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One more hour. At least that’s what Connor has been telling himself. He lucked out on being able to skip the red carpet, but the conversations with the cast and other celebrities alike have been exhausting. He had just got over back to back features on SNL and the Actor Awards, and he’s more than ready for a break.
It hit him even harder knowing he was doing this without Hudson. In retrospect, he knows it sounds crazy – borderline pathetic even. Hudson took the initiative to drop what he was doing to make a guest appearance on SNL, and god was he thankful for that. He wasn’t sure how he was going to do that alone, not something that big. That’s why he feels insane now. This is a simple award show, something he’s done alone before, yet he can’t stop bouncing his leg and playing with his jewelry knowing Hudson isn’t by his side.
The absence feels physical just as much as it does emotional. The space next to him that would normally be taken up by Hudson seems to match the emptiness he feels in his chest without him there. Connor tries to tell himself that he can handle a simple fucking award show, but his heart is beating in a way that almost feels wrong.
Hudson is in Canada working on his next project and couldn’t make it. Connor understood that 100%, he knows how deep Hudson’s dedication runs; it’s one of the things he loves most about him. But fuck, he felt more alone than ever right now. Exposed. It’s almost like he’d forgotten how to exist in these kinds of spaces without Hudson cracking an inappropriate joke, or putting his hand on his thigh when he saw Connor was getting overstimulated.
He felt someone tap his shoulder and the second he turned around, he fought the urge to roll his eyes. His gaze hits Francois’ and he sighed to himself. This is why he needed Hudson, he thought to himself.
For a while, he and Francois got close. He wasn’t necessarily looking for anything serious, but to be fair, neither was Francois. They went on dates, hooked up, but it was never enough. Connor had no idea why – or maybe he did and he wasn’t ready to confront that just yet. Francois, realistically, was exactly the type of guy he usually would go for. In the past, men like him would make him nervous, make his heart race, but it didn’t. It never did. Deep down, there was another hidden reason why it didn’t work out, but Connor wasn’t ready to admit that. He wasn’t ready to admit that every time Francois kissed him, Connor found himself wishing it was someone else’s mouth. Hands. Everything.
“Hi Connor.” Francois had his arms out for a hug, waiting for Connor to reciprocate. He did, but it was so awkward. He was tense knowing the last time they spoke was an argument over why Hudson was joining him on SNL, but Francois didn’t get as much as an invite. Connor’s stomach turned at the memory. Francois had made it seem like Hudson wasn’t as important as he was, as if Connor was being unreasonable for wanting to have his best friend there.
“Hey Francois, good to see you again.”
They engaged in a casual conversation with Robbie and Jacob slipping in (thank God). They discussed excitement for August to come and filming to start, but Connor’s attention slowly started to dissipate. This was all until someone said Hudson’s name. Connor’s head snapped up faster than it probably should’ve. He can’t help how he feels when he hears Hudson’s name. The quickening pace of his heart rate, the butterflies in his stomach, the instant euphoria he feels. He feels he should start questioning the way his entire body responds to the sound of someone saying his name alone.
“He was trying to make it work but you guys know how demanding filming can get.” Jacob shared. Connor let a sad smile enter his face, trying to hide the disappointment that felt too revealing.
“He would’ve made this a party, I'll tell you that.” Connor replied, and it was true. Hudson managed to make the room feel lighter, something that might be overwhelming was suddenly bearable. Everyone let out a laugh and agreed before the topic shifted from his best friend, and Connor no longer wanted to talk. Despite the conversation continuing around him, he found the familiar loneliness settling back over his shoulders and weighing him down again.
When he noticed the other three talking more, he stepped away and checked his phone. He couldn’t control the soft smile pulling at his lips when he saw the text on his screen.
Huddy (Shane)❤️: hi baby how’s it going?
He loves the idea of Hudson knowing he needed to be checked on. They know each other so well that Hudson is fully aware being here is likely to spike his anxiety, especially after he helped him talk through everything going on with Francois. He responded, and not even a minute later, Hudson shot back another response.
Connor: i’m so exhausted hud it’s not even funny
And then in a separate text:
i wish you were here
His thumb hovered over the send button for a moment. It felt incredibly vulnerable, and although he knew he could be honest with Hudson, it still made him nervous. He still found himself hitting send. Hudson replied in seconds.
Huddy (Shane)❤️: i know :( i tried so hard to make it work i really did. i’m so sorry
Connor knew this. He and Hudson had FaceTimed yesterday talking about the potential, but it just couldn’t work. He had no right to be upset about it, it’s not like Hudson was his boyfriend. The thought made his chest hurt in a way he wasn’t expecting. He’s not his boyfriend. But he was his best friend, his emotional support person, someone who just knows his limits and knows how to be there for him. Someone who felt like home in a way that made Connor feel both terrified and satisfied all at once.
Connor: it’s not your fault please don’t apologize
i think i honestly might skip the afterparty
Huddy (Shane)❤️: nooooo
you deserve to have some fun after everything you’ve been busy doing
go drink and dance. take a couple shots and kiss some people for me
Connor laughed to himself and sent a reaction to the last text Hudson had sent. He couldn’t help but think about Hudson telling him to kiss people for him, and how he instantly thought of his lips. The way they were so perfectly shaped, the slight upturn when he smirks, and the way his teeth shine through when he smiles. He knew if Hudson had come, he’d be everywhere with everyone; he’s such a people person, and Connor has no idea how he does it. How Hudson manages to make it look so easy to be loved by everyone. This thought sends a jolt of pain through Connor’s chest, because in his head, he can barely figure out how to be loved by one person.
Connor put his phone in his pocket and paid attention to Amber Glenn, who was announcing the award Heated Rivalry was nominated for. Once he heard the name of his show be announced, Connor’s smile grew and he began hugging his castmates and walking toward the stage.
They all stood up there listening to Jacob’s speech, and Connor tried to smile along with what he was saying but couldn’t shake the thought that Hudson should be up there standing with them. He deserved to be there to accept this award just as much as the rest of them. Hudson had put so much time and dedication into perfecting Shane’s character, that Connor is convinced he became a better actor just by working alongside him.
As Jacob wrapped up, they walked back down to their seats and accepted the congratulations from everyone along the way. Once he sat down, he pulled his phone out to text Hudson, but saw that he already beat him to it.
Huddy (Shane)❤️: WE DID IT BABY!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS CONNIE!!!!!!
god i wish i was there with you
you look so good
His breath caught in his throat at the last text. They compliment each other all the time, so this shouldn’t be any different. But Connor can’t seem to ignore the feeling in his stomach at Hudson’s words. He was terrified, but felt his stomach fluttering at the same time. He sighed before returning to his phone, a slight tremble in his fingers as he typed his response.
Connor: you say that all the time
Huddy (Shane)❤️: and yet every single time
i’m always right
Connor’s breath stuttered again. If he knew any better, he’d think Hudson is flirting with him, but that can’t be it. Can it? Maybe Connor is reading too deeply into things because he knows deep down, he desperately wants them to mean something more. He grabs his drink from the table and downs the remainder of it, searching for an ounce of courage to respond.
He gets pulled aside by Christina and engages in a conversation, somehow revolving around Hudson. It’s interesting how no matter what the context, talking about Hudson is the easiest thing he’s ever done. His words come out involuntarily, like talking about Hudson is the equivalent of being able to breathe. He barely notices someone handing him another drink until he looks down and the second glass is empty. It’s not until then he decides to respond.
Connor: try saying that when you’re not over a thousand miles away
He almost regretted hitting send. Had he taken it too far? Would Hudson feel weird? The sudden feeling of anxiety raced through his body immediately. He had to put his phone down and keep himself occupied. He turned over to converse with Robbie some more trying to forget about his racing thoughts, but they wouldn’t stop. What if he thinks I’m being weird? He glances at his phone and notices Hudson still hasn’t responded. Five more minutes pass and there still is no response.
Then ten.
Then twenty.
Then thirty.
Fuck. Connor really fucked this up because he misread Hudson’s tone. He felt the panic continue to build in his chest that made it hard to breathe. As much as Connor didn’t want to go to the afterparty, his mind was quickly being changed over the need to forget about this. To forget about the possibility that he might’ve just fucked up the one friendship he can’t lose. The one person who matters to him more than anyone else.
***
Connor pulls up to the afterparty in the same car as the cast, being rushed inside by security through the screaming fans and flashing cameras. Connor finds his way over to the bar immediately and orders a tequila soda. Jacob walks over and smacks Connor on the shoulder. He turns around and sees the rest of the cast behind him.
“I think congratulations are in order for everyone. Want to do shots with everyone?” Jacob asked.
Connor wanted to say no. Normally on a night where he didn’t want to indulge and was yearning to go home, he would say no. But he is full of regret and fear over his actions that he was quick to say yes. He figured maybe if he drinks enough, his response (and lack thereof from Hudson) would stop replaying in his mind. He threw back a shot with everyone, which quickly became two. Then three. Then four. He was already feeling buzzed from his previous drinks, that he knew these would hit him soon. He walked away and grabbed his phone from his pocket. Still nothing. He closed his eyes and let out a loud sigh before talking with the crowd around him, pretending his heart wasn’t sinking more and more with every passing minute. Mid conversation, he noticed Francois walking over, and his stomach dropped.
“What’s going on here?” He said with a smile, putting his arm around Connor’s shoulder.
Connor tensed up. It was almost involuntary, but he couldn’t help it. He doesn’t understand how he could make things appear “normal” when the last time they spoke was during an argument.
“You didn’t miss much, but I was actually going to step outside for a smoke. Excuse me.”
Connor put on a weak smile and removed himself from Francois’ partial embrace, walking toward the exit. The cold air rushed over his face when he stepped outside, quick to satisfy how overheated he had felt.
He pulled the box of cigarettes and the lighter out of his pocket and lit one, inhaling the smoke and closing his eyes to embrace the feeling of the burn hitting his lungs. He held the cigarette in one hand and pulled his phone out with the other, still lacking a response from Hudson. He started typing in another message.
Did I do something wrong?
He let out a pitiful laugh and backspaced. This is stupid. He’s being ridiculous. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and leaned against the wall, taking another pull of the cigarette. It wasn’t until now that he noticed he hadn't stopped fidgeting with the ring on his finger. He looked down at it and couldn’t help but smile, even with the overwhelming ache in his chest.
It was the evil eye ring that Hudson had given him when they reunited at SNL. He closed his eyes and put his head back against the stone behind him, remembering the interaction when it happened.
“Huddy, are you sure? You always wear this. I couldn’t take it from you.”
“Of course I’m sure, baby. If I’m right, being gifted this in good nature adds to the protection. I know how stressed you’ve been, and how overwhelming the industry can be. I want you to know that something is always watching over you. That I’m always here with you.”
Connor’s throat tightened. He missed the tenderness in Hudson’s voice. He was always so gentle, so caring, something Connor never got to experience from someone before.
He wished more than anything that Hudson was here right now. The alcohol was running through his veins, the smoke still lingering in his lungs, and he’s alone. Completely and utterly alone. He finished his cigarette and stepped on it before returning inside. He walked back to the bar to get another drink.
One more, and then I’m leaving, he told himself.
He started sipping it and turned around, pressing his back to the counter. He began scanning the crowd, trying to figure out an exit plan. He was curious to know how long he needed to stay before he could leave without risking anyone asking questions.
“You okay?”
Francois.
Connor took a deep breath. He has been trying to avoid conversing with him all night. He felt tired, and knew that he would have to fake his way through a conversation with him. But with the alcohol he had just consumed, he had newfound courage to obtain the space he needed.
“Honestly Francois, I really don’t think we should talk right now.”
“Is this still about SNL?” he asked
Connor scoffed in response. Still? The humorous look on Francois’ face filled him with rage. He was brushing off their argument as if it had meant nothing. As if his words didn’t hit him deeper than they should’ve, blatantly talking down on his best friend.
“Yes Francois. It is. You completely disrespected my best friend, someone who you should also be friends with. It’s not cool. I just need some space for now. Please.”
Francois kept speaking, but Connor wasn’t listening. He found himself completely zoning him out, trying to fight the urge to completely lash out. He was looking out at the crowd of people trying to breathe through his feelings when he completely froze.
His eyes meet someone’s gaze. Hudson’s.
His breath caught in his throat at the sight of his smile. Hudson’s lips quirked up in his signature smirk, taking long, but slow strides toward Connor.
Connor still stood frozen. He blinked quick, wondering if the alcohol was making him see things that weren’t there. Wondering if he wanted this so badly that his mind was playing tricks on him. That was until Hudson was standing right in front of him. Solid, real, and here.
“What? Are you just going to stand and stare? C’mon Storrie, that’s all I get?” Hudson said in a smug, bratty tone.
Connor can’t help the smile that reached both his ears. Relief flooded through him as he grabbed Hudson’s arm and pulled him into a hug. He shoved his face in the crook of Hudson’s neck, smelling his cologne and feeling the warmth that filled his chest with a feeling he can’t describe. But if he could, he would call it home.
“Oh my God. You’re here. You’re actually here.” Connor said so low it was almost a whisper, his voice slightly cracking. He felt the vibration of Hudson’s laugh, a feeling that started melting away all the anxiety he has been feeling since he got here. The two of them pulled away and looked over at Francois who was awkwardly standing to the right of Connor.
“Hudson, so glad you could make it.” Francois smiled, pulling Hudson into a hug. Hudson looked between Francois and Connor briefly, but enough for Connor to notice he was concerned. Connor gave him a soft smile, signaling that he was okay.
“Good to see you bud.” Hudson replied, returning the hug. Soon after that Francois walked away leaving Connor and Hudson alone.
“What was that about?” Hudson tried to hold back a laugh.
“I don’t even want to talk about it. I shut it down so fucking fast right before you got here.” Connor breathed out a laugh in return. They stood in a brief, comfortable silence, just looking at each other, before Connor continued.
“I thought you were mad at me.”
Hudson furrowed his eyebrows, almost offended by the statement. He was looking at Connor as if the sole idea of him being mad at him was insane.
“Mad? What the hell are you on about?” Connor couldn’t help but to blush at his response. He was realizing how much he had been overreacting all night.
“God I’m so fucking stupid.” Connor laughed in a self-deprecating manner. “I genuinely thought I scared you away with my text.”
Hudson scoffed and pulled out his phone. He hadn’t even read it yet. He looked up at Connor through his lashes and smirked, letting out a low chuckle.
“Connor. Are you so serious right now? We have done much worse on set.”
“Oh my God Huddy shut up please. I know I’m dramatic. Plus doing things when we’re acting is much different.” Connor could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, and the alcohol definitely wasn’t helping. Acting was different. It was safe and scripted, something that Connor was able to pretend didn’t mean anything. This whole night, all of his feelings, it all felt too real. Hudson was fighting a laugh, Connor could tell. Hudson pulled him into another hug and rubbed his back gently. Connor gently sunk into the hug and let himself be held by his best friend.
“I could never get mad at you, Connie.” He whispered in his ear. Connor’s breath hitched at the feeling of his breath hitting his neck. He felt so comfortable here, he never wanted to let go but he knew he had to. He heard someone from behind him shout, “Hudson Williams, no fucking way.” He saw Jacob and Robbie walking toward the two of them. Connor stepped away and let the others greet him, feeling an uncomfortable pit in his stomach.
Was he jealous?
He’s not yours. Get a fucking grip, Connor thought to himself. There was a part of him that was beginning to recognize that for the past few months, he had been trying to ignore the fact that he wanted Hudson to be his. So badly it physically pained him sometimes. He stood beside everyone sipping on his drink, not interested in inserting himself into the conversation. During the next five minutes, his eyes meet Hudson’s multiple times and holds his gaze, his heartrate spiking.
When everyone starts to disperse, Hudson is back at his side ordering a drink. Connor almost felt like he could breathe again.
“Now that I’m here to keep you company, it’s only right you treat us to some shots.”
Connor couldn’t help but laugh, yet still was quick to order them.
Him and Hudson sat at the bar catching up, as if they hadn’t just seen each other five days ago. This is always what Connor looks forward to. Sitting with his person, talking about everything yet nothing at all. The way their knees gently brush each other under the bar, but neither of them making an effort to move away. He couldn’t help but notice Hudson slightly fidgeting in his chair.
“You good? You don’t have to stay here the whole night, Huddy.”
Hudson laughed in response, and was about to say something, but the both of them paused when they heard ‘Like a Prayer’ by Madonna come on. They looked at each other, a mischievous smile growing on Hudson’s face.
“No. Nope. Absolutely not.” Connor immediately exclaimed. He knew he would give in, but it was worth a shot to try.
“Oh absolutely. Get your ass up.” Hudson pulled Connor to his feet and brought him into the crowd. Connor is laughing the entire way until they’re in the middle of everyone. The two of them are dancing like idiots, twirling each other around, singing the lyrics loud. They probably sounded god awful, but neither of them cared. It was like they were the only two in the room. Both Hudson and Connor embraced the immediate feeling of pure joy.
The song ended and they were both laughing hard into each other’s shoulders. Connor was planning on walking away, but ‘Bad Romance’ by Lady Gaga came on and he was already there, he couldn’t stop now. He was finally having fun, so he decided why not continue to indulge?
Again, they started singing and dancing throughout the song until a specific part came on. Hudson drunkenly pulled on Connor’s hand and stared at him before singing the next line:
“I want your love
and I want your revenge
I want your love
I don’t want to be friends”
Connor was mesmerized. Hudson’s brown eyes, slightly hooded, staring into Connor’s as they slowed their movements. The lyrics almost felt pointed. Intentional. Connor’s heart was hammering in his chest; he was sure Hudson could feel it. Connor sang the next part in French:
“Je veux ton amour
Et je veux ta revanche
Je veux ton amour
I don't wanna be friends”
At this point, Connor had his hands on Hudson’s waist, with Hudson’s hands wrapped around his neck, gently playing with his curls. This felt intimate. Different. Different than the scripted kisses when they were filming. Different from them holding hands while walking down the street. Different from their late night facetimes. Connor has no idea what to make of this, but he knows he doesn’t want it to stop.
Hudson slowly brought his hand from the back of his neck to Connor’s cheek, using his thumb to slowly rub the stubble that had been growing out. The touch was so tender it made Connor’s heart race. He forgot they were in public, to which this realization made him pull away. Hudson gave him a confused look, but didn’t press him.
“Not here.” Connor whispered.
Not here, but somewhere. Not here, but yes. Please don’t think I don’t want this. I want this so badly.
“I know baby, it’s okay.” Hudson replied. They both stood there in each other’s arms, soaking themselves in the feeling of finally being together again.
Hudson spoke again. “Do you want to come back to my hotel?”
Connor froze. What did this mean? Are they going to hang out? Stay up all night talking like they usually do? Does Hudson want more? Does Connor want more? He knows the answer, but he’s still too terrified to admit it.
It was almost as if Hudson could see the thoughts racing through his mind. He grabbed Connor’s hand and rubbed slow, gentle circles over the top. This always grounded him. Brought him back to the present.
“You don’t have to baby, I just missed you. And I’m getting the idea that you missed me too.”
Connor couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on his face.
“Oh are you? What makes you so sure?”
Hudson leaned in, his lips brushing the pulse on Connor’s neck, his breath warm and addictive. Connor’s whole body went rigid.
“I can feel your heart racing,” his lips still grazing his neck, “right here. It’s been doing that since I walked into the room.”
Connor let out a quiet laugh, trying to stabilize how shaky he knows it sounds. His fingers gripped Hudson’s jacket tighter, like if he let go he would disappear.
“That doesn’t mean anything.” he murmured, but both of them knew it was a lie.
“No?” Hudson replied softly. He was teasing him, knowing it would get under Connor’s skin.
Connor shook his head, staring directly into Hudson’s eyes. “Maybe I’m surprised you actually showed up.”
Hudson’s hand slid to Connor’s waist, gripping with the same strength Connor has on his jacket. Hard enough that it could leave a bruise. For a brief moment, Connor hoped it would. He wanted proof that this was real. That all of this was actually happening.
“Please,” Hudson replied with a grin, “you know I can’t stay away from you for that long.”
“You were supposed to be over a thousand miles away.”
This response only made Hudson’s smile grow bigger. “I know, that was until I decided I’d rather see you.”
He said it as if it was nothing, as if this was something he would do at any given moment. Connor tugged his lip between his teeth, fighting a smile. He leaned into Hudson, copying his move from before, except his teeth slightly grazed his neck.
“Take me to your hotel then.”
Hudson looked up at him with everything but innocence in his eyes. He grabbed Connor’s hand and brought him toward the front where they waited for his car to pull up.
When they were outside waiting, Connor pulled out his box of cigarettes and offered one to Hudson.
“Wanna share?” he asked.
Connor nodded briefly, taking a cigarette out and putting it to his lips, lighting it and inhaling it deeply. He hands it over to Hudson, him doing the same. The two of them were standing outside against the wall in silence, obvious tension taunting them.
Connor turned his head slightly to look at Hudson, watching him put the filter to his lips and drag the smoke in deeply. Hudson looked over, pushing off the wall to stand directly in front of Connor. He got close. So close the heat was radiating between them. Hudson held the cigarette to Connor’s lips, the two of them not breaking eye contact once. Connor inhaled slowly, pulling away and blowing the smoke softly in Hudson’s face. Hudson closed his eyes and inhaled, wishing more than anything he was able to put his mouth just a few inches closer, and breathe the smoke in directly from Connor’s lips.
Just when Hudson debated doing just that, his car pulled up. He grabbed Connor’s hand and started pulling him over to the waiting vehicle.
Connor’s hand was sweating, and he was praying Hudson couldn’t feel it. Once they got in the car, they stared at each other, the tension between them growing thicker as the car drove. The air was charged, like at any given moment, one of them was going to break.
Connor hears Hudson mumble quietly.
“Fuck it.” Before he leans over and crashes his lips onto Connor’s.
The kiss punches the air from Connor’s lungs. He let out a soft moan as his lips moved aggressively against Hudson’s, months of pure want and need pouring into this moment. He grabbed his face, hands tangling in Hudson’s hair. He grips tightly, using his hair to pull him away and stare at him. He needed to see Hudson’s face, and god was it a sight. His eyelids were heavy and his breathing was uneven. Connor moved back in, this time connecting his lips to Hudson’s neck. He placed wet, open mouth kisses down to his collarbone.
Hudson let out a quiet whimper. This noise alone made Connor hard. He was aching in his pants, his cock begging for release. He bit down on Hudson’s collarbone, hard enough for Hudson to moan in his ear, but not enough to leave a mark. Not yet anyway.
“God, you’re so needy.” Connor growled in his ear. He meant it as a tease, but he sounded as if he was in awe. Hudson whimpered in response, nodding his head aggressively.
“Need you so fucking bad.” Hudson replied. Connor grunted in response, his mouth smashing against Hudson’s again. It was urgent, more teeth than should be comfortable, but they didn’t care. They were desperate. Hungry for each other in a way they have been ignoring for months.
Connor moved his hand from Hudson’s face down his neck, to his chest, until he met where Hudson needed him most. He was so hard, his cock straining against his pants. They were both so gone for each other. Connor felt a rush of power knowing that he could make Hudson feel like this. That Hudson wanted him this badly.
His hand slid over the tent in Hudson’s pants, palming at his growing erection.
“Oh my fucking God.” Hudson moaned. They were being louder than they probably should be, considering there was someone else driving the car. Neither of them cared. All Connor could focus on was the way Hudson was falling apart under his touch, trying to memorize every sound Hudson made.
“You like that? Look at you, so desperate for me to touch you. It’s pathetic.” Hudson moaned even louder at this response. This was his first time hearing Connor speak to him like this, but he didn’t want it to be the last. Knowing that Hudson liked this, liked being spoken to like this, only made Connor want more.
They quickly pulled apart as they felt the car slow down in front of Hudson’s hotel, both of them adjusting themselves and attempting to straighten up, noticing fans and cameras outside. There weren't a lot of people, but they didn’t need any more speculation about them going around.
They stepped out of the opposite side, smiling and waving at everyone with urgency, not making a plan to stop. They make it inside and walk to the elevator. For some reason, it felt like hours for it to reach the lobby. Connor felt his hands shaking and his heart pounding. He felt both nervous as hell and exhilarated all at once.
Once the doors opened, they both stepped in, grateful that no one else had joined to go up. Once the doors closed, Hudson pushed Connor against the wall, his hand behind his head to stop it from hitting it too hard. Connor moaned into his mouth. Their hands were exploring each other, untucking their shirts to feel their skin underneath. They stopped once they heard the elevator ding, signaling they reached the floor.
They walked to Hudson’s room with a quickened pace, Hudson hurriedly grabbing the key from his bag and unlocking the door. They barely let the door close when Connor grabbed Hudson by his neck and pushed him against the wall. Hudson grunted at the contact, but it was immediately replaced with a moan into Connor’s mouth. Hudson’s mouth opened wider allowing Connor’s tongue to slip deeper. Hudson took his tongue between his lips and sucked slowly, earning a deep, guttural moan from Connor.
Connor’s hand released his neck and gripped his chin tightly. He pulled away, Hudson’s lips glistening with a mixture of their spit. They make eye contact, breathing heavily centimeters away from each other’s mouths. Connor could see the want and desperation in Hudson’s eyes.
“You don’t know how badly I’ve been wanting to do this.” Hudson breathed out.
This made Connor smirk, but deep down, his heart is racing and he is terrified. He knows exactly what he means, but he’s so scared this will change everything. What if tomorrow, everything is different and Connor has to pretend this meant nothing? This thought quickly leaves his head when Hudson brings his hand up to Connor’s face, his thumb brushing over his slightly open mouth. He pushes his thumb in, allowing Connor to suck on it slowly.
Connor closes his eyes and moans around his thumb, getting lost at the sensation of having something in his mouth. He could hear Hudson’s breathing speed up, becoming more unsteady than before, if that was even possible. Hudson is just as wrecked by this as he is. Connor pulled off with a “pop,” all while staring into Hudson’s eyes. They stare at each other for a brief second, and Connor can see the same amount of want staring back at him.
“Oh Huddy, look at you.” He started, his voice rough with desire.
“What?” Hudson replied quietly and out of breath.
“So cockdrunk and I haven’t even fucked you yet.” Hudson moaned at his response, and Connor quickly felt a surge of possessiveness. He was learning that he wanted to be the only one to see Hudson like this. So desperate. So needy. So his.
“Those noises,” he continued. “God, you sound beautiful.” Connor was staring at his lips, contemplating what he wanted to do next. He had Hudson completely and utterly wrecked right in front of him.
Connor presses his lips to Hudson’s again, slow this time, but deep enough that it sends a chill down his spine. He tries to pour everything that has gone unsaid for all of these months into the kiss. Hudson pushes them off the wall and walks them over to the bed. The back of Connor’s knees make contact with the bed, willing him to sit down while Hudson is still standing in front of him.
Connor places his hands on his hips, staring up at Hudson through his eyelashes. Hudson puts his hand on his cheek, the tenderness making Connor’s chest tight. He slides down, kneeling in front of Connor. He didn’t know how badly he needed to see this, Hudson on his knees for him, completely vulnerable. Connor mimics his previous actions, putting a hand to Hudson’s cheek humming quietly. Without a thought, he slaps Hudson. Not too hard, but not gentle either. Hudson gasps and stares at Connor in disbelief. For a brief second, he thought he made a mistake, trying to hide the panic flooding through him.
“Again. Please.” Hudson whispers. This made Connor feel dizzy.
“You–” Connor’s voice caught in this throat. “You want more?”
“Yes. Fuck yes. I want you to– need you to take control. I’ve been thinking about this. You doing whatever you want to me.” Hudson blushes, but maintains eye contact with Connor. “Please.”
The honesty could have killed Connor. He lets out a deep laugh, part disbelief, part arousal, and slaps him again, slightly harder this time. Hudson whimpers in response. And that noise. Fuck, it’s going to be etched into Connor’s brain.
“You are unbelievable. Begging me to hit you?”
“Fuck yes. I want more. Harder.” Hudson begs, completely shameless. He can feel himself leaking in his pants at the sight. Connor raises his other hand, slapping Hudson’s other cheek harder and firmer. He grabs Hudson’s chin and forces him to look him in the eyes.
“Such a slut for me.” he says, his thumb stroking Hudson’s reddened cheek gently.
“Yes Connie, all yours.”
The words hit Connor like a physical blow. All yours. He wanted Hudson to belong to him more than he’s wanted anything for a long time.
“Say it again.” Connor demands.
“I’m yours. Only yours.” Hudson’s pupils are blown out and his eyes are glassy.
Connor mumbles a mhm in response. He never thought he would love seeing Hudson like this. On his knees at his mercy for him. The control he has over Hudson right now is intoxicating, fully taking over him.
“Take your clothes off. Now.” Connor said with a low grumble, needing to see all of him.
Hudson stood up quickly and took his shirt off. Connor swore he stopped breathing. He knew Hudson’s body was beautiful, but seeing him in front of him like this was different. Hudson stripped down to his boxers and Connor instantly noticed the darkness on the front from his leaking cock.
“Making a mess of yourself already. You want this so bad, don’t you?” Connor breathes out. His voice might sound rough, but he is full of affection for the man in front of him.
“So fucking bad. Want you to make me feel good.” There’s a slight tremor in Hudson’s voice.
“Too bad you have to wait.” This response makes Hudson wince, as if the words had caused him physical pain, but he can see Hudson’s cock twitch in his boxers at the denial.
Connor stands up and takes his own clothes off down to his boxers. He walks over to Hudson, aggressively turning him around and pushing him onto the bed. Hudson sits at the edge, leaning back with his elbows keeping him upright. Connor kneels down in front of him, nuzzling his face against his cock. He places open-mouthed kisses against his boxers, feeling Hudson twitching underneath. It felt like Connor was worshipping him.
“Please.” Hudson whimpers. Connor practically moans at the desperation in his voice
“Please what? Use your words.” He wants to hear Hudson say it. To tell him exactly what he wants.
“Want to feel your mouth on me.”
“Here?” Connor kisses the inside of his thigh, sucking hard, making sure to leave a mark. He’s going to make sure Hudson knows he’s his, even if it’s just for tonight. Hudson lets out a whine, the noise going straight to Connor’s cock.
“Suck my dick. Please.”
“There you go. Good boy.” Connor replies, feeling Hudson shudder underneath him at the praise.
Connor grabs at the waistband of his boxers and pulls, Hudson raising his hips to allow them to come off. His cock springs up, red and angry at the tip. Connor leans forward, his mouth inches away from his cock, and lets his breath hit it. Hudson whines, lifting his hips to get closer to Connor. Connor grabs his hips and pins his lower body back down to the bed.
“Did I say you could move?” This earns a whimper from Hudson. “You’ll get what you want, but you have to be patient. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes. I’ll be so good for you.” Hudson gasps.
Connor leans forward and gently kisses the base of his cock, and works his way up to the tip, still leaking with pre-cum. He wets his lips before taking the tip into his mouth and sucking. Hudson throws his head back and moans loudly. He goes down more until it hits the back of his throat. He relaxes himself until he has all of him in his mouth, and begins bobbing his head up and down.
“Fuck, just like that Connor. You’re so fucking good.” Hudson’s voice sounds wrecked, causing Connor to moan around his dick as he continues to work him. Hudson brings up one hand to grip Connor’s curls tightly, the force making Connor moan even louder, the vibration making Hudson jolt forward. Connor can feel Hudson inching closer to release, his breath becoming more and more erratic.
“Yes, baby. Fuck I’m so close.” Those words bring Connor to lift himself off of Hudson. The loss of contact makes Hudson cry out.
“What the fuck?” Hudson’s voice is almost a sob, so desperate and needy.
Connor laughed. “Oh you thought I was going to let you cum?” He stands up and leans in close to Hudson’s ear. “You have to show me you deserve it. Think you can do that?”
“Yes I’ll do anything. Please.”
Connor stands in front of Hudson, his cock straining in his boxers staring directly at him. He pulls them off and grabs Hudson by the chin to look up at him.
“Can I fuck your mouth?” He grumbles in a low, deep voice.
“Yes. Fuck. Please.” He sounded desperate. Like he didn’t want anything more in that moment.
“Open.” Connor said, still gripping his chin. Hudson opened his mouth and Connor spit onto Hudson’s tongue, watching it pool there. “Don’t swallow.”
Connor grabbed Hudson’s head with both hands and guided him to his dick. “Spit.”
Hudson spit on Connor’s cock, then wrapped his lips around him. Connor had to fight the urge to cum right there from the sight of Hudson’s mouth on him alone.
“Fuck yes Huddy. Your mouth is so good. You’re doing so good for me.” Hudson moaned around Connor, the vibration making something snap. Connor started to thrust into his mouth, feeling the tip hit the back of his throat. Hudson caught a steady rhythm, swallowing Connor as deep as he could.
“Look at you letting me use your mouth. You were made to take me like this.” The words come out rough, but Hudson moans louder at them, practically asking Connor to continue. “So fucking perfect for me.”
Hudson continued his pace until Connor pulled him off, not wanting to finish like this. He pulled him up off of his knees and forced him to straddle him. They start kissing feverishly, like they’ve been starved. Hudson starts grinding his cock against Connor’s, begging for friction. Connor’s hand slowly moves down between them, grabbing the both of them at once and begins pumping his fist, both of them still wet from the mixture of their spit.
Hudson moans loudly into Connor’s mouth, Connor catching his bottom lip between his teeth and tugging roughly, too caught up to control himself. He tastes copper and they both freeze, staring at each other. Connor is worried he hurt him, but then he leans in and licks the blood off of Hudson’s lip, unable to help himself.
Hudson moans at the action, liking it more than he anticipated. “Fuck, Connor–”
“You liked that, didn’t you?” Connor moaned, still pumping both him and Hudson in his fist with slow and sloppy motions. Hudson moaned back in response, his head falling onto Connor’s shoulder.
“I need more.” Hudson whined, rolling his hips into Connor’s fist.
“More what?” Connor speaks softly, checking in.
“You know Connor, don’t make me say it.” His voice is full of need and embarrassment.
“Mm, I don’t think I do. Tell me.”
“I need you inside me.” Hudson whispers against Connor’s neck. Connor stopped stroking them together and readjusts them, let his cock fall under Hudson, it slowly rubbing against his entrance.
“Here?” Connor grunted. Hudson moaned loudly at the contact, he’s sure the rooms next door could hear him.
“Oh my God. Yes Connor, please. I’ve thought about this so many times, please–”
Connor stood up, holding Hudson with his legs wrapped around him. He laid him down on the bed, hovering over him and took a moment to take him in. Hudson’s lips are swollen, a deep red mark from where Connor had bit him roughly before. His cheeks are flushed, still red from the previous contact. It’s the most beautiful sight Connor has ever seen.
“Do you have lube?” Connor asks, his voice rough.
“Front pocket of my suitcase.” Hudson answered breathlessly. Connor had to laugh at his response.
“Were you preparing for this to happen? You’re so fucking desperate Hudson.”
“I needed it. I needed you. I’ve needed you for a long time.” Hudson’s voice cracks on the last word. This statement made Connor freeze. He swears he stopped breathing for a second. He leaned forward and kissed Hudson deeply and in no rush. His hand moved up to his chest, two fingers toying with his nipples, pinching hard, earning a loud whimper from Hudson.
“I’ve needed you too,” Connor whispers against Hudson’s lips, “You have no idea.”
Hudson pulls Connor down into another kiss, savoring the words spoken between them.
Connor stood up and grabbed the lube from Hudson’s suitcase, his hands shaking slightly. He put the bottle on the bedside table and leaned back down to kiss Hudson briefly. He started kissing down his neck and to his chest, taking each nipple into his mouth and sucking. Hudson brought his hand to Connor’s curls and gripped tightly. Connor couldn’t help but let out a whimper, loving the slight pain of his grip in his hair.
Connor moved down further, kissing Hudson’s stomach and hips, taking his time. He grabs Hudson’s thighs and pushes them up to his chest. Hudson was completely exposed and Connor is convinced he has never seen something better.
“Look at me. Watch while I take you apart.” Connor needs Hudson to look at him, needs to know he’s still with him.
Hudson meets Connor’s eyes as he leans down and swipes his tongue against Hudson’s hole. Hudson moans loudly, his hips slightly raising off the bed. Connor works him slowly, pushing the tip of his tongue inside of him. He pulls back briefly.
“God you taste so fucking good.” It’s filthy and honest, earning a whimper from Hudson.
Hudson’s hand moves down to start stroking his cock, but not long enough before Connor stops and grabs his wrist.
“Did I say you could touch yourself?” Hudson stops immediately and shakes his head. Connor gives him a hard glare that quickly softens.
“I’ll take care of you, I promise.” Hudson nods his head fast, and Connor returns his mouth to him. He works his tongue around his rim, pushing his tongue deeper. He feels Hudson relax and open more for him. He takes his time, wanting Hudson to be ready for him.
After a few more minutes,Connor gets up quickly, grabbing the lube off the table and opening the cap. He pours it on his fingers, warming it slightly and positions himself in front of Hudson. He takes his pointer finger and starts pushing the tip of it inside of Hudson, making sure to watch his face.
“Holy fu– Oh my God Connor.” Hudson yells. Connor moans at his words, and the sweet noises that he’s making. He slowly pumps his finger, working his way deeper until he's down to his knuckle, allowing Hudson to adjust.
“Are you okay? Talk to me.” Connor asks.
“Yes. Fuck I need more. I can take more.”
“You think so?” He asks. Hudson nods his head aggressively, practically begging. Connor adds a second finger, feeling him stretch around him. Connor pushes deeper until both fingers are knuckle deep, and starts scissoring them to stretch Hudson wider. He watches Hudson’s face for any signs of discomfort, but there’s only pleasure. Hudson is a squirming mess on the bed, moaning incoherently, begging Connor to keep going.
“That’s it baby. You’re taking my fingers so well. So good for me.” Connor’s voice is full of praise.
Connor curls his fingers until he hits the spot Hudson was craving. Hudson’s vision gets spotty, and he chokes out a moan, something close to a sob.
“Right there baby. That feels so good, please don’t stop.” Hudson’s voice is wrecked.
Connor hums at his response and grabs more lube, pushing in a third finger. “I’ve got you, I’m not stopping.”
Connor’s movements quicken, pumping deep into Hudson at a brutal pace, hitting his prostate every time. He can hear Hudson’s breathing get uneven, noticing his cock twitching and leaking onto his stomach. Connor knows he could make Hudson cum like this untouched from just his fingers.
He pulls his fingers out, Hudson whining at the emptiness. “I know, I know baby.” Connor brings himself back up and crashes his lips onto Hudson’s.
Hudson wraps his hands in Connor’s hair tightly, holding him there while they swallow each other’s mouths. Connor places his thigh between Hudson’s legs and feels Hudson grinding his cock down onto him, begging for some kind of friction. Connor pulls away and grabs the bottle of lube.
“Do you have condoms?”
“Yeah, but I wanna feel you. All of you.” This knocks the air out of Connor. The thought of fucking Hudson with no barrier makes his cock twitch. He doesn’t know how long he’s going to last.
“Are you sure? We don’t have to–”
“I’m sure. I want you. Please Connor.”
“Fuck.” He replies.
He pours the lube on his cock and strokes it over himself. He lays down next to Hudson and looks over at him.
“Get on top. Ride me. I want to see your face.” Hudson opens his mouth and lets out a soft moan at Connor’s words. He sits up and straddles Connor, positioning his cock at his entrance. He slowly sinks down over his tip, both him and Connor moaning loudly at the contact.
“Holy shit.” Hudson whispers, sinking down until Connor is fully inside him. They stay there motionless for a second before Connor grabs Hudson’s waist and slowly starts grinding him on his cock, gentle at first.
“That’s right. Use my cock baby, make yourself feel good.” Hudson replies by quickening the pace. Connor’s grip on Hudson’s waist is so tight he can see his knuckles turning white. He grabs Hudson’s face and pulls him down to kiss him. Both of them are hungry for the contact, Hudson’s tongue pushing deep into Connor’s mouth. They pull apart and stare at each other.
“You’re riding me so good” Connor breathes out. He smacks Hudson’s cheek hard. Hudson gasps at the contact but moans louder. “My good boy.”
Connor moves his hand between them and grips Hudson’s cock, roughly stroking him. He stops briefly and puts his hand in front of Hudson’s mouth.
“Spit.” Hudson complies and spits in Connor’s hand, bringing it back to Hudson’s cock and stroking it at a steady pace. Hudson threw his head back and nearly screamed at the contact. Connor’s mouth opened, quiet moans leaving his mouth at how perfect Hudson sounds.
“Oh my god Connor– fuck that feels so good.” Hudson breathes out. Connor can’t help but to stare at Hudson. His hands are bracing himself on Connor’s chest, eyes squeezed shut and his face full of pleasure. He’s watching him completely unravel in front of him, something he’s been dreaming about for a while.
Connor feels Hudson’s cock twitch in his hand, leaking more from the tip, signaling he’s close. Connor pulls his hand from Hudson’s cock and slows his movements to stop him from releasing.
“Connor no please please please–” Hudson’s lower lip starts quivering and lays his head on Connor’s shoulder. He feels something wet hit his shoulder, stopping abruptly. Connor's thoughts are instantly flooded with worry. He’s terrified he’s done something wrong or hurt him. He grabs Hudson’s face to look at him fully. His cheeks are still flushed, except this time they are wet with tear streaks running down each cheek.
“Oh baby, what’s wrong?” Connor questioned softly.
“I need to cum. I need you to make me cum. I’ve been so good.” Hudson whined. A feeling of arousal grew in Connor’s stomach. Seeing Hudson so torn apart, so desperate for Connor to fuck him to the point where he is crying for him turns him on more than he’d like to admit. He searches Hudson’s face for any genuine feelings of discomfort, and despite his tears, he can still see the arousal.
Connor leans into his cheek and sticks his tongue out, pressing it to his cheek and tasting the salty tears that had fallen as a result of his actions. He hummed out a moan while doing it, repeating the action to his other cheek. Hudson moans, gripping Connor’s hair tightly. He uses his hair to pull him away and kiss him again, tasting the saltiness of his own tears on Connor’s tongue.
Connor is still inside of Hudson, not moving, but still throbbing for the connection. In one swift motion, Connor pulls out of Hudson and flips him over onto his back. He finds himself in between his legs again staring at him, his hand caressing Hudson’s cheek.
“What do you want, baby?” Connor whispers. He knows. Of course he knows. But hearing Hudson beg is something he will never get tired of.
“Stop being a fucking asshole and fuck me.” Hudson spit out. Connor stared at him in silence, taken aback but the sudden aggression in his voice.
“Stop being a fucking brat and beg for it.” Connor replied. He could see the frustration growing on Hudson’s face and it only made him want to keep torturing him. Hudson’s jaw clenches, defiance showing in his eyes.
“Make me.”
Connor’s hand shoots up to wrap around Hudson’s throat. He didn’t squeeze yet, but held his hand there, almost like a promise.
“You really want to test me right now?” Connor’s voice was dangerously low, and Hudson can feel his cock throbbing against his entrance. It was still slick from before.
“Maybe I do.” Hudson breathes out. His voice was shaky. He knew what he was doing. They both did.
Connor’s grip tightens around his neck making Hudson gasp, his other hand gripping Hudson’s hip hard enough to add to the growing bruise that was already there.
“Open your mouth.”
Hudson hesitates for a second, long enough for Connor to add pressure to his already tight grip around his throat making his eyes water. His mouth falls open obediently, Connor leaning over him gathering saliva before spitting directly into his mouth.
“Swallow it, you fucking brat.”
Hudson listens immediately and swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing under Connor’s hand. He whimpers, the sound immediately going to Connor’s cock.
“That’s better. Now try again. What do you want?” Connor’s thumb strokes along Hudson’s jaw, slightly letting up on the pressure around his throat, but still holding on tight.
“Please I– I need you to fuck me.” Hudson’s voice is small and quiet.
“Keep going.” Connor spits back.
“Please fuck me. I need it. I need you. I’m sorry, just please–” The words fall out desperately, another fresh tear falling down Hudson’s cheek.
“There’s my good boy.” Connor releases his throat and lines himself up to Hudson’s entrance, pushing in slowly despite Hudson’s whine. “You look so pretty when you cry for me.”
Connor bottoms out inside of Hudson, and his back arches off the bed, a broken moan escaping his lips. Connor barely gives him time to adjust before pulling almost all the way out, the tip of his cock still barely inside of him, and slamming back in. He sets a brutal pace that makes Hudson cry out loudly with each thrust.
“Is this what you wanted? Hm?” Connor growls near his ear. He leans back again, one hand going back to Hudson’s throat while the other continues to hold him in place. “Wanted me to fuck you like the desperate little slut you are?”
Hudson moans out at his words, his eyes squeezed shut. “Fuck yes–” Hudson can barely get the words out, his voice cracking as Connor’s cock hits that one spot inside him over and over.
“You’re taking me so well. You like it hard, don’t you?” Connor’s voice has a deep rasp. He’s maintaining control, but inside he feels like he’s barely hanging on. Like any second he could break.
Hudson nods, unable to speak because of the frequency that Connor is fucking him at. Tears are still streaming down his cheeks, a mix of overwhelming pleasure and the tightness of Connor’s hand around his throat.
“Even when you’re being a brat, you’re still my good boy, aren’t you?” Hudson just opens his mouth, struggling to let out a moan. When he doesn’t respond, Connor releases his throat and smacks Hudson with a brief, hard snap.
“Fucking answer me.” Connor snaps.
“Yes, fuck Connor. Yes I am. Only for you.” Hudson gasps, sucking in air. His hands reach Connor’s back, digging his nails in deep, likely to leave scratch marks on his back.
“That’s right,” Connor caresses Hudson’s cheek. “All fucking mine.”
Hudson’s cock is leaking steadily between them, completely untouched, but so hard it looks painful.
“You want to cum, baby?” Connor says with a smirk.
“Please, fuck– please I’m so close.”
“Beg me properly. Show me you deserve it.” Connor slows his thrusts enough to torture him, pumping into him deep and slow, instead of the hard, fast-pace Hudson needs.
“Please Connor, I’m sorry. I’ll be good. So good. I promise. Please let me cum, I need it so bad–” Hudson whines, his voice shaking. He’s so desperate, so wrecked, so beautiful, that Connor almost loses control right then and there.
Connor picks up the pace again, fucking him relentlessly into the mattress. He fucks him hard and deep, feeling his own orgasm building in his lower stomach.
“You’re going to cum for me without touching yourself, you hear me?” Connor grunts, almost completely out of breath. Hudson answers with an aggressive nod, too busy throwing his head back and moaning loudly at the progression of the contact.
“Cum for me Hudson. Right fucking now.” Connor grumbles. The combination of Connor’s cock hitting Hudson’s prostate and the permission he’d been desperately waiting for sends Hudson over the edge. He came with a choked cry, his whole body tensing as he spills all over his stomach, clenching around Connor so tightly it makes Connor yell.
“Fuck that’s it, so fucking good for me–” Connor’s rhythm begins to falter as he inches closer to his orgasm.
“Cum for me Connor, please. Cum for me.” The words send Connor over the edge and he releases into Hudson, filling him completely with a loud moan, dropping his head onto Hudson’s shoulder.
Connor lifts his head up and looks at Hudson. They kiss hard, coming down from what just happened. Connor pulls out slowly, Hudson whimpering at the loss, his body still trembling. Connor sits back on his heels, eyes fixed between Hudson’s legs, watching his cum start to leak out.
“Fuck, look at you,” Connor breathes out, his voice still rough. He runs his thumb along Hudson’s rim, gathering the cum that was dripping out. “So fucking messy. So perfect.”
Hudson’s oversensitive body jerks up, whining at the contact. “Connor–”
“Shh, I’ve got you baby.” Connor pushes two fingers inside slowly, pushing his cum back in deep. Hudson’s back arches off the bed, his hands fisting the sheets as he gasps.
“Connor it’s– fuck– it’s too much.”
“You can take it baby, you’re doing so good.” Connor’s fingers continue to work Hudson slowly. “Want to keep all of me inside you, don’t you? Want to feel how full I made you?”
Hudson nods frantically, his body overly sensitive but full of arousal. “Yes, fuck yes.”
Connor hums in satisfaction. He slowly pulls his fingers out and puts the two wet fingers in his mouth, sucking them clean. He moans at the taste at the same time that Hudson moans at the sight. He pulls them out and leans forward, connecting his mouth with Hudson’s.
Hudson whimpers into his mouth, tasting himself on Connor’s tongue. It was so filthy, so hot, but so intimate.
“Let me clean you up, stay right here.” Connor stands up and walks to the hotel bathroom. He grabs a wash cloth and wets it under warm water. He brings it out to Hudson and slowly starts wiping his cum off his stomach, looking up at him. He catches Hudson’s gaze, his eyes slightly hooded over and a small smile creeping up on his face.
“What?” Connor says slightly amused.
“I didn’t know you had all that in you, Connie.”
Connor laughed at his response. He knew he did, but he never expected to be doing this with Hudson. The thought made the smile slowly disappear from his face. He instantly started wondering what was going to happen next. Were they going to go back to being just friends? Would Hudson be weird around him? Especially when they’re around other people. Hudson must have noticed this because his face softened while looking at Connor.
“Come here, baby.” Hudson said softly, filling in the space where Connor didn’t reply. Connor laid down on top of Hudson, laying his head on his chest, listening to his heart rate steady.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Hudson spoke again. Connor stayed quiet for a bit. He had no idea what he was supposed to say. He couldn’t lie to him, but speaking about his feelings felt scarier than what they just did.
“What does this mean for us now?” He said so quietly it was almost a whisper. He lifted his head to look into Hudson’s eyes. They were soft and full of admiration. Some of Connor’s hesitation started melting, but there was a weird feeling he couldn’t shake.
“What do you want it to mean?” Hudson replied. Connor couldn’t help but to let out a chuckle.
“I feel like you should know after what just happened.” Connor softly spoke, slightly embarrassed.
“Say it baby, come on.” Hudson pushed. Connor shoved his face in the crook of Hudson’s neck and groaned. Hudson lets out a laugh at the feeling, it tickling him unexpectedly.
“Okay fine. I’ll say it.” Hudson paused. He sat himself up higher, pulling Connor up with him and making sure they were looking at each other.
“I want you. Want you so bad it scares me. Yes you’re my best friend, but you’re also so much more than that. I’ve never had someone care for me like you do, sacrifice time for me, and show me that I’m worth something. I want so much more than to be your friend, and saying it out loud is fucking terrifying, but I need you to finally hear it.”
Connor felt the tears welling up behind his eyes. He couldn’t believe this was happening. All this time he had been trying to get over his feelings for Hudson, convincing himself that he would never feel the same, but here he is telling him the complete opposite. A tear slowly falls down his cheek and Hudson is quick to take the pad of his thumb and wipe it away.
“Say something. Please.” Hudson whispers. His voice slightly cracks. Saying this out loud was fucking terrifying. He was laying his heart on the line, scared for the potential rejection.
“I want that too. I want you so fucking bad. I’ve been pushing it down hoping for it to go away because I never thought you’d feel the same. But here you are and, fuck–” Connor stops and lays his head back down on Hudson’s chest unable to stop the tears from coming out. He can’t believe this is happening.
“I’m yours, Connie. I was yours before, and I will always be yours.” Hudson spoke softly, playing with Connor’s hair in a way that was quick to soothe him.
They just laid there. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. Who knows. They’ve laid like this before, legs tangled up in each other. They played with each other’s hair, rubbed each other’s backs. They have always been so close but this feels so different. It almost feels more right than it ever has.
Connor’s tears stopped flowing and felt his breathing slow down, growing tired as they laid in a comfortable silence.
“When’s your flight?” Connor questioned.
“At 3. Not too early, we have some more time together.”
“Can I stay?” Connor said softly, practically begging. Hudson couldn’t help but laugh.
“Did you think you were leaving? When I finally got you all to myself? Yes Connor, you’re staying.”
Connor and Hudson both laugh. They turn off the lights and get under the blanket, Connor turning on his side, pressing his back against Hudson. Hudson wraps his arms around Connor’s waist and draws slow circles, soothing him immediately. Connor closes his eyes at the sensation.
“It’s always been you Connor,” Hudson whispers in his ear, “I’m not letting you go.”
With that, the both of them fall asleep, completely and utterly infatuated with each other. Except this time, the both of them know it, and they don’t have to pretend anymore.
***
Hudson’s eyes slowly flutter open, feeling immediate warmth on his chest. He was laid on his back, Connor cuddled up on his chest and tucked in himself. Hudson couldn’t help but smile. The sight was heartwarming, seeing Connor more vulnerable than he’s ever been. He felt Connor shift against him, breathing in deeply as he wakes it up.
“So it wasn’t just a dream?” Connor breathed out in a raspy voice. Hudson let out a laugh. He felt the same way. Everything between them was so perfect. Everything that had gone unsaid was finally spoken, and they find themselves happier than they’ve been together in a while.
“Does this feel like a dream?” Hudson leans down and gives Connor a small kiss on the lips.
When he pulls away, Connor slightly cringes. “Morning breath.”
Hudson lets out a laugh that sounds like music to Connor’s ears. He’s never going to get tired of this. The two of them groan before getting up and walking toward the bathroom. They’re still completely naked, but neither of them care.
Hudson gives Connor a spare toothbrush and they stand side-by-side brushing their teeth together. Once they finish, Hudson stands behind Connor and wraps his arm around his waist, staring at the two of them in the mirror. Connor’s curls were jumbled up, and Hudson’s hair was sticking up in multiple places. There was a soft, lazy grin growing on Connor’s face at the sight of them. This is what he has been craving. The gentle intimacy of their admiration for one another beaming between them.
Connor feels something hard pressing against his back, and he couldn’t help but laugh as he looked at Hudson in the mirror.
“You good, Huddy?” Connor catches his blush in the mirror and he shoves his face into the crook of Connor’s neck. He’s so easily embarrassed, Connor thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen. He turns around and faces Hudson, grabbing his face with his hands and stares at him. They stand like that for a second before Connor leans in and kisses Hudson. It’s firm, but not rushed; like they have all the time in the world. Connor gently tugs at Hudson’s lower lip, earning a soft moan from Hudson.
Connor pulls away and stares at Hudson, his eyes hooded and his lips glistening. “Want to take a shower?” Connor says with a low tone. Hudson whimpers quietly and nods his head, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth.
***
The morning goes by fast, quicker than they anticipated, soon reaching the time for Hudson to go back to Vancouver. Connor agreed to drive him to the airport, trying to maintain any amount of time they have left to spend together.
Throughout the drive, Connor has his hand placed on Hudson’s thigh, Hudson covering it with his own hand rubbing slow, soft circles at the top. Music is playing softly, the sound of Hudson humming along leaving a permanent grin on Connor’s face.
“I’m going to miss you Huddy.” Connor breaks the silence. He begins chewing at his bottom lip, feeling like all of this happened so fast that now he has to be alone again when all he wants is to stay with Hudson. He wants to do everything with him. Go to the gym, walk around town, cook and clean, watch tv. Anything big and small always feels better when he’s with Hudson.
“I know baby, me too.” Hudson replied softly, continuing to rub circles on Connor’s hand. He pulls away and lifts his hand to go to the back of Connor’s neck, playing with the curls that sit there. Unspoken feelings of dread from having to part ways fills the car, but more importantly, their newly pronounced feelings for one another linger there too.
Connor sighs as he pulls up to the dropoff line at the airport, looking at Hudson with gentle, bright eyes.
“We’ll be together before you know it. I promise. Even if that means we have to plan something.” Hudson speaks with his hand caressing Connor’s cheek. Connor smiles softly at his words and nods, knowing that he will fit it into his schedule if he has to.
The two get out of the car and Connor helps Hudson grab his suitcase from the trunk. When Hudson has all of his items collected, they pull one another into a tight hug, slightly rocking back and forth in each other’s arms.
“Thank you for coming, Huddy. Thank you for everything.” Connor whispers in his ear.
“I’ll always be here. Whenever you need me, whether it’s by your side or in your heart, I’ll be there for you.” Hudson replies back just as softly.
The two of them stand there a little longer before pulling apart, knowing it’s almost time for Hudson to go.
“Have a safe flight baby, text me whenever you can.” Connor says as Hudson starts backing away.
“Of course. Oh and by the way, next time you want me here, use your words. A little begging can go a long way.” Hudson states with a wink. This earns a laugh from Connor, making a smile tug on Hudson’s cheek as he turns around and walks into the terminal.
Connor gets back into his car with a sigh, his head hitting the back of the seat as he closes his eyes. Neither of them anticipated this would happen. Both of them thought it was impossible, that being more than friends could never be in the cards for them. But here they are, against all odds, exactly where they were meant to be.