Chapter Text
Edd was no stranger to interesting situations.
The three of them ended up in stranger-than-strange situations almost every day!
Like, a few months ago, when they went to Atlantis through their god damned toilet, or when they fought off clones of themselves that were a little too horny, Oh! And that time they went to literal Hell and made friends with Satan.
So, Edd waking up strapped to a metal table wasn’t allllllll that weird to him.
He didn’t remember exactly how he got here actually… Tom and him had been hanging out on the porch, nothing strange had been going on as far as he was aware.
Tom had been drinking some fucking alcoholic beverage, and Edd had been sitting on the pavement drinking cola.
Annnnnnd Matt had been mowing the lawn because Tom was “Way too fucking drunk.” and Edd was “A lazy prick.”
And now here Edd was strapped to this fun metal table by his wrists and ankles. The metal cuffs were digging into his skin- or at least they were digging through his hoodie and sweatpants.
This was like he was some sort of god damn villain in a movie- or superhero?
Yeah… superheroes usually get captured like this, didn’t they?
Damn, was this kinky.
Maybe Matt had spiked their drinks with something and took them here??? That thought alone was enough to pique the interest of Edd’s cock.
But alas, here he was all alone in a dark room- Edd couldn’t really see the walls or a door or anything too important that would help him get out of there.
Edd wasn’t worried- if anything, he was more concerned as to where Tom and Matt were. He couldn’t hear either of them screaming or anything… so that had to be a good sign!
Right????
His train of thought was very rudely interrupted when the table started tilting up until Edd was almost lying straight up.
Almost like he was standing- except his hands were next to his head, and… he was still restrained to the damn table.
As he looked down at the floor, he could see some sort of bottomless pit below him. He didn’t want to know what the hell was down there…
“Well fuck…” Edd laughed to himself. “This is so wei-!” He gasped as the cuffs around his limbs were let go, and he fell straight down into the bottomless pit.
Edd yelled as he fell, landing hard on his chest as he hit the ground.
“Uuugh… what the fuck…” he grumbled to himself, blinking stars out of his eyes.
He sat up, making sure nothing was broken and trying to figure out where in the actual hell he was. He seemed to have landed in a white room that stretched on for eons. Or at least it seemed that way.
It was messing with him- maybe this was the afterlife?
But he didn’t remember dying???
Damn, the afterlife was kinky as all could be if he started strapped to a table.
And where the hell were-
Something heavy fell on top of him, making Edd hit the ground hard for the second time.
“Jesus- fucking- ow!!!!!” a voice screamed.
Oh.
That wasn’t something, it was a someone!!!
Edd ignored the way his ribs and back felt like they had been crushed as he tackled his boyfriend into a hug.
“Matt! What the fuck is going on!!!” he shouted a bit too loudly.
He looked up at his vampire boyfriend, meeting his eyes and trying to make sure the love of his life wasn’t hurt. Edd could tell Matt was doing the same thing by the second of silence they both shared.
“I was gonna ask that too-“ they frowned, biting at their lip in a way that told Edd they were worried. “Where’s Tom? And why are you naked?”
Before Edd could answer that question, Tom fell on top of the two of them.
“Ffffffuckkkkinnngggg Owwwwww…” Tom grumbled, which made Edd feel relieved to hear his voice.
Edd sat back to get a good look at the two of them. Neither Matt nor Tom was wearing any clothes.
So then Edd looked down at himself for confirmation.
They were all naked.
Which was weird- Edd definitely remembered having clothes on when he was strapped to that metal table????
Why had he even been there if they were just going to take his clothes???
Why not do it before he woke up???
And how had he not noticed it???
Edd had way too many questions. He looked over to the other two to see what thoughts they had.
Matt had pulled Tom close to his chest; it was apparent the poor bloke was still very drunk from earlier.
So that meant not much time had passed if Tom was still severely fucked up.
“Soooooooo… any clue on what you did this time???” Matt sighed, looking at Edd. “Who the fuck did you piss off? And why did they put us in a sex dungeon??”
Edd shrugged, hopping to his feet and looking around the white barren room.
“Nooooo clue, Matty Batty. This place is bloody cool though! Listen, listen, I can hear my voice echo!!!” Edd shouted, grinning widely as he looked back at Matt.
They weren’t smiling.
“Great. Reallll great, Edd. But I would rather not be raped by some random person or creature today, thanks.” They deadpanned, which only made Edd roll his eyes.
“Fineeeeee~ I have no clue how to get out of here though.” he admitted.
He walked back over to his friends and sat right next to them to await his fate.
Poor Tom was just slumped over on Matt’s lap like a dumb little ragdoll. It was so obvious he wasn’t with them by any means.
The dumbass had become somewhat of an alcoholic ever since Tord left.
Matt huffed, their fingers getting caught in Tom’s messy, unkept hair. His curls were horribly kept- it was bad.
Edd huffed too, letting his head rest in his hands.
“I guess we just wait??? Doesn’t it seem like we’re being murdered? Maybe whoever did this just really hates clothes???”
Matt snickered. “Sure, Edd. Let’s just go with that.”
Edd wasn’t really sure how long they had sat there in tense silence.
A few minutes??? An hour??? Maybe even longer??!
He really had no clue!!
However long that silence lasted, they became very obviously not alone.
Matt noticed it first, floating in the air above them- Edd wouldn’t have seen a damn thing if Matt didn’t say something.
“Edward, what the fuck is that?” They stared at it, and Edd followed their gaze.
There were little red fuzzies floating in the air. They looked like little red dust particles floating around like snow falling from the sky.
So logically, Edd got up to investigate what it was! Of course, getting too close to the red snowflake fuzzies and inhaling a few.
He gagged immediately, coughing hard before he turned back to Matt with a grin on his face.
“Shit- I think I swallowed some.” Edd laughed, all nonchalantly like this wasn’t a big deal.
It wasn’t!!!
They looked so completely harmless!!!!
“The fuck do you mean you swallowed it?!!!” Matt screeched, making Tom groan and roll over in Matt’s lap.
“Ssssshhhhut up.” he grumbled, almost incoherent with his mumbling.
Edd shrugged, walking back over and patting Matt’s hair in a small attempt to soothe him.
“Oh come onnnnn~ I’m fine. It isn’t going to kill me.” Edd tried to reason, but Matt looked pissed at him beyond all belief.
“Edward Bailey, it’s been five seconds since you inhaled it!” Matt huffed, their fists clenched in frustration. “Oh my god. I’m going to kill you. I’m really gonna kill you!!!” they shouted loud enough to echo through the room.
Edd sat back down with the love of his life, wrapping his arms around their waist.
“Shhhhh~ Matty dearrrrr~ I’ll be fineeee~ I promise.”
As soon as he said that, the room exploded with the red fuzzies.
They started falling on the white floor and sticking to everything in sight.
“Edd! Cover your mouth!” Matt shouted, leaning down to cover Tom’s mouth and nose for him.
The dumbass wasn’t in any shape to even realize what was happening.
Edd did as he was told, regardless, not wanting to make Matt any more mad at him.
So he covered his nose and mouth as the particles blanketed the entire room. As much as he believed a few wouldn’t kill him, he had no idea what a bunch of them would do.
They landed everywhere, covering the white room and their bare skin like a blanket of red snow. It didn’t feel like anything either- just like little fuzzies… ha! Edd was totally right with that one!!!
Within seconds, they all evaporated into nothing. It was like they had never been there in the first place.
Edd took his hand away first. “Huh… that was weird.” he laughed, more and more curious about what this adventure would bring.
Matt shuddered, rubbing their arms as if to get all of the invisible particles off their body. “We need to get the fuck out of here, Edd.”
Edd nodded slowly, standing back up and trying to look for an escape. He started walking, realizing very quickly that the empty white room had walls like a standard room. He followed the walls up and down the room- but nothing happened. No door opened, and no help appeared.
Edd walked back to Matt and sat back down after five whole seconds of searching.
This was so boring.
“Well, I have no clue how the fuck to get out of here.” He declared.
“Wonderful.” Matt deadpanned, tracing his fingers down Tom’s arms. “Fucking wonderful.”
Edd opened his mouth to respond to that with some sort of quip, but his breath got caught in his throat. His tongue dried up and stuck to the top of the roof of his mouth.
It all happened in a second-
One moment, he felt fine and completely normal; the next moment, his entire body was on fire with white hot arousal.
Okay, maybe those red particles weren’t completely harmless.