Chapter Text
It starts as everything starts in Shane’s life, during a hockey practice.
This one is optional technically, two days before a game against Toronto, but Shane Hollander doesn’t do optional. He’s obsessive and anal, and he loves hockey to the point that Ilya calls him boring. Thankfully Ilya gets it but sometimes Shane wonders if he need to branch out and try new things. Even if just the thought of that sends his anxiety twisting.
When practice is done and he’s showered (with the travel bottle he keeps in his gym bag cause the gym soap dries weird) pants on but no shirt yet cause he hates how it sticks to him, he checks his phone.
The 16 messages from Lily are expected with Ilya traveling to Detroit this week. Ilya has a strong but unsupported hatred of Detroit. The ‘vibes are bad Shane’ was the last claim Shane had heard and he is prepared to read even less substantiated claims.
He’s unprepared to see a group chat he’s been added to.
Shane is only a part of a few group chats. One that Rose put together with a bunch of her not out queer friends that he keeps muted but likes to scroll through every once in a while (they have good memes). The group chat with the whole team he only keeps up with for Captain Reasons but keeps it muted too. The one with both of his parents that his mom uses more often than her single thread with him cause ‘Your Dad deserves to be in the loop too’. And finally the one with Jackie and Hayden which is mostly him and Jackie bullying Hayden and Hayden being increasingly frustrated with their antics.
This is not even close to those.
❤️ OTTAWA WAGS ❤️
Shane has thankfully doesn’t have previews on, never has really, but he swipes the -Jesus- 45 messages away from his home screen and books it out of the locker room.
His clothes cling to his skin uncomfortably but the presence of the group chat notifications smothers that feeling.
How the fuck did they get his number? Ilya wouldn’t have given it out willy nilly. The only real fight they’ve been having recently is about telling people but Ilya understands the anxiety Shane has around this topic even if he’s starting to get a little fed up with it.
What do they know?
Shane takes a deep breath and thinks about nothing but operating his car. Honestly Shane can make this trip in his sleep, and sometimes after a tough game it really feels like he does, but he hates finding himself driving around while his anxiety is high, it feels sometimes like an out of body experience and then falling back into himself in the middle of driving freaks him the fuck out, worse than whatever else he’s stressing about. So he makes it a point of shoving whatever it is down, not thinking about it and makes it home safely. Back out of the parking space, leave the parking lot stop sign here, turn there, stoplight here, etc until he is sitting in the underground garage at his apartment complex. He gathers his things. Takes the elevator. Gets off walks to the second elevator gets on that one. Unlocks his door.
Shane has a very specific after practice routine and even with the chat looming he knows he will feel better once he’s done. So he gathers his sweaty work out clothes from the dirty bag inside his big bag. Throws them in his laundry bin inside his laundry room. Goes to his room and gathers a new workout outfit and his under-uniform and puts that in their designated pouches in his bag along with a new roll of body tape and two rolls of stick tape. Once his bag is packed he rolls out his yoga mat in between his living room and kitchen and does a quick stretch routine.
He goes through the motions of making himself a smoothie. Thankfully he portioned out the fruit and veg before so it’s a three step process. Only once the blender is rinsed and in the dishwasher and his smoothie is sitting on a coaster on the bar does Shane sit down and fish out his phone.
The safer option is Ilya’s messages, they read like the dramatic nonsense Shane has been expecting.
detroit customs is so slow
the guy at the desk gave me a weird look
i think the air here is poisoned
All his drama makes Shane smile, gives him just enough bravery to check the group chat.
❤️ OTTAWA WAGS ❤️
343 568 456 (nicole boyle)
ok so i did something kinda bad
613 209 1976 (cassie boodram)
what did you do.
613 882 0088 (Selina)
she could have just ordered a coffee with full fat milk again
613 209 1976 (CB)
it’s 4pm
613 882 0088 (SC)
we don’t know
613 209 1976 (CB)
Nicole honey who the fuck is this.
343 568 456 (NB)
ok but like that’s what i did wrong
613 209 1976 (CB)
who is that number
613 882 0088 (SC)
is that a montreal area code?
343 568 456 (NB)
ok so like chill for a second and i’ll tell you
guys?
613 209 1976 (CB)
we’re waiting
343 568 456 (NB)
oh right
so like i was picking up connor but he was taking for ever so i went inside
and i was snooping around the locker room
smells terrible in there
but i found rozanovs phone
he doesn’t have his message notifications visible so i couldn’t read anything but it was glitching so i just took a photo of the number
613 209 1976 (CB)
and why the fuck did you add this random number into this group chat
343 568 456 (NB)
well should i mention that i found this number like 3 weeks ago and since then i have asked like 4 players at different times and places about rozanov and what they know about him?
613 209 1976 (CB)
ok and so what
why are you asking the players so many questions about their coworker
613 882 0088 (SC)
What did you find out Sherlock?
343 568 456 (NB)
he texts like one number all the time and zane said he saw the name jane on the top of the screen
613 209 1976 (CB)
zane’s locker is like right next to his so he could see that
But why did you ask him that
343 568 456 (NB)
but also rozanov has hinted to the team that he moved to ottawa for someone so…
613 882 0088 (SC)
texting someone all the time and also being in a relationship no one knows about
343 568 456 (NB)
exactly so i thought it over and added whoever it is to the group
613 209 1976 (CB)
nicola that is crazy
343 568 456 (NB)
should we take her out of the chat?
613 882 0088 (SC)
Ma poupette she’s already here
343 568 456 (NB)
sorry jane?
613 882 0088 (SC)
Oui sorry Jane
613 209 1976 (CB)
sorry jane
im so sorry
this is crazy
613 882 0088 (SC)
Je suis désolé Jane but welcome to chaos?
343 568 456 (NB)
i mean im just so curious about rozanov the boys all say he’s so closed off so i was trying to help you know?
Helping is good last I checked
613 209 1976 (CB)
honey lets not try and do anything helpful unless you run it by like 3 separate people.
613 882 0088 (SC)
Yeah Nicola this is insane
You basically broke into someone’s phone ma poupette
343 568 456 (NB)
yeah
i should have asked
I don’t think he would have given it to me but
anyway
Shane doesn’t really know how to feel. On one hand he’s upset that his private life is being spread around. Mad that they somehow got his number in the first place cause that was just the perfect storm. Upset that this Nicola woman talked about Ilya behind his back to his new teammates. But another part of himself is amused. Like what the fuck. This is so crazy it’s absurd and hilarious. he’s trying to completely process when a new massage comes up.
343 568 456 (NB)
soooo it’s jane right?
and Shane answers before he can really think about it.
Shane
it’s Shane actually.
Fuck no Shane what the fuck are you thinking! You need to be less suspicious Jesus man!
Shane
Ilya thought it would be safer if i was saved as Jane
There that was the truth but hopefully heteronormativity took care of the rest of it.
343 374 5448 (SC)
Oh crimpuff yeah probably safer
613 209 1976 (CB)
yeah no shit
613 882 0088 (SC)
Wait a girl named Shane?
613 209 1976 (CB)
i have a friend named james and she like exclusively uses jamie on like all the dating apps and shit cause men are weird about it so i get it girl
343 568 456 (NB)
yeah sel don’t be silly
Shane can be a girls name
Even if its not popular
Some parents just want to be unique
Have their baby be special
613 882 0088 (SC)
Désolé!! Shane
Shane
i get it no worries!
343 374 5448 (SC)
so Shane what is up with you?
Shane
uh mostly just reading Ilyas dramatic texts?
343 374 5448 (SC)
what!!!
613 209 1976 (CB)
ooOoo
343 568 456 (NB)
You have to tell us immediately
We know nothing about this man
You have to tell us
Shane
not to be rude but like who are you all?
613 209 1976 (CB)
oh shit!
cassie boodram
343 374 5448 (SC)
selina chourird
343 568 456 (NB)
i’m nicola boyle
343 374 5448 (SC)
416 235 9957 this number is Lisa Hayes
343 281 7048 and this one is Caitlin Dykstra
613 538 9194 and this one is Gabi Jones (Tanner Dillion GF)
lisa’s a doctor so she’s probably on shift rn
caitlyn as our group chat muted rn lol
and idk where gabi is she’s usually all over this stuff
Shane
thanks!
343 374 5448 (SC)
no prob!!
343 568 456 (NB)
soooo dramatic texts?
Details Shane
Shane
uhhh no comment until i talk to Ilya?
613 209 1976 (CB)
boooooo nooooo complaining about the men in our lives is like half the chat 😔
Shane
noted 😆
Shane mutes the chat, still feeling all out of sorts about it. He grabs his headphones, charging on the kitchen island as always. He checks his calendar making sure Ilya is off his flight before texting him back.
out of practice want to chat?
Ilya is calling seconds later.
“Hey,” Shane answers breathless no matter how often he answers these phone calls he’s still giddy about the thought of hearing Ilyas voice.
"Hi Sweetheart” Shane can hear the pout in his voice already jesus. Shane can’t even hold a neutral expression cause his boyfriend is so fucking cute even when he’s being annoying. “You didn’t text me back.”
“i would have but-“ Shane stops thinking of how he wants to talk about this. casual, mad, intrigued? Shane still doesn’t really know how he feels but maybe that’s the point. he can tell Ilya and he can help him figure it out together.
“But-?” Ilya prompts gently. If Shane wanted to let it go he could change the subject and Ilya wouldn’t care. Shane knows this and he goes a little mushy with the reminder.
“I uh- I got added to the Ottawa wags group chat?”
There is a long pause and all Shane get is a short “what?” from the other end
“Yeah I mean I got out of practice and I had all these notifications from you and this group chat. Apparently one of the wives? Saw your phone on the bench and it was glitching showing all the numbers instead of names and she just took a picture?? Which like- I have so many thoughts about but like they were just nosy? they want to help the boys get to know you? I think? I don’t know.”
“Someone came into locker room and took your phone number from my phone?” Ilya growls.
“yeah.” Shane sighs. “I don’t like that part.”
“Hollander you are too kind” Ilya says and Shane can hear the eyeroll in it. It’s still wild how Shane can hear stuff like that just from speaking to his boyfriend. God he loves him even when he’s rolling his eyes at him.
“Probably.” Shane responds too mushy from thinking how well he knows his boyfriend. Ilya huffs a laugh at him, he can read Shane just as well, so he absolutely knows his mind wondered a little.
“Ok,” Ilya grumbles getting them back on track. “I will have a talk with… someone. This is not acceptable.”
“Yeah ok” Shane responds softly. Touched Ilya is willing to take this to someone. It’s just a silly little group chat, he’s involved in a couple so part of him thinks it shouldn’t be a big deal. But Ilya is having a similar reaction so Shane’s can’t be totally off base here and that’s comforting knowing someone else is feeling the same feelings.
“Are you ok?” Ilya asks softly. Shane breaths in the intimacy, the care.
“Yeah, I mean I’m not- I mean, I’m uncomfortable with how they got my number but not necessarily being apart of the chat itself?” Shane admits.
“oh?”
“Yeah they seem interesting honestly and one of the girls was telling off the one that took my number so like at least they know it was wrong?”
“Good.” Ilya is firm, and Shane’s breath hitches a little cause its just shy of the tone of voice he uses in the bedroom sometimes and Shane is basically Pavlov’ed into getting hard whenever he uses it. “But you’re fine in the group chat?”
“I told them my name was Shane.” He admits, bracing himself for yelling. He’s not sure he wouldn't be yelling at Ilya if the positions were reversed. Shane knows though that Ilya wants to tell people. Not everyone, just anyone and Shane’s the one that can’t. Ilya gasps and Shane hastens to clarify. “Not that I’m a boy! Just that my name is Shane and that you found it safer if my name in you phone was Jane and they just assumed I was a girl named Shane and one girl even brought up her friend who’s name is James but goes by Jamie cause men are weird."
“mmm men are pigs.” Ilya muses sounding slightly amused and Shane takes that as a good sign.
“Exactly! And like I don’t know. At the end of the day I’m just mostly going to be talking about you. And I don’t get to talk about you to many people. Maybe i want to …brag a little.” By the end Shane’s voice is small, hesitant. He’s never said this out loud before and hopes Ilya doesn’t get to mad at all the contradictory shit he’s been saying. We can’t tell people. I can’t tell people. I want to tell people. God even in his head he sounds crazy. He’s exhausted at himself. Why can’t he make this easier on the person he treasures most in the world?
"You want to brag about bagging the hottest hockey player. The most handsome and sexy Ilya Rozanov. The top scorer in the league.” Ilya tone goes from worried and mad to sultry in seconds. Shane shivers.
“Second highest scorer.” Shane responds automatically before sighing and trying to be honest “Yeah, maybe I want to tell them how cute you can be sometimes. Or how you hate when I don’t pay attention to you enough.” Ilya whines at his teasing “Maybe about how he can serve it but can’t take it”
“No but I can serve you dinner and you make dinner?” Ilya says teasing, he does this sometimes when he thinks English phrases are weird. Plays up the literal meaning to make Shane laugh and also to make fun of the English language.
“You can tease me forever but as soon as I say I love you you melt.” He states plainly.
“Oh! Well yes I love you too, that is why I am melty. You are my sun and iImelt for you like a popsicle.” Ilya says smugly.
“Ok ew” Shane wines trying not to think of the texture of melted popsicle on his skin.
“Not one of my better metaphors no.” Ilya muses.
“Yeah no kidding.” Shane snorts and then realizes he didn’t answer Ilya’s question “So yes locker room security is something to talk about but I'm really fine to be in it if you’re ok with it.”
“Hmm read me what they said?” Ilya asks. He’s just as nosey if not more than the women in the group chat, normally he just ends up asking people slightly inappropriate questions and then playing them off as chirps but Shane knows he likes to know everything going on in the league. Shanes not much better honestly but his is more of a professional capacity of knowing your opponent and how personal lives could affect the game. Ilya’s a gossip who uses his knowledge for evil, Shane is a strategist it’s different.
“Oh! sure” He puts his phone on speaker and scrolls up to the beginning again Ilya reacts with enthusiasm about 5 messages in when the first curse comes out. and then he becomes a captive audience of one. He get very invested into the saga being put in front of him and Shane is eating it up.
“Ma Poupette?” Ilya sounds out the word a little awkwardly adding too much air to the end of the second p.
“It means my doll.” Shane explains “Some people use it kinda like how some people use babe as a term of endearment with friends.”
“Like Rose Landry.” Ilya says drawing out Roses name like he always does.
“Yeah like Rose,” Shane confirms
“Keep going.” Ilya commands.
Shane huffs but keeps going.
“Shane what were you thinking?” he groans after Shane reads his first message
“uh I wasn’t really” Shane blushes.
“Hmm yes apparently.”
“Shut up.”
“Make me.”
Once he’s done Ilya is quiet for a couple moments. Shane lets it lie, he also need a second to process.
“So this is insane yes?” Ilya finally says sounding a little desperate, but Shane is right there with him
“The part where my number got stolen and added to grow chat against my will or that I’m thinking about staying in it?”
“Both.” He says so seriously he can basically hear the period at the end of his sentence.
“yeah, both.”
“But I am fine with you gushing.” Ilya says sounding smug, but Shane knows he means it in two ways. Smugly and seriously.
“Yeah?” Shane checks because he likes to be sure.
“Yes. I love you and I want to talk about you all them time.” Ilya sounds so wistful that Shane tears up a little.
“yeah, hey I’m sorry I’m so-“
“No Shane.” Ilya tries to shut him down but Shane can’t stop this onslaught of emotions.
“No it’s not Ok, Ilya, how fucking terrified I am about this. This isn’t fair to either of us. And like this whole day I was like panicking about what they knew who they told and I fucking told them my fucking name and they still didn’t even consider that I was a boy.“
Ilya is quiet on the other side of the phone
“I think this is making me realize just how much people are willing to overlook if it means they don’t see gay.” Shane admits scoffing.
“Hockey people are all straight. All except Scott Hunter” Ilya deadpans. The line is silent for a moment before both of them burst out laughing. It’s freeing to be able to laugh about how blind some of their peers are. “If you are happy talking to them I don’t mind. It’s not like they will have strategy for you to steal.”
“I don’t know they already seem like a resourceful bunch I’m not counting anything against them.” Shane says dryly because they stole his number off a phone they shouldn’t even have access to. He really really does’t put anything past at least this Nicola woman.
“Hmm, fair now tell me everything about the fucking Detroit.”
Shane launches into what is now the normal pre game rant. In the last year this has become something of a tradition. Shane rambles about the teams they’re playing while Ilya throws in some chirps and then after he’s thrown enough shots Ilya joins him on strategy. It’s been one of Shane’s favorite things to develop after the summer. Shane loves sharing this with Ilya. Loves sharing anything with Ilya really. But Ilya get hockey in a way no one else does. They see the ice differently but both of them are just as dedicated to being the best. They challenge each other, pushing the other out of their comfort zone and thinking just a little left of the box they're used to. It must be working cause commentators have been going on and on about how both of their playing styles have been evolving lately.
“What about Toronto?” When Shane is done expounding on how the first line has an obvious hole in their defense and how if he were captain the drills he would be running to fix it.
“I don’t play them until Thursday.” The other end of the line is suspiciously silent, “Its Tuesday.”
“Oh right.” Ilya yawns
“Go to sleep Ilya.” He says affectionately.
“No” he says petulantly, Shane smiles at the pouty face he imagines comes with the tone.
"I love you I’m getting ready for bed too.”
“I love you, stay.”
“I’ll stay on the phone.” Shane reassures “Just lay down ok?”
“hmm”
Shane putters around his house for his night routine. It’s soothing being able to hear Ilya through the headphones. Even just his breathing is comforting. If Ilya wasn’t flying to Chicago right after this game Shane might have tried to go sleep at Ilya’s house at some point this week.
Shane locks up his apartment. Washes his face while humming a song one of the boys played at practice that’s now stuck in his head. He changes into sleep gear, cursing softly as his t-shirt makes him loose one of his earbuds. He turns off the big light, bathing the room in the soft light of his bedside lamp. Ilya’s snores are still in his ears as he puts his phone to charge and switches from his earbuds to his sound headband. Shane doesn’t hang up and soon he’s lulled to sleep by the sound of his other half hundreds of miles away.