Work Text:
The sun trickled into the bedroom through a gap in the curtains, coating the room in a warm glow.
Buck awoke to the feeling of another pressed against his back, a large arm holding his waist, and said other pressing gentle kisses to the back of his neck- Eddie.
Buck took a deep breath, stretching a little as Eddie stopped peppering kisses to the back of his neck, and turned to face the doe-eyed man.
As blue met brown, both smiled softly, tiredly.
"Mornin'," Eddie whispered, voice raspy from lack of use as he slept, as he brought his lips to Buck's birthmark, nose, and finally mouth -morning breath be damned.
"Mornin'," Buck replied, his voice raspy also, a little more wrecked than usual, earning a small laugh from Eddie.
"You truly were vocal last night, weren't you, bud?" he teased, pressing another kiss, this time to Buck's cheek.
Buck groaned in response, "Please, do not call me 'bud' when I literally had your cock in my mouth last night, dude," he smirked.
Eddie couldn't help but laugh at the younger boy, "Okay, then don't call me dude when I literally fucked you last night, sweetheart."
"No promises, did you forget I call Bobby 'dude' by accident all the time, he always looks like he's gonna pop a blood vessel when I say it." he laughed, causing the other to laugh also.
Both men looked at each other, basking in the soft morning sun, when something caught Buck's attention, and he moved his hand to trace the circular scar on Eddie's torso.
That day, that dreaded day. The third worst day of his life. The first was Bobby's 'death', then the tsunami, then this, the day he couldn't save Eddie. The day he decided he could never eat red meat again. He realised he was staring when Eddie lifted his chin, forcing him to make eye contact.
"Hey," Eddie said softly, eyebrows furrowed, "I'm okay."
Buck nodded, "I know, that day though..." He pulled himself closer to Eddie and hid his face in Eddie's neck, Eddie responding instantly and running a hand through the blonde's curls, detangling a few knots and pressing a kiss to his ear.
"What can I say, one more scar to the collection?" Eddie half-joked, Buck, breathing a soft laugh over his neck.
"We both have our fair share, don't we?" Buck stated, pulling away.
"I dunno about you, Cariño, I'm pretty sure I have seven, four of which are bullet wounds."
Buck looked at him, his morning brain still switching on, and right now, all he's thinking is, how could this man ever love a guy like him?
"Tell me about them." He said, pushing up a bit, to sit against the headboard.
"Okay then," Eddie laughed a little, sitting up too, the duvet falling, until it landed in his lap, revealing his godlike -in Buck's personal opinion- body, "Hey, keep gawking like that, and I'd think you only love me for my body."
"Mhm, I'd be lying if I said it isn't a part of it, eight pack." Buck teased, "No, but really, you look like you were sculpted by the Greek gods or some shit, it ain't fair." He pouted, "However, I do love you for more than that; it was just the first thing I ever saw about you, and even then I thought it was hot."
"Alright, enough of that," Eddie said, his face slightly pink as he placed a kiss to Buck's head, " also, what do you mean, not fair, amor, your body is perfect, you are perfect."
"Mhm, try telling my parents and exes that," Buck said, trying to make it a joke and failing horribly.
"They said that?" Eddie said, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked at Buck, now realising why it is that Buck currently held the duvet high over his chest, why Buck turned the light out before changing yesterday, "Buck..."
"Ignore that, okay, it's fine, just, yeah. Um, tell me about the scars? Please." Eddie nodded, pressing a kiss to Buck's lips.
"Okay, but... can we talk about it later?"
"... okay." Buck's voice was so small, not how you'd expect a 6'2 34-year-old firefighter to speak.
"Thank you," Eddie said, giving a sad little smile, brushing a curl out of Buck's face and sitting back up.
"This one, you know about, as you were there. All I remember, really, was a searing pain, black, you dragging me somewhere, black, waking up in the ambulance and seeing blood on you, black and waking up and seeing Ana, and asking her where you were." Eddie explained as Buck's fingers glidded along the reconstructed skin, "you know, you never told me what really happened?"
Buck froze in place for a moment, shimmying to sit up a bit straighter, still holding the duvet over his chest.
"Well, I didn't necessarily expect you to want to talk about it, I mean, it was traumatic for you, and I didn't want to bring up bad memories."
"Forgive me for asking, but, did - have you spoken to anyone about it?" Eddie asked.
"Um, no- not really. I mean, I didn't want to go back to therapy after it and then didn't want to make anyone else upset, and no one- well, besides Bobby- really asked, not that I blame them, I mean, Jesus, we were worried about me and I wasn't - I didn't want to make it about myself, yeah? So, yeah, um, yeah." Using his hands as he spoke, a nervous habit Eddie always picked up on, similar to the hand movements when excited or sad, but nervous was more both hands moving around eachother, anger was sharp movements, directed at the sky or the person he's angry with and excited are sharp but constant movements that have no flow and usually is hard to follow.
"Tell me. Talk about it." Eddie said, taking Buck's hands in his own as he started picking at his cuticles.
"Eddie-" Buck said, trying to deflect.
"Please, if not for you, for me. What really happened?" He asked, kissing Buck's hand.
"Okay, um, so, you were standing there, in front of me, you got shot, I had you-your blood all over me, um, in- in my mouth, over my face. Captain Mehta had to literally jump on me because I just froze and stood there. He had me pinned next to the engine; there was an engine between us. I got out of his grip as the shots were still being fired. I um, crawled under the engine, grabbed you, pulled you under, got out from under. Picked you up, put you into the fire truck, you woke up and then went out again. I ripped my shirt as we had no gauze or anything. Got to the hospital, they took you in for surgery, next thing I know is Bobby was in front of me... or it may have been Taylor, and then him. I dunno. Apparently id washed my face at some point, apparently Mehta pulled me to the bathroom to clean my face, but to be fair, I don't really remember. Then, somehow, I was outside yours, in my jeep and having to tell Chris I couldn't save his dad." Buck explained, one or two tears leaving his eyes, nothing like what would have happened if he were explaining this a few years back.
"You did, though..." Eddie whispered, pulling Buck towards him and wrapping him in a hug. Buck went willingly, resting his head on Eddie's shoulder.
"What?"
"You did save me."
"no-"
"Buck, you, man crushed by a firetruck, who was scared even bending down next to one for years, crawled under a firetruck, dragged me out of the way of fire, ripped your shirt to use as a gauze and then, despite you blantantly dissociating, went to tell my- our- child what happened and procceeded to look after him until I woke up, and came sprinting once I woke up, stayed for months as I recooperated, helped drive me, Chris, Abuela and Pepa because you know I'm the only one who can drive in the LA side of my family. You save me buck, okay?"
"Okay.." Buck nodded against his shoulder, voice cracking, "Let's move on, yeah? for now?" Buck proposed.
"Okay, but I want you to talk to Dr Copeland about this, okay? And me, but you need to talk it through in therapy. And the dissociating, you'd better call me. I keep hearing about you driving in that state, and it scares me, okay?" Eddie said, pushing Buck back a little and rubbing his thumb against his jaw.
"Okay, so long as you promise me that you'll keep being honest to Frank."
"I think at this point I'm too honest with that man, you know, he told me that he thought I was dating you because of how much I spoke about you, even back then and when I mentioned Marisol, he was confused as hell."
"No, really?!"
"Yep," Eddie smiled, "anyway, these three," he pointed to one on the left side of his torso, one more bullet graze, on his bicep and one on his upper thigh as he moved the duvet down, showing his body in just some boxers, "are from when I got the silver star."
Buck knew not to push any further than that; he knew Eddie had talked it through in therapy, and he'd heard the story himself after his breakdown those years ago, instead placing kisses on each of the scars.
When he pulled back after kissing the scar located on Eddie's thigh, his eyes met Eddie's, who had his brow furrowed.
"What?" Buck asked, tilting his head.
"Nothing, just- so, I saw a scar on your back im quite shocked ive never seen it before?" Eddie said.
"Oh- yeah, how's this, we finish your scar stories, and I can tell you that one story." Buck smiled.
"And the others?"
"What?"
"Your other scars?"
"Oh- i didnt think you'd notice them."
"Well, I've seen the ones I know about, like the ones on your leg, the ones on your face and arm from the tsunami, the now faded Lichtenberg figure, but I'm assuming there's more? We don't have to, but if you want to?" Eddie asked.
Buck licked his lip and debated it. It would mean Eddie would know he's not been told a lot of Buck's stories, or not as much as he'd thought, and it's also not fair for Buck to keep that part of himself hidden, but-
"Hey," Eddie said, taking Buck's face in his hand, "you with me?" he asked, no judgment in his voice, just concern, and Buck nodded.
"Yeah, sorry-"
"Don't apologise, you never have to apologise for getting into your head, okay? Anyway, you don't have to tell me, I won't force you."
Buck took a breath, "It's okay, I mean. Can't necessarily hide them if we keep doing as we did last night." he laughed, Eddie smiling slightly too.
"Sure?"
"I'm sure." Buck smiled, and Eddie kissed his birthmark, " Will say, Edmundo, youre alot more kissy than I thought you were."
"Try not having such a kissable face then," he responded, placing another kiss on Buck's nose, causing him to scrunch it up.
"You're a dork."
"Mhm, not as much as you thought."
"Touche."
"This scar," Eddie said, pointing to a scar on his left arm, "Is from my younger self trying to drive my dear mother, who was in labour, to the hospital at the ripe old age of ten."
"Jesus," Buck bit back a laugh, "How did you guys end up getting there in the end?"
"My Abuela, this was back before her hip was bad, so that she could drive. Ended up with some glue to hold the skin together and then went to meet Sophia."
"Aw, that's sweet though. I definitely wouldn't have thought of that at ten, if I did, well, let's say whether the car was damaged or not, I would have been screamed at lol."
"Oh, trust me, my father gave me a stern talking to, and I was grounded for 2 weeks, but my abuela made sure that he was aware it was his own doing for telling me to be the 'man of the house," He said, putting up air quotes.
"I hate your parents, even if they ain't like that now, they still took Chris, and I'll hate them forever for that," Buck said, leaning against Eddie as Eddie moved to sit against the backboard- sue him, he's getting old and sitting with no back support opposite Buck was killing his back.
"Mhm, well, I ain't fond of your parents either."
"They apologised at least, and they weren't that bad, I was just a lot as a kid... and as an adult, I suppose."
"I'll never understand how you see the good in those who hurt you but not those who hurt those you love, I mean, I love you for it, but they don't deserve your forgiveness, and you are not a lot, you are the perfect dose of Buck all the time," Eddie said, pressing a kiss to Buck's curls.
"Mhm, well, in any case, I'm happy you didn't forgive your parents. They're assholes."
"Okay, babe." Eddie laughed, "This one," he said, holding his hand in front of him, the outline of a scar on his knuckles, "Is from my street fighting days." He finished as Buck took his hand, placing a kiss on each knuckle.
"You know, that was around the first time I flirted with you, accidentally."
"Accidentally?" Eddie responded, looking at Buck quizzically.
"I could take you."
"Oh my god, I forgot about that." Eddie laughed.
"What was I on when I said it- it's so dumb," Buck laughed too.
"Blood thinners, because I responded, you're on blood thinners."
Both continued laughing until Buck remembered something.
"Wait- when are we picking Chris up?"
"Um, I think I told Ash's mom like three o'clock."
Buck turned his head to the digital clock on the bedside table, 09:58.
"Oh, we still have ages," Buck said.
"Mhm, I'm so grateful Chris is at that age where he's no longer awake at seven and ready to leave a friend's by nine."
"All fun and games until you're trying to get him up for school." Buck reminded him.
"Won't be so hard when you're here, bribe him with pancakes or waffles on particularly hard days."
"Mhm, seems someones under the impression imma be here a lot."
"Was kinda hoping on it, and maybe if you, I dunno, moved in at some point soon, yknow, to help take care of Chris, we'd spend less on bills, you could cook for us."
"Ah, I see how it is, you just want a personal chef."
"Maybe, but seriously, would you want to?"
"Are you asking seriously?"
"I did say 'seriously'"
"That's not too- I dunno, quick? like what if you change your mind or if you want your-"
"Buck, i know what Tommy said to you but seriouly i think that its a bit slow if you ask me, youve spent so much time in this house that theres a draw in the cupboard of your clothes, your toiletries under the sink because you have sensitive skin and curly hair- albeit Chris also uses the same curl treatment but still- but I want you to move in with us."
"Are you sure?"
Eddie gave a smile, "Absolutely."
"Okay then." Buck said, smiling too, a small, almost insecure smile, that makes Eddie so desperately want to punch Tommy Kinard in his ugly ass face, "Now, I believe there is one more scar?"
"Yep, however, that one is covered by my hair," Eddie laughed, "Fell backwards off a stage while dancing and needed staples in my head as they could see my skull."
"Jesus," Buck shivered at the thought, "That's graphic."
"Yep." Eddie said, emphasising the 'p', "Your turn, if you still want to."
"Okay, but, fair warning, I have quite a few," Buck said, scrunching his face up a bit.
"Okay, now I really wanna know."
"Also, don't be offended that i didnt tell you about some things that came along with the scars, okay?"
"Alrighty?" Eddie said, raising an eyebrow, "Should I be concerned?"
"No, but it just may shock or, maybe, upset you?"
"Okay, I'll try not to react too much to any information given to me."
"No, like you can react however, just not offended." Buck laughed.
"You know I got these two," he said, pointing to his arm and face, "From the tsunami, and I wish I could give you more detail, but I have no idea."
"This one, I think you know," He said, pointing to another scar on his arm, which Eddie definitely remembers seeing but seemingly forgot how he got it.
"Dude, I've no idea how you got it, just one day you had it."
"Oh, well, one, do not call me dude while we are mostly naked and led next to eachother and two, I was sent home early by Bobby not long after the lawsuit and I saw this woman driving around and there was this guy in he windshield, like apparently she had something going on eith her head but this dude was just handing out her windshield, whuxh was broken and she was driving and like, it was halloween, so I assume everyone though, 'woah, wicked decor' but nope, living man. But yeah, caught my arm helping him out, and then I was on bloodthinners so I went to the hospital, and Bobby was panicked as he was still my emergency contact, and yeah, then he let me back as a firefighter full time." Buvk finished with a smile, and Edddoe looked at him like he had two heads.
"What- how haven't I heard this?"
"You were still angry about the lawsuit," Buck said simply.
"Dios mio, that's insane," he laughed slightly, "were both okay?"
"Yep, both were fine."
"Dios..." Eddie said, still looking at Buck in shock, like it wasn't abnormal for weird ass halloween calls, but the fact that he hadn't heard of this was crazy to him.
"Anywayyy, this one," Buck siad pointing to the bridge of his nose, "is from being a bit too ambitious on my skateboard, Maddie patched it up, and I kept picking at the scab, so it scarred." He pouted.
"Was this a 'clutzy bucky' moment or a 'I want my parents to see me moment'?"
"Both, like I took up skateboarding to get their attention, didn't mean to fall face-first into concrete." Buck laughed, like it was normal to take up a hobby, with the intent to get hurt for your parents' attention was normal.
"I hate your parents," Eddie said, pressing a kiss to the scar.
"Pretty sure we've had this convo already this morning."
"mhm."
"Anywho, this one," he said, pointing at the scarring that was on his shoulder, which Eddie only now noticed, Buck's complexion, unlike Eddies darker skin tone, hid scars well once they went past the red/purple stage, "Was from me falling out of a tree after climbing it to get away from my parents aruguing about me in the house, my mu cae out, yelled mh name and my abssolute dumb ass let go of the tree and waved, falling out and breaking my arm and cutting open my shoulder on a branch on my way down."
"Holy shit, that's insane." Eddie said, slightlyshell-shockedd, "Imma iterate, I hate your parents."
"It's not their fault I'm stupid."
"You are not stupid, and also, their arguing led to you climbing the tree, correct? so hey, their fault." Eddie responded
"I guess so," Buck said, "Eh, Maddie took me to the hospital, and then my mum made me soup in bed while I watched TV, so that was nice."
Eddie looked at him as something in his heart broke, "Buck, that's what a moms meant to do. You know that."
Buck just shrugged, "I know, but it's one of those times where she actually acted as a mom, not a stranger."
"Okay," Eddie said, not wanting to push more, knowing that Buck would stick up for his parents' behaviour towards him.
"And the one you saw earlier," He said, moving from the headboard and turning so Eddie could really see the scar on his back, which covered his right side, but was faint enought that unless you were looking for it or saw it in the correct lighting then you wouldnt see it, "is from my motorcycle accident that I had at 17, I'd just made some cool ass adjustments to my bike and then collided head on with a wall, I'm not really sure how it happened. I had an argument with my parents, was angry and upset and just took off. I had no idea where I was going, but ended up in Boston, and I'm just glad I was wearing my helmet." He shivered as Eddie ran a finger down the scar, "I also broke my shoulder and collarbone, but yeah, roadrash tends to scar when you can't sit still and let it heal properly, but I was living in the jeep at that stage, so the scab kept ripping."
"This is why you shouldn't be driving while dissociating." Eddie said, pressing a kiss to the scar, only seeing another scar as he got close to the skin, a circular scar on his right shoulder, "What about this one?" He asked, feeling Buck tense as he ran a finger over the scar.
"Okay, so, it may, quite possibly, be a bullet scar?" Buck replied, turning to face Eddie, who was processing the information, very, very, slowly.
He blinked once, twice, thrice, "What? how? What?"
"So, there's a vague possibility that I was a Navy SEAL for a year?"
"HUH?"
Buck laughed, "Surprise?"
"What? why didnt you tell me?"
"I didnt tell anyone, babe, I dropped out after one mission, I couldnt turn my emotions off and I was shot, so yeah, was put on medical leave amd general leave because I almost compromised the mission in an attempt to save an enemy soldier who was hit by one of his own, got myself show in the shoulder, not a through nd through, sadly, that may have been less painful than Hondo having to pull the bullet out, but hey, made it easier to hide I suppose."
"Wait- Hondo? Like the now S.W.A.T leader Hondo?" Eddie asked, looking baffled as a million thoughts swirled in his head.
"Yep."
"So that makes you... Pup? The excitable young boy on the force who was like a golden retriever but had brilliant aim?"
"That would be me. I wasn't aware I had a reputation."
"You were the best shot, after Hondo, and hit most records for your level. Alongside that, it was said you had a heart of gold and were good at distracting enemies."
"Yep, loved the thrill of the danger, but when that kid got hit, he couldn't have been older than 19 at the time. I was just freshly 21, I wasn't gonna leave him, so I was hit, captured, and that boy died, he bled out, but the team saved me after a few hours."
"Holy fuck." Eddie said, "I can't believe that was you."
"Me neither, but I don't tend to talk about it. Athena and Bobby are the only ones who know, and that's because Bobby has my files and Athena likes to do background checks on anyone she gets in contact with often."
Eddie pulled Buck in for a hug and kiss, "Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me."
"I trust you with my life." And they both knew that was true.
As Eddie let Buck out of the hug, he held his hand and went to his wrist when he noticed 3 scars that were normally covered by his watch.
"What happened there?"
"That is from where I tried to... You know... um... well, kill myself, I suppose." and Eddie froze because, what?
"...what?" Eddie said, panic in his voice.
"It's fine now," Buck said, grabbing Eddie's shoulder and forcing him to face him, "I was 16, and did it. But Maddie came for a surprise visit. Seems that she got more of a surprise. She came into my bedroom, I had thought my parents were out for a few hours and yeah. As the final line was carved, she walked in. She applied pressure and called an ambulance. I was also high out of my mind, so I don't really remember it, but it's the reason she gave me the jeep after I crashed, she was worried I'd try again if I went home, and she knew she wouldn't be there this time."
"Have you tried since then?" Eddie asked, fear apparent in his face.
"No, not fully. I was diagnosed as having passive suicidal ideation after that call, after I found out about Daniel. But I've not tried. I've not been high in a decade, since I tried out for the academy, and I haven't harmed myself in six years, not since I realised family is who we choose, not who we are related to. The closest I came was after we thought Bobby died, but you came back, so I remembered I have people now and that that isn't what I do anymore." Buck had tears in his eyes when he finished explaining, oversharing in the last bit, but he knew Eddie would see the other scars, so he might as well explain them now.
Eddie, too, had tears in his eyes, "And-" he cleared his throat, "And noone knew, noone?"
"Dr Copeland did, we had a plan, after my parents showed up and the Daniel thing happened, at I relapsed, to be fair, it wasn't much of a relapse with me being just a year clean, but it was something. The plan was that if things went too badly, if I got too bad. She calls you or Bobby, and I'd have to stay with one of you for a while. But it never got that bad. Okay?" He smiled, wiping Eddie's tears.
"Okay," Eddie said, pulling the blonde into a hug.
After a moment, they pulled away and tried composing themselves.
"Jesus, that got deep."
"Thank you for telling me."
They both spoke at the same time, which ended with them laughing.
"But in all honesty, I'm always here for ou Buck, in case you ever feel like you will relapse, or if you need me to do anything to help you, I will."
"Thanks, Eds. I love you." Buck said, before he could even think about it, instantly panicking as he said it and going to apologise, only for Eddie to hold a finger up, signalling for him to be quiet.
"I love you too."
"Good."
"Yeah?" Eddie laughed at Buck's shocked face.
"Yeah," Buck smiled, face still blotchy from crying, and Eddie could only assume his is too.
"What about this one?" Eddie asked, tracing the faint line on Buck's throat.
"Choked on bread," Buck said, wincing a bit in embarrassment.
"Of course," Eddie said sarcastically, " when?"
"First Valentine's with Abby."
"Should have been a sign the relationship wasnt gonnna be good, you know, with all your faith in the universe" Eddie raised an eyebrow.
"Dude, it was insane and scared me off solid food for a few months. Bobby took notice of me not eating and started making me smoothies and soups. I still refuse bread at restaurants to this day." Buck said, moving to sit up straight against the headboard again, the duvet falling as he did so, he moved his hand to cover his stomach again, but Eddie stopped him by putting a hand on his.
"Your body is perfect, you know?" Eddie said, looking at Buck in a way he'd never been looked at before, not since his skinny ass Buck 0.1 days.
"You don't have to say that."
"Mhm, but I want you to know how perfect you are," Eddie said, pressing a kiss to Buck's collarbone, making Buck flush red.
"These," Buck continued, changing the subject and talking about the orderly lines of scars that showed, vaguely, some more than others, on his hips, just where his boxers had rolled down a little and the ones on the inner of his thighs, "Are from what I told you about earlier." He said, with slight caution in his voice. Eddie moved a hand to Buck's hip, rubbing circles where the scars lay. There were many, some crossing each other, others more purple due to damaged scar tissue.
"I'm sorry you felt this was the best way to deal with your pain," Eddie said, planting a kiss on Buck's neck.
"Me too, if I could go back and tell that kid that this wasn't the way to cope, I would, in an absolute heartbeat, but I can't, and now I have to deal with it." He said, acceptingly, "I came to terms with it after a year, where they still hadnt healed properly, no one really clocked them, I mean, with Abby they were scabs but she never said anything, Ali and I never actually got that far, Taylor had asked and tried to help but I was already helping myself at that stage and Tommy didnt really care, just asked if I still did 'it' and when I said no continued."
"Did I need anymore reasons to hate Abby and Tommy?" Eddie said, squinting at Buck.
"Nope, but you have them anyway." Buck smiled, planting a kiss between Eddie's eyebrows.
"And finally, the leg," Buck said, pulling the covers down fully, much to Eddie's delight that Buck was now comfortable to show his body to him, and revealing the leg that Eddie watched heal in real time, all those years ago.
"This scarred impressively, if I'm being honest," Eddie stated that the only time that he'd seen the leg in recent years was when he or Buck showered together, if one was injured, so they could help.
"It's still ugly though."
"Nah, it's a sign that you survived. That's what a scar is, no? A trophy for what you've overcome." Eddie said, pulling Buck to, almost, lie on top of him.
"Hm, yeah, I like that," Buck said, smiling up at Eddie from where he leaned on the older man's chest.
"We should probably get up and eat, huh?" Eddie said, and as if on cue, his stomach rumbled, earning a cackle from Buck.
"Sure, and thank you for this. For telling me more about you."
"And thank you for telling me things I would never have known if you hadn't told me," Eddie said, kissing Buck gently to begin with, but as they sank into the kiss, it got a bit more heated.
Buck pulled away, earning a what sounded like a whine from Eddie.
"Breakfast and then fun?" Buck asked, eying the clock the now read 10:45.
"Absolutely," Eddie responded.