Chapter Text
Well this was… Unexpected.
No one was really sure what happened the second time you died. As far as anyone knew there wasn't a second hell. Most sinners figured your soul just vanished. If they knew when you died again you might end up standing at the pearly gates they would welcome extermination day with open arms. You found yourself standing on a cloud, the gates of heaven shining with such force you held a hand up to shield your eyes. A thin polished man stood at a kiosk before the entrance. He smiled warmly at you.
“Welcome to heaven! I know this must be a surprise for you but you'll love it here! Can I get your name please?” You're still reeling, this is some hallucination. A dream. Some monumental clerical error. You pinch yourself hard to at least rule out one option, yeah that fucking hurt, not a dream. The angel waits patiently while you gape like a fish on dry land. You stuttered out your name hesitantly, there was no point in lying. He had some sort of list, you were sure the moment you said your name the fluffy cloud floor would disappear and you'd drop into eternal nothingness. He flipped through the pages of his ledger, mumbling your name under his breath, each time with decreasing enthusiasm… Your heart was beating wildly in your chest. The doorman's brow furrowed in concentration, he's turned a lot of pages but your name isn't there. You consider running but where? Its golden fence and barren cloud as far as the eye can see.
“That's strange, you wouldn't be here if you weren't on the list, usually looking at the book is a formality, but this is odd.” He scratches his head as he thinks. “Well, I'm sure there must've just been a small clerical error! Let me call someone a bit higher up to settle this, don't look so worried I'm sure its nothing!” Your face felt bloodless and you could feel a cold sweat building on the back of your neck. The anticipation was going to make you sick, maybe it would've been better if the clouds opened beneath you. He fiddles with a cell phone and tries to make small talk while he waits for some backup.
“Sooooo.. how'd you die?” He asks with an inappropriate amount of casualty.
“Uhm..” you stall, you really didn't want to talk about it, you hadn't even had time to process it yet, being immediately greeted with this following the horror show that was your second death. Neither of your deaths had been clean, that was just your luck, ending up in one shitty situation after another. You decided to go with a half truth, one that at least might not betray the fact that you did not belong here, and would maybe garner some sympathy from whoever had the task of sending you wherever mistakes went. “I was murdered, I kind of don't want to talk about it.. If that's okay with you” you avoided looking at him hoping if you looked as scared as you felt he wouldn't push it. You looked at your shoes, plain white shoes you hadn't been wearing when you died. The angel let out an audible wince.
“Yikes.. sorry I brought it up, it must be a lot to process. We have some wonderful therapists up here, once we get this cleared up I'll get you some resources.” You cross your arms, letting an awkward silence settle between you. It wasn't cold here but you felt a chill, you probably shouldn't hope for a therapy appointment anytime soon. The beating of wings broke the silence and you heard the doorman sigh with relief. “There she is, now we can get this all sorted out” you lift your eyes from your pristine white shoes and see a very tall female angel with 6 wings land gracefully at the side of St. Peter. She radiated with heavenly light and grace. And authority. So here was the angel who would discover you and cast you out.
“Hello Peter, what can I help you with?” Her voice was calm, matronly. It did little to soothe your nerves. He explained your name's absence and flipped through the pages for her to confirm. She rested her chin on an elegant hand in thought as he spoke. You made no move, stiffly standing in the exact spot you'd appeared as if standing perfectly still would save you from a 3rd death. But she was an angel not a t-Rex and standing so still did not save you. “Tell me child, are you sure that's your name?” You nod slowly as she takes you in. She must notice the trembles that have overtaken you. She hummed thoughtfully. “Walk with me, let us see if we can find the source of this confusion” you were going to vomit. You subconsciously wondered how one would clean vomit from a cloud floor. Your feet obeyed even if your heart was careening in your chest. She walks in step with you, taking leisurely strides as you walk the perimeter of the fence.
“Tell me, where are you from?” A friendly enough question, asked with no malice. However this simple question fractures the loose grip you had on your facade. Surely she could tell if you were to lie, even if you half lied and told her of your time on earth it was only a matter of time before you would be found. You'd heard enough bible stories to know whatever biblical punishment awaited you would probably only get infinitely worse if you tried to deceive this angel. You felt so sick right now you might as well get your 3rd death over with rather than prolong this suffering.
“I'm… I came from hell.. Just now.. I don't know what happened, one minute I was being stabbed and the next I was here. If you're going to throw me out do it quickly.. please..” You spoke the confession breathlessly if you didn't get it all out in one breath you'd lose your nerve. The Seraphim's eyes widened and she blinked slowly as she processed the tumbling words.
“Well that's..new.” The calm in her voice was false now. You waited for her to push you off the edge of the clouds into the void. To smite you with some beam of angel magic. But she just stopped walking and stared at you, looking purer than you had ever looked in a clean white shift and simple white shoes. All the blood and ripped clothing had been wiped away when your soul appeared here. She let out a long breath. “I believe the best course of action is to bring you before the council. This is an unprecedented situation and I will need their input to decide what we're to do with you” some of the warmth had bled from her voice. Now that she knew you were a sinner in her domain.
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The council room was huge. Not very wide but incredibly tall, stretching upwards for miles it seemed. Various types of angels fluttered from one balcony to another, all the whispers in the echoing chamber made a new chill go up your spine. Sera led you in chains to a podium on the floor and told you to stay there as she flapped up to a high balcony to her place. Looking up at all these angels, who were having hushed conversations, staring down at you, examining you. You felt like a fish in a barrel. Sera cleared her throat and immediately the last few stragglers perched on their balconies and the whispering stopped. In the moment before she began the silence was deafening.
“Thank you all for joining me for this emergency meeting of the council. As you may have already heard, we have an.. unprecedented situation. This soul appeared to us at the gates, bearing all the marks of one given passage to the gates of heaven. But her name does not appear on Peter's list. This soul is not of earth, but sent to us from hell.” Sera paused as a collective gasp went up. Waiting for the chamber to quiet once again. “We are here to decide the fate of this soul and the ramifications of this turn of events.” Murmurs went up again. You studied the angels, a great many of them glaring down with obvious disdain or alarm. Perhaps you should defend yourself. Convince them that you deserved eternal bliss. You shook your head at yourself, there was no argument you could think to make. You went to hell for a reason, a great many reasons to be honest, and in hell there was very little reason to start trying to turn your life around.
The angel's conversations were growing in volume, about fifty different debates were erupting above you. This did not seem to be going in a favorable direction for you. The cold sweat that had coated you since you appeared seemed to drench you. You should've thrown yourself off this stupid cloud when you had the chance. At least then you'd have control. You'd never had any control like that and you'd stupidly stood like a deer and let them take it away again. Sera called for order. This time the angels took longer to settle, some of their feathers were visibly ruffled. “Before we call judgement let's examine this soul and see what truths lay within” a massive sphere appeared in the center of the marble floor before you. Glowing with that headache inducing heavenly light. God, have these angels ever heard of warm lighting? If you hadn't been scared out of your mind you might've asked for a pair of sunglasses.
The orb flickered, a grainy image grew clearer. A young girl, in a dirty dress sitting in a dirty alley fighting a stray dog for scraps. Great. You watched as the clip of your childhood played. Now I get to relive these terrible memories with a massive audience to judge me, fucking fantastic. The next clip played, you were cleaner in this one at least and older. Your old “boyfriend” was there, screaming at you again. To get out there and make him some money with your body. You'd been naive, believing he loved you until he turned around and made you work. The context was clear enough and you were thankful the cursed crystal ball did play any of your actual hard labor. You were trying hard enough as it was to keep the bile in your stomach. More of your memories played, stealing, drugs, standing by when your so called “boyfriend” abused his new younger girls. You felt a guilty pit in your stomach. You'd always wished you had the spine to stand up for them, to be the person you had needed when you were in their shoes. You watched yourself ignore their suffering, too afraid of the repercussions to save them. Maybe if you'd known that you'd die a horrible death no matter how obedient and hardworking you were, you would've accepted the task. But you were a coward then. And a coward now. Your knees wobbled but you locked them in place. You had plenty of practice in not looking afraid. You'd learned tears earned you nothing but a backhand to the face. Life had kicked you in the stomach enough times that you'd mastered the art of standing there and bearing it.
The image shifted again. Oh Satan, of course this memory would play. You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard yourself in a past life. You had been so smug. Proud of yourself at the time but it hadn't lasted. Another girl was planning to escape. She'd been stealing money to get a bus ticket and run. She was trying to get several of the other girls out, she'd offered to save you. And what did you do? With the first act of kindness shown to you in years? You spit on it, stomped on it. You told your pimp. And you'd been so proud of yourself, sure you'd get a reward for being such a good little bitch. You couldn't bear to look at the images you knew played. You didn't have to. The memories of what happened next have haunted you every night since. Over the screams in your memory you heard cries of outrage in the balconies above you. You squeezed your eyes shut tighter. This was it. No hope now. But the orb played your death next. It hadn't been many months later. A client had paid handsomely for the privilege of ripping you to shreds. It didn't matter to your master, you were getting too old and too worn out anyways. That memory somehow was more bearable than the one before it. The cries of outrage had died. You might have been mistaken but you may have heard a few sounds of pity as you were torn apart. You made yourself open your eyes to watch your final moments. Did you always look that vulnerable? The image changed again there you were, freshly dropped into hell and signing a contract with Valentino. You tried not to wince as you watched yourself sign the page. Once you'd dropped into hell you'd decided to stick with what you knew, or maybe it was to punish yourself. Things were good for a while, you were making money, lavished in gifts and attention. But always there was someone newer, prettier, better. And once again you were old news. The dark part of you laughed at yourself and the irony you put yourself in. Two lives lived almost exactly the same. Except the final moment. The one that must've only happened hours ago. Some very pretty naive young thing like yourself was picking up the pen. About to sign Val's soul contract, and eternally bind her soul to his. It wasn't the first one you'd seen tricked but this time you had snapped, you'd finally found your spine. A fat lot of good it did you, but you did save her, one down on her luck sinner just. Like. You.
You'd stopped her hand and begged her to run. She saw the fear and desperation in your eyes as Val tried to shove you out of the way. The way he shoved you away sealed the warning and the girl ran. Your relief for her did not last long. You'd never seen Val so angry, not even when Angel ran off to that hotel. But for those few precious seconds you were brave. You weren't so brave after that. You closed your eyes to the replaying memory again. It was still too fresh to relive it. When the memory stopped the angels began their murmurs again. Your stomach feels like it being squeezed. You stand there for what feels like ages, helplessly picking up bits of heated debate. You feel the words “coward” and “traitor” hit you like a physical blow making you want to curl in on yourself. An angel has just flown down from Sera's balcony having conferred with her briefly. He comes to hover before you. His golden eyes meet yours and are so piercing, reading you with a neutral expression. His robes are distinct, like he's in some heavenly parade. As much as you feel you should look away you can't, you feel compelled to meet his gaze. The conversation seemed to die around you, you were unsure if they'd actually stopped speaking or if you were trapped so thoroughly in this moment that it fell away.
“Would you do it again?” He said it so plainly without malice or any hint of warmth. You knew immediately what he meant. You didn't even have to think about your answer.
“Yes.” You'd made the choice to stand idly by too many times. Each time had felt so wrong and so shattering. But even as you lay dying in the gutters of hell you had never felt better, never felt more honest and free. Like you'd done something that mattered. Now your eyes were boring into his, your conviction hitting his golden gaze like steel, unyielding. He felt it too. His shoulders slackened slightly, the corners of his mouth upturned partially and his gaze softened. You had forgotten there was an audience for a moment. They were rapt with attention on your very brief conversation with the angel. The chatter in the room resumed as the angel before you flew back up to his balcony. As you traced his path with your eyes you caught the words “redemption” and “repentance”. The iron fist in your stomach eased a bit. The angels debated endlessly, and your feet began to ache. Finally Sera dismissed the final angel offering her council and cleared her throat once more.
“We have come to a decision.” You craned your neck upwards so far up your neck began to complain along with your feet. “We have decided to accept your residence in heaven, with a few conditions.” Your heart leapt. Was this happening? You held your breath. As she continued “you are to be enlisted to heavens military legions.” Your eyes widened and you couldn't help the small gasp that came from you. The angel army that went down to hell and purged sinners? The fist in your stomach was back with a vengeance. “You will train with them, live among them, and vow yourself to their cause.” Whatever color your face retained was surely long gone. “Until the council has convened again on this issue, you will have an escort if you leave the base.” So you were to be kept as a pet, on a very short leash. Despite this raw deal you felt hopeful, you could learn to love it right? It was heaven. It had to be good didn't it?
You almost cried at the offer, sure it was a cage, but so far it was the best cage you'd ever seen. “Do you accept these conditions?”
“Yes” you choked out, hoping your tone had sounded more like gratitude than hesitation.
“Adam, why don't you go and welcome your newest recruit.”