Chapter 1: The bomb
Notes:
Okay, so I have quite a hyper fixation on the song “pushing it down and praying” by Lizzie McAlpine (hence the title). And I thought it really fitted the story.
After I watched the last episode of stranger things, I set myself the goal to write my own version of the end because I was so disappointed and angry. It didn’t feel like the show I had watched since I was thirteen. So yeah this is my coping mechanism.
I gave my best to write this story like it’s really set in the 1980s. If you have any (helpful) tips and corrections, please let me know :)
I alway was only a reader on ao3 (and of course wattpad), so I dont have any clue how this whole writing stuff works, so bear with me.If anyone even reads this, hi! And if you hate it, well then this is awkward…
But please tell me if you do hate it because I am writing this story for myself to get over the last season and I will take it down if it’s bad :)
Well, without further ado: my “better” version of season 5 ;)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The front door slams shut with such a force the whole house vibrates.
Will looks up at Holly questioningly but she just shrugs and goes on with the puzzle like nothing happened.
Since the Byers moved in with the Wheelers, as their house in Hawkins was sold and they couldn’t afford something different right now, Holly and him had taken to do puzzles together most evenings.
Will had always wanted a younger sibling. And he had also always been close to Mikes sisters. So it wasn’t surprising that he and Holly now spent their evenings doing puzzles together. So sitting at the coffee table with Holly, bent over puzzle pieces, felt strangely normal.
Especially since Will and Holly were a lot alone together at the Wheelers’ home. Neither of them was allowed to go out after 5. Holly also didn’t have many friends.
And Wills friends, well, they weren’t exactly available.
Dustin & Lucas were always at the hospital now.
And Mike never really was around anymore.
For Will it was all too painful. On the one hand to see Max’ unconscious and lifeless body in that hospital bed and Lucas’ exhausted and hopeless gaze, on the other hand Mike and El and yeah well, Will could certainly live without seeing that too often.
Another door slams shut. Upstairs this time. Even Holly looks confused now.
Usually this house is quiet.
It’s one of the rules Karen and especially Ted established to enforce an atmosphere everyone was able to live in.
And that meant keeping noise to a minimum.
The noise has irritated more residents of the house.
Nancy and Mrs Wheeler come out of the kitchen into the living room.
“Who for Christ’s sake can’t close a door properly?”, Nancy asks angrily but there is also a slight worry in her expression.
Luckily Mr Wheeler is not home, otherwise the perpetrator would have been confronted by now.
“Mike is probably in one of his moods again”, Holly rolls her eyes.
Will frowns. Mike hadn’t been himself off lately. Everyone could feel it.
“Pubescent children… always the same. I will go talk to him”, Mrs Wheelers sighs as she disappears upstairs.
Later, when the house finally settles and the lights go out, Will slips past the kitchen on his way to the basement, where he and Jonathan sleep.
But just as he reaches the basement door, he hears whispering voices.
“We have to be gentle with him in this time. It’s not easy for him. Especially as a young man. They always bottle their emotions until they explode”, Mrs Wheeler says with a hush voice.
Mr Wheeler huffs and doesn’t even try to lower his voice: “Karen, he’s not a bomb. He is a man. At least he should be. He will get over it. Just because a girl left him, doesn’t mean he has to be such a queer about it”. The words sting and Will sinks even deeper into the shadow.
“Oh, don’t be so old-fashioned, Ted! It’s totally normal to be emotional about a break-up. Remember when we broke up for like a week in senior year and you sent me love letters every day where you declared your love to me? I wouldn’t say that was very un-emotional.”
Will realizes he needs to get away before he overhears something that may traumatize him for life, so he sneaks past the kitchen to the basement door.
The last thing he hears Ted Wheeler say to his wife is “whatever, I’m going to bed…”
Well, that man really knows how to flirt with his wife.
Notes:
Okay, so I hope this wasn’t that terrible.
Don’t ask me why my intro was nearly as long as the chapter itself. Like I said, I have no idea what I’m doing here hahaha
The next chapters will be longer than this (hopefully)
If there are any grammatical mistakes or something, I am very sorry and I will try to correct them the best I can. English is not my first language and this is the first story I am writing in english outside my essays for school. So yeah, my heads kinda hurting from thinking so much about grammar…
Chapter 2: No witnesses
Chapter Text
The moon illuminated the dusty basement in an eerie way. It could have been quite beautiful if it didn’t remind him so much of the upside down.The dust in the air. The moon as the only light source. The silence. God, how he hated the silence.
And there was no way he could close his eyes now, let alone sleep.
Jonathan soft snores also did their part of keeping him awake.
But it wasn’t just that.
His thoughts were spinning and didn’t want to calm down. The conversation of Karen and Ted was a constant in the stream of thoughts. What did they mean? Had they talked about Mike? It must have been. But Eleven would never dump Mike. Especially not so out of the blue.
Or was it not so out of the blue? Mike had been kind of off lately.
But maybe that was just Will’s perception. Maybe he had imagined it or wished for it so much, he started seeing things that weren’t there.
Mike’s eyes that snapped down as soon as they made eye contact across the kitchen table.
Mike’s hurrying away any time they happened to meet in the house on accident.
Mike’s reaction after the first week of school two weeks ago.
It was a Monday at the end of April. The military had the city under control and after 3 weeks of waiting the schools had been finally reopened.
And it was that day that Will sat next to Lisa in homeroom. They struck up a conversation. And surprisingly they did have a lot in common. Lisa read the same comics and she listened to the same music. But the best part was that she also liked to paint.
She was also the one that told him about the arts club of the school that was supposed to start the following week.
After that homeroom they often saw each other in the hallway or in the cafeteria. He liked talking to her and it was nice to have a friend outside of the chaos that happened the years before.
He tried to introduce her to his others friends but anytime he brought her up, Mike shut him down. He seemed not to care. Lucas and Dustin were different of course. They introduced themselves but that was that. They didn’t have anything in common with Lisa and they had other things on mind than a new friend.
When his mother picked him up from school at the end of the first week, he had waited with Lisa. Mike nowhere in sight, even though they usually got picked up together.
Joyce was over the moon seeing her son talking to a girl and made it promptly that day’s dinner talk.
“Maybe you can bring her over some time. She seemed like such a lovely girl!”, she had exclaimed.
Will still felt his sweaty palms and his inability to say anything. He didn’t want to destroy her excitement just yet. So he didn’t say anything to save himself.
It was Mike that spoke up, surprisingly. But he didn’t seem like Will’s rescuer. “Lisa doesn’t even seem that interesting”, he had huffed as he stood up and went to his room.
After his sudden exit, it was silent at the dinner table. The only noise that filled the room was the knife of Mr. Wheeler that scraped across his plate.
“He probably is just sad that he can’t talk to Eleven in school every day like that…”, Mrs Wheeler had excused her son.
But that wasn’t it. Will could feel it. Lisa was interesting. She shared the same interests as Will and so, also as Mike. And he had told them once he was glad Eleven didn’t go to their school as it would have been too confusing. Whatever that meant.
And there had been something in his gaze. The way he said it. Not really angry. But more sad. Or hurt.
The following week Will had gone to the arts club with Lisa. And had loved it. He still went there every week.
Well, now he would never be able to sleep.
The moonlight illuminated his way to the kitchen where he got himself a glass of water. He breathed in deep and closed his eyes. His thoughts wandered to Lisa again. They were still good friends but they had never met up outside of school.
He had not that many classes with her but that was okay. They talked plenty during the arts club and when they occasionally met in the hallway.
Most classes of his were shared with the one and only Mike Wheeler. Will hated it. And he hated it even more how much he liked it.
They had gotten closer again during those classes. Especially since Will convinced his mother it was safe to take his bike to school if he drove with Mike together.
Finally it seemed like they were overcoming their distance that had built up since their move to Lenora. Or maybe even before that.
And he would not muck it up again because of these stupid feelings .
And when his eyes sometimes wandered to Mikes lips when he excitedly talked about his newest comic, it was because he was just happy to see his friend smiling again. And not because of anything else.
“Can’t sleep?”
Will nearly chokes on his water. He turns around and sees said friend lean against the kitchen door with a soft smile.
“You can’t just sneak up like that on someone! Especially in the middle of the night!”, Will tries to exclaim semi angry but he can’t fight the smile back that is pulling on the corners of his mouth.
Mike grins, “Sorry, I thought you had heard me come down the stairs. Couldn’t have known you were so deep in your thoughts” He takes a glass out of the cupboard and goes to the sink to fill it.
Will watches him in a trance. Is this real life or just a really dumb dream?
After his first sip, Mike looks up to say something but he hesitates.
“Is there someone on your mind?”, he asks after a long pause.
Wills heart skips. Oh god he knows. “What? No! No, why would there be?”
“Oh, don’t play so innocent. I know there’s something between you and Lisa! I see the way she looks at you”
“Oh shut up! You know that’s not true. She is just a friend!”, Will laughs. Suddenly he feels a bit giddy. So he doesn’t know.
“Have you told her that?”, Mike asks with his typical grin.
Alright, yes, Will has obviously also seen the look Lisa sometimes gave him but that didn’t mean anything. Well at least to him. He wished it did.
“I knew it!” Mike exclaims. Will realizes he took way too long to answer and just sighs. He leans himself against the kitchen counter and crosses his arms.
“Can we just… not?”, Will gives up defending himself.
Mike nods at him smiling, “Alright Byers, but only this time.”
Will smiles at him gratefully and ignores how his stupid heart stupidly skips a beat when hearing stupid Mike call him by his stupid last name.
In the dimly lit kitchen with only the moon as their witness, they hold eye contact. Mike is the first to look away. This time with a sad smile. He stands in front of the window and is illuminated like an angel. A very tall, dark haired one with high cheekbones. But still an angel. And a beautiful one too.
Oh god, what the hell am I thinking?!
“Hey”, Will begins. He did not know what he wanted to say. He just wanted to be there for Mike. His hands are sweaty all of the sudden but he resists the urge to dry them on his Pyjama pants. “I … eh …. Heard ehm…”
“That El dumped me?”, Mike snaps, still turned to the window.
“Yeah…”, Will trails off. He feels like a train just crashed into him at full speed. So it was true.
He tries to keep his composure and as calm as he can keep his voice he says: “I’m really sorry. I didn’t know things weren’t working between you two anymore. I should have been there for you.”
At that Mike turns around and looks him straight in the eyes. Will sees the hurt that is portrayed there. But also something different. Something way deeper than just hurt. And he is obviously trying to hide it.
Will always knew Mike was emotional deeper than he let people on. And maybe he was the only one who saw it.
Mike had told him how El had fought about it with him. His lack of emotion . And how Nancy always seemed to think Mike was just as emotionless as their father.
But Will didn’t think that. He saw the way Mikes eyes lit up anytime his younger sister ask about d&d. And how he went to Nancy anytime he had a question in school or even in life. He looked up to her. Even if he didn’t want to admit it and rather hide it behind a mask of annoyance.
In their friend group he was the impulsive one. The one that started to raise his voice easily. But it wasn’t because he thought he was better than them. Or because he was an aggressive person.
He just cared . Maybe more than other people. And he didn’t know how to handle it. It sometimes seemed like he thought it was his job to make sure everyone was safe.
“It’s alright. I haven’t been exactly open to talk those last weeks. Pretty much turned into a mouth breather there”, Mike tries to smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
Will would like to hug him, just like when they were children, as friends. But he knows he can’t do that. Not anymore. So much has changed between them. For him at least.
“Don’t be stupid. That’s not true. Everyone needs to let it out every once in a while.”
This time Mike truly smiles but it doesn’t last for long. With a sigh he says “Yeah, well, el apparently does not think so…”
Will takes all the courage he can gather and just straightforward asks: “What happened between you.”
He doesn’t expect Mike to tell him anything. He’ll probably just brush it off and say it’s nothing.
But he doesn’t.
Instead Mike takes a deep breath, turns to the window and whispers, “She said she needed a break. From me. From the relationship. I don’t know. She said she needed to find herself without a stupid boyfriend.”
Wills heart breaks for his friend. The way he looks so defeated . And even though he should be happy that their relationship is over, he isn’t.
“I think that sounds like there’s still hope. I believe you and el will be together again before you know it! You’re like the couple. You can’t just break up!”
“Thanks, Will. That’s nice of you to say but I don’t think so. This time it sounded definite . Yeah, I don’t know but I don’t think we will get back together…”
Will does not know what to say to that. But he doesn’t have to because Mike isn’t finished.
With a small voice he asks: “Can I tell you something? But you cant tell it anyone else. Especially not El”
“Of course not. What is it?”
Mike takes a sharp shuddering breath in. “It’s not that I never loved El. But I am not being this weird all the time because I am sad that she broke up with me. But because I feel like I can finally breath again. And I didn’t even realize I couldn’t breathe properly. Oh god, this sounds horrible! I don’t even deserve her. I was the worst boyfriend you could ever imagine!”
Will takes a step closer to him and says softly, “I truly and with my whole heart don’t think so, Mike. You aren’t perfect but you are not a bad person. Or a bad boyfriend at that. From what I’ve gathered anyway.” He should really shut up.
“But I am, Will! Who in their right mind wouldn’t at least be sad that their perfect girlfriend with freaking superpowers broke up with them. But I’m not . Something is wrong with me, isn’t it, Will?”
Alright, this could only be a really weird dream because in no universe would Mike Wheeler ever say that. Right?
Or had something really changed?
No, no, no, he couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t be hopeful like that. This was never gonna happen and he knew it. Mike Wheeler was the perfectly straight son, every parent wished for.
“Mike, with all due respect, but why should something be wrong with you when the only you have done is losing your romantic feelings for someone. That’s totally normal and just happens. You can’t control that. And you shouldn’t beat yourself up about that. You feel what you feel. And there’s no controlling it.” Wow, that was really wise. No wonder he was Will the Wise. Maybe he should give like therapy lessons. Or maybe he should begin by giving this speech to himself sometime.
Now, Mike turns around again and looks at him for a long time. It actually feels like an eternity. In hell. Or in front of a perfect chocolate cake you are not allowed to eat or even touch.
After said eternity, Mike takes a really deep breath again. Perhaps this guy should get himself tested for asthma. “I’m going to bed. Thank you, Will. For… ehm… i don’t know… listening to me whine.”
“You weren’t whining, Mike. And you don’t need to thank me for that. That’s what friends are there for.”
“Yeah, right”, Mike leaves the kitchen and Will barely registers the word that Mike whispers into the night. Nobody there to hear it except him and the moon. It is said with such disappointment, Will almost feels like running after him. But he doesn’t because they are only that…
“Friends”
Notes:
First interaction of byler :o
I hope I captured their characters correctly and that the chapter didn’t drag on too much.
Chapter 3: The other girl
Chapter Text
Friends
Why did that sound so wrong when that was all they would ever be.
As Mike made his way up the stairs he tried to calm his heartbeat down.
He knew. Of course he knew.
That it wasn’t normal to feel like that when you had talked to your friend. Your best friend.
But he couldn’t do anything about it. Anything
He had tried. So hard. But it hadn’t been enough.
When he first met El, he thought he was cured. That he had finally met a girl. The girl .
And he had loved her. Really. But as time grew by, they also grew apart.
And when he had visited El in Lenora he knew they were over.
He still loved El. And he probably always would. As a friend.
He also knew that El loved him the same way.
She had told him.
We grew apart. And I think you know it. I love you Mike. I always will. But it’s not the same as it used to be. You don’t look at me like you used to.
It hadn’t come as a shock for him. He had known. But he hadn’t thought she had felt the same. And that he was so easy to read.
I think there’s someone else. No, I know it. I know that when you look at me you wish I was someone else. At first I was really hurt. But not anymore. And you don’t need to explain yourself or tell me who she is. I am grateful for the time we got to spend together and everything what I learned from and because of you. But it’s time to let go. This could give us the chance to finally find ourselves. Without each other. I never lived without you. Not really. And you were a boy when we met. We both deserve to get to know ourselves. Alone.
He had been too dumbfounded to react at first.
There was someone else? For him?
They had talked some more and had decided to stay friends.
It wouldn’t be easy. They both were aware of that. But it would be okay.
As he drove home, it hit him.
Nearly 4 years in the relationship and it simply ended on a 5-minute walk?
It had felt absurd.
But also… refreshing?
And that was the part that had made Mike freak out. He hated himself for feeling like that. And he was so confused why he felt so hopeful.
When he got home, he basically stormed through the door and ran up to his room.
His mom had come looking. But he hadn’t been able to tell her what was going on. Well, at least not everything. Of course he told her that El had broken up with him. But he didn’t say a word about how he, instead of being sad because of it, he felt like he had opened a new door in his brain. A new part of himself he didn’t know. And he was so scared to face that.
Now, not even a day later, he realized that El was right. There was someone else. But not a girl.
Oh god, he had been so stupid.
When he saw Will in the kitchen, deep in thought, illuminated only by the moonlight, his first thought had been how ridiculously beautiful he looked.
His brown hair and this stupidly cute bowl cut. His Pyjama pants that were a bit too short. His stern nose. His hazel eyes. His soft, delicate lips.
This was insane. Why was he being so weird? This new “door” in his fucking brain needed to be closed again. ASAP.
He should get some sleep. Tomorrow everything would be different
Tomorrow nothing had changed.
He had fucking dreamed of that guy. It wasn’t anything special. They had been in the kitchen again. But this time, instead of telling Mike what a great couple he and El were, Will had said that he was happy they had broken up. Really happy. He had taken a step towards Mike. Mike had never felt this gravitated to anyone in his whole life. Dream or not. But before anything could happen, he had woken up.
And well, he had taken a cold shower first thing.
Now he sat at the breakfast table. Desperately trying not to stare at Will at the other side of the table. And he failed. Multiple times. At one point Will had even looked at him questioningly. And he had quickly looked away. Like a fool.
But what else was he supposed to do?! Will certainly didn’t think like that about him. He would know if he did. And Will was normal. Except maybe for his time in the upside down… but Mike didn’t count that.
And he was staring again. God, why was this so hard? He needed to get out of here. Away from Will and these thoughts.
Sadly, the universe wasn’t on his side. Because he still needed to get to school. By bike. With Will. Alone.
That was really not helping his situation.
But maybe he could stall some time before he was alone with the intruder of his thoughts. If he was quick enough, he could use the time while he waited for Will to clear his mind. The fresh air would be perfect right now.
He did manage to fulfill his plan. But it didn’t help anything with calming down his thoughts. Especially when Will came into the garage with freshly showered hair. His hair was still damp. And curled along his forehead. It looked cute.
Great. Now not only his mind was doing weird things. His heart had also taken up a new hobby. Racing.
“Do I have something in my face?”
Mikes heart stops. He was staring. Again.
“What?” Mike plays dumb.
The look Will gives him is weird. Maybe concerned.
“Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Mikes heart stops snapped. That came out a bit too aggressive. But maybe Will would keep his distance then. And let Mike alone. With his thoughts. That were very much not leaving Will alone. So before Will could say anything, he swung himself on his bike and made his way down the driveway.
Notes:
Finally Mikes perspective :)
He is very dear to me, so I tried to show him how I see him. Caring but also complicated. His self esteem is at an all time low. And he is not as stupid as most people think. He’s just supressing
Chapter 4: The confusion
Notes:
I don’t know why but I thought of “Every breath you take” while writing this.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
As if his day hadn’t been bad enough already, with Mike acting so weird after their talk last night, Andy Harper finds Will at his locker.
“Oh, didn’t anyone tell you?”, he sneers, slamming Will’s locker door shut. “Today isn’t ‘Bring You Freak Show to School’-day”
Wow, he definitely had better insults than that before. Will was kind of disappointed. Perhaps Andy’s steadily increasing lack of brain cells has finally reached the part of his brain responsible for bullying. But he didn’t dare to say anything like that out loud. He actually didn’t feel like dying today.
“Leave me alone, Andy”, he mutters, already knowing it won’t work.
“’Leave me alone, Andy’”, he mocks him. “Or what? You gonna cry to your boyfriend?”
Will starts to make his way down to his next class. But Andy isn’t having any of that. He grabs him by the shoulder and slams him against the nearest locker.
The sound echoes in the hallway but everyone seems to not see or hear anything. For some reason Andy also always knew when all his friends weren’t near to help him.
“Maybe you should all do us a favor and get rid of you and your queerness.” With that he lets go of Will and strolls away.
Wow. Was that just his first death threat? This really was his lucky day!
When Will finally reaches his classroom, he spots Lisa and drops into the seat next to her.
“Are you okay?”, she whispers. You look kind of… shaken”
“Oh yeah, totally”, he says dryly. “Just had a date with my best friend Andy Harper.”
Lisa’s expression darkens. “God, I hate him. Why can’t he just leave you alone?”
“Maybe he likes being near me”, Will winks at Lisa jokingly.
Lisa laughs. Will wishes once again that he liked her. Like everyone expected him to. Like he was supposed to.
He’d really tried. Tried to think of her as more than just a friend. Tried not to notice how she brushed against his arm or bumped into him like it was accidental. Tried to feel something else.
After class, they walk to Will’s bike together. Suddenly Lisa stops and looks at him seriously. His heart sinks.
Oh no.
“Will,” she says carefully. “I know that we’ve only known each other for like… two weeks. But ehm… would you like to like… I don’t know… go out with me? Or something?”
Oh god. This couldn’t be happening. He was gonna lose her. Or lie. To her and to himself.
No. He’d tell her the truth. At least part of it.
“Oh Lisa, I’m so sorry. I-”
“No, no, it’s okay. It was stupid anyway”, she interrupts him quickly.
He can’t stand seeing her so hurt. “I really would have liked”, he says softly. “But there’s someone else.”
Her eyes widen. “You have a crush on someone else? What!? How did I not notice!?”
“Guess I’m better at hiding things than I thought.” Hopefully
“Listen Lisa, I like you very much. As a friend. And I really hope we can stay friends. If you still want that?” Will looks at her hopeful.
“Yes, of course. You can’t get rid of me that fast. And when I’ve gotten over this very embarrassing moment, you have to tell me who she is!”, she smiles a teary smile.
“Uh-“
“You coming, Will?”
Suddenly Mike is right beside him. Will nearly jumps out of his skin.
“Yeah! Yeah, sorry,” Will says too fast. “I will be there in a second.”
Mike glances between him and Lisa, smiling kind of tight. “Alright. Just don’t take too long. I gotta go somewhere after I drop you off.”
He walks off toward his bike.
Will turns back to Lisa and sees her staring at him with a knowing look.
“What?”, he asks flustered.
She nods once. “Alright, Will Byers. Get your bike and go to your man!”
WHAT?
Totally normal and not at all shocked he asks: “What are you talking about?”
“Mh? Oh nothing. It’s nothing. I have to go now”, she grins. “See you tomorrow!”
And then she’s gone.
On the ride home, Will’s nerves get worse second by second.
She had seen it. Lisa had seen the way he looked at Mike. And figured it out. After like a week or two of knowing him. And then she left. Quickly. Nearly ran away. She was disgusted by him. And she would tell the whole school.
Oh god, what would his mother say? He would break her heart. And Mr. Wheeler would never want a queer in his home. Especially not near his son. Will would be kicked out. He’d be forced to leave the city. The state. The country. He would live on a street in some town in Mexico! Or worse. Canada!
“Are you alright?” Mike asks as they reach the Wheeler’s driveway. “You look kinda… sweaty.”
Could he please leave him alone for one second? It was hard enough without him being there.
“I’m fine”, he snaps, shoving his bike toward the garage.
Mike doesn’t follow him. Instead he stays outside with his bike in hand.
“Eh, okay. I’m heading out. Probably won’t be home until late”, he scratches his head.
“Okay? How is that my problem? I’m not your mom!” Jesus. He should get a hold of himself.
“I just thought that maybe you could tell my mom that actually”, He says hesitant. But it sounds more like a question.
“Yeah alright, whatever”, Will huffs.
“Did I do something wrong?” This guy really couldn’t take a hint. Unbelievable.
“No.”, Will says sharply. “Everything’s fine. Except you’ve been acting weird all day. And now you’re suddenly not. You’re confusing me!” Okay, well, at least he told him the truth.
Mike mumbles something and for some reason this enrages Will again.
“What was that?” Will snaps.
“Well you’re confusing me too!” Mike blurts out.
The confession seems to stunt Will as much as Mike himself. Before Will can say anything, Mike mumbles “Whatever”, gets on his bike and drives away.
What the hell was that supposed to mean?
Notes:
I love Lisa. She has a special place in my heart.
I found myself very funny with Will inner monologues but maybe it’s too corny hahaha
Chapter Text
His heartbeat wasn’t calming down. No matter how far he drove.
He didn’t even have a destination. Just knew that he needed to get out of the house for a while. Away from Will.
An hour had gone by when he suddenly found himself in front of the library.
This was the place where he could find some answers to the questions he was too afraid to ask.
The librarian Marissa isn’t at her desk when he comes in, so Mike quickly sneaks past.
He doesn’t know exactly what he is looking for but when he finds the section “Social Sciences” in the far back of the building, he knows he’s right.
There are books about social behavior and structures. About cultural practices and human societies. About poverty, crime and inequality.
In the subcategory “Culture & Institutions” he finds books regarding societal norms, family structures or even the cultural influence of religion.
And then finally:
“Sexual relations”
Carefully he scans the room around him to see if anyone’s watching him.
There are various books addressing marriage and intimacy.
But also dating behavior.
And sexual ethics. Discussions of right or wrong and societal norms.
And then there are books about sexual orientation.
He takes a step closer.
The first book he takes is “Sexual Preference: Its Development in Men and Women” by Alan P. Bell and Martin S. Weinberg.
“The development of attraction is framed in terms of psychological causation and life history factors”, he reads.
The same idea is presented by Clarence Arthur Tripp in his book “The Homosexual Matrix”.
He adds that It is “influenced by early experience”.
But what early experience? He hadn’t even known one could feel like that till he had felt it. There had never been anything that had made him the way he was feeling now.
Deep down he knew that this was who he was. It was part of him. He couldn’t choose it. It couldn’t be influenced by any other force than himself.
“The Christian View of Sex” tells him that “homosexual acts are sinful before God” and that “they contradict natural moral law”.
Similar words he finds in “Sexual Deviations”. The author Richard von Krafft Ebing even depicts it as “marked by moral weakness and degeneracy”.
Mike could throw up. It felt so unfair.
How could all these people tell him that he something was wrong with him. That he was a sinner.
What was he supposed to do? He had tried to change his feelings. And he had really loved El. But he couldn’t ignore the way he felt for Will.
He searches and searches. Reads passages calling him a demon. Something that needed to be fixed. Even something that couldn’t be fixed. Only God could help him.
But if God didn’t want him like that and needed him to be fixed. Why had he made him like this? Did God hate him? Did he really punish him for something he did in his past? Or maybe in his past life?
But why did he feel so good then when Will’s hand brushed his arm by accident. When they made eye contact across the table. When they shared secret smiles about something only they could understand. It didn’t feel like a sin. It felt like electricity. It felt good. And he was sick of pretending it doesn’t.
But he can’t find a book that tells him that. That it’s okay to feel like that.
And so he gives up. Deeming himself evil. As wrong.
As he turns to walk towards the exit, something catches his eye. It’s stuffed between the shelf and the wall.
It is white book with bold black letters. The x in the middle of the cover is formed by a green and an orange stripe. It feels like it is destined to be his. Mike pulls it out of its hiding spot.
“The bisexual option” by Fritz Klein it read.
And when he opened it, there were ideas he had never heard of before.
“Orientation is more than sexual behavior.”
“Sexuality cannot be reduced to either/or.”
And then.
“Attraction to both sexes.”
Both.
Not one or the other.
Both.
A water drop has formed on the page he is reading. He looks up but sees no leak in the ceiling.
He touches his face and realizes he is crying.
Crying like a girl.
Oh God. This wasn’t good. Why was he crying?!
A small brave voice in the back of his mind seems to tell: Because you feel seen.
Ignoring the voice, Mike stuffs the book in his school bag and quickly leaves the library.
________________________
Will finds himself in the basement after coming home.
He had wanted to do a puzzle with Holly but she was out with a friend. So he came down here to read. But he couldn’t concentrate.
His brain seemed to scream various versions of ”She knows.” and What is wrong with you!?” into him. And sometimes it wasn’t his voice that said those things. It was Mike’s.
When he can’t stand it any longer, he grabs his bike and rides to the hospital.
He wants to visit Max. Maybe talk to her a bit. And hopefully his brain isn’t acting up anymore after that.
But as soon as he steps into the room, he realizes his mistake. The room is glaring white. Monitors are beeping. And everything is so sterile. Will hates it.
But even more he hates the way Max looks. Like she is just closing her eyes for a minute. Like she isn’t in a coma.
And she’s so pale. Her arms and legs are still in casts.
Will sits himself on the stool next to her bed and takes her hand.
“Hey Max”, he smiles sadly. “Sorry I don’t visit you that often. But I heard Lucas and Dustin are here like every day. That must be nice.”
He swallows and takes in a deep breath. Immediately his lungs are filled with hospital air.
“I really miss you. Everyone does. Especially Lucas. He isn’t the same without you. Always so worried and in thoughts. It’s like Vecna took his smile when he took you…”
He rubs his thumb over her lifeless hand. “El is trying so hard to find you. She searches for you nearly everyday through her powers. In your mind. But she hasn’t had any success so far…”
When he leaves her room, he gets himself a coke for the way home. But then he spots Robin. Surprised but also happy to see someone he knows, Will follows her down the hallway. She is practically running but Will doesn’t call out to her to not destroy the clinical calmness of the hospital.
Robin ducks into a patient’s room and Will realizes that maybe Robin was here to visit a sick relative. And that she probably wanted to be alone there. He decides to wait outside of the room for her.
Just as he starts to open his coke can, he hears laughter from the room. It doesn’t sound like the kind you laugh in a hospital. It’s more like giggling.
He comes closer to the door and looks through the door gap.
Robin isn’t standing at a patient’s bed. Or even near any patient. She is pressed against a wall. By Vickie. A girl. And they are really really close. Like so close they could
kiss.
Suddenly Vickie has her whole body pressed against Robin, her hand in her hair, her mouth on her mouth.
Will stumbles back and loses his grip in his can. It falls to the ground and opens forcefully with a hiss.
Robin’s startled by the noise and looks towards the door. And makes eye contact with Will.
“Shit!”, they both say simultaneously.
Quickly Will turns and runs down the hall to the exit. He hears Robin follow him but doesn’t turn around.
He has to dodge multiple nurses and patients on his way out.
As he rounds a corner he even nearly takes down a man on crutches.
Finally he reaches the exit. The fresh spring air welcomes him as he runs across the parking lot.
But just as he reaches his bike, he feels a hand on his shoulder.
“Will. Stop running away from me!” Robins face is red of embarrassment or anger, he can’t tell.
“Please”, she adds, which makes him relax.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to intrude. I saw you in the hall and wanted to wait outside the room for you and…”, he trails off.
“…and then I was kissing a girl and you freaked out”, she completes his sentence helpfully.
“Right…”, he doesn’t know what to say to that.
She seems to calm herself down and then asks: “You wanna walk me home?”
Not wanting to come across rude, he accepts. And he was also very interested in what she would tell him.
He takes his bike and strolls after her.
“So… you just saw something that I am very keen on keeping hidden from most of the world. But I also am convinced you wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“No never!” He clarifies quickly. Without thinking he adds: “Would be very hypocritical of me if I did.”
He smiles sadly and then turns into panic mode as he realizes what he had just admitted to.
Robin laughs softly. “No need to panic, Will. It’s alright. I’d already kind of figured that we had more in common than one would think.”
This does not calm Will down. “Oh God! Is it that obvious!?”
“No, relax”, she smiles. “I have like a sense for it, you know?”
“Like the “spidey sense’?”, at that thought Will genuinely has to laugh.
“I have no idea what you’re taking about, Will”
“What? The ‘Spidey Sense’? From the comic books of Spider-Man? The first one came out like four years ago!” Shocked couldn’t describe the emotion Will was experiencing right now. But it definitely made him giddy.
“Okay, yeah. I’ve heard of Spider-Man before. Like briefly.”
“‘Like briefly’”, he repeats, shaking his head. “Robin Buckley, former worker at “Family Video”, doesn’t know the Spider-Man!”
“But it’s not even a movie. It’s a comic!” She laughs. “Why should I know that then?”
“Because it’s gonna be a movie someday. I’m telling you! One of the greatest of all time, I’m betting on that!”
“If you say so, Byers”, she rolls her eyes with a smile. “Alright, if this spider man has a ‘spidey sense’, then I have a “gay sense” With that she goes to the gate of a pretty beige house.
Will stops, unsure what to do. One, because he doesn’t know if he should follow her. And two, he is too dumbfounded that she just said that word out loud without like… hesitation? Disgust?
Robin turns around, holding the gate open. “You coming, Will?”
Notes:
I did some research for both Mike and Will’s parts.
I found it really interesting to see that while some authors still had some very backwards ideas of queer people, there were also many people who researched the different sexualities with respect and acknowledgment.
And I realized while writing down the authors names that for some reason most of them had a german background. Whether they were born in Germany or they were from a German-speaking country like Austria. Found it really funny. Who knew that the Germans were so obsessed with sexuality.And I also kind of like the idea of a bisexual Mike. Because I shipped Mileven for most of the time I’ve been a fan and only became a supporter of Byler around the publication of season 4 or so. So they are still in my heart and I truly believe that Mike had loved her. Just that his feelings have gone away over the years. And nobody can tell me that those looks he have Will especially in season 4 and 5 were purely platonic.
So yeah Mike is bisexual in my world.Will’s part is mostly copied by the original series (most of your probably already realized that) but I really liked the metaphor with the coke can as like a symbol that his feelings cant be bottled up anymore. And I also really liked the connection Will and Robin had in season 5 so I had to keep that.
I will probably also kind copy the scene of Will and Robin talking in the hospital in episode 3 (season 5), when Robin explains how she knew Vickie was into her. Let me know if you’d like that or if I should write a completely new scene (then please give me ideas what they should say in that scene🙏)I will try to have most of the story done by the end of the week. But I don’t know if I will really be able to do this because I kind of overestimated how hard it would be to write a story in my second language hahaha
Chapter 6: The truth
Notes:
I was away the whole day, so I had to write the chapter in the middle of the night.
And then I wasn’t happy with the second part of the chapter, so I had to rewrite it.
And now it’s like 2 am, I need to get up early and I still don’t know if I am satisfied but bon appétit
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Robin’s house was nice.
It wasn’t anything like Will had imagined. He had expected dark colors and probably a smaller house. Maybe a bungalow. For just her.
But he hadn’t expected the light mansion with three stories and super nice parents that cooked together in the beautiful kitchen.
“Hey mother, hey father, Will and I are gonna go in the garden if you’re looking for me.” To call their parents mother and father was wild, Will thought.
Her dad turns around and says with a grin that was like an exact copy of Robins: “Oh hi kid, nice to finally put a face to the name we have heard so much about!”
So much?? What could Robin possibly have to say about him?
Robin’s mother smiles. “Only nice things. Don’t worry kid”, she says softly.
As they step into the garden which could also be a park, Robin says with a private smile he hadn’t seen on her before: “They know. I mean about me and Vickie. They are really supportive. Even let Vickie stay with us the first weeks after coming out because her parents are like the most christian family you could ever imagine.”
“That… that must be really nice”, Will says quietly. “I mean… ehm… your parents being so supportive. Not the part about Vickie’s parents.”
“Yeah, it really is. It sucked that Vickie hadn’t had the support and love from the start but her parents have come around so. Everything’s fine now.”
They sit on a bench in the middle of a rose garden. Who the hell had a bench in their garden? Let alone a whole rose garden?
They sit in silence for a few minutes and watch two squirrel chase each other up and down the trees.
“So… ehm”, Will starts unsure, “how did you know that Vickie wanted to…?”
“Make out?” Robin asks and Will nods.
“Oh well, we volunteered together. You know, there were, like, signals.”
“Signals?”, Will asks confused. What kind of signals was he supposed to have been looking for.
“Yeah, you know, like a brush of the knee, a bump of the elbow, a shared look”, she looks down shyly and Will thinks that he has never seen theRobin shy. “It all just kind of occurred, like a snowball rolling down a hill, until it was obvious.”
Will’s breath hitched. “How obvious?”
“Let’s say the, uh, snowball became an avalanche.”
An avalanche.
Will’s thoughts were racing. Had there been signals?
Sometimes he caught Mike looking at him in moments when everybody’s attention was directed elsewhere.
The rare moments in Mike’s room when they read in silence together. And somehow Mike’s arm still sometimes found a way to brush against Will’s.
He had thought it was some kind of torture. But maybe it had been signals all along.
Oh God, he needed to stop thinking like that. There was no way Mike felt the same way. Just because it had worked out for Robin and Vickie, didn’t mean it would for Will.
“Hey”, Robin pulls him softly out of his thoughts. “I know, it’s none of my business. But is there someone like that? For you?”
Will was silent for a moment. How much could he tell Robin?
“Yeah”, he decided for half the truth as she had just shared a really big part of her as well. “It’s been years and I haven’t gotten over them. No matter how hard I try.”
He checks his watch and stands up. “I should head back home. My mom’s probably already freaking out.” As they make their way back through the house, past the kitchen and her laughing parents, to the front door, she says at last: “Well, Will Byers, I hope it works out for you and whoever this secret person might be.”
Will gives her a small, thankful smile. “Thank you, Robin. It was really nice finally being able to talk to someone about this that went through the same stuff.”
Robin’s eyes get big at her realization. “Oh, you have already told some, haven’t you?” She asks excitedly.
“Maybe”, Will says shyly. “Jonathan had pretty much figured it out by himself, so it was more like confirming his suspicions. And not really like a ‘coming out’.”
“Well, good for you. I’m kind of jealous that I didn’t have the guts to do it at your age.”
Something warm fills his heart. Like proudness. Of himself.
It felt nice to be acknowledged like that by someone outside of his close family.
“Thank you, Robin. For like, everything.”
She leans on the doorframe. “Anytime, Byers.”
He finds himself in Mike’s room the next evening.
It feels kind of weird to be here after the conversation with Robin. But also really good.
They were sitting on Mike’s bed, reading their comics. Or more like Mike was reading and Will was staring at the pages and thinking about everything that happened these past days.
His kind of coming out to Robin.
Mike and the very confusing conversations they have had especially the last few days.
And Lisa that had recovered from getting rejected by Will in a matter of mere hours and now was his number one supporter in the topic “Mike Wheeler”.
When he had come to school this morning, she had already waited at his locker.
The moment he reached her, she had asked, whispering: “How long has it been going on?”
This was such a confusing question this early in the day that the only response Will could bring out was “huh?”
“Don’t play dumb. You and Wheeler.
That awakened him more than a thousand coffees. “What? No, Lisa, you’ve got it all wrong! There’s nothing between Mike and me!”
“You don’t need to lie to me”, she had laid a hand on his shoulder and nodded understanding. “You can trust me.”
“Yeah, and I am trusting you with the information that there is nothing between me and Mike!”
Something in his words or his gaze must have shown his honesty because she stopped pestering him. Instead she now annoyingly wiggled with her eyebrows anytime Will and Mike so much as talked to each other.
But it was nice. To have someone that knew without having gone through the agony of coming out and wishing they wouldn’t think you belonged in hell.
So yeah, now in Mike’s room his mind was spinning with so many thoughts, there was no way of concentrating on the conversation before him.
“Do you think Lisa doesn’t like me?” Well, it seemed like he wasn’t the only one not being able to concentrate after all.
“What makes you think that?” Will turns to Mike, raising an eyebrow in question.
“I don’t know. I tried to talk to her today. Thought that if she was your friend she couldn’t be that bad. But every time I approached her, she just said that I should talk to you about it.”
Will could strangle Lisa.
“No, sorry. She’s a bit weird when it comes to new people, I think.“
“Mh okay.” Mike seemed lost in his thoughts again.
Will sat up. He should probably go now. They had been here since coming home from school with only one break for dinner.
“Hey, you know how you got me like this new issue of Spider-Man for my birthday?” Suddenly Mike had abandoned his comic on his nightstand.
Of course he knew. It had been a few weeks prior.
The 8th of April 1986.
Mike’s 15th birthday.
Will had searched all of Hawkins to get his hands on that issue.
“Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Exactly, why wouldn’t you?” Now Mike sits up. His face is serious. “But do you remember what I got for your birthday this year?”
“What why?” What kind of weird questions are that?!
But now that he thought about it it all felt like kind of a blur in his mind. It had been a really traumatizing time then. With Vecna and all. That must be why.
“Because you can’t remember!” Mike exclaims as if he had read Will’s thoughts.
What the hell was he on about. Of course he could remember if he tried to get past all the memories of what happened after it.
“Mike, are you on drugs?” Will asks laughing.
But Mike doesn’t laugh. “Will, I’m serious. I thought about it. And I couldn’t remember until I tried like really really hard.”
This is so bizarre. What should that even mean?
“Mike, I think this is a sign”, Will pauses dramatically, “to go to bed.”
He stands up and hears Mike falling back on his bed with a frustrated groan.
“Good night, weirdo”, Will smiles at him.
Just as he closes the door, he hears the softest “goodnight will” he has ever heard. His knees nearly buckle and he feels dizzy so has to grip the railing on his way down.
Notes:
It’s getting interesting🤓
Also the song of the chapter is “Tongue Tied” by GROUPLOVE