Chapter Text
Group Chat - Ninja Support Group
Copycat: hey guys???
Doc Bot is online
Thief is online
Brown Ninja is online
Thief: whats up skylor
Brown Ninja: hey girl been awhile!!
Copycat: so i have kai at my apt rn
Thief: kinky
Doc Bot: Please tell me you did not log onto the chat just to tell us you and your boyfriend are doing Things
Copycat: ew no old man
Doc Bot: Good because that’s NOT what this chat is for
Brown Ninja: i thought this chat was for memes
Thief: stfu dareth
Doc Bot: Ronin, why are you even still here?
Copycat: no ok so
Copycat: we wer ejust talking, and i mentioned my birthday’s coming up
Copycat: he asked me how old I was turning
Brown Ninja: Omg ur not supposed to ask a girl her age
Thief: Did u slap him
Copycat: no I told him??? I’m turning 31. and then he got CONCERNED and asked me how old I was when we met because he thought i was 19 when we met, which I was
Copycat: he then started counting on his fingers
Copycat: guys he looked so HORRIFIED???
Doc Bot: Why would he be horrified?
Copycat: no no no it gets worse
Copycat: he asked me what YEAR it was
Copycat: i said 2026 AND THEN HE COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT???
Copycat: he’s still sitting on my couch having a fucking mental breakdown
Thief: Haha lol did midlife crisis hit him already
Copycat: no I asked him what year he thought it was
Copycat: ronin he thought it was 2014 still
Brown Ninja: Wait WHAT?
Doc Bot: How?
Thief: wiat the tourn was in 2014 wasn’t it?
Copycat: yes!
Copycat: apparently he vaguely knew sometime had passed but that was the last year he remembered definitively
Copycat: kai lost track of what year it was OVER A DECADE AGO
Copycat: do
Copycat: do any of the other ninja knw what yr it is
Copycat: scratch that how old are the ninja now
Doc Bot: One moment.
Doc Bot is offline
…
Doc Bot is online
Doc Bot: Alright I took the liberty of pulling the Ninja’s records.
Doc Bot: Okay I did not realize Zane was that old. According to his father’s blueprints he was first built in 1948.
Doc Bot: My father was born in 1949. Zane is LITERALLY older than my father.
Brown Ninja: well that’s unsettling
Thief: if they weren’t both robots I would b v concerned hes dating ur daughter
Doc Bot: Yes, I would be as well. Hmm.
Doc Bot: I’m gonna tease him when I see him next.
Brown Ninja: Don’t.
Copycat: oh shit dareth used proper grammar
Brown Ninja: yeah zane’s sensitive about his age
Brown Ninja: i called him old man once and he started crying
Brown Ninja: you WILL make him cry and the others WILL punt you
Brown Ninja: it would hurt worse coming from u doc
Doc Bot: Oh… nevermind.
Doc Bot: Wait would they?
Thief: i watched cole pull wu and garm by their ears once
Thief: yes yes they would
Brown Ninja: they will
Brown Ninja: pls don’t
Doc Bot: Okay, damn.
Doc Bot: Back to the conversation at hand, the next oldest Ninja chronologically is actually Lloyd.
Thief: huh???
Doc Bot: Yes, I was surprised as well.
Doc Bot: But considering his parents married after the Serpentine War, it did bother me for a long time because I’ve seen pictures of the Ninja together with Lloyd as a young child, and then he was a teenager during the final battle, but then his voice DOESN’T CHANGE until ten years later???
Doc Bot: So as it turns out, Lloyd is aging slower due to his Oni/Dragon physiology.
Doc Bot: Not as slowly as his father and uncle, mind you, but still slower than us.
Doc Bot: Lloyd was born in 1981 so he is chronologically FORTY FIVE YEARS OLD.
Brown Ninja: WTF???
Brown Ninja: I’m 43???
Brown Ninja: LLOYD’S OLDER THAN ME???
Copycat: Holy shit
Copycat: Kai’s the next oldest tho right?
Doc Bot: He is.
Doc Bot: Kai was born in 1993, meaning he is now 33.
Doc Bot: Hmm…
Thief: Wait he’s 33???
Thief: I thought he was older???
Thief: WAIT COLE JAY AND NYA ARE YOUNGER THAN KAI WAIT
Thief: HOW OLD ARE THEY???
Doc Bot: Jay is a year younger than Kai, and Cole and Nya are both two years younger than Jay.
Doc Bot: Making Jay 32, and Cole and Nya 30 respectively.
Thief: I
Thief: …
Thief is offline
Brown Ninja: Whoa
Doc Bot: Ah, I’m guessing he just now realizing he was flirting with a girl his daughter’s age.
Copycat: wait HUH
Brown Ninja: Nya
Copycat: first cole now ronin
Copycat: no wonder it took so long for her to get back with jay
Brown Ninja: LMAO
Doc Bot: So I just texted Zane.
Copycat: yeah?
Doc Bot: He does not know what year it is either.
Doc Bot: “My internal clock has not been recalibrated since my time in the Never-Realm.”
Doc Bot: THAT WAS ALMOST NINE YEARS AGO???
Brown Ninja: got cole on the phone
Brown Ninja is offline
…
Brown Ninja is online
Brown Ninja: 2017?!
Brown Ninja: AND NYA THOUGHT IT WAS 2016
Brown Ninja: WHERE THE FUCK DID THE NINJA GET LOST???
Copycat: they
Copycat: none of them know what year it is???
Doc Bot: Apparently not.
Doc Bot: …
Doc Bot: That scares me.
Brown Ninja: same
Copycat: same
Brown Ninja: WAIT
Brown Ninja: what year does lloyd think it is?
Doc Bot: Let me ask.
Doc Bot is offline
…
Doc Bot is online
Doc Bot: How the FUCK does he think it’s 2008???
Brown Ninja: WHAT
Copycat: when ddi the ninja meet???
Doc Bot: 2010!!!
Doc Bot: WHERE WAS LLOYD LIVING BEFORE???
Doc Bot: HE’S MISSING ALMOST 20 YEARS
Brown Ninja: I think he was at Darkley’s…?
Doc Bot: I found his enrollment records.
Doc Bot: HE WAS EXPELLED IN 2007
Doc Bot: THE NINJA DON’T MEET HIM UNTIL 2011
Doc Bot: WHERE WAS HE FOR THOSE 4 YEARS IN BETWEEN?!
Doc Bot: I’m calling Sensei Wu. This is
Doc Bot: This is unacceptable.
Doc Bot: How in the First Spinjitzu Master’s name do none of the Ninja know what year it is?
Doc Bot: And Lloyd’s whereabouts being unknown for a whole four year period is
Doc Bot: How does this even happen?
Thief is online
Thief: I’m back.
Brown Ninja: wb
Copycat: u ok?
Thief: No.
Doc Bot: Honestly, at this point?
Doc Bot: Same.