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Severus Snape was fifteen, already miserable, and already having a bad day when Avery leaned across the Slytherin table and said:
“Oi, Snape. True your mum got dumped by Riddle?”
The Great Hall went quiet.
Severus slowly looked up.
“…What.”
Avery smirked. “You know. Before he went all Dark Lord-y. Everyone knows he left her. Tragic.”
Severus stood up so fast his bench fell over.
“I’m going home,” he said flatly, and stormed out with the confidence of someone about to experience emotional devastation.
“Mum,” Severus demanded the moment he slammed the door shut, “did Tom Riddle dump you.”
Eileen Prince, peacefully stirring a potion, froze.
“…I’m sorry?”
“The rumor,” Severus said, breathing hard, “is that Riddle dumped you, and I need to know if I should start screaming now or later.”
Eileen stared at him.
Then she laughed.
Actually laughed.
“Wait—‘Riddle dumped me’?” she said. “No. No, no, no—absolutely not.”
Severus’s knees went weak.
“…So he didn’t—?”
“I was the one who ended it with him,” Eileen said firmly. “History has simply chosen violence.”
Severus staggered backward.
“…I could’ve been Voldemort’s kid—?”
“No,” she said. “Because I broke up with him.”
“…I could’ve been Voldemort’s kid—?”
“Severus.”
“…I could’ve been—”
“I told Tommy I was looking for love,” she continued, entirely ignoring his spiral, “and he couldn’t understand it.”
Severus clutched his head.
“…I could’ve been Voldemort’s kid—?”
“He kept talking about power,” Eileen said. “Immortality. Legacy. Very exhausting.”
“That sounds like foreplay for him.”
“And a deal-breaker for me.”
FLASHBACK: TOM RIDDLE BEING DUMPED (HISTORICALLY)
Hogwarts, sixth year. An empty corridor.
Tom Riddle smiled politely, which was already alarming.
“Together,” he said, “we could be extraordinary.”
Eileen raised an eyebrow. “Tom. Do you actually love me?”
He paused.
“…Love is an unreliable emotion.”
She sighed. “Right. I’m ending this.”
Tom blinked.
“…You are… what?”
“I want someone who understands love,” she said. “You don’t.”
He straightened. “You’ll regret this.”
“Probably,” she replied. “But not today.”
She walked away.
Tom stood there, deeply offended.
“…I will become immortal,” he muttered, absolutely not coping.
BACK TO THE PRESENT
“…So,” Severus said faintly, “you dumped him.”
“Yes.”
“And people say he dumped you.”
“Yes.”
“…They are lying.”
“Yes.”
Severus pressed his face into his hands.
“…I could’ve been Voldemort’s kid—?”
“He gave me a diary afterward,” Eileen added casually.
Severus shrieked. “WHY IS THAT ALWAYS PART OF IT.”
“I didn’t keep it.”
“THANK MERLIN.”
“It was passive-aggressive.”
Severus paced.
“…I could’ve been raised in a dark fortress—”
“Severus.”
“…I could’ve had a snake nursery—”
“Severus.”
“…I could’ve been heir to a DARK EMPIRE—”
“SEVERUS.”
He stopped.
Eileen sighed. “If Tom Riddle were your father, you’d be charming, terrifying, and emotionally stable in the worst way.”
Severus considered this.
“…Instead I’m just anxious.”
“Exactly.”
A pause.
“…So I’m safe.”
“Yes.”
“…The rumor is wrong.”
“Very.”
“…Can I hex Avery.”
“Not fatally.”
“Deal.”
As Severus headed upstairs, he muttered:
“…Imagine being so bitter about a breakup you invent a Dark Lord persona.”
Eileen smiled into her tea.
“Men.”