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Harry really, really hated leaving Louis alone at their flat. He knew Louis got lonely. Sure, management sent Eleanor out to go take fake, over-posed pictures, or just spend time with Louis, but Harry knew that it didn't fill that gap he left. Harry almost never actually wanted (or needed) to go out. It was always because management needed him to do this, do that, go party with Niall, go to private photoshoots.
He hadn't expected the photoshoots to affect Louis so much, so fast.
___
Louis hadn't expected it either. To be honest, he hadn't even noticed the problem until about a week in.
Harry had been called out to go to a promo deal with Liam and Zayn. Harry had left reluctantly, kissing Louis again and again, making sure to cover every inch of his face. Finally, Louis had laughed, pushing Harry out the door. Harry had giggled, calling behind his back, "It's just two weeks, Lou! I'll be back before you know it!"
Louis had chuckled, nodding, shouting "I love you!", before shutting the door.
He was doing fine. Until the photoshoot pictures had been published. Every single shot was Harry with a girl, Harry with Zayn, Harry with a girl, Harry with a girl, Harry with a girl. Louis looked through them. And then he was looking though them again. All those skinny girls and he just...
Louis stared at himself in the mirror. He took his shirt off, dropping it to the floor. Why wasn't he invited to the photoshoot? Niall was in Ireland, yes, but why wasn't Louis invited? Was he not skinny enough?
Louis poked his stomach. He had abs. Just. He also had a little tummy. But Harry loved his tummy. Didn't Harry always tell him? Didn't Harry spend inordinate amounts of time kissing and licking his stomach? Louis loved that, though he didn't admit it very often. But these pictures, seeing his boyfriend with all these skinny girls, made something snap in Louis.
He wasn't good enough.
Louis didn't sleep much that night.
---
Harry unlocked the door, grinning. He loved the smell of their flat, spicy with a hint of peppermint and tea. Almost like the unique smell of Louis.
Louis. Harry smiled. "Louis? Baby, I'm home, they let me home home a day early!" he called, listening to his voice echo through the flat. Harry frowned. Where was Louis?
He smiled again, hearing Louis shut the bathroom door. A moment later, Louis appeared around the corner.
"Harry! You're back!" he yelled, practically throwing himself into Harry's arms. Harry chuckled.
"Hey baby, I missed you," Harry murmured into Louis' hair, inhaling the familiar scent. He wrapped his arms around Louis. Something felt wrong. He felt the smile drop off his face. Louis was tiny. He'd lost so much weight, and Harry, to be honest, was scared. Knowing Louis' reaction if Harry let it show that he was worrying about Louis, Harry plastered a smile on his face before pulling back, hoping it didn't look as fake as it was. Apparently he was doing a mediocre enough job, for Louis' smile didn't drop.
Harry sucked in a small breath. "I'm just gonna go take a shower, yeah? I'm tired," Harry said, grinning weakly. Louis' brow wrinkled just a bit, but Harry assumed that he was putting it off on exhaustion. Louis nodded, taking Harry's hand and leading him to their bedroom. Harry winced, realizing that Louis would probably try and get in the shower with him. Which wasn't a problem, per se, Harry just needed a minute to think, try and figure out why his beautiful Louis was suddenly skinny and pale after little under two weeks.
"Lou? Will you, uh...will you make me a sandwich? I'm starving," Harry said cautiously, not wanting it to seem like he didn't want to spend time with Louis. Louis seemed to understand, not catching the subtle hint harry was trying not to expose. Louis smiled.
"Sure, baby, I'll make you a grilled cheese, sound good?" he asked. When Harry nodded, Louis left the room, pulling the door almost shut. The crack in the door let in a sliver of the pale, waning, evening light, casting a soft glow on Harry's crumpling figure as he sat on the bed, head in his hands.
What had happened to Louis?
---
Louis sighed in relief when he reached the kitchen. Harry hadn't noticed. There wasn't going to be a problem. No worries.
Remembering that Harry liked the green towel with the orange border, Louis went back into the hall and grabbed the towel from the closet. He walked back toward their room, frowning when he didn't hear the sounds of a running shower.
Pushing the door open, he opened his mouth to ask Harry why he wasn't in the shower. He froze in the door way, taking in the sight before him. Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. His hands were shaking.
Harry's hands only shook when he was scared.
That slight quiver of Harry's hands spurred Louis into action.
He dropped the towel on the desk chair, walking forward to rest his hands on Harry's own shaking ones. "Harry! What's wrong?" he asked.
Harry looked up, eyes huge and sad. "Louis, what happened?" he whispered.
Louis grimaced internally. He knew this would happen. He, of course, hadn't expected it to be quite this heart-wrenching.
"Harry, nothing happened, I just. I'm fine," he said, not able to make direct eye-contact. Harry twisted his hand, still in Louis' grip, around, wrapping long, spidery fingers around Louis' thin wrist.
"NO, Louis, you are not fine. Why are you so...thin?" Harry asked, still speaking quietly, yet surely. Louis shifted, moving his weight from foot to foot. Harry watched him, waiting for the inevitable moment Louis would either open up or leave the flat in quiet anger. Harry was sincerely hoping for the first.
A long moment passed, and Louis didn't spend it thinking and debating whether or not to open up. Instead, he spent it staring at the soft beam of evening sun that fell through their open doorway, watching the little dust motes swirl in the light. He spent it thinking about green eyes and soft, puffy, pink lips, cheeks that smiled a quiet, Louis-smile. He spent it remembering all the times those very same pink lips had denied invitations to clubs, parties, dinners in favor of spending a night with Louis, curled around each other on the sofa, the smell of Chinese takeout swirling around them. And then Louis turned to Harry.
"I haven't been eating much. Very little, actually. And I didn't want you to worry so." Louis said, this time making eye contact, blue on green.
Harry's face crumpled. "Why, Lou? Why wouldn't you eat? What happened, tell me, please," he replied, the words coming out unusually fast, as they always did when Harry was nervous or anxious. Louis took a deep breath.
"Because of your photoshoot," he admitted quietly. Harry sighed. Pulling Louis down onto his lap, Harry fell back on the bed, pulling Louis into his arms, bodies turned sideways, facing each other. Harry stoked his fingers along Louis' spine. He is skinny.
"Louis, I didn't want her, I promise, I didn't even know or I would've told you and-," Louis cut him off.
"No Harry, it's not that you didn't tell me, it's just. Why wasn't I invited? I know you and I couldn't be in a picture together, but why couldn't I come along anyway?" he asked, his face so close to Harry's he had to move his head back an inch or so in order to see Harry's entire face.
Harry sighed again, shrugging. "I dunno, Lou, why is management so obviously homophobic? I have no earthly clue, all I know is that the whole time I was gone, I missed you something awful. And I really wish you could've come, yeah?"
Louis nodded, leaning down and nuzzling into Harry's neck. "Yeah, s'fine babe. I know. I just. I felt like I wasn't good enough? And I guess that kind of latched in my mind more than I thought it would," Louis said into the skin of Harry's neck.
Harry frowned, tugging Louis' head back. "That's what you were thinking? No, Louis, no, okay, i love you so much alright? You're perfect, not just 'good enough'. Don't ever, ever think that, yeah?"
Louis nodded, wrinkling his nose. "Y'know, it's probably good you're back, I'm really hungry," he says, embarrassed, cheeks tinged pink.
Harry shook his head. "Lou, baby.." he trailed off, climbing all over Louis, pressing kisses to his ribs, collarbones, jaw, cheek, all over the soft, tanned skin of his face. Louis giggled under Harry's lanky frame, his stomach clenching with the sheer amount of love he felt for the boy on top of him. Threading a hand in Harry's hair, Louis pulled his head back. Smiling softly, he craned his head up and touched his lips softly to the other's. Harry smiled into the kiss, before pulling back and getting off the bed. Taking Louis' hand, he yanked him out of bed.
"C'mon, you, I'm making us some unburned grilled cheese," he said, grinning at Louis.
"Please," Louis said, smiling back.