Chapter Text
[ 2012 - first meeting ]
it wasn't an easy start with taehyung.
the first time taehyung tried to talk to him, yoongi just stared. not rudely, not intentionally. he just couldn't seem to keep up.
the boy was bright just like his red north face jacket he first showed up at the dorms door with. the color irritated his eyes, too loud against the dull hallway lights. he found himself wondering if taehyung was always going to be like that, impossible to ignore.
eventually, taehyung noticed yoongi's silence. his words slowed, then stopped entirely. a small, awkward laugh slipped out of him as he scratched the back of his neck. "ah.. i'm sorry" taehyung squeaked out, eyes dropping to the floor like it suddenly turned into the most interesting thing in the world "i talk a lot when i'm nervous. it's nice to meet you yoongi-hyung."
the silence that followed stretched just a little too long.
maybe it was the irritating headache blooming behind his temples, or maybe it was the bright red north face jacket practically burning a hole in his vision. or maybe it was just taehyung's easy familiarity that rubbed him the wrong way. whatever the reason, the words that left yoongi's mouth came out far sharper than he intended.
"don't act so close to me."
taehyung froze where he stood.
for a second, he looked like he didn't quite process the words. then the meaning settled in, the easy smile he'd been wearing faltered, slipping into something smaller, more uncertain. "oh." taehyung rubbed the back of his neck again. taking a small step back, like he was carefully correcting the distance between them. "right, sorry. sunbae-nim"
across from him, yoongi clicked his tongue underneath his breath. the headache behind his temples pulsed again, dull and relentless. he turned away before he had to look at taehyung any longer, retreating into their small shared living room and pressing his fingers to his temple. taehyung watched yoongi disappear into the living room. for a moment, he just stood there, fingers curled loosely around the strap of his bag. then he let out a small breath and forced a smile to himself, "okay," he murmured quietly, "starting strong."
he learned bits and pieces about taehyung from the others over the next few weeks, mostly things that only made the kid seem stranger the more yoongi heard about him. apparently taehyung had always been like that, loud giggling that came out of nowhere, exaggerated expressions like his face couldn't decide which emotion it wanted to settle on, and a way of talking that made it seem like every thought in his head jumped straight out of his mouth without stopping to ask permission first. yoongi had never met anyone quite like that before, and for the first few weeks he wasn't even sure if any of it was real.
but eventually, hearing about taehyung wasn't the same as seeing him for himself.
yoongi started noticing him everywhere in the practice room. taehyung was loud even when he didn't mean to be, laughing too easily, throwing his whole body into conversations, pulling exaggerated expressions whenever someone teased him. it was impossible not to notice him.
and yet, in between all that noise, yoongi would catch smaller moments too. the way taehyung stayed behind after practice to run through the choreography again. the way he listened carefully whenever the older members spoke, nodding like he was trying to memorize every word.
it was strange.
someone that loud shouldn't have been that serious when nobody was looking. but still, sometimes, yoongi had the strange feeling that taehyung was aware of him watching. not in any obvious way. taehyung never approached him the way he did the others, never pushed himself directly into yoongi's space. but there were small things.
the way his voice got a little louder whenever yoongi was nearby. the way he'd glance over after saying something ridiculous, like he was checking for a reaction that never came. the way he lingered around the practice room a little longer than necessary, even after everyone else had started packing up. like he was waiting for yoongi to say something.
yoongi never did.
most of the time, he just watched from the corner of the room, arms crossed, expression unreadable. taehyung, for some reason, seemed determined to be noticed anyway. it was strange.
at the time, yoongi didn't think much of it. taehyung was just another trainee, loud where yoongi was quiet, bright where yoongi preferred shadows. someone too strange, too different for yoongi to understand. back then, he thought that was all taehyung would ever be. he had no idea he'd end up watching him for the next fifteen years.
[ 2012 - the dorm night ]
the dorm was quiet, the other members were either asleep or out late, leaving only the soft hum of the refrigerator to fill the silence. yoongi was in the kitchen, standing in front of the open fridge, the cold air seeping out to chill his fingertips as he stared down at the plastic container of ramen he had shoved in there earlier and promptly forgotten about. it had gone cold by now, the broth cloudy and unappealing, but at three in the morning he wasn't exactly picky. his mind was still somewhere else entirely, half in the lyrics he'd been rewriting, half in the dull ache running through his shoulders from another day of practice that had gone on far longer than it should have.
behind him, a floorboard creaked.
the sound was soft, careful, like someone was trying not to be heard. yoongi didn't turn around. there were only a few people in the dorm who walked that lightly, and only one of them would still be awake at this hour. sure enough, when yoongi glanced over, it was taehyung. he was standing at the doorway, his silhouette framed by the dim light from the living room. his hair looked slightly rumpled from sleep, as he stood there for a second like he wasn't entirely sure if he should step into the kitchen or not.
yoongi had been dealing with that behavior for months now. taehyung had made it painfully obvious from the beginning that he idolized the rap line, especially yoongi, trailing after them during practice like some overeager puppy who hadn't yet realized he wans't actually part of the pack. it should have been irritating, sometimes it was. but the kid also had this ridiculous face that made it difficult to tell him to get lost without feeling like you'd just kicked something harmless.
"can't sleep sunbae-nim?" taehyung's soft voice is barely above a whisper, yet it seems to fill the small kitchen. there's a slight tremor in his voice, a small hint of nervousness that yoongi doesn't acknowledge. yoongi closed the fridge door slowly before turning around, the dull thud echoing faintly through the room.
for a moment neither of them spoke.
yoongi let his eyes settle on him, steady and unreadable, taking in the way taehyung lingered in the doorway instead of stepping furher inside. his movements slow and deliberate as taehyung held his gaze for a second before shifting his weight. "do you need anything, taehyung?" yoongi's voice is flat, devoid of any emotions. the kind of tone that sounded less like a question and more like a quiet dismissal. this made taehyung pause in the doorway. it wasn't the words that made him hesistate, but rather because of the distance between them. not taehyung-ah, not even kid. just his name, neat and distant, like the invisible reminder that yoongi was still his senior and this wasn't the kind of relationship where you hovered over people in kitchens at three in the morning.
taehyung rubbed the sleeve of his hoodie between his fingers before answering "i just .. couldn't sleep, sunbae-nim" the honorific sounded awkwardly careful in his mouth. he glanced toward the ramen on the counter before looking back up again, his expression softening with something that looks suspiciously like concern, "you seem tired recently", he added quietly.
yoongi didn't answer immediately. for a moment he just stood there, one hand resting against the edge of the counter, watching taehyung like he was trying to decide what to do with the comment. the kitchen felt smaller somehow under that quiet scruntiny. "you're paying a lot of attention," he replied at last. deciding to turn his attention back to the cold ramen he took out of the fridge earlier. the plastic lid came off with a quiet snap as yoongi sets it aside, his movements slow and deliberate, like the conversation didn't require much of his focus. the chopsticks moved lazily through the noodles, though he didn't actually take a bite yet.
taehyung didn't leave.
the kid shiften slightly in the doorway, shoulders relaxing just enough that yoongi could tell he'd taken the lack of dismissal as permission to keep standing there. his fingers were still caught in the sleeve of his hoodie, twisting the fabric nervously.
"i didn't mean it like that," taehyung said quietly. "i just .. see you working a lot lately."
yoongi didn't respond, which only encouraged him. "you stay in the studio late," taehyung continued, voice soft but steadying as he spoke "and when you come back you're still writing or practicing."
yoongi leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms loosely as he watched him. the kitchen light was dim, barely enough to light the small space between them, but it was enough for him to see the way taehyung keeps fiddling with the cuff of his sleve between his finger.
"you notice alot," yoongi said slowly. his voice wasn't raised, but there was a deliberate weight to the words now, the kind that made taehyung look up instintively. yoongi held his gaze for a moment longer than necessary before continuing, "for someone who should be asleep."
taehyung stilled under the attention, the nervous movement of his hands stopping as if he had just realized how closely he was being watched. for a second he didn't answer at all, standing in the doorway with that uncertain posture, half turned towards the hallway like escape was still an option.
"i couldn't sleep," he replied eventually, quieter this time.
yoongi's gaze didn't leave him.
the answer wasn't suprising, none of them slept properly these days, but the way taehyung said it made it sound like an excuse rather than an explanation, like he was trying to justify why he had ended up standing here watching yoongi in the middle of the night.
"really?" yoongi pushed himself off the counter, closing the small distance between them by a few step. he didn't move close enough to crowd him, but it was near enough that taehyung straightened up instinctively. "if you can't sleep" yoongi said, his tone calm in that same unhurried way that somehow made it worse, "that doesn't explain why you're standing in the kitchen watching me."
taehyung's fingers tightened slightly around his sleeve again. "i wasn't-" he started, then hesistated, clearly realizing the denial wouldn't sound very convincing. instead, he exhaled quietly and looked down, conceding the point without arguing further. the silence that followed stretched just long enough to feel uncomfortable. yoongi still watching him with that steady, evaluating expression.
"then go to bed." yoongi said finally.
the words were spoken lightly, almost casually, but there was a certain firmness behind it that made the words feel less like advice and more like a quiet order.
by the time taehyung finally went back to his room, the dorm had gone completely quiet again. he lay on his back staring at the ceiling, the thin blanket twisted around his legs where he'd kicked it aside. sleep still refused to come. it rarely did on nights like this, when his thoughts refused to slow down. lately his brain had developed a habit of replaying conversations long after they were over, picking through them like there might be something hidden in the spaces between the words.
tonight it was yoongi.
not that the interactions had even been long enough to qualify as a conversation. yoongi had barely said anything before sending him back to bed, looking midly annoyed by taehyung's existence in the kitchen. still, taehyung kept playing the moment over in his head anyways.
the way yoongi had looked at him. the way his voice had gone quiet and deliberate when he said you notice a lot.
taehyung pressed his face briefly into the pillow, groaning softly at himself. maybe he was that obvious. he had never been particularly good at pretending he wasn't interested in people he admired, and yoongi was very much one of those people. but it wasn't just admiration, though. taehyung had been around the other trainees long enough to know that yoongi was difficult in ways that had nothing to do with being mean. he kept to himself more than most of them, worked longer hours than anyone else in the group, and somehow managed to look bored even while producing verses that made other trainees stare at him like he had just performed a magic trick.
taehyung didn't understand him yet. but he wanted to. and unfortunately for yoongi, curiousity was one of taehyung's more stubborn qualities.
across the dorm, yoongi was still sitting in the kitchen with the untouched bowl of ramen in front of him.
the noodles he had just heated up had already gone lukewarm by the time he remembered to take a bite. this was mildly annoying, but not nearly as annoying as the fact that he kept thinking about the kid that he had just sent back to bed. taehyung had a strange talent for lingering in people's mind long after he physically left the room, which yoongi suspected was partly due to that ridiculous face of his.
someone who looked like that had no business wandering around the dorm in the oversized hoodie at three in the morning looking like a kicked puppy. it made telling him to go away far more inconvenient than it should have been.
yoongi tapped his chopsticks absently against the edge of the bowl, frowning slightly at the faint sound.
the kid paid too much attention. that was the problem.
taehyung had been doing it since the beginning, showing up during rap line practices he technically had no reason to attend, bouncing along to yoongi's verses like the understood the structure of them, praising things yoongi was fairly certain he hadn't even mean for anyone else to notice. it was a strange behavior. especially from someone who, if yoongi was being brutally honest, was impressively terrible at rapping himself.
still.
yoongi leaned back in his chair, staring down at the cooling ramen like it had personally offended him. most trainees in taehyung's position were busy trying to impress the people who actually mattered in the company. producers. trainers. bang pd. not hovering around yoongi's workspace at odd hours during the night commenting on whether he looked tired.
which meant one of two things.
either taehyung was incredibly stupid. or he had decided, for reasons yoongi couldn't quite figure out yet, that yoongi was worth paying attention to. yoongi clicked his tongue softly at the thought and pushed the bowl away from him, midly irritated by the direction his brain has taken. whatever strange fixation the kid had going on was none of his business, and it certainly wasn't something he needed to start thinking about at three in the morning.
still, as he sat there alone in the quiet kitchen, he found himself remembering the way taehyung had stood in the doorway earlier, like he wasn't sure if he was allowed to come any closer.
the image lingered longer than it should have.
yoongi frowned faintly and reached for his notebook again. deciding it was probably safer to focus on lyrics instead of whatever that had been.