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Burn beneath your touch
Jealousy - that jumble of secret worship and ostensible aversion. – Emil Cioran
“Jiyan, thank you. I swear, you’re an angel in disguise.”
“No need to thank me, Vicegeneral Song. It’s my duty. Both as your colleague and a doctor.”
Jiyan’s eyes didn’t flicker up, not even for a moment as his hands rushed along the swollen arm – quick and precise as always.
Remove the wound dressing. Check the wound for abnormalities.
He furrowed his brows. Abnormalities? The suturing looked as though a toddler had found a needle and decided to scribble on the poor man’s arm like a sharpie on a wall.
“Any allergies?” He shot his colleague a quick glance. Before the other could finish shaking his head, Jiyan was already soaking a cotton swab with saline solution.
Moisten and clean the wound with saline solution, then disinfect with povidone-iodine. Clean with saline again. Apply ointment.
… Ointment.
Well shit.
With a curse under his breath, Jiyan rummaged through the box beside him on the couch. As he’d already expected deep down, he found nothing of any use.
Still, he couldn’t be too harsh on the poor first-aid kit. This was just some random backroom at the Ministry of Defense headquarters – they most certainly hadn’t anticipated a man in dire need of help on the very day all the generals of Jinzhou’s military divisions were gathered for their most critical crisis meeting.
And even worse, this was not just a scratch but an arm that would have probably looked better if someone had taken a chainsaw to it.
Stifling his frustration, Jiyan reached for the gourd at his belt and checked it as well. Thankfully, there was still some salve left. With a content smile he went back to his patient. He knew he could always count on his gourd – especially since he had gained a very frequent patient with a tendency for throwing himself into any battle in sight…
…He gritted his teeth when a familiar grin flashed before his eyes.
No. He was not wasting any thought on him right now.
General Geshu Lin had no justification to live rent-free in his head.
And yet he did and had done so for way longer than Jiyan would like to admit.
Cover the wound with a gauze pad. Check if it extends at least five centimeters beyond the wound. Secure the gauze pad with adhesive tape and apply bandages if necessary.
“I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time.”
Jiyan suppressed the sigh that crept up his throat at the man’s apologies and just looked up at him, wearing his best smile.
“Don’t apologize. I am a medic. There’s no way I would have been able to sit still through the entire meeting when your wound dressing looks like this.”, Jiyan shot a glare at the bundle of soggy gauze on the empty packaging next to him. “So you’re doing me a favor.”
A favor to look away as he drifts farther and farther away from me.
Jiyan opened his fists when he felt his nails pierce his palm. Regaining his composure in a mere second – like a professional doctor should – he shifted his attention back to his colleague who still looked utterly miserable.
“I hope next time you’ll get an actual medic to treat your wounds. This… attempt at bandaging wasn’t very good.”, he huffed, just barely mincing his words in the face of such disgraceful suturing work.
“Oh no, I did go to a medic.”, Vicegeneral Song laughed awkwardly, “It’s just… after this disastrous battle, we had so many injured and we lost four of our medics. They didn’t have much time and were working on little to no sleep at all. And with the General’s injuries…”
Jiyan froze and he instantly regretted his choice of words. Shit, usually he wouldn’t be this harsh, would he? Then why… Could it be that his bad habits had infected him as well?
Jiyan’s heart ached at the small sigh which filled the silence with stifling despair.
“I just hope he wakes up soon.”, the man kneaded his hands in his lap, “I can’t do this without him.”
Flustered, he suddenly raised his hands to his head, gripping his hair tightly as he rasped out: “Have you seen me in there?! My voice was shaking when I had to report about the battle. In front of all the other generals! Oh, I embarrassed both myself and our entire division. I embarrassed him.”
Quickly, Jiyan leaped forward and grabbed his wrist. “Please don’t be too hard on yourself.”, he pleaded with his patient as he gently removed his hands, guiding them to his lap, “Personally, I think you did an amazing job, especially considering you’ve just returned from battle.”, he shot the other a reassuring smile, “You can be proud of yourself.”
“Thank you, Jiyan.” The man’s sniffle tore at Jiyan’s heartstrings and so he let him squeeze his hand, even though Jiyan had planned on first putting all the instruments and drenched gauze stacks away. After all, the meeting break surely wouldn’t last much longer and even though nobody was missing him, he still didn’t want to make his general wait.
Hah.
Who was he kidding?
That man probably hadn’t even noticed his absence-
“Can.. Can I hug you?”
Jiyan froze.
…He wouldn’t like this.
However, right now Jiyan was alone, far away from General Geshu Lin who was still in the meeting room talking with all these important people about even more important topics.
And Jiyan?
Jiyan was nothing more than a useless bystander, décor that nobody needed and yet somehow existed. He still had no idea why his general had brought him along. To spite him? To show him just how different the worlds were in which they were living?
…That I can never have him?
No.
No, he shouldn’t think this way. General Geshu Lin was not a man driven by emotions. Well. Except anger, maybe. And hatred towards Tacet Discords.
Anyway, someone like him made only strategic decisions, and that had to apply to today’s situation as well.
Jiyan was still in shock from this morning’s rough awakening when his general had literally stormed into his room to drag him out of bed, long before the sun was even up. He hadn’t offered him any explanation, just ordered him to get dressed and make himself look pretty.
Jiyan, as always, had followed his command without question. He really was that stupid.
And now look at this misery.
He had expected to accompany Geshu Lin to a new Tacet Field, some kind of extreme sparring session to use his Forte – something the man loved to do since last week when Qingloong had first soared across the sky, unleashing its unyielding winds which had even made Geshu Lin pause in awe.
It had been the first time General Geshu Lin had ever truly looked proud of him.
… Afterwards, Jiyan had been denied any moment of peace, always rotating between the infirmary and the training yard. And if he got the chance to finally sleep… Well, he was never allowed to enjoy this bliss for long.
All because of this one man.
The very man that had abandoned him the minute he had entered the meeting room and hadn’t spared him as much as a glance.
Jiyan knew that it was irrational, even childish to complain about this. And yet his stupid heart refused to do otherwise.
Only at a meek, awkward cough, Jiyan snapped out of his dark thoughts, and he quickly realized he still hadn’t answered the man’s request. Flustered, he gave his colleague a quick look up and down. Geshu Lin wouldn’t like this – Jiyan could testify first-hand that his general had once burned a soldier’s hand after they had punched Jiyan in a traumatic episode.
But did General Geshu Lin’s opinion really matter when he wasn’t around?
When he didn’t give a shit about him?
Plus, Vicegeneral Song looked horrible. He really needed that hug.
And maybe Jiyan did as well.
“Yeah, come here.”, Jiyan shot him a warm smile, funneling all his kindness in his voice as he spread his arms out to embrace the other. Vicegeneral Song didn’t hesitate for a moment. Jiyan was actually taken aback by how eagerly the fellow warrior hugged him. They hadn’t known each other for long, were merely nodding acquaintances from previous meetings because of their similar ranks.
‘But he just watched three hundred of his men get slaughtered by a giant ape. I would probably be far worse off.’ – Pushing his awkwardness aside, Jiyan focused fully on consoling the other man –after all he was still his patient, at least for now – gently patting his head as the other snuggled against him, seeking his comfort as if it were his lifeline.
“I couldn’t do anything when the ape got him.”, he heard the man whisper, his voice hollow as if he himself were more of a ghost than a breathing human being, “I just… stood there as it slammed him into the ground, over and over again. And I… I…”
“You saved your remaining men from getting killed as well.”
“I ordered them to retreat!”
“Which was the right choice. Just as we learned – ‘When defeat is inevitable, save as many lives as possible.’”, Jiyan gently patted his head, “And I’m sure your general would agree.
The man shuddered against him. But ultimately, he nodded in agreement. “I… I know. I try to tell myself this but every time I go to the infirmary and see him laying there I just… spiral. It’s as if I can’t think straight anymore. I only heard myself screaming, the men around me begging for a command, any command they can cling to.”, he let out a shaky gasp, his hands gripping tightly into the fabric of Jiyan’s uniform, “And I hear my general’s bones breaking as the ape slams him into the wall. And I think… I should have done more.”
Jiyan frowned. “You rushed in to save him.”, he sternly reminded his colleague, only to be cut short.
“Yes, but only when the ape lost sight of him because he flung him too far!”, he yelled only to then crumble beneath all his emotions and whisper hoarsely: “And now he’s in a coma and… I’m not even sure if I’ll ever speak to him again.”
Jiyan swallowed hard. What Vicegeneral Song was experiencing wasn’t exactly an uncommon situation. Grave, yes, but in this hellish war nothing new. General Geshu Lin would laugh in his face, if he heard his whining. If he had a good day.
Otherwise Vicegeneral Song might find himself with a boot sized burn wound all across his face.
General Geshu Lin would have been able to deal with the situation, if he had been in Vicegeneral Song’s shoes. Of course, he would have – General Geshu Lin never failed his men… or at least the grand scheme of Jinzhou’s battle strategy.
But what would I’ve done?
If I saw my general get punched into the ground by a giant ape? Would I have been able to command the men to retreat while I watch him die?
Jiyan didn’t know the answer – or maybe his brain refused to think about it. And it was right to do so, after all, these were main thought experiments, something Geshu Lin would give him a good beating for if he found out.
Gently, Jiyan placed his hands on his colleague’s back. “You will. Have faith.”, he reassured him, drawing slow, soothing circles on his back, “And until then, just continue what you’re doing – you are doing a great job at managing your men and you spoke very well in front of the other generals. Many wouldn’t have been able to do so. Your general will be so proud of you, when he hears about this.”
“Y…Y’sure?”, the soldier sniffled, loosening his arms around Jiyan.
“Absolutely.”, Jiyan nodded confidently, then straightened up and tried to get the other’s disheveled hair back into shape while still being trapped in his embrace.
“You-… You’re really too nice, Jiyan. How can I thank yo-“
A loud bang cut their conversation short. Although Jiyan instantly whirled around, he already knew that it had been the door, brutally kicked open by someone who only rarely used the doorknob. Because he neither had the time nor nerve to. But when the door slammed into the wall, leaving behind a visible dent, Jiyan knew that he was screwed. Utterly, royally screwed.
“Ah. I see…”, the first words echoed through the room, calm as if spoken by a monk. A treacherous façade that many wouldn’t recognize. Meanwhile, Jiyan turned paler than a sheet of paper.
“Here you are.”
Golden eyes bored straight into his soul, blazing like the desert sun.
Jiyan’s blood ran cold.
He was angry.
Very, very angry.
Slowly, like a predator stalking their prey, Geshu Lin came closer. Jiyan felt Vicegeneral Song tense up in front of him and the man quickly shuffled around to properly face the newcomer.
“General Geshu Lin.”, he bowed deeply in greeting.
Jiyan didn’t need to hear Geshu Lin’s scoff to know that his action had only made everything worse.
“I don’t remember the meeting to be already over.”, he clucked his tongue, his voice dripping with disdain as he towered over Vicegeneral Song who looked as if he was about to burst into tears.
Jiyan couldn’t blame him.
If he hadn’t been used to General Geshu Lin’s antics, he would already be in tears. Even now, he was still shaking with fear … because he knew that this would get ugly.
“Vicegeneral Song is injured. His wound dressing was falling apart so I redid it for him during breaktime. Please forgive us for taking this long.”, Jiyan hastily perked up, deciding that the best course of action would be to draw Geshu Lin’s attention to him instead of his poor colleague. At least he knew how to deal with Geshu Lin – even when it would probably result in a ton of bruises.
He could just hope that he’d be able to walk straight the next day.
“I do not recall giving you this command.”, Geshu Lin’s was as sharp as his claymore, cutting through the thick silence in the room after a heavy pause.
“You didn’t, Sir.”, Jiyan bowed deep in apology, gritting his teeth as his heart anxiously pounded in his chest. He knew apologizing wouldn’t help. He knew pleading wouldn’t either.
Still-
“Please excuse this subordinate of yours for his reckless behavior-“
It could have worked.
It could have worked if Vicegeneral Song hadn’t decided to give up on living right this very moment.
Mortified, Jiyan watched as the man next to him jumped up, stepping right in front of him as if he were shielding him. A kind gesture. But also his certain death warrant.
“Jiyan did nothing wrong, Sir! I was-“
“Do you decide if my subordinate is in the wrong or not?”
“General Geshu Lin, please. With all due respect, Jiyan was a godsent. He spotted my injury and was kind enough-“
Jiyan instinctively closed his eyes, expecting the burned scent of flesh to follow.
But just a single word echoed through the room.
“Out.”
Jiyan took in a sharp inhale. His hands were trembling. Terrified, he looked up, only to freeze when he saw Geshu Lin’s eyes. Eyes cold as the deepest winter, eyes that had seen more blood, more death – often at his own hands – than any human ever should.
Eyes that didn’t care to see another person fall to their feet, taking their last breath.
“Vicegeneral Song, this is enough!”, Jiyan rushed forward, grabbing the other man’s sleeve. He realized his major mistake when he felt the room heat up several degrees in an instant.
“I will not repeat myself again.”, the culprit for the sudden heat change drawled out, his eyes resting on them with eerie apathy.
Jiyan had to admit one thing – Vicegeneral Song was resilient. Where any other man would have fled (hell, even Jiyan was trembling by now), he only clasped his hand around Jiyan’s, then bowed deeply again.
“Please, don’t punish-“
Jiyan was powerless when a bandaged hand shot forward harshly grabbing the other man by his hair, yanking him upwards without a care in the world.
“You’re awfully keen on following your general, I see.”
Geshu Lin’s eyes rested on the man for not even a second before he flung him right out of the door. Jiyan winced when he heard Vicegeneral Song’s body collide with a wall and the pained whine which followed. Geshu Lin had always been ridiculously strong, probably because of fighting with his gigantic claymore for so long. But with great strength came great responsibility. And it seemed as if Geshu Lin didn’t deem himself responsible for keeping his fellow humans alive.
“Scram. Or I will kill you right here and now. Not as if your existence would matter anyways.”
Geshu Lin slammed the door shut before Vicegeneral Song could even get up.
The room fell silent. And to Jiyan’s surprise, it stayed like this. He had expected to be faced with an angry tirade, most definitely accompanied by a beating. But instead, he just felt Geshu Lin’s burning gaze resting on him. He wasn’t even coming closer.
This was odd.
Nervously, Jiyan started cleaning up the remains of his spontaneous operation table. Noise after noise filled the room as the instruments fell into the case.
Geshu Lin stayed silent.
Jiyan let out a shaky exhale and grabbed the lid. His hands were trembling, something Geshu Lin hated. But at this point, what did it even matter?
He was so dead.
A loud ‘clack’ filled the silence as he closed the first aid case shut.
And Geshu Lin stayed silent.
Jiyan couldn’t do this any longer.
“Sir, I-“, he perked up, only to be interrupted instantly, almost as if Geshu Lin had been waiting for it.
“Explain yourself, medic.”
Calm eyes were resting on him. Most would assume that General Geshu Lin was patiently waiting.
Jiyan knew better.
He was keeping himself from tearing Jiyan to shreds.
Collecting himself, Jiyan searched for the least risky explanation he could come up with. Then, he lowered his head in submission and spoke up:
“Sir, he is injured and his bandages came undone. I just treated his wounds – just as a medic would towards any other colleague-“
“He is not with our division.”
Jiyan winced beneath the sharp tone.
The first misstep.
Swallowing hard at the gravity of General Geshu Lin’s statement, he looked up, now meeting his gaze in protest. “Sir, he is a fellow soldier fighting alongside us – albeit in the same place – against our common enemy-“
“I don’t care.”
Jiyan couldn’t even bring up his hands in defense. In a flash, Geshu Lin had reached him, fist clenched in his shirt as he slammed him into the wall. Pain rang through Jiyan’s head, his collar biting harshly into his neck.
“You are not to treat him. Are we clear, medic?”, Geshu Lin’s hiss burned on Jiyan’s skin, worse than his flames ever could.
Desperately, Jiyan writhed beneath his grasp. “General, I don’t understand-“
He was slammed into the wall yet again.
Sentinels, his head was ringing. Was he already bleeding? Hopefully, not; he had no idea how to explain this to the other genera-
“Are we clear?”
Geshu Lin’s nails dug deep into his skin and Jiyan couldn’t help but let out a small whine at this. At this, others would have let go. Geshu Lin’s grasp only worsened.
“Yes, Sir.”, Jiyan’s voice was nothing more than a whisper. But it was enough for the other to let him go. Jiyan fell to the floor, useless like a marionette whose strings had just been cut. He was used to this and yet, in the face of such rage, his body succumbed to sheer primal fear.
“Why did you leave the meeting room?”
Geshu Lin’s voice sounded hollow in his ears and Jiyan couldn’t bring himself to look up at him.
“To treat Vicegeneral Song, Sir-“, he whispered, knowing that Geshu Lin wouldn’t be satisfied without an answer.
He wasn’t satisfied with an answer either.
Jiyan flinched when the scorching hot hand found his chin, grabbing it harshly and yanking it up so Jiyan had no choice but to face his superior.
“Lie. Try again.”
His thumb traced his jawline before he ran down to his throat. One little flame of his and Jiyan would be nothing but ashes.
“I’d suggest not to lie in my face again. You know how much I hate it.”, his eyes were wide-blown oozing with the desire to control, “And that I can see right through you.”
Jiyan’s mouth ran dry. But not only because of the clear threat in his words. No, even though it was shameful and honestly outright stupid, he felt his body tingle with a strange sense of anticipation, of want, when his general towered over him. He was so far above him, so far out of his reach – and yet he touched his face, trapped it in his firm grip as if he’d never let go.
And oh how Jiyan wished that he would just do this.
Never let him go again.
But it wasn’t that easy. It had never been that easy. And today’s conference had made it very clear that Jiyan’s feelings, this pull in his chest was no more than a naïve fantasy born from youthful needs and a sick infatuation with a man that would never be his.
Bracing himself to be ridiculed, Jiyan bravely met his general’s gaze and explained then: “Standing in that room… made me sick. When you talked to all these people, I was no more than a piece of furniture. And… the rift between us felt greater than ever.”
Geshu Lin seemed genuinely confused by his answer, his grip shortly faltering as he snorted: “What, so you expect to be treated as my equal? I didn’t expect you of all people to fall to such allures of grandeur.” He rolled his eyes as if he were talking to a child.
“No that’s not what I mean!”, hastily Jiyan shook head, noting in slight worry how he broke free from Geshu Lin’s grasp this way.
“I… I wasn’t of any use of you there.”, his quiet… and yet far too loud admission fell from his lips. An admission far too truthful that it should have seen the light of day.
Geshu Lin’s hand lingered next to his throat for a moment. And Jiyan was certain to be hit with a slap at any moment now. But to his surprise, Geshu Lin only crossed his arms in front of his chest, mustering him with a frown.
“I brought you here. Isn’t this enough to prove your usefulness?”, he finally muttered.
Jiyan couldn’t help but pause. This expression was… strange. Geshu Lin was often annoyed with him, but this look was different from mere frustration – he seemed genuinely offended. As if he’d change his ways if Jiyan told him so.
What a ridiculous thought.
“Sir, I don’t understand any of the talks. And even if I did…”, Jiyan clutched his hands up to fists as his gaze fell down to his arm where the insignia of the medics stared back at him, “… My word weighs nothing in this room.”
“It means something to me. That’s enough.”
Jiyan’s eyes widened at Geshu Lin’s words, spoken with such casualty while they wreaked havoc in Jiyan’s heart.
My… my words mean something to you?
Trembling beneath the realization, Jiyan’s mind swayed between trying to rejoice and to keep himself to fall victim to such hasty assumptions.
“I… I didn’t expect you to ask for my opinion.”, was the only thing he brought over his lips.
And how he regretted his words in the next moment.
“You shouldn’t expect anything from me.”, Geshu Lin smirked, slowly lifting up his boot, “Yet should be prepared for everything.”
Jiyan froze in shock when the black, heavy boot slowly pushed against his leg, spreading them with a silent command. And Jiyan obeyed. As always.
“I admit, I should have done the same.”, he heard the older man above him sigh, sounding almost bored, “Not expect you to be your dutiful self as always.”
Jiyan should have known better than to keep looking at the man while his boot was slowly tearing down his defenses. He should at least have looked down.
Maybe then the filthy moan wouldn’t have dropped from his lips, when the rough shoe sole found his crotch, pressing against it mercilessly.
It was way too forceful to be called ‘pleasure’ – and they both knew it.
Geshu Lin’s eyes shimmered with a dark, cruel glint.
This was punishment.
“I told you that no one is to touch you but me.”
The pressure got even worse and Jiyan’s body writhed in both agony and the desire for more – more pain, more heat, more Geshu Lin.
“And you disobeyed my command.”
Geshu Lin rolled his boot up and down, left and right, his pupils blown wide as he watched Jiyan squirm beneath his touch, claw his hands into the wall as if it could save him. But they both knew that there was nothing that could come to his rescue – not when he was right at Geshu Lin’s mercy.
“I knew you were pathetic but I must say… I didn’t expect you to stoop so low to fuck around with other soldiers in a backroom while I’m still around.”
“S… Sir, I did not-“
“You were about to.”
Jiyan gritted his teeth, a sudden surge of anger flaring up in him when he saw just how cold and calculated Geshu Lin’s gaze was. As if Jiyan was nothing more than an insect. But if he didn’t mean anything to him, why set up all these rules? Why trap him in this birdcage from purple flames and addictive words whispered in nights of shared breaths, night when they were one, even if just for a moment?
“I was not.”, furiously Jiyan pointed in a last-ditch attempt towards the couch where the first-aid box was still sitting as silent proof, “He was in pain! I did what every medic would have done!”
The pressure was gone in a second. Dumbfounded, Jiyan watched as the black boot was pulled out of his reach. In the meantime, his lower body was pulsing with pain … and something far warmer, far more dangerous. As a doctor, Jiyan knew the answer and yet he refused to look down to confirm his shameful suspicions.
“But you’re not every medic.”
Suddenly, Geshu Lin grabbed his wrist and with the ease of a claymore user, he hurled Jiyan up to his feet. But he didn’t stop there. Jiyan’s eyes widened when his hands found his neck, pulling him in for a harsh kiss. Jiyan winced as their teeth clacked against each other. Geshu Lin had never been a soft kisser – but this level of aggression was new.
“You’re my medic.”, he whispered into the kiss, his hot breath making Jiyan’s brain spiral. But as Geshu Lin stared at him, eyes wide-blown as if he had just returned from battle – this deranged, power-driven gaze that made Jiyan’s stomach coil in both fear and desire, he realized that his voice was different from all the other times he had been displeased with his actions. And also his gaze…
“Are… Are you jealous?”, he whispered tonelessly, wincing as the grip around his neck instantly tightened.
But then, Geshu Lin suddenly burst out in a loud laugh and to Jiyan’s total bedazzlement, he even let go of Jiyan, bringing his hand to his face to run it through his hair.
“Jealous?”, he repeated, still shaking with laughter while he mustered Jiyan as if he were nothing more than a dirty bag of clothes, “Are you hearing yourself? Listen, you foolish brat-“
With quick, experienced hands, Geshu Lin grabbed his wrist and next thing Jiyan knew his back was pressed against Geshu Lin’s broad chest. His pulse started racing when he realized that one arm had snaked around his lower torso while the other held him by the neck. There was no escape. He was fully at Geshu Lin’s mercy.
“To be jealous I would first have to desire you. Which I don’t.”, the hot whisper prickled along his ear, “You are merely a blade for me, a tool to be used and then discarded. And you knew this the day you accepted my touch.”
Jiyan closed his eyes, shuddering like a grass in the wind as hot fingers snuck beneath his uniform, trailing his (thanks to Geshu Lin’s relentless training regime) well-defined abs. They drew slow circles, roaming lower and lower.
Geshu Lin took his time. Because who was going to stop him?
And Jiyan? Jiyan was slowly but surely losing his mind. His skin burned beneath the touch, every fiber of his being urging him to lean into it. And maybe he did. Maybe he chased after it, arching his back when he was left with coldness when the fingers disappeared for a moment, teasing him cruelly, before reappearing with seemingly even more heat than before.
Using his Forte in such a way… General Geshu Lin was really unfair.
Jiyan’s breath hitched when the hand had roamed low enough to hit the borders of its newly conquered territory and he couldn’t help but inhale sharply when he felt Geshu Lin’s thumb play around with his waistband, letting it snap against his skin again and again.
“You are here to serve me and only me.”
He felt Geshu Lin breathe against his cheek.
“And yet you failed me.”
There was no warning when Geshu Lin grabbed his throat and pushed it back, pressing it right against his shoulder.
And there was even less warning when his hand found Jiyan’s cock, grabbing it tight for a short moment, so forceful than Jiyan’s nearly toppled over in both pleasure and pain, hadn’t it been for this cursed hand at his throat, holding him in place.
He was starting to feel light-headed.
Because Geshu Lin was depriving him of air or because of his touch?
Jiyan didn’t know. The only thing he could think about was how the other’s man’s thumb, his skin rough from excessive sword training, brushed from his shaft up the tip.
“What’s this?” He heard his superior’s mocking laugh right next to him, the hand at his throat still not relenting and the same went for the other one which now teasingly ran circles around the tip. Jiyan flushed bright red in embarrassment. “So wet after a few touches?
Jiyan cried out in pain when his general suddenly flicked his cock.
“Or were you already this worked up because of that other guy?”
“No, I… I told you-“
General Geshu Lin had none of it. Instead, he trapped the medic in an iron grasp, heating up his fingers one by one so the heat rushed around Jiyan’s member – and so did the pressure.
Jiyan was about to lose his mind at his damn teasing.
“I brought you here as my vice. To accompany to this shitty meeting.”, Geshu Lin’s laugh was bitter as he cupped his fingers, his nails raking across Jiyan’s sensitive skin to which the hot mess in his stomach pulsed violently, a coil begging for its release. His touch was painful, oh so painful, and yet Jiyan had long forgotten how to loathe it, only how to chase after it. “And yet here you are, enjoying yourself with the other generals in some rotten backroom. Do you want me to punish you so badly?”
“Sir, please..”, Jiyan’s plea was reduced to a pitiful whimper as Geshu Lin began stroking him up and down, his pace relentless just like the man himself. Sloppily and yet with cruel calculation, his superior began littering his neck with kisses alternating between feather-light ones that prickled like cold ice-cubes and bruising ones. At one point, Jiyan was almost certain his teeth had just broken the tender skin.
Another pained gasp fell from his lips, a silent plea to stop.
General Geshu Lin’s smile only grew wider.
“You’re silent, medic. That’s not quite how I remember you-“, he grinded against him, his arms leaving Jiyan no chance to pull away from his touch, “…When I last fucked you in my office.”
Jiyan’s whole body shuddered at the familiar pressure against his ass and memories flashed before his mind – memories had haunted him many, many nights.
“But I guess my presence isn’t as enjoyable as this other guy’s. I must say, it’s pretty pathetic you weren’t already at it.”, the fingers at Jiyan’s throat curled, nails piercing into his skin as Geshu Lin’s whisper ghosted his bruised skin like curse, “You tried so hard… shooting him your best smile, flirting with him. Did you enjoy touching his arm? Did it feel-“
In a last act of defiance, his veins thrumming with both rage and hurt, Jiyan’s threw his head back, his only way to hit the man behind him as he rasped out: “This had nothing to do with enjoyment, but solely my obligation as a doctor-“
“Your obligation?!”
General Geshu Lin’s sarcastic if not outright hateful laugh was the only warning he got before his general pulled him flush against him. Jiyan could feel his Wavelength thrumming against him, erratic if not straight-off wild – like a Dreadmane ready to tear Jiyan’s body apart and devour whatever was left of him. And he could feel something else. Something hard.
Jiyan’s eyes widened.
“Your obligation… is with me and only me.”, the general whispered into Jiyan’s ear only to then kiss him again as his rough strokes turned Jiyan into a sputtering mess. He knew that without Geshu Lin’s grasp he would not be standing upright by now and he was sure the man was aware of it as well. And yet he didn’t let go of him, no, he would never let him escape. Reeling with his pent-up desire pulsing through his veins and turning his skin into a numb, prickling mess, he gasped for air. Faintly, he smelled the familiar scent of ashes and of blood – something Geshu Lin never lost, even after showering (Jiyan could confirm this. Not on his own volition had he been dragged along many, many times.)
Geshu Lin’s presence was stifling him, his Wavelength sending his own one into a frenzy and Jiyan was sure that it was not just because of his touch. Geshu Lin meant danger, both mentally and physically and as a doctor, Jiyan should know better than to lean into his touch. And yet he did, no, he grinded into it, chased any kind of friction he could get as this man toyed with him, loosening his grip around Jiyan’s cock every time he came close to finally find salvation, finally release this by now painful pressure pulsing in his entire lower body.
He knew that it was wrong, not only because at any given moment someone could come through this door and spot them (even though he was pretty sure Geshu Lin would instantly turn them to ashes).
Everything about them was wrong.
And yet… Jiyan couldn’t get enough of it. He craved Geshu Lin’s touch, his voice, even the degrading. Just the presence of this man was enough to lose himself. Get drowned in these searing touches, purple scorching-hot flames that devoured him with almighty power.
There was no doubt that General Geshu Lin knew that Jiyan was hopeless in his hands, just a puddle of molten gold.
And that this foolish, love-struck medic, even when littered in bruises and scratches would always come back to him.
Jiyan wasn’t sure if he felt the same. But at least he could say and very clearly feel in his back that his general seemed to enjoy himself.
“So. Let me ask this again? What did you plan to do with this man in here?”
“I… I only wanted to help him, I swear-“
Jiyan cried out in pain as the hand clenched tightly around cock.
“Please, Sir…this… this hurts-“
“As it should when my subordinate lies to my face. I wonder…”, Jiyan broke out in cold sweat of fear when he felt Geshu Lin’s lips curve up into a cruel grin against his skin. “How much more can you endure before I break you?”
Geshu Lin let out a low, bone-chilling chuckle.
“We both know I can force you to drop all these stupid lies.”, Jiyan panicked when he heard the Wavelength’s thrumming grow louder and louder “Let’s see how you’ll answer when you can only say my name.”
Geshu Lin’s hand turned excruciatingly hot. Hotter as the Inferno Rider Flames, burning against his skin, setting Jiyan ablaze so he felt nothing but pain – and Geshu Lin.
All around him, his scent, his touch, his kisses…-
Jiyan didn’t know when Geshu Lin had pulled his hand up to his mouth. But he was sure it was the only reason he didn’t hear his scream echo from the walls.
His mind felt dizzy as if he had indulged his fellow brothers-in-arms to have a drink alongside them. His body was reeling with pain – but there was also something else.
“As if I’d let you come when you still disobey me.”, he could hear his general huff, his grip growing a bit loose for the moment as he repositioned Jiyan against him. Almost cutely, he nuzzled against his cheek as he swayed him from left to right, his fingers innocently trailing up Jiyan’s length that was by now a dripping, aching mess begging for mercy.
“So, you get one more chance: what-“
“I did not lie!”, Jiyan usually prided himself in his self-composure, but after this torture, he couldn’t do it anymore. Geshu Lin really brought out the worst in him. Reduced to just a shadow of himself, he whimpered: “Please… just…”
“Please just what? Trust you?”, Geshu Lin chuckled, tapping the tip as if it were nothing more than a table, a habit Jiyan had noticed so many times when he had been forced to help him with paperwork. … Or when he needed… different kind of assistance.
Maybe, after all this time… just once would he return said assistance and listen to his pleas? Just once?
Jiyan couldn’t endure it any longer.
“Fuck me…”, Jiyan sputtered the words out in a haze, his body limply splayed against Geshu Lin, turning his head weakly to the side. Geshu Lin’s hair tickled against his skin. Numbly, he looked up to his face. Up close, he was so pretty.
So cruel and yet… so beautiful.
What would I give for you to be mine?
What would I give for you to finally see me as more than just-
“Hah.”
Jiyan’s world came crashing down with but a single laugh.
Bitter, full disdain, full mockery.
When Jiyan’s body hit the floor, helpless as the arms around him vanished, replaced by a harsh shove in his back, his knees and elbows flared up in pain. But how insignificant this was compared to the way his heart shattered when he looked up and met those golden eyes, looking down at him with pure apathy.
“Just look at you. Useless after I touched you for just a little while. I didn’t even fuck you.”, Geshu Lin sneered as he stepped closer. When he kicked his crotch, Jiyan didn’t have the energy to block him. The moan that fell from his lips was accompanied by heavy regret – and yet Jiyan couldn’t fight it.
“I wonder…”, Geshu Lin’s face contorted into a smile, warped almost crazed that it sent shivers down Jiyan’s spine, “… if he could have made you moan this way.”
But then, all of a sudden, his face was wiped blank and he shrugged, commenting nonchalantly: “I guess, he could have made you come at least.”, he wandered over to Jiyan’s head and abruptly crouched down next to him. Roughly, he grabbed his hair and yanked him up. “Too bad you’re stuck with me, huh? Told you, you’d regret it.”
With a laugh – but why did it sound so hollow? – he let go of Jiyan’s hair, not paying any mind to how his head fell back to the floor with a dull noise. Instead, he just stood up and began walking to the door. On the way, he passed the first-aid kit.
Jiyan’s mind rang in alarm when he saw him pause.
He burned the first-aid box with a single snap of his fingers.
“Let’s make one thing clear.“, Geshu Lin’s voice rang through the room like a curse, writing itself all across Jiyan’s skin. “I’m not jealous. I’m disappointed.”
Casually, he flexed his arms, purple flames dancing along his fingers as he did so. But although he seemed distant, Jiyan didn’t miss how his eyes were still glued to him, scorching him like a second sun.
“You are my medic. I decide where you go, what you do… and whom you give yourself to. Are we clear?”
Jiyan let out a shaky sigh. He closed his eyes, knowing that even if he were to meet his gaze – he wouldn’t find what he was looking for. For it had never existed in the first place.
“Yes, Sir.”, he meekly whispered.
“I’ll see you in five minutes at the meeting room. Get yourself presentable.”
Geshu Lin didn’t waste another second on him.
Of course, he didn’t.
Jiyan pressed his face against the ground when the door was slammed shut and silence was draped over him like a death shroud. Everything felt so cold. His body was still reeling with the aftermath of Geshu Lin’s onslaught, craving the touches he had begged so desperately for – and had been denied.
And his warmth…
Geshu Lin had never once let Jiyan enjoy his warmth, had only used it to tease him. Because Jiyan had never been supposed to crave his warmth in the first place.
He bit his lip in anger when he felt tears pricking at his eyes.
“Fuck…”, he whispered against the floor, knowing full well that no one would hear his whining. Especially not him.
“…Why did I ever fall for you?”
~
“’Get yourself presentable’” Jiyan could only scoff when he looked at the mirror above the sink, “Hah, easier said that done when you pull something like this…”
With a frown, he mustered the reddish disaster decorating his neck almost up to his jaw, the countless bruises this brute had left behind.
“Are those bite marks?! This guy…”, flabbergasted Jiyan leaned closer as he inspected a particularly nasty bruise at the side of his throat, “He could have been a bit gentler, couldn’t he?”
He pulled back with the biggest, most tired sigh he could muster up.
This was not just about the bruises. His hair was disheveled as if he had gotten into a fight with his own Forte and the circles below his eyes – Not even after his 24 hour shift at his mother’s hospital, he had looked this miserable.
“How am I even supposed to hide it? He literally covered everything?! Does he want me to get interrogated by the other generals?”
Flustered, he pulled out his shirt from his trousers and pulled it up. It wasn’t much but it should cover at least most of it. But did the rest of his outfit now look ‘presentable’ as well-
“Shit.”
His other problem stared right back at him, in all its bulging glory.
After he had finally gotten up from the ground, Jiyan’s body had been so numb from his terrifying encounter that he had forgotten about it. And even now looking at it, Jiyan felt nothing of the desire from earlier, just a dull pulsing ache. It was shameful, if not outright disgusting.
Weakness.
No wonder Geshu Lin despised this feeling so much.
Jiyan let out a wet chuckle and palmed the tent lightly. As expected, it only made him feel worse. His touch was tender and cold, nothing like those hot, brazen strokes from earlier.
It was not Geshu Lin.
Still, he was a man and there was some method to this. Especially, when he was pushed this far, it should just take a few strokes – okay maybe a few more with Geshu Lin’s absence – and he should be fine.
But in the end, Jiyan decided against it. The door was unlocked and there was no key in sight. And unlike a certain someone, he was neither a maniac nor high-ranking enough to take such a risk.
With a shaky sigh, he tried to think of the most disgusting body odors he had smelled in his time in the hospital, recalled all those inflamed, pus-dripping wounds..
And the body with maggots.
Yeah, he was getting somewhere.
Slightly relieved at the improvement he turned back to the mirror and tried his luck again with dealing with Geshu Lin’s marks of… not-love. But there were just too many.
“Maybe I should just let my hair down. Not as if anyone here knows that I’d never choose such a hairstyle…”, he muttered under his breath as he began to untie it. But the moment he removed his hair ponytail cuff, a sound had him freeze in place.
It wasn’t a loud bang like before when Geshu Lin had entered, just a soft click.
And yet Jiyan’s heart raced in fear.
However, his general had trained him well. Calmly, he let his hair down, shooting a quick glance at the mirror and fixing a few strands to improve his camouflage before turning to the visitor.
It was Vicegeneral Song.
And he looked as if he had just seen hell.
For a moment, a cold ball of dread twisted Jiyan’s stomach, fearing that he might have been here earlier than expected and had heard the altercation between him and his general. But at second glance, Jiyan – who as a doctor was very good at reading faces – decided that this was not the expression of a man who had witnessed such obscenities. Otherwise, there was no hell a person with his character would meet Jiyan’s eyes.
“Jiyan, are you okay?”
Jiyan could only smile tiredly at the, to Song’s defense, genuine question.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”, he muttered, making sure not to walk too hastily so his hair would sway to the side.
His colleague’s face instantly lit up at this, reminding Jiyan all too much of a puppy as he held the door open for him. “Oh, I’m glad. I’m so sorry for the trouble. Your general is really as scary as the rumors say.”
“He’s just angry. Nothing new.”
Just as the bruises. Just new specks of red next to fading ones.
“Nothing new?! Jiyan, that’s-“
Jiyan handed the other soldier the pills from his gourd with a little bit more force than needed, mostly to shut him up. “Vicegeneral Song, please take this and have it with a glass of water. It will alleviate the pain from the wound redressing.”, he spared a quick glance at the room before ushering the other out, inwardly thanking the Sentinels that the man wasn’t observant enough to notice the burn stain on the couch and the missing-
“Oh wait, don’t we need to fetch the first-aid kit?”
Sentinels, you betrayed me.
“General Geshu Lin already took it along. He wanted me to return more quickly like this.”, Jiyan had to muster up all his self-composure not to glare daggers at his colleague.
“Oh, I see…”, the soldier looked surprised, but thankfully, he didn’t seem to be the suspecting type, so in the end he just shot Jiyan a beaming smile and said: “That’s nice of him. Then, we can walk the way back to the meeting room together, right? Awesome, I wanted to-“
“Thank you for the offer, but I must decline.”, Jiyan cut him short without hesitation, this time not bothering to hide his frosty tone. Ignoring the other’s hurt look, he sternly explained: “Although I am glad to help you, I can’t do anything else for you. You were afraid of my general, weren’t you? Then let me tell you – this was just a warning. The next time, he finds me with you, he will get serious.”
Unfazed by the other’s puppy eyes, Jiyan pointed at the hallway.
“Please go on ahead, Vicegeneral Song. And if you really want to do something for me…”, he smiled sweetly, “… please hurry because General Geshu Lin told m to return as soon as possible and he hates waiting.”
Vicegeneral Song was utterly dumbfounded. And admittedly, Jiyan couldn’t blame him. So, after checking that nobody or nothing else, especially not a purple flame, was in the hallway, he gave the other a little push at the shoulder and said with utmost professionalism:
“See you in the meeting and I pray for the speedy recuperation of both you and your general.
~
Jiyan had to admit that he had forgotten just how long the hallways were. When he finally reached the meeting room, he almost expected to be met with a closed door and behind it a very pissed general.
But instead, the door was open.
And this was not the only surprise.
Jiyan spotted the white mob of hair already when he was halfway down the hallway.
Huh. Maybe the break had been longer than Jiyan remembered.
General Geshu Lin was leaning against the doorframe, not even sparing him a glance, let alone utter a word in greeting.
As soon as Jiyan was in his vicinity, the older man turned around on his heels and marched back into the meeting room. But Jiyan didn’t neither miss the way their hands brushed against each other nor the immense heat radiating from the man.
And he definitely didn’t miss the words, quietly whispered when they were closest.
“Hair down suits you.”
General Geshu Lin didn’t look at him once when he walked past him and headed straight to the podium where his name was already getting announced.
And Jiyan sat down in the audience.
Because that’s all they’d ever be.