Chapter Text
~Two years ago, ~
“Remember I will always love you,” Suo whispered into Sakura’s ear, which he softly groaned as if he was giving a response. Sleep still clouds his body, leaving Suo alone by his side. He slowly unwrapped himself from Sakura’s embrace as he tried to get off the bed. This will be the last time he will be able to sleep in this bed…with him.
Sakura snuggled deeper into their shared blankets, as if he was making sure it still had Suo’s scent on them. That will soon fade out over time; Hayato stared at Haruka’s sleeping figure; the moonlight can do so little to grace his beauty. His silver hair shines against his midnight hair, yet they clash together so daring. His beauty is unmatched. Not even the stars can compare to his darling.
Soon you can’t call him that anymore…
You mess up your chances already.
Not liking the tone of his thoughts, Suo doesn’t even remember when his love faded towards the younger man.
Hmm…
Faded is not the word for what he is feeling. The void in his heart is not fading.
Empty sounds perfect.
A shell of a monster.
They have been together roughly four years; been dating since their third year in high school. Both of them were each other’s first that Suo will always cherish but he cannot meet Sakura’s gaze anymore. The hopeful look at Haruka’s eyes brings him a pang of guilt as he knows he is causing this behavior. There are no more cute dates between them anymore, just work and sleep for the both of them. Even when Sakura tries to plan something Suo would be quick to shut down the idea stating that he was too tired to go out.
He doesn’t linger his touch on him anymore nor gives him a glance when Sakura takes the time to brew tea for him. The lack of warmth is gone from Suo, but he tries so hard to gain back that warmth for himself.
“Hayato, I managed to find your favorite tea at the store while I was shopping around!” Haruka smiled while he was brewing the tea on the stove. A must have at their household as Suo lives off on tea. However, he did not get a response from his lover. Hayato was just reading his paper on the table, seemingly ignoring the man. Thinking that Hayato didn’t notice his presence since he was engrossed with his paper, he places the cup of tea of front of him. “See! Oolong Tea,” Haruka smiled softly however his smile soon fade once Suo push away the tea away from him. “Not now, Haruka.” and that was the end of the conversation.
He is aware of his actions but there is nothing to stop it. You cannot force feelings to appear again if they are gone. The smile that used to be a sweet sight has now become a bitter reminder of the lack of emotions he is feeling. Suo Hayato truly cares for his darling, but the familiar demons are winning the war inside his mind.
“Why do you always act this way with me?” Haruka suddenly burst out one evening while they were eating dinner. Suo did not response right away, already knowing he is going to get a headache soon. Haruka’s eyes were glossy with unfallen tears, “You say you want to be with me but lately you been giving me a cold gaze. What happens Hayato? Is it me? What can I do to make you happy again?” Again, Sakura was met with silence and did not have the heart to fight back. Hayato just sighed and walked over to Haruka’s side. “Nothing is wrong with you my darling…I’m sorry for acting distant.” He apologized; this is just routine at this point. Haruka quickly pulled him a hug, just wanting to be close to his boyfriend.
Suo slowly reached out his hand to brush Sakura's hair out of his face, but he stopped himself. He should not do this to Haruka, breaking his heart even further. Hell, he doesn’t feel anything anymore, he's been drifting for years. That wasn’t the intention, he did plan to propose to Haruka last year, but he felt that Haruka deserved better. He was never meant to have a happy ending for himself. “Humans emotions are a sign of weakness” his master’s lesson echoed in his mind.
Why can't I have my own happy ending?
You literally have a wonderful partner, but you don't know how to treat him right.
Haruka groaned softly as he stretched out slightly and patted Suo’s side, searching for his sleeping figure. As soon as he felt his warm hand, Haruka gently pulled his hand to his lips, kissing it mumbling “I love you,” and pulled his hand closer to his face.
That was the nail to the coffin, this man has so much love for Hayato, tearing down years of trauma from his past, giving his all to make sure that Hayato was heard and yet he cannot give back the same amount of love and care to give to Haruka. “Please forgive me Haruka. You don’t need this broken man by your side.” Suo muttered, feeling the familiar cold dread.
Kissing him one last time won't hurt him, right?
Just to break his heart even further. Pathetic man.
He leaned down to kiss Haruka's lips one last time, trying to engrave his taste in his memories, the warmth that he once loved receiving. It's now a distant memory, maybe he can regain the love he had before and make it up to Haruka. Suo stood up straight, took a deep breath and headed to the bedroom door. He glanced over Sakura’s sleeping form once more and did not look back. Suo can’t.
He walked past the framed photos of Haruka and himself on the wall. The bright smiles from each other's faces, old receipts from past dates, and finally a handwritten letter that Hayato had written to Haruka to confess his feelings with. He reached out towards the letter, touching the paper with care and let it go gently. He should not linger too long and close the door behind him.
Leaving Sakura Haruka…