Chapter Text
“I mean, you had sex with your ex, right?” Beomgyu is asking, and Taehyun is wishing he could avoid the topic entirely. Of the ex, of the sex that was allegedly had, the whole messy thing.
There’s a hue to Taehyun’s cheeks now, pinker than before, more than just the flush of alcohol that is painted on all their faces now. Kai is the drunkest, somehow, and is slung over Soobin like the older boy is his lifeline. Beomgyu is a little more buzzed than Taehyun, and Taehyun is wondering if he should grab the bottle of soju that sits near him. Needs to get his mind off of this topic.
It had come up, as most intimate and embarrassing questions do, after a night of drinking with his friends.
They had been out, hopping from place to place, but had decided to end up back at Yeonjun’s apartment. Yeonjun, who is probably the coolest person Taehyun will ever get the chance to know, was always stocked with alcohol, making it the perfect place to end a night.
Kai had suggested playing twenty questions, which had devolved into them just asking each other the nosy, personal questions that they were too afraid to ask sober. Soobin and Yeonjun, both admittedly less drunk than the younger boys, were fine with going along with it. Because they usually did– could be persuaded any which way, whatever the whims of the youngest three wanted.
Soobin had just answered something about his ex that had made Taehyun’s cheeks heat up, couldn’t wrap his head around someone saying that out loud, much less actually doing it. Beomgyu had guffawed at that, the other boys tacking on their own too personal stories about ways they’ve been bent or places they’ve done things that they shouldn’t.
Taehyun was fine with talking about sex, mostly.
It wasn’t other people’s sex lives that made him squirm in his seat, made him feel so frantic and uncomfortable in his own skin, like it had been stretched too tight over his bones. But he hadn’t been contributing anything, no juicy morsel of gossip, and Beomgyu had noticed too quickly.
This was how the conversation had veered to Taehyun and his alleged sex life. Which was the worst way it could possibly go. Because now he was being asked questions about things he didn’t want to remember, things he didn’t really know how he felt about it.
It suddenly felt like the weight of the world lay in the heavy eyes of the four boys surrounding him. Scrutinizing him, waiting for an answer, for something good.
Taehyun has nothing that they want to hear. Nothing good.
Kai is too drunk to defend Taehyun, but Taehyun can see the machines of Kai’s mind whirling around, because Kai is the only one who knows about Taehyun's ex.
“Well– yeah.” Taehyun says, voice short, not wanting to get snappy with Beomgyu but unable to conjure up anything else he could say.
There is another reason why he didn’t really want to talk about it right now.
The company in the room. Not that any of them he didn’t trust with his life, because he did. He loves his friends more than anything in the world, would probably do anything they asked. Within or without reason.
The issue is that Yeonjun is sitting in the chair across from him, leaning back like he owns the place (well, he does, they’re in his apartment), legs spread wide and a faint blush from the alcohol across his face. His hair is shaggy, loose, messy from the time he had spent on the dance floor earlier. His eyes are feline, dark, and make Taehyun’s stomach do all sorts of flips.
Kang Taehyun absolutely does not want to talk about his more than disappointing sex life with Choi Yeonjun in the same room as him.
“He doesn’t have to answer that,” Kai is mumbling now, even though it’s too late, the question is already floating in the air and Taehyun’s lackluster response is leaving Beomgyu wanting more.
“So what was it like?” Beomgyu steamrolls.
Taehyun knows it’s not out of any bad feelings, Beomgyu is the sweetest person alive, but drunk Beomgyu likes to push buttons. Likes to fit into cracks he probably shouldn’t.
Taehyun can feel Yeonjun’s heady gaze on him. From the alcohol, probably. Soobin is too wrapped up in patting Kai’s hair and rubbing his stomach lightly for him to really be included in the conversation.
“Uhm,” Taehyun starts, hands fidgeting with themselves in his lap. He feels sober now, at the shock of the question, and his defiance to actually answer the it. The room has gone silent and Taehyun hates it. Hates feeling cornered, like he does now. He settles on saying, “I guess it was fine.”
Thinks to himself, no one in the room is sober enough to have this conversation. His own feelings about sex, the act of it, the physicality of it, were uncomfortably lodged in his throat. He isn’t sure what they’d sound like if he said them, leaving them open to judgement from any corner.
“Just fine?” Beomgyu quizzes, giggling. Yeonjun is still eerily quiet. Soobin is still distracted.
Kai says, “Beomgyu, drop it,” which is making it feel like more of an issue than Taehyun wants it to be. He wants it to be dropped, but organically, not through force. Not through making the rest of them shut up, but by them losing any and all interest in Taehyun’s sex life. Or lack thereof.
“No, it’s fine,” Taehyun finds himself saying, even though he’s glad Kai was sticking up for him. It feels nice to not be alone in a room, to always have someone who has his back. It’s always Kai, at the end of the day. “I don’t mind.”
Though he really does. But he gulps it down.
“We only had sex a few times,” Taehyun mumbles, “I guess… I don’t know. It wasn’t very good, but he really wanted to, so…” He trails off, unsure of what else to say. There’s a lot else he could say, a lot else he thinks about it, but he doesn’t want to dump that on them right now. Doesn’t want to feel any less normal than he already does.
Beomgyu always has another question up his sleeve. Yeonjun sips a cup of something that Taehyun hadn’t seen him pour. A trickle of sweat runs down Taehyun’s neck. It’s January.
“What else?” Beomgyu asks, “Did you fuck anyone after him? Why was it bad? Did he top? Did you top?”
The onslaught of questions makes Taehyun feel dizzy.
“Gyu,” a melodic voice comes out, one that Taehyun is a little surprised to hear, “Leave him be. He doesn’t have to talk about it.” Yeonjun is saying it so softly, so gently, that Taehyun is almost shocked. He isn’t sure Yeonjun has ever talked to him with such a timid tone in his voice. It feels fragile, almost. Like he’s being treated with utmost care.
Beomgyu pouts but drops it. Which is funny, because he hadn’t dropped it when Kai asked him to. Something about Yeonjun is authoritative, as if his words are a command given to Beomgyu rather than a suggestion between friends. Something about him was strong enough for drunk Beomgyu to fall in line.
Taehyun mouths a small ‘thank you’ to Yeonjun, who just nods, taking another sip of his drink. He holds eye contact with Taehyun the whole time, from when the cup presses to his lips to when he swallows it down his throat. Taehyun thinks that he is unfairly attractive, even like this, drunk and tired and messy. And still kind.
The rest of the night dwindles away with hushed conversation and drowsy eyes. Yeonjun tells them they can spend the night there. Soobin and Kai fashion themselves in Yeonjun’s only guest room, which Taehyun thinks is unfair. Just because they’re the only couple doesn’t mean they should automatically get dibs on the bed.
Yeonjun delegates Beomgyu to the couch because he’s still a little too drunk and won’t really care where he ends up. This is proven when Beomgyu leans over and basically collapses into a fit of sleep as soon as the others stand up.
Taehyun is about to offer to sleep with Soobin and Kai, even if that’s awkward, when Yeonjun turns to him.
“My bed is big enough,” Yeonjun is saying, which passes through Taehyun’s head like a leaf falling in a warm autumnal breeze. He isn’t too shocked by it, the offer that is waiting in the implication of Yeonjun’s words, but it still takes him by surprise.
Yeonjun is an overtly clingy person– always has been. But it’s normally with Soobin, or Beomgyu, who are more open to constant affection and physical touch. He’s less like that with Taehyun. It doesn’t necessarily annoy Taehyun, because he tries to not give it much thought. Hell, even he knows he’s touchier with Kai than anyone else in their friend group.
Taehyun nods, wordlessly, the alcohol twisting his tongue into knots. He can’t say anything he’s thinking, like how Yeonjun’s lips are shining after Yeonjun swipes his tongue over them, or how badly he wants to run his fingers through Yeonjun’s tangled hair.
Instead, he just follows Yeonjun to the older boy’s room, as if Yeonjun had issued a silent command with those words.
The path to Yeonjun’s room feels longer than ever.
Taehyun has been in Yeonjun’s room before, multiple times, yet none of those times have felt like this. Yeonjun— silently, patiently— gets Taehyun a change of clothes, fills him a glass of water, asks if he needs anything else. Taehyun shakes his head in a ‘no’, because he still isn’t too sure how confident he feels in talking. His voice might betray him.
It’s when Taehyun is snuggled tightly into Yeonjun’s blankets, which the older boy had piled over him in some attempt to tuck him in (which had just made Taehyun’s heart scream), when Yeonjun speaks again.
“Hey, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?” The look in his eyes is more earnest than Taehyun has ever seen before. It’s almost pleading, as if he desperately wants to be that close to Taehyun, to be someone that Taehyun can talk to about anything. A place for all of Taehyun’s embarrassing thoughts and intimate secrets to seek refuge.
It takes a second for Taehyun to respond, his eyes already fluttering closed. “Of course, Jun,” he whispers, and Yeonjun nods, and then Taehyun’s eyes are closing and he’s letting sleep win the battle. He faintly feels Yeonjun getting in bed beside him, but he’s out before he can truly take notice of it.
—
Things don’t really change after that.
Taehyun had awoken to Yeonjun lightly snoring, arms trapping Taehyun down, more so in his usual affectionate way than anything else. They had all risen that morning to varying levels of headache and had gotten breakfast to quell the grumbling sounds their stomachs were making.
Beomgyu had later apologized to Taehyun if he had been pushy, but Taehyun told him not to worry, smiling at the older boy, reassuring him that it was really fine. Kai had tried to get Taehyun to talk about it, but Taehyun hadn’t really felt like it. Hadn’t felt like opening that can of worms, dealing with whatever his feelings were.
He lets that night get put to rest, trying to allow his brain to let him forget it, forget the look in Yeonjun’s eyes as he was wrapping layers of blankets around Taehyun.
It didn’t mean anything. If anything, Yeonjun was pitying him– for the awkward tension that had bled into the room when he was trying to avoid Beomgyu’s questions. Taehyun knew he had made it weird, knew he should’ve just lied about it. He just couldn’t bring himself to.
He doesn’t see Yeonjun for a week after that. They all get busy, with their own personal lives and jobs and things that stop them from seeing each other. Kai and Taehyun live together, and even then, Taehyun only seems to catch Kai at the wrong times. One is exiting, one is entering. Everyone is too busy.
Soobin is the one to rectify this, texts their groupchat and says he desperately needs to see them, needs to hang out and take a break from the hectic daily lives that they all lead.
This time, they reconvene at Soobin and Beomgyu’s apartment. It had always been funny to Taehyun that he and Kai lived together and Soobin and Beomgyu lived together– he had even offered to switch leases with Soobin, because he could only assume that Soobin and Kai would want to live together. Kai had gotten gravely offended at that, sad and mopey, insisting that Taehyun stay with him. Taehyun had no complaints.
Soobin and Beomgyu’s apartment is a little closer to his and Kai’s than Yeonjun’s is, but they’re all really within walking distance. Beomgyu had joked once that they were all too co-dependent to live more than fifteen minutes away from each other. It had been a joke, but they all knew it was true. Too intertwined with each other. Taehyun doesn’t know what he’d do without them in his grasp, couldn’t and wouldn't let them slip through his fingers.
Taehyun and Kai are now opening the door to Soobin’s apartment, because it’s open for them and they have never had to ring the doorbell. The sound of it unfamiliar to their ears, because they’ve never used it before. Have always been welcomed with open arms, no matter what.
Yeonjun is already there. Taehyun is fine with that. He knew Yeonjun would be here. Yeonjun is one of his closest friends. Of course Yeonjun would be there. Except, when he sees Yeonjun leisurely laying across the old leather couch in the living room, his heart stops. Can’t seem to forget the last time he saw Yeonjun, the quiet tenderness that Yeonjun had treated him with, the intimate look in Yeonjun’s eyes as he regarded Taehyun.
The memory of it makes Taehyun feel quite like he is slowly suffocating, unable to get enough air to his lungs.
They walk in and are met with a chorus of ‘hellos’, and Kai is already clinging to Soobin and Beomgyu is sitting next to Yeonjun and for the first time in a long time Taehyun feels almost out of place. He sits down on the worn-out chair diagonal from the couch, looks at Soobin and Kai because he doesn’t want to look at Yeonjun. Or because he does too much. Disproportionately so.
There’s a conversation happening around him and no one seems to really notice how quiet he’s being until Yeonjun says his name. In a tone that is airy, light, like a breeze flitting through his hair on a chilly Spring day.
“Right, Taehyun?” Yeonjun is asking, the smile on his face crinkling around his eyes, in a way that makes Taehyun want to kiss the soft lines apparent there. Taehyun just looks back at him, eyes big and round and questioning.
“Yes?” He squeaks out, which makes Beomgyu laugh, because it’s obvious he wasn’t actually listening to the conversation. Yeonjun smiles back at him, continuing on with what he was saying, as if Taehyun’s confirmation only proves whatever point he was originally making.
Taehyun just snuggles back into the seat, tuning back out. Kai brings him a blanket and a drink, and Taehyun hadn’t thought it was going to be that kind of night, but it is, because he finds himself accepting the drink and the subsequent offer of another one when he finishes the first.
He rejoins the conversation around when his second drink is halfway gone, as if the liquid courage had actually helped him, even though he knew he never needed to actually be courageous around his friends.
Beomgyu is recounting a story about how he got yelled at by someone at his job, and then the person had gotten fired. Cosmic timing or instant karma, either work.
“He deserved it,” Taehyun finds himself saying, though he hadn’t planned for the words to leave his mouth. Which makes Soobin giggle, because Soobin is already tipsy too, and the world is a lot funnier when the taste of alcohol sits on one’s tongue.
“So mean, Taehyunie,” Yeonjun says, though Taehyun knows he’s joking– the older boy had just made a rude comment about Beomgyu’s ex-coworker as well.
Taehyun sticks his tongue out at Yeonjun, and Beomgyu continues his story, hands moving around fast as he excitedly talks about watching his (newly dubbed) enemy get fired.
Yeonjun’s eyes linger on Taehyun’s tongue when he sticks it out at the older boy. When Taehyun draws it back into his mouth, Yeonjun’s eyes flitter over the shape of his lips. They’re a little dry, he had forgotten to bring his chapstick, so he licks them to dampen them. Yeonjun watches that, too.
Taehyun looks away.
There’s a buzz in the air that could be made up entirely from the buzz in Taehyun’s head.
Kai is looking between Yeonjun and Taehyun with a look of surprise registering on his face. A look that Taehyun doesn’t want to decipher, because there’s nothing there. There isn’t. Nothing besides a pitiful crush on someone who sees him as a little brother.
Yeonjun is going out for a cigarette now, and he’s inviting Taehyun even though he normally doesn’t invite anyone. But Taehyun goes and pretends there isn’t a flutter in his stomach, pretends that it doesn’t make him feel special that he got chosen to keep Yeonjun company. When they go out, or Yeonjun is stressed, or he’s had a few drinks, he always steps out to smoke. Normally, he would stop Taehyun or Kai from following him out.
“You’re too young,” he would usually tease, even though if Taehyun and Kai really wanted to smoke, they could go buy their own cigarettes.
Sometimes, Beomgyu would join Yeonjun, but rarely. Soobin was squeamish about it, hated the smell, but still let Yeonjun smoke at their apartment if he kept it confined to the balcony.
Taehyun goes with him because Yeonjun smoking is a sight to see. Because he’s surprised he even got the invitation, in the first place.
The balcony overlooks a park, a pretty sight, kind of rare to see in such a bustling city. The park is dimly lit, a few lights throughout, though the one nearest to them is flickering. Needs a new bulb, probably.
That’s what Taehyun is thinking about because he’s trying to not think about how close Yeonjun is, or how Yeonjun looks when he places the cigarette between his lips, flicks his lighter to it. Taehyun is afraid to talk, to ruin the silence, because maybe Yeonjun didn’t mean to invite him out. Maybe Yeonjun will regret it if Taehyun says something.
Yeonjun is the one to break the silence.
“I’ve been thinking,” is how he does it. Trails off, slightly, for a second, as Taehyun watches him actually think over the words. Acts like they left his mouth involuntary.
That’s about the scariest thing anyone could say, could start a sentence off with. What has he been thinking about? Taehyun would love to live in his brain, see how he thinks, learn the way of the world from Yeonjun’s point of view.
“I mean, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?” The way Yeonjun says it is so desperately earnest, yet shy in its delivery, that Taehyun feels his cheeks heat up. Warmth against the cold air of the night. Knows what Yeonjun is probably referencing, given their last time seeing each other. Thinks about the way Yeonjun had muttered those same words to him before he fell asleep that night.
Taehyun nods. Gulps, then hopes that it wasn’t too obvious. He feels like he’s out of his depth. He only really has these conversations with Kai. Not because anyone else in their friend group would judge him, but out of his own inability to effectively communicate his feelings. To know what to say.
Yeonjun offers him the cigarette. Taehyun is shocked, but takes it anyway, thinks about the fact that his lips are touching where Yeonjun’s just were.
An indirect kiss.
Taehyun takes a drag, and then coughs a little. This makes Yeonjun laugh.
“Can’t believe you’re letting me smoke under your supervision,” Taehyun jokes, and his voice comes out a little strained. A little shaky. “Thought I was too young?”
“Figured you might need it,” is the excuse that Yeonjun offers up– though Taehyun can feel his eyes on where the cigarette meets Taehyun’s lips. He lets himself wonder, for just a second, if that’s the real reason Yeonjun had invited Taehyun out here. “Better with me than with someone else.”
Taehyun doesn’t let himself imagine that for too long, though, because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Doesn’t know what he would do if he was actually the object of Yeonjun’s attention. The idea makes his stomach flip. Existing like that, in Yeonjun’s mind, is scary because Taehyun has no clue what it would look like. What it would be like. It excites him, too, which he tries to quell.
“I know, Jun,” Taehyun says, referencing Yeonjun’s earlier comment. He takes another drag of the cigarette before handing it back to Yeonjun. He doesn’t cough this time. “I trust you.”
Yeonjun accepts the cigarette back, flicks the ash off, watches it flutter away with the wind. It’s too cold for them to be out here, really, but Taehyun can’t find it in himself to feel the chill when Yeonjun’s gaze on him so attentively warms him up.
Yeonjun seems impatient. Antsy, even.
“Do you want me to tell you about it?” Taehyun asks, because the weight of Yeonjun’s gaze is so heavy that he can barely breathe. Figures Yeonjun wanted something out of this, even if he can’t figure out why.
Yeonjun finishes his cigarette and lights a second one. Taehyun almost scolds him, but decides against it.
“Only if you want to, you don’t have to,” Yeonjun is mumbling, and Taehyun is struck with something he hasn’t thought of before. That Yeonjun wants to know him in the same way Kai knows him, so thoroughly that they know what the other is thinking before he even thinks it. He wants to know Yeonjun in that way, too, but has to keep it separate from their friendship and his own blinding crush on the older boy.
“I just–” Taehyun pauses, doesn’t really know what to say. “It was my first real relationship, so I didn’t know what else to really do. It felt right, at the time, or so I thought.”
Yeonjun is watching him with the biggest eyes that Taehyun has ever seen. It makes him feel like he’s being surveyed– like he’s on a petri dish, being looked at under a microscope. What is Yeonjun seeing when he looks at Taehyun right now?
“I mean,” this next part is said with an accompanying blush, “I lost my virginity to him.”
He had never actually told anyone but Kai this, because it made him feel juvenile. There were times before then that he could have, he had the opportunity to, but he just hadn’t. On the flip side, from what he’s been told, Yeonjun has had sex in every which way. It’s intimidating.
“Not that he was mean, or anything, but I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was. We hadn’t been dating that long. And it was mainly just…not fun. I felt like I would never be able to erase his touch from my body. I don’t know if I trusted him enough, in that moment.”
Maybe Taehyun is tipsier than he thought he was.
“Now, I just know that I would want it to be with someone I… Well, I love. I would have to trust them a lot.”
Yeonjun puts his second cigarette out, the last bit of smoke disappearing in front of their eyes. Taehyun knows that Soobin will probably complain about the specks of ash that haven’t been blown off the balcony by the wind yet, but Yeonjun doesn’t seem to care.
The older boy is visibly deep in thought, even though his eyes remain on Taehyun’s face. Taehyun feels vulnerable in a way that he didn’t when he told Kai about it. His ex was a nice enough guy, but Taehyun knew he had rushed into it, knew it wasn’t exactly what he wanted. Won’t let himself imagine what he actually wanted.
“I’m sorry,” Yeonjun settles on, which isn’t really what Taehyun had wanted to hear. He isn’t actually sure what he did want to hear.
“It’s fine, really, I’m fine with it now. It was just something that happened. I’m never sure what else to say about it. It’s not like I hate sex, or that I never want to have it again, I just think the circumstances would need to be different.”
Yeonjun nods at this. “Well,” he stops himself from saying whatever he was about to. Looks nervous, for some reason.
“Yeah?” Taehyun prods, pries, wants to sink his fingers into Yeonjun’s brain and inspect it for himself.
“This isn’t going to sound how I want it to,” Yeonjun says, his voice a hushed whisper, quiet in a reflective way. “But if you ever want to… Change that, or try again.”
It takes Taehyun a minute to process what Yeonjun has just offered. Even then, he isn’t sure he understands what Yeonjun is saying. Needs it clearer, in more plain terms.
He simply stares back at Yeonjun.
“I just,” Yeonjun looks lost, “Not in any way. Just if you do want to try again.” His eyes are fluttering around, and Taehyun is finally hit with the fact that Yeonjun is nervous right now. He isn’t sure he’s ever seen Yeonjun nervous before. “With someone you…you know, trust.”
“Oh,” Taehyun says, the offer taking up too much space in his brain. “Thanks.”
They’re staring at each other, now, in an analytical way. Yeonjun still looks scared, and Taehyun isn’t sure what else to say.
“Sorry,” Taehyun interrupts the silence, because the buzz in his head is driving him crazy, and he needs to hear Yeonjun actually speak the words. “Are you offering to fuck me?”
This makes Yeonjun laugh, expelling the tension in the air, the coldness of January returning. Taehyun is freezing his fingers off to be out here, sitting across from Yeonjun. His mind decides that he doesn't need those fingers that bad.
“That sounds bad,” Yeonjun groans. “But… Yes? I don’t mean to be insensitive.” He chokes on his words. Taehyun giggles. “But your ex sucked, and you deserve better. You deserve to have fun sex, good sex.”
And then there is a more serious tone present in his voice when Yeonjun speaks again. “And I know I could make it good for you.”
The eye contact he holds with Taehyun now is grave, not a hint of a joke in his eyes, and Taehyun sits with it for longer than he should. Being looked at by Yeonjun feels good.
“Thanks, Junnie,” Taehyun smiles, even if his inner thoughts are screaming and there are alarms blaring and he has to stop himself from immediately agreeing to it. “I appreciate it, I really do.”
They sit out there for a minute longer, before Kai is knocking at the door, asking if they’re frozen solid, if they’ve turned into lollipops. Taehyun gets up, trails back in behind Kai, but not before turning to Yeonjun and promising something that he doesn’t even understand the depth of.
“I’ll think about it, really,” he says, and Yeonjun looks almost relieved. Nods his head at Taehyun’s words, following him inside.
Kai raises an eyebrow, and Taehyun knows that he is going to get quizzed later on what happened out there. Isn’t sure he’s ready to admit it to himself. Isn’t sure if Yeonjun offered out of pity of Taehyun’s less than subpar experience, or if Yeonjun was being earnest. Deep in him, he knows the truth. It just scares him more than he’d like to admit that it does.
When he and Kai walk home that night, Kai’s silence is more telling than if Kai was rambling on about nothing. Taehyun doesn’t fill the air, either, because he’s too scared that he’s going to make it real. The one thing he wants most is offered up to him, and he’s too afraid of it. Too afraid of himself.
—
Taehyun does end up telling Kai what happened. Because he can’t keep something from the younger boy for long, and Kai is too smart to be blind to the way that Taehyun is clearly skirting around something.
When he does, Kai sits there, silent for a moment. Thinking about it, mulling it over in his mind. He likes talking to Kai because of this. Kai sees the world in a different way than Taehyun does, less cut and dry. Taehyun is technical, literal, whereas Kai is whimsical, imaginative. Their worldviews oppose each other, yet it’s obvious they need each other to function.
“I think he wants to fuck you,” Kai says at first, a teasing hint in his voice, though Taehyun knows he is serious. “I don’t think it would be a bad thing. He would be nice about it, and it would definitely be fun. We’ve seen him dance.”
“But I clearly like him more than he likes me,” Taehyun says. “He sees me as a friend that he wants to help. That’s all. I’m like a younger brother to him.”
Kai quiets at this, though the look he gives Taehyun is accusatory.
“I don’t think he’d offer to fuck you as a friend, and I know for a fact he doesn’t see you as a younger brother.” Kai responds. “Besides, he looks at you like he wants to eat you. If it were anyone else, I’d be afraid of them trying to take advantage of you. But with Yeonjun, he just… wants you. Wants to make things good for you.”
Taehyun rolls his eyes, hits Kai with a pillow, but too light for it to actually feel like anything. “He doesn’t want me.”
The stare Kai levels him with makes him squirm.
“Come on, Kai. He doesn’t have feelings for me in the way I have feelings for him.”
“Do you know that for sure? Or have you just convinced yourself that he doesn’t feel that way about you?”
“I don’t need to convince myself, Kai. I already know it. Would you rather I get my hopes up for nothing?”
They are at an impasse that neither of them wants to budge on, neither giving the other any ground. Kai shrugs, “If you think that, fine. Don’t fuck him then.” Except he says it in a way that he knows that Taehyun is going to fuck Yeonjun, despite all of his qualms and complaints about Yeonjun not liking Taehyun in the way Taehyun likes Yeonjun.
“He was being nice,” Taehyun tries to defend himself, though he knows he’s going to say yes, going to let himself fall deeper in love with Yeonjun. With the guy who is just trying to be a good friend to Taehyun.
Kai gets up to leave, has lunch plans with Soobin (which he did invite Taehyun to), pauses. “Good friends don’t offer to have sex with good friends. Would you offer to fuck Beomgyu if he was in this situation?”
When Taehyun shakes his head ‘no’, ready to offer up another excuse, Kai interrupts him before any words can even leave his mouth.
“Exactly. Because you and Beomgyu are only good friends.”
He leaves it at that, saying goodbye to Taehyun, leaving their apartment to eat lunch with his angelic, loving boyfriend.
Taehyun has always wished he could find something as easy as what Soobin and Kai have. There hadn’t been any tension leading into their relationship, they had always wanted each other, had always been there for each other. When Soobin had first asked Kai out, Kai had immediately told Soobin that he liked him back, too. They had been friends for a couple of months before they started to date, but it was so easy for them. So easy for them to admit what they wanted from each other.
They have been dating for a couple of years, now, stuck together like glue or gum pressed to the underside of a table. They rarely get into fights, rarely are mad at each other, because existing in the other’s orbit keeps them happy.
Taehyun wants that, wants the quiet ease of knowing someone that intimately.
It feels grotesque to him– to want something that terribly.
The guilt of jealousy, of looking at Soobin and Kai and having to quell the envy that sprouts in him. He doesn’t know what to do with all of his wants, with all of his desires, has never really known what to make of it.
That night, when his mind is recounting the day, (even though he is trying to forget it) he comes to a decision that he knows he had already made. Realization of something he always knew he was going to do.
One single text is sent to Yeonjun:
I’m down.
—
Taehyun thought that that text would change his life.
It doesn’t, really.
He goes about his normal, day to day life. Yeonjun had responded to his text with a simple ‘okay’ and a smiling emoji, which had made Taehyun insecure. For some reason.
Not that Yeonjun needed to be dying to fuck him, he was just expecting more. That’s his own fault, his own fault for expecting things that weren’t being offered. What was being offered was… Well, he wasn’t entirely sure.
Bottom line is that Yeonjun is offering to fuck him. The older boy isn’t offering to fall in love with Taehyun and be a perfect boyfriend. Yeonjun saw an issue that he could fix and is trying to rectify it. To make Taehyun happy.
Since then, they have talked normally outside of that. Haven't actually talked about the topic of them having sex. Even though it was ever present on Taehyun’s mind, he was honestly trying to get Yeonjun to bring it up first.
But their texts have remained normal. The groupchat they all text in is still getting spammed (mostly by Kai), they were responding in the way they normally do, everything is normal. It is driving Taehyun crazy.
There was a group hang-out planned that night, seeing some movie that Beomgyu had begged them all to go to.
When Taehyun and Kai get to the movie theater, Yeonjun says ‘hello’ in the most normal way ever. As if he hadn’t offered to have sex with Taehyun. As if Taehyun hadn’t agreed.
Taehyun’s stomach lurches when he is with Yeonjun. He doesn’t care that Yeonjun can be completely normal around him, can act like what they’ve agreed to do is normal.
Taehyun files after Soobin in the row of seats they had chosen, only now thinking about how he was going to be seated directly next to Yeonjun. On his other side, Soobin is leaning into Kai, whispering into his ear.
Yeonjun settles in next to him, placing the drink he had gotten in the cupholder between them. “You can have some, if you want,” Yeonjun whispers, directly into Taehyun’s ear. His breath caresses Taehyun’s ear, making him shiver a little. It’s silly that he cares about things like this, that he can feel his heart jump when Yeonjun offers to split the over-sized movie drink that the older boy had gotten.
“Thanks,” Taehyun whispers back, and Yeonjun’s face is still so close to his. Too close. Thank god the lights are dim in the theater, flickering low, because Taehyun swears his face is too red. Yeonjun just smiles back.
The lights dim, fully now, as the movie starts to play.
Taehyun is truly paying attention to the movie when there’s a soft touch on his thigh, a hand being placed there, reaching over the divider that is in between their seats.
Yeonjun’s hand sits on Taehyun’s thigh, almost gripping it but not quite– a reminder that Yeonjun is there. Not that Taehyun would ever need a reminder. When Yeonjun was in a room, that seemed to be all he could think about. All he could focus on.
Yeonjun’s hand is still for a moment.
Then his finger starts to rub small circles onto Taehyun’s thigh, not too much pressure, but still a reminder of his presence. A cause of warmth on Taehyun’s thigh. It makes his head swim. If he were more of a whimsical person, it would give him butterflies. But he’s not like that, too practical, too solemn with his feelings.
Yeonjun’s hand rests there for the duration of the movie.
Taehyun tries to pay attention to the screen in front of him, he really does. But the cause of warmth in his lap is entirely too distracting. It sits in the forefront of his mind like the ink of a tattoo sits on skin. Permanent.
At one point, he feels Soobin’s eyes survey them, notice the way that Yeonjun’s hand is on Taehyun’s thigh, and then promptly give Taehyun a look out of the corner of his eye. Taehyun doesn’t return the look, he pretends he’s too focused on the movie to notice. But he does notice it.
He’s hoping that Soobin doesn’t ask him about it. About whatever casual skinship he and Yeonjun are apparently doing now. About what it meant for them, what it hinted at. He was fine telling Kai– Kai knew Taehyun better than Taehyun knew himself.
But something was stopping him from telling Soobin or Beomgyu. Not that they’d judge him, but he could already hear the teasing tone that filtrates through Beomgyu’s voice. He doesn’t want to hear that. Not about this situation, not about something that feels so delicate to Taehyun.
Soobin must decide that it is none of his business, because his attention goes back to the movie, pretending like he hadn’t seen anything. Soobin was pretty good at that– minding his own Ps and Qs, not sticking his nose into places it wasn’t wanted.
Taehyun figures he’ll ask Kai about it later, and Kai will have to pretend he doesn’t know or lie to Soobin because Kai is loyal.
The movie finishes and Taehyun is saddened at the loss of heat on his thigh when Yeonjun finally retracts his hand. Acts like it’s just another day, like he didn’t just do something that rearranged Taehyun’s brain chemistry. He just shuffles out of the row in front of Taehyun, oblivious to the way that Taehyun’s head is reeling.
On their way out, Yeonjun holds the door open for Taehyun. Taehyun slips out of it, and Yeonjun follows suit. There’s a light touch of a hand on Taehyun’s back, redirecting him, because he had started walking the wrong way. It’s not much more than a slight reorientation, a shift to Taehyun’s path, but it feels like a lot more. Makes Taehyun feel safe. Guided.
Soobin definitely saw that, too, but he looks away when Taehyun looks up at him. Avoids eye contact.
Beomgyu is blabbering about the movie, raving about how good it was, and Kai is attentively listening. Soobin’s the only one who had noticed. Which is good. It helps to quell the unease simmering low in Taehyun.
Yeonjun is all smiles, joining Beomgyu to praise the movie, sending Taehyun a smile that feels like any other time Yeonjun has ever smiled at him. It’s confusing to Taehyun, though he feels a blush spread across his face when he makes eye contact with the older boy.
They still haven’t talked about it.
—
Yeonjun is inside of his apartment. Well, his and Kai’s.
Taehyun is too aware of it.
Yeonjun isn’t even there for Taehyun, necessarily. He’s there because Kai had asked him to help with something that is desperately evading Taehyun’s memory right now. But now, Yeonjun is there, in their apartment. Which isn’t anything new, Yeonjun has been to their apartment a million times before.
Seeing Yeonjun now is just too much, too confusing for Taehyun. They still haven’t talked about it. It’s driving him crazy, he feels like he’s going insane, but he can’t get himself to be the one to bring it up first. It has to be Yeonjun.
Yeonjun has finished helping Kai with whatever Kai needed help with, and reemerges from Kai’s room looking as beautiful and casual as ever. Taehyun isn’t a poetic man, not one for writing love sonnets, but he thinks he could for Yeonjun.
“I have to go now,” Kai says to Yeonjun, following him out of the room to where Taehyun is sitting on the living room couch. “But thank you so much, I really needed the help.”
“No problem,” Yeonjun is saying, leaning into the hug Kai gives him. “I can hang out with Taehyun now.” Kai giggles at this, and Taehyun knows why but he’s hoping Yeonjun doesn’t.
And then Yeonjun is in front of him, smiling his cheekiest smile, like he knows every secret that Taehyun has worked tirelessly to keep bottled up deep inside of himself.
“Bye Taehyun,” Kai says, waving goodbye, before disappearing out of the door of their apartment. Their safe space. That he has now left Yeonjun alone with Taehyun in.
It’s not even enemy territory, it’s Taehyun’s literal home.
Yet he suddenly feels like he has a target on his back. Can’t even trust Kai to stand with him, because he’s just ran out the door like he’s aware of the lack of communication between Yeonjun and Taehyun.
“Hi,” Yeonjun says to Taehyun, settling down across from him. It’s tender, his tone flooded with something that Taehyun wants to label as fondness. But he isn’t too sure. Doesn’t want to overstate his importance. Would hate to get his hopes up.
“Hi,” Taehyun echoes, pulling the blanket around him a little tighter. As if this will protect him from Yeonjun’s dazzling smile or raspy voice.
Yeonjun gets comfortable. Taehyun watches him.
“How are you?” Yeonjun asks, maintaining eye contact that is too much for Taehyun to withstand. He looks away, his eyes flitting around the room, trying to find something to look at that isn’t Yeonjun.
It’s hard, when Yeonjun is the brightest thing in the room.
“Good,” Taehyun is shy and he hates it. Yeonjun is one of his best friends. That he’s going to fuck, apparently. That he may or may not have a crush on. One of his best friends. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” Yeonjun says, slowly. It feels like they’ve never had a conversation before, with the way that Yeonjun pauses before he continues. “We just haven’t talked in a minute.”
What is Taehyun supposed to say to that? He doesn’t know. They had been talking, but not about anything out of the ordinary, not about the elephant in the room. That same elephant is making itself cozy in Taehyun’s living room at the moment. The elephant could move in at this point.
“Yeah,” is what he chooses to say. Yeonjun levels him with a look– like he knows that Taehyun is going to make him work for it.
“I just thought we should… talk about it,” Yeonjun gives in, “It feels like we should plan. Be responsible.”
Taehyun likes this. Likes having set guidelines. Likes rules, adhering to them, knowing what to do because of that. He's normally the responsible one out of their friend group.
“We should,” Taehyun agrees. This makes Yeonjun chuckle, and Taehyun can’t tell if it’s at him or not.
“You have to say what you’re thinking too, Taehyun. Don’t just repeat everything I say.” Yeonjun is being serious, even though his tone is still light, and there’s still a smile on his face.
Taehyun likes that about Yeonjun. That he can still be light with the topic, even if it’s serious. That he’s taking Taehyun at face value, that he’s communicating. Seems like such a silly thing to like about someone, but with Yeonjun, Taehyun isn’t sure there’s anything he doesn’t like.
“Sorry,” Taehyun mumbles, and Yeonjun makes a face, as if Taehyun doesn’t have anything to apologize for. Taehyun isn’t sure he really does, just wasn’t sure what else to say in response to Yeonjun’s meaningful words.
“Don’t apologize, just tell me what’s going on in that pretty mind.”
Taehyun could die on the spot. His brain is overriding everything that he knows. Every social norm, every rule that’s been forced into him throughout his life. It’s all going out the window because Yeonjun just called him pretty. Or called his mind pretty, even though he isn’t sure if there’s a difference to that or not. He hopes there isn’t.
“I-”
The look Yeonjun is giving him, to an outsider, could be seen as love. Taehyun doesn’t want to think about it like that.
“I just wasn’t sure what to say…I don’t have much experience with this,” he feels himself cringe as he voices that, as if Yeonjun isn’t already aware of that fact. “I don’t know what I want, specifically.”
Yeonjun is silent, mulling over the words. He gives Taehyun’s words the respect they deserve, the patience that Taehyun is so desperate for.
“You don’t have to know what you want, specifically. I’m there for that,” Yeonjun tries to play the second part off as a joke, but Taehyun knows he means it. Knows he wouldn’t say if it he wasn’t deadly serious about it. “But we should talk about it before we jump into it. Like, what did you not like? I don’t think we should go in completely blind.”
Taehyun agrees with this, but he can feel his face redden at the question. He knows exactly what he didn’t like about it, yet is afraid to tell Yeonjun. Which is silly, he thinks, because Yeonjun has already agreed to have sex with him. Yeonjun is the one who offered, in the first place.
“You can’t judge me,” slips out of Taehyun’s mouth, and then he immediately regrets it. The look on Yeonjun’s face makes him regret it even more.
“I won’t judge you,” Yeonjun replies, and his mouth is doing that pouty thing that always makes Taehyun want to kiss it. He looks actually– well, hurt, at Taehyun’s comment. “I would never judge you.”
Taehyun feels queasy, can practically feel his heart in his throat. So he decides to move on, because he doesn’t want to linger on the emotions flashing in Yeonjun’s eyes, the pout lining his face.
“Well, it kind of hurt,” Taehyun wishes he could not see Yeonjun’s face right now. “He kind of, rushed into it? Which I didn’t like.”
It looks like Yeonjun is taking mental notes right now, which makes Taehyun blush. He’s looking at Taehyun with a furrow in his brow, his attention solely on the younger boy.
Taehyun must have paused for too long, because Yeonjun is saying, “Go on.”
“And it was over really quick–”
“Did you even get off?” Yeonjun is interrupting, and his tone makes it sound like it’s the most important question of all time. Taehyun cringes.
“No,” he mumbles out, “Then he just collapsed on me, basically.”
“No wonder you didn’t have a good time, he sounds like such a dick.”
Taehyun shrugs, not sure what to say, even if he fullheartedly agrees.
“We’ll just cover basic boundaries,” Yeonjun tacks on to his last sentence. “You just have to promise me that you’ll tell me what you’re really thinking. At all times.”
“I-I will, I promise.”
“Good, we have to be honest with each other. About what you want from me, and how we should go about doing it. I want this to be a good experience for you.”
“I trust you,” Taehyun responds, “You wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.”
Yeonjun laughs, nods, “Obviously, but you still have to tell me what you’re thinking.”
There is one thing Taehyun has been thinking about. Has been tossing and turning about, wondering if it’s a bad idea. Well, the whole thing seems like it’s probably a bad idea, but he can’t seem to get himself to actually care. Not when Yeonjun is being so kind about it, so honest with Taehyun, so intent on making sure that Taehyun is being taken care of.
“Should we– Should we not kiss?” Taehyun asks, and Yeonjun temporarily looks like he’s been shot. Looks genuinely hurt by Taehyun’s question. Taehyun is confused by the reaction. “Since, you know, we’re just friends, wouldn’t it be better to not kiss?”
“Taehyun, we are going to be having sex. That’s infinitely more intimate than kissing,” Yeonjun says with a laugh of disbelief. “Unless you really don’t want to, but. But I want to, I don’t want to have sex with you and not kiss you.”
It almost sounds like Yeonjun is saying he wants to kiss Taehyun. Taehyun’s heart runs with that, though his brain chases after it and tries to stop it.
“Oh, okay,” Taehyun says, “Kissing is fine, then. I–I would want to kiss you, too.”
Yeonjun smiles smugly at this, Taehyun wonders if it’s too late to change his name, move cities, and start a new life.
“That’s settled then.”
The new city is looking more and more appealing by the moment. Maybe Kai would move with him, they could get another apartment together.
“We could just start… slow. We don’t have to rush into anything,” this sounds good to Taehyun, sounds a lot better than whatever he and his ex had done. Yeonjun was good at that– good at making sure that Taehyun is comfortable. “I’ve always seen sex as something fun because you’re learning something new about people, it’s exploratory. We won’t know what you really like or don’t like until we try it.”
Why is Yeonjun so smart? Taehyun figures this is a completely normal stance to have in relation to sex, but Yeonjun says it in a way that makes Taehyun feel so at ease. Feel so understood, seen in a way no one else has seen him before. Calms his anxious nerves.
“Okay,” Taehyun nods, “That sounds good.”
He must sound too wound up, too tightly strung, because Yeonjun tries to alleviate the tension with a joke. “Not trying to jump me right now? I’m kind of disappointed,” which makes Taehyun giggle and smile and burrow a little further into the blanket wrapped around him.
All of a sudden, it feels like Yeonjun is too far away, leagues away even though he’s sitting in a chair directly facing Taehyun.
Taehyun thinks about the joke a little too long, because his mouth is opening of its own accord, and he isn’t sure what’s about to come out.
“We could…” What is he saying? He’s panicking. “I mean,” and he’s looking around the room because Yeonjun’s face is turning into something that he is too afraid to look at. “Not anything like that, but we could…”
Yeonjun’s smile is blindingly fond. It makes Taehyun’s heart jump. “You want to start right now? Wow, Taehyunie, I didn’t think you’d be so eager.”
Even though he’s teasing Taehyun, he’s standing up from where he was sitting, coming to sit next to Taehyun on the couch. Taehyun isn’t sure if he breathes at all while he watches Yeonjun situate himself next to Taehyun.
He can’t get himself to open his mouth and say anything, so instead he offers some of his blanket to Yeonjun. Yeonjun accepts it, gets comfortable next to Taehyun, and Taehyun can feel the heat radiating off of his body. It’s intoxicating.
“What do you want, Taehyun?” It’s close to a whisper, it’s right in Taehyun’s ear, and one of Yeonjun’s hands rests on Taehyun’s leg underneath the blanket.
Taehyun’s ears are bright red, would probably burn him if he touched them right now. The room is spinning or maybe Yeonjun is just too close.
“We could…Just– just kiss me?” It doesn’t come out as confident as Taehyun wants. He isn’t as confident as he wishes he was. He’s getting his wires crossed. He’s asking Yeonjun to kiss him because he wants Yeonjun, not because Yeonjun offered to. And Yeonjun is agreeing to kiss him, and leaning in, closer than they’ve ever been to each other before.
Taehyun is fucked, probably. Because he can’t keep the thought of being physically intimate with Yeonjun apart from his suffocatingly huge crush on Yeonjun.
“You’re thinking too much,” is the last thing that Yeonjun says, before he tilts his face to fit with Taehyun’s, bringing their lips together softly.
Feather light, a press of lips that is barely there, as if he’s asking Taehyun permission. Taehyun thinks he doesn’t need to ask permission, since he was the one who originally asked Yeonjun to kiss him.
It takes Taehyun a second to respond, to realize that Choi Yeonjun is kissing him right now. Yeonjun’s lips are on his. It isn’t a dream that he’s having, it isn’t an imaginary fantasy he’s cooked up in his head.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
No, Yeonjun’s lips are actually on his. He should probably kiss Yeonjun back. Hopes the inner turmoil he just went through isn’t noticeable.
Taehyun starts to apply pressure too, meeting Yeonjun where he is, kissing him back.
All of the fantasies that Taehyun has ever had about kissing Yeonjun were wrong. Completely, wholly wrong. It’s better than Taehyun could have ever expected.
All of the times he’s watched Yeonjun bring a straw to his lips and suck a drink through them, or press a cigarette in between his lips and breathe the smoke in, or bite down on his bottom lip with his teeth. All of those times that he’s watched Yeonjun’s lips, hoping he doesn’t come across as creepy, hoping he doesn’t get caught. None of it matters, now.
None of his wildest fantasies compare to what it is actually like to be kissing Yeonjun.
Yeonjun isn’t harsh with his kisses, isn’t punishing in the way Taeyun’s ex had been. He kisses soft, but with a hidden strength leaking into the kiss. With purpose, almost, as if he’s trying to figure out the best way to kiss Taehyun. Trying to learn what Taehyun likes.
Yeonjun’s lips are a little chapped, a little dry, but Taehyun can’t get himself to care. Yeonjun kisses him with a quiet sort of dominance that Taehyun has never been kissed with before. Like Yeonjun knows he can turn Taehyun to putty.
One of Yeonjun’s hands comes to cup Taehyun’s face, holding him in place, while his tongue runs across the seam of Taehyun’s lips. Taehyun likes this, he thinks, feeling like Yeonjun is in charge. Yeonjun knows what he’s doing, knows how to make it good for Taehyun, and Taehyun should just follow his lead.
Taehyun has always done things on his own. Made decisions by himself, figured things out in his head, never trying to be too reliant on any other person. He’s self sufficient, has prided himself on being so self-sufficient. But this… This is nice.
Letting Yeonjun take the lead, guide him where he needs to be, and Yeonjun seems happy to do so. The older boy bites down on Taehyun’s bottom lip, not too hard, but it still makes Taehyun gasp. Yeonjun sees this as an opportunity, though, because his tongue slips into Taehyun’s mouth.
Yeonjun knows what to do with his tongue. Taehyun feels faint, is suddenly glad he’s sitting down. Yeonjun’s tongue traces his lips, licking into his mouth, mapping Taehyun’s teeth with strokes of his tongue. Taehyun lets him.
His tongue dips further, tangling with Taehyun’s, and it’s wet and warm and Taehyun suddenly feels very hot. Yeonjun’s hand that was cradling his face is now threading through Taehyun’s hair, tilting his head back so that Yeonjun’s tongue has better access to Taehyun’s mouth.
Again, Taehyun lets him.
The fingers threading through his hair tenderly massage his scalp, trying to loosen him up. Taehyun thinks he lets out an embarrassing noise when Yeonjun nips at his lip again, but Yeonjun swallows it. He can feel the way Yeonjun’s smiling into the kiss, so maybe that’s a good thing.
They pull apart for a second, Taehyun letting out a shaky breath when they do so. Having Yeonjun so close muddles his brain, makes his thoughts go haywire. His lips are swollen, glistening with Taehyun’s spit. Taehyun has to think of a math problem so he doesn’t get unbelievably turned on.
“Did you like that?” Yeonjun asks, voice cutting through the air.
Taehyun doesn’t even think he needs to answer that out loud. It’s blaringly obvious. Yeonjun still wants to hear it.
“Yes,” Taehyun says, short and sweet. Yeonjun smiles at that, as if it genuinely made him happy to hear that Taehyun likes kissing him.
“Good. You just have to keep telling me what works for you,” he says, winking at Taehyun. Except, Yeonjun can’t really wink, so he ends up blinking both of his feline eyes at Taehyun. Taehyun is wildly endeared by it, how cute Yeonjun can be.
“That was… good,” Taehyun admits, embarrassed, even though it’s clear Yeonjun liked it too.
“The best kiss of your life, I bet?” Yeonjun teases, and Taehyun can feel himself flush in response. Because yes, it probably was the best kiss of his life. He’s trying to think about any other kisses that could rival the way Yeonjun had kissed him and nothing comes to mind.
Instead of responding, Taehyun surges forward and places another chaste kiss to Yeonjun’s lips.
Yeonjun isn’t expecting it, because he makes a noise of surprise, but quickly recovers. Kisses Taehyun back, in the same innocent way.
This time, when Taehyun pulls back, he can see that the tips of Yeonjun’s ears are red. He feels successful, like he’s accomplished something in making Yeonjun feel flustered in return.
“You’re cute,” Yeonjun remarks, casually, like it’s something he says all the time. Something he thinks all the time.
“Thank you,” Taehyun says, his hands fidgeting with the ends of the blanket. Yeonjun chuckles at his response— but what else was Taehyun supposed to say? It would be rude to not accept the compliment.
There’s a small ‘ding’ from Yeonjun’s phone that dissipates the moment they are both caught up in. Yeonjun grabs his phone from wherever it had ended up, checking the screen.
“Oh, I probably should get going,” he says, his eyes moving from the phone screen to Taehyun’s face. The words don’t make Taehyun very happy, but he chides himself for feeling that way. Yeonjun is his friend who’s doing him a favor, nothing else.
“Okay,” Taehyun says, “Thank you for… that.”
Yeonjun shares that pretty, fond smile of his with Taehyun at this. Like Taehyun is the most precious thing in the world. A dazzling smile, really.
“Of course, Hyunie,” his voice sounds just as fond as his face looks, “Anything for you.”
This makes Taehyun blush, too, because apparently he’s a blushing mess around Yeonjun. Can’t think straight or act right or be normal. He doesn’t know what he’s been reduced to, just knows that it’s entirely Yeonjun’s fault. For kissing him and being so handsome and making Taehyun have such a big crush on him.
Taehyun offers to walk him out, because he’s a gentleman, and when someone kisses him that good, they deserve to be walked to the door. Yeonjun turns back around to face him before he leaves, taking in the sight of Taehyun, whose lips are probably still rosy from their make out session. Yeonjun’s eyes linger on Taehyun’s lips, but he drags them back up to Taehyun’s eyes.
“Have a good night,” Yeonjun says, raising his hand to ruffle Taehyun’s hair further. It feels juvenile, almost, as if Taehyun is being put safely back into the ‘younger friend’ box he is so miserable in. Taehyun accepts it, accepts whatever Yeonjun will give him. "I'll see you around, soon."
When the door shuts behind Taehyun, it feels like all of the light in his apartment has left with the older boy, all of the warm air occupied by Yeonjun turning cold. It feels different.
Lonely.
Fuck.