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"You're exhausting".
Eddie's harsh voice, along with the look of disgust and anger, combined with the angry, disappointed expressions on Hen and Chimney's faces, almost tipped Buck over the edge. He barely remembers the trip to the supermarket, what he needed to grab or the upcoming heat that was supposed to come within the new couple of days. All he could remember was the look on Eddie's face, a face that he had fallen in love with, a face of the man that he wanted his future children to inheirt. The face of a man who once gazed at him with love and adoration, replaced by coldness and distrust.
It made Buck curl up on the couch inside the loft, his body shaking from the fresh tears that had raked through his body. Just when he thought that he had run out of tears, there was always a fresh load that came out. He picked up his phone, where a reminder of his heat flashed up. He was supposed to be spending it with Eddie; they had everything planned out. Eddie would get all of Buck's favourite snacks, gather as many soft blankets and pillows possible and create a nest worthy of his mate.
His mate.
Buck wasn't even sure if they could call themselves that. Not after the lawsuit, not after he complained about how they wouldn't let him back because of his secondary nature. Because, like what society had been drilled into believing, he wasn't meant to be a firefighther. Heck, he hasn't even heard from Maddie, or has only read a message he had sent that morning, asking her how her day was.
He had no one.
He pushed his palms into his eyes, gulping in a couple of deep breathes as he got up. He went to the sink and washed his face, taking a couple more deep breathes to push the nausea back. He had been plaged by that for the last couple of weeks, and he would normally have Eddie fussing over him, making him old remedies that his Abuela used to make. He looked through the carbniets and found some soup mix inside.
He didn't have the stregthen to cook, but he knew he needed to eat something. Taking one last deep breath, he turned on the stove and put the mix in a pot. He started to mix it when he felt something in the air. He turned towards the front door. He slowly walked over to it and gave the door handle a small nudge, finding it locked. He had started to turn back, when he was hit in the face by a fist. His head knocked onto the front door and his body crumbled onto the ground. He could smell blood, probably coming from the large cut on his forehead or dripping down his nose. He could barely concentrate as he felt his body get pulled away from the door, dragged through the floor before he found himself on a soft surface.
His mattress. Why was he on his bed? How did he get on his bed?
He felt a hot breath touch his neck as a mouth placed itself over the skin, followed by a hand slipping down his waist to unbuckle his belt. "Hey, pretty boy. I finally have you were I want you, pretty omega bitch," the voice crooned, and Buck suddenly was brought back to mild consciousness. He tried to fight, he truly did. But the punch and hit had made him sluggish in his movement. He felt cool air touch his lower body as his pants were removed, followed by fingers forcing their way inside.
"Fuck you're tight. This pussy is going to be worth it," the offender grunted as he thrusted his fingers in and out of Buck, holding him down as he tried to bring movement back to his body. Just as his mind was awake, it started to go blank as the fingers moved away and something thicker was going in him. Maybe it was a blessing, because it meant he wasn't conscious when the front door was broken down. It meant he wasn't awake when the offender was pulled off him and Eddie started to beat him bloody. It meant he didn't have to see Bobby cover his mouth as bile started to creep out. It meant he wasn't awake as Hen tried to pull Eddie off the offender so that the officers could take him away, while Chimney tried to push through his own nausea as he got to work trying to stop the bleeding. Lastly, it meant that he remained unconscious as he was loaded into the ambulance by another team, all the while Athena gave his old team a disgusted glare before hopping into the ambulance with him. All the while, his team could only watch in mute horror before Eddie broke down, screaming and yelling as he punched the ground until his fist was bloodied and broken.
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You're exhausting.
Eddie buried his face in his hands, tears rushing down his face as he sat at the table at the fire house. Why did those words come out of his mouth? How could he saw that to his mate? The future mother of his children? The one who stepped up to help look after Chris and fill in the role that Shannon was supposed to. He had watched as Buck's face fell apart, and he was a coward. He was a coward who chose to walk away, chose to ignore his inner alpha yelling at him to go back and comfort his mate, to tell him how sorry he was. He never meant to say those words, but of course his stupid anger and mouth had to made him say it.
He could feel eyes watching him, and he knew that he wasn't the only one feeling guilty. Both Hen and Chimney regretted not comforting the omega or being there for him, since they were always the ones who sang him praises for breaking through the sigma that society has forced on omegas.
Eddie looked up and turned to Bobby, who was gripping the bench tightly. He had confessed to them that evening that Buck had dropped the lawsuit, that all he wanted was to come back to be a firefighter. To be with his family. The only family who has truly loved him and made him feel wanted. "We're just as bad as his parents," he said, his voice broken and raw. Bobby took a deep, shuttering breath as he tipped his head back. "It's wasn't supposeed to be like this. I....I just didn't want to lose another son," he said as Hen looked down at her stone cold tea. She then got up and walked over to the sink, dumping it in there before grabbing her jacket. "Where are you going?" Chimney asked as she made her way down the stairs. "Where do you think? To apologise to Buck. You three can mop around and feel sorry for yourselves, but I'm going to do the decent thing and apologise to him," she called.
Eddie was quiet for a moment before standing up. "Wait up, I'm coming with you," he said as he all but sprinted down the stairs. He heard Bobby and Chimney get their things and following after them, when the alarm went off. "Engine 118, medical assisstance required at a possible break in at 107 Angeles road." Immediately, a chill filled the fire house as everyone shared a look, horror slowly setting in.
"That's Buck's apartment number," Eddie forced out as they clambered in to the engine. By some miracle, they made it before the police. Eddie doesn't remember getting out of the engine. He doesn't remember his feet carrying him up the same steps, because in his mind it was faster. He doesn't remember running down the hall and reaching Buck's loft. He doesn't remember trying to turn the handle, only to find it locked. He unfortunately remembers breaking the door down. He unfortunately remembers finding blood stains on the floor. He unfortunately remembers finding a blood trail that lead upstairs to where Buck's bed was. He is defineatly unfortunate to remember finding his mate, his love, lying unconscious on the bed. He unfortunately remembers the unknown alpha on top of Buck, remembering slick covered fingers before pushing himself inside the omega. He unfortunately remembers pulling the alpha off and his fist first making contact with his face, then again and again. He unfortunately remembers Hen pulling him off so that the officers could get to him. He remembers hearing retching as Bobby voimts outside the window. He remembers Chimney yelling out he needed support to lift Buck onto the board.
He remembers the pure look of horror on Athena's face, battling with her maternal pain of seeing a person that she has grown to love as a son, the only person who stuck by his side during the lawsuit, as she walked into the loft. He remembers her ordering her officers to move Chimney and Hen away from Buck as another EMT crew took over his care. He remembers Bobby reaching out for her, only to flinch as she smacked his hand off her shoulder and offered him no support or comfort. Like they did with Buck.
He somehow remembers following them down to the ambulance, where Athena gave them one last disgusted look. "You should live with this shame for the rest of your lives. You failed to protect him," she said before getting into the ambulance. The sirens sounded as they pulled out and disappeared down the street. Lastly, as he watched the ambulance drive away, all Eddie could do was scream and punch the ground until there was a crunch.
You failed.
You failed.
You failed.
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When Buck came too, he found himself inside a hospital bed. His head throbbed and he felt like he was going to vomit. A nurse, who happened to be checking his vitals, noticed the change of colour on his face and quickly grabbed a bowl before he emptied whatever was left inside his stomach. Once he was done, he shrunk away.
She's going to be annoyed with me.
She's going to think I'm disgusting.
She's going to think I'm exhausting.
"I-I'm sorry," he said as the nurse quickly got rid of the bowl and very delicately placed her hand on his shoulder. "Honey, you have absolutely nothing to apologies for. It's unfortunately a normal reaction for.....for what you went through," she replied, giving him a small, sad smile. "I've got a Mrs. Athena Grant waiting for you, darling. Do you want her to come in?" She asked, wanting the younger omega to feel comfortable and not pushed. Buck took a deep breath before nodding. "Yes please," he whispered. She gave him a small smile and some fresh water before disappearing out the door.
Outside, Athena sat on one side, while the 118 sat on the other. Maddie had rushed in and Athena scoffed as soon as she saw the tears. "Crocodile tears aren't are good look for you, Maddie," she said as the beta stood there shaking. "I-I'm not faking. How could I fake something like that?! That's my baby borther in there," She said, sobbing at the end of it as Chimney got up to comfort her. Athena scoffed again and rolled her eyes; "really? 'My baby brother'. He certainly wasn't your baby brother for the last couple of weeks! You chose some fling over your own fresh and blood, especially when he needed you the most. This isn't a Doug sitatuion, Maddie. You had free will and reign regarding to caring for Buck, and you chose the people who pushed him away from his home and duty," she hissed, her alpha voice slowly seeping through. Maddie flinched as she sat down, gripping her hands tightly.
"Athena, please. We....we have acknowledged that we mistreated Buck. We want to make amends with him," Bobby said as Athena rolled her eyes at her husband. "Bit late for that now, isn't it? Don't you know how long it's going to take him to trust any of you again? Especially you!" She said, casting her gaze onto Eddie, who was sporting a cast on his hand from breaking it. "He is your mate. Was your mate. And you kicked him to the curb because he wanted to come back and not be a little housewife like he was trained to be. You all have a lot of work ahead of you, but you have the hardest work of all, Edmundo Diaz. So you better start working on your grovelling," she spat out.
Eddie just sat there and took it. He deserved it. He failed to protect his mate, the one duty that every alpha was taught from a young age. Everytime he closed his eyes, he could still see Buck's broken form behind his eyelids.
Failed.
Failed.
Failed.
Just then, a small Asian nurse walked over to Athena and whispered in her ear. The crew didn't even react as the nurse gave them a distrustful look before Athena stood up. "Go home, all of you. Reflect on your actions and start on working on building that boy's trust back up. He's going to need it for the hell he's about to go through," she said, her voice suddenly sounded like it had aged 50 years. She then followed the nurse down to Buck's room, leaving the crew and Maddie to drown in their sorrow and guilt.
Buck turned to the door as the nurse returned, and he was immediately meet with the scent of aged paper, lilies and caramel. "Athena," he sobbed as the female alpha hurried over, gathering him in her arms. "Oh my boy. Oh my baby boy. I've got you, I've got you," she whispered as she showered his head with kisses, holding him close as he sobbed against her chest. She just rubbed his back, humming softly as she allowed him to stain her shirt with his tears. "We've got him, baby. We're going to put him away for a long time," she said as she nuzzled the top of his head. By the time he was done crying, his headache had returned tenfold and so did the nausea. "Let's get some fluids into you, Buckaroo," she crooned as she placed a straw into the cup and held it for Buck to drink out of. Once he had encough, he rested his head on the pillow, giving Athena a mournful look. "I'm sorry I'm so exhausting, Athena. You shouldn't be here if you don't want to be," he said, causing the female alpha to gasp in horror.
"Baby, you are my child in all but blood. Hell will freeze over before it takes me from you," she said as she gently took his hand. That gentle croon was enough to bring the tears back. "But that's all I am, Athena. I'm exhausting, all I do is hurt people and waste their time. It would have been better if I wasn't resuced. He probably would have killed me and then everyone would be glad. I'll be out of their lives and no one will have to worry about me. I won't exhaust them with my presence and everyone could live their lifes happily without me in it," he said. Athena has seen many crimes and tradgies over her life; the death of her partner, murdered omegas killed because no one wanted to help them, May trying to kill herself. But hearing Buck, her bundle of sunshine Evan, who always made it his mission to bring smiles to everyone's faces, saying that he wanted his rapist to kill him, that did it for her.
"Evan Buckley. Do not talk like that," she scowled as she cupped his cheeks, gently turning his head so that she could face him. "You are strong. You are light. You bring so much happiness to everyone who should call themselves lucky to be graced by your presence. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know and most people are alive because you have helped them. So do not talk about dying. Don't you know how dark our world will be without you? I know the 118 are paying for their mistake of not letting you come back. They're still out there suffering in their guilt for not treating you with respect and kindness, like you should be. They have a lot of work to do to earn your forgiveness back. And no, don't say they did nothing wrong, I see that in your eyes. They should have been there for you, Buck, and they weren't. Now they are rightfully suffering because of it."
Buck was quiet for a moment before he wiped his eyes. "Is....is he out there?" He asked, his voice small with the faintest hint of hope.
Her Buck. Of course he would be worried about Eddie.
"He is. But don't think I'm going to be making things easy for him, Baby. He's not only going to work for my approval, but he's got some work to do before he earns an ounce of your forgiveness. Okay? You're worthy of love, Buck, make him work for it," she said as she cupped his cheeks. Buck was quiet for a moment before nodding, letting out a small breath. "Okay. Thank you, Athena. Thank you Mama," he whispered as Athena gently kissed his forehead. "I'll always be here for you, my beautiful baby boy," she said.
Outside the door, they weren't aware that the others were standing outside it. They heard everything, how Buck wanted to die, how he had thought himself as exhausting. How he thought he was unworthy of love. Eddie was the first to break free from the horror filled trance. He slowly walked down the hall.
Despite it all, Buck had asked about him.
Despite it all, he had a small trance of hope that Eddie still loved him.
Despite it all, Eddie still had a chance at winning Buck back.
As he forced himself out of the hospital, he started planning. He was going to use every trick he knew to earn Buck's love back. And when he gets Buck back, he's never going to let him go.
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They went by Athena's orders.
- They were all required to take an omega-based workshop to teach them how they should treat omegas in the work place.
- They will all see a counsellor who specializes in omega sensory factors and how to improve their treatment towards omegas.
- They will give Buck space when he needs it and to give him support during the trial.
- Under no circumstance were they allowed to be left alone with him if he wasn't comfortable in their presence.
- They could visit him as long as Athena, Micheal or someone that Buck trusted was their.
- If Buck wants to visit Chris, then he is to only be left with Carla. (Who, after shooting Eddie a cold look, happily agreed to it. "I'm not being a tool to help you win Buck back. You're doing that by yourself.")
- Gradually, when he is allowed to come back, they will treat him with kindness and compassion.
At first, the rules absolutely tortured Eddie. He had watched as Hen was the first one to be forgiven, followed by Chimney. Maddie had a lot of work to do, confessing that her PSTD from Doug is what made her hesitate to reach out to Buck. Now she was working on repairing any fractures that had appeared after the lawsuit. At the end, it resulted in a hug that the siblings desperately needed as they made a vow to move on from the past and to better their future. The last ones were Bobby and Eddie. This was because they had the most impact on Buck's drop; Bobby because he had filled in the father role that Buck had wanted his whole life. And Eddie.....well, he had to earn more than Buck's forgiveness. Chris had packed a bag and stayed at Athena's every since Buck was discharged from the hospital.
"Until Buck forgives you, I'm not living with you. You're just as bad as all the other alphas who hurt Buck. I don't want to be a part of that. Buck needed you, now I'll go and do the one thing you couldn't do; look after him," Chris said as he picked up his bag before walking out with Carla to the car.
Eddie still remembers shutting the door and sliding down it, cupping his face as he screamed into an empty house. That was nearly a month ago, and he was pining for his family back. He heard that Bobby was able to sit down with Buck by himself without having Athena in the room. At the end of it, she had come in to find them in a tight embrace, Bobby sobbing his apologises after confessing that he wanted to keep Buck safe and he failed to do his duty as a father.
Now, he was the only one left. He was allowed to visit Buck, but every time he did, he was forced to stand outside the room that Athena had given Buck. After the attack, Athena had the omega move into their spare room and the loft was sold quickly. He had learnt about the nausea spouts, the weight loss and other symtopms Buck had been experiecing was because he was entering a drop. It was only a shirt that he had in the loft that contained his scent that stopped him from dropping completely.
Still, he tried to support Buck through his recovery as best as he could. He attended his own conuselling sessions with Frank, who explored his childhood truama and religious guilt for choosing a male omega over a woman. "You shouldn't be ashamed of that, Eddie. You still have time to earn Buck's forgiveness and to live that life you want," Frank had told him. He kept up-to-date with the trial, using the skills he had picked up in the anger management classes Frank enrolled him into when he learnt that the bastard only got 10 years, despite police finding photos of Buck going out his daily life, both as a firefigther and after the lawsuit.
"He's the son of a rich white man. What do you expect?" Hen said with disgust as she looked through Instrgram, where all the omega activitists were holding a witch trial, telling the courts to give him a life sentence. Even people who didn't know Buck knew he was a good person and desvered justice.
He will admit, the verdict did set not only him back, but Buck as well. He blocked everyone back out again, even Athena. The only one who could get through to him was Chris, who slowly encouraged him to retreat from the broken shell he escaped into. But, just as he thought it was going to continue being dark, little bits of light started to show through; Buck would leave an empty plate outside his door that held a treat or his favourite meal from the Italian resturant they had discovered on their first night as a couple. He started to leave little notes on his door, thanking him for the flowers or the letter he would write everyday. They were slow steps, but as Frank stated, slow is good. Slow meant Buck was coming back into his life. That he was getting ready.
Then, one night in August, it happened. Eddie had a bad day, and all he wanted was comfort from Buck. On his bad days, the omega was the only one who could give him the love and comfort he seeked. And not having that truly hurt him. Still, he respected Buck's space, so all he could do was sit with his back against the door. Just that alone made the alpha better.
He looked out the window and noticed the stars. He then noticed that it was unusually quiet. It was nice. He then rested the back of his head against the door. "There was a young omega on the call today. He.....he was escaping his ex. But he found him, and locked him inside his house. We got there in time to put the fire out and get him out."
He heard shuffling inside the room and faintly caught the scent of peaches. He kept talking, his eyes heating up slightly. "I.....I kept going back to that day. If I was there, you would have been safe. You.....you weren't have been hurt. You would be back at the house, cooking with Bobby and telling us some random fact. You would be playing with Hen on the controller while bickering with Chim. You would be home with Chris, the two of you pulling pranks and playing games. We.....we would be happy, in our nest, in our home."
By now, the tears had filled up and now spilling freely as he felt a sob escaped him. "Cariño, I don't deserve you. But hear me out please. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I shouldn't have treated you like that, that is no excuse. I should have supported you, been there for you. I've had help, I know now that my actions define every sort of discrimination that alphas show to omegas everyday. I had vowed I would never be like that, that, should I end up with an omega, I would treat them with love. With respect. With compassion. Like a life partner. And I ruined that. I failed as your alpha. I understand you need time, and I'll give you all the time you need. But just know this; I love you. I hate myself for being cruel to you. I've been visiting church every Sunday to repent my sins and failure of being a good alpha. Evan.....Buck, mi sol. I miss your smile, I miss the way your eyes light up when you get excited and happy. The little wiggle you to when you eat something nice or make a recipe that you've been wanting to make for ages. I.....I miss you. I want us to be together. I want to create a family with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Eddie took a couple of deep breathes as he sat there. He sat there in silence; there was no movement from the other side of the room. Then, there was a shuffle and the door was slowly turning. The alpha quickly shot up and his breath caught his his throat as Buck stood there in. His curls had grown slightly, he had gained weight back and his skin was now a healthy glow. He was the most beautiful person Eddie has ever since.
"It's quiet outside," Buck had whispered, his voice wakening something inside Eddie as tears filled his eyes once again.
Forgiveness. Can you imagine.
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They started slow. Bobby or Athena would stand out by the door as they walked through the garden, Eddie fighting the urge to take Buck's hand in his.
Then, he started to slowly allow Eddie to touch him. It was his hand, then at hug. Then, one night, Buck had turned to him, staring at Eddie with those big blue eyes. He slowly leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Eddie sat there in shock as Buck offered him a small smile. "You can kiss me, if you want?" And, despite wanting to pull Buck in for a deep kiss, he fought against the urges. He was still earning Buck's trust and love back. So the kiss he gave him was soft and gentle.
The first night Buck asked if they could make love, Eddie treated him with gentle and love. He spent most of the night gently holding him in his arms, listening to Buck and watching his body language for any discomfort. He went entirely by Buck. Once they were done, Buck cupped his cheeks softly. "I love you, Eddie," he had whispered. Eddie felt the first tear, then another until they all came out as he cupped his face. He was gazing at the omega as if he was a rare piece of treasure, like a blind man seeing the sunset for the first time. He was never going to lose his mate ever again.
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Soon, Buck was back at the fire house, his name proudly displayed in its rightful place. His return brought salvation back to the 118. They were missing a puzzle piece and now with Buck back, they were complete.
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Months later, Eddie got down on one knee and proposed, to which through tears and a blinding smile, Buck accepted. The next few months were filled Athena and Isabel planning their wedding. On their wedding night, after a passionate session of claiming and love making, Buck pulled out a small box.
"Ready for forever?" He asked as he opened the box, revealing a positive pregnancy test. Eddie stared at him, then up at his wife. He gave him a blinding smile as he pulled him for a gentle, tender kiss, pouring all his love into it.
"More than anything."