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Funny, how the things we come by in the strangest ways can become so valuable to us.
Take, for instance, when Susie had turned up on the doorstep of the ghost cousins’ house, offering a vintage television that had a few dings. Surely not the finest model to be had on the market. But when Mettaton had answered the door, he’d immediately been charmed by the old set.
For one, he didn’t own any sort of television or computer or anything with a screen to begin with, and he’d been so incredibly bored. For another, this one had its signs of slight damage, but that really just meant it had been loved by its previous family. After all, the way Susie had begged Mettaton to take the television had spoken to the fact that Kris’ mother was about to throw it out no matter what, but it was still in perfect working order! One monster’s trash was another’s treasure, after all. Then there was the fact that apparently this one came with a name. No idea why anyone would call their television “Tenna,” but it was such a charming aspect that Mettaton couldn’t turn it down!
Truly, it may have just been a box that displayed moving pictures, but it had come to Mettaton’s home via events that could only be thought of as destiny. And Mettaton, despite being a homebody who hadn’t really ever come into his own enough to show off his theatricality to the world, did so love tropes. If destiny delivers an item to your door, you don’t send it away. After all, what would have happened if that little man in that one fantasy series hadn’t kept that ring? Nothing interesting whatsoever, that’s what!
Which was why, on Mettaton’s next birthday, the gift he was given nearly destroyed his soul.
He chanced venturing out for just a little while in order to pick up a treat for himself, fantasizing the whole way, as he often did, of what it would be like if he had a different body, an identity he could flaunt, the confidence to show the world who he really was. Maybe one day.
And then he came home to find Maddy grinning a mile wide at him and a piece of him ripped right out. Because she was standing in front of a fifty-inch flatscreen, situated right where Tenna should be.
“SURPRISE!” she said cheerily. “Like it? Oh, who am I kidding! You LOVE it! I know you had to be sick of trying to make heads or tails of that ancient screen, so I upgraded you!”
“and I got you a new curtain rod,” Napstablook said shyly from behind her. “for your curtains.” Their voice dropped to a mutter: “it’s actually not that special.”
Mettaton didn’t give a snail’s shell about the curtain rod. Instead, he glared at Maddy, murder in his eyes, and hissed “What…have…you…DONE?”
“Oh my God.” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re not happy. Do you have any idea how much I spent on this thing? It’s the BEST ONE! I got it because you love TV and you won’t shut up about it! I thought you’d LOVE it, and you don’t even CARE?”
“You don’t understand,” he hissed. “Where…is…Tenna?”
“Where’s who?” Maddy needed to think about that. Oh, right, he had a name for the old one. “I threw it out. Is this because you named it? You can name this one too! It’s an LCD, so…something like…Elsie. That’s cute – “
“WHERE DID YOU THROW IT OUT?”
“GEEZ!” Maddy turned her back on Mettaton. “You’re seriously telling me you’d rather have that beat-up old thing than what I put thought and money into?” Her voice cracked; “You know, sometimes I think you’re stubborn on purpose whenever I try to do something nice for you, just because you don’t want to be nice back to me!”
Mettaton was about to fire back when he realized…that was how this looked. A normal monster would be grateful for such an expensive gift that aligned with their interests, and his relationship with Maddy could be…tense. If not for Napstablook, they might’ve tried to strangle each other already – a futile affair since neither had tangible throats. Doing the math that way, Mettaton could see how Maddy might think that this had nothing to do with Tenna and everything to do with the fact that she’d tried to do something nice.
He sighed. “…It isn’t like that. Listen, I truly do appreciate the lengths you’ve gone to, but…Ten – that TV was special to me. It crossed my path when I needed it most. I had a…sentimental connection to it, you could say. Haven’t you ever had something like that? Something that may seem ridiculous to the outside observer, but that stokes the fires of passion in your very soul?”
Maddy didn’t respond.
“…Thank you for the gift,” Mettaton sighed. “It really is impressive. I just – I’ll get used to it. I mean – I am grateful, it’s just – “
“The dumpster behind Sans’ store.”
“What?”
“That’s where I tossed it,” Maddy explained. “The dumpster behind Sans’ store. Come on. We’re getting it back.”
“Maddy – “
“Not because you got me with that speech or anything.” She turned around to face him. “And DEFINITELY not because I have anything like that.”
“are we talking about your mew mew kissy cutie anime figurines?” Napstablook said without thinking.
Maddy flinched. “BLOOKY.”
“You…collect Mew Mews?” Mettaton chuckled. “Why am I just learning about thi – “
“BECAUSE IT’S CRINGE, THAT’S WHY,” Maddy snapped back. “And I knew you’d laugh at me. But you know what? No, I’ll say it. If you ever threw out my Sparkle Mew, I’d actually destroy your soul. I’d destroy your soul if you threw out ANY of them, but ESPECIALLY NOT SPARKLE MEW. So come on and let’s go get your dumb TV back.”
She breezed out the door, and Mettaton almost followed – but he hung back just a moment. “Blooky?”
“yeah?” Napstablook replied, quite lost in this whole series of events.
“Thank you for the curtain rod. I’m sure it’s delightful.” This was said with absolute sincerity.
“uh…you’re welcome.”
Then Mettaton was out the door after his cousin.
And it should’ve been an uneventful trip, since they were about to beat the garbage collection truck, after all. All they needed to do was go around back of Sans’ place, dig out Tenna, and assess it for repairs.
At least, that’s what would happen if the world were in order and everything was proceeding as it should.
But it didn’t happen. Because there was some kind of geyser going off in front of the dumpster. A fountain of inky blackness, like the absence of space itself, seeming to absorb whatever light it touched. Making almost a roaring sound.
Mettaton and Maddy had barely enough time to share a synchronized “What in the – “ before the newly-planted Dark Fountain expanded and swallowed them both.
Tenna had two questions when he awoke:
Where was he?
And why in the world would he have his Dark World form again?
Currently, he was lying in the bottom of some sort of rectangular metal well, with low visibility. As he had limbs again, they had to be somewhat bent in order to properly fit – obviously he was projecting at a decent size, taller than the average Darkner, as he would do when in host mode. Shifting one leg, he kicked a small pile of…things of some sort. He couldn’t quite see in the low light.
So he twisted into a sitting position to figure out more. It wasn’t a well so much as a box, actually, and there was a metal lid loosely settled over him, letting in a crack of dim light. (Well, not the type of light from the Light World, but the type that allowed one to see in the Dark World, the type that – you get the idea.) So, reaching up, as anyone would do, he lifted the lid –
And it now became increasingly clear where he was.
In a garbage dumpster.
How could this have happened? He was happy! He had a home! And not just any home. See, when he’d been given to Mettaton and removed from the Dark World (thankfully no longer having to serve even a single minute more as a jester for that ungrateful boor), he’d lost his connection to the Dark and a whole lot of his sentience, but a little spark of awareness remained. He was content to be an inanimate box of wires now, not really craving anything more except to be watched and loved. And in Mettaton’s house…his wish had been fulfilled so deeply that he wasn’t even sure it wasn’t some sort of dream. Maybe the Roaring Knight actually had killed him and he’d ascended to some higher plane, because for once, things were going more right than they ever had been.
That little pink ghost loved television. Loved showbiz, loved movies and acting, loved singing and dancing, and spent most of his free time staring in awe at what Tenna had to show him. It seemed he wanted to be an actor, or a television personality of some sort – and Tenna knew the feeling! – and would act out his fantasies while watching different programs.
Really, acting them out. During game shows, he would call out the answers and pretend to be behind the podiums. During music videos, he would literally sing and dance along, best as he could without limbs, until his cousins told him to shut up. And he’d bring both Napstablook and Maddy to watch alongside him, the three of them stopping their squabbling whenever there was a good movie that captured their attention and reminded them of their familial bond.
It was everything Tenna could have asked for.
Whenever he was turned off, he was asleep, in stasis, but when switched on, he had that small spark inside of him, that fragment of consciousness that allowed him to see out through his screen, the same way the ghost family could see into his. And while he appreciated all three of them, it was Mettaton who had the closest relationship to him. Tenna began to look forward to seeing how Mettaton would react to the programs of the day – laughing along with comedies, crying along with tragedies, miming the actions of hosts he wished he was. That ghost truly loved TV – or at least the pageantry of shows – like no one else Tenna had known. He would even fall asleep on the couch in front of Tenna, leaving the latter on all night, letting Tenna watch him drift away into peaceful dreams flavored by late-night sitcom dialogue.
Which was why, against his better nature, Tenna had been…falling for him. Just a little bit.
Not that he intended to act on it. He was a television, for goodness’ sake. An inanimate object. Sure, there were dating sims out there where that sort of thing wasn’t a problem, but he couldn’t exactly talk back when Mettaton talked to one of the characters on his screen. Nor could he move in response. All he could do was admire whenever Mettaton was in front of his screen, not just watching but actively participating in his own special way, showing off all the theatrical energy he had bottled up inside of him.
But it wasn’t smart, and not just because he couldn’t interact. Because he’d fallen for someone before, someone he thought he’d be inseparable from, someone with endless charm and wit and smooth talk, and that someone had –
That someone wasn’t coming back and that was for the best. Tenna wasn’t sure, if he saw that Darkner again, if he’d want to kiss him or kick him. Maybe both. But even if he showed up in person…well, the Spamton that Tenna knew was gone.
(He had a feeling he did know what that “rat creature” was after all, and it only went to serve his point. Unrecognizable to him. Best he pretend he was still oblivious and not indulge in it. Especially since the creature whose name he actually did know had called him “trash heap,” and for whatever reason, when Tenna had used to respond to that as a term of endearment, that time, it had felt so literal, so much like salt in the wound that had been left by Toriel’s odd mutterings of “I have to get that thing replaced one of these days…” And he realized that he never wanted to be called that again, not once.)
Even now, though they were both wholly different Darkners than who they’d been when they’d met, Tenna couldn’t help but ache over what he’d lost in that bond – and when he hurt, well, he covered it up as best as he could. In this case, with faux hatred. Because those days could never be again, he had made it his mission to hate them so much that eventually he would have to stop missing them. And one day he’d finally have the will to put that stupid clam back outside where she belonged –
All this to say: falling for someone, getting attached like that, was an extremely stupid idea, because you could have everything going for you and it could all fall apart with one ring of the phone. What if Mettaton, one day, received a call that inspired him to shut off his television and throw Tenna out?
…What if that’s what had happened? Because here he was. Thrown out. It must’ve happened while he was off, while he was sleeping. That was the only explanation. No warning. He wasn’t even broken! That, at least, would have been an understandable reason! But no. It seemed Mettaton had just gotten…tired of him. The way Toriel had.
And now he was here. In a dumpster. Thrown away. And in a Dark World, though that part was probably owing to the Roaring Knight.
Well, Ant Tenna didn’t just take betrayal like this lying down! It didn’t matter that this was the latest and greatest in a line of heartbreaks he’d felt when people didn’t want him anymore! It didn’t matter that he had been at his breaking point last time! He was going to hop out of this dumpster, get back out into the Dark World, and –
He collapsed onto the dumpster bottom again and let the lid slam shut, actually.
Shameful. But he didn’t have any fight left in him. Spamton had discarded him, and then Toriel had discarded him, and then Kris and their friends had nearly discarded him, but then, thanks to Susie’s kindness and Mettaton being Mettaton – wonderful, sparkly-eyed, dramatic Mettaton – things were finally going to be different.
But they never were. He was too old, too outdated. Behind the times. Even someone perfectly suited to him didn’t want him in the end. So what was the point, actually? Why even try again when he knew there was no place left for him?
No place but here. In the garbage.
He supposed it had always been inevitable.
And with his confidence, his very sense of self so impacted, the size he projected began to shrink.
“Where…the HELL…are we?”
Maddy had every right to ask that question, seeing as she and Mettaton were now situated on a dirt road in what looked to be a winding labyrinth of intertwined celestial roads crisscrossing over an endless void of all-consuming black. But Mettaton had a question he felt was more important:
“WHAT are we?”
He had a body. Well, not in the sense one might normally think. He was still very much a ghost, possessing a shell. But what a shell it was! Shining silver metal spiked with neon pink, forged in the shape of a curvaceous humanoid body, with long, agile limbs. He raised one of his new hands – it was the most beautiful he’d ever felt. He wished he could see himself in a mirror; he desperately wanted to know what his face looked like.
(If he’d been able to see it just then, the way he looked like an androgynous male model with a flowing dark mane, he would’ve cried from sheer joy.)
And Maddy…there were only two reasons he even recognized her. The first was that obviously, whatever had brought him here had also happened to her, so it made sense they would still be together. The second was that the expression on her new face was just so quintessentially Maddy. Annoyed, somewhat baffled, and impatient for the answers.
She was now discovering her own new form. From what she could see, looking down, it too was humanoid, but it seemed to be made of plastic, more in the vein of a doll than Mettaton’s android body. A feminine shape, traditionally attractive but reasonably proportioned, dressed in ruffly pink.
After staring at her hands for a while, Maddy asked, “What’s my head look like?”
“You have…cat ears?” Mettaton was confused. “I think it’s a cat’s head altogether, really. And pink pigtails.”
Immediately, she knew. “…I’m a MEW MEW figure? Why am I a STINKIN’ Mew Mew figure – “ Then she paused. “No. Wait. This could work. It could WORK!” She lit up. “I’M A MEW MEW FIGURE!”
“You’re…happy about this?” Mettaton was confused. “Or angry?”
“I mean…it’s more like…” She sighed. “I had hoped that when I got a body for real, it would fuse right away. You know? And this one feels like…like it HAS to be the one, when I look at it, but I don’t feel…fused? But I WANT to grow into it. Unlike…well, you know.”
Mettaton remembered the incident with the dummy. No one brought up “Mad Dummy” unless Maddy mentioned it first, and even then, it was best to let her lead that conversation.
“I think I wanna keep it,” she said. “But if I’m not…no. Yeah, I wanna keep it!”
“But what about ME?” Mettaton broke in. “MY face?”
Maddy sighed. “If you saw yourself in a mirror, you’d probably hit on yourself.”
“Oh, I LIKE the sounds of that,” Mettaton purred. Even his voice was better – amplified, augmented, deepened by a technological filter. Now when he spoke, it was heavy and dark and sultry.
“Based on all the pink, I’d say the figurine is probably Mimi Mew herself,” Maddy muttered.
“Since when do you have encyclopedic knowledge on Mew Mew Kissy Cutie?” Mettaton sighed.
“…Alphys showed me ONE EPISODE at her house and I got hooked,” Maddy admitted with a huff. “So I’ve been seeing a few more episodes every time I go visit her and Undyne.”
“I suppose that makes sense. I just didn’t take you for the otaku sort.”
“Oh, shut up, pretty boy. I didn’t take you for wanting to look like a boy band member, but here we are.”
Mettaton chose not to dignify her comment with a response. “I suppose the only thing to do now is try and figure out where we are. We couldn’t be dreaming, could we?”
“Nope,” Maddy huffed. “We’re awake, we’re alive, and we got here through a magic dumpster while trying to get your dumb vintage TV back.”
“What a stellar opening scene to an adventure,” Mettaton realized, throwing one arm out dramatically and turning a pirouette. “Our heroes tumble through an enchanted portal, arriving in a land where they must use their courage and wits to – “
“Okay, seriously, THIS is how you’re going to act when you get a body?” Maddy sighed. “I mean, I’m happy for you and everything and I’m proud of you, but this is gonna get REAL old.”
“I’ve unlocked my true potential,” Mettaton said with a wink. “And I’m happy for you doing it, too.”
It did seem, now that he had a physical form, that all his prior inhibitions had just melted away. He looked how he needed to look. This was what had been inside his heart all along, and now here it was on the outside!
“…And on that note,” Mettaton went on, “you called me a pretty BOY. Minus the sarcasm, I’d prefer you keep doing that.”
“You…wanna be a guy?” Maddy reiterated. “Not judging! Just asking.”
“Yes. It feels…perfect.”
“Then I wanna be a girl,” Maddy muttered.
“You know, that’s a little surprising.”
She flinched, bristling like an actual cat. “WHY? Because I get angry all the time? That’s not FEMININE enough for you?”
Mettaton realized his mistake, because he’d been thinking exactly that, and it was wrong. He wasn’t exactly the most masculine he/him on the planet at that very moment. (Presuming they were still on the planet.) “Ah, you’re right. My apologies. You make a lovely girl. And a lovelier feline.”
“One more thing,” Maddy said, almost inaudibly. “Um. Don’t laugh.”
“I can make no promises.”
“If I get to be someone else in this weird dimension,” she muttered, “I wanna change my name.”
“To?”
“…”
“If you’re embarrassed to say it, then I NEED to know it.”
“Mew Mew,” she finally spat out. “Can you just – call me Mew Mew for however long we’re going to spend in the weird zone? I wanna see how it feels.”
Mettaton really, really wanted to make fun of her for picking such an otaku name, but he knew well that they were both experiencing revelations here, finding out who they wanted to be and who they’d been all along, and so he held his tongue. For now. “Well then, Mew Mew. It seems we are at the beginning of a grand adventure.”
“That or we went to Hell.”
“And there’s only one thing for a main character like me to do in this situation,” Mettaton went on. “Forge ahead with my loyal sidekick – “
“YOU’RE the main? Please.”
“And find out what we need in order to complete this…this coming-of-age tale,” he said. “Or coming-of-gender, more accurately.”
He set out walking on the dirt road. He noticed, for the first time, that his feet were molded in the shape of high heels – actual heels! Gorgeous, glamorous, delicate!
Mew Mew followed. From the sounds of her footsteps, she was wearing ballet flats with something jingly attached. What Mettaton didn’t see was the smile that kept bursting onto her face when she heard the little jingles, only for her to force it back down, because she didn’t want to admit that a silly little noise could make her that happy.
Onward they proceeded, through the winding maze of dirt roads, until they all began to converge into one larger road. Finally, something was visible in the distance, and they hastened toward it, hoping it was civilization.
It was dumpsters.
Seemingly hundreds and hundreds of dumpsters, laid out in a labyrinthine pattern. All identical, save for the different rust patches and the different contents peeking out from their lids.
“It’s a garbage dimension,” Mew Mew said flatly. Then she aimed a kick at the nearest piece of loose litter, a can with a half-attached lid jaggedly opened. “IT’S A STINKIN’ GARBAGE DIMENSION!”
“Well, I suppose we have to make the best of what we’re working with,” Mettaton sighed. Then it struck him: “You don’t suppose…”
“What?”
“They’re all the same model of the one we fell through. Now, this is just a guess, but if I were writing a movie with this sort of plot – “
“And you’re not. This isn’t a movie.”
“I would say that to return home, we have to find what we originally came for,” Mettaton concluded. He snapped his fingers – finally, he could physically do that! “Tenna!”
“…You’re joking.”
“No, we came here because we were looking for Tenna, and we didn’t find him. It. We didn’t find it. So perhaps if we do manage to locate that which was lost, we will find our way home, and find ourselves along the way!”
“That has to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.”
“Well, you can correct me when you’ve got a better idea.” Mettaton moved to the first dumpster, lifting the lid. Good thing he was all metal and wires, because if he’d been able to smell what was inside, he’d probably have passed out. He flinched when he saw the goop and crust in the bin, leaking from black plastic bags. “Eurgh…”
“So your idea is to look for your TV in the dumpsters,” Mew Mew reiterated, “but you don’t want to actually touch the dumpsters.”
“Again, the only reason for you not to assist me is if you think you know ANY quicker way to find our way through.”
“Damn it…” Mew Mew stormed over to the next dumpster. She was only going to play along until she did, in fact, think of a better idea about what this place wanted out of them. (Because obviously, just finding their way to the other side of the dumpster maze wasn’t going to cut it. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she’d seen a lot of movies in this genre before. Getting to the end was never the goal. You always had to figure something else out. Like finding your baby brother or telling the king he has no power over you.)
And, deep down, she knew that this was her fault for throwing out Ten – for throwing out that old television her cousin was obsessed with. If she put it right, that might solve the entire situation.
Dumpster by dumpster they went, lifting lids and lowering them, finding plenty of moldy food and discarded household items and used tissues but no TV set.
“Oh, Mew Mew, watch out!” Mettaton said suddenly. “You’re about to slip on a – “
Mew Mew didn’t hear his warning in time and stepped on a banana peel that had fallen from one of the dumpsters. She ended up flat on her back while the peel shot forward, ahead of them in the aisle.
She was about to complain that it had hurt her pride and, somehow, her plastic, but then she looked up and saw that the peel had…altered itself. It had twisted up and become larger, and all of a sudden, in its place stood a hunched (banana-shaped?) old woman wearing a yellow shawl that was distinctly banana-peel-shaped.
“What do you think you’re doing, young missy?” the woman snapped. “You apologize right this minute!”
“Do what she says, Mew…” Mettaton whispered.
But Mew Mew had had enough. She stomped back into a standing position, snarling, “I am SO SICK of people telling me to apologize for things I did wrong BY ACCIDENT! IT’S NOT LIKE I MEANT IT!”
“Someone oughta teach you whippersnappers a lesson!” said the banana woman. “Looks like that’s going to have to be me, Nana Peele!”
“Whippersnappers, plural?” Mettaton was taken aback. “I’m not the one who stepped on you!”
“Do NOT throw me under the bus!” Mew Mew snapped at him.
Nana Peele had pulled out a pair of knitting needles attached to a long yellow scarf. Then, with very little warning, she thrust them toward Mew Mew.
Mew Mew knew she had to dodge, but she was just a bit too slow –
Mettaton gasped in horror as her head hit the ground, separated from her body, and rolled to his feet with a clackety-clack.
“Mew…Maddy…” he gasped. “If I’d known it would end like this, then I would have – “
He saw her smile.
“Oh, you’re still alive in there.”
“No, no, finish that sentence, dweeb.”
But he wouldn’t, so Mew Mew picked up her own head and screwed it back on. “Anyway, that’s IT!” She was suddenly engulfed in a beam of light, levitating into the air, and her clothes were changing to an even pinker and rufflier dress as a magical rod materialized in her hand, glowing like a star.
“So that’s what a Magical Girl transformation feels like…” She was giddy as she touched the ground. “Anyway…”
She began to swing the rod left and right, casting pink projectiles at Nana Peele. “EAT THIS! EAT MY ATTACK! EAT MY DUST! EAT BANANA! EAT YOURSELF! EAT A SERVING OF VEGETABLES AT EVERY MEAL ‘CAUSE IT’S GOOD FOR YOU!”
Nana Peele, despite appearing to be feeble, was a slippery thing, and managed to dodge every single one of Mew Mew’s anime spells. “You’re going to regret that, Missy!” she snapped as she tossed out a handful of miniature banana peels to make the ground slippery.
“WHOA!” Mew Mew staggered, stumbled, and slipped again. She hit the ground, and her head rolled away a second time. “Grrr…”
“All right, let ME do it.” Mettaton swaggered forth. The Dark World had granted him legs, and he was going to use them for their intended purpose.
He pirouetted toward Nana Peele, bringing a hard kick down over her head; “If you think you can outshine THIS star – “
And she dodged again. “Kids these days and their dreams of stardom,” she grumbled. “Why doesn’t anybody want a more respectable career? Like sundom or moondom?”
“You haven’t BEGUN to see how I can sparkle!” Mettaton called out as he attempted a roundhouse kick that, once again, missed. Behind him, Mew Mew’s headless body was feeling around for her rolling head.
It seemed this was going to take a while.
There was a commotion, an aisle or maybe two over from where Tenna was nestled in his dumpster. Someone had gotten into a fight.
“Sounds like something worth broadcasting,” he muttered to himself glumly and sarcastically. “If only there was a working TV around to do that.”
Well, it didn’t matter, because he had his territory now. His own dumpster. And it was all his! He was the most famous person inside these four walls! Who cared that there was literally no audience? Who cared that he had become roughly the size of a human child and hadn’t really been able to figure out how to slow his decline? This was his home now, and nobody could take that away from him!
The voices in combat seemed to be an old woman and a younger, angrier girl. But then a third voice boomed out: “If you think you can outshine THIS star – “
Wait. No, it couldn’t be…
“You haven’t BEGUN to see how I can sparkle!”
That was Mettaton’s voice. Unmistakable. What he was doing here in a Dark World, Tenna didn’t understand, but there was a lot about this situation that he didn’t understand. And while it definitely was Mettaton, he was now speaking with the swagger he usually saved for playacting in front of the television. Out in public? Well, it was a Dark World, and that did tend to bring out the hidden sides of Lightners.
But it meant this could all be cleared up here and now! Tenna stood up, ready to throw the lid open. He would just go over there, explain to Mettaton that he was a sentient being who belonged in that house, and –
…and be confronted by the fact that he’d still been thrown out in the first place, and even if he were allowed back into the house, it would just be out of guilt or pity.
He sat back down in the middle of the dumpster. “You know, I don’t need him,” he muttered. “I’ve never needed a partner, and really, an audience is just a formality when you think about it.”
(No, it wasn’t.)
And he dared not make any other noise that could give away his position to the very Lightner that was looking for him.
“I…HAVE HAD…ENOUGH!”
After Nana Peele made a fool out of Mew Mew for far too long, dodging her orange and blue projectiles, Mew Mew decided it was the last straw.
“I’M SICK OF YOU DODGING MY ATTACKS!” she screamed as she sent a hail of magic (that was all easily dodged). “I’M TIRED OF YOU CALLING ME WHIPPERSNAPPER AND OTHER DEROGATORY YOUNGER-GENERATION NAMES! AND MOST OF ALL, I’M TIRED – OF YOUR STUPID – KNITTING! YOU’RE NOT EVEN DOING IT RIGHT!”
She feinted, dodged, surged forward, and probably could’ve struck a killing blow had she not decided instead that she was hellbent on grabbing the knitting needles and adding a few rows to the scarf, which had begun to look rather lopsided.
Nana Peele gasped, then held up the scarf. There was now a pink heart design in it that Mew Mew had placed. (Odd, since Nana Peele only had yellow yarn.) “Why…thank you, young missy!”
“AND ANOTHER – huh?”
“This just looks so darling!” Nana Peele said. “Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe it’s not the children who are wrong after all. I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused.”
“What in the – “
She reached out to scritch Mew Mew behind the ears.
“Whoa, no, stop,” Mew Mew grumbled. “I actually like that. Don’t make me not be mad at you anymore!”
Mettaton was laughing semi-politely with one hand over his mouth.
“You go be a good girl now, dear,” Nana Peele said. “And if you ever need to call on me for anything, I’ll be there! Anyone who gives you lip will have to face la cáscara de plátano!” And with that, she vanished in a cloud of glitter that smelled distinctly banana-y.
Mettaton then decided to stop being polite and absolutely guffaw. “Oh, that is TOO good!”
“Shut up,” Mew Mew muttered. “She actually complimented me and liked when I added pink to something. I…that makes me feel…weird.” She turned to Mettaton. “What’s happening to my face right now? It feels like it’s melting upwards.”
“You’re smiling,” Mettaton told her.
“So this is what it feels like,” Mew Mew said. “Then this weird feeling in me, like my heart is beating fast…”
“Is this actually the FIRST TIME you’ve felt happy?” Mettaton snickered. “Oh, doesn’t THAT just track – “
“I’ve been happy!” Mew Mew spat. “This is just the first time I feel…I dunno.” Her voice became quiet. “Loved.”
Mettaton was about to make fun of that, but then the full implications sank in. “…Oh. Don’t you…feel loved in our household?”
“Yes!” Mew Mew said quickly. “But…sometimes I wish it was better, you know? Like, I try to be myself and you and Blooky just think I’m too angry. And I try to do ONE nice thing for you and it turns into all this.”
There was a silence. Then Mettaton broke it, knowing he had to put some things right: “Well, you are angry a lot of the time, which is why I suppose Blooky and I assume you don’t WANT anyone around you. But…we obviously guessed wrongly.”
“I could’ve put out clearer signals,” said Mew Mew. “But you know that being mad at people is how I show affection, right?”
“…Well, I do now,” Mettaton realized. “I suppose I…owe you an apology for making you feel unappreciated. I haven’t exactly done my best trying to reach out.”
“No, you’ve got your own stuff going on,” Mew Mew sighed. “You’re trying to find yourself and everything. And I know you and Blooky do love me, it’s just…maybe I don’t let myself feel it? Could that be it?”
She gasped, all of a sudden. “You DO love me. And so does that banana grandma. And…I love being loved.”
Then she stumbled back, nearly falling over.
“What?” Mettaton asked.
“I just fused with this body!” Mew Mew cried triumphantly. “I JUST FUSED! THIS IS ME! I’M MEW MEW FOREVER NOW! I don’t get it! What did I do different?”
“Well, you used an emotion other than anger for once,” Mettaton said. “Which I say teasingly because I hold affection for your particular brand of brooding.”
“You know, I like when you’re more confident,” Mew Mew said. “You don’t hold as much back. I wish we could both keep these bodies when we went back.”
“I don’t know,” Mettaton teased, slightly singsong. “I might get too confident and decide to become a killer robot bent on slaying humanity.”
“Why do I feel like that’s ACTUALLY something you’d do?”
“Well, obviously not,” Mettaton huffed, “but maybe in another life. And only if I could make a good show out of it.”
“I still wanna help you find your TV, though,” Mew Mew said. “It was my fault.”
“Oh, I’m not leaving here without him,” Mettaton said.
“Good. Then we’re on the same…page.” Mew Mew’s eyes widened. “Hey.”
“What now?”
“That banana peel was alive in here. What if when we find…” She shook her head. “No, that’d be TOO crazy. Let’s just keep moving.”
And so they did. On and on, opening dumpster after dumpster.
Actually, they had quite the adventure in the Dark World – one in which they befriended many quirky characters after many a battle in which the true solution was not to fight but to find a way to show neighborly love. There may even have been a boss encounter involved, but that’s not the point of this story.
The point of this story is the anthropomorphic television set who was still lying at the bottom of his pity dumpster. Ant Tenna was now pretty much the size of a literal ant, and he tried to convince himself he didn’t care.
Which made it difficult to process when he started hearing the lids of his aisle being opened. “He has to be here,” Mettaton was muttering loudly. “He’s here SOMEWHERE, I know it…”
He? Who was Mettaton looking for that could be a “he”? Not…Tenna himself? No. Mettaton had thrown him out! Did he regret it? Well, Tenna wasn’t going to forgive him!
He really, really wanted to forgive him.
But the damage was done. How could he ever trust Mettaton again? After chucking him into the garbage, chucking him into an entire Dark World in fact, one he wasn’t even native to –
And then a horrible realization occurred. He wasn’t native to this Dark World. He’d come from the TV studio formerly known as the Purple Cliffs. He was now in a completely different Dark World. Darkners who spent too long in a Dark World they didn’t belong to turned to stone.
He was going to petrify.
A surge of panic rushed through him. Did he really want to just turn to stone without giving Mettaton a piece of his mind (and maybe letting down his walls and saying how he really felt)? Did he want to let his insistence on doing things on his terms prevent him from taking one last chance to reconnect with the last monster he still had in his life?
No.
Of course, with all the low mood he’d had, he’d shrunken considerably, and adding fear on top of that wasn’t enough to give him the mojo to grow again. When he started yelling – “HEY! DOWN HERE!” – it came out high, squeaky, and probably inaudible to normal-sized monster ears.
Oh, no. There was no way Mettaton would hear him, not like this, and no matter how much he willed himself to become his usual size, his heart wasn’t in it. But he really, really needed to speak to Mettaton, just once at least! The sound of opening lids was getting closer – he had to be noticed!
Then in came the light. Mettaton pried open the lid of the dumpster that contained Tenna, looked inside, and of course didn’t even see him because he was just that small.
(Oh, my, Mettaton surely looked different down here. The Dark World had been very kind to him when picking out a physical form. It was right for him, of course, and Tenna recognized him immediately, by the eyes. Dark Worlds usually give you the form that best fits your inner self. Tenna should’ve guessed that his inner self was even more beautiful than the ghost form. But there wasn’t time to think about that now!)
“NUMBER ONE FAN!” Tenna yelled, waving furiously.
But it was no use. Mettaton started to close the lid –
In desperation, Tenna yelled “~DON’T CHANGE THAT CHANNEL!~”. The words came out colorful, bombastic.
Mettaton paused, looking back inside. “I swear I heard something.”
Tenna had to work fast. He scaled the pile of broken toys and household goods that was nearest to the front of the dumpster. With speed mustered by pure desperation, he scrambled to the lip of the garbage container, then onto Mettaton’s hand, then scrambled up onto his shoulder –
“I guess not,” Mettaton sighed, closing the lid.
“Hang on.” Mew Mew reached out toward him. “You have some kind of bug on you. I’ll…”
Tenna’s heart nearly stopped as she moved to swat him away. But she paused, because she noticed, her eyes becoming wide as dinner plates. “Oh my God. Mettaton.”
“What now?” Mettaton was already on the next dumpster, not even concerned about the “bug” on him.
“The bug,” Mew Mew said. “It’s actually a tiny little guy, and he’s shaped kinda…like…your…TV.”
“THAT’S BECAUSE I AM HIS TV!” Tenna yelled squeakily. “YOU KNOW ME! YOU ~LOVE~ ME!”
Mettaton dropped the lid he had open, stumbling backward with a gasp. He tried to pivot his head to look at his own shoulder, but instead decided to put out a hand in front of it, letting the small creature jump into his palm. Then he raised his hand for a better look.
“Tenna?” he gasped. “Is that…you? You’re ALIVE here?”
“THE ONE AND ONLY!” Tenna replied.
“Oh, Tenna, I’ve been looking EVERYWHERE for you!” Mettaton said with a massive grin. (Well, maybe it only seemed massive because Tenna was so small, but it was a pretty big grin.)
“You have?” Tenna repeated. Oh, right, his voice was too quiet. “YOU HAVE? BUT YOU THREW ME OUT!”
“Threw you out?” Mettaton gasped. “No! I NEVER wanted to do that!”
“Did he just say he was mad because you threw him out?” Mew Mew asked.
Mettaton shot her a glare.
Mew Mew was horror-struck. “Uh…sorry,” she murmured. “That wasn’t him. That…was me. He didn’t want you gone. In fact, the only reason we came here is because he was trying to get you back.”
“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PUT ME IN THE GARBAGE?” Tenna yelled incredulously.
“She is,” Mettaton replied, “but she claims to be sorry. I don’t know, do YOU think we should forgive her?” The tone was sardonic yet teasing.
“YOU MEAN YOU NEVER WANTED TO THROW ME AWAY, NOT EVEN ONCE?” Tenna reiterated toward Mettaton. Forgiving Mew Mew was a secondary agenda; he really wanted to talk about this first!
“Of course I didn’t!” Mettaton said. “You’re special, don’t you know? The way Kris and Susie brought you into my life, it was such a strange event that I’m certain it was destiny! Un…unless…” His eyes widened. “Unless they KNEW all along that there was a soul inside of you, and they already knew that soul would be happiest with ME! The way I was when they brought you to me!”
And hearing that was all Tenna needed. Positive emotions of all sorts, joy and relief and the kind of sadness you feel when you reflect on what you’ve almost lost but know you never lost it, surged through his body, and –
Suddenly, he wasn’t a little bug in Mettaton’s hand. He was double Mettaton’s height, proclaiming, “I feel ~LARGER THAN LIFE~ again!”
Mettaton and Mew Mew were both struck silent. Then, when Mettaton spoke again, it was a low purr, “Oh, HELLO, beautiful.”
“Oh my God.” Mew Mew sank her face into both hands. Because of course the TV had to turn out to be hot, and of course her cousin had to be into it. What else would make sense at this point?
“Pleased to formally make your acquaintance!” Tenna extended a hand downward. “Mr. Ant Tenna, at your service, bringing you entertainment of all flavors, from the ~SAUCY~ to the ~WHIMSICAL~ and beyond! Such a pleasure to finally speak to my favorite viewer, my number one fan, the audience that gives me a reason to keep putting on a show!”
Mettaton was about ready to swoon. “You mean this whole time, you’ve been alive, watching me watch you?”
“You know it! And I gotta say, I’ve never known an audience as PARTICIPATORY as you! You sing along, you dance along, you answer all the quiz questions!”
“What can I say?” Mettaton replied. “I love TV. And I’m especially grateful now that I know it was you bringing all of that to me.”
Tenna was now blushing, his screen gone pinkish. “Aw, shucks, you don’t mean it! …Tell me you mean it.”
“You always were special to me, even before I knew you were alive,” Mettaton said. “And now – now this has a whole new context to it, doesn’t it!”
“You know, Metta – can I call you Metta?” Tenna said.
“You can call me whatever you like,” Mettaton said in a sultry tone. Unsure if Tenna actually found him in any way attractive, but this was the Dark World and he had newfound confidence. He might as well flirt, right?
“I normally wouldn’t pour my heart out like this to just anybody,” Tenna said, “but you were there for me at my lowest low, when no one else was. You’re the one I look forward to morning, noon, and night, and not just because whoever’s on the couch is literally all I can look at when I’m in the Light World! Though that’s still a factor, don’t get me wrong. And there’s something you gotta know about this place. The Dark Worlds, they’re where all that’s inanimate in the Light World gains a form and a soul! You know, like when you’re trying to sleep and you think that in the dark, that pile of clothes in your room looks like another monster, but the unfriendly kind?”
“That happens to me ALL the time!” Mettaton said, beaming.
“Well, down here, it’s even darker than that, so the things that look alive ARE alive!” Tenna went on. “But there’s this rule. I didn’t make it. I just have to stick to it. When folks from one Dark World go to another and stay for too long, well, they just don’t belong, and then the next thing you know, they turn into beautiful and seductive yet very inanimate stone statues. Well, I’m not from here, you know? I came from a different Dark World first before I got dropped off in your lovely home! So I don’t know how much time I have left, but it isn’t much.”
“…Oh.” Mettaton looked absolutely crushed.
“Now don’t worry!” Tenna said quickly. “When we leave here – or when a certain Fun Gang of heroes seals the Dark Fountain that made this place – I’m gonna be your TV again, just like old times, and I’ll be conscious again, even though I won’t be this attractive or be able to communicate! The petrification will all be reversed! It just means that whatever time I have left, I gotta use it to say what has to be said! To deliver the dramatic emotional climax of the episode, because otherwise, we’re gonna leave on a cliffhanger – “
“And NO ONE wants that,” Mettaton finished for him. “Not if it won’t be resolved!”
“See? You get it!” Tenna affirmed. Then he went down onto one knee to be able to look Mettaton more directly in the face. He probably could’ve just re-projected himself to be Mettaton’s height instead, but this felt a little more personal. “Metta. I gotta tell ya. When I was dropped off at your house, I had more broken parts than what you fixed up. The mechanic could fix up my antenna and my screen, but not my heart. It was shattered into all these little pieces, like…like static snow!”
“Oh, dear, I never knew!” Mettaton replied.
(Mew Mew had just sat down pretzel-style, because she could sense that whatever this was, it was going to take a while.)
“But then you started to watch me and cheer for me and…well…heh…” Tenna’s screen grew pinker. “I just forgot about all that. Well, not completely, because who ever does? But I wanted to think about you instead. How much you loved the shows I could show to you. How much you loved ME…in, y’know, the normal way a TV owner loves his inanimate object! I told myself it was a bad idea, but I…well…all right, I’ll just come out and say it, I fell ~HEAD OVER HEELS~ for you!”
“You…you did?” Mettaton was awestruck. If his metal face would have allowed for blushing, he would have been a shade of magenta to far outdo Tenna’s. “You…fell for me…just watching me watch you?”
“Kinda creepy, but you do you, I guess,” Mew Mew muttered. She was ignored.
“And I know that’s not gonna mean anything when we get back to the Light World,” Tenna went on, “but I need you to know before I can’t say anything – when I thought you threw me out, it was the worst day of my entire existence, because you’re the light of my life, the TV star in my sky, ten million times better than your average mailman, and when you get back home, Metta, I just know that you can make it big if you put your mind to it, because you – “
He was suddenly cut off when Mettaton surged forward and kissed him, one hand pressing to either side of his monitor. Technically, Tenna didn’t have to stop talking – his mouth and in fact his entire face were projections on his screen, and could move independently regardless of what was touching the glass. However, he’d broadcast enough romances to know that when someone kisses you, you shut up.
Mew Mew just rolled her eyes.
Then Mettaton broke the kiss for just a moment, backing away just enough, and Tenna said “I had no idea – “
“Did you MISS the part where I started flirting with you the moment I saw your true form?” Mettaton urged. “I know we may only have TRULY known each other for a day – “
“Ten minutes tops,” said Mew Mew.
“But is that not more than enough time for lovers to know what’s true?” Mettaton urged.
“No comment,” Mew Mew muttered.
“I…you…but I’m gonna be inanimate when we get back to the Light World!” Tenna urged. “And a statue in…well, any time now! And if we do this…I’ve been thrown away before, you know…”
“I would NEVER throw you away,” Mettaton said with as much husky passion as he could muster for the occasion. “And even if we cannot speak, my love…”
Mew Mew buried her face in her hands and gave a muffled scream.
“Our hearts will always be bound,” Mettaton finished. “Yours and mine.”
In truth, though he was saying a lot of things very early on in the game – it still didn’t quite feel like he and Tenna had only just met. Fate – or a knowing Susie, rather – had brought them together. They’d been living together for a long time now. And now…Mettaton understood the real reason why he’d always felt less lonely whenever he had decided to sit down in front of the television. And whenever he’d been aimlessly flipping channels, always managing to just fortuitously stumble upon whatever exact program he needed to see at any given moment…that had never been luck, had it? It had been Tenna.
They’d known each other for quite some time now, and Mettaton was glad to finally realize the depths of how close they’d become. Even if he hadn’t quite known before now that it could have been any sort of interpersonal bond at all.
And it was with that in mind – all the moments they’d shared, either alone together in the living room or with the rest of the ghost family hanging out; all the things Tenna had shown Mettaton, and how much he’d loved all of them; the way Tenna had already said that his favorite things about Mettaton were the parts that came right from his soul – that Mettaton kissed him again.
Tenna wrapped him up in a giant embrace, pulling him close, and as Mettaton reached up to do the same, Tenna thought about perhaps re-projecting to a smaller size just for the purpose of Mettaton actually being able to reach around him – only for them both to be surprised that Mettaton’s robotic arms could, in fact, stretch to double length. More than enough to wrap around the shoulders of the larger-than-life-size version of Tenna.
So Tenna, gripped by those arms and a whim, stood up to full height, picking Mettaton up off the ground, literally sweeping him off his feet. And though their kiss kept them connected, Tenna could still hear an excited giggle from back in Mettaton’s speakers as a result.
They probably would have stayed like that for a lot longer (to Mew Mew’s annoyance) had a creaky old voice not broken in: “Excuse me, sonny, but did I hear you properly, that you’re afraid of petrifying in this world?”
Tenna and Mettaton broke the kiss mutually this time so Tenna could look down at Nana Peele and, first of all, wonder when she’d gotten there. His second order of business was to say “Well, yes, since I’m not FROM this Dark World. Actually, that petrification seems a long time delayed, come to think of it – “
“Well, you might’ve existed in another Dark World first,” Nana Peele said, “but the Fountain was made while you were in the garbage, meaning you ARE part of the garbage. On a technicality, that means you ARE native to this world. There’s no petrification coming, so don’t you worry your staticky little head! Kids these days, not even bothering to know the logistics of the Dark World…”
“Who’re you calling a kid?” Tenna said indignantly. “I’ll have you know that I am VINTAGE, thank you very much! …Maybe even a little too vintage. What am I in TV years, middle age? Past that? I don’t even know how to count!”
“Oh, nonsense!” Mettaton scoffed. “You were built long after I was born, by my count. You may be more mature, but I’ve certainly existed longer, so I would call that an even break. Besides, I LIKE my men more mature.”
(He had only liked one man in this way to this degree, which meant that anything about Tenna was an indication of his type, since Tenna just was the definition of his type.)
“But think of the wonderful news we’ve received!” Mettaton went on. “You won’t turn to stone! Do you know what this MEANS?”
“It means you’re dorks.” Mew Mew had gotten up to approach the pair. She then lightly punched Tenna to get his attention – though the height difference meant she could only really hit his thigh. “You. We need to talk.”
The spell of romance was broken as a surge of anger washed over Tenna. “Oh, I’LL say we do,” he hissed down at her.
“Do you know the mouth on your screen gets little fangs when you’re mad?” Mettaton fawned. “It’s so adorable!”
“Metta,” Tenna said as he slowly set Mettaton down, “I have some BUSINESS to wrap up with your cousin.”
“She tends to have that effect on people,” Mettaton said casually. Not in the least surprised, really.
“YOU.” Tenna loomed over Mew Mew. “You’re the one who THREW ME AWAY.”
“Damn right I am.” Mew Mew brought out her magic staff. “And you know what I have to say about that?”
“Oh, no, DON’T,” Mettaton said in a panic. “Reconsider!” Couldn’t he weaponize their mutual love for him to stop the fight? Napstablook always made it look so easy when he was getting Mettaton and Mew Mew to settle down…
“Let…me…finish,” Mew Mew hissed.
“Oh, I’d just LOVE to hear what you have to say!” Tenna’s fangs were on full display.
Mew Mew then struck a dramatic battle pose with her staff and absolutely bellowed –
“I’M SORRY!”
She then maneuvered through a series of equally dramatic battle poses, swinging her staff left and right, as she continued –
“I MESSED UP! AND I DON’T LIKE ADMITTING IT! I SHOULDN’T HAVE THROWN YOU OUT! I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE AN ENTIRE GUY! I DESERVE PUNISHMENT! BUT I DON’T WANT IT! SO FORGIVE ME! OR DON’T! IT’S REALLY UP TO YOU! BUT I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME! BECAUSE I’M REALLY REALLY SORRY! I DIDN’T KNOW IT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL SO TERRIBLE!”
“I…what?” Tenna hadn’t expected this. Not the apology, and not the oddly fierce way in which it was being delivered. It took a little while of her ranting before it sank in, but then he was left with no other path but to accept the truth: that she really did regret it. “Okay, okay, you can take five. I’ll forgive you. This once. ~WINK.~”
Mew Mew lowered the staff, slumping. “Seriously. If I had any idea you were alive…do you have any idea how messed up it is? Especially now that you’re my cousin’s boyfriend. I threw my cousin’s boyfriend in the trash and somehow I get the feeling he is NEVER GOING TO LET ME FORGET THIS.”
“No, I’m really not,” Mettaton said with a smirk.
“But that’s the thing about our family!” Mew Mew went on. “We don’t throw anyone away. No matter how vintage or scuffed they are…or how obnoxious…or angry or combative they are…”
“Why am I picking up a distinct thread of self-projection here?” Tenna teased.
“We just don’t throw anyone out,” Mew Mew said. “That’s it. It won’t happen again.”
Tenna reached out a hand toward her, and she flinched before he just patted her on the head. “Good kitty!”
She grumbled something about how he didn’t have the right to call her that even if she did really like it.
“That’s really what we are, isn’t it?” Tenna said. “One big happy family…I’m…I’m getting emotional…” He dabbed at his screen, which was bone-dry because he couldn’t actually cry tears. “You have no idea how much you all mean to me…you’ll pass this on to Napstablook, right? Kinda weird that they’re not here…”
“Yeah, I’ll tell ‘em,” Mew Mew grumbled.
“I could just…COME HERE, YOU TWO!”
Tenna now picked up both Mettaton and Mew Mew, one for each arm, and squeezed them close. Mettaton laughed with joy, nuzzling into it, while Mew Mew literally gave a caterwaul of surprise and tried to claw her way out. (But not too sharply, because maybe there was a part of her that liked this too.)
“Darling, welcome to the family, officially!” Mettaton said. “Even though you’ve been a long-established part of it.”
“If we’re done with the sappy stuff,” Mew Mew hissed, “can we focus on finding a way OUT of here?”
“Oh, must we?” Mettaton pouted. “When we go back to our world, then Tenna won’t be able to speak anymore, and there’s so much I want to ask…”
“Well, we currently have no plan, so ask him on the road,” Mew Mew said. “But we are NOT staying down here forever. I wanna go home.”
“And, sad as it’ll be to lose the art of conversation, I also want to go back home,” Tenna said quite sincerely. “Though while I HAVE the voice, I have more than a few questions for you too…”
“Good, then you two can bond while we figure out this neverending maze of garbage!” Mew Mew said. “Now PUT ME DOWN!”
She was dropped onto the ground. To add insult to injury, when she hit it, there was something slippery beneath her, and she went skidding until she banged into a metal dumpster wall. Complaining under her breath at top speed, she rolled over to see what she’d slipped on.
It was the yellow scarf with the pink heart. Nana Peele herself was nowhere to be found. “Where’d the old lady go?” Mew Mew wondered aloud.
“I’d say it looks like she…” Tenna began.
Mettaton joined him for the punchline: “SLIPPED AWAY!”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahaha.” Mew Mew picked up the scarf, flipping it around her neck. (Fortunately, its texture wasn’t slippery when she was actually wearing it.) “Anyway, I’m equipping this for a stat boost. I can already feel my defenses getting stronger.”
“Oh, who needs DEFENSES?” Mettaton scoffed.
“With that attitude,” Mew Mew taunted, “you WILL die to something incredibly pathetic. Like a toddler with a toy knife.”
“In what universe would THAT happen?” Tenna replied.
“Like I said.” Mew Mew set off down the aisle. “Walk and talk.”
Tenna sheepishly set Mettaton down. Mettaton, however, reached back up to take his hand. Now Tenna actually did project himself to a smaller size, just so Mettaton didn’t have to reach up so high for them to hold hands. They walked in synchrony behind Mew Mew, and Tenna asked, “So, if you had to pick a FAVORITE show – “
“That’s like asking me to pick a favorite child!”
“But if you HAD to.”
“Ohh, hmm, well, I’ve always fantasized about being the host of a cooking show, and the ones I’ve seen on you played no small part in that. But then again, there was one particularly romantic film with an operatic sequence that I adored. You know the one.”
“Sure do. You cried at it.”
“Who wouldn’t? Oh, but let’s not forget how underappreciated the local news is! I’m always impressed by the figures cut by the anchors. Especially the puff pieces.”
“How do you feel about the weather broadcast? I’m friends with the rain and shine that make that segment happen, you know!”
“You KNOW the weather broadcast? How wonderful! Oh, I’m rambling on so much about myself, aren’t I? Not that I don’t love doing so. But what about you, beautiful? What have been your favorite things to show me? What would you want me to see that I haven’t seen yet?”
And so an indeterminate amount of time passed with the trio trying to find anything that might lead them back home. Mew Mew led the charge while Tenna and Mettaton asked each other questions, largely revolving around each other’s favorite styles of entertainment. Which, granted, made up most of their personalities, so those were actually deeply intimate questions.
“I mean, I AM the television, so I love almost everything I broadcast,” Tenna said to cap off a very long list of waxing poetical about favorite programs. “Though I’ll be honest: those reality shows that end in screaming matches? Not my favorite. Half of them are scripted but won’t admit it, and what’s the point of a well-written drama pretending there’s no script? And the other half aren’t, which is just depressing, if you ask me!”
“Oh, I hate to say it, but I’m rather addicted to those,” Mettaton said.
“I’ve noticed.” Tenna smiled.
“I just LIVE for drama, no matter the form!” Mettaton went on. “And at the end of the day, it’s their lives and not mine, and as callous as it may sound, it makes me happier that my own house has…LESS drama than theirs, at least.”
“You know, I can respect that,” Tenna replied. “And don’t worry about being callous. I’m sure you’re not the one here with the longest list of sins! …Eheheh. Ahah.”
“Oh, I’m sure your friends have already forgiven you for that neverending-game-show schtick,” Mettaton said casually. “Meanwhile, I once had a dream that I was hosting a cooking show and pulled out a chainsaw to extract the soul of my guest chef to use as an ingredient, and I couldn’t tell you WHAT that says about me.”
“You? Chainsaw somebody apart for entertainment? Metta, I already know you couldn’t! But even if you did, well…you’d play the part of the villain well. Not saying I WANT you to go killer mode with a chainsaw – “
“No, no, I understand completely. And I agree. I think I WOULD play that role well. Oh, Tenna, isn’t this wonderful? Even when we disagree, we’re getting along so well!”
“Not that I was nervous about it myself,” Tenna said (they both knew that he had been extremely nervous), “but Metta, baby, talking to you makes me feel like…”
Like he’d felt with Spamton? Like he’d felt in the Dreemurr house, broadcasting for a Dreemurr–Holiday Movie Night as positive emotions intermingled with the static of his reception? No, both, or somewhere in-between.
“…like I’m home,” Tenna finished, a little less confidently than he’d spoken before.
“Oh, darling, that’s because my home IS your home!” Mettaton promised. “And it always will be! I promise to never, EVER abandon you! You’ll always have a place with me.”
And as foolish as Tenna knew it was to trust that…he trusted that. Because he knew Mettaton meant it.
They walked together, hand in hand, quietly for a moment before Tenna turned his attention to the one leading the charge: “Say, Maddy – “
“It’s Mew Mew down here,” she said coldly.
“Mew Mew, huh? Guess that isn’t surprising, given the reruns I catch you watching on the late anime broadcast!”
“You’ve been watching M.M.K.C. at our HOUSE, too?” Mettaton chuckled.
“No secrets from the TV,” Mew Mew grumbled.
“I just…didn’t know you enjoyed anime so much,” Mettaton said, trying to be a little less smug about it.
“Well, it’s mostly M.M.K.C.,” Tenna explained, “but it’s in a block with some other shoujo shows, the brightest and sparkliest of the Magical Girls, and trust me, it’s NO surprise this is her true form in her heart of hearts! What I wanna know is why you’d keep it a secret. It’s good television! It’s wholesome! And it obviously came with the bonus of contributing to your gender identity.”
“LOOK,” Mew Mew groaned. “I started watching it…when I started hanging out with Alphys and Undyne. And then it became my thing. I’d say that’s all there is to it, but with you two being so DISGUSTINGLY saccharine, you’re just bringing up every memory I didn’t want to deal with.”
“Wait, there’s more to your friendship with those two?” Mettaton’s interest was clear in his voice.
“Great,” Mew Mew sighed. “You’re just gonna take this as gossip and run with it.”
“He did say he loves the ~DRAMA~!” Tenna laughed. “Me? I’ll be as quiet as, well, as an inanimate object in your living room! Won’t tell a soul! CAN’T tell a soul!”
“It’s just…” Mew Mew let out a long, low sigh. “I had a thing for Undyne.”
“I never knew this!” Mettaton gasped.
“Shoulda guessed you were into fish women,” Tenna mused. “After all, anytime a Sayu video comes on the music channel, you’re front and center on the couch – “
“You listen to SAYU?” Mettaton was practically floored.
“What, is she too GIRLY for me?” Mew Mew growled.
“No,” Mettaton said, “but all her songs are about positive emotions and love and how they’re stronger than hate and anger. And you…well…”
“Yeah, I got no explanation for that one,” Mew Mew muttered. “But anyway. I went over to Undyne’s house once, and I was gonna tell her everything, and…wouldn’t you know it? She’s dating Alphys. They confessed about a couple days before I was going to. And, I mean, the timing wouldn’t have made a difference, since Undyne already liked her back and not me. So I had to make up this excuse that I was just over there to borrow something, and then they invited me in to watch the show, and it was way better than I thought it would be, and then I kinda just…ended up hanging out with them as a third wheel because I could never tell them that it wasn’t just a friend thing that brought me over that day.” Her voice became low, quiet. “And I thought I was over it. Because I LIKE hanging out with them, and they’re about as gross together as you two are, which means they’re perfect. I don’t even get jealous when I see them together anymore, but you know what DOES make me jealous? My stinkin’ cousin beating me to the punch and finding somebody perfect for him and throwing it in my face, is what!”
Now, Tenna and Mettaton were both struck silent. Neither of them much felt like needling her anymore, not after that confession.
“I’m not mad – “ Mew Mew revised that. “Actually, I AM mad! But I’m always mad, so ignore that part. The point is you two are already so stupidly perfect and I hope you stay together forever even when Tenna goes back to being a box, but I WISH I knew there was someone out there like that for me, God DAMN it!”
“…You know…” Mettaton began cautiously. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there is someone out there for everyone – well, everyone who wants someone, at any rate – and that love can come from the most surprising of places, when you expect it the least.”
“Kid, I’ve run my share of rom-coms, and I can raise a toast to that!” Tenna added on. “Look, I know that when you had your heart set on somebody, and they turn out to be a scam-artist flake – or, I mean, just not work out – then it’s like somebody ripped it out, trampled on it, threw it in the Glooby Machine, added real fire for a special effect, and fed it to Susiezilla.”
Mew Mew wasn’t even going to comment about how little sense those words made in that order.
“And it can take you a long time to stop keeping the vaguely egg-shaped freshwater clam that symbolized what you once felt in your green room’s back closet.”
Still no comment, though that one was extremely harder to let slide.
“And, y’know, I think I forgot my own programming for a minute there,” Tenna went on, “because I was thinking it was an idiot move to ever fall for anybody again when I’d seen EVERY movie, sitcom, and soap opera telling me otherwise! But then, it happened like a meet cute. I ended up in his house, I looked into his eyes, he looked into my screen, and…well, I wouldn’t say we knew each other was ‘the one’ right then – “
“I did still think you were inanimate,” Mettaton said, “even though I was quite attached to you already.”
“But it all worked out,” Tenna said. “And now, I’ve got the thing I thought I never would have again. A bona fide ~FAMILY~! So keep those little kitty ears up, because your happy ending could be right around the corner! You’re probably just in the middle of the character arc!”
“And you know where I learned all about how love can find you, right?” Mettaton added. “Because when Tenna was showing all those love stories, I was WATCHING them.”
“You realize real life isn’t TV,” Mew Mew sighed. “Some people just end up alone.”
“~EXCUSE YOU~!” Tenna barked. “My life is real, and I am the TV!”
“That’s not – you know what I meant!” (But she couldn’t argue with that.)
“But a whole lot of others…think they’re gonna be lonely, dying in the snow all alone with their arms ripped off, only to find out that’s just not where the credits roll,” Tenna said. “Happened to me. Could happen to you too.”
“…Wait.” Mettaton had picked up on how every other nonsense statement Tenna had made was something personal. “When were you dying alone in the snow without your arms?”
“Before I met you. No big deal; I got better!”
“Oh, DARLING.” Mettaton embraced him again. “If only I could’ve been there to play the part of your knight in shining metal casing!”
“Hey, that’s a nice fantasy, but it got me where I needed to be, didn’t it?” Tenna laughed.
Mew Mew had to filter out a lot of what Tenna had said, but one thing rang true: he’d thought he was destined to be a loner, and it seemed he’d had far more bad experiences than she had. And now he was one of the ghost family and had an infuriatingly perfect soul mate. Which meant that it wasn’t all out of the question for Mew Mew.
Rom-coms, however, she would not accept as evidence.
“And who knows?” Tenna went on. “Maybe one day you’ll catch a plane down to Vinyl City for Sayu’s big tour, you’ll go to her concert, she’ll spot you in the crowd – “
“You know she’s not real, right?” Mew Mew sighed. “She’s virtual. She only exists on a screen.”
“Uh, HELLO?” Tenna tapped his own screen as yet another reminder. Mew Mew got the point.
“Yeah, well, I doubt I’m gonna end up with a pop star like that or anything. But the things you’re saying now? Maybe not TOTAL B.S.”
“I’m going to take that to mean that we won,” Mettaton muttered to Tenna.
“A decisive victory indeed,” Tenna muttered back.
(Mettaton still hadn’t let go of him, and Tenna was very glad for that. He threw an arm around Mettaton to bring him in closer.)
“…Also, I didn’t wanna have to admit this, but we’ve been walking for I don’t know how long and there’s only been garbage,” Mew Mew said. “We might actually be trapped down here. For all eternity. Great. And I think I left the fan on in my room, too, so Blooky’s going to have to deal with the missing persons report AND the electric bill if they don’t figure it out.”
“Well, what we really need is a ~DEUS EX MACHINA,~” Tenna said. “Such as a plucky hero or three to come along and reverse the fountain that brought us all here in the first place – “
They rounded the corner, and one trio immediately came within sight of the other. Mettaton, Tenna, and Mew Mew froze, looking at the three newcomers who’d been in the neighboring dumpster-hallway with disbelief.
Because Kris and Susie were here (as well as…a miniature version of Kris’ brother?), and chatting away like this was normal. Like they were used to this.
“…disgusting,” the mini-Asriel was saying, “but it was at least better than…what we faced in the last Dark World.”
“Yeah, I’ll take a sentient pile of trash sludge over a destroying angel-Titan-thing any old day,” Susie said while twirling an axe (!) in her hand. “Besides, it was one badass pile of trash sludge – wait, TENNA?”
Susie, Kris, and the mini-Asriel (who Tenna already knew was actually called Ralsei) stopped to gawk at the fact that there was a Darkner here who most certainly shouldn’t be.
“No way!” Susie babbled. “We gave you to the ghost house! You shouldn’t be here!”
Mettaton now couldn’t keep quiet: “YOU KNEW ALL ALONG?”
“Knew what?” Susie answered. “Who even are you?”
“I mean – I can’t blame you for introducing him to me,” Mettaton went on. “You must’ve KNOWN we would be compatible. But all this time, you KNEW of his deeper soul? It was more than just passing a beloved vintage item off to a more appreciative owner? Why didn’t you SAY – well, I KNOW why you didn’t say anything, but still, that doesn’t make this any easier to swallow!”
“…Wait, YOU’RE the ghost?” Susie realized. “What are you DOING down here?”
“And why are you hot?” Kris added.
“And I’m the one you all knew as Maddy,” Mew Mew said, putting up a hand. “Not that anyone cares about THAT plot twist.”
“I think you look really pretty, Miss Maddy!” Ralsei said, eager to please someone who he perceived as feeling left out.
“Well, this…was REALLY unexpected!” Tenna said. “But you know what? It was long overdue! Kris, Susie, and Ralsei were the ones who showed me the way home! And Mettaton and Mew Mew here are the partners in crime I couldn’t do without! …Napstablook didn’t come on this adventure, but they’re here in spirit.”
“So…uh…uhhhh…” Susie’s eyes were wide. “You’re dreaming. This totally isn’t real. You know that, right?”
“Nice try, kid,” Mew Mew snapped. “We already know everything about Dark Worlds. How long has this been a THING?”
“But isn’t it wonderful?” Mettaton added. “Down here, Tenna gets to be his fabulous self, Mew Mew – or Maddy – gets to live out her mahou shoujo fantasies, and my truest inner form is GORGEOUS! It seems this world knows the two of you well enough to have given you appropriate makeovers as well!” He looked over to Ralsei. “…You just confuse me. Are you Asriel somehow?”
“No, I’m Ralsei,” Ralsei said, which didn’t explain much.
“Trust me, this is a long story,” Susie sighed. “Longer than you guys have time for.”
Mettaton, Tenna, and Mew Mew all exchanged glances, then began to speak at once –
“It’s longer than WE have time to tell,” Susie growled, “and it’s too long to convince me to start on now!”
“Well, then, I’ll tell it,” said Tenna. “Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: HUMANS and MONSTERS. One day, war broke out between the two races – “
“Since WHEN?” Susie was baffled.
“Wait, that’s the wrong narration,” Tenna realized. “Lemme try this again! Once upon a time, a LEGEND was whispered among shadows. It was a LEGEND of HOPE. It was a LEGEND of DREAMS – “
Susie, already calculating the sheer wordiness packed into the intro alone, decided to save the time: “Dark Worlds open up sometimes, but because of the Prophecy, Kris, Ralsei, and me go around them sealing Dark Fountains so they don’t accidentally destroy the Light World. We’re the heroes. Tenna was one of the villains once but he’s over that now, or at least he better be. Thanks to us, the Titan didn’t destroy all the worlds. You’re welcome. That’s it. End of story.”
“Couldn’t have told it better myself!” Tenna said with a wide grin. Then realization set in: “Wait, you three fought a TITAN – “
“DO YOU WANT TO GO HOME OR NOT?” Susie barked.
“I mean, I do,” said Mew Mew. “Couldn’t speak for these two.”
“Alas, our time here has been wonderful, but I do think we need to return to our world,” Mettaton sighed. He looked up at Tenna with regretful eyes: “I only wish we could speak like this even in our Light forms.”
“Hey, you can still talk to me!” Tenna assured, cupping Mettaton’s face in his hands. “I’ll hear every word. Can’t say I’ll be able to talk back, but…hey, you never know! Maybe one day! All I know is that as wonderful as it’s been, I know where I belong, and it’s in your living room as the star of the show!”
Mettaton smiled back. He also blushed, which was a little odd, given that his skin was made of metal, but no one questioned it. “Then you’ll hear every word I could possibly have to say.”
“We have to close the Fountain anyway,” Ralsei said. “And that will erase this Dark World. You couldn’t stay even if you wanted to. It’s the way things have to work to keep the balance between the two realms. Just follow us to the Fountain, and we’ll bring you home.”
“Then let’s return triumphant,” Mettaton declared.
“I prefer ‘let’s blow this pop stand,’” Mew Mew chimed in.
The six of them journeyed through the remainder of the trash labyrinth until they arrived at the heart of the Dark World: the Fountain that gushed forth pure Darkness in a way that was both beautiful and terrifying.
“I’m…gonna miss this body,” Mew Mew sighed.
“Well, now you know what to search for in our world,” Mettaton reminded her. “I know I certainly do.”
“And believe me, I’m gonna remember that this is how you two look on the inside,” Tenna said. “Audible wink!”
“Okay,” said Susie. “Here we go.”
Kris raised their sword high.
Tenna never saw Kris seal the Fountain, because, in the throes of grief already, Mettaton seized his monitor and pulled him down to plant a deep kiss on his screen. Throwing his arms around Mettaton, Tenna blushed a bright cerise, his speakers emitted a booming “~THAT’S ALL, FOLKS!~”, and then –
A human child, a monster child, and two ghosts stood in the alley next to a vintage television that was broadcasting static. The sun was beginning to set, casting them all in soft twilight.
“I can’t state this enough,” Susie growled. “All of this NEVER HAPPENED as far as the four of us are concerned.”
“My lips are sealed,” Mettaton promised with a less-audible wink.
“I’d rather not talk about it either,” Mew Mew – who supposed she was Maddy again, though she was definitely keeping the pronouns – agreed.
Kris flashed a thumbs-up. “Keep it real,” they said.
Then Susie and Kris went off their own separate way, leaving Mettaton and Maddy with Tenna.
“So anyway,” Maddy sighed, “I have no idea how we’re going to explain to Blooky that you’re married to the TV.”
“Married to the TV,” Mettaton responded. “I mean, our relationship is fledgling at the moment, and marriage does seem to be quite the step – but oh, thinking of being a blushing bride with Tenna as my groom!”
(Maddy didn’t argue that Mettaton was clearly a he now, because she knew the answer was that he was going to be a bride who was also a man, thank you very much. He would never pass up the opportunity to wear such an elegant gown.)
In that moment, Mettaton brushed against one of Tenna’s antennae, jostling it just a hair, and the signal cleared, showing one of those reality television shows about high-end weddings. The happy couple kissed, pronounced spouses.
Mettaton and Maddy gaped, having no idea whether that was coincidence or communication.
“…Let’s just get him home,” Maddy said at last.
The two of them managed to drag Tenna back to the living room, replacing him in his spot of honor, where he belonged. “Good night, my love,” Mettaton whispered up next to the antennae, knowing that even though Tenna couldn’t respond, he would hear.
“Hey,” Maddy said. “Mettaton.”
Her countenance was somber as she backed into the hallway, and Mettaton understood that he was to follow and listen to something that she could only say out of antennashot of Tenna.
“I was thinking about it on the way home,” Maddy said. “You guys even said it. Tenna’s…old. And he was made while we already existed. TVs don’t last that long, which is why I got the new model in the first place. What happens when he – “
“Don’t,” Mettaton said, fear in his eyes. He’d thought of this same hitch, and he’d decided to solve it by not thinking about it. “Please. …And there are any number of mechanics who can keep vintage devices running for practically eternity, you know. We might have to take a cross-country road trip to find the experts, but it can be done. Like going to a specialized hospital for a beloved monster. So it shouldn’t be anything we have to worry about. Please don’t worry about it. Please.”
Maddy nodded. “I won’t.” By which she meant that she wouldn’t bring it up again.
With a sigh, she turned to the LCD flatscreen. “Well, guess this one’s off to the – “
She paused. If Tenna had had a living consciousness inside of him that could manifest as an entire person in the dark, then who was to say that this television didn’t also?
“…Actually, I’m just gonna move her up to my room,” Maddy decided.
“Her?” Mettaton was surprised.
“I mean, the obvious name for her is Elsie, like L-C,” Maddy said with a sly grin. “I mean, I can’t prove there’s an entire sexy TV person behind her screen who I’ll meet one day and fall in love with…but we can’t really say it won’t happen now, right? Either way, nobody gets thrown out of this family.”
She winked before spiriting Elsie up the stairs to install in her bedroom.
Mettaton, quite amused by this turn of events, was about to head to his own chambers, but then stopped, looking back into the living room. He really wasn’t at all sleepy. And what was the point of sleeping if he wasn’t?
He floated back into the living room, switching Tenna back on with a low volume. “I think we can spend a little more time together,” he whispered as he settled on a program he was sure would entertain them both.