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"Do you think...do you think I can do that? It wouldn't be wrong or weird, right?" Severus' head turned to Regulus, who's eyes were still on the sky.
"Yeah, I mean, why not? My parents are cousins, so I it's not like I would be anyone to judge" Regulus assured.
They were lying down on the grass behind the local library, looking up at the rare clouds on the sunny sky.
"So it wouldn't be weird if I flirted and everything with my brother?" Severus insisted.
"Why do you keep asking me?" Regulus finally turned to him.
They stared at eachother, blue eyes fixed in black ones, then leaned in and shared an incredibly quick peck of the lips.
Both looked away immediately.
Recently they had hit the puberty and the curiosity over their own bodies and the sexual side of it had grown, bringing them to share quick kisses here and there.
They waited in silence for a while, then finally Severus found the strenght to speak again.
"I'm telling you because...I don't want that, if I go through with it, then something changes between us"
Regulus sighed, then turned to Severus' averted gaze and shook his head.
"Nothing will change, I promise, okay?" he reached over and gently took Severus' hand in his "So do what you have to"
Severus looked at Regulus again and smiled softly.
"You're very understanding. No adult is as mature as you are"
Regulus scrolled his shoulders.
"Don't exagerete. We're thirteen, we haven't met that many adults and our view might be influenced by our age"
"You read too much, you speak all weird" Severus chuckled, then nuzzled to Regulus' side.
"Talks the one" Regulus mumbled, but still wrapped an arm around Severus' shoulders.
They spent the rest of the afternoon there together, just looking at the sky and talking about books, but once it was time for both of them to go back home, the thought that Severus had been trying to avoid thinking about the whole time came back.
Severus had been adopted in the Potter family seven years before, when he was six, gaining with that new parents and an older brother named James.
The boy had known from the start that he had been adopted only because James' best friend, Sirius, died not long before due to an 'accident' that was suspected had been caused by Sirius' parents themselves.
James' parents adopted Severus with the excuse of giving James someone to play with and full the voice in his heart, but the actual reason was that the two adults just wanted to feel less guilty with themselves.
James had warned and insisted with his parents to try and convince them into taking Sirius with them because Sirius' parents were terrible, but James' parents never listened, so when the boy died, they tried to feel better by adopting another kid in a bad family situation: Severus.
That same reason that brought James' parents into adopting him was the reason why James hated him so much.
James couldn't care less for Severus, he wanted Sirius back.
James was ten years old when Severus was adopted, and in the seven years that brought him to be seventeen, he had been nothing but hateful towards Severus.
From pranks, to cruel words, to phisical pain, James did everything to hurt him as much as it was possible.
James' parents never did much to stop him either, always justifying every single action.
That's also how he met Regulus.
Severus was hiding in the library with no intention of going back when Regulus found him.
They had stared at eachother for a while, then Regulus had sat down, offered Severus a book, and they just read together.
Only later, Severus found out that that boy was Sirius' younger brother.
Regulus' life has worsened since Sirius' death because now he had the full attention of those shitty parents on him all the time, and yet Regulus wasn't leaving.
He was gritting his teeth and holding through, so Severus decided to do the same.
Hold through.
They were eachother's comfort.
But something had recently changed in Severus' life.
It happened on accident, it wasn't even planned.
Him and James shared the bedroom, and that day Severus was looking through James' wardrobe looking for his favorite black shirt to wear after the shower he just had.
James often pranked him by hiding his stuff around the house on purpose so it wasn't unusual for Severus to search through James' stuff, but that time he happened to look in the wrong place.
Hidden in the drawers of the wardrobe, under piles of James' underwear, there was not Severus' shirt.
There was a porn collection.
Magazines, videos, pictures and films.
A whole collection.
Severus was shocked.
He was young and impressionable, he couldn't fathom that his older brother would have such thing.
He wondered if their parents knew, but he figured it was unlikable.
He knew he shouldn't, but he was curious, so he reached over and took one of the magazines, looking at the pages.
There were mostly women, Severus figured after a moment, and just very few feminine men, but all very little dressed, showing a lot of skin, even the intimate parts were barely covered.
He didn't find it particularly attractive, but he supposed him and his brother had very different taste when it came to sexual liking.
"What are you doing?" James' voice from behind made Severus jump and drop the magazine like a guilty kid that knew he did something he shouldn't.
James walked over and took the magazine from the floor that had opened at a random page.
"I knew it was too silent" James looked angrily down at the younger boy.
Severus' eyes though were fixed on the page the magazine was opened in James' hand.
It showed a girl with long raven hair and big black eyes, lying on her back and looking at the camera, a pair of black underwear the only cloth on her body, her chest covered with her own arm.
Severus blinked a couple of times, then pointed at it.
"She looks like me"
James frowned.
He looked at the girl, then at the young boy with hair still wet from the shower and only the boxer on.
For a second, there was only confusion in James' eyes as they ran down Severus' body, then he looked away, snapped the magazine close, and slapped Severus a cross the face with it.
"This shit is not for people your age. And don't go through my stuff ever again"
James put the magazine back in place and left the room.
If Severus was a normal kid that grew in a normal environment, he would be hurt for the slap, but Severus was nothing like that.
Instead, all he thought after the experience was that for once James had looked at him with something different than hate and he wanted that to happen again.
He had been unsure about the situation for over a month before finally taking the decision to talk about it to Regulus.
The boy had supported Severus in his choice, Regulus too wanted James to start treating Severus better, so if for that to happen, Severus had to look and act a bit like James' porn magazine and Severus was okay with it, then Regulus wasn't going to stop the boy.
After that, Severus had fully convinced himself.
That night, when he was sure James was out with his friends and their parents were sleeping, Severus took James' collection out again and, equipped with notebook and pen, he studied the porn and wrote down any pattern that came back.
There were a lot of boys wearing skirts and crop tops, innocent looking expressions were on every model, and the most frequent backgrounds included home spaces, often with the little dressed models looking like making dinner or cleaning the house.
The most fondamental thing that Severus understood of James' taste from looking over all that was that clearly it was mostly about people serving and acting as inferior to the watcher.
Severus found that pretty disgusting, but tried his best to not judge.
After having collected enough informations, he took his time to find every single item he might need and waited for the perfect occasion.
Occasion that came a week later.
That Saturday their parents were going out for their anniversary and would surely stay out till late, so Severus figured it would be the perfect occasion to put his plan to good use.
Their parents left in the early afternoon and Severus immediately got to work.
He had hidden a special outfit he bought in a thrift shop in his school backpack to make sure James wouldn't have found it, so he put it on and gently went to knock on the study they had in the house where James liked to do his homework.
"What?" James' annoyed voice came from inside.
"Can I be the one to cook dinner tonight? I have a recepy I want to try" Severus asked without entering, since James hadn't given him permission.
"Do whatever, just don't burn the house" James replied, uninterested.
Severus smiled internally, then quickly rushed to the kitchen and started cooking.
He wasn't the best cook but he often helped Euphemia, James' mother, in the kitchen, and knew how to do some stuff.
He also knew James really liked meat and spicy flavours, so he made his best to put those things together and prepare the best food he could manage.
Once it was ready, he set the table and checked the outfit one last time, then took a deep breath and started the play.
"James, food is ready!" he called.
James took about ten minutes to get down and sit at the table in the dining room, and as soon as he was on his chair, Severus took the tray with the food and brought it to the table.
"Ta dà!" he showed, proud, giving James his most innocent and cute looking expression that he had worked on in front of the mirror.
That confusion that Severus had noticed the first time was back in James' eyes.
The man's gaze ran down over the black crop top and the pale thin nude arms, then down the mini skirt and the milky thin thighs, to the white knee-highs he had on and the simple looking black shoes at the end.
"I hope you'll like the food!" Severus smiled and started serving James a portion.
After, he served a portion to himself too and sat down to eat.
James stared at Severus in silence for a while before managing to find hus voice again.
"What- what are you doing?"
Severus hesitated.
"Eating?" he looked at James, bit his lower lip "Should have I waited for you to eat first? I'm sorry"
He quickly put down his fork and looked at James, waiting for the other to start eating too.
James blinked a couple of times, then shook his head.
"No, that wasn't- I didn't-" he ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together "Sorry. Nevermind"
James finally started eating and Severus did too.
He was secretly very happy right now, because James hadn't had an ounce of hate in his eyes since their gazes had met that evening and Severus couldn't be prouder.
Yes, James looked at him in a weird way now, in a way that Severus couldn't really understand, but at least it wasn't hate, and for Severus that made it good enough.
He could have called it a day and let it be, but Severus wanted more, he wanted even more of that lack of hate in James' eyes, so he didn't let it be.
Once they finished eating, Severus quickly cleaned the table and put the plates in the dishwasher.
He finished right as James was about to go upstairs, and quickly walked to him and held to James' wrist to stop him.
"Wait, James!"
"What?" James rolled his eyes, but his voice lacked his usual venom.
"Stay with me, let's watch a film together! I borrowed a new one from that shop that lets you rent used DVDs"
"Leave me alone, Severus, I want-" James started but froze mid sentence as Severus took out the innocent pleading expression he had practiced on again.
"Please...?" Severus looked up at James.
James' pupils widened slightly and he gulped.
Then he looked away and puffed.
"Fine. Whatever. But don't touch me"
Severus felt the warmth of success in his chest again and led James to the living room.
James sat down on the couch while Severus put the DVD in the DVD player connected to the TV, then took the remote and sat down on the couch, just an ounce too close to James.
"What film is it anyway?" James asked, keeping his gaze on everything except Severus.
"Fifty shades of gray"
James chocked on hair, coughing violently.
"Are you okay??" Severus' eyes widened, his hands reaching over but shoved away by James'.
"Why that film?!"
Severus hesitated.
"The cashier at the store said that it was a popular one" he lied.
James shook his head, ran a hand through his hair, then scrolled his shoulders.
"Fine. Play it. But I doubt you'll like it"
Severus clicked play and it started.
"It's very explicit" he admitted after twenty minutes.
He did take one from the adults' section, but he didn't expect it to be like that.
"A little heavy for your age" James scrolled his shoulders "You probably don't even understand half of the stuff they do"
"Mh" Severus confirmed, then got up, took a notebook and pen, and came back "I should take notes so I can ask Regulus about it"
"No, definitely not" James took away the notebook "Better not have proof that you saw this film or mum and dad will kill me"
Severus chuckled and scrolled his shoulders.
"Then I'll try to remember the things instead"
James nodded and tilted his head as his gaze stayed on the TV.
"Seriously though, Severus, what went on with you today? Why are you acting like that?"
"I just..." Severus considered telling the truth, then decided to lie again "...wanted to try something new. Embrace my femininity. Regulus said I look good"
James rolled his eyes.
"Is Regulus your boyfriend or something?"
"No, he's my friend. He can't be my boyfriend" Severus shook his head.
James looked at the younger boy sat next to him and raised an eyebrow.
"He can't be? Why?"
"Regulus said that relationships can't be like that. Romantic love is a family thing. You know, his parents are cousins and all that"
James blinked a couple of times.
"Regulus told you romantic love is a family thing?" he repeated, confused.
"Yeah. That's why we read books, because only in books love is all different"
"Severus, I'm not sure that-" James started, but then hesitated.
Their eyes met, then James' gaze fell on Severus' thighs again, and something shifted in his gaze.
The film was still on in the background, but neither of them was no longer looking at it.
"Yeah" James confirmed "Regulus is right. Love like that is family"
Severus nodded and scrolled his shoulders.
"Mh, I figured. It's kinda sad"
James stretched, resting an arm on the couch just behind Severus' shoulders but without actually touching them.
"Why is it? Did you like someone?" his voice sounded forced.
"No. But romantic love being a family thing means I'll never get any" James was still looking confused so Severus explained it more "Even if mrs and mr Potter treat me like family, I'm not actually part of it. That means I'll never get to love like that"
Severus met James' gaze.
The older boy looked conflicted, torno apart by his own mind, and when the boy looked away and took a deep breath his eyes changed to mix of guilt, resignation, and acceptance.
"You offend me, Severus" James ley his arm wrap around Severus' shoulders "Do you not consider me your brother?"
Severus blinked surprised, biting his lips.
"I do, but-"
"No buts" James shushed him placing his index finger on Severus' lips "I'm your brother and that's it"
"Okay" Severus nodded, biting his lips, a small smile on his lips.
"What do you have to smile about?" James tilted his head.
"It's the first time" Severus whispered "It's the first time in seven tears that you call us that. Brothers"
"Well, I never realized before how useful brothers can be" James scrolled his shoulders "Especially when as innocent as you"
James couldn't help but think that Severus must really be unlucky to have Regulus as only friend.
It was truly a situation of the blind that leads the blind.
James was wrong for taking advantage of it, but it was just how it was sometimes.
Take a chance when you get one.
"I'm glad that...that you're starting to like me more" Severus smiled happily.
James, with the arm wrapped around Severus' shoulders, pushed Severus to his side, and Severus reacted by nuzzling to James' side happily.
He had never expected it to end so well, but he was happy that James was looking at him with so many different emotions and none of them were hate.
With the excuse of feeling the fabric of the skirt, James placed a hand on Severus' thigh.
"Where did you get this skirt?"
"I bought it in a thrift shop" Severus smiled "Do you like it?"
"Yeah" James nodded, slowly sliding the hand under the skirt.
Severus wasn't sure of how to react feeling James' big warm hand running up his thigh but he decided it was better to not refuse it, if he didn't want to make James hate him again.
"You should really wear skirts more often, they fit-" James froze as his hand, that had dragged up Severus' thigh, brushed on Severus' underwear.
Severus bit his lips, fidgeting slightly with his bracelets.
"Severus" James tilted his head "What are you wearing under this skirt?"
"Uhm..." Severus gulped, then took a deep breath and forced himself to go through with it.
He gently reached and took the hem of the skirt, then slowly raised it and showed James his underwear.
He had bought and wore specifically for the occasion a special pair of red underwear with lace that looked very similar to the ones of the models in the magazines.
James caught his breath, his eyes fixed on the underwear, unable to look away.
Only now, as Severus noticed James' big pupils, he understood what was that emotion he hadn't been able to interprete before: desire.
"Shit, Severus..." James ran a hand through his hair.
"Do you..." Severus whispered "...do you like it?"
"Tell me the truth" James grabbed Severus' chin and forced him to meet his eyes "You dressed like this, did all of this, because you wanted me to fuck you?"
Severus froze.
Fuck?
Severus did it because he hoped to make James like him more, not have sex.
Severus was thirteen, for fuck's sake, he wasn't ready to lose his virginity, especially with his seventeen years old brother!
But again...what if refusing might bring James to hate him again?
Severus didn't want that.
Plus, Regulus himself said that love was within a family, and him and James were family, so maybe it was just like that, James wanted to express his love this way.
So, after thinking it through, he nodded.
"Yes"
"Holy shit, Severus, you're a menace to my sanity" James sighed, shaking his head, but a smirk opened on his lips "I'll fuck you so hard you'll forget everything that isn't my hard cock thrusting in your ass"
Severus gasped, his cheeks immediately growing red.
"James!"
James laughed at that, loving the reaction.
"C'mon, less talking and more fun" he hurried.
He grabbed Severus by the hips and effortlessly moved him to stradale his legs, then too impatient to undress Severus properly he ripped Severus' skirt apart to take it off.
"James, I liked that skirt!" he protested, pouting.
"Well, it didn't have any use anymore. The next time you'll want to turn me on, you can just show yourself naked, and except for that, it had no other use. Or were you planning to wear something so indecent for the eyes of someone else?"
The hint of darkness in James' tone convinced Severus to immediately shook his head.
"No, of course not, but-"
"No buts, baby. I'm your older brother, I decide"
Severus hesitated, then gave in.
"Okay"
James smiled satisfied and ran his hands up and down Severus' thighs.
He slowly leaned in, stopping Severus in place just with his gaze, and united their lips in a kiss.
That kiss was nothing like the ones him and Regulus shared.
It wasn't better or words, just...different.
This kiss was heat, pure hear, James didn't even wait before pushing his tongue in Severus' mouth and exploring it.
Severus felt devoured, smashed under a strong and unbreakable feeling of possession that James was forcing on him.
Their lips kept moving one against the other, James' expert ones against Severus' inexperienced ones.
It was only when Severus was truly finishing the air that he pushed James away, coughing for air.
James laughed again and smiled satisfied, letting Severus take his time to control himself again.
"You truly are the prettiest thing of this world" Jam s smiled.
Severus wasn't sure what he felt for the kiss, but he loved the compliment.
The first time James had ever been kind to him, never in seven years James had said anything that weren't insults before today.
"Don't stop" Severus begged.
He wanted James to not stop being kind to him, James took it as green light to continue exploring Severus' body.
He started from the boy's neck, covering it with kisses, hickeys, and bites covered by licks.
Severus thought he would go crazy, never before he had experienced so many emotions all together.
James ripped off Severus' crop top too and continued his path of kisses lower, all across Severus' chest and abdomen.
His teeth found one of Severus' nipples and started teasing it, biting, licking, twisting it around.
Severus had simply never felt anything like that before, it made no sense, his mind was going completely stupid.
They were so concentrated on the situation that they didn't hear it.
James was too busy playing with Severus' nipples and Severus was too overwhelmed, neither of them heard it.
The footsteps.
The keys.
The front door opening.
They didn't hear it.
But they heard the voice.
"James, what the fuck are you doing?!"
Severus' gaze shot up and James' head turned around with a loud snap.
Standing there, furious and horrified: James' parents.