Chapter Text
“Frank,” Gerard pleaded, “for the love of all that is holy, let me help.”
Frank just scowled and shook his head. “No, it’s awful,” he countered, “you don't want to have to deal with it.”
Gerard was getting frustrated now. Frank was pale and sweaty, almost green like he was in a cartoon. They had a show in 2 days and he was refusing to stop doing things for himself and get some rest.
They hadn’t wanted to bring this up. He thought that some desires simply go to the grave with you because they were too weird or too much to ask of someone. But they were down to last-ditch efforts.
“I would like to deal with it actually,” he spoke carefully, as if to not spook an animal, though he felt strangely like that animal might be himself. “I would… really like it.” He let the tone of his voice get his point across, or at least he hoped it would, leaning into the inflection of “like” with overacted suggestion.
He immediately regretted saying anything, partly because he felt so gross saying it out loud, and partly because he thought Frank might permanently lose his eyebrows into his hairline. Those were nice eyebrows, he thought, he would miss them. But when Frank recovered from his initial shock and Gerard finally let out the breath he had been holding for far too long, Frank voice croaked out.
“Really?”
“Really,” Gerard responded, impressed with his own courage at not back tracking, but not yet willing to elaborate.
“Gee,” Frank needled, “are you saying you like it when I throw up?”
Gerard wanted to curl up inside and die. He shouldn't have said anything, now Frank knew and it felt like being seen without skin. However, Frank didn't seem angry and a little part of him started to get excited. Maybe this was actually a possibility. He didn't want to get ahead of himself though, so he took a deep breath and nodded back at his partner.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Frank asked, with a little inquisitive cock of his head.
Gerard couldn't believe Frank was taking this so well. He hadn't run away or yelled or told Gerard he was disgusting. Maybe, just maybe, he could actually talk about this.
“Really, would you be up for that?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Frank replied, “it's not like you're the only freaky one in this relationship, Gee.” His voice had an undercurrent of amusement. “I ask you to pretend I'm a dog and I bark at you while you fuck me. I think we can deal with a little vomit.”
Frank’s adorable smile was wide and bright, lighting up his currently gaunt features. Tension melted out of Gerard's shoulders that he hadn't known was building. “Okay,” he started, stilling himself with another loud, deep breath. “I really want to watch it. I like how wrecked you get. I like the dirtiness of it, how taboo it is.” He stalled, humming ever so slightly, trying to find the right words. “It's so hot to see you out of control of your body.”
He thought he saw Frank shudder slightly at his last sentence. “What do you think about it?” Gerard inquired nervously, the words tumbling out of his mouth a little faster than he was able to articulate them.
“Umm,” Frank took a healthy pause, in which time Gerard's heart jumped into his throat, “I would be good with you watching. I don't know that I would be able to control it, so we would have to probably go with the flow.” Frank mused, “no pun intended.”
Gerard snorted. Of course Frank of all people would crack a joke in the middle of this, one of his more terrifying moments of vulnerability. It did bring him some comfort though. Frank wasn't making fun of him and it was nice to think that maybe he didn't have to take this quite as seriously as he was.
“There's more.” Gerard winced internally, but if there were already in this deep, he might as well spill his guts. He chucked to himself at the thought; how were there suddenly so many throw up puns?
“Okay,” Frank was gentle in his tone, understanding Gerard's anxiety. “What is it?”
“I know we've been playing with some degredation…” Gerard trailed off, realizing that he was about to give a sales pitch. He tried to get back to saying what he wanted. “I think I would like to degrade you for it. But like, in a hot way.” He was still trying to make sure he convinced Frank that he wasn’t angry at him for being sick.
Frank waited again, Gerard saw his fingers twiddle with the blanket he had cocooned himself in. Maybe his brain was just working a little bit slowly because he was sick. Or Gerard was so anxious that a few seconds pause felt like hours. “I think that could be good,” Frank started. "Honestly, that might be easier for me. You know that I worry about it, being sick. It might be too jarring to go straight from not wanting to be seen to being fawned over.”
Gerard couldn’t believe his ears. Not only had Frank not laughed him out of the room, he was actually starting to talk about this like it was a real thing that could happen.
“Umm…” Gerard said, intelligently. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Frank responded, his voice turning hoarse from the strain of the conversation on his ill body. Gerard’s cock twitched in his jeans, but he willed himself to focus a little longer, Frank was still speaking. “I, um, think that would be hot. The degradation stuff we've been doing has been really working for me, and I want to do things that would be hot for you, too.”
Frank was turning small, like he was exhausted, and maybe even slipping in his headspace a bit. Gerard knew they had to wrap this up soon, or he wouldn't feel like Frank had been all there to give consent. “Do you want it to feel real?” he asked. “Or do you want it to be clearly playful?”
“Real.” Frank's voice was suddenly firm. Then it turned dark and silky in a way that made Gerard's semi-hard cock become immediately insistent against his zipper. “I want you to fucking ruin me, Gerard Way.”
Gerard did not manage to stop the gasp that slipped out from between his lips.
Frank smirked at him with that annoyingly cheeky, knowing smirk. His eyes were slightly lidded, Gerard couldn’t tell if it was from arousal, exhaustion, or both. But if Frank was going to tease him, he could dish it back. He leaned in close, so close they could barely see each other’s whole faces anymore and Gerard could feel Frank’s breath, “I will ruin you like the slut that you are.” He could feel the heat rushing through him and heard his heart pounding in his ears. “But not today.”
Frank whined and Gerard nearly caved right then and there, but Frank needed to recover. He needed to think about this with a clear head.
“Today, I take care of you.” Gerard smiled triumphantly as Frank sleepily nodded at him. “Think about it and let me know if you’re sure when you’re feeling better.” Frank just nodded again, finally allowing Gerard to adjust his blankets and pillows.
Gerard got him his medicine and curled up with Frank, slowly stroking his hair in a way that he knew made Frank feel more comfortable. He wanted nothing more than to care for this man, this perfect man that he couldn’t believe was considering indulging one of his most shameful fantasies.
But his hard-on was still pressing. It waned as the pair went to bed, but came back insistently as Gerard cleaned up the puke Frank hadn’t quite managed to get in the toilet when the urge had woken them with a start in the middle of the night. He felt like a terrible nurse indeed, distracted by the force of his arousal clouding his consciousness. He was sure Frank would be able smell it on him, that he was being far too obvious.
The worry that he’d made a mistake weighed heavy on him the next few days. Thankfully it seemed that Frank was too out of it or too kind to comment on how distracted he was. And of course, when his discomfort reached a fever pitch, when Frank was better and still hadn’t brought up their discussion, he had come.
“I want to do it. Next time I’m sick. We should do a scene.”
Gerard didn’t know if he was going to die of happiness or of lack of blood to his brain, but he was most certainly going to die.