Ilya Rozanov has shared a file with you: Sex_statistics_presentation_2017.ppt
Hello everybody
We are doing this again this year? The Dating Wrap.
Cliff Marlow
YEAHHH ROZY
Ryan Carmichael
Dude YES
Victor St-Simon
oh this is the one i was looking forward to
Last year’s was nuts
Cliff Marlow
after those stats he put up last year I’ll listen to anything Rozy says about women
Ryan Carmichael
Yeah maybe Cliff’s 2018 Wrapped will be a little less sparse if you teach him Roz
Cliff Marlow
At least it’s more interesting than Victor’s
Victor St-Simon
I’m sorry I have a gf I love very much???
Cliff Marlow
I’m just messing
But you have to admit it makes for a boring Dating Wrapped
Victor if your girlfriend gets bored tell her to call me, yes?
Victor St-Simon
Rozanov.
Kidding just jokes!
I sent you all PowerPoint
I work very hard on this so you can take notes from me
🥇💕💋👠🥵🍆💯😍👍
Ilya Rozanov 2017 Dating Wrap
🫦🗣️💃🕺👑🌹🏒
To help my sad and lonely teammates learn to get laid 😘
Ryan Carmichael
Hahahaha our emoji king
Gorgeous Roz
I make it look nice for you so you feel less bad about your sad love lives
Cliff Marlow
Buddy you know we can’t read that, what on earth does the meme say
Do not worry it’s very funny
Next slide
In 2017 I went on 150 dates. This is not exact number but I guess
Dates with new people: 5
Dates with those I know already: 145
Ryan Carmichael
Brooo
Cliff Marlow
Huh way fewer new girls than last year
Although nightly average is still insane
Victor St-Simon
Do you ever sleep??
Yes I sleep like little baby
Sex is good for sleep
Cliff Marlow
lol look at those repeat customers numbers though
Montreal girl probably makes up a chunk of that :)
Victor St-Simon
Oh I KNOW she does
Our Canadian good luck charm
Do not lose focus boys
Next slide
The professions of those I went on dates with.
Model 👠: 7
Expensive car selling 🚗: 2
Lawyer 👩💼: 2
I do not know ❓: 4
Also pro athlete 💪🥵: 1
Ryan Carmichael
Humble bragging about all those models fuck you dude haha
Cliff Marlow
Okay WAY fewer girls than last year
Montreal girl must really be taking up a chunk of your time these days
Victor St-Simon
Is Montreal girl a model??
Cliff Marlow
Bet she is, that’s why Rozy’s always got that shit eating grin whenever we land in Canada
Victor St-Simon
Wait stop talking about Montreal girl for a second, we gotta get the deets on this athlete
Nice butch arm emoji
Is she jacked?
Ryan Carmichael
Is that that skier you hooked up with in Sochi? She was so fine
No not her
Better athlete than her
Not as good as me though
Ryan Carmichael
Hotter?????
Yes also this
That is why I put the sexy emoji
Ryan Carmichael
Jesus
Next slide
The locations where I had sex.
Boston 🇺🇸
Montreal 🇨🇦
Ottawa 🇨🇦
Moscow 🇷🇺
New York 🇺🇸
Tampa 🇺🇸
Cliff Marlow
lol Montreal girl supremacy confirmed
Attagirl Jane
Ryan Carmichael
Ottawa? Lots of hot models there Roz?
Victor St-Simon
Dude Tampa??? We were barely there this year
We didn’t even go out after the All Stars game and the only people around were the other players and their families. how did you even pull there?
I do not reveal my secrets
Cliff Marlow
The man's a menace boys
What we did on our dates
Sex at my house 💯: many times
Sex at their house 😎: many times
Sex at hotel 😏: many times
Drinks at club 🕺💃: some times
I make tuna melts, we watch hockey 😍🥪: one time
Cliff Marlow
Uh wow
Victor St-Simon
Okay we do maybe need to workshop some more creative date ideas Roz
Ryan Carmichael
I mean it seems to be working for him?
Cliff Marlow
is tuna melt a euphemism Rozy
What is euphemism?
Cliff Marlow
Did you ACTUALLY make tuna melts or you know
Were you going downtown
Ryan Carmichael
Marlow you dog
Oh you think I mean
куннилингус
No not this. Was real tuna melt
Very romantic tuna melt
I hit that date out of park
Ryan Carmichael
wow who is the *one* lucky girl who got Ilya Rozanov in the kitchen???
I’m sorry you wish I make you sandwich Ryan, I save tuna melt for very special hot people only
Next slide
Some other statistics for you
Threesomes: 1 👯
Shortest time between scoring goal and having orgasm: 15 minutes ⏰
Romantic trips: 1🏊🏼♂️🌲 💕
Girls I cried about: 0, I do not do this 🙅
Ryan Carmichael
15 minutes LMAO
Victor St-Simon
Was she at a game??? This had to have been Montreal right
I hope she didn’t distract you…
Do not worry I was VERY focused on what was happening on ice
Cliff Marlow
Roz sorry buddy but last stat isn’t quite true
I definitely caught you crying over Jane when you guys broke up for a while
What
This is lie
Victor St-Simon
No I do remember you getting misty in the Montreal airport that one time
I am a man of my word
I do not cry over women
Cliff Marlow
If you say so…
Ryan Carmichael
Was that before or after the romantic getaway
Cliff Marlow
Romantic getaway. INSANE
We're entering a new era fellas. Rozy is fully whipped
Marlow I kill you later
Next slide
Places where I will be having sex in the future
Boston 🇺🇸
Montreal 🇨🇦
Ottawa 🇨🇦
Victor St-Simon
Wait is this a soft launch???
What is soft launch
Ryan Carmichael
Definitely a soft launch WOW
If I had to guess it's Jane all the way
Cliff Marlow
He’s been tamed boys!!! Montreal girl has bagged it
Does she have a second home in Ottawa or something? Why are you going to be there so much???
I do not kiss and tell
Cliff Marlow
It's a new era
Would love to have your supermodel leftovers Rozy
Keep dreaming Marlow
Victor St-Simon
Excited to finally have another Dating Wrapped next year from a guy in a relationship
It's great to be boring and in love, Roz, congrats
I am not boring!
Friday 4:40 PM
I did look up these words
Whipped. And also soft launch
Maybe they are true now
And yes, maybe I will be a little more boring now
But I am still the number one at sex.
Ryan Carmichael
In all seriousness we're happy for you dude
Cliff Marlow
Ok but WHEN are we going to meet her?? It's been literal years
Hmmmm
We will see
Victor St-Simon
Congrats big guy. Jane is a lucky lady
Yes he is
Cliff Marlow
Wow been a while since you mixed up a pronoun buddy
"She"
You know me
Terrible at English
😈
