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It was always known to be a rather nice type of weather when it became winter around this time of year. As the people of Mondstadt did always claim that the winter here would come rather softly when it did. Such as it became a wonderland, with its cozy looks and drifting songs that were carried by the blissful winds. Yet, this night seemed rather different. The wind was more active as it made its presence well known as it carved heavily through the alleyways with a much thicker and sharper edge to it.
The lanterns flickered with their light, giving some guide to those that had decided to stay out in the evening. No one really stayed out late when it was this cold and chilly. And yet, Childe, whose coat was fairly dusted in the white and precious snow with bloodied knuckles, was out of normal for the town. He was far beyond normal so it wasn’t really surprising to him that no one else was outside on this cold night. He stood alone, breathing slow as he stayed still in the courtyard that was below the Knights’ headquarters.
Thinking heavily as he rubbed his knuckles, stinging as the pain from them drew when he attempted to wipe the blood off. He wasn’t fully sure of whether he should stay here or run. He hated how cold it was. How cold enough it was that his breath could be seen in the air. He also hated how cold the world felt already when he wasn’t fighting someone. Or something.
Kaeya was the one to find him there. Just exactly as he expected. It wasn’t really surprising to him to see how Childe looked on this cold night.
“Hmm. Rather late to be brooding out here, huh?” Kaeya said as he walked up behind Childe, his voice rather smooth as he spoke to him. His voice was not the same as the expression he wore, irritation was spread thinly across his face. “Or perhaps is the Acting Grand Master letting you camp out here on Knights’ territory now? Hmm? Didn’t know she was the type to let criminals like you stay here.”
Childe didn’t turn around immediately to the voice. He knew who exactly it was, but he couldn’t really be bothered to really deal with someone like that. At least, to fight with. He instead exhaled slowly, his breath rising white in the air. He was really too tired to fight back like he usually would have done, so he swallowed his pride and just let out a slight scoff. “Well, if she isn’t, then feel free to arrest me, sir.”
“Hmm, tempting.. But, that sounds like a lot of work to me. Too much paperwork would be a curse that I don’t really want to deal with tonight or ever really wish upon myself to have. And I think that’s something you really don’t want either,” Kaeya spoke as he approached Childe. His boots crunched softly against the thin layer of frost as he walked.
Snowflakes were nestled deeply in his hair and melted softly against his warm skin. It made Childe a bit ticked that this was the person that caught him out here, giving a slight snort. He always did hate how effortlessly the grand Cavalry Captain was able to stand in the snow, seeming to glow a bit within the cold. As if he was the Cryo Archon themselves, it was as if winter was bending around him in a sort of courtesy. That’s when Kaeya stopped beside him.
“You’re.. Bleeding?”
“Hah. You should see the other guy.” Childe spoke with a bit of sarcasm. He was tired and hated to seem so weak, especially in front of Kaeya. But he didn’t care to show it right now.
“Mhm. I see,” Kaeya spoke as his single exposed eye flickered down to Childe’s hands, seeing how damaged they were. They looked pretty raw with blood oozing slowly from them. “Considering how much your knuckles look, I think the other guy was a brick wall. No?” That earned another snort out of Childe.
“Maybe I deserved it. Maybe I deserve this type of pain.” Kaeya went silent after that and remained so still. The silence that formed between them wasn’t quite a comfortable one that Childe would oftentimes find between battles. It was the kind of silence that was unbearable at times with how it was stretched out into tight tension. The kind of silence that Kaeya understood greatly that Childe didn’t really want him to. He didn’t want him to understand what was going on.
“I heard.. About Liyue,” Kaeya finally spoke in a quiet voice. As if he had just unveiled one of Childe’s greatest secrets ever. “I know about the mission. The Fatui retaliation. The.. many casualties.”
Childe could only stiffen upon his words, remaining so still. “I don’t need your pity, Kaeya.”
“Good, because I wasn’t planning on giving you any.” Kaeya spoke as he crossed his arms. “Though, I will offer you some common sense at least. Since it’s something that you’re clearly short on for the night.” he snorted. Childe’s jaw tightened, not due to the insult that he gave him, but because it sounded so familiar with how Kaeya said it. Oddly, it was warm. But also irritating. It seemed like it was far too easy for the other man to just peel him apart, getting underneath his skin.
“I didn’t really come here to talk or get mocked by you.” Childe muttered lowly as he rubbed at the dried up blood that had slipped onto his palm. It itched and distracted him from having to look at Kaeya. “Ah yeah, that totally makes so much sense with how clear it is. Mhm hmm. You just decided to stand in the snow, all by yourself so you could suffer so dramatically and just hope that I would suddenly appear for you, right? I think I am.” That earned a sideways glare out of Childe.
“I didn’t hope for anything, Kaeya. I don’t need you.”
“Come now. I know that’s a lie..” Kaeya said softly. His quiet words seemed to strike Childe much more harder than any blow he had ever dealt with. Childe turned away from Kaeya once again, suddenly could feel the ache that was lodged deeply within his shoulders, exhaustion spread so largely across his bones. He was out of steam. He had been running and running on instinct for days to even get here; just with so much fighting, reporting to his people, run more, take a small breath and just end up fighting again.
And now, with even arriving in Mondstadt and its cold weather, it wasn’t just exhaustion that Childe felt, he also felt something else. He felt.. Hollow…
“Kaeya..” he said, his voice dropping low, “People died.. Good or bad, people did die..” Kaeya’s own breath hitched just a bit slightly, barely visible to Childe.
“You.. you don't have to pretend that it doesn't bother you, you know?” he said as he took a step towards Childe. “You may be a lot of things, Childe, but unaffected is not one of them. It’s okay to be upset. You’re human afterall. You can’t expect to be tough all of the time.” Childe could only swallow hard as snow continued to fall down. The lantern lights blurred at his vision, making things harder to see a bit in the night.
“It was.. My call.. No one else’s…” Childe whispered with his words turning ragged. As if the words were physically hurting him. “It was my decision to make.. If I hadn’t-”
“Then more would have died, do you realize that?” Kaeya cut him off sharply like a knife. “You should know that. This guilt that you’re carrying with you.. That you’re twisting it something more than it should be. I know that it’s real and how much you’re carrying, but it’s also unfair to you. Not everything is yours to carry by yourself.”
Childe could only bark out a laugh, humorless entirely of trying to save face to Kaeya. He hated how he knew how felt. He didn’t really want pity. “Oh spare me, grand Captain. You of all people that I know of should know exactly how it feels to carry such bloody choices.”
Kaeya didn’t respond like he normally would have, biting back a remark. He didn’t react negatively, instead, something flickered deeply in his eye. Something that Childe could recognize so easily because he understood it by having done so before. A long moment seemed to pass between the both of them, before soon Kaeya spoke back up again, his voice sounding much rougher than Childe was used to hearing.
“Come with me, Childe.” he said. Childe blinked slowly. “What?” That’s when Kaeya gestured towards the building. “You can’t stay out here, you know. You’re practically freezing, and frankly, I’m honestly not in the mood to scrape you off the pavement later on.”
“I can handle the cold.” Childe gritted through his teeth. “You can also handle getting stabbed too, Childe, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to let it happen.”
Childe’s breath now caught for a different reason entirely, he was kind of shocked. But, he didn’t argue when Kaeya reached out to him, with him lightly brushing his cold fingers against Childe’s wrist. As if there was an unspoken nudge, a sort of quiet offering to him that he gladly took from Kaeya. Childe followed him inside with his boots tracking pale arcs of snow that spread across the stone floor. The office that Kaeya had dragged Childe into was a small and warm room that was lit by a single oil lamp.
The papers in there were stacked so neatly, perhaps a little too neatly. Kaeya’s own office by the looks of it based on how much it reflected his own personality as Childe had suspected. He spotted a half-empty mug of spiced wine sat on the desk neatly as well. Kaeya then shut the door lightly with his heel and turned to face Childe. “Sit.” Childe merely raised an eyebrow as he stared at Kaeya. “Are you ordering me now?”
“Yes.” Kaeya simply spoke. Surprisingly enough, Childe found himself obeying him. He could feel how warm the chair was. It was a nice change of pace from the cold that he was used to. He saw that Kaeya walked up towards the drawer from his desk and grabbed a small medical kit out from it. Then knelt down in front of him, preparing to treat him. Childe could only stare down as he watched Kaeya, “You know, you don’t have to do that..”
“Hush,” Kaeya spoke as he unraveled a bandage with such dedicated hands. “Let us pretend for the night that I’m doing something responsible, okay?” Kaeya mumbled as he went to work. Childe honestly didn’t know what to do with that. But he let Kaeya work in silence, not really sure what to think at all as he did. He carefully brushed away the snow and dirt that lingered on his hands, carefully cleaning the cuts on them. His touch was clinical but at the same time, so gentle to Childe.
The gentleness was kind of annoying to him. He hated how he leaned into Kaeya’s touch when it was so comforting to him.
“You’re trembling, Childe.” Kaeya mumbled lightly without even taking a look at him. “It’s just.. Cold..”
“No, no Childe.. Not that kind of trembling.”
Childe stiffened at how easy he was to read. He didn’t want to be read like a book. Kaeya finally looked up at him, meeting his own gaze. “You’re scared. I know you are.”
“Don’t,” Childe hissed lightly as quickly as he could. Why? Why? Kaeya didn’t even flinch at his words. “I know Childe. You think fear is weak. It’s what’s been drilled into you. But it doesn’t. It’s normal.”
“It’s different to me. It does make me weaker than others.”
“Childe..” Kaeya spoke as his voice softened, his gaze softening as well. “You’re allowed to hurt. You’re allowed to feel like a human. You don’t have to force yourself to feel constantly tough. You shouldn’t have to.”
Childe could only look away from him as his jaw clenched. “If I let myself do that, then I won’t get back up. I won’t be able to do anything right afterwards. I will completely fall.”
“Then I’ll help you get back up.” Kaeya spoke before he realized what he said. Why would he say that? The words hung up in the air, fragile and stunning that left the two kind of dazed. Childe swallowed, his throat tightening. His voice then dropped to a single whisper. “You.. mean that?”
Kaeya then finished wrapping the bandage, with gently resting his hand on Childe’s knee. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. You should know that by now.” After that, the silence that seemed to follow was pretty different. As if it was warm, thick and fragile.. Something that Childe hadn’t really felt in months. Then slowly, Kaeya stood up, “Just stay here for the night. You shouldn’t be alone.” Childe’s breath hitched.
“With… you?”
“If that's what you want, then yes.” Childe then lifted his head to see Kaeya. He searched Kaeya's face to see if there was any sort of mockery on it.
There was none. He was being serious. So… different. “I want it…” Childe admitted as he let out a small shiver. “More than I should probably want.” He hated sharing his feelings, but it was true. Why hide the truth now?
Kaeya's own expression softened, with the eye that was uncovered, Childe could see how gentle he was being with him. It was such a rare occurrence for him. To see him so vulnerable with him, as if his usual mask had slipped away and he was actually caring for Childe in a way that showed him how much he mattered to him. “Then.. stay. Stay with me.”
That’s when it hit him. It hit Childe like a truck. How caring Kaeya was to him. The exhaustion that was heavy and deep within his chest, just turned into something else. It turned into something tight, hot, almost like he was relieved.
Relieved to not put up a front anymore. He stood up, seeing the snow had melted off his coast and how it dripped onto the floor. Kaeya didn’t really seem to care or mind at all. His mind wasn’t focused on that, no, instead, all of his attention was set on Childe. He stepped closer to him, close enough that Childe could hear his quiet yet steady breathing.
“Kaeya,” Childe whispered softly, “Why..? Why are you being so kind to me? This isn’t really your style..” Kaeya’s lips curled so faintly. Why was he acting like this to him? He was a Harbinger after all, he did his best to clean up after the messes they tend to cause in the nation. And yet, here he was, helping Kaeya out as if he was one of his own soldiers. Maybe even more.
“Because Childe.. Underneath all that bloodlust and bravado you have, you’re still infuriatingly human. No matter how much you look at it. You are still a human of flesh that should be allowed to have comfort, despite things. But as well.. It’s because-” He spoke before hesitating to continue. Just for a single heartbeat however.
“It’s because I care.. I care for all humans. As much as I hate how much the Harbingers have caused so much damage to this world.. You are still human. So there is no exception from you.”
Childe felt his words strike him like a blow. It wasn’t like the kind that would cause him bodily harm. More so, it felt like something had cracked right open. Before he knew it, he reached out to touch Kaeya’s face, his fingers brushed so gently against his cheek. Kaeya didn’t pull away though.
If anything, he leaned into his touch. His warmth was radiating against Childe.
“You’re trouble.” Childe murmured as he continued to touch Kaeya’s cheek. Kaeya could only smirk at his remark. “Now, now. I thought that was your title. Mr. King Trouble.”
Childe huffed a little laugh that was quiet and quite strained, but it was a real one. Maybe the first one that he had made in such a long time. It seemed to come out so easily when he was around Kaeya. “Maybe we match too well.” Childe spoke as he grinned. Kaeya’s own smile softened. “Maybe we do.”
He reached up, resting his hand gently over Childe’s own hand. Childe stepped even closer to him, their foreheads nearly touching each other. The cold that was between them for so long, seemed to melt into something so warm and unsteady. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Not much was to be said anyways. They simply stood there, breathing the same quiet air as they stared at each other. They let the winter wind murmur outside of the window where they could hear it instead while they breathed.
Then finally, Kaeya spoke up, “Sleep. We can talk more in the morning. Hopefully you’ll feel much better then.” Childe closed his eyes, taking everything in. “If I do.. just don’t leave. Please?”
“I won’t.”
“You promise?”
Kaeya’s thumb brushed softly against Childe’s skin, trying his best to comfort him. “I promise.” Neither of them knew what tomorrow would bring. Childe especially didn’t know what his brethren would demand, what sort of debts of blood that would come for him. What sort of choices he would be forced into next.
It made him anxious to think about. But for once, just for tonight, he allowed himself to relax. He even let Kaeya guide him to the narrow cot by the far wall of his office. Letting him lay down in it, easing him into it as Kaeya was allowed to even sit beside him. He let his own breath steady so calmly, letting the warmth of someone else’s presence ground him in a way that he hadn’t allowed in far too long.
To let himself feel calm by Kaeya’s presence. It was nice to feel this way. He slowly drifted into sleep with Kaeya’s remaining by his side, his hand still lightly resting on Childe’s hand. For the first time in months, the world didn’t feel so unbearably cold with someone around. That’s what they both felt in the moment and it was a night to remember for sure.