Chapter Text
Natalie couldn’t remember a moment of her life where she didn’t thought about dying. Sometimes a violent death, sometimes a calm one in silence hanging on a rope.
Death had always been present on her life, she knew how easy it could be to end up everything, and her worst fear was wasting her life trying to scape death. So she made a promise to herself. She will live however she wanted, and if she died because of it she at least will die happy. She never had that many reasons to be alive either way.
Otherwise Travis was pathologically afraid of death, it was a thought that consumed his head since he could remember.
He had to put himself in operating rooms since he was six. And the idea of putting down to sleep and never woke up haunted him since then.
And sometimes, when you’re so afraid of something like living concerned or not living at all, the only thing that can calm you down is someone so opposite that would give yourself a chance to rethink your fears a little bit.
Their story could begin in their childhood, when Travis was put for the first time on an operating room, or when Natalie’s father came home drunk and beat the shit out of her. Their story could start on par with their fears, but we will skip that part. The moment when their story truly begun was the day they met.
Natalie had figured out the way to climb to the roof of Waskayok school in the middle of third grade, she had became faster and smarter with the years, she never got caught.
She stepped into the top of it and sit down in the corner letting her legs fall down, she took a little can from her pocket and with what it contained she rolled a joint meticulously. She loved the view from there, by that time everyone was waking up and driving around the city to their schools, jobs or whatever place they needed to be. She took the lighter out of her other pocket and lit the joint with a surgical meticulousness. The moment she turned off the lighter the skin of her thumb burned a little and she let that lighter fall down.
Immediately, like a soldier's reflexes she lay down the roof just in case. But somehow he was faster.
“Scatorccio?,” a pretty out of tone voice sounded from the street, Natalie sighed and took a drag from her joint, she knew who he was.
“Thompson?,” she heard an insufferable laugh and she knew it was too late, so she peeked out from the roof and stared at the boy. He was skinny and pretty small, he was wearing a green jacket and a pair of jeans with his stupidly big glasses. “Just, don’t tell anybody about this,” she said “And give me back my lighter,” he laughed once again.
“What do I get from this?,” he asked, he had so much confidence, like she wasn’t six inches taller than him
“I won’t beat the shit out of you,” he raised both eyebrows and tasked his tongue.
“What about a kiss?,” he asked, she stared at him for a few seconds hoping he catches the silence as what it was, a strong and determinate no, but he still seemed more focused on charming her with whatever he had.
“No, the hell no,” she said out loud, he did understood them so he put the lighter on his pocket and smiled.
“Then i’m about to have a very interesting conversation with the principal,” he said
“You’re trying to extortionate me?,” she asked, she was getting tired of him, she was about to jump from there, making sure to fall straight in his dumb face.
“No, sweetheart, i am extorting you,” he said “I just want a kiss, you’ve kissed many boys before, what am i going to do to your list? one more won’t make a difference,”
She rolled her eyes “It’s not what you do to mine, it’s what i do to yours, give me back my stupid lighter and shut the fuck up if you want your shitty nose in its place tomorrow,” she threatened him, at this point it was the only way, and the way she’ll enjoy the most.
“It’s actually crooked, from birth, so you may fix it,” he said before leaving straight to the school.
shit.
She needed to get down as fast as possible, and she did, she never did it faster and quietly. But even if she could get down in time to meet the principal and show him she wasn’t in the roof, there was a tiny detail she missed.
She saw Thompson walking straight to her next to the principal, he was standing up and showing confidence, and she figured out that if she ran it will probably be worse, so she supported her shoulder on the brick wall of the school to look casual and waited there.
“Miss Scatorccio!,” she heard, it was the principal’s voice, she turned around her face to see him, he was walking straight to her “I can smell it from here,” oh shit.
“Smell what? are you sure it’s not Thompson? he might need a bath,” she said, she didn’t think it’ll work, but joking around might light up the stuff.
“You’ve been smoking marijuana inside this school,” he said, she saw the evil smile that Thompson showed to her, she didn’t understood how that boy tried to flirt her doing that kind of stuff but it was getting her out of her nerves. “You’re going to detention! Two weeks!,” he yelled
“What?,” it slipped through her mouth before she could think if it was a good idea “Two fucking weeks for a joint?,” she asked
“Language!,” the man corrected her and her only reaction was to roll her eyes “Look, you’re lucky you’re not suspended, so go back to class and after you finish it, go to the detention lounge, i will go to see if you’re there, and if you’re not, i will have to suspend you for real this time,” he threatened her. She bitted the inside of her cheeks, she wanted to have the last word, she really did
“Fuck off,” she said before leaving, he heard the principal yelling at her because of the language once again but she couldn’t care less. At least some literature class will be more interesting if she was baked.
But she did went to detention after class, it wasn’t like she had something better to do at home, sure, maybe hang out with Kevyn but anyways, if she skipped it it would turn out worse.
She did went late, of course, and in the moment she crossed the room she saw him. Sitting in the middle of the classroom in a semi-rebellious position playing with a pencil over his desk. The boy was tall, he had long black hair separated in two sections that falled through his forehead and sad brown eyes hiding behind them.
Natalie walked in silence and sat down next to the window throwing her backpack to the ground.
“Well hello, Miss Scatorccio,” Mr Brown greeted her with that bittersweet tone that meant ‘hello but why the fuck would you run out late to detention’
“Hi,” she said back, she curved her back letting herself melt in the chair, she would be there for a long time after all.
“Well, as there’s only two of you, i’m going to give you guys some homework and go to the library to help Miss Taylor with some books, i will come to check if you’re solving it but i don’t think you would mess anything up, i’m trusting you,” he said, Natalie rolled her eyes, it was no secret Mr Brown hated to work and every single opportunity he saw to leave the class he would take it.
He did exactly that, he wrote a few mathematical equations on the board and leave without saying a word. A few seconds of silence went by, none of them would talk, and normally Natalie wouldn’t care, she learned to enjoy the silence, but she was baked as fuck and that managed to get the extrovert side of her out.
“So… what did you do to end up here?,” she asked, he turned his head to watch her and took a few seconds to stare at her, like questioning if talking to her was worth it.
“I missed a few classes,” he didn’t seemed to contribute much to the conversation, but at least he answered her “You?,”
She smiled “I got caught up smoking,” she laughed a little remembering what happened “a joint ,” he looked at her, all of her.
“I can see,” he said. Due to his voice tone she understood the boy didn’t want to talk to her much, so she minded in her own business and let go the conversation.
She looked through the window, it was a sunny day, the sun lighted the recently cut grass and the trees moved lightly with the wind. She didn’t wanted to be there, but she didn’t want to be anywhere else at the same time.
Her mother was probably passed out in the couch of her house, she never said it out loud but Natalie knew she blame her for the death of her father, for the next three months of his death, Vera couldn’t look at Natalie’s face, she avoided it, not even a glanced. Natalie knew she hold resentment towards her, she did too. But sometimes she thought about what her mother’s life would be without her. Maybe if Vera Scatorccio didn’t had to avoid two sharp blue eyes that lived with her she would be happier, without having to see the face of the daughter of a fortunately death man, who once she loved.
But Natalie didn’t wish his father would have survived, she liked him dead, where he couldn’t hurt her, the problem was that this time, she was the one hurting herself.
She grab her pencil and opened her notebook, carefully she started to draw silly doodles in the corner of her pages with hope of filling the middle with the exercises later, deep down she knew she wouldn’t.
She didn’t knew how to draw, she never had time to learn in the household where she was born, but she liked to fake it, it relaxed her. She draw a ladybug, a birthday cake, a plane, and a cat, she had memorized those patterns before looking at books from the library and she copied them when she was bored at school. Now that she grew up those were the only four things that she knew how to draw.
She felt how the effect of the joint was fading away and she started to felt the boredom of the classroom
She wanted to smoke, she liked to say she could quit it anytime she wanted but she was starting to feel the abstinence hitting, the anxiety made her weak.
Natalie quietly opened the window and lit a cigarette next to it so the smoke wouldn’t stay in the classroom. She took a drag and enjoyed it, every second, it relaxed her in some way anything could.
Travis glanced over at her a few times, she noticed but decided to ignore it, he was probably hating her for the smell. At least that’s what she thought until he talked.
“It’s dangerous, smoking,” his voice sounded hoarse, he’ve been quiet for too long.
“I can quit smoking whenever i want,” she lied consciously, se was aware she couldn’t, she had reached the point of smoking inside the school, she definitely couldn’t quit.
“I just thought you might want to know you could die,” he said, she let out a breathless laugh
“And so what?,” she asked “Not that big of a deal to be honest,” Travis’s eyes changed, like what she was saying was odd, and maybe it was, but Natalie wasn’t used to people caring that much about conversations to really try to prove a point with her.
“I mean, it’s the big deal, when you die everything ends, it is a big deal to me at least,” he said turning around completely to face her, he wanted to be heard this time.
“You can’t be afraid to death, Travis,” she said “To be happy you have to stop fearing death, because when death arrives you’re not here anymore, and while you’re here death doesn’t arrive, so you won’t coexist,” she smiled remembering the only class she ever fully attended “Epicurus,”
She truly loved philosophy, se felt interested by it and enjoyed the class, too bad the teacher hated her for not arriving in time.
His face didn’t seemed fully convinced, but there was something about his parted lips that told Natalie he was speechless.
“Sure you can coexist,” he said “I mean, if you’re lucky you’ll have a fast death and then your logistic will work, but what about long and hurtful deaths, there is a time when you will coexist,” he crossed his arms waiting for her to prove his point, but she wasn’t that flexible minded.
“So you’ll chicken out your whole life to avoid some uncomfortable moments at the end?,” she asked, he seemed annoyed because she won’t bend to his side, she seemed proud.
“And you will take things to the limit just to feel a bit of adrenaline and luckily die at forty-two years old?,” he asked, she rolled her eyes
“Exactly,” she took the last drag of her cigarette before it was absolutely consumed and turn it off in the wall closing the window behind it “That’s my shit,” she smiled. He stared at her, trying to understand her mindset
“You’re weird,” he told her, she laughed a little, it was nice to not be called a slut for once “How can i convince you to fear death a little more?,” he asked, she rolled her eyes with a smile.
“How could I convince you to enjoy life?,” she answered with another question, she loved to do that, she felt quite mysterious.
He didn’t answer quite after, he took his time to think, arms crossed, clenched jaw, part closed eyes “How long are you in detention?,” he asked, she seemed puzzled.
“What? Two weeks, why?,” she asked, she had forgotten she was in detention at this point.
“Let’s bet, i bet i can convince you to appreciate life as long as you’re in detention with me, when you walk out this door for the last time you’ll realize i was right,” he said, sure of his words. She grinned, she enjoyed a good challenge.
“I bet i can convince you to stop fearing death as long as we are in detention together,” she said “But what if we loose?,”
A fair question, Travis looked up to think of something “If i win, you’ll stop smoking and give me ten bucks,” he said
“Great, if i win we’ll go on the park’s rollercoaster together, and i mean the bad one, and you’ll give me ten bucks,” she grinned with satisfaction “Deal?,” she said extending her hand to him, she was wearing fake silver rings.
He shook her hand and they closed the pact “Deal,”his eyes brighter at her touch, but only for a second, it was so short she asked herself if she had imagined it “Starting tomorrow?,”
“Sure, just if you don’t chicken out,” she laughed
“Oh my god wrap it up,” he said.
She laughed a little and for the corner of her eye she saw, for the first time, a grin in Travis’s face. She felt proud of it.
She didn’t know yet, none of them did.
Back in her place she opened the door and for the bare smell she knew her mother had relapsed. Her trailer smelled like vodka and weed. She took a deep breath and went inside.
“Here you are,” the woman said, Natalie closed her eyes, part of her wished that when she opened them she will be far away “Where the fuck have you been?,” the woman seemed bad, her face was sucked in, her hair was messy and dry and her hands shacked for the abstinence.
“On detention,” she said, her voice came out weak and she hated it. Her mother glanced at her, like she couldn’t stand her presence.
“I don’t fucking believe you, i was your age too, so don’t fuck with me and take this,” The woman hold a pregnancy test and give it to her daughter. It wasn’t the first time, Nat knew how her mother feared motherhood, even more grandmother-hood. She took a deep breath trying to gain courage to speak.
“I swear, i wasn’t with anybody, I’m not pregnant,” she said trying to keep her voice calm.
“You are just like your father young lady,” Natalie swallowed hard, she hated that to be true “So don’t fuck with me and took this test before i give you a reason to hate me,” Natalie took it and walked to the bathroom.
She wasn’t nervous, she knew she wasn’t pregnant, and indeed, it was the most negative pregnancy test she ever saw. But she knew how her mother regrets her pregnancy at such a young age. And maybe it wasn’t the best way to prevent it, but she just wanted the best for Nat. At least that’s what she liked to think.
She showed it to her mother, she felt embarrassed about it, like having to take it was a proof of how her life was about to be ruined at any moment.
The woman stared at it, her mouth was slightly opened and her eyes closed a little to check.
“Fine,” she said “You can go to your room,”
And that’s what she did, she walked straight to her room without glancing over her mother, she preferred like that.
Natalie lay down in her bed and stared at her ceiling. She thought about detention and Travis. She wasn’t sure if he was capable of changing her mind. But now she had an objective, changing his.
So she grab an old notebook and started to write.
How to change Travis Martinez’s mind.
She didn’t knew how to convince him to take risks and fear less death, but she knew something that turned her fears off for at least a while.
- Get him drunk, and make sure he does something stupid.
And she knew exactly how.