Chapter Text
Leaving the institute was as terribly freeing as it was daunting. Though in kinder words he was leaving behind some garbage instead of being the one left behind.
Pushing through the grand double doors reveals a great grand view of nothing but an empty courtyard.
There is no congratulations ceremony and there is no welcome parade. Only the sway of the grass and trickle of the courtyard's fountain welcome him back into society.
Yoojin is neither egotistical nor justified enough to feel disappointment.
With a huff he slumps down on the stone steps, leaning against one of the stone columns, to call a rideshare to pick him up.
He runs a calming hand through his freshly brushed hair.
It’s not that he was expecting something anyway. He just thought that there was a possibility…Maybe, that Yoohyun might swing by in something as basic as a cop car to pick him up.
Yoojin knows that any special treatment would have to be left behind with the institute.
He expected this.
Why expect anything special for making it to 30 while under medical supervision, when they hadn’t celebrated together for something in years.
About six months ago, Han Yoojin was placed (read: dragged) into an impatient facility after a particularly nasty public crash out.
If Yoojin was being honest, this had actually been one of the comfiest rehabilitation centers he’d ever lived in.
Definitely far higher quality than anything his insurance could afford, though he was sure he wouldn’t miss it.
Surviving the treatment alive and well was basic decency, for all the money his brother had spent to put him here.
Maybe if he wasn’t pathetically mooching off his younger brother’s money, then he could pretend that Yoohyun would’ve sent one of his coworkers to escort him.
⋟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀɪᴅᴇ ꜱʜᴀʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴀʀʀɪᴠɪɴɢ…
Maybe no one would come to pick him up anyway.
He’s had some pretty embarrassing moments in front of his brother’s coworkers. That’s putting it lightly, many of those times involved Yoojin being thrown into the back of a cop car while being restrained.
In his defense, being held down by so many people in the middle of a panic attack, only makes him panic more. He gets violent and downright feral. He’s seen the footage…an interrogation room is quite familiar to him.
Honestly, it’s only thanks to Yoohyun that Yoojin has never gotten a resisting charge and instead was forced to get the help he needed. Albeit, this has turned into a regular occurrence in the last two years.
This awful track record would unfortunately put Yoojin on the department’s bad side. Although too professional to be called forceful, everyone knew his name, and the worst part is that they never let him talk to his brother.
Blatant loyalty to his brother that had them doing anything he told them.
It’s not what he thinks, it’s what he knows. He’s heard the gossip while being lead to the holding cell in handcuffs. He’s seen the looks of disdain.
How could the KNPA’s hotshot be treated so cruelly by his hyung like that?
What kind of toxic relationship was Han Yoohyun forced to suffer, growing up without parents and raised by an alcoholic older brother?
How disappointing is it that his younger brother can’t count on his hyung to do something as simple as act his age?
Yoojin wasn’t abusive or toxic. He wasn’t. He isn’t.
But who would ever believe him now. The power balance in the relationship keeps Yoojin on edge. Yoohyun has only ever used force to subdue him, when all Yoojin has ever wanted was his brother back.
People call him crazy and delusional. Yoojin insists that his reputation wouldn’t be in the gutter if Yoohyun hadn’t religiously sent welfare checks to his residence.
And always at the most inconvenient times too, just when Yoojin had finally talked himself into finishing the job and escaping this mutually toxic relationship for good.
Furthermore, always being stopped only heightened Yoojin’s paranoia into assuming that his brother must somehow be stalking him. Yoohyun lies and spreads rumors and whines that his hyung is wasting all his time, when Yoojin can barely escape his influence.
Why are you punishing me? Arn’t you the reason that I’m like this?
Yoojin has always believed in his brother’s ability to lie.
He learned from the best didn’t he?
Yoojin startles violently when the car that pulled up honks at him. He shakes his head.
Wooo no, definitely not the kind of line of thought that his therapists would be pleased with.
Oh come on, you’re still on the facility’s property. He could try harder than this.
He picks up his plastic bag full of miscellaneous things and hops in the car.
He’s got his personal items on him and the clothes on his back, but he needs to go find the storage unit Yoohyun shoved all his stuff into.
『0 ɴᴇᴡ ᴍᴇꜱꜱᴀɢᴇꜱ』
He thumbs across the screen.
__________________
When he was in the crazy house, Yoojin’s goal was trying to figure out how to escape his obsessive brother without feeling like he was abandoning him.
Most of it was Yoo Myeongwoo’s idea.
Yoojin gathered up his backup savings and bought a nice flat in Incheon.
If Yoojin could become successfully capable of living life on his own again then maybe his brother would finally lay off of him. Or better, maybe Yoojin will find a new way to be happy.
Myeongwoo could only see a positive side to the situation.
In a way that makes Yoojin happy. He’s not ‘running away’ if he leaves Yoohyun a trail of breadcrumbs to where he’s located right?
So long as the two could stay close without having to interact. Yoojin knows that Yoohyun wouldn’t come unprompted.
It’s not what he wants… but it’s what Yoohyun wants.
“Mr. Han.” Yoojin turns to see a worker arriving with a moving van.
The older man steps out of the vehicle and comes over to look at Yoojin’s open storage unit.
“Is this all of it?”
“Actually, I only wanted to move some of these. Could I rent out the unit for a couple more months into the future? I’d like to change the card this unit is being paid with.”
“Of course, sir.”
There's about 30 boxes and a beat up set of furniture.
This is his and Yoohyun's whole life packed into one small storage unit.
The boxes were labeled with everything in them, very crudely packed together by Kim Sunghan and Seok Simyeong. Yoojin checked through a few boxes, everything is here. They must have taken the order to clear out everything very seriously.
He takes a bare essential amount of furniture and brings all the necessities.
He leaves Yoohyun’s toys and clothes behind, but he keeps his childhood awards.
There are plenty of things he doesn’t need, but can’t bring himself to get rid of anything. If Yoohyun had wanted something, he could’ve taken it. Yoojin would not send anything over to him for fear that he would burn it.
For now the rest of the boxes will just have to stay here until Yoojin gets a bigger place to keep the stuff.
“I heard about the great real estate in Incheon. You’ll be a bit closer to the beach too.”
He makes a noncommittal noise.
Yoojin stares out the window at the midday traffic and how the sky is starting to get a little overcast. He views the fast passing scenery from the passenger’s seat of the moving truck.
“Think you’ll miss Seoul? Not to pry into your reasons for moving.”
Six months ago it had been early winter, that means it must be mid-summer now right?
“Oh, Not really I think.”
Yoojin feels his social skills are a bit out of touch currently.
He pulls up his text to Yoo Myeongwoo’s number.
『ʏᴏᴜ:』
⋟ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴇᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ, ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʜᴇʟᴘ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴇᴇᴛ
⋟ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ꜰɪɴᴅ ᴍᴇ.
⋟ 인천 서구 123 (우)...
Yoojin wouldn’t call the man a close friend. He’s never had one of those.
Still, he sent the man his new address. They made good food and had taken the time to listen. Yoo Myeongwoo was the only one who believed that Yoojin hadn’t been crazy. He believed Yoojin’s words before the nurses and the therapists, who all painted his cop brother a saint.
8 hours of therapy a day. He’d met Myeongwoo in the ward and they’d spend time talking in the gardens.
Yoojin was too paranoid of the 24/7 surveillance, he hated the cameras pointing out how he was being watched, and he hated not knowing what was in the medicine. He was scared that his brother could be watching for any of his faults.
Myeongwoo deserves some credit for keeping him sane.
The world revolves around Han Yoohyun. Only a country away could keep Yoojin far enough out of his brother’s jurisdiction. And even halfway around the world Yoojin would never be able to stop thinking about him.
This will have to do.
He will start over and turn over a new leaf for his dongsaeng.
It will have to suffice, to keep Yoohyun as nothing more than his emergency contact.
Maybe somewhere in Incheon he can find a small place to breathe again.
__________________
“𝘏𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘨-"
"𝘠𝘰𝘰𝘫𝘪𝘯…"
"𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘐 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘴𝘺𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤 𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘚𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘭."
"𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨…𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙛𝙪𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙚.”
“Yoohyun, why are you doing this…”
"𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘮𝘺.”
“Please don’t- I…”
“I’ll try harder next time.”
"𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺. 𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘱 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘶𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶.
𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴. 𝘞𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦.”
“I promise that this is the last time.”
It even sounded pathetic to him.
"𝘐- 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘉𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝘐'𝘮 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙖𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪...”
Tears are streaming down his face.
The first thing he feels is rage.
“So what, is that just it?”
“You’ve been pushing me off for years and now you really don't want anything to do with me.”
Anger, grief, denial.
He always does this every time.
He always feels the same shades, just in various orders.
His surroundings are blurred out by tears and his heart almost stops.
“Are we done?”
"...𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰."
So that’s it?
Are they done, done, after clinging on so desperately?
Was there really no hope?
“𝙒𝙖𝙞𝙩… 𝙔𝙤𝙤𝙟𝙞𝙣-”
“Yes?!”
Infinitely hopeful.
“𝘐 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘚𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘔𝘳. 𝘚𝘦𝘰𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵.”
The line cuts off and a scream claws up his throat.
__________________
“Hey Mr. Han.”
Yoojin startles and turns to look at the driver, “Got your head floating around in there.”
“Just thinking about the new futon I ordered.”
“Ah, I see.”
Excuses and lies sell like candy.
It’s fine.
Lies are pretty. Lies are mutual.
Like how Yoojin lied that he would get better.
Like how Yoohyun lied that he would stay forever.
It’s a love language.
Yoojin feels his pulse and does another breathing exercise. In and out.
Clouds. Car. Billboard.
Yoojin’s never been a picture perfect parent. He can only imagine how much Yoohyun has suffered with his older brother’s mental health for the last eight years.
Bug. License plate. Waterdrop.
What’s he going to do when he gets there?
Unpack. Sleep. Eat. Start a life. Find a job.