Chapter Text
You don’t know why you woke up again. Really you had hoped that you could finally rest but it seems the universe demands an encore. What a blinding joke your life has become. Or maybe it was always a joke, a comedy for the audience to sneer at. It has been that at least for as long as you can remember.
You don’t move for a while. Instead, you look at the night sky with its thousands of stars. You want to scream and curse at them until your voice gives out. But you’re too tired for that. You’re too tired for most things, really. Instead you just lie there cold and alone, watching as the stars laugh at your misery.
Eventually the sun comes up and the stars slowly disappear with the night sky. It’s just you now, a star that remains even when every other one has already faded from sight. Doesn’t that remind you of something~ It makes you laugh.
You should get up, even if you’re tired you don’t want to stay in this blinding meadow anymore.
You try to stand- and promptly fall over. … You’re not used to wearing heels anymore. The shoes feel wrong on your feet? Paws? Hooves? Whatever they are now, they’re just another thing to make you different from before. Different from Siffrin.
Not like there was much left of him before your second poorly thought-out wish. It makes it kind of funny that the universe decided to bring you back with all of your clothes. The only sign of who you used to be. How fun~
You take the shoes off and stretch your toes? for a moment. Your feet still look like those of a deer. Actually no, your entire legs look like those of a deer. But that’s not new and neither is the lightless shade of your hide speckled with darkless dots. At least you won’t have to relearn how to walk again. Already took you long enough to get used to the weird deer legs.
While you’re at it you take off your gloves too. You don’t know whether you do it because you’re not used to them anymore, because you want to feel more of your surroundings or because you’ve become so much of an animal that you would rather fight with your claws than any kind of weapon.
A weapon… Your hand goes to the dagger on your belt. You could always just end this show early, get some rest.
You take a deep breath, in … and out. No, you won’t end the performance just yet, you promised Stardust that you’d see him again after all. And you intend to keep that promise, you can rest after you give them back their coin.
For a moment you stop and wonder whether Stardust even wants to see you again. They said so under the Favour tree but that could have been years ago at this point. Maybe they already forgot about you~ wouldn’t that be just hilarious.
But you don’t have anything better to do, so you might as well check in on him. Make sure they didn’t make some other stupid wish. Because if there is anything that you are good at, it’s making ill thought-out wishes.
You pick up your hat (that you know is there because your tail kept knocking against it) and draw it as far down as you can. Maybe you can at least pretend to be a person long enough to get some information on Stardust’s and the copies whereabouts. Or at least a time and day. Not like it will mean much to you, you have been stuck far too long for that to matter anymore.
You walk into Dormont.
It has to be early in the day and still the village is abuzz with activity. People are bringing tables and food to the middle of the village and decorations are being strung up. It looks like the people are preparing to celebrate. For a moment you wonder what there is to celebrate. Then you look at the House in the distance and stop.
The people of Dormont are celebrating their own doom.
The House stands lightless and imposing, with an eternal night sky looming behind it. Looking the same as when the King took over. But that should be impossible, it would mean that the loops weren’t broken. That you’re still trapped with Stardust and those pale imitations.
You want to laugh or cry, or maybe both. You do neither. Instead, you run away from the people preparing and towards the Favour tree. Some of them look after you confused, but you don’t care right now.
You don’t know why you go to the tree, maybe it’s familiarity or maybe you’re just trying to get back into position before the show starts anew. But when you arrive there, you stop.
Something is off.
It looks like something has exploded in the middle of the clearing. Leaving the familiar grass and large parts of the Favour tree charred and burned.
Four flowers are neatly placed in the trees shade where they are unlikely to be disturbed. You gently pick up the flowers and cradle them in your hands as you sit on your usual root.
The first flower looks similar to a dandelion but far bigger and a darker shade, it’s fluffy and on some of its leaves there are worry marks. It reminds you of Mira.
The second flower is big with some large petals hiding the smaller ones beneath, all of the petals have been meticulously arranged and its colour shines brightly. It reminds you of Isa.
The third flower is sharp and precise though it has some softness to it, neither too big nor too small it looks like something out of a botany book. It reminds you of Odile.
The fourth flower is chaotic and loud; all of its petals are different in size and colour, it’s slightly sticky. It reminds you of Bonbon.
You wonder if they left them for you. But no they wouldn’t, they likely left them for Siffrin. Your eyes trail to the scorch marks. It seems you made quite the exit.
But this would also mean that you’re back, that this is your world with your friends. You can go and see your friends again... They’re not dead. They’re here and alive and- and they’re going to face the King soon. Without you, without a shield, without a guide.
And they won’t recognize you when they see you. Not with the sharp claws and hooves and tail. Oh, and the literal night sky for skin and a star for a head. How could you forget~ Somehow that’s what irks you most about this form, that they won’t recognize you.
You didn’t mind having to learn to walk and fight again. At least it gave you something to do during Stardust’s loops. You learned to accept that you looked different. After a certain number of your own loops the person in the bathroom mirror didn’t feel like you anymore anyways. You think this new form suits you quite well.
It reminds you of something, it feels like home.
You just wish they would still recognize you… And that they didn’t have to see you explode. The last thing you can remember before Stardust’s loops is swallowing that star. Your friends screaming and reaching for you. And after you were so cold to them too. You hope you didn’t burn them with your temper tantrum.
You want to apologize but you’re not their friend anymore. You’re not Siffrin anymore. You haven’t been in a very long time. But you’re not Loop either, are you? Loop’s role was to help Stardust with the loops. But those loops are over and you’re not very keen on finding out if you can still loop.
So that leaves who? An empty shell of a person? A monster? A lonely fallen star? A traveller without a home? You… don’t want to think about this anymore.
You gently stow away the flowers in your cloak to keep them safe. Maybe you can still help your friends with the King. Not as their friend, but if you’re smart about this you can still act as a sort of guide. You just need to be careful; Odile won’t trust a stranger so easily.
Your planning is interrupted when you hear footsteps. Someone is coming to the Favour tree. You really don’t want to be seen by one of the villagers like this, so you climb up the tree until your light is hidden from view. You can hear the voices more clearly now.
“Belle, do you think Frin would have liked the snacks I made for today?” Bonbon, they sound sad. You want to do something to comfort them, instead you stay where you are, claws digging into the tree.
“O-Of course. Everything you make is great Bonnie.” Mira, she seems stressed. Your heart twists at how sad she sounds.
You can hear Bonbon let out a loud gasp before running over to where the flowers were before. You can see them now. They look just like you remember. With a big pillowy hat on chaotic lightless hair, lose clothes and shoes way too big for them. Their hands stained lightless with little dots, probably from cooking.
They frantically look around. It almost impresses you that the snacks in the bowl they’re holding don’t go flying everywhere. “Belle! Belle! The flowers are gone!”
Mira comes over too, accompanied by the gentle dinging of her brooches. She still looks mostly the same, poofy black hair with a darkless bow and a caplet over a just as poofy dress.
The only difference is that her hands are stained that same lightless shade with dots, probably from helping Bonbon. She also looks a lot more stressed than before. She bites at her nails as she comes closer. You want to reach out and comfort her, but you don’t. Your claws dig deeper into the tree’s bark instead.
“O-Oh change, you’re right. Maybe the wind picked them up. O-Or some of the birds took them. Or…”
“Or maybe Frin got them!” Bonbon seems somewhat excited by this, quickly putting down the bowl with snacks.
Technically you did get the flowers, even if you’re not Siffrin anymore, maybe they’d be happy to let you have them. You hope so anyways. You wonder if the snacks were for you too.
Which reminds you, both Bonbon and Mira are here. But where are Isa and Odile? You didn’t hurt them when you exploded, right? Stars, what if you did. What if you killed them. Would looping even fix that or would you wake up back in the blinding field after their deaths have already happened?
You think that might break you again- or maybe there’s nothing left to break.
Mira claps her hands in front of her, ripping you out of your spiral enough to tune back into the conversation below you. “Y-Yeah maybe they did get the flowers.” She seems a bit more determined now even if she’s barely keeping from crying.
“Hey Frin, we’re going to go and kick the Kings crabbing butt and a-wing-e you. I super duper promise!” Bonbon yells at the tree. You can see tears in their eyes.
You can’t take this anymore. Even if they don’t recognize you, you can still help. You dislodge your claws from the poor tree branch you’ve left quite the marks on and swiftly climb down until you stand on your root again.
“I think it’s avenge, kid,” you say and quickly realize that you didn’t think this through. You don’t know what voice you’re using. And you hope that you’re smiling right. You hug yourself tightly under your cloak.
This feels different from your talks with Stardust and it’s different from talking to his family. And it’s not like you can remember what you were like before. You don’t really know how to act. You just do.
They turn their head in your direction immediately and stare with wide eyes. For a moment you hope that they will recognize you despite the changes. Mira looks conflicted for a moment, before puffing up a bit. You’re not sure what to think about that.
But before she can do anything, Bonbon comes over to you and grabs onto your cloak. “Why do you look all weird and shiny?” Asking the important questions it seems. Still, you don’t think they recognize you. You feel very cold all of a sudden.
“Bonnie, you can’t just ask them that…” Mira admonishes them. “I’m sorry for that. They’re just really curious but…” she simply trails of looking at the burned ground.
“It’s quite alright, Housemaiden.” You lean down slightly to be at eye-level with Bonbon,” It’s because I’m a star, Kid.” You say it like it’s a big secret. You’re half tempted to add an ‘and because I have such a shining personality’. But there would be no one to laugh at your joke without Isa around.
“A star? Like the weird sky dots? How are you here then?”
Right, they think stars leave during the day. Maybe you can use this actually. You stand up straight again.
“Because I’m here to help you. Here to bring your little party safely to the King and help you defeat him.” You hope that will be enough for them to let you tag along. Mira was happy enough to let a random stranger tag along before. And you can’t let them go into the House alone. You can’t let them die again.
“Yeah, we’re gonna kick the Kings butt!” Bonbon yells. It feels like there is something off with them. They still seem somewhat upset, more subdued. Mira is back to biting her nails, she looks conflicted. Of course, bringing a stranger to a fight like this would need some proper thought. Even if you’re technically not a stranger. But you also didn’t save them from a Sadness this time.
“Housemaiden? Your nails.” She immediately stops instead clasping her hands in front of her. “R-Right. It’s just that…” She pauses, still looking at the scorch marks you left behind, before she continues more determined, “Y-Yes, right, as long as you’re sure about this, you can come.” She says something else, but you can’t understand what.
Bonbon is still holding onto your cloak and slightly tugs on it. “Hey?” You lower yourself to their height and they say quietly, “You’re not gonna leave again, right?” You don’t know what to say for a moment. You wouldn’t leave them again. Not if you get a choice. That’s what got you stuck in the first place, wasn’t it? That inability to let go.
You give them a soft smile. Even if you don’t know if they can tell the difference or not. “No I’m not. Not as long as there is a King to beat. You know when I was sent here I was told to make sure to keep all of you safe, because your friend cares about you all a whole bunch. And I can’t keep you safe if I’m not with you.” The sentiment is true sure, BUT WHY DID YOU BLINDING SAY THAT. You selfish thing.
Thousands of loops and not once could you tell them. Why now of all times. Now that your wish can’t come true anymore. Now that you’re cursed to be alone and can at best watch them from afar. Maybe it’s because it was phrased so that the words only indirectly came from you. Maybe you’re just too tired to really care anymore.
You feel Bonbon poke you, you don’t know what to make of their expression. “You were day-sleeping again. Kinda like yesterday…” They look down sadly. Great job you idiot, you made them sad again. Do something. You kneel on the ground fully and gently put a hand on their shoulder.
They immediately barrel into you. You’re quickly wrapped in a very firm and slightly sticky hug. You very clumsily hug back by loosely wrapping your tail and arms around them. You are very careful with your claws. They hold you even tighter. You can see tears in their eyes.
You rest your head on theirs and wait. It feels so incredibly nice to finally be touched. None of them dared to before. So, this is a welcome surprise.
Out of the corner of your eye you can see Mira stiffen at first before relaxing again. She must have decided you’re not going to hurt Bonbon. She isn’t wrong for worrying.
You did get Bonbon hurt before. You got everyone hurt before. You think of a thud as Mira’s body hits the floor, the others already lying there bloody and dead. Bonbon having been told to run. You try not to feel sick.
Mira comes and sits next to the two of you. She seems uncertain for a moment, before taking Bonbon into her arms, careful to avoid you as best she can. She still has to partially hug you simply because Bonbon is clinging to you so tightly.
It’s much looser than their crushing grip on you but just as nice. Even if it’s not meant for you. Bonbon keeps their face buried in your cloak. And she is so very close you could just…
You take one arm and put it around Mira and after a moment she draws you into the hug a little more properly. All of you just stay like that for a while. No one says anything. You feel warm in their embrace.
You and Mira look up when you hear footsteps coming closer. You’re greeted with Isa and Odile. They’re alive. You didn’t take them with you when you burnt up. You try not to cry. You breathe, a deep breath in… and out. Thank the stars they’re alright. You really don’t know what you would have done if they were gone.
Odile is silently judging you and you feel a shiver run down your spine. Isa looks like he’s thinking and for a moment you wonder how you didn’t see how smart he actually is before the loops. Bonbon continues to quietly cry into your cloak as you keep holding them gently. Mira partially extracts herself from the hug and is back to biting her nails.
No one says anything. You want to laugh. You want to cry. You want to draw them all into a hug and never let go. But you don’t, instead you cling to Bonbon and Mira a little tighter.
And then Isa gives a smile that could rival the sun, “Aww, guys a group hug without me? Really?”
He doesn’t actually sound sad, but Mira panics anyway. “Oh change, I-I’m sorry Isabeau.” You let out a fond huff. It’s still Mira even after everything, she still is herself. Still the shy and kind Mira you knew. And you … are completely different, not Siffrin, not her friend. Not anymore.
“Maybe I can still join in now?“ Isa’s still smiling tilting his head. He’s still the same loud and brave Isa you left behind. And you… you are barely even a person anymore.
“Just get over here, Za. It’s not a group hug without you.“ Bonbon mumbles out from where they cling to you. They are still angry, still themselves. And you’re just a tired actor filling in a role that isn’t yours to play.
Isa comes over sweeping all of you into a hug. Mira stops the anxious fidgeting with her dress, once Isa drags her into the hug properly.
His hug is firm and warm but not sticky or crushing like Bonbon’s. It’s nice. You feel warmer again. You can hear Odile let out a fond sigh as she comes closer. As always lovingly exasperated at all of their antics, as always curious and perceptive. She’s still the same old Odile. And you are… not the one who’s suppossed to be here, just a stranger to them.
“As comfortable as I am certain that configuration is. We do have a monarch to fight. And I do believe that that can’t be done with the four of you in a hug. Unless you plan to cuddle the King to death.”
You almost laugh at the dry remark. Love may be the solution to the time loops and technically to the King. Still your friends just piled on top of him, trying to hug him to death is a funny image.
You think of the King decorating his armour with your dead friends. You try not to throw up, not like you can anyway.
You can feel Bonbon tug on your cloak. You sit a bit away from everyone else, shaking like a leaf. You hug yourself to try and stop. You must have moved while zoned out. Everyone looks at you with worry in their eyes. You force a smile, “I’m alright you know. No need to look so worried~.”
That seemed to do nothing to help with everyone’s worries. If anything, it might have made them worse. “Really, I’m fine.” You try again softer than before. The looks everyone gives you tell you that not one of them believes you.
“Yeah, no. Sorry buddy, but I would rather not have a repeat of yesterday. So, you’re going to tell us what’s wrong.” Isa looks at you thoroughly unimpressed.
You’re not baking down, “I meant it you know~ There is nothing wrong.~”
Odile slams her notebook closed with a look that lets you know that you’re as good as dead. At least you got to see them all one last time.
“Isabeau, why don’t you take Boniface and Mirabelle and get everything ready. The two of us will meet you at the House later.” Her tone leaves no room for arguments. This is really it then.