Chapter Text
Six months. Yes, you heard right. It has been exactly one hundred and eighty days since I, Natsuki Subaru, made a sacred vow at the altar and officially became the husband of the most beautiful angel ever to descend to earth, Emilia. If you ask me about happiness, oh, don't even ask. Waking up in the morning to see her peaceful sleeping face, like a goddess descended from the heavens, having breakfast together at the small but cozy dining table in our apartment in the middle of Lugunica, to welcoming her home from work—it all feels like a beautiful dream that I never want to end. EMT! Emilia Maji Tenshi is real, and she's my wife!
But... behind this super sweet, sugar-filled married life, there is a major crisis ravaging my soul and body. An ironic tragedy that might make all the men in the world laugh at me.
We've never done that. Not once. Zero.
I swear, sometimes I wonder if I was reincarnated as a monk in my previous life. Six months of marriage, sleeping in the same bed, hugging each other, kissing each other, but that's as far as it goes! There's no continuation! As a healthy, fit man who works as a physical education teacher at High School, my stamina is at its peak. Do you know how torturous it is to have to suppress the surge of youthful blood every time I see Emilia come out of the bathroom wearing only a towel, or when she’s drying her long silver hair? I feel like I’m going to explode!
The funny thing, or rather the tragic thing, is that I have never satisfied myself. Never. Even though, my God, in the bottom drawer of my closet there is a stack of awesome “manga” collections that I have collected since I was single. To make matters worse, last month Emilia found that treasure trove while she was cleaning the room. At the time, she just tilted her head with an innocent look on her face while holding a book with a cover that... well, you know. I immediately bowed down and apologized while crying my eyes out, explaining that it was just “art literature.” Fortunately, she just sighed and put the book back without saying much. But still, that collection is just for display! I am too loyal and too proud as her husband to do solo play when my wife is less than two meters away from me.
So, today I've made up my mind. I can't go on like this. It's Saturday, and we both have tomorrow off. If not now, then when? I have to be a real man and express my desires! Besides, we're a married couple, so it's only natural for me to ask for my “rights,” right?
"Subaru? You're staring at the fried egg like that. Did some eggshell get in there?"
That voice, as soft as silk, broke my reverie. I blinked, returning to the real world. In front of me, Emilia was sitting sweetly at the dining table, wearing a light purple apron over her oversized white shirt. Her smile... ah, that smile could stop a war.
“E-eh? No, no, there's nothing, Emilia-tan!” I exclaimed, somewhat panicked, hurriedly shoving a piece of bread and egg into my mouth. “Your cooking is always perfect, a hundred points for my beloved chef!”
Emilia chuckled softly, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks. “You're always so over the top. Finish your breakfast, okay. Today I plan to prepare materials for the kindergarten kids for Monday. What are you going to do today?”
Here it is. My heart immediately began to pound like a drum. Cold sweat the size of flies began to roll down my temples. I put down my fork, took a deep breath, and looked straight into her beautiful amethyst eyes.
“Emilia-tan... there's something very important I need to talk about.” I made my voice as heavy and serious as possible.
Seeing my suddenly tense expression, Emilia's face also turned serious. She put down her glass of milk. “W-what's wrong, Subaru? Are you sick? Or is there a problem at school? Did the High School students cause trouble again during your class?”
“No... that's not it.” I swallowed hard. I struggled to put the words together in my head. How could I say this without sounding rude? “It's about... our relationship.”
“Our relationship?” Emilia's eyes widened innocently. “We're fine, right? We just watched a movie together last night.”
“Y-yeah, emotionally we're great. But... physically...” Damn it, why is my tongue so tied?! Come on, Natsuki Subaru! Shake off your shyness! You've already won her heart and married her, so why are you acting like a coward?!
“Physically...?” Emilia repeated, tilting her head slightly to the right. Damn, her innocent expression is so cute, but it's making it even harder for me to speak!
“We've been married for six months, Emilia-tan. Six months.” I looked at her pitifully. “And... um... we've never... expressed our love to a... deeper level.”
There was a moment of silence. Emilia seemed to be thinking hard, her eyebrows knitted together cutely. "A deeper level? You mean going on a trip outside of Lugunica?"
“No!” I slammed my hand on the table a little, causing the coffee cup to shake slightly. I quickly lowered my voice again. “Not going out. I mean... in bed.”
Emilia's eyes slowly widened. It seemed like her genius brain was starting to connect the dots I had made.
“I-I mean... we're husband and wife,” I said, stammering even more, my face surely bright red by now. “I-I want... I want us to... um... have sex, Emilia-tan. Please let your husband touch you more than just hugging you while you sleep!”
I closed my eyes tightly after saying that. It was over. The bomb had been dropped.
One second.
Two seconds.
Three seconds.
No sound.
Slowly, I peeked through my eyelids. And what I saw made my courage shrink to the size of an atom.
Emilia's face, which had been adorned with a look of curiosity, now changed drastically. A red flush had briefly spread across her face to her ears for a split second, but it was immediately replaced by something terrifying. Her gaze became very cold. As cold as ice from the North Pole. The temperature in our apartment's dining room seemed to drop dozens of degrees instantly.
She stared at me with half-closed eyes, a look she usually gave when she saw strange insects or street thugs.
“Subaru...” she called. Her voice was flat, emotionless, piercing straight to my bone marrow.
“Y-yeah, Emilia-tan?” I chirped.
Emilia slowly stood up from her chair. She looked me up and down, as if I were the most disgusting creature that ever existed.
“You pervert.”
Two words. But the damage was equivalent to being hit by an truck hundred times in a row.
“W-wait! Emilia-tan! This isn't about being perverted! It's a very normal and biological thing for married couples—”
Brak! Emilia didn't listen at all. She roughly took off her apron, placed it on the chair, then turned around without saying a word. She walked quickly with heavy steps towards our bedroom, then...
BLAM! The sound of the door slamming shut was deafening, followed by the sound of the key turning twice from inside.
I sat frozen in my dining room chair, alone, accompanied by the remains of a fried egg that was starting to get cold. My mouth hung open, unable to believe what had just happened.
My beautiful day off, my perfect romantic plan, everything was shattered in the first few minutes. My wife, who was like an angel, had just called me a pervert and locked herself in the room.
And so began the longest and most torturous day in the six-month history of my marriage to Emilia.