Chapter Text
Mike sat in a lawn chair on the back porch of his house, smiling to himself as he took in the evening breeze.
It had been twelve years since he'd watched Eleven disappear in front of his eyes, and he could still feel her everywhere. In the wind, in the stars, in the trees rustling in the distance. And although his heart had never recovered- and it probably never would- it brought a sense of peace when he could still feel her out there.
She was alive, of that he was certain. The connection they'd shared had never been broken, proof enough that she hadn't died that tragic night.
While he would never get his happy ending like the rest of the people in his life, he hoped that at least she did. Wherever she ended up, whoever she ended up becoming, he hoped like crazy that she was at least happy. Even if it was without him.
He was a man now, twenty-eight years old. Successful author, home owner, a recluse in his own right. He would still go into town when he had to, and go on book tours when his agent insisted. But for the most part he was most content on his ten acre property he'd purchased just a dozen miles outside of Hawkins.
It was home.
There were a lot more bad memories than good, but the good ones made it too hard to leave. The bad ones just left scars.
He subconsciously rubbed the scar on his face, a thick jagged line running from his left temple down the curve of his jaw. A souvenir from being hit with a car two years ago.
It was his own fault, he'd been walking down the road in a drunken stupor, drowning his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey. He was lucky that he'd left that scene with only a couple of scars and a concussion.
He lowered his hand to trace the bigger scar that ran down his right forearm with his fingers. It started just below his elbow, wrapping around the top of his arm, all the way to his wrist next to his thumb.
It had been his wake up call to stop drinking.
"I thought I'd find you out here."
Mike looked up from his chair to see Max Mayfield poking her head out of the backdoor.
"Your front door was open, you really shouldn't do that." she said, stepping outside and sitting in the empty chair beside him.
"What are you doing here? I thought you guys were leaving for New York?" asked Mike, surprised to see her.
"Lucas is there, he's setting up the new apartment. I still have to get some things from our old place." She paused and shook her head. "Honestly, I was feeling a little homesick before I ever left."
"I understand." said Mike, nodding. "Hawkins is surprisingly hard to leave."
"It really is." she said, looking out at the trees in the distance. "We're worried about you, you know?"
"I promise, I'm okay. I made peace with everything that happened a long time ago." he said, watching the same trees.
"Twelve years is a long time to mourn someone Mike. I loved her too."
"I'm not in mourning anymore. I'm at peace."
"Living out here alone? Never trying to meet someone new?" She looked over at him. "I know that she can never be replaced. No one can replace her for me either, but-"
"My heart is already full." said Mike plainly. "There's no room for anyone else. I'm not interested in being in someone's heart when I'm not capable of returning the favor."
Max studied his face as he spoke. He knew she was looking at the face of a man who'd been broken, and stitched himself back together with missing pieces.
"You still think she's out there, don't you?" said Max. "You're still waiting."
Mike sighed deeply, still looking out into the distance. He slowly shook his head, and finally looked at her.
"She's not coming back. I'll never see her again. I've made peace with that too." He let out a small laugh. "I can feel her, and that's good enough."
"She did tell me once that you could sense her somehow." said Max. He could tell by her face that she was still worried about him.
"I can. That's how I know she's still alive."
"Are you just going to live the rest of your life without trying to see her? If she's still alive, why don't you go to her?" asked Max.
Again, Mike shook his head. He'd thought a lot about this too.
"She left so she could start over. We would be safe, and she would be free. Finally, really free."
"But you love her."
"I do. I love her so much that I'm willing to let her go. Wherever she is, I just hope she's happy."
He felt his eyes start to sting and looked back out at the far trees, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He hadn't talked about her this much in years. It was actually nice.
"You loved each other even throughout the Upside Down, through the Abyss." said Max, wiping away a tear of her own. "This isn't fair to either of you."
"It's not fair. But it's the cards we've been dealt. And it's a losing hand, it was rigged from the start."
They sat in silence for a long time, listening to the crickets start to sing.
"Are you happy Mike?" asked Max suddenly.
Mike thought about his answer. He's wasn't sure what he was. He didn't think he was happy. He didn't think he was sad either.
"I'm at peace." he said simply.
"That's not an answer."
"My life is full of non-answers."
"That's true." Max nodded, admitting defeat.
Mike waited in silence for more of Max's questions. He rarely answered them, but for some reason tonight he felt the urge to share. Maybe because she was the last one of his friends left in Hawkins, and soon she would be gone too.
"If she ever did come back- hypothetically, do you think you could go back to the way things were?"
"I'm not sure. I'd like to say yes but, I'm not the same person anymore. I doubt she is either. It's been a long time."
"You haven't changed that much."
Mike smiled, he liked to believe that too. That he was still the optimistic kid who really believed in a far away land with three waterfalls and happy endings.
"Wounds change people. I know I'm not the man I was before. You know it too."
"You're right. You're not the same person. But I don't think any of us are." said Max. "We went through a lot."
"Too much. It feels like we've already went through a lifetime."
He could feel Max studying him again. He could already imagine her going to New York and telling Lucas they needed to check on him regularly.
"We're only twenty-eight, Mike. You have another lifetime ahead of you, a lifetime of new and exciting things."
Mike sighed. He knew she wasn't going to like his answer, and it would make her worry even more. But he was feeling exceptionally truthful tonight.
"My life of new and exciting things died when I was sixteen. I just want peace."
"Mike-"
"I'm not sad about it. I'm not depressed. I'm just being honest. I had everything I needed at sixteen, at twenty-eight, I'm content with what I have left. That's just the way it is."
"You're at peace." she repeated back to him.
"I'm at peace."