Chapter Text
Gentle snowflakes come falling down and flurries of white coat the dark sky. Not a soul in sight as the flakes carefully caress the black road, painting it in an angelic white. The season of December is known for happiness and joy. Then the new year comes around the corner, a chance for new beginnings. But happiness and joy cannot exist without the presence of sadness and despair.
He never expected to feel the latter. He never expected the sadness of the season to become one with his own life. The frost is usually refreshing to the touch when stepping outside of the warmth of your home– but this chill stung. The eerie quietness was far from anything close to home.
His home.
His brother.
Soobin.
“The number you have dialed cannot be reached right now. Please hang up and try again…”
Trying to catch his breath, but the panic kept staggering his breathing. His heart was beating as fast as his feet pressed across the floor. The crunching of the snow against each step. And his head pounding with the constant iterations:
“Dammit, hyung! Pick up! Please, pick up…”
The blurring of his eyes as tears streamed down his face as he was running. Heaving, panting, racing. The heaviness in his chest overwhelmed his senses as he burst through the hospital doors.
“Please, don’t let this be true.”
And despite his desperate pleas, there, in the hospital bed, lay a taller boy, surrounded by foreign machines and lines. The boy was unrecognizable. But, the little brother could still make out the darkness of his hair and the softness of his features.
“Soobin.”
But the bandages that circled his head, the eyes that were once so full of light when they looked at you were closed. Scars and splashes of blood that tainted the paleness of his skin. Wires and tubes coming out of every angle of his body. The only movement was the steady rise and fall of his chest, although that too, was manipulated by another force.
“It can’t be.”
The Soobin he knew would yell at him for forgetting his jacket before leaving the house. The Soobin he knew would tease him about dropping ranks in their favorite video game. The Soobin he knew would play Kpop music too loudly just to annoy his younger brother. The Soobin he knew had a bunny smile and made everyone around him happy. The Soobin he knew would sacrifice anything and put others before his own needs. The Soobin he knew pushed him to go to school and follow his dreams.
The Soobin he knew was no more.
Beomgyu wasn’t sure if it was the running, the fatigue in his legs that gave out, or the despair, anger, and grief that blurred all his senses and caused him to fall to his knees. Besides his brother now, he carefully intertwined his fingers with the bandaged palm, hoping that the other’s fingers would curl into his. But, of course, no movement came to physical stimulation.
“Hyung, it’s me. Say something, please!”
Again, no response followed.
Beomgyu laid his head down beside his brother’s hand. Sobbing and letting the tears pool in the sleeve of his jacket, while the other hand still holding his brother in hopes that a response will come. The only sounds that filled the room were the soft sobs of the younger and the constant hums of the monitors and machines. When the tears came to a halt and the last bit of his strength still remained, Beomgyu looked up from his sitting position and faced his older brother. He gently lifted his hand to carefully caress some of his hair out of his eyes, careful as to not touch the damages to his face that he couldn’t recognize anymore. Beomgyu retreated his head back to lay on his arm and allowed the quiet breathing and hums to lull him to sleep.
“Don’t worry, hyung, I’m here. Just hang in there.”
Even the quiet, cold air of winter was of no comparison to the loudness of the silence that remained between them. The quiet that was not of peace, but of the lack of life that once was.
December.
He’ll never forget it.
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“Hurry up, Kai. We’re going to be late for our first class,” Taehyun said as he started heading towards the exit of the school cafe.
“Aaaahhhh Taehyunnie! We’re seniors now! Relax!” Kai said, with his mouth stuffed with his breakfast muffin and his cheeks puffed from attempting to fit the whole pastry in his mouth. “It’s just the first day!”
Taehyun rolled his eyes and glared at the younger as he wiped the crumb that landed on his face away. “You know how I am about being late.”
If it wasn’t for the cool draft that chilled Kai’s bones, he swore the coldness of Taehyun’s eyes could have frozen him to death. He quickly stuffed his backpack with his papers and books and the two swiftly left the cafe to their first class. Luckily, their college campus wasn’t too large. With Taehyun in the lead, and Kai quickly following after him, the boys arrived at the lecture hall just in time.
Taehyun quickly occupied his usual spot, in the very front row just like the last three years. As a diligent senior Pre-Med student, Taehyun was keen on routine. He had to sit in the same place and be there at the same exact time. He followed a strict schedule and anything that strayed away from his routine would be an absolute treason of his sanity.
This was what kept him able to juggle the academic rigors of Pre-Med degree. Plus, it helped him remain as the top student at his university. Taehyun was not only obsessed with routines and schedules, but more importantly, he was addicted to winning. If he can surpass you, he will do everything in his power to make you feel like you are unworthy, that all your efforts to attempt to win are useless. He will make you remember that the rightful reign of the top is his.
It was honestly a little sadistic and maybe narcissistic because Taehyun didn’t care what others thought of him. He always buried himself in his studies and kept away from befriending others. He had a goal in mind and sought any means necessary to meet such.
Taehyun’s goals:
- Graduate as the #1 student of his university
- Be the best doctor ever
- Surpass his brother
Taehyun’s older brother is a renowned surgeon that has had incredible success overseas in America. He is the epitome of what Taehyun sees as success and happiness. If he can surpass his brother and also become the best doctor, then in Taehyun’s eyes, he has won in life.
As children, playing toys and sports was anything but ordinary in the Kang family. The parents with two boys always put them against each other. And of course, Taehyun would lose due to being much younger and smaller in frame. But his parents didn’t see it that way. They only saw weakness.
Everyday, he was reminded how he wasn’t good enough. Everything he did, he was reminded of how much better his brother was instead, and how Taehyun should be more like him. The way his parents would always celebrate his brother's accomplishments while Taehyun’s were never up to par. The way his parents gave his brother more gifts for Christmas while Taehyun got one. The way his parents exuberantly bragged about one, and not the other. The way his parents' eyes lit up when his hyung came home one day and said he got accepted to the best medical school in America, where he now works. The way that Taehyun was always abandoned in the shadows of his older brother.
So to say that Taehyun is an angsty troubled individual due to the trauma and pressure of his family, would not be an exaggeration. The only thing that motivated Taehyun more than his innate ambition and competitive nature, was jealousy.
And he set off on his supposed life’s journey to triumph, even if it meant it was a lonely one. Taehyun knew he’d find happiness at the end. So he buried himself in books. Never allowed himself to stray from his schedule. He added on extracurriculars to beef up his resume. He wanted everyone to recognize his efforts. He wanted everyone to know he was the best. He never wanted anyone to see him as anything less than, especially not his family.
The only person that was able to crack the surface was his best friend, Kai. Only because he didn’t see Kai as competition. Kai, unfortunately is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but his bubbly personality and happy go lucky attitude was able to get him close to the icy boy.
Kai wasn’t always so energetic and a ball of sunshine. He was, in fact, just as reserved and quiet as Taehyun was, at least when they first met.
They met on the first day of freshman year.
The professor asked the class to find a partner for a group project. Taehyun hated group projects because he knew he could get the work done twice as fast by himself and he would be wasting his time waiting for the others to catch up. He made it a mission to find someone that would be least bothersome. As he was scanning the room to find his potential project partner, everyone seemed to have already gravitated towards one another, leaving him by himself. The only one left was the cotton candy, blue-haired boy, sitting in the very back corner, named Huening Kai. Although he seemed quite tall, the way he hunched his shoulders made him appear smaller than he really was –hoping he could disappear from the social anxiety of finding a project partner. But, Taehyun spotted him out amongst the crowd. The boy was twiddling his thumbs and was too nervous to make the first move.
Taehyung thought, “good enough” and made his way over to Kai. “Want to be partners?” he asked. Kai looked up from his thumbs and hesitated for a moment before meeting his eyes with him. Then, after a few seconds of awkward rumination, the boy shyly nodded yes. He didn’t speak much, but the way his eyes lit up motioned to Taehyun that he made the right choice.
And they’ve been inseparable ever since. Taehyun didn’t realize that he just opened Pandora’s box of weirdos when he started getting to know Kai and he wasn’t as quiet as the day they first met. During their group project, Kai would ask him illogical questions like, “How long do you think it takes for giraffes to swallow?”
Nonetheless, with each nonsensical question, Taehyun, of course had an answer. “Approximately 35-45 seconds,” he replied plainly.
Kai looks up at him again and asks, “if you were a pizza topping what would you be?”
And without missing a beat, Taehyun replies, “pineapple.”
“Ew yuck!” The other pulls back in disgust. “Why pineapple?”
“So people like you don’t bother me,” Taehyun replied coldly. Comments like that usually scare people away. But Kai always found it witty and fun. So he stuck around the icy boy with the dark frames.
The erratic and boisterous nature of one boy contrasted the seriousness of the other. Despite Taehyun’s promise to be a lone wolf, he decided to keep the blue haired boy around. Unlike others, Kai respected Taehyun’s journey. Kai was able to figure out when it was appropriate to give Taehyun space and when to drag him to the nearest cafe or arcade to play games to break him from his studies.
They understood each other in the strangest of ways and their friendship bloomed.
Without knowing, Taehyun was able to break Kai out of his shell and Kai was able to melt a little bit of Taehyun’s ice.
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Taehyun and Kai claim their desks in the front row. The professor walks in. She’s a taller woman with a slender figure. Despite her age, she looks quite youthful. Her hair was long and sleek with some strands of grey that stood out against the jet black. She had small creases at the edges of her eyes and her lips, which were only visible when she smiled. Which was a rare sighting.
“Good morning class. I’m Professor Lee Hyori. I’ll go ahead to do a roll call. Please raise your hand when I say your name.”
Dr. Lee Hyori was Taehyun’s freshman year biology teacher. He remembered her being tough but also sensible and kind if you were lucky enough to see it. She rewarded hard work and recognized Taehyun’s efforts. Taehyun grew quite fond of Dr. Lee as she was crass and challenging. She pushed her students because she saw their potential. But she severely reprimanded students that didn’t put in the work. People like…
“Choi Beomgyu.”
Taehyun almost snaps his neck in half as he whips his head around to look, his eyes widened and unknowingly his mouth dropped—bewildered by the sight coming through the doors late to class.
“O-M-G I can’t believe it!” Kai squealed.
And without missing a beat, with his eyes still glued to the boy that entered the room, he studied his movements as he entered.
Kai turns back to Taehyun beaming with both excitement and curiosity, “I can’t believe he’s back! I can’t believe he’s in the same class as us!”
They weren’t the only ones looking. The supposed boy that went missing for half of the school year casually walks into class, and it made the whole room stir. Even with a black hoodie covering half his face, everyone knew who it was.
You couldn’t mistake that impeccable jaw line, the sharpness of his nose, and the softness of his skin. The ashy blonde hair had grown past his ears, peeking through the darkness of his clothes, and how it gently hugged the back of his neck.
“Choi Beomgyu?” the professor repeats.
“Here,” he says. The boy pulled out a chair in the very back so as to not draw attention to himself but despite that, everyone still had their gaze glued to him. He pulled his hoodie even farther down to cover the rest of his eyes and crossed his arms and leaned his head down on the desk. The previously quiet lecture hall was now filled with the hush sounds of incessant whispers.
“Ok moving on. Choi Ji-Su?”
“Present!”
As more names were called, Kai turned to Taehyun with his eyebrows lifted in surprise. Taehyun nods in agreement.
“Huening Kai?”
“Here, Professor!”
She smiles warmly at the blue haired boy, “thank you, Kai. And Kang Taehyun?”
“Here.”
More names were called and it broke the tensions and the strum of chatters in the room.
“All right class! Let’s get started!” the professor exclaimed, bringing the room back to its previous silence.
Taehyun quickly averts his gaze back to the professor, but much to his dismay, Kai is still in fangirl mode, gawking and quietly squealing next to him. “He’s soooo handsome. Wow, visuals for days. I can see why you like—” the older kicks Kai’s foot to try to get his focus back to the lecture.
“Ow! What was that for?” Kai winces in pain.
“If you don’t stop staring, I’ll peel those eyes out for you.”
Kai snickers and curves one side of lips into a smirk. “Only if you can glue them to the back of my head.”
Another kick.
“Ow! Ok I'll stop!”
Taehyun, however, did not. Unlike his usual cool and collected attitude, suddenly his mind was running with a million thoughts.
I thought he died…or dropped out. What is he doing here? Why did they let him back to school? How can you miss a whole semester of school? Why does he look so tired? Why is he even here? What if—
“Ok class! Make sure to finish chapters 3-10 and complete the quiz online before we meet again!” And just like that, the stream of Taehyun’s thoughts were interrupted but the rush of students getting up from their seats and scurrying out of the room. He hadn’t realized that class was over since his mind was busy with a million questions.
Why was he so bothered by someone he never really talked to?
Taehyun is brought back to reality as Kai links his arm with Taehyun’s and ushers him towards exiting the classroom. As Kai and Taehyun were walking away from their desks, he heard the professor speak again, “Beomgyu-ssi, may I speak with you?”
Taehyun freezes. But as he tries to turn around to investigate, he sees the boy in the black hoodie walk towards him, his movements slow and steady as he raises his head and meets Taehyun’s gaze. Taehyun can see his face now, his eyes were dark and sullen like he hadn’t slept, his small smile weak and weary, and his skin a ghostly pale. Taehyun thought he looked quite sick, yet it was annoying how even then he still didn’t look…unattractive. Shit.
The way Beomgyu was looking at him, the way his lips curled to one side with a hint of mischievousness, his nonchalant body language, and confidence in his steps, despite his sickly presence, reminded Taehyun why he hated him so much. “Hi Taehyun,” Beomgyu says casually as he passes him, then he proceeds to the front of the class to meet the professor, as if he didn’t just start a commotion in the person he greeted. Taehyun’s knuckles started to whiten as he curled his fists and dug his nails into the skin of his palms.
What games are you playing now, Beomgyu? Are you going to sweet talk the professor to give you a passing grade so you don’t have to study again? You think you can intimidate me?
These incessant questions, this uncertainty, weighed heavily in Taehyun’s mind more than he liked. Beomgyu, his academic rival, has made his comeback; and although Taehyun was confident in his schoolwork, there was always a looming shadow that would threaten his reign to the top of the pyramid.
Taehyun’s been ranked number one at the university since the day he started. He has the highest honors, awards, grades, you name it, the top of the pyramid is and always will be Taehyun.
But the climb to the top wasn’t so easy. Not when your competition is gifted genius, Choi Beomgyu. Unlike Taehyun, who is married to his studies, Beomgyu could care less.
One day during their first year of college, all the pre-med students were busy preparing for their exam in Intro to Chemistry. Seniors rumored that the class was difficult not because of the complexities of the material itself but because the professor intentionally makes exams nearly impossible to pass. Almost as if to weed out the weak and to determine who has enough grit to pursue the medical profession.
Taehyun was no exception to the slavery that ensued from this class. The grueling hours spent on memorizing and preparing for those dreadful exams was a shared experience to all the students in that class. Except for one.
When it came time for their final exam, Taehyun had spent so many hours glued to his textbooks and notes that he didn’t eat nor sleep to make sure he would ace the exam. So when bright-eyed Beomgyu walks in with his cheery smile, takes the exam faster than anyone else, turns it in, and leaves without a bother in the world, from that day on, Taehyun makes a mental note to add Beomgyu’s name to his burn book.
Taehyun didn’t just despise Beomgyu’s natural talents, he despised how everyone was drawn to Beomgyu’s charm, hypnotized by his good looks and charisma. Something about his aura was so magnetic, he could draw every eye in the room to look at him. His smile alone was rumored to radiate as bright as the sun itself.
He was loved by everyone. His warm smile melted hearts. When he walked through the campus, everyone knew his name and greeted him. Some assumed people with gifted talents would be full of themselves, but Beomgyu was different. He never let anyone know about his academic talents and spent more time getting to know people and befriending them. Even tried to befriend Taehyun, but was shot down immediately, not even given a chance to go near the icy boy. Beomgyu would even bring in baked treats from his mom’s bakery to class to share with others.
He was like the sun, everywhere he went, warmth and joy would follow. Just when you thought he couldn’t be more perfect, God certainly has His favorites because Beomgyu was also incredibly handsome. Like an angel, directly sent from the heavens. He drew attention to himself without even asking because, as Kai had mentioned, “visuals for days.” Beomgyu’s features were a blend of both feminine and masculine features. His soft cheeks and round doe eyes harmoniously fit with the sharpness of his jaw and broadness of his shoulders. He was tall, beautiful, smart, friendly, nice, and perfect.
His life seems perfect. He had success in school with minimal effort, he had so many people wanting to befriend him, and he had a family that didn't constantly cast him aside in favor of the older brother. Yeah, Taehyun fucking despises him.
He felt even more vindicated to show him that hard work gets you to the top, gets you to be successful, and those that don’t put the work in don’t deserve it. Taehyun deserves it.
He believes because he commits his time and efforts to success, that he should be recognized for such. Beomgyu had missed a whole semester of school, disappearing at the end of the year in December. Yet, here he is, his presence never showing any signs of nervousness, anxiety, or worry. And it stirred something in Taehyun’s stomach that made him sick with anger.
He’s not going to let the supposed gifted genius slide right past him and secure the top rank at school or at life. Not now. Not ever.
But, when Beomgyu came to class today, the dullness of his eyes and darkness of his clothes were an extremely stark contrast to his usual bright and heavenly appearance.
Why had he been so bothered by the sight of Beomgyu? It was unlike Taehyun to be distracted from school but the image of the black hoodie boy was branded in his mind. Taehyun could care less about other people’s personal matters, but his curiosity kept metastasizing in his thoughts, invading his rationale.
He tried to shake these thoughts out of his head, yet at the back of his mind, one question seemed to constantly linger…
What happened to you, Beomgyu?
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Taehyun laid in his bed with his eyes stuck to the ceiling fan as he mindlessly watched the wings spin around until they blurred into each other. He grabbed the nearest pillow and pressed it on top of his face as he let out a big sigh. Although the first day of school is never fast enough to anyone, it seemed especially slow to Taehyun.
Taehyun could care even less about matters of Choi Beomgyu, but it seemed like since the devil couldn’t reach him, he sent him in the ring with his most despised opponent.
Taehyun pushes the pillow even deeper into his face and lets out a groan. He then throws the pillow across the room and searches for his phone. He scans his messages and notices a missed text from Kai
Kai:
Waaaaaa >.< first day back and i’m so tiredddd
Wanna get some snackies? Keke
Taehyunnie aka Jack Frost:
You’re paying
Kai:
Waeeeeeeee :(
Taehyunnie aka Jack Frost:
K
I’m not going then
Kai:
:((((((
Okie fine
Meet me at the hub in 10!
Taehyunnie aka Jack Frost:
K.
Taehyun threw his jacket on and placed his phone in his pocket. He laced his shoes and made his way to meet Kai at the Hub, a bar nearby campus that offered half off appetizers and drinks, it quickly became their favorite spot to meet after school.
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“Soooo…can we talk about the elephant in the room?” Kai draws a cheeky smile with the straw of his milkshake in between his teeth as he wiggles his eyebrows.
“What elephant?” Taehyun dismisses as he knows exactly what Kai was mentioning.
Kai rolls his eyes and leans in closer to Taehyun from across the table. He lowers his voice enough just for Taehyun’s ears only. The one thing about Kai that Taehyun actually finds useful is his gossiping skills. Kai should just go into forensics or criminology for all the sleuthing he does around campus instead of going for pre-med.
Kai proceeds, “well…I heard from someone in my physics lab that their friend’s cousin knows Beomgyu’s family who told this other person to not tell this friend but then their neigh—”
One of the things Taehyun finds actually un-useful is his friend’s inability to get to the point. He interrupts the other “Kai…”
“Oh sorry! Anyways… Last December, when we were getting ready for finals, they saw Beomgyu go to the hospital! He must have been sick! Or he’s taking care of someone sick... Or he works there because maybe he can’t afford school... Or he has a secret lover! Or…”
Kai wins the award for ultimate yapper.
“Kai, this is ridiculous.You really believe rumors like that?”
“Well, what do you think is more likely? I personally hope he has a secret lover! Omg that would be so cute! Can you imagine a hospital love story!? I’m a sucker for those things! I mean just look at him who wouldn’t fall in love—”
Taehyun stares back at Kai with the same icy gaze as this morning.
Despite the glare, Kai continues, “did you see how sad he looked? He looks so heartbroken. What a shame. Must have been a break up.” He shakes his head and proceeds to finish his strawberry milkshake before him.
Sad? Taehyun scoffs at that notion. Beomgyu could care less about anything, yet Taehyun couldn’t deny the strange melancholy aura this morning. “No one looks that depressed after a break up,” Taehyun says.
“How would you know? You’ve never dated anyone.” Kai brings a fist to his chest and grimaces his face. He pantomimes what a heartache would look like to the other.
Taehyun sneers at the younger, “and you would know?”
“Ummm of course! When my bias in BTS got enlisted in the military, or when my hamster passed away, or when my sisters didn’t let me join their sleepovers because I was a boy—”
Taehyun chuckles softly.
Kai continues, “–but from a break up, no.”
“That’s what I thought.”
Kai grabs the leftover wrapping from his straw, crumples it in his hand, and tosses it at the other from across the table. “Hey! I’m working on it!” The two boys start laughing. Kai is like a little puppy that begs for attention. As much as you try to ignore him, the more he pesters you. Eventually, you can’t help but give in. As much as Kai annoys the living shit out of him, he still had a soft spot for the puppy.
“So…what about you? Anyone caught your eye?” Kai raises his one eyebrow quizzically.
“No,” Taehyun says harshly.
“C’mon Taehyunnie! You’re so boring! You don’t think anyone’s cute!?” he whines.
Taehyun immediately shoots him down. “I don’t have time for that.”
Kai rolls his eyes in disbelief. “Well, the way you were looking at Gyu today…”
Taehyun’s eyes widen again and he chokes on the water he was sipping. Taehyun looks up from his glass and gives the younger one a deadly stare, a threatening look that says if you don’t shut up right now I'm going to end you and you’re going to wish you never opened your damn mouth.
Unphased by the deathly stare, Kai smirks again, “that’s what I thought.”
“Ya! You were the one that couldn’t keep your eyes to yourself!” Taehyun stammers.
“Hmmmmm and so were you hehehehe,” Kai snickers, “Tae, I can see right through you, your only emotions are either bored, serious, or annoyed. So when you show any emotions besides those three, it must mean something. Don’t tell me I’m wrong!”
He was wrong. Very wrong.
Taehyun despises Beomgyu with his whole soul. How could a prick like Beomgyu stroll into class, never work a day in his life, and all of a sudden be ranked second behind Taehyun? It was bad enough that he had competition, but the fact that his competitor wasn’t even trying made Taehyun feel all sorts of rage.
His ears reddened at the memory of this morning when he saw the blonde boy return. He certainly was surprised like everyone else but he didn’t know why his face felt flushed and his eyes widened the way that they did. He blamed it on the anxiety of being back to school. But then he remembered that he is Kang Taehyun and he’s never anxious.
So what could it be that made him feel so….different?
Was he happy his competition was back so he can feel more vindicated when he graduates as number one and he can rub it in Beomgyu’s stupid perfect face?
Stop that. Stop thinking. Stop thinking.
“You’re wrong,” Taehyun mutters.
“Yeah, sure,” Kai rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say, Taehyun.”
Kai quickly changes the topic as he finds himself easily distracted by the happenings in the bar. He was able to pick their conversation back up and they talked about the rest of their day. Kai kept talking about how he’s taking music theory as an elective this year and other things that Taehyun doesn’t remember as he zones out from the constant chatter. As their conversation naturally comes to a stop, they agree to call it a night and retreat back to their dorms.
Without the younger boy knowing, Taehyun slips his credit card to the waitress to pay for Kai’s milkshake. Taehyun walks home glad that he could count on his friend to distract him from his thoughts.
But not for long, as the thoughts start to creep back into his brain as he tries to fall asleep. The same image infiltrates his mind again. The ashy blonde hair, the brown doe eyes, the curve of his lips…
Taehyun didn’t realize the sound beating in his ears were the flutters coming from his chest.
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(Earlier that day)
“Umma!! I’m leaving now!” Beomgyu quickly takes his apron off and throws it in his locker. The inside is adorned with multiple pictures of him, his mom, and of course, Soobin. The three of them smiling brightly in the picture during Beomgyu’s high school graduation with his black cap and gown. A happier time. He smiles to himself, reminiscent of their past, reminiscent of the time when Soobin was awake and lively as ever. He remembers the picture took multiple tries because Soobin kept insisting that Beomgyu’s cap was crooked. Beomgyu regrets being so stubborn and harsh to his older brother at that time.
Beomgyu immediately shuts his locker and grabs his stuff, quickly towards the door but is stopped by his mother.
“Oh my son! You’ve grown up so much. Make sure to get to your classes on time!” she nags as she embraces her son in a tight hug. Beomgyu’s mom was a shorter woman with her hair already grey but her bunny smile made her look much more youthful. The same smile she passed down to her eldest son.
Beomgyu rolls his eyes and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek and hugs her tightly. “Umma! If you don’t let me go, you’re the one that’s going to make me late!” He gives her one last squeeze before he races out the door and waves to her goodbye with a warm smile. “I’ll see you later.”
“See you, Cookie!” the woman replies and goes back to stacking the croissants on the shelves, preparing the bakery for opening.
Luckily, the bakery wasn’t too far from his university, but still far enough where people couldn’t find him. No one had a clue what the boy did with his time, or why he was always late to class. He lived his life in secret. No one needed to know that he was struggling to help his mom pay the rent and Soobin’s life support. Any chance he can get to help his mom in the bakery, he will take. All while balancing visiting his brother in the hospital, hoping that a miracle will shine down on the Choi family and wake Soobin up from his coma.
Beomgyu adjusts his headphones over his ears and steps onto the bus. He grabs hold of the hand rails and his other hand, carefully swiping his phone to go through his playlist. He tries to play some music, but his thoughts start wandering. Usually he plays sad music, hoping the sadness of the singer could somehow empathize with the misery in his own heart, but today he opts for something outside of his usual playlist. He wasn’t sure why, but today he was feeling awfully optimistic. He would be returning to school, returning to some sense or normalcy.
Finally the bus stops in front of his campus, and he starts making a beeline to his first class, Dr. Lee Hyori’s class.
He tried to discreetly make his way into the classroom, putting his hood over his head to hide his identity. He knew there were heads turning, and eyes peering at him. He paid no mind. He showed up, that’s all that matters. He looks around the room at the class, with those eyes watching him like he was an animal at the zoo. The only eyes he caught with his own were behind the black glasses frames of the dark haired boy sitting in the front row. He covered his face again with his hood, hoping he could stay out of sight, but not out of sight of the deathly glare of his professor.
It’s only the beginning of September, but to him it meant that it had been almost ten months since the accident. He tried his best to make it to morning classes but he knew he was going to be late because his mom needed an extra hand opening the bakery. He thought being late to one class wouldn’t be so bad, considering the first week of school not much happened anyways.
Well, he was wrong, as he was called into the depths of hell that is notoriously Dr. Lee’s office.
“Beomgyu-ssi, may I speak with you?”
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“Beomgyu-ssi. I’m sure you know why I called you here.”
Beomgyu sits there nervously in the professor's office, scanning the room and looking at all the biology textbooks that align the bookshelves on the wall. He’s been here before, multiple times actually as a freshman, constantly scolded for not finishing his assignments on time or coming to class late. But, his high remarks and grades on exams overruled his cruel punishments. He was able to escape the lioness den unscathed. He wasn’t so certain about it now.
The sinister professor darted her usual cold glare at him across from her desk.
“I hope it’s because you missed me because I sure missed you too!” Beomgyu says, trying to lighten the mood before Dr. Lee reprimands him like she usually does.
“The only reason I haven’t failed you from my class is because I know you’re better than that. You’re showing up late to my classes again. This isn’t Intro to Biology anymore. You’re setting a bad example for the rest of the seniors. Those who show up late or have an inexcusable absence, I take a percentage of your grade.”
“I’m sorry, Dr. Lee. It won’t happen again,” he says shamefully, trying his best to keep his composure in front of the professor. Beomgyu starts nervously tapping his foot and fidgeting his fingers. “I’m sorry. My brother…my brother is sick. And I need to help my mom at work.”
“I know Beomgyu-ssi. I had a conversation with your mother.”
Beomgyu looks up at the scary professor. This time, she looks at him sympathetically. “I’m sorry about your brother. I understand classes are difficult to attend, but you know my rules. Also, a failed class isn’t going to look great on your resume, especially if you plan to go to medical school.”
He just nods in agreement. He feels a slight pressure building up behind his eyes. No matter how much time has passed, it never got easier talking about Soobin’s accident. Thankfully, his hair had grown out enough to cover his eyes, hoping they did him justice by hiding some of his face.
“I’m not sure if I can go to medical school now.” Beomgyu expression crestfallen. His dreams and plans have gone astray after the accident. How could he leave his brother now, much less pay for more schooling when he can barely keep up with the bills that keep stacking up. He was so close to dropping out all together. But decided against it after his mom reminded him that this is what Soobin would have wanted, to keep chasing his dream, to keep shooting for the stars, to become a great doctor that takes care of everyone. That conversation helped Beomgyu reignite his fire, if he would do it for anyone, it would be for his brother that he missed so dearly.
Beomgyu looks at Dr. Lee’s disapproving face.
Oh God. Please don’t look at me like that.
“You and I both know that would be a mistake. Beomgyu-ssi, you have too much potential to be wasted.”
Through his broken voice, he tries to say something, but his voice keeps choking on the tears he’s been holding back. “I know.” He tried to wipe the tears away, but now the ache in his chest starts to swell, and he starts sobbing.
I’m trying. God. I’m trying! It’s so hard! I wish you were here to help me, hyung. What should I do?
He tried his best to keep his composure, but as much as he was aching inside, he started feeling upset and angry. In his times of darkness, he still is getting reprimanded by his professor. Has she no heart? Lee Hyori, you bitch.
He’s been trying to keep everything locked up, the pain inside his chest that constantly reminds him of the dreadful day Soobin was taken away from him. Everyday he works his ass off to make ends meet. Everyday he takes care of his brother in the hospital, lifeless in a dreary room, surrounded by alarms and foreign machines. Everyday he loses sleep not knowing if he will ever get to talk to him again. Everyday is a constant battle uphill and now he is asked to do the impossible of keeping up with his grades.
He finally breaks.
“You don’t know how hard it’s been. You don’t know what I have to go through! You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you love and then everything is taken away from you! Go to medical school and do what? I can’t bring him back to life! He’s basically dead at this point. And I would have thousands of dollars in debt when I can’t even pay off the loans I have now. You don’t understand how hard it is to never hear him talk again. You don’t understand the pain I have to face every. Single. Fucking. Day. You don’t know what it’s like watching your own mother cry next to her son, praying he would just wake up. It’s fucking devasting. It’s fucking pathetic. How can a son watch his own mother grieve and he can’t do anything to help her? And look at me! I can’t even eat or drink or sleep and now you ask me to show up to your class on time? Are you fucking kidding me?!”
He collapses into his hands as his tears keep streaming down his face.
Dr. Lee gets up from her desk and makes her way to the boy, with his face in his hands trying to muffle the soft cries. She grabs a tissue box nearby and sets it in front of the boy. She wraps her arms around the boy’s shoulders, offering comfort, and giving him a warm hug. Tears start welling in her eyes too as she tries to comfort her student.
“Beomgyu-ssi. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” her voice cracks as she tries to reassure the boy, “losing someone is not easy, I know that. But I also know that you have so much talent. You can have the sun, the moon, the stars. Don’t ever settle for anything less. I’m sure your brother would want the best for you too.”
“Shoot for the stars.”
He remembers what his older brother would always tell him. And now hearing this teacher say something similar makes him feel more despair.
I know he would want me to, but I can’t. Unless a miracle happens.
“Look at me. I have a plan for you. I’m not going to let you give up so easily.”
His soft cries start to subside and he turns to face her. His eyes are red but the brown in his irises still glows.
She continues, “how about I get you a tutor? This doesn’t excuse you being late to my class, but someone that can help you keep up? I’m not sure how your other classes are, but considering you’re Pre-Med, I’m sure you have similar classes to your colleagues.”
It was encouraging to know that someone else was trying to help him, even if it was from his scary professor. Maybe he had a chance to stay and chase his dreams after all. That he didn’t have to give up so easily.
Beomgyu gives her a soft smile, “you would do that for me?” He starts crying again, this time with relief and hope. He could make out the soft wrinkles at the edges of her eyes as she gave him a reassuring smile. He wraps his arms around his professor to hug her again. Surprised by the sudden embrace, Dr. Lee gives in and hugs him back. Beomgyu looks at her again, now with gratitude painted on his face. “This means a lot to me. I’ll try my best.” His face now beaming with light. He wasn’t sure how this tutoring would play out or how possible it could be to help him keep up in his classes, but it was a second chance, and he needed that. He had to at least try. Beomgyu faces his professor again with another question, “who do you plan on having as my tutor?”
Dr. Lee smiles back at him, “I have someone in mind.”
Beomgyu stands up and bows in gratitude and shakes Dr. Lee’s hands. “Thank you, Dr. Lee. Thank you for giving me a second chance." He's been having a hard time finding those lately so he’ll take this silver lining as a blessing. He’s going to keep trying. He’s going to keep reaching for the stars, as impossible and out of reach as they may seem. That’s what his mom told him, that’s what Soobin told him, that’s what he’s going to keep reminding himself as he keeps pushing.
He was like Sisyphus, endlessly rolling the boulder up the mountain, only to watch it fall back down, and beginning the painful journey back up over and over again. No matter how many times it fell, no matter how steep the mountain, no matter the crushing weight of despair, he keeps pushing. Each time, he hoped that his effort might bring him closer to a miracle. All he could do was keep pushing the boulder up. All he could do was keep holding onto the small thread of hope.
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“Everyone, let’s start with chapter 10. I hope you all did the reading I assigned.” Dr. Lee walks towards the chalkboard to begin her lecture.
The students groan as they take this as their cue to pull out their textbook. Taehyun unzips his bag to retrieve his book. As he is turning around, he hears the latch of the door closing. Although the noise was muffled by everyone opening their textbooks, Taehyun couldn’t help but perk up in curiosity.
The universe must be playing some sick joke on Taehyun because why is it none other than the mystery boy himself.
Beomgyu…late again? Of course.
Taehyun grabs his book quickly and starts flipping through the pages until he reaches the desired chapter. He starts scanning the words in the book but not even the words in the text could distract him from the image he just saw. He buries his head deeper into the book hiding the rush of warmth that starts growing in his face.
Showing up late again? Tsk, he thinks he can do whatever he wants?
While the professor’s back was still turned trying to scribble the contents of her lecture on the board, Beomgyu was able to slip into a chair near the entrance of the classroom. No one noticed that the boy had snuck his way into class. Except for you know who.
Taehyun tries to discreetly tell Kai, “psst. He’s here.”
“Huh? Who!?” Kai asks a little too loud.
*Kick*
“Keep your voice down!” With his head still buried in his textbook, Taehyun keeps his eyes peeled on the empty words. He tries to mouth what he said earlier, hoping the younger boy would understand.
Kai scrunches his face in confusion and leans in closer to him. He attempts to whisper, but his voice could not go undetected by the keen ears of the professor.
“Is there a problem boys?” she asks suspiciously as she turns towards the two boys in the front row.
The both of them sit straight up in surprise. “No ma’am,” they both say in unison. The two drop their heads slowly in embarrassment and bring the textbook up to cover their red-beaten faces.
As some more time passes and their faces cool off, Taehyun turns to Kai again. “Psst. Don’t say anything, but Beomgyu is here.”
Taehyun shouldn’t have trusted Kai and his noise control. The other lets out a small gasp that silences the whole room.
“SHHHH what’s wrong with you—”
“Is there a problem boys!?” Professor Lee says sternly and turns her gaze to the boys. Her arms are crossed and the warm smile from earlier has faded into a deep stoic frown. “Meet me after class. The both of you.”
The whole class murmurs, breaking the tension between the professor and the two boys.
Now I'm really in trouble.
The class went by surprisingly fast. Maybe because the whole time Kai and Taehyun were absolutely silent and left in a catatonic state. As students started shuffling out of the classroom, Kai and Taehyun still sat there frozen in their seats. The fear of Professor Lee’s wrath yet to wreck their lives and reputation. As the classroom cleared out, the two haphazardly made their way up to the front of the class where their doom awaits them.
Kai is the first to speak. Thank God. He clears his throat and begins to greet the professor.
“Hi-i umm Professor Lee. I’m, uh, we, we are so sorry for disturbing the class. ItsallTaehyunsfaultandIhavenothingtodowithit” He draws his arms up to his face and winces, hoping that the guard he built with his hands can lessen the blow about to hit.
She slowly turns to them, “it’s ok boys. Please keep your voices down for the rest of the students.”
They both sighed in relief.
“But if I have to ask again, I will fail you.”
The two boys jolt up again.
There it is. The scary Lee Hyori.
Both boys were too stunned to respond. Taehyun especially, since he had never failed a class, actually, he had never failed anything in his life. If Kai is what keeps him from passing this class and potentially not graduate, he may just push the puppy off his ship.
Dr. Lee starts chuckling. “You boys are so funny. Just behave yourselves. See you tomorrow.”
The two boys didn’t know if they should be relieved or even more scared for their lives. They were still frozen from the whiplash of emotions that the professor put them through.
“Ah Taehyun-ssi. That reminds me. I have something to discuss with you.”
Taehyun nods his head. He presses his lips together and gives her a small smile, hoping that it’s enough to cover up the nervousness building up inside him.
Kai, once again, turns to Taehyun and leans in closer to his ear. “Ohhh someone’s in trouble.” He giggles to himself. “Ok Professor Lee, I’ll see you tomorrow!” and then, all that Taehyun sees is the blue haired puppy scurrying away out the door.
Why am I friends with this guy again?
Now Taehyun is left alone with Dr. Lee.
He tries to swallow the pulp that had built up in the back of his throat. “So you wanted to discuss something with me, Professor?”
“Yes, Taehyun! I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I remember you had done such an excellent job in my intro to biology class.”
His face starts warming up again.
“This class may be more challenging than what you experienced freshman year. But, I know I don’t have to worry about you.”
Where is this going?
“Some students; however, don’t pick up the material as well as you.”
Taehyun immediately thinks of Kai and giggles to himself.
She continues, “some students are already struggling with this class. I have children at home and can’t stay on campus too late. I was wondering if you would like to help me?”
Taehyun’s ears perk up. His eyes widen at the words the professor is saying.
She’s asking for my help? Me!?
“I would like you to be my TA, teacher’s assistant. During off hours, you can hold tutoring sessions here and help students that are falling behind. What do you say?”
His face lights up. He exposes his sharp canines in a toothy grin as he can’t hide his excitement. “O-of course, Dr. Lee,” he stutters, as his eagerness gets the better of him.
“Oh that’s great! I know I can count on you, Taehyun-ssi. Whatever hours work with your schedule is fine. I know some students would prefer night time. I’ll keep the classroom open for you to use.”
“How much time should I allot for the tutoring sessions?”
“Preferably 1-2 hrs. I know how busy you students are. Just enough time for students to come to ask questions and get help.”
Taehyun bows deeply in gratitude. He has certainly earned his way to Dr. Lee Hyori’s good side.
“Thank you, Professor.”
She smiles warmly again, this time, Taehyun clearly sees the wrinkles that softly creases the edges of her eyes. “Thank you, Taehyun-ssi. Don’t disappoint me.”
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“So she asked you to be a tutor?” Kai asks with a mouthful of his sandwich.
“Can you finish chewing before speaking? Where are your manners?” Taehyun scolds the younger boy. He tries to hold back his laughter watching Kai struggle to chew quickly as his cheeks are puffed up with the remains of his lunch. “Yes, she asked me to be her TA. I’m going to hold a study session in the lecture hall. I was thinking from 7-9pm? It would give me enough time to finish my last class and fit in a workout. What do you think? Would you be able to come?”
“Why do I need to come? I don’t need help,” Kai says proudly.
Taehyun gives him a knowing look. “C’mon Kai. I know how you are studying.”
“I just get distracted easily!” Kai defends. “Not everyone needs to be a star student like you, Taehyunnie! You know, C’s get degrees. Also, I signed up for the school band. I think they meet around that time.”
“You’re joining the band?”
“Yeah, I’ve always been too shy to join but I made it a resolution this year to get out of my comfort zone!” Kai beams with excitement.
Taehyun knew Kai always had a passion for music since he would not stop singing in his car every time they drove literally anywhere. Although he was disappointed his best friend couldn’t join him in his tutoring sessions, he was glad that Kai found a hobby to occupy his time.
“So when do you start?” Kai asks.
Taehyun shrugs his shoulders. “I guess tonight. I’ll just see if anyone comes.” Taehyun smiles softly, feeling proud that the professor chose him as her teacher’s assistant. He wanted to prove to her and himself that he was competent to achieve this task.
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The glow that Taehyun had been radiating the whole day slowly dissipates as he sits in the lecture room by himself that night. He was browsing his notes when he heard the door latch open and close. The noise echoing against the walls of the room. The figure approaches him. A shadow draws closer and closer. The only person he did not expect to see at this hour, casually walks in.
Just like he did freshman year in his chemistry class.
Just like he did the first day of school.
Just like this morning…
“Hi, Taehyun. It’s been awhile.”
Oh shit.
He could explain a lot of things. He could tell you about all the stars that orbit every planet. He could recite more than 100 numbers in Pi. He could describe, in explicit detail, the history of Korea.
He could not, however, explain why he reacts the way he does when he sees the mysterious boy. The way his face heats up, his chest tightens, and the way he struggles to breathe by just his sight alone.
When he first met Beomgyu, he had similar symptoms. He always thought it was envy, or rage, or irritation. But this time, his fists didn’t tighten like they usually do when he’s mad.
Although the blonde boy was still several feet away from him, it was the closest they’ve ever been. Taehyun pushes his glasses further up the bridge of his nose to refocus his vision on the boy in front of him.
He looked different from the first day. Instead of disappearing in the abyss that was his black hoodie, he wore a white shirt and black cardigan that hugged the shape of his arms. The cardigan snuggly fit his frame with the shirt tucked into his slacks. He looked more put together than before. But his tired face remained the same. With slight darkness that lined underneath his eyes and the dullness that never escaped them. Despite that, he still looked like an angel. A fallen angel, perhaps.
He looks… good. Shit.
“Hi-i Beomgyu.”
Why am I nervous? More importantly, why is he here?
“I heard you were holding tutoring sessions here,” Beomgyu continues.
Taehyun might have just melted away by hearing the deepness of his voice again. He shakes the thought away and regains his focus. “What are you doing here?” he asks callously.
What could the supposed child genius be doing at a tutoring session?
“I’m not allowed to be here?” he asks as one side of his grin lifts up in a smirk.
Taehyun shoots him a cold look. “Please don’t tell me she asked you to be a TA too.”
Lee Hyori, you bitch. I should have known she was being way too nice this morning. She was setting me up.
“Actually no.”
Taehyun looks at him perplexed. Then what other reason would he be doing here?
“I need your help.”
Again, the universe must think his life is so fucking funny for making it a living hell. Taehyun scoffs at him and returns his eyes to his laptop “Yeah right,” he says.
“I’m serious.” This time Beomgyu closes the gap between them. Any closer and Taehyun might just go into respiratory distress as his lungs tighten. Beomgyu is only a few feet away now, looming over him. Taehyun looked up to meet his eyes and made slight glimpses of desperation in his face. “I-I can’t always make it to class. Because, uh—” he looks away, avoiding the piercing eyes of Taehyun’s icy gaze.
What is this? Beomgyu being nervous?
Taehyun remembers what Kai had said last night at the Hub. “Or he has a secret lover!” The memory itself almost freezes him again.
Whatever was on Beomgyu’s mind must really be bothering him. Why else would he have a hard time speaking when he usually is so confident. Although he is curious, he knows not to pry for details. At least not right now. It must be hard enough to muster the courage to ask your academic rival for his help. “So, what do you want from me?”
Beomgyu nervously looks at him again. He runs his fingers through his ashy blonde hair. “Can you lend me your notes?”
Huh? When did Choi Beomgyu need notes? Or do his homework for that matter?
“Not just for Dr. Lee’s class. But for all of them,” he adds nervously.
Taehyun starts coughing as his lungs finally remember to breathe again. His face turned pale from the lack of oxygen. “What!? We don’t have the same classes!”
As they are both pre-med students, they most certainly do have the same classes in order to graduate and qualify for medical school. Taehyun knows this very well. Although they have the same classes, they didn’t always have them together, the exception being Dr. Lee’s class.
“I have to do something in the morning which makes it hard to attend classes. But if I don't keep up, I'll lose my scholarship and I can’t graduate. If you could just lend me your notes, I can just show up to take the test and hopefully still pass. I know we’re not close, but I really need your help. I need you, Taehyun-ah.”
“I need you, Taehyun-ah”
Just the sound of his name coming from the deep voice sends the hairs of his arms to stick up.
“Can we put our differences aside and try to be friends?”
How could I ever be friends with you? What tricks are you playing, Beomgyu?
Although he was suspicious of the request at hand, he couldn’t help but notice the sincerity in his voice. The tall boy that stood before him seemed so small, so helpless. It stirred something inside Taehyun. He knew it would be a mistake to help his rival.
“No,” Taehyun says coldly. He turns away but Beomgyu steps closer.
“Taehyun, please. I need your help. I’ll pay you, I’ll bring you snacks from my mom’s bakery, I’ll…I’ll do anything,” Beomgyu insists. Taehyun turns around again and looks at Beomgyu.
Why is he so persistent?
Taehyun looks at genuine desperation in those dark doe eyes. That stirring feeling in his stomach grows stronger and it makes him feel strange. Taehyun grimaces a little.
You need an opponent to stay in the game, right?
So without further question, he reluctantly concedes. “Uh, I guess,” Taehyun hesitantly says. And before he could add anything else, he saw a small gleam of light start to awaken in the eyes before him. Beomgyu’s white teeth were exposed as his smile grew from ear to ear.
The warmth that radiated from the blonde boy could have melted the ice inside his soul just now. Taehyun breaks away from his gaze and turns away. The familiar rush starts spreading.
“Thank you, Taehyun-ah! I’ll see you tomorrow then!”
Taehyun cooly nods as Beomgyu makes his exit, still beaming in joy.
When the blonde is out of sight, Taehyun lets out a sigh and drops his head on to the desk. He brings his hands to cover his ears and feels the heat that has encompassed his whole face.
Lee Hyori, you bitch.
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“The number you have dialed cannot be reached right now. Please hang up and try again…”
Dammit Kai! Answer me!
Taehyunnie aka Jack Frost:
Kai.
Pick up.
NOW!
Kai:
0.0
Sorry!!! I was stuck in a game!
Wats up???
Taehyunnie aka Jack Frost:
Code 119
He shoves his phone into his back pocket and starts picking up the pace of his steps. As Taehyun hurries to Kai’s dorm, all he can feel is the heat surrounding every inch of skin despite the autumn wind chilling his bones. All day, he was unable to catch his breath, but at this moment he really feels like he’s suffocating.
But he keeps running.
Faster. And faster.
His ribcage feels like it's shrinking into itself and his insides are piercing into his chest.
Kai’s dorm room couldn’t be any further, because he feels like he’s been running endlessly. However, much to Taehyun’s dismay, no matter how many steps he takes, no matter the distance from the lecture hall to his room, the growing flutters in his chest and the lack of air in his lungs would still exist. Because Choi Beomgyu exists.
He finally reaches Kai’s dorm. He starts hammering the door with his fist.
I swear to God, Kai if you don’t open this damn door right now I’m going to—
And suddenly, the blue-haired boy appeared in front of him, opening the door and looking at the other with confusion and worry. With a towel wrapped around his head and his PJs with little bunnies patterned across. (Kai claims it was a hand me down from his sister.)
Without a second thought at his friend's outrageous sleeping attire, he bursts through the door, and he tries to catch his breath. He drops his hands to his knee, his head now facing the ground as he kneels over to expand his lungs. There’s sweat dripping down his face.
“Taehyun! What’s the emergency!!”
Since they first met, Kai had coined the term Code 119. In Korea, it's the number used to call for life threatening emergencies. For the two boys, it was a way to express how urgently they needed help no matter the degree of “life threatening.” To Kai, our clumsy lovely puppy, he seemed to find himself in multiple series of unfortunate events that required emergent saving from his best friend. For example, when he almost failed one of the easiest classes on campus, Korean Language, he asked for a Code 119 to get test answers from Taehyun.
Part of the terms and conditions of Code 119 was that there would be no judgements from either party. Their only goal is to offer support and help. Should one breach such terms, it would be a violation of the code, and of their friendship. Despite Taehyun’s hesitation to Kai’s silly code, he still accepted. If someone were to make silly mistakes, it would almost always be Kai. And he would just breathe in a big sigh, roll up his sleeves, and make his way over to save his friend.
Despite the rumors of Taehyun being as cold as Antarctica, there was no denying that he would drop anything to help his friend and people that matter to him. There was a reason he wanted to be a doctor, the act of healing and helping others, it seemed noble to him. The prestige, paycheck, and acceptance from his parents also played a part in choosing his career path, but again, such extrinsic factors were ignited by Taehyun’s innate passion to care for others. He just doesn’t know it yet.
Here we are. Neither of the two boys would have expected that Taehyun, the usual first responder to their shared Code, was now the victim. He was asking for help. He needed to be saved—from himself.
“Tae…what’s wrong?” the younger boy asks gently. He reaches his hand over to his friend and pats his back. “Did something happen at tutoring?”
The touch of his friend is both warm and comforting. It was able to bring Taehyun out of his racing thoughts and bring him back to reality. Taehyun is able to regulate his breathing and straightens his posture. He breathes in one big deep breath before he starts to explain.
“Guess who showed up today.”
Kai thinks for a moment, “Hmmmmm …Dr. Lee?”
“Guess again.”
Kai gasps and covers his gaping mouth with his hand. Kai catches the hint. And his eyes say it all. “Beomgyu!?”
Bingo
Just hearing his name again sends shivers down his spine. But he maintains his posture and begins pacing, back and forth, back and forth. “There was no one that showed up. Which is fine. It’s still the first week of school, what work is there to be done? I was about to pack up and leave and then he just showed up!”
“Hmmm…so what does he want?”
He stops pacing and throws himself into the couch. Landing face first into the cushion to hide his burning face. “He asked me to help him.” he muttered into the cushion. His fists start tightening and the whites of his knuckles starts showing. “Ugh, why would he do that!”
Kai makes his way over and sits on the chaise of the couch. “And…?”
“That’s it,” Taehyun responds.
“That’s it? What the fuck, Taehyun! That’s it?!”
“Ya!” He throws the couch pillow to the other, “you said when we call a code we are not allowed to judge the caller of said code! Dummy! This is your thing you made up!”
“Ah, ok. Ok. I’m sorry!” Kai brings his hands together in a praying motion wishing for forgiveness from his distraught friend.
And just like a parasite, the image of the blond boy earlier creeps into his mind again.
(“I need you, Taehyun-ah”)
He starts blushing again and digs his face back into the cushion. “He said that he can’t always make it to class and wants me to give him my notes. This must be some sort of sick joke! He must be messing with me!” He starts to sit up and adjusts his glasses to properly fit on his face again.
“Why can’t he make it to class?” Kai asks.
“Didn’t say.”
“Dammit Taehyun! You’re the worst at getting details! Wait a minute. So you’re going to be spending more time with him, right?”
Taehyun winces when he hears the other speak, but nods in agreement. “Unfortunately, yes. God, I hate him! Who does he think he is just showing up whenever he wants and then he finds out that I’m the tutor and asks for my help!? He must be messing with me or better yet he wants to steal my spot. He’s the devil’s spawn, he would definitely do that.”
Kai brings his hand to his chin and starts thinking, assessing the situation. Then, Kai claps his hands together and starts bouncing up and down on the couch. Like a kid that just got rewarded some candy. “Tae, you need to find out more about him. Remember when I said this neighbor’s cousin’s friend—”
“Yes, don’t remind me,” Taehyun interrupts.
Kai locks in his gaze and continues. Now with a determined face, he turns to look at his wide eyed friend. Taehyun had only seen “Serious Kai” when he’s focused on winning a video game, so he knew that he meant business giving this stoic look. “Find out if he has a secret lover.”
And without hesitation, Taehyun replies,
“No.”
“Taehyunnie why! At least find out why he can’t show up to classes! Please!” Kai brings his hands together again, begging the other, “the curiosity is killing me! Just get to know him a little more, you know, sweet talk him a bit. Just drop the question like ‘oh hey why have you been missing’ or ‘are you seeing someone’…?”
“No,” he denies again.
Kai is silent and gives him a deadpan look.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Taehyun says.
The blue haired boy throws his hands up in defeat. “Ok fine. I guess you don’t want to know if he has someone special he needs to attend to. Someone that he’s willing to drop his grades for. Someone he needs to see every morning. Someone he can’t live without. Someone he loves…”
Does he love someone?
“No. Kai, no!” Taehyun shakes his head in disbelief. “I don’t get involved in people’s personal matters! I could care less, especially if it involves the likes of Choi Beomgyu! Whatever he’s going through is none of our business. He definitely doesn’t have a,” Taehyun raises his two fingers to make floating quotation marks, “secret lover. Kai, c’mon, let’s be realistic. He’s probably just scheming ways to ruin my life.”
Kai rolls his eyes. “I really don’t think the first thing Beomgyu wants to do when he gets back from school is to ruin your life. He probably has other worries like…,” Kai raises his eyebrows, “secret loverrrr.”
“Stop that,” Taehyun says sternly, “it’s still a no.”
Then a lightbulb switches on in Kai’s head. How do you make the most stubborn person in the world do something for you? Make it a competition.
“Okay, then prove me wrong,” Kai interjects.
“Huh?”
“If you can prove that he doesn’t have a secret lover then I’ll stop talking about it.” Kai contemplates for a moment then continues, “And if he does then I was right and I win! The loser has to pay the tab at the Hub for a whole year!”
“Kai, you’ve said a lot of questionable things since I’ve known you, but I think this tops it.”
“It's just a friendly competition, Tae,” Kai says as his smile becomes more mischievous. “Unless you’re afraid of losing.”
And if there’s one thing Taehyun hates more than Kai’s incessant gossip talk, it’s being a loser.
Rationally, it doesn’t make sense. The odds being that they revolve on the erroneous fact whether Beomgyu is secretly seeing someone. It really could be a coin flip because there is not enough evidence to prove one side over the other. Despite the floating doubt of Kai’s intelligence, this was Kai’s plan all along.
He turns to his friend who sits there in deep contemplation, “Taehyun, you know how in the military there’s a secret agent that snoops out the other side. All they are doing is gathering intel to break down the enemy team. Think of it as just gathering intel on Beomgyu. In case it makes you feel any better, let’s say you lose our bet, at least you have gathered information to target the opposing force. Since you say you hate his guts so much.”
Taehyun looks at his friend. Meeting his eyes in the stupid bunny PJ set who has now extended his hand towards him for a handshake. Taehyun doesn’t back down when called to a competition, but in this case, should he lose the bet with Kai, at least he has leads on his enemy.
It’s just gathering intel, right?
And so, Taehyun extends his hand to meet Kai’s and with a firm shake of their hands, Taehyun agrees to their bet.
“Deal.”
As Taehyun makes his exit out of Kai’s room, Kai mutters to himself, “remind me why people think you’re so smart.” He chuckles to himself as he turns around. The mouse has just fallen into his trap. “Taehyun, you’re too easy.”