Chapter Text
Their little arrangement was born out of pure necessity. It doesn’t have to mean anything at all, it’s just convenient for both of them.
That's what he keeps telling himself every time it happens.
It's basic biology, pure instincts and raw primal desire that clouds their minds and affects their judgement.
That's the only plausible explanation for such a sweet and beautiful person like Atsushi to allow a man like him to taint his pure body with his dirty hands. A poor naive boy who doesn’t know better, Dazai tells himself. The smile on his face tastes bitter now, even more than the alcohol in front of him.
An untouched glass of the same drink that he is currently downing beside him, the seat as empty as it has been for years now. He used to come here for some sort of connection back when he believed the path of light was out of his reach, that just like all the abilities he encountered he would make the light disappear if he ever dared to touch it.
Back then, when people still feared him as the Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia he accepted that as something fair, even too gracious some people could say. After all, a man like him who never gave mercy to his victims didn't deserve it in return.
But now? Now that he isn't the Demon Prodigy anymore and walked the path of the light he became greedy, way too greedy.
“Since both sides are the same, become a good person. Save the weak, protect orphans. Regardless of whether it’s justice or evil, to you, there isn’t a big difference between the two… But, doing that would be better.”
Dazai's mind circles back to those words from time to time. Odasaku's last words were a bittersweet ending to his time in the mafia, a supposed perfect new beginning for him, an opportunity to “turn the page” and start over, just like his dear friend wished for as he let his last breath.
“How do you know that?” He asked.
“I know, I know this better than anyone else.”
At that moment he had reluctantly agreed with his dying friend, whatever gave him peace to part.
“I understand… I’ll do that.”
He now harbored the tiniest bit of resentment towards the man, not anything big, he couldn't. Just a tiny ache in his chest because Odasaku never warned him about the dangers of trying to do good, to become good.
No one talked about how easy it was to forget that he wasn't, that no matter how many good deeds he committed nothing could erase his past.
You could turn as many pages as you wanted, hell, you could even rip the whole book to shreds but the ink in which all the words were written couldn't be erased so easily.
The walk back home was quiet and cold and that made him feel at ease, it made sense.
■
The next day at the Agency he felt the piercing gaze of Ranpo following his every movement around the office, the intelligence of the omega was impossible to escape.
Just how much he knew already? Probably not enough because he still hasn't thrown him out of their lives back to the darkness where he was sure he belonged.
“Dazai-san?” He opened his eyes at the sweet voice that called his name so kindly– he didn’t deserve to hear his name said like that, he knows it wholeheartedly. His name used to be screamed while begging for mercy, it was more than one time a person’s last word.
He supposes he can keep pretending a bit more if that means he gets to be close to this light for another day.
“Yes, Atsushi-kun?” He finally lifted his face from the desk looking up to the figure hovering over him with those beautiful eyes filled with worry, the perfect combination of purple and gold.
“Are you…okay?” He looked at him suspiciously and Dazai didn’t know just how much longer he could bear to be put under such pressure before breaking, his heart aching with a mix of longing and resignation.
“Why do you ask, my dear protegeé? Don’t I look fine and extremely handsome?” He sat up straight and smiled brightly, he learned to wear that smile almost as a mask and hopefully that would be enough to hide the fact that right now everything around him was spinning.
“No.” A light frown formed in his face. “I m-mean yes, you are handsome.” His subordinate's usually pale cheeks gained a cute blush as he turned his face to the side in what he supposes is embarrassment. “But that’s not what I meant, you look off.” Those beautiful purple-yellow orbs stared at him again.
“Are you sick, maybe?” A hand was put to his forehead, the touch was gentle, way too tempting. Dazai knew he was undeserving of being touched like that.
Atsushi knitted his brows, his hand was still touching the brunette’s forehead, he was clearly confused by the lack of any indication of a fever. The ex-mafioso’s heart was beating uncontrollably in his chest. It wasn't supposed to be like that, he is supposed to always be in control, but the fear of the weretiger with his powerful sense of smell getting too close and being able to detect the remnants of his pitiful habits was making him anxious.
But before he could worry any more–
“That idiot isn’t sick, kid.” The blond man didn’t even look away from his laptop. “He just has a hangover.”
So is it that obvious, huh? He feels his heart sink in his body while he stares at the silver haired boy, looking for any signs of disgust or repulsion starting to form on his face. He is surprised when he doesn’t find anything like that, instead all he sees is even more worry directed at him.
Before allowing Atsushi to say anything to him, he turns to look at his blond colleague with a very big frown governing his face. He smiles at that, loving the familiarity and casualness. There is something strangely warm about having people knowing him like that.
There’s no point in hiding it anymore then.
Dazai quickly steps up and makes his way to the bathroom, the acid is already making its way through his throat.
“I’m gonna kill that bastard once he is able to walk straight.” The alpha keeps typing furiously while fixing his glasses.
Atsushi could only smile sheepishly at the scene, the worry finally leaving his face thanks to their usual banter.
Inside the bathroom, Dazai empties his stomach into one of the toilets, the sting that travels through his throat is a familiar feeling for all the times he had to deal with poison before but that still doesn’t make it any less disgusting.
The worst part is probably the aftertaste that lingers inside his mouth and the tiny tears forming at the corners of his eyes.
Feeling a little bit better at the very least, he makes his way out of the stall.
“I know what you are doing.” Ranpo is next to the bathroom mirror looking at him with a neutral expression and holding a water bottle. “Alphas are always so stupid.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about, Ranpo-san.” He smiles towards the genius. “I just drank too much last night, I guess alcohol intoxication suicide is ruled out now, wish me luck next time.”
The omega hands him the water bottle and smirks. “Killing yourself alone? Don’t insult my intelligence. Your lies are getting sloppy, Atsushi is naive, not stupid.”
The alpha didn’t respond, his smile dropping a little.
“You helped him with his heat and now you are avoiding him.I know you are not that kind of alpha so what’s really making you act more like an idiot than usual?”
Does he really not know? Or is he just pitying me?
He drinks from the bottle and gets out of the bathroom without a word.
Outside he finally is able to breathe calmly.
“Sit your useless ass immediately and finish your report.” Kunikida grabs him by the collar and starts dragging him towards his desk.
Dazai loves this little play he has with the blond.
It makes him feel less heavy every time that this childish behavior of his gets an angry response from his colleague, he gets to feel like life is maybe not that serious.
“Kunikida-kun~ if you keep frowning like that your ideal woman will reject you because you’ll look like a grandma.”
Apparently that was enough to break the already thin patience of the blond. “YOU-”
“Waah, Atsushi-kun, save me!” The brunette alpha went hiding behind the silver haired omega.
“Kunikida-san, if you strangle Dazai-san he won’t be able to finish his report.”
“Yeah, tell him- wait, that’s also so mean. Doesn’t anyone care for me?” he said dramatically.
“Ah…I swear to go Dazai if you don’t finish your report by today.” The look on the man’s face was murderous as he retreated back to his seat.
Once the threat of being strangled was gone Dazai became aware of his situation, he didn’t realize it before but he had his hands on Atsushi’s shoulders, way too close to the omega’s neck.
Being this close to Atsushi he was able to smell the faint scent of jasmine, the moment it hit his nose he wished he could just rip the scent patches the boy was wearing, just like that night–
He stops his train of thought, memories of the boy’s sweet intoxicating scent are not what he needs right now if he intends to remain calm.
God, he was such a horrible person.
He took one step back to distance himself from the omega and noticed how a flicker of sadness disturbed the beautiful boy’s face.
Dazai had to suppress an urge to do something about the pouting boy, somewhere deep inside his consciousness he feels an almost instinctual command telling him to console this omega, his omega.
But the problem is that… Atsushi isn’t his omega, he should never be.
Feigning ignorance about the topic works perfectly fine, he reassures himself, it doesn’t matter how heavy his chest feels with each sad expression from Atsushi when he forces himself to create distance between them.
The boy is naive and doesn’t know better, he doesn’t deserve someone as awful as him by his side. People like Atsushi deserve someone perfect, after all the suffering he has been through, that’s the least the universe should offer him.
And Dazai is far from perfect, a demon like him would only ruin the sweet boy´s chances at happiness.
Dazai already sinned, the sin of touching something divine and pure and tarnishing it with his disgusting touch. The least he can do for the omega is to put space between them, that’s the right thing to do, at least until Atsushi realizes how much of a monster he truly is and starts hating him for deceiving him, when that moment finally arrives he doesn’t know what he’ll do.