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Amy walked into her apartment, feeling lower than dirt. Every day felt like an endless loop of nothingness since she blew up on Selina. Over a month had passed since she last spoke to Selina, which was the longest she had ever been without her. It didn’t take long for Amy to realize how quiet and empty her life was now.
These days, the only person she talked to was Dan, and he was a shit. Lobbying was already an unbearable job, but every second spent with him only made it worse. Deep regret filled her every waking moment. She would have done anything to take her outburst back, even if Selina (and that goddamned Karen) deserved to hear it.
She dropped her bag on one of the chairs in her unused dining room and sank down on the couch. Fuck, she was lonely. Not only was Dan’s company unfulfilling, but Amy also suffered from a complete lack of physical touch without Selina. She was never much into physical affection, but things were different when it came to Selina. Sometimes, it felt nice to have a soft hand grab her wrist and pull her into a meeting. She didn’t hate it when Selina smoothed the wrinkles in her shirt so she “looked presentable.” And although these opportunities had become rare since Selina ascended to the Presidency, Amy’s favorite moments of all were early morning coffee chats with her. There was nothing better than sitting next to Selina on one of the couches in her office, listening to her rant about whoever had crossed her or scheme about how to get what she wanted. As long as they were alone, Selina would let her lean into her side while they drank their coffee. If she had been a particularly good girl, Selina would loop an arm around her permanently tense shoulders and pull her close.
Amy missed that so much, her chest hurt. It was the most affection she had received in years. Of course they never spoke of it, but nothing made her feel more at home than the warmth of Selina’s arms.
Her stomach growled. Amy supposed she should stop wallowing in self-pity and find something to eat. She shuffled over to the kitchen and opened the fridge, only to find nothing inside except a half-empty bottle of pino grigio. She grabbed it and took a long swig straight from the bottle, then put it back. Fuck, she had been too deep in the abyss to go shopping. Feeling even more defeated than usual, she started boiling some water in a kettle on the stove and grabbed a chicken-flavored cup of noodles. She deserved a dinner as sad as she was.
Once the noodles were ready, Amy took them to the couch. She stopped to grab the bottle of wine on her way. After settling in, she grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. Amy knew she should watch something besides the news. Maybe she could force herself to get into the trashy reality shows her sister loved so much. She took a bite of noodles and winced as the hot liquid burned her mouth. God, could she be any more pathetic?
She could, actually. While flipping through channels, she came across D.C. Today, featuring the one special guest she’d never be able to tear her eyes away from. She set down her noodles and reached for the bottle of wine as the image of Selina Meyer in a form-fitting blue dress filled the screen.
“I bet that blah blah blah blah bitch wrote her talking points,” Amy hissed at no one before taking a swig of wine.
“Please don’t call it the Mommy Meyer Bill,” said Selina through gritted teeth. “It’s the Meyer Bill, or the Families First Bill, because we’re putting families first.”
Amy’s entire body prickled. She took another swig of wine and stared at the screen, eyes transfixed on Selina’s face. Amy had missed the gentle movements of her lips. She knew she shouldn’t stare or give Selina any thought at all, but she was powerless. Feeling stupid, she ate her noodles and listened to Selina flounder her way through a segment about the bill.
“Critics of your bill say that Americans will want to take care of their own families,” said the unendingly cheery host, his smile never faltering. “What do you have to say to that, Madam President?”
“Well, they’re still free to do that,” replied Selina, matching his smile but in a way that never quite met her eyes.
“Did you see this morning’s poll showing it had only 43% approval?”
“I’m sure the American people will make the right decision.”
Amy grabbed one of the throw pillows on the couch and screamed into it. Of course she kept up with all Selina-related news, but not because it was about Selina. It was just her job to understand the American political landscape. Always had been. This was her first time watching a live Selina appearance on anything since she quit, and the only way she could get through it was with more wine.
Selina was going to lose. Her campaign was shit. Just completely lacking in substance. The job had become nearly impossible once Karen was added to the mix, and whoever took over after Amy’s outburst didn’t seem to be doing any better. She knew she could have done a better job if only she had been given full autonomy, but Selina would never allow that. Not even if it meant winning.
Amy couldn’t stomach watching any more of this trainwreck. She turned off the TV and drained the rest of the wine. The alcohol was already buzzing through her system, heightening her emotions. Not bothering to clean up, Amy decided to go sulk in bed.
As soon as she crossed the threshold of her sad, sparse bedroom, she shed her stiff, business casual dress and climbed into bed. She rarely bothered making it in the mornings, so she burrowed into the sheets and wrapped herself up within seconds. At least her bed was still comforting.
Her mind drifted back to Selina embarrassing herself on D.C. Today. As much as Amy didn’t want to admit it, she had missed that face. She had missed the way those soft lips curled around every word, no matter how stupid. Something stirred within Amy as her mind’s eye focused on Selina’s lips. Her hand drifted down towards the waistband of her underwear before she abruptly pulled it back.
No. She couldn’t do that. She had done it more times than she could count while still under Selina’s heel, but it had to stop. This was supposed to be a brand new, Selina-free chapter of her life.
Amy loved how Selina looked in blue, though. She thought about her again, perched on the leather chair on the D.C. Today set. The soft curves of Selina’s legs refused to leave her mind. A long-forgotten warmth bloomed deep inside of her. She needed to shut that down fast. Amy squeezed her thighs together and tried to remind herself what Selina had done.
Selina had made a mockery of the Presidency, probably ruining it for all other women who hoped to run someday. She had allowed that fucking airhead Karen to poison the work environment for everyone with at least two brain cells to rub together. Worst of all, she had discarded Amy’s input on everything in spite of over a decade of service to her. She had thrown her in the trash like a used tampon, blatantly ignoring the fact that there was no one on earth better suited to run her campaign.
Still hollowed out from the mistreatment, Amy felt tears well up in her eyes. She blinked them away. Fuck Selina Meyer.
None of that stopped the ache between her legs, though. The shame was almost as strong as the desire. Cursing herself for being such a pathetic mess, she touched herself through the thin fabric of her underwear. Even light contact like this made her breath hitch. Amy hadn’t touched herself in weeks. She pressed her hand harder against the beginnings of a wet spot. Her thoughts drifted back to Selina in that tight blue dress.
Selina had worn something similar the first time she made Amy dry shave her legs under the desk, years ago when she was still a Senator. That was one of the most pivotal moments of Amy’s life. She closed her eyes and tried to put herself under that cramped desk again, framed by the soft skin of Selina’s legs. Amy remembered the way her hand shook as she pushed Selina’s dress up and got hit with the answer as to why she hated her boyfriend at the time. Her hand shook now, too, as it slipped beneath her waistband.
Her fingers slid through her wetness and then back up over her clit, knocking a moan out of her. Selina’s legs had been so toned for a middle aged woman. She remembered marveling at them as she worked. They were like velvet-covered steel beneath her fingertips. A few tears slipped out of her tightly shut eyes as she realized she’d never touch them again. Amy sniffled and rubbed herself harder.
“Ma’am, I miss you,” she said to no one.
The sensations between her thighs felt good, but Amy could hardly get into the moment. More tears fell at the memory of being so close to Selina. After so long, she could still feel the heat radiating off of Selina’s body as she inched closer to the most forbidden fruit of all. Her own clit jumped at the mere thought of what was inside Selina’s lacy red underwear. Hating herself, Amy let out a soft whimper.
“I hate lobbying,” she sobbed, continuing to rub herself. “Please, I’ll be so good if you just take me back.”
Amy raised her hips up off the bed to press her aching pussy harder into her hand. The added pressure drew a moan out of her, but she didn’t feel any closer to climax. Her stomach hurt. Memories of being close to Selina weren’t enough. They seemed too far away, almost fantasy-like in how detached they were from her current reality. Amy needed something more tangible. Something that served as a real reminder that she had once been Selina’s favorite girl.
She grabbed her phone off the nightstand. Almost all of the Selina content had been deleted in a fit of rage the day she quit, so there were no photos to aid her sad little session. However, there was one voicemail she couldn’t bring herself to delete. A tear rolled down her cheek as she pressed play.
“Hey, Ame,” came Selina’s voice from the tinny phone speakers. “I wanted to say once again, great work on the Clean Jobs stuff. I couldn’t have gotten the go-ahead on the task force without you. I don’t say this to just anyone, so don’t you fucking dare go around telling people and ruining my image, but I’m really proud to have you on my team. Anyway, remember you promised to stay late tomorrow. Bye.”
Amy’s tears began to flow freely. Sniffling again, she let two fingers from her free hand dip into her lonely entrance. She curled her fingers inside herself and squirmed under her own touch, wishing it was Selina’s. She pressed play again.
“Please,” Amy whimpered. “Please take me back. I miss you. I miss us.”
The voicemail ended again, prompting Amy to start it over a third time. She let the heel of her hand press hard against her clit as she fucked her needy hole. Between her tears and the electric jolts of pleasure rocking her with each thrust of her fingers, she could hardly catch a breath.
“Pleaset let me back on the team. I-I want to be good for you.”
She punctuated her sentence with a shrill, desperate moan. Her thighs started to shake. Knowing she was getting close, Amy’s motions grew increasingly frenzied. She played the voicemail again. Her walls clenched around fingers that should have belonged to Selina.
“Ma’am…” she cried, sniffling as relief washed over her body. A pathetic noise somewhere between a whimper and a moan tore out of her, signaling that she was done.
Amy slowly opened her eyes, hating herself more than ever. She pulled her fingers out and wiped them on the bed because she didn’t deserve clean sheets. This was it. Rock bottom.
Her blood ran cold when she noticed her phone showed her several minutes into a call with Selina.