Chapter Text
Ougai sighed as he walked into the dress shop, dragging a whining Elise behind him.
“I don’t wanna be here Rintarou!!!! I wanna get candy!!!!”
He kneeled down and looked Elise in the eye.
“If you cause no problems, we can go to the candy store after this.”
Elise stopped throwing a fit and looked into his eyes with an uncharacteristic shyness.
“You promise?” She whispered, twisting her dress in her hands.
At that moment, Ougai was reminded how young Elise was. After spending most of his life with her, he often forgets that Elise is mentally only ten at that moment. He smiled softly and held up his pinky.
“I promise, Elise-chan.”
Her face brightens and she grins widely. She locked their pinkies, pressed her thumb against his, and they started singing.
Pinky promise pledge:
If you’re lying,
I’ll make you drink 1000 needles.
Pinky promised.
He stands up and takes Elise’s hand. “Do you want to help me pick out some dresses for your sister?”
Elise looks up and nods excitedly. They walk around the store, with Elise pointing at dresses she thinks her sister would like at every turn.
Thirty minutes later, they walk out of the store, each carrying a paper bag.
Elise looked up at Ougai and asked “Can we go to the candy store now?”
“Yes of course, Elise-chan,” Ougai replied, and they set off in the direction of the store.
When they reached their destination, Elise ran inside the shop and started to dash through the aisles with Ougai attempting to follow her. She then turned a corner and Ougai lost all sight of her.
“Elise-chan?” he called out, “Dear, don’t run too far off please.” When he received no reply, he shut his eyes and heaved a sigh, continuing to walk through the aisles. He should’ve expected this, really. What he didn't expect was to run face first into a wall. He opened his eyes in confusion; he’s been to this store so many times, he could navigate it with his eyes closed—which he was. He never remembered a wall being there. But when he opened his eyes it was clear to him that it was not a wall he had bumped into, but instead Fukuzawa.
Ougai backed up, putting reasonable distance between him and Fukuzawa, hoping that the flush rising to his face could be mistaken as pure embarrassment. “Ah, Fukuzawa-dono! My apologies! I was… not expecting for you to be there! What business do you have here?”
“Ranpo insisted that I take him as a celebration. He never told me what the celebration was for though. And I could ask the same of you, Mori-sensei. Do you intend to cause a problem?”
Ougai laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “No nothing like that. I took Elise-chan dress shopping with me, and I may’ve had to bribe her.”
Fukuzawa frowned, “You shouldn’t keep forcing dresses onto Elise.”
Ougai tilted his head in confusion. “But I’ve never forced a dress onto Elise-chan. And I wasn’t shopping for her." Ougai rolled his eyes at that. "I was shopping for my dau- my accountant! It’s a birthday gift for her!”
Fukuzawa raises his eyebrow, clearly skeptical, but he lets it go. At that moment, Elise runs up to them.
“Rintarou! I’m done now, let's go pay!”
“Okay Elise-chan." He smiles at the girl, then to the man in front of him, "I suppose I shall see you around Fukuzawa-dono.”
“Likewise Mori-sensei.” Fukuzawa replied with a skeptical look.
Ougai turns around, letting Elise drag him to the counter, oblivious to the way Fukuzawa’s eyes soften, as he casts a longing gaze at the retreating former doctor’s back.
⊱𓄼✿𓄹⊰
As soon as Ougai gets back to his office, he slumps down into his chair. The universe must be playing a cruel joke on him. That’s the only explanation for meeting Fukuzawa there. It’s just another reminder that Fukuzawa will never love Ougai like Ougai loves Fukuzawa. He puts his head in his hand, replaying their conversation.
‘Do you intend to cause a problem?’
‘You shouldn’t keep forcing dresses onto Elise.’
Does… Does Yuki- Fukuzawa really think of me like that?
Of course he does. You’ve never given him a reason not to.
But I thought… That after all those years working together…
Well you thought wrong. Any good opinion he had of you disappeared alongside Akiko.
Akiko… He needs to apologise to her. Even if she refuses to forgive him, she needs to know he’s sorry.
He was startled out of his internal lament by his door being thrown open by Elise, who was dragging Hiromi in.
Hiromi laughed “Elise-chan, can I open my eyes yet?”
“No!” Elise then turned to Ougai and stage whispered, “Rintarou! Get the things!”
Ougai chuckled and went to grab the bags that held the dresses they had picked out, and walked over to Hiromi and Elise when he had them. Elise held out her hand in a clear gesture of 'give it here'. Ougai complied, and set the paper bag in her hand.
“You can look now, Romi!”
Hiromi opened her eyes and gasped in delight when she saw the bags Ougai and Elise were holding out. “Elise-chan, tou-chan, you shouldn’t have!”
Elise tilted her head in confusion. “Why not? It’s your birthday! What kind of family would we be if we didn't get you a gift?”
As Hiromi's eyes started to well up, Elise started panicking. “Rintarou, what happened? Why is she crying? Did we do something wrong? Did I say something wrong?”
Hiromi let out a watery laugh. “No Elise-chan, no one has done anything wrong, I'm just… so happy. Thank you for the gifts”
Elise let out a sigh of relief at that. “That's good. But you can't open them yet! We still have to go to your birthday party!”
“Ah, Elise, how about you go ahead and make sure everything is perfect, okay?” Ougai gestured to the open door.
“Okay!” Elise ran to the door before looking back and yelling, "You better not open your gifts yet Romi!" then ran out of the room and down the hall.
Hiromi giggled, then turned to her father. "Is there a specific reason you had her go on ahead tou-chan?"
Ougai nodded. "Yes actually," He pulled out a box from behind his back and handed it to her, "this came in the mail today. It seems to have been sent from one Ango Sakaguchi."
Hiromi let out a small gasp as she took the package into her hands. "So, you're saying, this is from-"
"Your brother? Yes. Would you like to open it now?"
"I- I think I would." She starts to delicately unwrap the paper. When she lifts the lid, she sees a simple card lying atop something wrapped in tissue paper. She gently lifts the card out before handing the box to Ougai. As she reads the contents, tears start to well up again and this time she lets them freely roll down her cheeks.
Ougai doesn't pry. He knows it's not his place to — no matter how curious he is. Hiromi will share if she wants to.
He holds the box back out to her after she closes the card and wipes her cheeks. Hiromi takes the box back with a clear look of gratitude on her face. She unwraps the tissue paper and takes a sharp inhale when she picks up a silver crane hair pin.
"He remembers..?"
"Of course he does Hiromi. He's your older brother," He replied gently. "Now, let's not keep others waiting, nee?" He offers his elbow to her, and she giggles before taking it.
⊱𓄼✿𓄹⊰
After Hiromi's party, Ougai and the executives were all sitting around the meeting table, with Hiromi positioned slightly behind him, and Elise laying on the ground drawing.
"Well, as exciting as that was, we must continue with our work. No rest for the wicked I suppose." He lets out a soft sigh before waving Hiromi forward. "Kawakami-kun, what's on our schedule for this month."
Hiromi cleared her throat, before reading off her pad. "This week we have a shipment of weapons coming in, so I was considering sending either Tachihara-kun or Higuchi-kun with a squad to retrieve them. Next week we have a meeting with the boss of a new gang who wishes to—and I quote—'gain our protection',” she does air quotes and rolls her eyes at that, “though I suspect they have ulterior motives, and wish to use us for something. Week 3 you have a meeting with a new potential drug dealer, who claims to have created a quick healing drug. I intend to look into its creation process this weekend; finally, week 4 is the meeting for- eugh, Fukuchi's punishment, with the Armed Detective Agency, and the Special Division for Unusual Powers. They emailed us to confirm the date. Anything you'd like to add or change boss?"
Ougai had gone still at the mention of the ADA. That's right. I'll have to see Fukuzawa again. Soon. Too soon for my liking. I wonder if there is a way for me to get out of it. Perhaps I could claim to be sick? No, Dazai-kun knows me too well for that to work. Maybe I-
"-oss! Boss?"
Hiromi's question snapped him out of his musings, and he looked up quickly as he met her questioning gaze. "Yes Kawakami-san?"
"You spaced out. I had to call your name three times. Are you okay tou-chan?"
"Ah, yes. Don't worry about me. Go on."
"Okay… Well, I was asking if you would like to add anything"
He nodded once. "Yes. Send Tachihara-kun to retrieve the weapons as a test of loyalty, but have Gin-kun trail him; we shall offer our "protection" to the gang to see what they want from us; run a background check on this potential dealer, and email back to confirm the date. Would anybody else like to add anything?"
Kouyou softly cleared her throat and stood up. "Yes, I would like to talk about my girls and their recent performance"
Ougai waved a hand at her and replied, "The floor is yours, dear Kouyou-kun."
She gave him a saccharine smile before beginning to speak.
Ougai felt a scratch in the back of his throat. It was oddly soft, almost silky in texture. He tried to quietly clear his throat, but the thing would not budge. He could feel a tickle beginning to crawl up his chest. He tried to contain it out of respect for Kouyou, but the urge to cough grew stronger and stronger until he couldn’t ignore it anymore. The other four in the room look over in shock as he suddenly doubles over as he coughs into his palm.
"Ougai-dono?"
"Boss?"
"Tou-chan?"
"Rintarou?"
They all called out in unison, but Ougai couldn't hear them over his own coughs, desperately trying to get whatever the hell it was out of his throat. When the scratchy feeling subsided, he violently cleared his throat, before looking up and seeing his executives and daughters looking at him in confusion and lightly veiled concern.
"Tou-chan, are you sure you're okay? Because it's fine if you're not. I think you should go rest-"
He cut her off before she could finish "Yes, Hiromi, I am feeling perfectly fine. There is no need for me to rest."
"I don't know, boss. That cough looked really bad." Chuuya commented.
"See! Even Chuuya-san thinks you need to rest! I can handle things myself, so either go lay down now out of your own volition, or so help me god, I will drag you there myself."
Ougai gulped nervously. He knew what Hiromi was capable of, and he did not wish to be on the receiving end. He sighed, and stood up. "I suppose you're right Hiromi."
She huffed. "Of course I am. You're the doctor here though, you should really know better."
He motioned for Elise to grab his hand, and she stood up and dusted off her own hands on her dress before taking it. He smiled at everyone before walking out of the room and down the hall to his room.
⊱𓄼✿𓄹⊰
When he closed the door to his room, Elise started to run over to her bed, but stopped in front of the wall Ougai's bed was pushed against and stared at it intently.
"Rintarou… Are you sure you'll be okay sleeping near the blood? I know you don't like dirty things…"
Ougai chuckled. "Thanks for your concern, Elise, but I've been sleeping near that blood for a long time now. Why would this time be any different?"
Elise gave him a suspicious look before nodding once and walking to her bed.
Ougai sighed and got into his bed as well. As soon as he pulled the covers up, he felt all of his exhaustion hit him at once. He supposed that's what a week without sleep did to him. He passed out after only a few seconds and slipped into a deep slumber.
⊱𓄼✿𓄹⊰
Run, his mind supplied. He had no other choice. He didn't remember what—or who—he was running from, but all he knew was that if he was caught, there would be consequences.
Bad ones.
He runs across the forest, brushing branches out of his face. He grips the strap of his backpack tighter and looks back to see if Elise and Saki are still following him.
He stumbles over a root and looks up to see the edge of the forest and, in addition, the end of His property.
He drags himself up and quickens his pace. He desperately reaches his hand out towards the light, his other hand slipping out of Elise's momentarily, when he feels a sharp tug at his scalp.
No.
Not his scalp, but Elise and Saki's. He turns around, and sees a darkened figure standing in the shadows, holding both Elise and Saki by their hair.
In comparison to the man dressed in all black, they seem bright.
Glowing—like the lights that kept him from succumbing to the darkness so many times.
The lights that they truly are.
He sees their mouths move, sees how Saki bites the man, but feels, rather than hears, when the man shoots both of them in the head.
He runs.
And keeps on running, tears rolling down his cheeks, not stopping until he is far out of the dark forest's—and His—reaches.
Only when he's hidden himself away in an abandoned warehouse does he truly allow himself to cry, clutching the pendant that was his mother's last gift.
The scene suddenly shifts, and he's 22 again, and the leader of The Scraps. It was the night before everything went wrong.
He was sitting next to Renji, watching in amusement as Akemi tried to teach Tecchou, Nikolai, Elise, Ivy, and Misaki how to play poker.
"Akemi dear, I don't think you're allowed to do that." He says as he watches Akemi bottom deal to herself, his sudden interruption startling her. She looks up at him and gives a cheeky grin.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, dad! I play fair and square!"
Ougai and Renji share a knowing glance before bursting out in laughter.
"What are you all laughing about?" Haruto asks as he walks into the room, sporting a terrible case of bedhead. Everybody stares for a moment before breaking out into another round of laughter. Haruto pouts childishly and looks over to Ryuhei. "It doesn't look that bad, does it?"
Ryuhei smiles and shakes his head. "No dear, they're just being mean."
"Aw, c'mon, Ryu! Don't act like you weren't giggling as well!" Shuichi yelled from somewhere around Ougai's left.
Haruto gasps dramatically. "Sweetheart, how could you! Betraying your own love like this." He says dramatically as he flops into Ryuhei's lap, earning another round of laughter.
Ougai just shakes his head and tucks a white strand of hair that fell from his bun behind his ear.
Renji sighs happily, and Ougai looks over, amused.
"Do you enjoy watching your subordinates suffer? How sadistic of you, Ren."
"Our subordinates, dear," Renji corrected, "and yes. Especially if it's Haru. Lord knows he needs to be knocked down a couple pegs sometimes."
"I heard that, Ren-chan! And I never get knocked down—woah!" He yells as Ryuhei pushes him off his lap.
"Ryu-chan! Why would you do such a thing!"
Ryuhei tilted his head in false innocence. "Do what, Haru? You fell off on your own. Right, guys?"
There were shouts of agreement from around the room as Haruto looked around with a faux look of despair on his face before he locked eyes with Akemi.
"Kemi-chan! You believe me, right?"
"I dunno, Haru-chan… I wasn't watching."
He sputtered before turning to the rest of the small circle. "What about you guys? Misa-chan? Niko-chan? Ivy-chan? Elise-chan? Any of you?"
They all shrugged with varying degrees of amusement on their faces.
"I saw," Tecchou said calmly from behind Haruto.
"Ack! Ume-chan! Where did you come from!" Haruto yelped.
"I went to the bathroom?" He replied with a puppy-like tilt of his head."Anyways, I saw what happened. Ryuhei-senpai did indeed push you off his lap, Haruto-senpai."
Haruto sprung up as groans echoed around the room. "I knew I could count on you, Ume-chan! This is why you're my favorite!"
"C'mon, Ume, why'd you do that?" Takeshi yelled, disappointed.
Tecchou only tilted his head again. "What would I gain from lying?"
"Uh, saving us from Haru's ego inflating more?" Kazuki yelled from across the room.
Tecchou suddenly gained a sad look. "Did I do something wrong?"
Everybody in the room melted at the sight.
"No, don't worry, маленька квітка! You did nothing wrong, we were just messing with him." Nikolai jumped up and hugged Tecchou, nuzzling his cheek against Tecchou's head.
Renji stood up and brushed off his hands, before offering one to Ougai, who took it and stood up and well.
"Alright you guys, time for lights out." Renji huffs a laugh at the groans from around the room. "I know you're all having fun, but we're going to try to take that base tomorrow, remember? As your superior officer, I want you all well-rested before the fight.”
Hiromi groaned. "Okay dad." she rolls her eyes at Renji
"Hey! That is no way to speak to your father, young lady!" Renji teased, "apologize right now!"
Ougai woke up with a start. The dream didn’t finish, but there was no need to. He knows how this played out. He remembers what happened the day after. The day he lost his first love. The beginning of the end. He could still feel his wrist in Renji’s hand while Renji pulled him up.
‘I won't let you die here, Ougai! Not now and not like this!'
'You should! The world would be better off without me.'
'No, it wouldn’t! It would be empty, and– and miserable, and it just—' Ougai remembers the terrible look on Renji’s face. ‘It would be unlivable without you!’
He didn’t understand. 'Why do you say that? Why—'
'Because I love you!’
Ougai was quiet for a moment. Simply staring up at Renji with tear-filled eyes.
‘Ougai!’ Renji begged.
‘I love you too, Ren.’
'Then don't die here!’ his voice broke. ‘Please! For the squad, for Akemi, for me, just grab my hand!'
Ougai hesitated for a moment. Then he reached for Renji. 'O-okay.'
That was the last thing they ever said to each other. Before Renji gave his life to save Ougai’s.
Ougai had never seen him more relieved. Renji pulled him up with a smile. Or tried to, at least.
Ougai still remembers his face when he slipped.
He remembers the panic, the way his heart skipped a beat and then hammered in his chest. He remembers the way Renji barely had time to make eye contact before falling over the edge. He remembers the fear that paralyzed him then and still paralyzes him now when he thinks about it.
He remembers watching Renji hit the ground.
It all seems so far away now.
Ougai buried his head into his knees. First love. He thought he’d never love again. He was wrong. He loved—no. Loves Yukichi with all his heart, and for a small moment in time, he thought Yukichi loved him as well.
You’re a fool, Ougai Mori. Who could ever love a monster like you? You are undeserving of love, after all you've done, he thought bitterly.
He felt the scratching starting to crawl back up his throat and once again broke into a coughing fit. But the difference was that this time, he could feel something come out. Something wet and sticky, but also light and soft. He looked down at his palm in confusion. In the middle, surrounded by blood, sat a small purple petal. Ougai was confused. At first, he thought that he had accidentally swallowed one of the petals from the flowers at Hiromi's party, but there were no purple flowers there. He was mulling over what could've happened when he suddenly remembered a conversation he had with Misaki all those years ago.
⊱𓄼✿𓄹⊰
"You said you're coughing up flowers?" Ougai asked.
Misaki nodded her head, then held out her hand. On it were a couple of pink bloodstained petals. Ougai could tell from the shape that they were most likely from dahlia flowers.
Ougai tapped his chin with his pencil and hummed. "I think I've read about something like this." He turns around to look at his bookshelf holding the medical books. He scans over the spines before landing on a thin one titled 'Rare Diseases.' He picks it up and starts to skim through the pages before he lands on one that catches his eye.
"Here it is," Ougai announces, then begins to read aloud. "'Hanahaki. A disease caused by supposed unrequited love. Flowers start to grow in the lungs until the patient either confesses and has their feelings returned or dies from the flowers choking them. Origin unknown, first case recorded in Aomori, date unidentifiable.’” Ougai looked up at Misaki, who was pale. She was staring at the three petals in her hand with a strange look in her eyes. He cleared his throat, and her head snapped up.
"Would you like me to continue?" He asked gently. Misaki only shook her head and got off the examination table.
"I've learned enough. Thanks Mori-sensei." She turned around and started for the door, but Ougai spoke.
"Forgive me for being too forward, but, Misaki… is it Ivy?" Misaki froze at that, then doubled over and started to cough harshly. Ougai grabbed a cup and filled it with water, then rushed over to Misaki. When the coughing subsided, he offered her the cup, and she took it and drank it gratefully. When the cup was empty, she looked up at Ougai and gave him a rueful smile.
"Does that answer your question Mori-sensei?"
Ougai frowned, then walked over to his medicine cabinet, and pulled out a bottle.
"What's that?" Misaki asked as she tilted her head in confusion.
"I can't make you confess your feelings to Ivy," Ougai started as he poured the liquid from the bottle into a small cup. "But I can help with the pain." He walked over and crouched next to Misaki. "Here. Drink up. Don't worry, it's just cough syrup."
Misaki took the cup and downed the syrup in one go. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and gave the cup back to Ougai. "Thanks Mori-sensei."
Ougai smiled and stood back up. "No problem. It's my job after all."
⊱𓄼✿𓄹⊰
Ougai frowned as he remembered the memory, then got out of bed and walked to the bookshelf.
Most of my books were lost during the war… but I think I remember being able to save that one.
He scanned over the bookshelf and found the one he was looking for. He pulled it out, leather cover worn and letters fading, and started flipping through pages, edges soft from time and use. He stopped when he saw the page he was looking for, then looked at the bottom for the symptoms.
Symptoms:
- Chest pains
- Vomiting blood
- Coughing fits
- Coughing up flowers
- Plant growth under skin
- The plant starts in lungs, and the roots spread out and travel to heart. Blood—including parts of the plant—get carried through the veins and arteries. The plant will use the blood to nourish itself, causing said growth.
- Lethargic
- Anemia
- Trouble breathing
- Irregular eating
- Lowered immune system
- Dizziness
- Chills
- Fever
- Pale skin
- Low core temperature, high body temperature
Ougai frowned, then the next page caught his eye. Disease Progression. He began to read, and he got more and more shocked as the list went on.
Week 1 - Coughing up one or two petals every so often
Week 2 - Coughing up 3-5 petals sporadically
Week 3 - Has coughed up at least one full flower and coughs up ten or more petals frequently
Week 4 - No more petals just full flowers
2-3 flowers at once = Death close
Full bouquet = Death imminent
The disease takes about 1 month to kill you, longer if you're healthy, shorter if you're not. If you treat it early enough you can halt progression for a while by—both figuratively and literally—nipping the disease in the bud.
Ougai felt sick, and not just because of the petals attempting to crawl up his throat. He hurried to turn the page and search for more information, but the pages were ripped out. He cursed whatever higher being was playing this cruel trick on him as he sank to his knees. Of course his love was going to kill him. He gave a mirthless chuckle.
What a fitting end for a supposed heartless monster such as myself. Leaving the people I care about by death, just like how the people I loved did. I truly am God's favorite jester.