Chapter Text
Veronica lingered near the door. Duke and Chandler had already made it to their respective cars. Duke was already pulling out of the driveway.
“Everything okay?” McNamara asked.
Veronica chewed on her lip. Was it worth the risk to fuck it all up? She’d been surviving off just brushes of touch. She’d learn to manage. JD had taught her how little touch an omega actually needed to survive.
“Veronica?” McNamara asked.
“Can I get a hug?” Veronica blurted out.
McNamara stared at her in shock.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Veronica said. What the fuck had she been thinking? She hadn’t done anything worth asking for a hug for. “Goodbye,” Veronica mumbled as she turned to go.
McNamara caught her wrist.
Veronica froze. The touch fed her omega hindbrain. She feared what came next. Maybe waiting till the others had left was a mistake. McNamara could punish her however she wanted.
“Of course you can have a hug,” McNamara said. “I was just surprised. I didn’t think you liked being touched.”
Veronica didn’t say anything.
McNamara pulled her into a hug. Veronica sank into her. It was the most she’d been touched in a long time. Even JD rarely gave this much. She wanted to stay in McNamara’s arms forever. She’d already asked for too much.
She stepped back. “Thank you.”
“Is everything okay?” McNamara asked. “Is something wrong?”
Veronica didn’t know how to answer. The Heathers didn’t know she was an omega. She had carefully hidden that.
“No,” Veronica said, “everything’s fine. Thanks, for the hug.”
“Okay,” McNamara said. “If that’s the story you want to stick with. You’re welcome, but remember. You have a pack now Veronica. You can come to us.”
“Thanks,” Veronica said, as she left.
McNamara didn’t stop her.
-
Veronica scratched at the inside of her wrist to try and distract herself. Hugging McNamara had been a mistake, like giving an addict a fresh hit. She was willing to do anything for another. McNamara was sitting on the couch a few feet from her. She wasn’t paying attention to her. She was locked in an animated conversation with Duke over a book series that had gotten a recent TV adaptation.
Veronica had been paying attention until she couldn’t anymore, too focused on not giving in to her need for touch. McNamara hadn’t tried to cash in any favors for the last hug, but Veronica really couldn’t push her luck.
She scratched harder. JD had taught her this technique. There were others - making touch a bad thing, painful, so that she would crave it less. Everything else was less subtle. This she could get away with in public.
“Veronica,” Chandler said.
Veronica's head snapped up.
“Come here,” Chandler said.
Fear clenched Veronica’s heart. What had she done wrong?
She stood up and crossed the room. Chandler was laying on the other couch, her back against Duke, who was sitting. Her legs stretched across the length of the couch.
Veronica had no idea what Chandler wanted. She nearly dropped to her knees, but that would be a decidedly omega thing to do.
Chandler grabbed her wrist. Even the touch was not enough to cut through her rising panic.
“Do you have a bug bite or something? Are you allergic to something? You’ve scratched the shit out of your wrist.”
Veronica had no idea what to say.
“Just itchy I guess,” she mumbled.
Chandler stood. “Let me go see if I can find some lotion or something to help with that, come on.”
Veronica followed. Her pulse still pounded in her ears. Was Chandler just trying to get her alone for a punishment? She still didn’t know what she had done to deserve a punishment. She raked her memories. She came up with nothing.
Chandler went to the bathroom and began digging in the cabinets. She found a bottle and pulled back to turn to Veronica. She paused.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“What did I do wrong?” Veronica blurted, voice tight from terror. “I can’t figure it out. What did I do? I’m sorry. Whatever it was.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Chandler asked.
“Shit, is this about last week? With McNamara?” Veronica asked. “I’m sorry. It was a moment of weakness. It won’t happen again.”
“Veronica, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Chandler said. “You’ve completely lost me. I was getting you lotion for your rash. Why - why the hell - why are you asking me if you’ve done something wrong?”
Great. Now she had fucked up.
“I’m sorry,” Veronica said.
Chandler huffed and reached for Veronica’s wrist again. She pushed back Veronica’s sleeve, her knuckles brushing the soft skin of Veronica’s wrist.
Veronica inhaled sharply despite herself. The touch went straight to her hind brain, leaving a tingly trail behind along the nerves.
“This might sting,” Chandler said, and then she was rubbing the lotion on her wrist.
Veronica was transfixed by the gentle soft motions as she rubbed the lotion in.
“Hopefully that helps,” Chandler said and let go of Veronica.
Veronica nearly reached out. She needed more. She craved more. She needed her next hit - her next high.
She pulled her sleeve back down.
“Thanks,” she mumbled.
Chandler put away the lotion, but didn’t move to go back downstairs. The fear began rising back up her throat.
“Why did you ask me what you’d done wrong?” Chandler asked.
Veronica shrugged awkwardly.
“Veronica,” Chandler said softly, “what happened with McNamara? Did she do something? Are you okay?”
“No, no, she didn’t do anything. I’m fine,” Veronica said.
“Veronica please,” Chandler said, “I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me.”
Had Chandler found out she was lying about her designation? Was that the problem? Was that what she’d done wrong?
“I’m sorry I freaked out,” Veronica said. “Let’s just go back with the others.”
“Veronica,” Chandler sighed. “I’m not mad. I just want to know why you freaked out. I don’t understand.”
“I thought you wanted to punish me,” Veronica mumbled.
“What?” Chandler asked. “For what? Why would I do that? Also we don’t have that kind of relationship.”
“I’m sorry,” Veronica said. She didn’t know what else to say.
“I thought you hadn’t been in a pack before.” Chandler said, but the question was clear.
“One alpha doesn’t count as a pack,” Veronica mumbled. “I wasn’t lying.”
“Your ex was an asshole,” Chandler said. “I’m sorry he hurt you. I’m never going to punish you Veronica, unless it’s part of a pre-discussed scene, but like I said, we don’t have that kind of relationship.”
“Okay,” Veronica mumbled. “I’m sorry, again.”
“It’s okay,” Chandler said, “You’ve been hurt. That manifests in weird ways. Just… if you can be honest, that lets us help you… but I know that’s hard.”
“Thanks,” Veronica mumbled.
They returned back downstairs. McNamara and Duke glanced up, before resuming their discussion.
Veronica returned to her spot on the couch several feet from McNamara. It might as well have been miles.
Chandler wrapped herself around Duke’s back, resting her chin on Duke’s shoulder. Duke adjusted seamlessly to let Chandler be comfortable. Casual touch. Casual closeness.
A deep need burned in Veronica, clawing at her chest. She dug her nails into her palms. She tried to focus on anything else than the touch.
She always felt sick since her touch need was never met. It flared. She feared she might throw up. Her head began to pound.
She tried to focus on what Mac and Duke were talking about. She couldn’t process any of the words.
Duke made some gesture and elbowed Chandler. Chandler growled softly in irritation, but didn’t move.
If Veronica had done something like that to JD, he would’ve made her go without touch for a week.
At least with JD she knew how to earn her touch too. She didn’t know how to with the Heathers. She couldn’t let them know she needed it. She couldn’t fall into the same trap as with JD, and that meant hiding her omega status.
That was becoming so fucking hard as her inner omega tried to rip out, tried to launch at McNamara. She buried it deep. She needed a better distraction. She needed to not be hanging out next to her drug.
She pulled out her phone and feigned surprise. “Shit, sorry, I got to go.”
“Really?” Duke asked.
“Um, yeah, sorry,” Veronica said, and practically bolted.
-
Veronica threw up again, only bile came up. Her touch deprivation sickness had only been this bad once before. Even JD had broken his rules and given in.
Veronica couldn’t do that. If she did, they would know she was an omega.
She dragged herself to the sink and washed her face off and her mouth out. Her vision swam with the pain from her headache.
Veronica managed to shoot a text to the group chat that she was sick, and then she dragged herself to her bed and collapsed into it.
-
Veronica woke up in someone’s arms. Was she in some feelings fever dream?
But she felt good. She felt better than she had in a long time. That meant it was real. That meant the touch was real.
Fuck.
Panic rose up. She couldn’t stop her shaky panicked breaths.
“Easy, easy,” McNamara murmured. That seemed to be who was holding her. “The fever is probably affecting your dreams. You’re okay.”
If she faked illness they wouldn’t know that touch had fixed it. They wouldn’t know she was an omega. They wouldn’t weaponize that.
“I’m gonna get you sick,” Veronica mumbled.
“A risk I’m willing to take,” McNamara said. “Cuddling always helps me feel better. We also brought some soup.”
“We?” Veronica asked in confusion.
“Yeah,” McNamara said. “Chandler and Duke are here too.”
Veronica glanced around her room. Chandler and Duke were sitting at the end of her bed.
“You guys didn’t need to come watch me be sick,” Veronica mumbled.
“We’re your pack,” Chandler said. “We’re going to take care of you.”
“What cost?” Veronica asked. Maybe she wasn’t as recovered as she thought. Her filter hadn’t returned yet.
“What?” McNamara asked.
“Veronica,” Chandler said softly. “We’re not your ex. There is no cost.”
Veronica managed to reign in her words and shut up before she said something else stupid.
“I’m going to get you some soup,” Duke said, “maybe some food will help clear your head.”
Veronica didn’t protest.
McNamara still held her close. “Who’s this ex of yours?”
“An alpha,” Chandler answered. “That’s all I know.”
“Veronica?” McNamara said softly.
“Doesn’t matter,” Veronica mumbled. “He moved.”
“Is this touch okay?” McNamara asked.
Veronica stiffened.
McNamara began moving back. Veronica wanted to stop her, but didn’t want to sound desperate. She wanted, needed the touch back, but they couldn’t know the truth.
“It’s um - it’s fine,” Veronica mumbled. “I like it.”
“Are you sure?” McNamara asked.
“Yeah,” Veronica said.
McNamara pulled her back close. Veronica leaned into her. She let her eyes drift back shut. This was the most touch she had ever had that she could remember. This was the best she had ever felt. Her body seemed determined to play catch up and get some proper sleep.
“Try and stay awake to eat,” McNamara murmured.
She ran one hand through Veronica’s hair, scraping her scalp lightly. Veronica leaned into it. She felt a purr begin to bubble in her chest. She coughed to cover it up.
“Nasty bug you’ve got,” Chandler said.
“Yeah,” Veronica mumbled.
Duke returned with the soup. She handed it over to Veronica. Veronica began eating it. It was delicious. Food had never tasted this good. She scarfed it down.
“You needed that,” McNamara said.
“Yeah, I guess so,” Veronica mumbled.
Chandler took the bowl from her, and then left. Duke handed her a water bottle. Veronica took a few sips.
“Can I join in the cuddles?” Duke asked.
“Sure,” Veronica said, forgetting the pretense of them getting sick at the prospect of more touch. She truly was an addict.
Duke slid in on her other side, sneaking an arm around her. She let eyes drift shut, leaning heavily on McNamara. Then, before sleep could find her - the nausea did.
Her eyes shot open again, panic rising. Why was she sick again? She wasn’t actually sick. What the hell was happening?
“Another nightmare?” Duke asked in confusion.
Veronica nodded, a lie.
McNamara pressed a hand against her forehead. “You do still feel hot.”
“Maybe some ice?” Duke suggested.
Chandler returned, holding a washcloth. “Lay down fully.”
Duke and McNamara pulled back so that she could lay down. Weirdly enough she didn’t feel any more sick. If this was touch deprivation sickness, that should’ve made it worse. Was she actually sick? She shouldn’t have a fever.
Chandler laid the damp washcloth across her forehead.
“I still think she should go to a hospital,” Chandler grumbled, before leaning back again. “Cuddles can’t fix everything.”
But they should be able to fix this. Veronica really didn’t understand.
“Give her a few days,” McNamara said. “Hospitals aren’t fun. If it’s just a bad cold, she’ll be okay.”
Chandler huffed. “Fine, but you two better not get sick as well.”
“Veronica spends a lot of time with us,” Duke said. “We’ve probably already been exposed to whatever got her sick, and if we’re not sick now…”
“That logic seems flawed,” Chandler muttered.
McNamara was still sitting next to her. If Veronica scooted just a few inches, she’d be pressed up against her leg. She settled for just leaning her head under the guise of falling asleep. It quickly no longer became a guise.
-
“If it’s touch deprivation then why can’t I touch her?” McNamara hissed.
“Because it’s more complicated than that,” Duke growled. “You can’t give a starving or dehydrated person a bunch of water or food all at once. They get sick. It’s like that.”
“There can’t possibly be a thing as too much touch,” McNamara huffed. “It is just touch at the end of the day.”
“Not for an omega,” Duke said.
How had they found out? She felt panic and fear fill her again. Panic scent filled the air. Panicked omega scent. Shit. Why could she smell herself? Why was her own scent so strong? It shouldn’t be there at all.
Someone set a hand on her shoulder. “Your scent blockers wore off.”
Chandler sounded soft and apologetic. It didn’t matter. It was game over if they knew the truth.
“So Chandler can touch her?” McNamara huffed.
“There’s a big difference between a hand and fully cuddling her,” Duke said.
“You were cuddling her too,” McNamara huffed.
“And I admit that wasn’t the best idea,” Duke snapped back.
“Mac, Duke,” Chandler said. “Be quiet.”
Both huffed but fell silent.
“Do you have touch deprivation?” Chandler asked softly.
Veronica didn’t want to answer.
Chandler rubbed her thumb softly against her shoulder, bribing her with touch. Already, they knew she was an omega, and they used it.
“Don’t know,” Veronica mumbled, and braced herself for Chandler’s touch to withdraw. The line between a bribe and a threat was very thin, it only mattered how it was phrased.
Chandler’s hand didn’t move. “We think you do, and Duke found out that in severe cases when omegas go without touch, or with very little for a long time, they can paradoxically get sick again with too much touch, if not worked up to it.”
Veronica didn’t say anything.
“We want to help you feel better,” Chandler continued, “unfortunately that means weaning out the touch, until you can handle a lot at once.”
All Veronica heard was that they were going to control touch. She was back in the same trap with JD. She should’ve convinced them to leave when they thought she was just sick.
Chandler’s hand on her shoulder didn’t leave. The gentle rubbing motions continued as well. Pleasant thrums went up to her hindbrain. She began to feel better.
She tried to lean more into Chandler. Chandler didn’t let her, the touch on her shoulder becoming more firm.
“I’m sorry,” Chandler said. “But you’ll only get sick again, if you get too much touch.”
It sounded like bullshit. It sounded like someone who just wanted more control. She needed to get herself under control.
She moved away from Chandler, forcing her brain into wakefulness. She’d been fighting off touch deprivation most of her life. She would continue to do so. She would be fine. She wouldn’t be reliant on an alpha. She wouldn’t fall into the trap again.
“Just go,” Veronica said, as she sat up.
“What?” Chandler asked.
“Leave,” Veronica repeated. “I’m not doing this again. So get out.”
“Doing what again?” McNamara asked.
“Having an alpha control my touch,” Veronica growled. They already knew the truth it didn’t fucking matter.
“Your ex?” Chandler asked while Duke and Mac stared in shock.
“Yeah,” Veronica huffed. “So I’m not fucking sliding back into that trap. So get the fuck out. I will deal with the social fallout, just leave me the fuck alone.”
“I’m not trying to control your touch,” Chandler said, “I’m not trying to use it to control you.”
“Then what the fuck are you doing?” Veronica growled.
“Trying to help you heal,” Chandler said, “right now, too much touch will make you sick.”
“It sounds like fucking bullshit,” Veronica spat.
“I agree,” McNamara said. “If she has touch deprivation there’s one way to fix it - touch.”
Veronica looked at McNamara in surprise. A flicker of hope built.
“Not this severe of touch deprivation,” Chandler argued, she turned to Veronica. “How long have you been touch deprived?”
Veronica debated for a second. “When haven’t I been?”
“You’ve never had your need met?” Chandler asked.
“No,” Veronica growled, “because of alphas like you who think they can control it, who think they deserve to.”
“I am trying to help you,” Chandler spat.
“No,” Veronica said, “you’re trying to control me. You found out I’m an omega, and now you’re trying to control me.”
“I am trying to help you,” Chandler repeated.
McNamara climbed around the bed, sitting on the other side of Veronica. She wrapped her arms around her. Veronica had to fight to not sink into the touch. Still, it didn’t help like it normally should’ve.
“Mac,” Chandler growled. “You’re not helping.”
“You’re not helping,” McNamara growled. “She got better when we cuddled when we first came over.”
“And then she got sick again,” Chandler said. “Do you really not trust Duke to do her homework?”
“I trust Veronica to tell us what she needs,” McNamara said, “and she says that she doesn’t need an alpha controlling her touch. So if she wants touch, I’m going to give it.”
“Technically, she just asked us to leave,” Chandler said, standing. “If you’re so about listening to her, then come on.”
“Mac,” Duke said, “I know you think you’re helping but you’re not.”
McNamara held Veronica closer. “If you two want to leave then leave, but I’m not going to be another shitty alpha in Veronica's life.”
“Veronica,” Duke said, “do you feel any better?”
Veronica hesitated. She didn’t. She didn’t want to give up the touch though. She so rarely had it. She’d never had someone freely give it like Mac did.
“We are trying to help Veronica,” Chandler said. “We’re not the enemy, Mac.”
Veronica’s head really hurt. Headaches were a daily struggle with touch deprivation, but this one was really bad. It pounded in the base of her skull. She leaned into McNamara, but it didn’t help.
“She’s still sick,” Duke said. “Touch isn’t helping, we have to build up to it first. You’re overwhelming her hindbrain and her instincts. You are making it worse.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” McNamara said. “What we know for sure is that Veronica has had an alpha use her need for touch to control her before, and you are trying to do the same.”
“I am not doing that,” Chandler growled. “I am not trying to control her. I am trying to help her.”
“You’re still controlling her touch,” McNamara said, “like her ex.”
Veronica whined despite herself as the pounding in her head worsened, causing her stomach to turn.
“You have to let her go Mac,” Duke said.
“Do you want me to go?” McNamara asked.
“No,” Veronica said. She craved this touch. She couldn’t get enough of it. She didn’t want McNamara to leave. Who knew when she would come back.
Silence fell. Veronica could taste the tension in the air. She hazarded a glance at Duke and Chandler. Duke was still sitting at the end of her bed, and Chandler was still standing, her arms were crossed. She looked pissed. Duke just looked worried.
McNamara’s phone began to ring.
McNamara cursed and pulled it out. “Shit. It’s my mom, she never calls. I’m sorry Veronica. I’ll be back.”
And then she left. And Veronica was without touch. McNamara went to the hallway to take the call. She was left with Duke and Chandler staring at her.
Chandler sat next to her. “Give me your hand.”
Veronica eyed her suspiciously.
“I want to help, please let me,” Chandler said.
Veronica reluctantly handed her hand over.
Chandler took her. She rubbed the back of Veronica’s hand with her thumb gently. The touch sent a pleasant current up to her hindbrain. The pounding subsided some.
“We can build up to more,” Chandler said softly, “as your body can handle it. Then we can cuddle all you want. I really don’t want to control the touch or control you. I’m - I don’t want to be your ex.”
Veronica didn’t say anything. Chandler sighed, but did not say anymore.
McNamara returned. She tried to climb back in the bed. Chandler growled.
“Veronica?” McNamara asked.
Veronica craved McNamara’s touch without limits. She did like being tucked up against the alphas side, but she couldn’t deny that she did feel better.
“I think… I think they’re right,” Veronica mumbled.
“Really?” McNamara asked.
Veronica nodded even though she hated it. McNamara eyed her, and then glanced at Chandler, before sitting at the foot of the bed.
-
Veronica lay on the couch with her head resting against Chandler’s thigh, and her legs tossed over the edge. They had slowly been working up on the amount of touch. They were currently watching a movie.
Duke was tucked up against Chandler’s other side. Veronica envied her.
McNamara was sulking on the other couch. Chandler had banned her from cuddling with Veronica at all, not trusting her to keep within the limits. In protest, McNamara wasn’t cuddling with Chandler or Duke either.
Chandler touched her shoulder. Veronica startled slightly.
“I have to get up, sorry,” she said.
Veronica sat up, allowing the alpha to get up. Duke took her place. Veronica laid back down.
“Still good?” Duke asked.
“Yeah,” Veronica said. “You know I can manage for a few minutes without touch.”
“I know,” Duke said. “You’ve been going to school after all. I just like cuddling. Chandler doesn’t need to steal all of your limited touch time.”
“Oh,” Veronica said.
Chandler returned and huffed as she sat next to Duke, but didn’t say anything.
“Kind of sucks to not be able to cuddle with your omega, huh?” McNamara said, bitterly, from the other couch.
Veronica bristled slightly. She didn’t enjoy the reminder of her presentation. Or the casual manner of ownership with which McNamara spoke.
“Need I remind you what happened last time we let you two cuddle?” Chandler asked.
“No,” McNamara muttered.
The problem was that Veronica longed for more touch, and the need and want was still there even if she knew she needed to take it slow. McNamara was all too willing to give it to her. Which Veronica loved. She loved the touch without limits, such a stark opposite to JD. Unfortunately, it had made her sick again.
Duke began running her hand through Veronica’s hair, scratching her scalp lightly.
“Duke,” Chandler cautioned.
Duke sighed and moved her hand back. Veronica immediately missed it.
“I was fine,” Veronica mumbled.
Chandler sighed. “I’m sorry Veronica, I really am trying to not be controlling, but you aren’t the best judge of how much touch you can handle.”
“I know,” Veronica mumbled. “I know you care, it just…”
“I’m sorry,” Chandler said. Her scent was apologetic and concerned.
“I know,” Veronica said.
-
Veronica growled slightly in irritation as she stared at her chemistry. It didn’t make sense.
Chandler squeezed her hand slightly.
Veronica relaxed slightly.
Chandler had finished her own homework already, but was still sitting with Veronica. She held her free hand, and sat close enough that they were shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh, giving Veronica the touch she needed.
Chandler was reading next to her without protest. Even though Veronica knew she would much rather be sitting somewhere more comfortable, or doing something else.
She focused back on her chemistry homework, hoping to get it done sooner so that Chandler could be free. They had been spending a lot of time together over the past couple of weeks. Duke and Mac both had after school obligations, so it had fallen on Chandler to help her meet her touch need.
For her credit, Chandler hadn’t complained once about being stuck with the omega. But, Veronica still couldn’t help the nagging fear that Chandler was going to want to cash in on the cost for all this touch time.
Chandler started rubbing the back of her hand with her thumb. Veronica glanced over at her, but she didn’t seem to be paying attention, focused on her book.
Veronica turned back to her chemistry, continuing to work through it. When she finally finished, she turned away from Chandler to put her stuff in her backpack.
Chandler made a soft noise.
Veronica turned back to look at her in confusion.
“Miss you,” Chandler mumbled, “wasn’t expecting you to move, sorry.”
“Really?” Veronica asked before she could stop herself.
“Yeah,” Chandler said, looking up from her book. “Why does that surprise you?”
Veronica shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose I assumed you couldn’t wait for me to finish. Can’t be your favorite thing sitting with me while I do homework because I need touch.”
“I like spending time with you,” Chandler said. “I like touching you.”
“Oh,” Veronica said softly. She hadn’t even considered that.
“Do not mistake my caution with not wanting to make you sick with not wanting to touch you and cuddle with you,” Chandler said. “If I could, I would be like McNamara and be all over you, but that wouldn’t help you. One of us has to have self control.”
“You… like this?” Veronica asked.
“Yeah,” Chandler said. “Did you think I didn’t?”
“I assumed it was like a chore,” Veronica said, and then mumbled. “And you’re waiting for your payment.”
“I’m not your ex,” Chandler said. “You’re not a chore, I don’t want anything in return. I just want to help you. I care about you.”
Veronica fiddled with her backpack zipper under the pretense of packing up. “I guess it’s still just hard to wrap my head around.”
“That’s okay,” Chandler said. “Being in a shitty relationship can fuck you up and that takes time. I’ll try to remember to remind you that I do like this. I like you.”
“Thank you,” Veronica mumbled.
-
Veronica was really starting to appreciate Chandler’s silent steady care. It was still hard to chase the doubts that she would want something, but they crept in less and less. It was hard to argue when Chandler never protested. She just always brought Veronica back to her house after school and sat with her while she did her homework, or while they watched a show.
She didn’t make Veronica ask. She didn’t make her beg. She didn’t complain or even hint. She initiated it all.
Veronica still craved McNamara’s unabashed willingness to give her touch and cuddle with her fully, but she was beginning to crave Chandler’s as well. She spent most of the day looking forward to the simple touching and just existing next to each other.
As they moved farther, acclimating Veronica’s hindbrain to more touch, Veronica began to fear that it would stop when they no longer needed to go so slow or be so careful.
When McNamara was allowed to cuddle her, and when Veronica didn’t need so little for so long, would Chandler still want to spend time together? Would Chandler still be willing to keep up these small acts of touch?
“You’re stewing,” Chandler mumbled. “Take a break if it’s stressing you that much.”
“Sorry,” Veronica said.
“For overworking yourself?” Chandler asked pointedly.
Veronica took the hint. Although her English homework wasn’t the source of her stress. She closed the book and set her work to the side. She hesitated slightly, before laying her head on Chandler’s shoulder.
“Glad you’re taking a break,” Chandler said.
“Why are you doing this for me?” Veronica asked
“Because I care about you,” Chandler answered without hesitation. “I want you to be healthy.”
“Are you going to stop when I stop needing it?” Veronica asked softly.
“Only if you want to,” Chandler said, “but I like this time with you.”
“Oh,” Veronica said softly.
“I’m sure I’ll have to compete with Mac and Duke, but I still want to do this and have this time with you,” Chandler said. “That won’t change.”
“Okay,” Veronica said, “thank you.”
“Of course,” Chandler said, squeezing Veronica’s hand slightly.
-
“Scoot over Chandler,” Duke said. “You’ve had a monopoly on Veronica’s cuddles for too long.”
Chandler rolled her eyes, but moved to the side. Duke sat in her place and leaned against Veronica. Veronica wrapped an arm around her.
“Am I still banned from cuddles?” McNamara asked. “Veronica seems to be able to handle a lot of touch now.”
Chandler hesitated. “Duke is smaller than you, and how they’re sitting right now, isn’t actually that much touch.”
“I can behave myself,” McNamara protested. “Besides, you’re here to supervise.”
“I’m cuddling with Veronica right now,” Duke protested.
McNamara sighed. “Fine.”
“We could cuddle,” Chandler offered.
“No,” McNamara said.
“Please?” Chandler asked.
“No,” McNamara said. “What show are we watching?”
Chandler groaned and tossed the remote over. “You pick.”
“Thank you,” McNamara said.
-
“I’m giving you a ride home today,” Duke said, coming up beside Veronica in the hall.
Veronica turned to her in confusion. “Chandler always gives me a ride.”
“She had some emergency come up, asked me to take you,” Duke said.
“Oh, okay,” Veronica mumbled. “Is she alright?”
“I think so,” Duke said.
She didn’t seem overly concerned. Her scent was fairly neutral, perhaps a bit excited. Chandler was probably fine then, but then why was Chandler ditching her. She’d been at school all day.
God she was entitled. She’d grown so reliant and accustomed to Chandler just giving and giving. Maybe Chandler just wanted a break. Maybe there was an emergency. It didn’t matter. Veronica needed to get herself under control. She’d become spoiled and complacent.
“Thanks for giving me a ride,” Veronica said.
“Yeah, no problem,” Duke said.
-
Veronica didn’t realize how reliant she had become on Chandler until she was sitting at her own desk, struggling to do homework without Chandler’s presence.
JD’s voice rang in her head. Maybe there had been some truth to his words. If you gave omegas touch all the time they would become reliant and needy. If alphas valued their freedom and independence they had to teach omegas to control themselves.
Veronica needed to get herself back under control. The Heathers hadn’t had an omega before. It was a novelty now, an excuse for cuddling. But if they realized she couldn’t even handle a day or two without it…
She did her homework. It felt harder than normal. She finished though. She grabbed her laptop and laid down on her bed. She pulled up a show, but struggled to focus. She craved touch. She wasn’t sick yet, but the need was so fucking strong.
When had it become so loud?
When had she stopped learning how to ignore it?
Three episodes had passed and she hadn’t processed a single thing, spending most of it trying to not think about her need for touch. No, just a want for touch. It wasn’t a need yet. She needed to get herself under control.
She was restless at dinner. Her parents picked up on it. She lied about school stress.
“Why didn’t you study with your packmate today?” Her dad asked. “Especially if you’ve got big exams coming up.”
Veronica flinched. “She had something come up.”
“Everything alright with your pack?” Her mom asked.
“Yeah,” Veronica said.
“That’s good,” her mom said. “You seem happier with them than your last boyfriend. You seem more relaxed.”
Veronica murmured something noncommittal. Was she relaxed? Or just reliant and weak?.
-
Chandler was back at school the next day. She didn’t say anything about the emergency. Duke didn’t even ask about it. Veronica wondered if it was real. Maybe, Chandler had just wanted a break. She’d pushed her too far, taken too much.
After school, she made a choice. She started walking home, instead of going to Chandler’s car. She needed to take control back. She needed to learn control again.
“Veronica!”
Veronica turned to see Chandler.
Chandler held up her keys. “I’m parked over here.”
“I, um, I gotta go home,” Veronica said.
Chandler stared at her in confusion as she kept walking towards Veronica. “Let me give you a ride at least?”
“No, it’s fine, the walk is nice,” Veronica said, “lets me procrastinate my homework.”
“Is this about yesterday?” Chandler asked. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a heads up.”
“No, it’s not,” Veronica said. “You had an emergency. I just need to go home today.”
“You need to go home, but not so bad you’re willing to walk?” Chandler asked.
“Yeah,” Veronica said.
“Are you going to be okay?” Chandler asked. “If I’d known, I would’ve sat closer to you at lunch or something.”
“I’m fine,” Veronica said. “I can handle a day or two.”
“You can handle a lot, I know that,” Chandler said, “you handled years of abuse. But I don’t - you don’t need to do that anymore. You have a pack. We want to help you.”
“I’m fine, really,” Veronica lied. She could feel the need pulsing under her skin, an ache beginning to build at the back of her skull.
“I don’t want you to get sick again,” Chandler said, “what if we have to start over?”
Veronica froze. She hadn’t considered that. If she did get sick again, they would notice. If they did have to start over, Chandler would be stuck with her all over.
“Mac would kill us both,” Chandler continued.
Veronica hesitated, and then asked. “Was there an emergency?”
“Yes,” Chandler said. “God, yes. I wouldn’t abandon you without warning and lie about it.”
“Okay,” Veronica said.
“My mom’s car broke down, and I had to go pick her up,” Chandler said. “Everything was fine, and it wasn’t that big of a deal, it just meant we couldn’t hang out.”
Veronica sighed.
“Do you really need to go home?” Chandler asked.
Veronica shrugged. “I hate being this reliant. Yesterday was a wake up call. I don’t need to go home, in that it’s not like my parents want me home, but I do need to go home to know that I can.”
“You’re not even fully recovered yet,” Chandler said, “can’t we table any attempts to test the limits of omega biology until after you've recovered?”
“I know the limits,” Veronica said. “I’ve been there. I’m fine.”
“I would prefer you stay on the solidly healthy side of the line instead of testing how much touch deprivation you can handle,” Chandler said, and then sighed. “I know you hate feeling reliant, but you are not a chore. You are not a burden. I like sitting with you. I care about you.”
Veronica had heard this before. She still wasn’t sure she believed it.
“Why do you think Mac wants to cuddle with you so bad?” Chandler asked.
Veronica shrugged. “She’s a touchy person.”
“Yes, but also alphas have instincts too. We want to take care of our pack members. That includes omegas, that includes meeting their needs. We don’t get sick if we don’t meet our touch need, but it does feel like absolute shit to know that our omega isn’t having that need met.”
Veronica stared skeptically at Chandler.
“I don’t know how your ex treated you like he did,” Chandler said. “I felt fucking awful yesterday when I had to ditch you. I feel awful now knowing you want to go home. I nearly showed up at your house last night, but I figured that wouldn’t go over well.”
Veronica still didn’t say anything.
“I told you I wouldn’t try to control you,” Chandler said, “you can go home, ride or not. I won’t try to stop you. Just know, I’d rather you come home with me and hang out.”
Veronica sighed. “Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll go home with you. Today… that I need to convince myself I don’t need to.”
“Okay,” Chandler said. “Do you want a ride?”
“No thanks,” Veronica said.
“Get home safe,” Chandler said, and then turned and left.
Veronica almost wanted to follow and say she’d changed her mind. She wanted to go with her alpha and cuddle and watch a show.
She turned away. She needed to get herself under control.
-
“Please, I’m sorry,” Veronica said, dropping to her knees.
“I warned you not to push yourself too far,” Chandler said. “Now you’re sick. You wanted to see how you did without an alpha, now’s your chance.”
“I’m sorry,” Veronica said, “I did something stupid. You don’t understand what it’s like though. Please. I’m not going to do it again. You said you wanted to help me. You said you have instincts.”
“If you really want my help, prove it,” Chandler said, uncrossing her legs, and scooting back from her desk.
Veronica stared at her in confusion.
“Oh come on,” Chandler said. “You’re smart. You know what omegas do on their knees for alphas. Get under my desk.”
It would be some touch. Veronica crawled under the desk and settled on her knees. Chandler scooted her chair back in. Veronica reached for her skirt.
“No hands,” Chandler said, “don’t steal any unnecessary touches.”
Veronica felt herself falling into old patterns. JD had played this game before. Sometimes the only touch she would get was from his legs bracketing her shoulders and his dick in her mouth. If she was lucky he would put a hand in her hair.
“Good girl,” JD said. “It’s so much easier to focus like this.”
Veronica couldn’t reply.
He widened his stance a little, moving his legs away from her shoulders. She put more effort into it, working harder. The touch returned. Anytime she dared slow, it would leave.
Eventually she was just exhausted, her jaw ached, her tongue was sore. Her knees burned. She gave up, just resting with his dick in her mouth.
“Well if you’re not going to work, why should you get anything,” he said, and pushed back from his desk.
At least her knees would get a break. And she’d gotten enough touch to hold off the worse.
“Stay and maybe I’ll change my mind,” JD said.
So much for her knees getting a break.
-
Veronica flinched as Chandler touched her shoulder.
Chandler immediately pulled back. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, sorry,” Veronica said.
“You’re not fine,” Chandler said. “Your scent spiked with fear.”
“I’m fine,” Veronica insisted.
Chandler sighed. “We’ll talk after school.”
Veronica huffed, but didn’t argue, just closed her locker.
-
“Talk to me Veronica,” Chandler said, as she sat down next to Veronica.
“About what?” Veronica asked, as she began pulling out her homework.
Chandler was sitting a few inches from her. The gap felt much farther. She really needed some touch. Chandler normally was touching her by now. She normally held her hand in the car. She hadn’t touched her at all today. Duke and Mac had offered a few stray touches, but they didn’t dare do too much at school.
“You flinched when I touched you earlier,” Chandler said. “Why?”
Veronica sighed. “You’re not going to touch me until I tell you, right?”
“Shit, no, sorry,” Chandler said, “I was trying to give you space if you needed it. If you’re okay with it, I’ll touch you again.”
“Please,” Veronica said, unable to keep the desperation out of her tone.
Chandler pressed her leg against Veronica, and then reached for her hand before leaning against her. Veronica leaned into her, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Thank you,” she mumbled.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Chandler said, “why you flinched. As long as I can still touch you.”
“It’s surprising it hasn’t come up yet,” Veronica admitted softly. “I have some… bad memories with touch, because of JD.”
“JD?”
“My ex.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Chandler said. “Was it something specific I did? Something I could avoid?”
“No,” Veronica said. “I just… I had a nightmare last night. It… it brought up memories.”
“Do you… want to talk about it?” Chandler offered.
“He would… he wanted me to earn touch,” Veronica said. “So sometimes… sometimes the only touch he would give me was… was his knees bracketing my shoulders.”
Chandler squeezed her hand. Veronica appreciated that she didn’t move from their norm. She was desperately reliant on it. She wasn’t sure she could’ve handled a change.
“I’m sorry,” Chandler murmured.
Veronica hesitated for a second before asking a question that had been scratching at her mind. “Were you lying to me?” she asked softly. “Yesterday, about alphas instincts?”
“No,” Chandler said. “I try to not make a habit of lying to people I care about.”
“How could he do that to me then?” Veronica asked softly. “How could he… he said that I was - that all omegas…” Veronica trailed off finding her throat growing tight.
“I don’t know,” Chandler said.
“He said he was helping me,” Veronica said shakily, “helping me learn control, so that… so that-“ tears were dripping down her face now and a sob threatened to rip from her throat.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Chandler said softly. “If it’s too much. You don’t need to.”
Veronica gave up, leaning more into Chandler. Chandler rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb.
“He wasn’t helping you,” Chandler said softly. “He was hurting you, and using excuses.”
“But what if there was some truth?” Veronica asked, voice scratchy and strained as she fought back more tears.
“Like what?” Chandler asked. “Needing control? Would you tell someone hungry to just control their need to eat? Or someone thirsty to get better control?”
“No,” Veronica mumbled.
“No,” Chandler agreed. “You would give them food and water.”
“That’s different,” Veronica said. “That doesn’t require another person.”
“It’s the same kind of need though,” Chandler said. “You can’t out-will that sort of biological need. You’ll just end up sick.”
“But it’s a sickness that can be managed,” Veronica said.
“For how long?” Chandler asked. “And how uncomfortable are you?”
Veronica didn’t answer.
“Duke thought she could beat a biological need too,” Chandler said. “She nearly killed herself.”
“Her food problems,” Veronica mumbled.
“Yeah,” Chandler said. “She also thought she had it under control. She didn’t have control though. You can’t control something like that.”
“I have before though,” Veronica said.
“How did that end?” Chandler asked. Her tone was still gentle, not accusatory.
Veronica sighed. “Duke can feed herself. What if one day you decide you don’t want to help me?”
“Then Duke and Mac will,” Chandler said.
“And if they don’t?” Veronica challenged.
“You will get sick unless you find someone else,” Chandler said. “But if you try to control this, you will still end up sick. Because that’s the consequence, whether you deprive yourself of touch or someone else does.”
Veronica sighed. “I know you’re being logical. I just don’t like it.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” Chandler said.
Veronica glanced at the table, and at her homework. “Shit, I’m sorry I’ve -“
“Do not apologize,” Chandler said. “I don’t care about homework. I care about you. You will always come first.”
“School system doesn’t agree,” Veronica mumbled, picking up her pencil.
“Fuck the school system,” Chandler said.
-
“I missed this,” McNamara mumbled as she pulled Veronica against her chest on the couch.
“We’ve only cuddled about two times and I was really sick,” Veronica mumbled. “I’m not sure what you were missing.”
“About two is more than one, so it happens, so something to miss,” McNamara said.
“Is this that alpha instinct thing?” Veronica asked.
“You’ll have to be more specific,” McNamara said.
“About wanting to meet omega’s touch needs,” Veronica said, and then mumbled, “Chandler told me about it.”
“Oh, no,” McNamara said. “That is actually also met by seeing pack members meet the omega’s need so I can’t blame this on instincts. I’m just clingy.”
“I’m not complaining,” Veronica mumbled. McNamara was warm and her touch felt nice.
“Does this mean your boycott of cuddling us is finally over?” Duke asked from the other couch.
“Yes,” McNamara said.
“Do you not like cuddling with me or something?” Chandler asked, but she was clearly joking. Her scent held no anger.
“Yes I clearly hate it,” Duke drawled sarcastically from her spot lying on Chandler’s chest.
“Bummer,” Chandler said, wrapping her arms around her.
-
Veronica was nearly falling asleep, curled up around Duke. They’d been out at a party. When they’d finally made it home, her and Duke had made for the bed. Chandler and McNamara had disappeared elsewhere.
Duke groaned. “I have to go pee.”
Veronica loosened her hold. “Be quick.”
Duke grumbled, but nothing coherent came out as she got up.
Veronica sighed. Everything still felt fuzzy from the alcohol. Maybe she should’ve drank more water before just going to sleep.
She heard footsteps return. Alpha scent accompanied them, it was tinged with alcohol.
“I have some water for you here if you come cuddle,” McNamara said, and Veronica felt the bed shift.
She froze. It felt like a trap. It was safer to feign sleep. To hope she hadn’t given it up already.
Someone laid a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t move, didn’t react.
“Veronica,” Chandler said softly. “You can just have the water. No strings.”
Veronica still didn’t move.
“What did I say?” McNamara asked. Confusion and concern was clear in her scent.
“Veronica,” Chandler said. Her scent was also filled with concern.
His scent rarely was.
She relaxed slightly.
“I do think future you will thank you if you drink water,” Chandler said.
“Okay,” Veronica mumbled, sitting up.
McNamara handed her a glass of water.
“Thanks,” she mumbled.
Duke returned, and crawled back into bed next to Veronica. She lay against her legs. It was very little touch compared to the full on cuddling they had been doing. For some reason it felt like so much more.
Anxiety rolled in her stomach, not aided by the alcohol. She wasn’t with JD. She knew that. McNamara wasn’t like that. She knew that.
Did she?
“Veronica, I’m sorry,” McNamara said. “I don’t know what I said, but I’m sorry.”
“It sounded like a trap,” Veronica mumbled.
“A trap?” McNamara asked.
“You phrased it like a deal,” Chandler said, glancing at Veronica. Veronica gave a slight nod.
“Oh,” McNamara said. “I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in the future.”
“I could be less of a freak,” Veronica mumbled.
“Don’t say that,” Chandler said. “We like you as you are. We want to help you heal. We know that’s going to have bumps in the road.”
Veronica sighed.
“The secret is,” Duke said. “we’re all freaks.”
Veronica snorted. “You’re the fucking Heathers.”
“We’ve tricked people into thinking we’re normal,” Chandler said, “but no normal person gets to the top of the food chain.”
“If you flip two of those words you’re fucking the heathers,” Duke said.
McNamara sighed. “Thank you for that contribution, Duke.”
“You’re welcome,” Duke said.
“Can I touch you?” McNamara asked.
“Yeah,” Veronica said.
McNamara slid in behind her and to the side. She wrapped her arms around Veronica, and rested her chin on her shoulder.
McNamara was always warm. It was cozy. Veronica leaned back into her, enjoying the touch. It also helped pull her brain out of memories. JD would’ve never given her this much.
“I like your scent,” McNamara murmured softly. “I’m glad you stopped hiding it.”
Veronica didn’t have a response. She finished the rest of the water. Chandler set the glass to the side for her.
“I need to move, Mac,” Veronica said softly.
McNamara groaned, but scooted back. Veronica laid down, returning to cuddling with Duke. Duke’s scent shifted to pleased as Veronica wrapped her arms around her. McNamara lay behind her, wrapping an arm around her as well.
Sandwiched between two packmates, Veronica was covered in touch. She loved it.
-
Veronica woke up to a pounding headache. She groaned slightly. Her mouth was dry, and she could still faintly taste alcohol.
She was trapped between Duke and Mac. Her headache only built. She began the process of extricating herself and made her way to the bathroom. She found some pain meds and swallowed them with water from the sink. She knew they didn’t work instantly but still.
“Are you okay?”
Veronica looked up in surprise at McNamara. “I mean I have a hangover from hell, but yeah, I’m okay.”
“Just hung over?” McNamara asked.
“Yeah,” Veronica said.
McNamara breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay, good, I’m glad, um… I was worried - I was worried maybe it was too much touch.”
“No,” Veronica said. “It was great. I’m better now. I’m not sick. You don’t have to be worried about that.”
“Okay,” McNamara said, and then reached for Veronica’s hand. “Come and cuddle again.”
“Okay,” Veronica said, letting McNamara drag her back to the bed.
Veronica noticed Chandler was sleeping near the edge with her back to where the rest of them had been sleeping.
McNamara noticed her gaze. “She’s not always a fan of cuddling.”
“Oh,” Veronica said, and let McNamara pull her back onto the bed.
She couldn’t help but remember all the time she’d spent cuddling with Chandler. Chandler slowly helping build her tolerance to touch. How much of that had she hated? If she didn’t even choose to cuddle with Mac and Duke?
“Sleep the hangover off,” McNamara mumbled .
Her scent, right. Veronica was just lucky McNamara hadn’t figured out the truth. She did her best to fall back asleep despite the anxiety stewing.
-
“You can go sit on the couch and read,” Duke said, “it’ll probably be comfier.”
“I’m okay,” Chandler said.
“Okay,” Duke said, sounding confused. “Weird choice to want to stay and listen to us struggle with physics. I would escape if I could.”
“I’m used to sitting with Veronica while she does homework,” Chandler said.
“The touch thing, right,” Duke said. “I thought Veronica was all better.”
“I am,” Veronica said.
Chandler’s scent dimmed, which meant she was trying to control it, which meant she was trying to hide something.
Veronica looked at her, tilting her head slightly. “If you want to go be comfy, I’ll be fine.”
“I’m okay,” Chandler said, and turned back to her book.
Veronica didn’t understand. She thought Chandler didn’t like cuddling. Why would she choose this? She supposed they weren’t actually touching.
Veronica turned back to her homework, and to Duke, starting on the next problem. They got back into a rhythm, chugging through the practice problems.
At some point, Chandler scooted closer, pressing their legs together. Veronica glanced at her, but quickly focused back on physics. Finally, they finished.
Duke groaned and laid her head down on the table. “Maybe I won’t fail now.”
Veronica snorted. “You were holding my hand, you’ll do great.”
“Maybe,” Duke said.
“Just think about the after, Mac has promised a movie night at her house,” Veronica said.
“Good point,” Duke said. “I’ve been sorely deprived of her cuddles.”
Veronica winced slightly, guilt rising. Chandler slipped her hand into Veronica’s, although a quick glance confirmed she was still focused on her book.
“Do you have any other homework?” Duke asked.
“None that I want to do,” Veronica said. “It can all wait.”
She began packing up her stuff as best as she could without disturbing Chandler.
“You know,” Duke began, looking at Chandler. “If I didn’t know better. I’d say you’re the one with a need for touch.”
Chandler looked up at Duke, but only to roll her eyes.
“What are you reading?” Duke asked.
Chandler flashed the cover.
“Oh, smut,” Duke said.
Chandler huffed. “There’s plot.” Then she looked up. “Hey, how would you know if there’s smut in it?”
“Uh, I plead the fifth,” Duke mumbled.
Chandler snorted.
“Let’s go watch a show or something before I have to kick you two out,” Duke said.
“Okay,” Veronica said.
“And I’m stealing Veronica for cuddling,” Duke said, as they all stood.
Chandler sighed. “If you must.”
-
Veronica surveyed the situation as she entered McNamara’s room. Duke was lying practically on top of McNamara, while Chandler was sitting off to the side. Veronica nearly went to sit next to her, before remembering that Chandler didn’t like cuddling.
Veronica sat on the other side of McNamara. “What are we watching?”
“Topic of hot debate,” McNamara said, “Duke and Chandler can’t agree.”
“What are the options?” Veronica asked.
“Dragons or superheroes,” Chandler said, she sounded annoyed, and she had once again clamped down on her scent.
Veronica wished she knew what was upsetting her, but if Chandler was hiding her scent she clearly didn’t want them to know.
“Dragons,” Veronica said.
“Thank you,” Chandler said, while Duke made a disgruntled noise.
“Dragons are just objectively better than superheroes,” Veronica said.
“Fighting words,” Duke grumbled.
Her scent was displeased and annoyed. McNamara’s was amused, so Veronica figured she hadn’t said anything too bad.
“We can watch yours next,” McNamara said, “you’ll get your eye candy.”
Duke’s scent remained annoyed, but gained an aspect of pleased. “Okay.”
McNamara pulled up the first movie, and then wrapped an arm around Veronica’s shoulders. Veronica settled against her.
-
“I’m going to go get some snacks,” Chandler said, as the first movie ended. “Come help me Veronica.”
Veronica nodded, and got up, following Chandler to the kitchen. Chandler wasn’t controlling her scent anymore, but Veronica couldn’t get a good read on it.
“Are you okay?” Veronica asked softly. “You’ve been hiding your scent.”
Chandler sighed, as she began digging around the cabinets. “With all your concern about if I would want to keep touching you when you were better, I never considered that you would stop wanting to touch me.”
“I still want to touch you,” Veronica said, confused.
“You chose to sit on the opposite side of Mac from me,” Chandler said. Her scent was clear now, hurt.
“The other night, Mac mentioned you don’t like cuddling,” Veronica said. “You were sitting away from them, so I assumed you weren’t interested.”
Chandler tilted her head in confusion. Her scent was a mixing pot of confusion, hurt, and anger.
“I’m sorry,” Veronica said, but wasn’t sure what else to add.
Chandler took a deep breath. “It’s fine. I don’t know why Mac would tell you that. I do like cuddling.”
“Then why weren’t you cuddling with everyone after the party?” Veronica asked.
“I got hot,” Chandler said with a shrug.
“Why would Mac think you don’t like cuddling?”
“I don’t know,” Chandler said sharply, scent flaring with anger.
Veronica didn’t say anything more, as Chandler tossed some popcorn in the microwave. Veronica knew it wasn’t directed at her, but the anger scent still set her nerves on edge.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Chandler said, and her scent began fading, although it still lingered in the air.
“It’s okay,” Veronica said. “I should probably get better at dealing with it. You weren’t even angry at me.”
“Trauma isn’t something you can just get over,” Chandler said.
Veronica shrugged.
Chandler reached out towards Veronica. Veronica hated the way she still watched her hand with caution even though Chandler had never hurt her.
Chandler took her hand. The touch warmed Veronica. She was far from starved of it now, but still even the slightest was enough to light her senses up. Chandler rubbed her hand gently with her thumb.
“I like touching you,” Chandler said softly, “remember that. I like you, I like this, I like more.”
She’d released control of her scent slightly and now it was just filled with affection. That also warmed Veronica. JD’s scent had always existed in the spectrum of anger and hurt. He had never been pleased with her or shown affection.
“The popcorn,” Veronica said, distantly aware that the popping was slowing.
Chandler sighed and turned back to the microwave. Her hand was slow to leave Veronica’s, lingering as long as possible.
Chandler took the popcorn out and dumped it in a bowl, before heading back to McNamara’s room. Veronica sat down next to Chandler who wrapped an arm around her.
“Thank you for getting snacks,” McNamara said.
“You’re welcome,” Chandler said. She sounded normal. Veronica wouldn’t have known she was mad at all.
Duke started the movie. Veronica quickly understood McNamara’s eye candy comment, although she personally couldn’t see the appeal.
“You really find these men attractive?” Chandler asked.
“Yes,” Duke said, and Veronica could hear the eye roll.
“I don’t get it either,” McNamara said.
“That would be because you’re both lesbians,” Duke said.
“Yeah but we’re normally fairly good at identifying attractive men,” McNamara said.
Duke huffed. “Back me up here Veronica, aren’t you attracted to men?”
Veronica shrugged. “These ones? Not so much. They’re just so… plain.”
Duke sighed. “You people have no taste.”
Veronica winced slightly. That was true. JD had certainly been… a choice.
“What does that say about you?” McNamara asked, teasingly.
Duke didn’t say anything.
“That’s what I thought,” McNamara murmured.
“Now that character,” Chandler said, gesturing to the tv. “Hot.”
“Very,” McNamara agreed.
“Yeah,” Duke said, “I can agree with that.”
Veronica wasn’t sure she understood it. She supposed the character was attractive. Luckily no one asked her opinion. They settled in to watch the rest of the movie in relative silence.
-
“What do you want to do?” Veronica asked as she kicked off her shoes.
McNamara shrugged. “I have a few things in mind. It’s rare it’s just us.”
“Yeah, it’s stupid that Duke and Chandler are out of town the same weekend,” Veronica said. “I’m surprised you didn’t have to go on the basketball trip too.”
“There’s separate squads for all the teams,” McNamara said. “I’m part of the wrestling team one.”
“Interesting,” Veronica said.
McNamara began heading up to her room. Veronica followed.
“What did you want to do?” Veronica asked.
“If you’re okay with it,” McNamara began, “testing some touch stuff.”
“Touch stuff?” Veronica asked in confusion.
“Kissing,” McNamara said, “maybe more, if you’re comfortable, only if you’re comfortable.”
Veronica stared at her in shock.
“We can forget it too,” McNamara said. “There’s a show I want to make you watch, both Duke and Chandler don’t like it, but I love it.”
“Why do you want to kiss me?” Veronica asked.
McNamara turned to look at her, pausing at her door. “Because I like you?”
Veronica eyed her. She couldn’t stop suspicion rising. Was this the price finally coming for the freely given touch? Was that the cheese in the trap?
“Why else would I want to kiss you?” McNamara asked.
“Sex,” Veronica said.
“Well I mean, that is something I would also like eventually,” McNamara said, “but that’s a big jump from just a kiss. I know you had a shitty ex, I’m not trying to rush anything, and you can say no. You can always say no. I never want to make you uncomfortable.”
Veronica immediately felt guilt creep up. Mac wasn’t JD. She knew that.
“I’m sorry,” Veronica mumbled. “I…”
“It’s fine, really,” McNamara said. “Like I said, we can forget it.”
“I’m just - I’m just too used to - too used to everything having a cost,” Veronica said. She hesitated, but eventually continued. “Sex was something he benefited from, so that’s how he gave me most of my touch.”
“That’s really shitty,” McNamara said. “I’m sorry. Let’s just cuddle. If that’s still okay?”
“Yeah,” Veronica nodded. “Yeah that’s okay.”
McNamara smiled and opened her door. “Perfect.”
-
Veronica reached over McNamara for the remote, and pressed pause.
McNamara tilted her head. “Do you not like the show?”
“No, it’s good,” Veronica said, “that’s why I waited until the end of the episode.”
“Then why did you pause?” McNamara asked.
“I was thinking about what you asked earlier,” Veronica said.
“What did I ask earlier?” McNamara asked. Her scent was filled with confusion.
“About touch,” Veronica said, “and kissing.”
“Oh,” McNamara said, and her scent shifted to pleased, and slightly tinged with surprise.
McNamara gently cupped her jaw. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” Veronica said.
McNamara leaned in and kissed her. It was soft and gentle. Warmth blossomed through her.
McNamara pulled back. “Was that okay?”
“More than,” Veronica said, she began to lean back into, but hesitated. “Can I?”
“Yes,” McNamara said.
Veronica leaned in to kiss her. It was nothing like kissing JD. She reached her hand up and buried it in McNamara’s hair. She pulled back briefly before kissing her again.
She didn’t dare go farther so she pulled back again reluctantly.
“For the record,” McNamara murmured softly, “you can kiss me whenever you would like, or touch me.”
“Okay,” Veronica said.
She leaned back in to kiss McNamara again. It was addictive. McNamara swiped her tongue against her lips, seeking entrance. Veronica opened her mouth, and deepened the kiss.
She pulled back with a gasp when she needed air.
“Still okay?” McNamara asked.
“Yeah,” Veronica said, but she hesitated. “Maybe we just um…”
“We don’t need to go further,” McNamara said, “that’s okay.”
“Okay,” Veronica said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I like this but-“
“It’s okay,” McNamara said. “You don’t need to explain.”
“Okay,” Veronica said, she leaned in and gave McNamara a quick kiss, before settling back against her side. “I do want to see the rest of this show.”
“Okay,” McNamara said, wrapping her arm around Veronica and grabbing the remote.