Chapter Text
It’s two days until the funeral, and Todd still won’t let it sink in. Billy isn’t allowed to be dead. He was always supposed to be here. Him and Paul were supposed to stay with him and raise Summer together and live happily ever after, but now they’re not here.
Todd can’t help but hate God. Billy devoted his whole life to Him, he was the kindest vicar and man he had ever met. Of all the people that deserve to die, Billy was on the bottom of that list.
He couldn’t help but wish it was him instead. Summer needed her dad, her best dad, and now she had lost him. He was always there for her and now she’s lost three of her dads. He wasn’t good enough for her, especially on his own. If he had died instead, Billy would know how to help her. He’d know exactly what to say. But Todd knew nothing.
He hadn’t looked at the suit he’d picked out for the funeral since the day he’d decided on it. If he looked at it, he’d have to wear it. It would be real. Billy would be dead and he’d never be able to see him again.
Theo moved back into their room only a few days ago. Todd had been unsure, but he needed someone to hold. He needed Theo more than he would ever admit. It felt nice to have him completely back. It was as though everything was alright again in those small moments when he held him. It didn’t matter if the guilt was eating him up inside, or if the grief was consuming him whole, Theo would hold him like he wasn’t disgusting. It was nice.
Summer had been staying over theirs every night since it had happened. Under any other circumstances, it would’ve been nice to see her so much. It had been ages since he’d spent so much time with her. But the circumstances weren’t different. She was there because she had nowhere else other than a flat filled with ghosts that Todd still couldn’t face entering. Hearing her cry every night was possibly the worst sound Todd had ever heard. He was glad that he could somewhat elevate that pain for her, however small. Anything he could do for her, he’d do it.
Countless people had messaged him. It didn’t happen all at once, they were probably scared to intrude, but by after a week since it happened, the whole street had practically flooded his phone with condolences and deepest sympathies. People had offered to come round, to cook for him, but the thought made him nauseous. He couldn’t bear to see their faces, not in his own home. Theo was right, he wouldn’t be able to stop wondering what they were thinking of him. They had every right to blame him, he blamed himself, but he didn’t want to see it for himself.
Instead, he stayed in the flat with Summer and Theo most days, sometimes going out to the funeral parlour, sometimes to the pub with Theo, but never anywhere on his own. Theo stuck by him every step. He was a good man.
Today, Todd sat on the edge of their bed, staring at the date on his phone. He couldn’t believe it was the same month. It wasn’t even February and 2026 had already thrown this at him. His train of thought was only stopped when Theo snatched his phone.
“What’re you staring at?”
Todd quickly came back to what was left of himself.
“Nothing. Just zoned out, I guess.”
“Hey,” Theo extended an arm to his shoulder, “talk to me, yeah? I’m here for you, I know it’s hard right now.”
Understatement of the century.
“It’s okay, I’ll be okay. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Doesn’t stop me worrying though, does it?”
About to protest, Theo wrapped him in a tight hug. It felt strange. It was strong, the same kind of strong that could hold him down on the bed despite any resistance. Ignoring his thoughts, he tried to sink into it.
“Never feel like you can’t talk to me. I love you, you got that?”
He couldn’t see it, but Todd could hear the exact smile Theo had plastered on his face. The smile that he showed to others who thought him charming, the smile that would follow any action he made that could be seen as strange, that made everything okay even if it really wasn’t. There was no disagreeing with it.
“I love you too.”
They let the sentence sit in the air for a little. It was probably one of the most honest things he’d ever say, but that bar was low. He loved Theo more than he knew how to express. He sometimes wished that was all that mattered.
The hug ended and Theo’s smile was right in front of him once again. The amount of teeth the man could show in one smile was insane, though he’d never tell him that. It reminded him of a shark, he didn’t know if that would make Theo happy or not. So he remained silent.
“Right, breakfast then?”