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The day started good, they usually did nowadays. Days where he got to wake up in Ilya's arms, unhurried, not worried about an early flight or if it would be too suspicious if they arrived at similar times. Now, they could rise gently. It was the best gift Shane thinks he's ever been given.
That was how today started too, his alarm going off as it did every day at five a.m, signaling it was time for his morning workout. And.. Ilya groaning softly, everyday at five -oh-one a.m as he snuggled deeper into the nape of Shane's neck, his arms tightening around his waist and pulling him closer to his chest.
"I am killing your phone, мои любимый." Ilya grumbled against him as Shane slowly began disentangling himself from his octopus husband.
"You say that every day and yet, here it stands, still alive." Shane pointed out for what must've been the fifth time this week. He wouldn't have it any other way.
Ilya just hummed, as if plotting his phones impending demise but neglecting to tell Shane when the fateful day would come. Shane just laughed quietly.
"I'll be back in an hour, you better be up, we have morning skate and then I have that meeting I told mom I'd be at."
It wasn't even that important honestly, his mom more implied that he'd probably be helpful for Hayden navigating a brand deal he'd never done before. And since Shane had done countless ads for this company his mom suggested that he could be of assistance. And, well, Shane was just glad that his best friend was finally transferring to his team. To Ottawa He'd missed the hell out of him, though Ilya would only agree if it was about Jackie and the kids. Either way, Shane being there would help Hayden get out faster and help further cement his place with the Centaurs, he was glad to do it but it wasn't a make or break, Hayden would have his spot regardless.
"Yes, yes, солинЫшко, so very bossy."
"You love it" Shane smiled down at the mess of curls that was Ilya's morning bedhead.
"That I do, Pike will also be there, yes?"
"Yes, Ilya."
"Tell him I am happy he has become fifteenth best Centaur."
"No, Ilya."
Ilya heaved a long drawn out sigh, as if extremely put out that Shane wouldn't feed into their teasing, despite them both becoming better about it in the last two years.
"Fine, I will tell Pike next time we see him, hopefully he will bring lovely Jackie and children."
"I'm sure he'll love that, sweetheart."
Ilya let out a wistful hum, the endearment always turning him a little mushy, as Shane was counting on. He leant down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.
"I love you, be back soon."
Ilya reached up, his hands gentle, as they always were with Shane, like he was holding something precious every time, they ghosted over his cheekbones and came to cradle his jaw. Ilya sat up, pressing a soft kiss to Shane's lips, not seeking, just tender, full of love.
"Я тебя люблю, I will be here."
Shane smiled as he went to change into his workout clothes, what had he done to deserve this?
~
The day continued to be mundane in the best of ways really.
Morning skate was finished and he was changing out in the locker room, getting ready for his meeting with Hayden, Ilya was beside him, valiantly pretending he wasn't eye-fucking his husband as he changed and Shane was allowing him to think he was doing a good job at hiding it.
Well, he was allowing it, the rest of the Centaurs were decidedly not.
"Roz, you see him everyday man." Bood groaned as he pulled a shirt over his head.
"Да, it is a sight every day, Bood, you do not look at Cassie the same? A shame, I do not understand what she see's in you."
Bood laughed, "Nah man, I do, I usually just do it without being in a locker room full of my team."
"Then how will she know you think she is beautiful every moment, hmm? Shane-"
"I'm not helping you."
"You must, Shane, you know this yes? I think you are most beautiful person I've ever seen."
Shane still couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks every time Ilya said something like that. He hoped it always felt like this.
"Rozy, you were not thinking pure thoughts in the slightest and you know it." Dykstra called from his side of the room while tidying his locker. A rare sight from him.
"You know nothing, Dykstra." Ilya spoke, haughty and smug with it.
"Oh I definitely know, Roz, I have a wife."
"Yes, yes and she is lovely and much too good for you. We know this too."
A chorus of laughs rang out as Evan nodded in agreement. Shane interrupted when the noise died down some, Ilya's attention snapping to him immediately.
"Well I know I have to get going, gotta meet Hayden."
Ilya's face fell into a pout.
"Make him wait, I will drop you off with coffee." Ilya walked over to him, his hands settling on his hips.
It was something Shane would have been weary of when he first signed with Ottawa, old hurts manifesting in way he hadn't thought about until he was experiencing them while wishing he could just fucking relax for once. Now though, he melted into the touch, not a care if the others saw or not. They loved them, the gentle teasing eased Shane more than he'd admit, especially when he'd first met them.
"Can't, its for a brand deal, he's gotta make a good first impression. I won't make him late. And weren't you going to watch tape with Wiebe and Bood today anyway?"
Ilya sighed, his hands rubbing gentle circles where they rested on Shane's sides.
"Yes, and with Harris and Barrett."
Shane raised a brow.
"Why them?"
"Harris want's to talk about social media stuff, mic'd games."
"And Troy?"
Ilya shrugged, "Harris is there, he is bored maybe?"
Shane just laughed.
"Hmm, and how'd Harris wrangle you into staying after tape for that?"
Ilya gasped, affronted.
"мои жизнь, I am a nice man, Canada has changed me, Harris asked so of course I will stay."
Shane huffed, not convinced for a second, and it seemed he wasn't the only one as laughs rang out around the room. Ilya looked more offended at each one.
"None of you have faith in me. I can not believe this, my own team, my own husband thinks that I-"
"Will Chiron be there?" Shane cut him off, a small smile he tried to hide playing at his lips.
Ilya fell silent, a small smirk curling his mouth.
"He is just so pettable, Shane, and I have not seen Anya in hours." He drew out the word, the reality of it clearly devastating.
"End of the world really." Shane drawled.
"Exactly, see I knew you'd understand, мои любимый, you always do."
His voice dropping a little towards the end, a softer lilt making its appearance.
Shane smiled gently and leaned up, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, one of Ilya's hand's coming up to cup his jaw, his fingers playing with his hair as the other wrapped around his waist.
Another chorus of groans filled the room as they parted.
"You two are sweet I'm gonna be sick." Wyatt muttered.
"Yes, be jealous, Hazy."
Wyatt flipped him off.
Shane squeezed Ilya's hand as he stepped back.
"I really do have to go, I love you, I'll see you in a few hours."
Ilya nodded, though the small frown was still present.
"Fine, I will get Pike for this later. I love you."
Shane was laughing as he walked out, heading for the car.
~
Shane met Hayden outside, it wasn't a huge building. Only two floors to be exact, but it had a lot of meeting rooms and employed a decent number of people, he'd been here dozens of times.
Not all for the same brand but it was a popular meeting place when a brands home base wasn't Ottawa. It was professional, kept things local, and was generally easy to get to, only twenty minutes from the rink.
"Hey, man, long time no see" Hayden said, pulling him into a tight hug.
"We saw each other last week, Hayds."
"And? Can't miss my best bud?"
Shane rolled his eyes, a small laugh bubbling in his chest.
"You'll be sick of me soon enough now that we're on the same team, I promise."
A wide grin split across his face as they began to walk inside.
"Impossible, man."
They walked up to the front desk, an older plump woman wearing a lilac sweater and glasses sat typing diligently on her computer, Teresa. Shane smiled, he loved when she was here, she was always so nice. Even after the disaster of their 'coming out' she never looked at him different, only gave him a soft smile and kind words, assuring him that he and Ilya had a place here no matter what.
"Hi, Teresa."
She glanced up, and a genuine smile stole across her lips.
"Shane, how are you?" She asked excitedly.
"I'm good, you?"
She shrugged, smile never moving for a second.
"Can't complain, and who have you brought today, young man? Not your handsome husband evidently."
Shane laughed and Hayden scowled.
"No, he's with the team, this is my best friend, Hayden, we're here for a meeting with Mr.Sanders."
Teresa turned back to her computer, her fingers flying across the keys.
"Ah, yes, here you two are. You can head up to meeting room C, he'll be with you in a bit, finishing up with a client."
"Perfect, thank you, Teresa."
"Pleasures all mine dear, it was nice to meet you Hayden."
Hayden nodded politely, "It was nice to meet you too."
With that, they turned and Shane guided Hayden down the hall, up the stairs and to the far back of the building. Meeting room C was his preferred meeting place. Not that Mr. Sanders knew that but he had a feeling he liked that room too, it was less harshly lit, the bulbs a little older and quieter. It was away from all the hustle and bustle of the front of the building while still affording the same privacy they needed.
They both took a seat on one side of the table as they waited for Mr.Sanders, they still had about fifteen minutes before the meeting officially began but Shane liked to be early. Hayden, while usually on time, was not as big of a stickler about it. For this though, he indulged Shane. Shane had feeling it had more to do with nerves than anything else though.
Hayden didn't need this meeting to feel settled in Ottawa but it certainly wouldn't hurt, he probably knew as much as well. Thus, he didn't kick up a fuss when Shane told him to meet him there well before they actually needed to be in the building.
"Anything I need to know about this guy beforehand? He like jokes or is he more serious?"
Shane shrugged, he typically wasn't the guy to ask when it came to socializing nonsense. He and Mr.Sanders got along well enough and Shane had never really been anything but straight forward and goal-oriented to him so he figured that was a good enough way to go about it.
"He's fine, not too harsh, knows how to make fair contracts. This is just a preliminary meeting Hayd's, they just wanna meet you and talk for a bit about how you want to participate in and help further their brand. Like what you will and won't be willing to do, and they want you even if you don't want to do all the shit I do. They just want more hockey talent in their content and they'd prefer ones that aren't raging homophobes."
Something that was getting better within the league but left a lot to be desired as of yet. He knew that this brand wouldn't want that kind of heat on them though, which was why Hayden was a safe bet.
Hayden blew out a breath.
"Alright, I can do that. People love me." He gave Shane a wide smile, as if trying to convince him of that.
"Yes, Hayden," he paused, brows furrowed in thought "at least, Jackie does anyway."
"Fuck off"
They waited another few minutes before Hayden sighed again.
"Think I can use the bathroom before we get started? I was so busy trying to be here a million years early that I didn't get the chance."
Shane waved him off.
"Yeah, yeah, head back down the hall and downstairs, should be by the front, Teresa can point you to it if you can't find it. Make it quick though."
Hayden laughed and left the room.
It couldn't have been more than five minutes since Hayden left that a thunderous
Bang
echoed through the building.
Shane was on his feet in an instant, concern and confusion warring with each other as he tried to parse out if he had actually heard that or if his mind was fucking with him for some reason.
They he heard something else, a scream as another sound shook the floor beneath him.
"Fuck," he pulled out his phone, looking for a call or text from Hayden but finding nothing as he walked for the door.
More sounds floated up from the first floor and Shane sped up, jogging a bit as he went towards the only staircase towards the front of the building.
His phone went off.
He quickly pulled it from his pocket, Hayden's name flashing on the screen, he hit answer and put it to his ear.
"Hayden, what the fuck was that? Are you okay? What's going on?"
The words spilled out of him as he neared the staircase.
"Shane you need to get down here right fucking now."
"Yeah, no shit, what's going on though?"
"Doesn't matter, get your ass down here."
Shane begged to fucking differ but he just huffed out an agreement, Hayden sounded stressed and Shane wasn't a fan of that when he wasn't sure what was happening. Even worse, Shane tried to shove the thought down, but Hayden sounded scared.
"I'm by the stairs I'll be down in a-"
Screaming and yelling barrelled down the line as another bang, no, wait, that sounded like an explosion. What the fuck.
"Hayden?"
He heard him cursing over the phone but it wasn't really his first priority, not as he smelled smoke beginning to fill the hall around him. Other people poured out of meeting rooms, all scrambling towards the stairs, some bumping into him in their haste to get out.
"Shane, Shane buddy? Oh god, oh my fucking god. Shane!"
Shane's attention snapped back to the phone as Hayden's panicked voice made it's was through the speaker.
"I'm here, I'm here, why is there smoke?"
"Thank god, I don't fucki- there's a fire. Shane a car smashed into the building and caught in fire and another one ricocheted off it and didn't exactly help shit. Get down here."
Fuck, Shane sucked in a breath, coughing as he smoke filled his lungs. This was why he told Ilya not to smoke.
Ilya.
Shit, he needed to call him.
"Hayden are you out?"
He headed for the stairs making his way down.
"Not by fucking choice, Shane, Teresa and some other guys hauled me out, get down the fucking stairs, man."
"Yeah working on it."
A gasp hit his ears and he glanced up, a man on the stairs in front of him skidding to a stop. Flames were licking up the staircase. The only staircase in the building. Fuck.
Shane turned back, they could probably smash one of the windows out, two story jump but better than an on fire staircase, he could already hear sirens down the line. It would fine, fucking fine. He pointedly did not think about the way these old buildings went up so fast. He took another breath, trying to steady his breathing but it hitched on the way up, a coughing fit shaking his chest.
"Shane,"
Oh Hayden sounded so fucking worried.
The man from before shoved his way past him, a few others following, frantically searching for a way out as the air filled with smoke around them.
"Fine, I'm fine." He choked out once he could finally breathe, if a bit tightly.
"Shane, where are you?"
"Stairs are blocked, fire. Trying to find a window."
"God fucking, okay, okay. That's fine, you hear the firefighters? They're already here, you're gonna be fine, okay?"
Shane didn't really know who Hayden was trying to convince but he hummed an acknowledgement as he followed the crowd towards a room he knew had larger windows than most of them.
He could vaguely hear Hayden speaking to somebody on the other side but Shane couldn't really focus on that. His chest felt tight, his vision tunneled in a way he knew meant he was on the brink of a panic attack but he tried to hold it together. He needed to hold it together.
"Why's it not fucking breaking?" A voice carried through the air to him.
The man from before was clearly panicked at he smashed a computer monitor into the glass window over and over again. Nothing was breaking.
No.
Shane glanced around the room, the needed something sharper or heavier or something- just fucking something, anything that could break that damn glass.
"They redid the windows last month, remember? Doing a bunch of upgrades and shit."
A woman spoke, her hands shaking as she tried to appear unbothered.
"For this old building?"
"I don't know, John, trying to make it more presentable or something. It doesn't really matter though if it stops us from getting out. Oh my god, we're going to die here."
"No we aren't, calm down."
Another voice spoke, this time a man, probably younger than Shane himself, with sandy blonde hair and a pale complexion, his eyes were darting around the room, fear ingrained in every line of his face even as he spoke calmly.
They were the only other three on this floor, Shane realized, it was him and them. With no way out.
"Shane!" He glanced back at his phone.
"What?"
"Where are you? Second floor, but what room?"
Shane glanced around, fuck, the air was getting thicker, harder to see through and he wasn't sure if it was his anxiety but he swore he could feel the heat pulsing around them, like they were slow cooking in their own coffin.
He shuddered, not the time to think about that. He had to get back. For Ilya, for his parents, for Hayden, for Anya, for the team. He just had to, there was no other possibility.
To do that, he needed to answer Hayden.
"Um,-" He coughed, was it getting harder to breathe? His chest felt so tight. "Meeting room B, I think? Kind of the middle but has access to windows, but they're-"
"He said meeting room B, Teresa where is that on the outside?"
More muffled talking from Hayden's end of it.
"Good, windows are good. You got something to break em, right?"
"They're trying, other people, they're strong windows, Hayds."
He didn't like how he could feel resignation rising in his chest, he glanced around the room, looking for anything they could use to smash them apart but anything that could used had already been tried. The others were desperately banging on the window now, throwing things into them.
"That's okay, hey breathe, buddy. Shane, you with me? They're searching the building right now, I swear. They're coming up to you guys, there are some people trapped on the first floor too but they are teams, there are people on their way to you alright? Just stay with me, man. Stay with me, please, Shane."
The fire was getting closer, he could feel the oppressive heat of it making it's way slowly but somehow how also too quickly. God, he needed to call Ilya, needed to talk to him. If this was- If he wasn't able to-
This was going to fucking break him.
Oh god, Shane was going to break him.
He felt tears welling up and he couldn't even find it in himself to be ashamed, the others were crying, the sobs became background noise some time ago and only furthered that as the banging came to a close, exhaustion pulling at their bodies the same way it did at Shane's. As his chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself in a different way than his panic attacks did. In a way that was real, a way that would tear him from Ilya, kicking and screaming.
He couldn't leave Ilya, he couldn't. They'd only had two years in the light, two years in front of the world, together.
Shane set his phone down just for a minute, grabbing the nearest metal object, some of the people stepped back, watching him with hopeless expressions as he swung as hard as he could, the metal corner of the desk ornament angled to glass.
It sent a shock through his hands, lancing up his arms in a painful strike.
The glass barely chipped.
Fuck.
Ilya.
Oh Ilya.
He grabbed his phone, Hayden's voice yelling down the line at him, screams still rang out below them, the first having its own impending type of beat, the burning seemed to shout as it continued down the hall towards them.
The others were on their phones as well. Likely calling loved ones, same as Shane was.
"Hayden."
The yelling paused.
"Shane, god stop doing that. Just a little longer buddy, I promise."
"Hayden, have you talk to Ilya?"
His voice was flat, his hope dwindling.
"Ily- No, Shane I'm with you. You're gonna be fine, man."
"Hayden, I need to call Ilya. I don't think-" a sob choked his resolve before he could stop it, he was trying not to scare Hayden but he had a feeling that ship had sailed.
"No, No, Shane they're coming to you right now."
"I need to tell him I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, I tried to get out, I don't know how, there isn't- the windows wont- Hayden he's going to break. I'm gonna break him. I'm gonna leave him and he's not gonna- Hayden please,"
"Shane, breathe. I need you to breathe."
But that was getting harder for so many reasons.
He felt distraught, he felt wrong, innate wrongness was settling into his bones and making a home and he didn't know how to ask it to leave.
His back slowly slid down the wall. It was so hot. His head hurt, he couldn't really see anymore, why couldn't he see?
"I love him so much, Hayd's. I've never loved anyone like I love him. I need him, Hayden. I need him, I don't- I can't do it without him and he's- I'm leaving him, he's gonna hate me. Tell him I didn't want to Hayd's please tell him, I don't want to go. I want him. I need him so much-"
"Shane please, you're gonna be okay. You'll tell him yourself, alright?"
Hayden was crying, he'd made Hayden cry, oh he was horrible.
Fucking horrible and now he's leaving Ilya.
A sob tore out of him.
"Keep him safe, Hayd's, I can't if I'm not here. Please, please Hayden. I know you're not close but I need him safe, Hayden please."
"Okay, okay Shane I got him. I got him buddy, but you'll be fine so don't worry about it okay. It's gonna be fine."
But it wasn't, it really wasn't.
He had to text him, tell him he was sorry.
He brought the phone from his ear, his hands shaking so bad he was misspelling things. He wanted it perfect for him, he deserved perfect. But Shane thought maybe he could have less than just this once.
To: My love
Ilya
Im so sory
Imm sorry Ilyusha
I tried to get ot I did, its so hot.
I love you. So fuckint much.
It's gonn be okay, my love, I need you saf okay?
I love you
"Shane stay with me, stay with me buddy, where'd you go? Shane come on, please come on."
"m'fine Hayden."
"Oh god, second floor please, meeting room B, please please he's my best friend I need you to get him please."
Hayden was begging someone, but Shane couldn't help. He could barely keep his eyes open.
An indeterminate amount of time passed, Shane in an out of consciousness.
"Shane, they're here. See they're here, just talk to me please."
He heard yelling again and he squeezed his eyes shut.
A moment later, another Bang tore the world asunder.
Shane lost track of his phone after that.
~
Ilya sat, bored out of his mind as Harris explained the new social media initiative, the T.V a low buzz in the background. Okay, he wasn't that bored but it was enough for him to want to leave.
He had much more important matters to attend to. Like a beautiful husband and dog daughter to cuddle with, and a show that simply wasn't going to watch itself that his Shane pretended not to be interested in but clearly loved.
That, or he thought Ilya's commentary was funny, and he'd never begrudge his солнышко of that. It wasn't his fault the Anthony was being stupid when he clearly liked Kate, they were the best couple so far in Ilya's humble opinion and he had a feeling Shane agreed even if he didn't say it.
"Roz, almost done I swear. Here look, Chiron," Chiron jumped out of Barrett's lap and Bood and Ilya both laughed at the indignation Troy's face at the act.
It worked though, Chiron let Ilya pet gently through his fur and Ilya listened intently as Harris outlined the set up for this years Pride Night.
Ilya kind of loved Pride Nights with the Centaurs, last years was amazing. So much support from fans and other teams alike and his husband by his side the whole time letting him hold him and love him for the world to see. He was excited to see what this years Pride night would be like. He was sure just as magical as the year before if not more, because with Shane everything was better.
He nodded along as Harris explained some of the logistics regarding the posting schedule to get the fans hyped up this year, Ilya just wished the plan involved more kissing Shane and less whatever excited gestures Harris was doing while explaining a complicated plan only he understood.
Troy watched him fondly and it only made Ilya want to be home even more, well that and to tease Barrett a little bit later. For all the ways Ilya was whipped to shit and happy about it, so were these two, just in a quieter way.
"Holy shit," Bood spoke from beside him.
Harris and Ilya turned toward him, confused, Troy doing the same. Even Chiron tilted his head in question.
"Share with the class, Bood?" Ilya spoke, amused.
"Look at the fucking news," Something about Bood's voice made Ilya's nerves light up but he tried to ignore it as he turned his gaze toward the small T.V in the corner, Troy and Harris doing the same.
On screen a building was engulfed in flames.
Ilya winced, that didn't look good.
"Holy shit is right." He nodded. Troy made a humming sound of agreement, Harris reached over, grabbing the remote to turn the volume up.
"Where is that?" Troy asked carefully.
Ilya tried to read the screen, the images were changing so quickly, new angles every few seconds.
The reporter on scene began speaking.
"That's right Tom, a car seems to have crashed into the downtown Ottawa business center, it lit up in seconds. But the tragedy isn't over yet, another car spinning out and crashing into the first one-"
The words faded from Ilya's ears.
Ottawa Business Center
"Wait, isn't that where Shane and Hayden-"
Ilya was out of the room before he could finish speaking, he heard footsteps racing after him but he paid them no mind.
Ottawa Business Center
Ottawa Business Center
Ottawa Business Center
It spun through his head over and over again as he raced to the parking lot, he'd never moved faster in his life.
Fuck
Shane had the car.
Shane had the car and he was going to come back and pick Ilya up after and now he was- he-.
"Ilya, Ilya come on my car-"
Bood was panting beside him and they tore off toward his car, wrenching the passenger door open as Bood slammed into the drivers seat, he vaguely registered Troy and Harris falling into the back but he was too in his head to think about that right now.
His breath was choppy as Bood peeled out of the parking lot, going well over the speed limit and yet it still wasn't fast enough for Ilya.
"Maybe it's not that building, maybe its just one near by. Breathe Ilya, I'm sure he's okay."
But Ilya couldn't really hear them, his heart was thumping too loud in his chest. His mind rapidly swinging from past to present.
A limp hand, too cold skin, earth rending silence, his world falling apart once at twelve and being stitched back together at eighteen by a boring Canadian with beautiful freckles and a weak backhand.
Shane
His Shane
His Shane who he'd seen almost an hour ago and now he might never see again.
A sob tore through his chest and he squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to hold it together.
He's fine, it's like Harris said, different building.
They were nearing downtown, traffic slightly heavier probably due to the very thing that was tearing Ilya's entire world apart.
"Ilya, breathe, did he text you? Maybe he's out, maybe its a different place. Breathe, Rozy."
Troy was speaking softly from the backseat but Ilya could hear the tremor in his voice, the barely hidden fear he felt that he tried to hide even as it poured from Ilya in a steady stream of misery.
Text. Troy had said a text. Fucking of course, maybe that was all he needed to see.
He yanked his phone from his pocket, relief hitting him like a truck when he realized he had a few from Shane.
Probably telling him he was fine and to take a breath and that he'd come get him soon.
He opened their thread.
And promptly felt the air leave his lungs.
Ilya
Im so sory
No no please no, not again please.
Imm sorry Ilyusha
A sob forced its way past his control. Please.
I tried to get ot I did, its so hot.
His Shanya, oh god no
I love you. So fuckint much.
It's gonn be okay, my love, I need you saf okay?
As if Ilya could be anything without him
I love you
The car began to roll to a stop a couple hundred feet from the flames. Ilya threw himself from the car without a second thought.
Shane was in there.
Nothing else mattered.
He heard some scattered shouts ring out behind him but none of it stopped him as he pushed through the throng of people, some crying, some just watching in utter horror at the flames slowly but surely consumed the building that held his heart.
His heart, his mind, his soul, his very being.
All of it, wrapped up and held tightly in a strong and capable chest. One that was now probably struggling to get a breath in, from both panic and smoke.
It was okay though, because Ilya was going to go get him. He just had to find him and it'd all be okay, when he found him he was never going to let him go again. He was going to keep him, warm, happy, and safe by his side till they both left together.
He truly was so close, his body just breaching the edge of the crowd when strong arms locked tightly around him.
A loud, guttural cry tore through his chest and scraped out of his throat. Raw and full of anger and terror. They didn't understand. He needs him.
He just had to find him, that was all. They just had to let him go so he could go find him and everything would be okay again.
Ilya wasn't sure when his thoughts began this kind of desperate spiral, at this point he didn't frankly care if this level of devotion was unhealthy or not. It didn't fucking matter because Shane was not here.
He fought against the hold, using all the strength and power that was afforded to him from daily workouts and a life of pushing his body as hard as he physically could day in and day out.
Every time he managed an inch a new set of arms would encase him, immobilize him again. He was distantly aware he was speaking, trying to reason with them he thought.
"Пожалуйста, please, I just need to get to him. Please, he's everything. Everything. мои жизнь. Let me go, I need him"
Over and over again, the words poured from his mouth. He also registered another voice, different from his own but no less desperate, trying to comfort him or maybe explain to him the situation, but he already knew. His home was in what was left of that building and they weren't letting him go.
"Ilya, I know, man, I know,"
He did not, there was no way he could possibly know and Ilya was sure of it.
"They're gonna find him, Roz." Another voice now, maybe Troy? Harris? Did it matter?
"Come on Ilya, you gotta work with me here, you gotta let them do their job. You know if it was Cassie you wouldn't let me go either."
Ilya did not care. I was not Cassie.
It was Shane.
His beautiful, perfect Shane, the light in the darkness, the anchor in the storm, his husband. And he was in that fucking building.
"And-oh thank god, Pike!"
That got through, Pike was with Shane, he would know where he was, where Ilya could find him. His head snapped towards where Bood was looking and watched as Hayden's eyes widened and he broke into a sprint to reach them.
"Woah, slow down man, you're alright? You okay? Take a breath bud." Bood, he thinks.
"Seriously, Hayden, just breathe." Harris.
But Ilya could not find the same sympathy to extend, not as his eyes darted around the man and saw no Shane.
"Where?" He rasped, his voice tired from pleading, but he'd do it again, he'd do it until his voice gave out if it meant Shane was in his arms again.
Hayden met his eyes then, red-rimmed and blood-shot, but still he didn't speak to them, instead he looked back at his phone, voice high and frantic as he spoke.
"Shane, they're here. See they're here, just talk to me please."
Ilya went to snatch the phone from his hand, his only fucking tether to his heart existed in that phone.
A Bang shook the ground.
Ilya watched, soul in tatters, as the flames burst out higher and even less controlled.
A high noise tore from Pike's throat.
"No no no no, Shane? Shane come on, come on, pick up the phone man, you're so close please. Please."
The last one coming out broken beyond repair and Ilya watched as he phone went dark, the connection severed.
"Whatever went off just happened right beneath where he was."
And with those words, Ilya's strings were cut.
His body gave way, Bood cursed above him as he sank.
"Ilya come on, man. That doesn't mean he's gone, doesn't mean anything okay?"
But he didn't get it.
Hayden was talking in the past tense, and Ilya fucking hated the english language with all his heart but he knew what that meant. What Hayden was already certain of. He could hear it in the way his voice shook and crack, see it in the desolation that clouded his gaze. Was sure it reflected his own in some ways.
"Ilya?" His arms were lowered gently, as if that mattered now. "Ilya, come on, look at me. You're scaring us."
He was scaring them?
Him?
Not the flames covering the last pieces of his soul?
Not the way people were sobbing and terrified as their loved ones exited the flaming carcass?
Not the way none of those people escaping were Shane?
The world faded in and out in pieces after that.
Something in his mind fracturing and turning away from the reality of the day, the stone cold truth that lay before him that he would never accept. Could never accept. Because a reality that didn't have Shane, was not a reality that had Ilya. A place that didn't have Shane, was not a place that would ever even catch a glimpse of Ilya Rozanov.
He was present as he heard the three he had come with and Pike discuss what to do, how to proceed. As if they'd ever get him to leave this place. Leave Shane.
He faded as he pictured his body slowly rotting here, but that was okay because he'd have Shane. He'd be with him, no matter what.
He was present when what was supposed to be a kind and soothing medic was brought over to him, seemingly checking him for injuries. Like he was the one who needed it somehow. She was not soothing, only one person could do that most days anyway and only one person would get that from him today of all days and that person was not here.
He vaugley registered her leaving, citing something like shock, saying something about an urgent care or hospital.
He'd be going nowhere without Shane.
He drifted again as more people flowed from the building, firefighters bringing out survivor after survivor. Not one of them possessed those breath-taking eyes or beautiful freckles that made his world stop spinning in the best of ways.
~
Bood had no idea what to fucking do.
Ilya had gone essentially catatonic about ten minutes ago. The fight leaving his body as Pike declared what they'd all feared.
But Bood wasn't done hoping, wasn't done demanding the universe fix it's fucking mistake. Because Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander had been through too damn much to let this be how it ended. It was a sick joke and he wasn't going to take it lying down, well metaphorically. Having a two-hundred pound dead weight on you wasn't exactly easy. It was even worse when it was one of your best friends who's body was already shutting his mind down from the never-ending grief that would happen if his husband didn't get out here right fucking now.
It was doubly worse when said husband is another one of your best friends.
Bood let the tears fall as he held Ilya tightly to him, Troy and Harris were sobbing as they held each other, the survivors making their way out began to slow until the trickle was all but stopped. Still no Shane in sight.
Bood refused to believe it.
"Excuse me, hey," a firefighter turned toward him, his colleagues taking over as they doused the flames still roaring in front of them. "There's someone in there still, he's on the second floor, towards the middle. Please, you gotta get him."
The fireman watched him, sadness stealing across his features.
"We're doing everything we can to get people out, I promise, but we have to think of our safety too. The structural integrity of that building is not sound. It's going to collapse in on itself soon, my guys are making their way out."
Bood nodded, tears running down his cheeks rapidly.
"I get it, I do, I really do believe me. But please just look one more time? This is his husband," he gestured to the near coma-tose Ilya in his lap. "They deserve more time. More time than they've had."
The firefighter gave him a small smile, sad and pained.
"I really wish I could tell you we'll get him but chances are that if he's not out in the next thirty seconds, he's not gonna be out till we go through the rubble. I'm so sorry, for you, for his husband. If there was more I could do, I would."
The bluntness of the delivery was both welcome and brutal. Bood sucked in a harsh breath, his arms tightening around Ilya as he felt him start to shake. Whether it was the shock or he had tuned in just long enough to hear the worst sentence of his life was unclear.
"There's still time, Roz, still time."
It felt hollow to his own ears.
He heard the cracks as the place began to fall in on itself. Ones he'd hear in his nightmares, ones he's sure Ilya will never get out of his mind.
As they all sat, watching their last shred of hope collapse Bood wondered if they were truly going to have to endure this, if they were truly going to have to say good bye to Shane Hollander. And, a sick but real part of his brain spoke, and to Ilya Rozanov. He didn't know everything about Ilya but he knew wit certainty that there was one thing he would never do.
And that was exist in a world without Shane Hollander.
Dust and flames rose up from the ground, the firefighters scrambling to contain it and the crowd.
And through the smoke, Bood saw that shred of hope crawl through the dirt out to the other side.
~
"Holy fuck, Bood-"
"I see em, oh my fucking-"
"What?"
"What do you-is that?"
"Ilya" a knock to his shoulder was a startling thing after the quiet torture his brain had been keeping him locked in.
"Ilya, look, look he's okay, I'm serious. They're bring him out, he's standing. He's fucking standing. Ilya he's okay, he's alive."
Bood moved around to face him, his eyes locking on what Ilya was sure was a void of pure, unabashed, emptiness.
"Shane is alive, Ilya."
And those four words shook him from his silent torture chamber, his head whipped around. Eyes darting across people and things, across rubble and flame until-
The set of those shoulders, that fixed and tense jaw, that rigid way he held himself when he was stressed.
He'd know him with his eyes closed.
A high keening whine tore through his chest and the Centaurs flinched.
He was up not a second later, his legs carrying him before his mind had any time to think.
His heart thumped in his chest, Shane
Shane
Shane
Shane
Shane's eyes met his, frantic in their search as Ilya's had been, he marched forward, pain evident in his steps as the firefighter supports him.
Ilya closed the distance, their bodies colliding in a tangle of arms and legs, desperation clouding every movement, Ilya's hands were running quickly across every inch of his love. Searching and scouring his body for wounds while being as gentle as he could. Shane was meant to be treasured, cherished, Ilya would not be harsh with him even to make sure he was okay.
He couldn't even be certain he was real right now.
He was somewhat area of the string of words falling from his lips, a mix of Russian and English he couldn't begin to unravel, his eyes steadily dripping as his words broke, interspersed with sobs.
"Shane, Shane, мои любимый," he spoke, his hands coming up to cradle his face ever so gently. "Please, please, you are alright yes? I nee-" a sob broke through his speech, "I need you, please, tell me yes? You are okay. Shane, sweetheart-"
His breath was heaving in and out, his eyes flitting over him rapidly, his hands coming down to brush over Shane's chest, his shoulders, he snaked them around his waist. An almost mirror image of this morning and yet so twisted and mangled beyond recognition, an act born of necessity and a craving so sharp it could not be ignored.
His hands continued their perusal, stopping to press and rub gently at Shane's sides as he swept over him.
"Shh, shh, любиымй, I have you. Is okay, everything is okay. I will not let anything happen. Shh, breathe for me, sweetheart."
Because Shane was shaking, small trembles shuddering through him.
"Ilya"
"I'm here, I'm here, I have you. Never letting you go. Settle, любиымй. Easy for me."
"Ilya"
Ilya reached up, his hand right hand coming to sift through his hair softly, tenderly. His mouth still running even as he registered the faint tremors that were making his hands unsteady, adrenaline still coursing through him.
He'd yet to find any obvious injuries but Shane's breathing was still harsh, smoke? Panic? Something else? Ilya needed a medic, he needed somebody to fix this.
"Ilya, look at me, sweetheart."
Ilya's attention snapped cleanly onto Shane's eyes, the pain in them insurmountable. It made a pained noise crawl up his throat, his face crumpling unconsciously as his other hand came to cradle his jaw. He ran his thumb gently over his cheekbones, noting distantly the soot staining his beautiful face. Ilya needed a warm rag, his Shane would hate having something on his face.
"Ilya," Shane's hands went to hook lightly around Ilya's wrists. He wanted him to squeeze, to remind him that Shane was here not still in that building. "I'm okay, I'm alive. We're okay. Breathe, Illyusha."
Ilya was nodding before he finished speaking, whatever he wanted. Ilya could do it, he would do it, he didn't care.
At some point, the firefighter had shifted away, his attention falling to the rest of the scene. Ilya would get his information later, repay him somehow for bringing him his life back. Shane was standing on his own though Ilya could tell he was weak. It only made that thing in his chest whine louder.
"Shane?"
Shane's eyes drifted to a space over Ilya's shoulder even as his thumbs drew soothing circles into Ilya's wrists.
"Shane, oh fuck man," he could feel them all closing in on them and Ilya tensed further, letting his hands fall to Shane's waist and pulling him closer, tucking him into the shield of Ilya's body. Too many people. Normally, not something Ilya minded. But Shane did, and he was vulnerable and hurt and Ilya had almost lost him.
Shane's hands came up, his arms wrapping securely around Ilya's neck, his body relaxing into Ilya's hold as it always did.
"Breathe, baby, breathe." He felt more than heard the words as a soft kiss was pressed to his throat.
"I'm okay, Hayd's." He spoke, his voice louder now, projecting for the others to hear.
He wasn't okay. He fucking wasn't. He still trembled in Ilya's grip, his body swaying into his as the adrenaline poured out of him.
"Shane, I was so fucking scared, man. I thought, thought that-" Pikes voice choked off and Ilya went still.
They all thought.
"Ilya"
Shane whispered, his hand coming up to curl into Ilya's hair, scratching lighrlt at his scalp in a way that usually calmed him. He was wound too tight right now though. The notion at having almost been without this in his world was staggering.
"He needs medic." Ilya's voice was scraped and raw, pulled out of him in a way he hadn't heard from himself before.
He didn't wait to see if the others agreed, only began nudging Shane in the direction of the ambulances on stand-by.
"Need to get you checked, Shanya, that's all."
And Shane nodded, allowing himself to be guided toward the medics. Something about is made unease settle in Ilya's gut but he pushed it down in favor of lowering Shane carefully onto the back of one of the ambulances near a medic that he was mostly sure was the same one that had helped him before. He'd get her something too.
She smiled softly at them, an emotion almost like relief flickering across her face as she realized who they were, that he'd found his husband not burned to a crisp.
Ilya shook his head harshly, he couldn't picture that, he'd be fucking sick.
"Would you like to sit with him, maybe hold him while I do a preliminary exam?" She asked Ilya, and then "Would that be alright with you?" directed towards
He wanted nothing more than to hold him, had wanted nothing more than to feel him warm, solid, and safe in his arms since the moment he'd left the locker room. It was all he wanted most hours of the day on a normal day. Today had been anything but normal.
Still, he waited for Shane's nod. Sometimes touch could be overwhelming for him and though he had seemed okay with it a minute ago that didn't mean it'd stay that way, especially when a stranger would also be touching him, looking him over.
But Shane nodded without hesitation, his eyes darting up to lock on Ilya's, a pleading expression stealing across his face. As if he'd ever need to plead with Ilya for anything.
Ilya pulled himself into the ambulance, his legs coming down on either side of Shane, his arms swiftly wrapping underneath his arms and settling on his waist. He drew Shane back in toward his chest until he felt him begin to relax back into the hold. Some of the tension leaking out of his frame and a heavy sigh pushing his past his lips.
Ilya perched his chin on his shoulder, his gaze meeting the medics, eyes sharp and focused. He wasn't trying to menace her but his message was clear, he was watching every fucking move even if she had been nothing but kind.
She nodded once, a determined edge sharpening her features as she moved with precision, a practiced, caring smile easing into place.
"Hello, my name's Marissa. I met your husband earlier, I just want to run a quick check to make sure nothings an immediate concern. Is that alright with you.."
She trailed off. Prompting, Ilya thought, maybe checking for a concussion.
"Shane. Shane Hollander, yeah that's fine."
She smiled gently, "Shane then, I'm gonna start with a few questions. Do you know where you are?"
"Ottawa Business Center," he winced slightly and Ilya tightened his hold, "Or what's left of it I guess." He laughed but there was no humor in it.
She nodded sympathetically, "Do you know what happened? It's okay if you don't, a lot has occurred."
Ilya almost laughed, that was the understatement of the fucking year.
"Car crash I think," Shane took a breath, his shoulders coming down just a hare more as he pressed himself back into the steady line of Ilya's chest. The safest place he could be. "Hit the building and exploded?"
Marissa nodded, "Big wreck, lit everything up unfortunately."
"Is everyone okay?" Ilya pressed a soft kiss to the crook of his neck, comforting to them both.
"We're still assessing everything. Let's just focus on you for now."
Redirecting, good, his sweet Shane as always so worried about everyone else he didn't remember to take care of himself. Ilya's mind flashed back to his texts, one's he wouldn't be able to forget for as long he lived. Even when he was sure he was going to die, he tried to apologize, tried to reassure Ilya when he was the one quite literally trapped in a burning building.
His fingers rubbed soothing patterns into Shane's hips where his hands rested and Shane's came down to hold them. Brushing his own shapes over Ilya's knuckles.
"How's your chest feeling? Still a little tight?"
Shane nodded, "Felt really hard to breathe in there, bit better now."
Marissa wrote something down, "Don't worry, that's quite common in these situations. They'll probably have you on oxygen later on if it still feels hard to breathe."
She moved forward a bit, "Can you take as a deep a breath as you can for me?"
Ilya loosened his hold a bit but Shane's hand tightened on his, a sound vibrating from his chest even as Ilya saw him fight to conceal it.
"Shh, солнышко, I'm here. Just breathe for her, okay?"
Shane nodded, and Marissa smiled gently as he took in a breath, it hitched a bit halfway through he bent forward coughing. Ilya went with him, his hand coming up to rub his back.
"I have you, you're okay, you're okay."
When he recovered, he leant back into Ilya, seemingly spent from the energy he expended.
"Also common, did that feel painful or more just annoying?"
"Kinda sharp" he turned his head slightly, nose brushing Ilya's throat.
Shane typically wasn't this affectionate in public settings but Ilya had a feeling he just needed it right now too much to care about anyone else around them. Not that Ilya had an issue with it, he would tuck Shane into his side whenever he could if allowed, Shane was just more reserved, though less so than previous years.
"Alright, did you get any burns that you're aware of? Or any other injuries?"
Shane paused for a moment and Ilya held his breath, he noticed the others off to the side of ambulance, their eyes fixed between Shane and their phones. Probably updating their respective wives and maybe teammates. Ilya wasn't going to pay the team any mind until he had to. But… Yuna, David. Fuck, Ilya had to call them. Tell them. They were probably losing it worse than Ilya if they'd seen the news.
Shane help his arm out and his head cleared for a moment, Marissa checking with Shane before she took it in his hands and peeled back his sleeve, hissing slightly as the fabric pulled at his skin.
His skin was bright red and partially blistered, second degree maybe. Ilya breathed harshly, his eyes filling again as he tried to blink back the emotion.
"Got you good there."
"Didn't remember till you asked, too much going on I think."
Marissa nodded as if she'd heard that before. She probably had if Ilya thought about it but he was too focused on the way Shane's skin looked raw and angry, on the way he voice had taken on a more distant quality than Ilya liked. The one he wore when he was retreating back into his mind a bit.
As much as he hated when that happened, he also knew that this was a beyond stressful situation for them all. If Shane need to escape a bit to make it through and he trusted Ilya to guide him then that's what they would do. Ilya would keep him safe, even if his mind pulled him in to protect him.
"I'm going to wrap this here and they'll have another look at it at the hospital, alright?"
Shane gave the barest hint of a nod and Marissa took it in stride, seeming to realize Shane had run out of steam for the most part. Ilya pulled him tighter to his chest, his heading raising to press a soft kiss to his head as Marissa began to gently clean and apply cream to the area. Shane's face flickered every one in a while when she went over a more sensitive area but stayed more or less indifferent otherwise.
When she was done she put her supplies away.
"Anything else you can think of right now, Shane?" She asked him but her eyes met Ilya's, sensing the dissociative state Shane had fallen into.
"Shanya," Ilya pressed a kiss to his temple, "Are you hurt anywhere else? I know it's hard to be here right now, just a little longer любиымй."
"Don't think so."
Not the answer Ilya was hoping for but he knew but he knew better than to push right now.
"Okay, okay sweetheart, I have you. If you need to be somewhere else right now, I have you."
Shane nodded distractedly, his eyes already unfocusing a bit in that deeply unsettling way Ilya hated. He hated when Shane's mind felt the need to do this, hated being pulled away from him in this way, but he also knew that Shane needed it, needed this distance to feel safe right now and if that was what he needed then that's what Ilya would give him.
"Alright, lets get you guys secured back here and head out, that sound okay?" Marissa asked, her eyes understanding in a way that Ilya appreciated.
"Yes, thank you," Ilya's eyes moved, finding the four of them still watching them intently. "We are going to the hospital, he's…" Shane moved a but "Fine, m'fine."
Ilya did not believe that, and by the looks of it neither did the others. But he let it go for now.
"We'll meet you there, Ottawa General?" Bood asked, his eyes tearful as he watched them.
Ilya glanced toward Marissa.
"Yes, closest one, I'm not sure what rooms will look like, it'll probably be a lot of chaos considering the scale of today's events. Just be prepared to wait."
They all nodded, Bood taking the helm again, "Of course, we understand."
"I called his parents," Pike, Ilya turned his attention, "They know he's alright, with you and heading to the hospital, Yuna said she'd let you call her when you had time."
Ilya nodded, not for the first time was he grateful to him for being so loyal to Shane, and, well, him now as well he supposed.
"Thank you."
"Nah man, it's nothing. We'll meet you there, we're keeping the team updated too, just focus on him."
Ilya nodded and helped Marissa get the situated in the back, Shane on the stretcher even though he insisted he'd be fine without it. Marissa calmed him, saying it was procedure as Ilya squeezed his hand.
The other medic began the trek as Ilya and Marissa spoke softly, Ilya never ceasing his ministrations, smoothing his hand over Shane's, letting his hand hand push his hair off his forehead, pressing kiss after kiss to the pulse in his wrist. Shane let it happen and Marissa just smiled kindly as she spoke.
"This happen to him before?" She asked.
Ilya raised a brow, not entirely sure what part of 'this' she was referring to.
"The dissociation." She clarified.
"When he is… far away?"
He wanted to make sure he was reading it right, he was sure he'd heard Shane use that word before, sometimes for Ilya, sometimes for himself. But he wanted to be certain, he didn't want anything falling through the cracks here.
"Exactly, when its like his body is here but his mind takes a vacation somewhere else."
Ilya shrugged, his hand continuing it's small shapes.
"Yes, not often but… enough."
She nodded, "You know how to bring him back?"
"Usually, yes, but today- I don't like it, when he's not here like I want him to be. It's… not something I like seeing," he chewed his lip, english was never good enough when shit like this happened. "But he, he says it can be helpful sometimes. When the situation is more than he wants, and today seemed like one he would like to be away for. I can do that for him if I can do nothing else. He got out, that's all I needed. I have him now."
She smiled softly, her gaze tinged with sadness.
"You love him very much."
"He is everything."
"He loves you the same, I can see it." She said, a note of conviction in her voice.
Ilya nodded, he had no doubt there. He and Shane were entwined in a way that no one else could understand, fused with each other until it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended. He knew it could be considered unhealthy, this level of dependence on each other, knew it would be something Galina would have comments on if asked, but he also knew that he no longer cared what anyone else thought of them. Of what they had. It was theirs, that was all that mattered.
It was quiet after that, the only sounds filling the air being Shane's gentle, if a bit stilted breathing, Marissa had put him on oxygen as they'd begin the drive and it had seemed to help so far.
When they arrived at the hospital he followed with the stretcher, Shane's hand held tightly in his as Marissa delivered the details she had. Their words flowed over Ilya, he tried to listen, tried to parse through the more complicated words, tried to fully understand what was going on but he gave up as they reached a room, what would become Shane's room for the next few hours at least, he assumed. Anything he needed he would get clarification on later.
"Alright, I'll leave you two in their capable hands then. I'm really glad you're both okay."
"Thank you, for all of it." Ilya said sincerely, he meant it, she had made it easier. He would get her something nice, he'd make sure.
"Don't mention it, if you have questions Dr. Miller here will be able to answer them, they'll likely keep him on oxygen and for observation for a while. As well as dressing that burn and checking him for any other injuries."
She glanced to what was likely Dr. Miller who nodded in agreement.
"Bye you two"
She left quickly after, more calls to attend.
"As she said, I'm Dr. Miller, I'll be here if you have any questions or need anything regarding your husbands care. Nurse Tillie is going to have him change into a gown and do an exam if that's alright with you."
Dr. Miller was a serious man, Ilya decided, no nonsense but kind, he could see it in his eyes, soft around the edges.
"Yes, thank you. He is…" Ilya looked down, meeting Shane's gaze, trying to gauge how with it he was right now. The slightly more focused look told him that Shane was here at least a little bit but that he was still far enough that Ilya would be answering most of the questions.
"Dissociative" He said, the word leaving a bad taste in his mouth even now.
He simply nodded, "It's common, especially after a traumatic event such as this. I'll make sure Nurse Tillie and anyone else involved in his care are aware of it."
Ilya nodded his thanks and turned his attention back to Shane, coming to sit down in the chair beside him. He took his hand, pressing a kiss to the back as he watched Shane turn slowly to look at him. Their eyes met and Ilya gave him a small, shaky smile, hoping it would be enough to relieve him somewhat.
"Ilya" He whispered, as if trying not to break the calmer atmosphere, his eyes a little more present than they were in the ambulance now that there were alone.
"Here, right here Shanya."
"I'm okay, promise." Again his voice was so soft, gentle, trying to protect Ilya even as he laid in a hospital bed not unlike the one he was in years ago. Years ago where he was sure he'd lost him in every way, how the past rhymes.
"I know." Ilya nodded solemnly, and he did on some level.
"I love you"
"I love you too, любиымй. Always."
His phone buzzed from his pocket, the tenuous illusion of peace they'd found dissipated like a mist.
Still he kept one hand in Shane's as he pulled his phone from his pocket. Sucking in a breath as Yuna's name flickered across the screen. He met Shane's eyes once more, closer to the surface now that his mother was calling.
"Oh, she's probably worried."
His sweet husband.
"Yes, maybe."
"Shut up."
Ilya smirked, genuine humor filling it for the first time since he took off out of the arena.
He pressed answer and brought the phone to his ear.
"Yuna," his voice still came out harsh, rough. "He is okay, we are at Ottawa General. I am sorry I didn't call sooner."
"Ilya, oh Ilya honey it's okay, take a breath."
Her and his Shane so alike in their affection. He breathed for a moment.
"Hayden told us he was okay, he seemed pretty rattled."
Had he? Ilya wasn't really sure, his attention hadn't been on Pike at the time. He glanced up, squeezing Shane's hand as he watched Ilya.
"Ah, Maybe. I don't know."
Yuna was quiet for a second before continuing, forging ahead as usual.
"We'll be there in about ten minutes, just hang on a little longer, traffic is understandably horrible. But Ilya…" She seemed hesitant.
"Yes? What is it?"
"He's okay? Really? We saw the news, it looked," he heard her breath hitch, "It looked so bad, Ilya and I just knew I knew he was in there."
Ilya closed his eyes, water welling up as he fought back the onslaught of memories. He had no doubt she knew, he also knew, the same bone-crushing terror had when he saw Shane down on the ice all those years ago had stolen his breath even as he broke into a sprint. And along with that of course, mostly nothing got by Yuna Hollander.
"It was…not good. But he got out, he's okay. They have him on oxygen, smoke in his lungs I think."
"Smoke inhalation" Yuna offered.
"Yes, that's what they said. Also a burn on his arm, already been wrapped."
"Oh my baby," Her voice sounded almost as devastated as Ilya felt. Almost, he thinks, because nothing could match the the pure soul ending despair Ilya had felt staring at the burning building, he was sure of it.
Yuna coughed a bit over the line, trying to get through the lump in her throat. "Okay, we'll see you two soon, Hayden and the guys will probably beat us there alright?"
Ilya took a steadying breath, they would be here, they had other people to help then navigate this. It sent a rush of relief through him, he squeezed Shane's hand again. Not the first time today was he feeling intensely grateful but it still filled his chest nonetheless. If he had to, he would have figured it all out himself. Nothing would have stopped him from it, but… a part of him was so glad he didn't have to. So glad he could just focus on Shane and let Yuna and David deal with the logistics, let Pike and the rest of their team fuss and update each other.
"Okay, we will be here."
"I love you both very much," another muffled voice tried to yell through the line and Yuna huffed a laugh. "David does too, breathe, Ilya. We have this."
"We love you both too," Ilya spoke around the sudden knot of emotion in his chest. "Thank you."
"Thank you, for being there with him, for everything."
With that, the line went quiet and Ilya's eyes watered.
He heard a faint noise behind him and turned, seeing Shane's eyes on him, more present than they'd been at all in the last hour, looking at Ilya's glassy eyes and sorrowed expression with small frown.
"Hey, c'mere."
"I-"
"Shh, come here, sweetheart."
Ilya didn't argue, carefully moving himself to he was situated at Shane's side, not interfering with any of the wires that doctors had fitted him with. Shane's hand cupped his cheek, tenderly wiping away the tear that had fallen. He leaned closer, a soft kiss pressing into his cheek and Ilya trembled slightly at the sensation, at the sheer amount of love, devotion laced in that single press of lips.
"Everything's okay."
"I was so scared, Shane." It slipped out without his permission, jumping from his tongue, desperately needing Shane to know.
"I know, Ilya, I'm so sorry"
"No. no sorry's. Is not your fault," He swallowed around the glass in his throat, "I saw the news and everything kind of, just, fell away almost."
"That must've have been so awful, were you with the guys, Chiron?"
Ilya nodded, "Bood saw it on the T.V first, thought the place was familiar. Probably heard you mention it this morning at some point, maybe." He breathed slowly, in and out. "I forgot you had the car until I was already in the parking lot, he got us to his car. Harris, I think, said something about texting, calling."
"Oh," Shane's breath whooshed out of him, "Oh, Ilya, I just, I was on the phone with Hayden and I realized I might not get ou-"
A sharp pained noise pulled from Ilya's chest, he settled deeper into Shane's side, his arm coming up to rest around shoulders and then sliding down his back to wrap his waist instead.
"I know, but the glass wasn't breaking and the stairs were blocked and everything we tried just made it harder to breathe an-" Shane blinked hard, his eyes shiny and wet. "Fuck it was so bad." Then as an afterthought, "We have got to stop texting each other in near death experiences."
A laugh rose in his chest, unexpected but real.
"Ah, no. We have to stop getting into near death experiences, I think."
"Hmm, yeah, that's better."
Ilya nodded, he pressed a soft kiss to his temple.
"You were so brave."
Shane scoffed, "I tried the window, couldn't just…not try but it wouldn't budge. I just sat down and cried. Don't think it's all that brave."
Ilya shook his head, his arm pulling him closer.
"So fucking brave, my Shane. I would have been frozen ball of fear-"
"No, you woul-"
"Shh, I would have been so scared. And even then you found the will to text me, to leave me something." Pain was an ever present friend as he tried to fight his way through the words without falling apart. "Something I could have from you, to know you love me, that you wanted more time with me, that you tried to have it. It was so you."
Shane leaned into him, "I just wanted you to know I didn't go without a fight, I never want to be without you. It's probably a little unhealthy actually." He grumbled the last part, reluctant to acknowledge that aspect of it.
"Well then we can be a little toxic together, yes?"
A laugh bubbled from Shane's lips, "Troy?"
"Dykstra actually, loves the song, Brittany something."
"Spears, Brittany Spears, Ilya."
"Sure, yes."
Shane shook his head but his expression radiated nothing but fondness, endearment so clear Ilya could see no other emotion.
He ran his finger's over those beautiful freckles again. He was sure if you looked up 'adoration' in the stupid American dictionary that he would be there front and center, eyes fixed firmly on Shane Hollander.
"Oh look! Back to regularly scheduled programming, we love to see it folks."
They both jumped a bit as the door opened, Hayden, Harris, Troy, and Bood filing into the room, Yuna and David not far behind. It was cramped and simply had to be against hospital protocol but Ilya couldn't find it in himself to care. He relaxed a little further, they were here. They had Shane, they had them.
"Hayden," Shane breathed, a melancholic smile pulling at his lips at the sight of his best friend. "Hayd's, you okay?" His eyes watched him with concern, flitting over him as if he could seek any wounds out from sight alone.
"Yeah," his levity dropped, "Yeah, man. I'm good. I was out thirty seconds into it, it's you that gave me a heart attack."
Shane nodded, "Really the only thing that kept me from losing it was that you were already out. Does Jackie-"
"Jackie's worried sick, she'll be here probably by the end of the night, leaving the kids with her parents. She want's to see you."
"Okay, yeah, of course. Whenever-" Ilya squeezed his hip. "We will see what Doctor says and figure out visit's."
"Of course," Hayden nodded seriously, "Of course, man, yeah."
"I'm okay, this stuff is just precaution. It wasn't that bad."
Bood shook his head, his eyes red, Ilya briefly felt some guilt for what he'd put them through this afternoon but couldn't bring himself to hold onto it. His husband was possibly dying in front of him. He didn't care if he made it difficult to be near him. Not really.
"Looked really fucking bad, Hollzy."
Shane winced a bit.
"I know, I know, just the actual injuries part is minimal and-"
"Burns, honey?"
Yuna Hollanders voice cut through the room, her stride confident as her and David filled the other side of the bed.
"Just one, minor. Brushed against something while getting out."
Ilya hated the way he was trying to make this smaller, trying to make it seem like everything was okay. But he knew his Shane, he knew he hated being in the spotlight like this, the subject of so much worry. Ilya knew it was instinct, to brush off, to make things easy. It was something they'd been working on, though Ilya hadn't thought his mid-term test would be on such a large scale.
"It's been wrapped, a nurse is coming soon to check it I think." Ilya supplied, meeting Yuna's gaze, he could tell she also wasn't pleased with him downplaying what was easily the worst day of Ilya's and his parents lives, but like him, she decided to let it go for now. They'd drill that point home later, that he was not difficult, not an inconvenience, that they were allowed to love him and worry and he deserved it, did not need to prove he'd earned it somehow.
"Roz, Hollzy,"
Troy spoke from the far end by the door. "I'm really glad you're safe, Shane." Harris and Bood nodded beside him. Shane flushed a bit, even during his second season with them he was still shocked by their kindness, it made Ilya's bones itch with unresolved rage at the Metros.
"Thank's for being there, for helping with," his eyes flitted to Ilya for a moment, then back to the group. "all of it, for helping him."
"Of course, man" Bood. "We love you guys, do it again in a heartbeat. We'll keep the team in the loop, Coach said he doesn't want to see you on the ice for at least a few days." A pout rose to Shane's lips and the room breathed out a relieved laugh at the expected response. "I know but Coach's orders. He also said he's glad you're alright, we all are." Bood glanced to the others, barring Yuna and David. "I think us four are gonna head out, hospital staff might murder us with more than just their eyes otherwise. Keep in touch, yeah you two?" He shot Ilya a pointed look, he nodded. He was sure he'd be setting up another appointment with Galina this week, if Shane hadn't already told his mom to schedule it. If Yuna hadn't already done so, he had a feeling it was squared away already if the look Shane gave his mom was anything to go by, he had no idea how they did that. Hollander magic, he decided. "We're here if you need anything."
When Shane and Ilya nodded their assent, the group slowly filed out, Hayden squeezing Shane's calf comfortingly as he went.
Then, it was just them. Just their tight-kit unit.
Yuna took a deep breath and pushed it out slowly.
"Shane, baby, we're so glad you're alright."
David nodded, his eyes a little wet.
Yuna's eyes moved to meet Ilya's.
"And you too, Ilya, I was worried when I saw the news. Thank you for getting there so quick."
Ilya nodded, "Nothing would have stopped me." He said, steel laced in his words.
She nodded approvingly. "I know." A soft smile with her words.
"Alright," she stood straighter, clapping. "When the Nurse gets here we'll get everything sorted, when you can go home, any medication or things to watch for, the whole thing." She was in planning mode, Ilya both loved and was slightly unsettled by how alike Shane and his mother could be at times. It made his chest ache with affection. "You two have been through enough today. We have it from here, just focus on getting better and going home, okay?"
She waited from a nod from both of them before she pulled David with her, presumably to find Nurse Tillie.
For the first time since this nightmare had begun, Ilya felt his chest loosen, his shoulder's untense, his jaw unclench just a little.
They had them, he had Shane, everything would be okay. He nuzzled his nose to Shane's temple, another soft kiss pressed there, he trailed his lips lower, one featherlight kiss to his cheekbone, a gentle smile on his lips as he breathed his husband in, his arm tightening around him.
"Home soon" He murmured.
"Home soon."
They would be okay. Ilya would make certain of it.
This time, he believed it.