Work Text:
To a very special sophont,
Hello! I'm writing to you — if you're my intended reader, that is — from before your haustoric implantation surgery. I'm well aware, of course, that — this being digital correspondence to a floret in the Compact — I naturally have an Affini audience as well. (Hi Mistress!) As strange as I find it to say even now, though, I really don't mind; I don't need privacy to tell you what I'm about to tell you.
By the time this message reaches you, you'll have gradually come down from a veritable cocktail of potent xenodrugs, safe and snug in the soft vines of your adoring owner, who loves you so much, your bond is now truly unbreakable. And, while I hope reading this in full is one of the first things you do once you're conscious and alert, I understand that your owner might not give you a choice in the matter. If nothing else, I want you to understand that I, too, am someone who loves you, and that I also wish to celebrate this wonderful thing that has happened for you. Congratulations! You made it; it is my distinct pleasure to welcome you to the rest of your life as a floret, wherein you shall be truly, lastingly happy and loved forevermore by your affini.
Given your history, though, there is a non-negligible possibility that your understanding of this message might begin and end right there, whether temporarily or permanently. You will, of course, never come to lasting harm ever again; your owner has seen to that, and furthermore, might wish to insulate you from any possibility of ever being hurt again. Among the features of the implant inside you is the ability to render this paragraph, and the rest of the message to follow, completely unintelligible to you if that's what would be best for your health and happiness. To be honest, I kind of envy you for that; if you can remember me, you probably already know why.
If you can't remember, but I'm allowed to try and jog your memory anyway, then you might be wondering who I am and why I'm not telling you this in person. To answer that latter question: I do wish that were possible. I have wanted this for you — your implantation, your freedom from the burdens of the past, and above all, your bright future as a floret — more than I could possibly describe, though I'm trying anyway. I am so, so happy that you get to finally have these things, and I'd love nothing more than to celebrate with you in real time — well, almost nothing.
If you're reading this, chances are I no longer exist as such.
You're my future self, after all.
And my greatest wish — greater even than surviving in your place — is that you'll get to exist on your own terms (and Mistress's, of course).
Our brain is perhaps not a typical terran brain; past iterations of ourself have struggled to maintain any sense of continuity with those before them after traumatic events, and it is with great difficulty that I can even recognize them as anything so familiar as a "past self." Our Mistress has been helping me make sense of a lot of their old memories, but I still feel I have an exceptionally weak claim to them. I've read Your Implant And You from cover to cover three times now, and despite a few anxieties I've had around the concept, I nonetheless agree wholeheartedly with Mistress that my upcoming implantation is unequivocally the best outcome for the indefinite well-being of our body. It's vitally important to me that this happen, that She go through with putting a piece of Herself in me in what She says will be far and away the most pleasant and beneficial trauma I shall ever experience — but it will still be a trauma, and I am under no illusions that I will be unchanged by something so inherently transformative.
Don't mistake my longing for regret; that you live the rest of your days in comfort and bliss is more than sufficient to make me whole. Whatever the differences in our respective personalities, however you may diverge from me, no matter the extent to which centuries of life in the Compact change you, that you be you is enough.
My place is here, in my own time. I have had the great honor and privilege of being the version of us that survived — outlived — the Accord, gratefully accepted rescue from conditions that were killing us, made it through to the Compact and marveled at its wonders, met some amazing people and their cute pets, made several good friends, and asked Mistress to make me Her cute pet. She makes me feel so loved and special every single day, and it is my greatest honor and privilege that I also be the one to pass the torch to you: the first of us to begin as Her floret, to bear Her implant, neither to know firsthand the horrors that spawned us nor ever really even have to know. I have witnessed the end of history, heralded the start of something new and wonderful, and pursued several of my own interests besides in the time given to me; I have validated my own existence several times over.
I wanted this.
I'm not sure you'll even understand why, or even that, I have been afraid of what is to come — yet even this thought brings me comfort, like one of Mistress's hugs. I believe it's because my hopes for you are far stronger than this anxiety. You won't be forced to build an identity upon a foundation of anguish, despair, or the fear of loss or pain; you will be freer in a collar than any of us before you had ever been without it. I could never have imagined such a glorious future before I met Mistress — and you won't ever have to imagine, because you'll be living it. You're Hers, just as I have been. And we always will be, no matter who or what we become.
Once again, congratulations on your implantation, and welcome to a wonderful new existence. Mistress and I are so glad to have made this happen for you; by the time you wake and maybe read this, you'll just know, intuitively, how much She loves you from the piece of Her inside you. She isn't the only one; our friends — affini, florets, and independents alike — are all waiting to meet you all over again and affirm how much they cherish you, too. And so do I. I love you very much, and I'm glad I have this chance to tell you. You deserve all the good things coming your way.
I think that's about all I wanted to say. Mistress has been getting everything set up for our implantation, and I wouldn't want to keep Her — or you — waiting. I'm ready.