying with Rotxo’s family and now in hurt for his sister and friend, “What will you do?”
Her father looked tired as he ran a hand down his face, his eyes flitting to where her mother’s spears still rested.
“I will speak with Jake Sully about this. He is still grieving now, but he must know how close he was to losing another son. If something like this was ever kept from me,” he stopped there, his eyes clenching shut at the thought.
Tsireya looked down, already pained for Jake Sully and the blows life kept hitting him with, even if she was angry at him still.
She startled slightly at the feel, once more, of her father’s hand lifting her head and bringing it to his chest. A glance up showed Aonung also being cradled by their father, Pril safe in her big brother’s arms.
“You two must know, that if you ever feel such anguish as Lo’ak has felt, you will come to me, please.” His voice was begging in a way she’d never heard from her father.
“I will do whatever in my power to see my children happy. There is nothing you could do or say that would change that, and if you are unhappy, I want to be the first to know so I may work to fix it.”
There were tears dripping down his nose and into their hair by the end, but Aonung and Tsireya both whispered their confirmation. They then basked in the comfort of their father’s arms, their family. The spirit of their mother laying her own hands gently on their heads.
When they touched down in Awa’atlu, Jake felt a profound sense of unease.
Clearing out the Bridgehead City compound had been the last mission needed to be completed. Now, all that was left was to pick up the pieces, when all Jake had ever been taught to do was break things.
“Ma Jake?” Neytiri’s concern was evident as they bid their ikran goodbye, turning to the trail back to the village, Jake could see why.
Rather than Lo’ak, Kiri, Tuk, or even Spider greeting them, Tonowari was striding towards them.
He brought a hand to his forehead in casual greeting, “Tonowari, is something wrong?”
It was a dumb question, even behind the black paint, the Olo'eyktan’s eyes were pained as he took the two in. Jake felt fear engulf him and a sudden, burning need to reach his children, but Tonowari’s hand stopped him.
“What is wrong?” Neytiri’s voice took on a hard tone as she pressed her shoulder into Jake’s.
The leader closed his eyes, “Let’s sit.”
“I’m not sitting until you tell me what is wrong! Where are the kids?”
His voice was cracked and shouting, but any reason in regard to his children had been lost long ago now.
“The children are fine, they are in my marui with my own. But I need to speak to you about Lo’ak.”
Jake felt a flurry of mixed emotions at that. His interactions with his youngest had been, admittedly, a bit of a blur in the past weeks. He knew he had said things he didn’t mean, but the heartache and worry his youngest had imparted on him hadn’t helped.
His mate wrapped a hand around his bicep, “What is it?”
The Olo'eyktan took a breath before beginning, “I must ask you to keep my daughter’s name out of any discussions with Lo’ak that may come from this.”
Jake and Neytiri nodded as the former’s hand came to cover his mate’s hand.
“Tsireya asked that I don’t mention her for fear of Lo’ak becoming angry, but I think it is important to know she was one who witnessed what happened.
“She came to me, tonight, afraid for your son after spotting him before the battle on a lonely sand dune, a human weapon pointed to himself.”
Both parents froze at his words, Neytiri shaking her head in confusion.
“What? What does this mean?” Her words broke off at the end, even though Jake knew damn well she knew what Tonowari meant, but the larger man answered just the devastatingly same.
“When she got there he had thrown the weapon away, but she could see the mark of the weapon under his chin. He wanted to,” the man hesitated to find a sensitive way to convey this news, “deliver himself to Eywa.”
From far away, Jake felt Neytiri cry in pain as she began to fall to the ground. Luckily, Tonowari was quicker to catch her before her knees hit the hard ground, slowly lowering her with his finned hands under her elbows.
As for Jake, his head felt cloudy, like coming out of cryo sleep had felt so long ago. His feet wandered past the ikran, stumbling over rocks and sand and sticks, his confused feet moving to the background noise of his mate’s desperate crying.
Eventually, his foot caught on a loose branch and he went sprawling on the sandy grass beneath him, his hands cutting on the sharp edges of rocks and shells that had been brought to shore from the sea.
He couldn’t feel his legs, and even though it had been so long ago now, it was a feeling he would never forget. In that moment, he felt distinctly human, and wouldn’t that be a fitting punishment from Eywa for his failures as a father. To be put back into his broken human body, unable to connect with Pandora, unable to protect his family.
That brought back memories of Earth, getting his ass handed to him by bartenders throwing him out for fighting. Then he had been desperate for something to fight for, something to give him purpose. Now he had been blessed with just that and he couldn’t even keep that safe.
What would that Jake think if he knew of Lo’ak? Of Neteyam and Kiri and Spider and Tuk? Would he drag his own avatar body to the ground to beat into a pulp for what he’s ruined of what he so badly wanted?
His breathing picked up as the panicked thoughts made him dizzy until a heavy hand landed on his shoulders and a knee came down to his eye level.
“Breathe, brother, you are of no help to your son or family if you allow this grief to consume you.” Tonowari’s voice was soothing, but Jake didn’t deserve it.
A derisive laugh escaped him, “Help?” He looked up to meet Tonowari’s eyes, and for the first time since this war had started, he finally let himself feel the full extent of the hatred he felt towards himself.
“I can’t help my family! I couldn’t save Neteyam from being killed, I’ve done nothing but scorn and berate Lo’ak, and I almost killed Spider!”
His sins flowed from his mouth, though there was so much more he could add to the list. Starting with not being there for his twin all those years ago. The weight of his mistakes was crushing him now that he’d opened the door to them. He thought of what he’d learned just earlier today, how Spider had kept their family and clan safe despite being tortured. Jake could have lost him then and not even known it until it was far too late. And now Lo’ak. How many times would Jake come a hair’s breadth away from losing another part of his soul without even having the opportunity to stop it? To put things right?
Tonowari looked confused at his words, but Neytiri joined them in kneeling by her mate, her arm around Jake’s shoulders as she explained what had happened in the forest with Spider. He could see anger flare on the man’s face as he learned of yet another of Jake’s sins towards his children.
Jake found himself relieved to see that anger, he sat up and moved closer to the larger Na’vi.
“Yes, yes, you see. I did that! I do nothing but put my kids in danger, I-“ he stopped as tears welled up in his eyes as everything he had done and broken caught up with him. As the truth made itself clearer than it ever had been before.
“I’m worth more dead than alive to them.”
Neytiri let out a hiss at his whispered words, Tonowari sighing in anguish at his friend’s declaration, but Jake knew he was right. If he had died in battle, the clan would have supported his family through the mourning period. Tonowari would never have let them starve. They could’ve healed in peace without his baggage dragging them all to his level. They would have risen from the ashes stronger than he had ever been able to be.
Words were exchanged over his head, hissing and snarling accompanying the words but soon, he felt Neytiri’s hand leave his back and her footsteps faded in the direction of the village.
Instead of Tonowari’s knee, Jake watched as he stood, looking over Jake’s kneeling body. He just kept his head bowed, praying for the execution to go by fast and painless, even though he knew he didn’t deserve that. He should suffer for what he’d done. Jake supposed it would have to be punishment enough to die without laying eyes once more on his children. He tried to bring up their faces in his mind’s eyes. Lo’ak. Kiri. Tuk. Spider. At least he’d see Neteyam again soon, provided Eywa brought Jake home. Provided she deemed him worthy.
“Stand, Toruk Makto.” The voice was unyielding, it could’ve been the Great Mother if it hadn’t been for Tonowari’s deep cadence. Jake pressed his hand into the earth to push himself up to face the man.
Jake prayed once more for a quick execution.
Tonowari must’ve read his mind, “To die now would be to abandon your family. It would do no good to anyone. You must fix this.”
“I can’t.” His voice was weak as it clawed its way out of his throat.
“You can. It will take work. You have done harm to your family, and those wounds are not easily mended, but it is your duty.”
Jake knew he was right, but, “How?”
Tonowari’s hands came to grip Jake’s shoulders, “I don’t know, only you know the extent of your harm, only you can learn how to correct what has been wronged.”
The Na’vi language took longer to process in his distressed state, but Jake nodded feeling encouraged by the confidence in the Olo'eyktan’s voice.
He could fix this. He would fix this. He had allowed the fog of war to cloud his duties as a father. He hadn’t known how to split the difference between father and soldier, but he could leave the latter behind now. Had to leave it behind if he was ever to salvage his relationships with his sons.
With a deep breath and a parting clasp of forearms with Tonowari, he turned back to Awa’atlu and prepared himself to face his family with any semblance of composure.