Chapter Text
Too many strong hands grabbed too many places on my body. I scrambled for the dagger laying just beyond my reach and only collected more dirt beneath my fingernails for the effort. Men’s hands squeezed, yanked, and pinned my limbs.
If Kirwyn was anywhere nearby my screams would have called him to me. But that was a fool’s hope and I had no time to be foolish.
Men of Rythas hoisted me upright and dragged me through the trees and into a small clearing. But to whom specifically?
You know who, I nearly screamed at myself. You just vowed not to be foolish, so why deny it?
But… but… it could be another band of soldiers, I argued, kicking and yelling. There were more men now than I’d remembered from across the gorge.
Once, I’d watched a newly captured bird flutter around its cage, pitching itself against the bars in a panicked and fruitless attempt at escape. It felt like that bird was inside my heart, mad with fear and frantically slamming against the walls of that rapidly-beating organ.
I was tossed so violently onto the dirt that I couldn’t immediately scramble to my feet. Two black boots appeared inches before my widened eyes as I laid, splayed onto the ground.
I gulped, badly wanting to stay down, to remain frozen. Delaying a few seconds before I looked up meant that I could pretend a little while longer that it was someone other than…
Lazlian.
My heart dropped as I raised my gaze.
Oh god.
He was dressed as I’d last seen him, in black riding leathers. The emotions flitting across his face and through his gaze were too fast and too subtle for me to discern. The moment I thought I’d had something to cling to -- something to read that I could work with -- it disappeared.
Be smart, I warned myself. You can’t escape with brute strength, you must be clever.
I gasped with false relief, “Lazlian! I- I’m so glad you found me. I was kidnapped and thought you were murderous freeborns chasing me, but I’m so thankful you’re… you’ve… rescued me…”
As I spoke, I rose to my feet, but Lazlian threw a look at someone behind me, and that person gave me a firm kick, shoving me back to my hands and knees.
I quickly understood that no one was buying my lie. I also realized that if I tried to stand again, I would be shoved back down once more, and I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of doing so.
Well then, to hell with being coy.
I returned to my knees -- as far as I dared rise -- and stared up at Lazlian with a straightened spine, a lifted chin, and all the defiance and dignity I could muster, kneeling before him.
It didn’t matter. The change in me brought no change in Lazlian, not even to fight me back to cowering. He’d placed an impenetrable mask of hardness over his face and nothing was going to alter it.
Not good, I thought, sweat dripping down my neck. There was nothing worse than when Lazlian was unreadable. Any number of terrors could await.
You’ll be begging to die for days -- weeks.
I shivered at the memory of his words.
Where were Kirwyn and Aewna? Was it better if they were safely far away, even if it meant no one would rescue me?
The only indication of emotion I could glean from Lazlian was the twitching fingers on his right hand, but I didn’t know what that meant. Did he want to fist them? Strike me?
Stilling once more, he said evenly, “You can ride behind me and hold on yourself, or we can tie you up and sling you over the horse.”
I blinked at Lazlian’s unexpected speech. He’d delivered it with just as much hardness as his expression.
It wasn’t much of a choice. I licked my lips and whispered, “I’ll ride with you.”
For a moment, Lazlian only stared down, and I worried he was going to sling me over a horse anyway. Had he wanted me to protest so that he could mistreat me? Or was he curating our exchange in front of his men? The Dorestes had spread the lie throughout the kingdom that I’d been kidnapped instead of running away, but to have aided Lazlian in my recapture, these guards had to be trusted with some of the truth.
I supposed the keylord didn’t want to reveal anything more than necessary.
He certainly didn’t want to make a bigger scene of my desire not to be married to his brother. Perhaps I could use that to my advantage.
He brushed past me and with no other option, I rose shakily to my feet and followed. Laz’s fury was so palpable it was like I trailed in its tangible wake. I remained silent, an obedient puppy, hoping my cooperation would buy me some mercy.
A fool’s hope again, Zaria. Nothing bought Lazlian’s mercy. But at least I wouldn’t make it worse for myself. The wise thing to do would be to play along until Kirwyn came. He would find me. Rescue me.
Lazlian swung onto his horse and his guards pulled at me as they helped me in behind him.
With nothing else to hold onto, I tentatively wrapped my arms around Lazlian’s waist. So brief I nearly missed it, his hand grazed mine, almost like he meant to press and hold it to him while at the same time, I felt his body relax with an exhale. Then his back stiffened, ramrod-straight, and I heard him huff through his nose. He turned his head half an inch and said, “Are you going to remain holding on or do I have to tie your hands?”
“I’ll hold on,” I promised, then dared, “W- Where are we going?”
“If you let go or cause a scene, I will make sure you never regret anything more in your life. I will repay you in tears, do you understand? Yours.”
I couldn’t stop another shiver. Lazlian spoke low, and I knew for sure now that he wanted to control the story being told as much as possible. It was obvious that I wasn’t willing, but maybe he didn’t want the soldiers to know how much control over me his family had lost.
“I understand,” I whispered, tightening my arms around his waist as he kicked his horse into action. Holding onto my captor went against every instinct I had.
Since he refused to answer, I had no idea where we headed as we took off into the forest. I’d thought Lazlian rode fast when we headed back to High Spire the morning after the Fae Fête, but this made that incident look like a pleasant stroll. It might not have been any faster than Kirwyn rode, perhaps, but Kirwyn always made me feel safe. With my eyes screwed shut, I turned my head and pressed it into Lazlian’s back, holding him so tightly I wondered if he found it hard to breathe. A dozen or so riders flanked us through the woods, and it was impossible to rein in my thoughts as we rode because the horrors awaiting me were limitless. Unless… perhaps we’d meet Juls when we came to a stop? Or someone who would protect me?
No, I thought, stomach sinking. Lazlian intends to hurt you. It’s all he’s ever wanted and now he can. He’s going to take you where Kirwyn can’t follow and where no one can hear you scream.
We’d only slowed once, during which time Lazlian allowed me to drink from his canister. I longed to rest my aching muscles. My clothing stuck to my body with my own sweat. Dirt caked beneath my fingernails and coated my neck and face. I had to pee and I knew Lazlian wasn’t going to let me do so in the woods, alone.
It was still dark when Lazlian halted his horse before an abandoned manor. The estate must have been the home for someone rich or powerful, but it had since been left to disrepair. It couldn’t have been vacated for long, however, as foliage had only just started to reclaim the façade. I stared at the foreboding manor with increasing terror as we dismounted. Lazlian barked orders to his men, sending most back to somewhere on the coast. To fetch a ship and sail it northward, I assumed, bringing reinforcements. Only a handful of soldiers would stay to guard us.
His closest, I thought. He doesn’t want anyone else to see or hear what’s about to happen.
A quick glance told me only five men remained. As the bulk of his guards disappeared into the trees, Lazlian snapped his gaze to me and everything changed. In that moment, I truly understood how much danger I was in, and fear overrode my desire to not give Laz the satisfaction of defeating me. Before he even spoke, I resolved to fight, to scream, to run -- to do anything in my power other than step into that house of unthinkable horror.
“Tie her up in the suite,” Lazlian ordered.
“No!” I screamed. I thrashed twice as hard as when his men first captured me, despite having half the strength. I suffered bruises and stupidly depleted the minimal energy I had left as the five guards dragged me up a staircase of questionable safety, down a long hall, and into a suite with high ceilings and a surprisingly dust-free interior. The room contained a dining table, desk, several chairs, and a bed that had been made with seemingly fresh linens. It wasn’t modern and the walls were paint-chipped, but there had been a solid effort to tidy what could be organized. In preparation? Had they stationed here before?
My stomach flipped when I noticed the small metal circle hanging from an alcove along the rear wall. From the broken wicker seat in the corner, I could tell it had once been used for a swing chair. Perhaps, long ago, it had been for pleasant activities, such as reading.
No longer.
“Let me go!” I cried, knowing no one would listen but unable to defeat the instinct. My hands were tied together and my arms were hoisted above my head as men secured me to that dreaded metal circle.
I hated that I couldn’t stop my tears. I hated that I was so scared of Lazlian, a part of me regretted ever having run away. The cowardly thought shamed me, but I knew whatever was about to happen would shame me more.
I’d humiliated his family with what I’d done, and Lazlian would relish making me suffer the same.
Why had Lazlian hunted me down? Why couldn’t it have been Juls, as the rumors said? I could reason with Juls, beg or persuade him. I could lie, and his good heart would make him believe, make him want to believe.
Lazlian stormed into the room and I watched him in wide-eyed terror, trying to understand what would happen next. One of his guards approached. The man was soft, pockmarked on his nose and cheeks, and didn’t look like much of a fighter. He was still easily able to force my mouth wide by pinching skin between my teeth. He shone a light inside, inspecting.
“What are you doing?” I cried, when the man moved on to my eyes and ears. At the same time, there was a flurry of activity behind him and Lazlian approached, holding a needle.
“What is that?” I demanded, trying to scoot away from the impending prick and not making it very far.
Lazlian lifted my shirt and found a spot on my hip. With one quick move, he swiped something cold across my skin and with another, he plunged the needle into my tender flesh, making me suck in a pained breath.
“That hurt. What is it?” I gasped, panting and thankful Laz had at least done it before I had time to faint at the sight.
“A concoction for the backlands. Antibiotics, vitamins,” his guard answered. “Electrolytes,” he said, flourishing a flask.
“We’re helping to keep you alive.” Lazlian bit out the words. His dark stare made my heart beat faster. “For now.”
“I don’t need your help,” I spat as I flailed. “I was doing just fine until you arrived.”
“Drink,” the portly man commanded, pressing the bottle to my lips.
I didn’t have much choice and was thirsty enough to gulp it down quickly.
“Do you feel weak?” he asked, studying me. “Ill?”
“I feel pissed off,” I retorted.
I feel scared, I thought, but refuse to admit. Terrified.
Roughly, the guard ran his hands through my hair, parting it every so often to examine my scalp. “Filthy, but no lice, no ticks,” he proclaimed.
Lazlian’s lip curled in disgust, as if they were present anyway. I wanted to cry out that if I was filthy, it was only because I’d been on the run from him.
Before I could speak, the guard pressed a small, tan cube to my lips. “Eat this.”
“What is it?”
“A nutrient cube. It’s like a Spade brick. In case you’re depleted.”
Choosing dignity over having it forced down my throat, I worked the dried cube around my mouth until it dissolved. It tasted like chemicals and strange spices I didn’t know.
“She’s good for now,” the inspecting guard announced, turning my chin left and right one last time. I guessed him to be less of a physical guard and more a healer in possession of medical training of some kind. “Unless she’s-”
Lazlian cut him off with a dismissive wave. “I’ll deal with that later.”
The healer bowed his head slightly before departing.
My head spun, because nothing Lazlian did ever made sense. If he planned on torturing me, why nourish me? If he wanted to help me regain my strength, why tie me up?
But I had no answers as Laz exited the room, and I was left alone like a fish on a hook.
Kirwyn will come, I repeated, trying to calm my racing heart and tugging on the rope. Kirwyn will save me.
Kicking and squirming, I waited long minutes for Lazlian to re-appear. The anticipation was unbearable and I knew he knew it, savored it. When Laz finally returned, just his image filling the doorway with his foreboding presence made my heart pound. With every step forward it seemed like he the mask of control he’d been wearing in front of his men slid another inch, until his unbridled fury revealed itself.
I was alone with my nightmare, restrained, and he was enraged.
When he reached me, my stomach dropped so quickly I thought I might faint.