Chapter Text
Distrust.
What causes distrust? Betrayal? Keeping secrets? Being too powerful, dangerously so?
At last Subaru knew one thing: Return By Death was revealed…partially.
His ability to loop was revealed to his friends, yet the most important part, the fact he had to die for its activation, had remained hidden.
Was this simply fate making a show out of him? After all it was revealed in a god damned theater it doesn't matter.
So bring it on, oh inevitable fate!”
Subaru was pacing around in the room while the rest of the Emilia camp was sitting around. Otto looking worried cut through Subaru’s panic.
Being transported to a theater, his ability being revealed without the fact he needs to die for it, all of it was simply too much.
“Subaru…calm do—” Otto was cut off by Subaru. To say he was cut off was an overstatement, but it was true to a certain extent.
“Otto what do yo.. fine” Subaru sat down on one of the chairs. Beatrice immediately went and held his hand Subaru pressed on her hand. He hated how everyone stared at him.
“Come on now Sub~aaru you should be more calm about this after all you’re going to be attacked from all sides here” Subaru looked almost disgusted as he heard Roswaal speak and Ram was near him as always.
“Let's start from the beginning. First we were transported to a theater as you called it Subaru” Otto voice cut through the room.
Every camp was transported to the so-called theater. So far, everyone of the Emilia camp, not including Petra and Frederica were transported. Everyone from the Anastasia, Crusch, and finally the Priscilla camp was also transported and watched.
“Yes that's what it's called, we had it in my home town but it was just to show movies and stuff like that, not people’s life events.”
While it was true theaters could be used to show historical events, Subaru didn't say this since there was no use in having his friends confused and waste time explaining.
Otto noted to make sure to ask Subaru more about himself and his home town, he had to make sure to understand if the host of the theater was from Subaru’s hometown or not.
“Very well then we all reacted to what the host called “Arc 1, 2, 3, and 4." Emilia nodded with Otto's words.
“Well not only do they know about Roswaal’s schemes, they also know that he was using the bodies of his own children to live longer.” To say everyone was disgusted when they saw that fact would be an understatement. Emilia regretted only having Roswaal apologize.
“Yeah, I doubt the other camps are bound to leave that alone after seeing it they’re bound to use it against us” Subaru held Beatrice to his lap.
“Yeah, the only good thing to come out of this was Rem and Crush getting their memories back which will probably put her back at the top.” Subaru smiled as he remembered Rem’s face awake and happy he hugged her so god damn much that he got constantly teased about it but damn it was worth it after all Rem was awake again! In fact, he wanted to hug Rem right now who was next to him but he held himself back.
“We do have to be careful of Anastasia-sama and Crusch-sama. There is no way that they will let our dear Suba~rru thing go unnoticed after all if not for the unthinkable presents we saw, Subaru would have just kept it secret right?” As Roswaal spoke, Subaru remembered the unthinkable presents that were shown for each arc.
His loops were never shown, hell, even the theater was always from Emilia’s perspective even for the unthinkable present but nonetheless Subaru remembered them.
For arc 1, it was just Emilia searching for Felt and never reaching her. If Subaru had to guess it was the loop where he had gone to negotiate with Felt without Emilia.
For arc 2, it was just a normal week for Emilia with Subaru leaving at the end to get rich. It was easy to say it was the loop where Rem tortured him then Ram killed him.
For arc 3, it was the worst since it was the one where Sloth had attacked the mansion. He still remembered Emilia's tears. It was not easy for everyone, even the other camps.
For arc 4, it was just Emilia at the sanctuary before being cut all of a sudden, probably the loop where he died to Elsa after she killed everyone.
“Then we have the Felt camp who had Reinhard who is equal to Subaru’s thing of course.” Roswaal finally threw in the straw that broke the camel’s back.
“I believe it time we address the elephant in the room and there is no use only referring to it as Subaru’s thing” Subaru smiled a bitter sweet smile even knowing what will come after this as he heard Otto say this.
“The fact Subaru can turn back time” and with that all eyes were on Subaru who felt his heart skip a beat.
“Subaru…the unthinkable presents were loops from Emilia’s point of view right?” Subaru nodded along and a long silence came after that.
Otto was sure these were not the only loops. Just how many times had time been tampered with?
“Captain, why hide that from us? What stopped you from telling us, hell what are the conditions to use it at all? The host says you can loop whenever you wants and Crusch confirmed this with her divine protection” Garfiel voice rose a bit at the end a bit.
“Would you have told us if this never happened like ever?” Garfiel finished off as Emilia continued after him.
“Subaru…after what we saw I realised we barely know anything about you. Of course I don't think it fair to blame you because we never asked much, but can you please explain to us?” Emilia looked at Subaru in truth she didn't want to make Subaru feel isolated or hurt but they needed to confront this head on.
“I..yes as was shown in the theater and said by the host I can turn back time whenever I want” Subaru started to taste ash in his mouth, a truth twisted to deceive is ultimately a lie. Yes, Subaru could turn back time whenever he wants by killing himself but that would turn him into a monster and to abandon his promise to Satella was something he didn't wish to do.
“So why did you hide it from us Subaru? I will not let you ignore that question so answer me why did you?” Otto responded as Subaru stayed silent for some time.
“I can't answer that” Otto simply looked at Subaru.
“Subaru-kun..” Rem looked at Subaru as he said this. She would always support her hero no matter what but she would like answers.
“Can't or won't?” Subaru simply looked away and Beatrice held his hand tighter.
“Beatrice-sama, did you know about this?” Beatrice simply shook her head in rejection before answering.
“No I suppose, but at the same time Subaru is entitled to his privacy but I won't deny having questions, I suppose” Everyone looked at Beatrice as she said this.
“What Beatrice says is tr~uuue after all, what right do we have to take away Subaru privacy?” Roswaal spoke to try and break the stalemate.
“Of course you would say that, clown! As if you have any rights to reincarnate using your children and use them as stepping stones” Otto went to punch Roswaal again knowing that the contract will stop him from ever harming anyone again.
“Nee-sama! Why do you keep defending HIM!” Rem spoke out as Ram defended Roswaal from Otto’s attack.
“Do you not understand just how awful that man is? All this time he has been manipulating everyone he knew, everyone he married, he had God damned kids. He spent everyday raising them only to kill them at the end of it” Roswaal was a disgusting person that even Emilia agreed, but Ram was simply way too in love.
“Look at him now, he hasn't done anything close to that with the gospel gone has he?” Ram said her weak retort, unable to fight her sister. Rem simply stayed silent looking at Ram. Everyone could understand what that silence meant.
Do you truly believe that?
“Do you intend to use it at any time you want?” Subaru looked surprised by that question that came all of sudden from Beatrice.
“Of course not, remember when Julius beat me up and I didn't use it? It’s not just a fix for everything and I am not using it right now” Subaru even if he could activate it without death, would not just abuse it whenever turning back time. That was something that could make Subaru see everyone as playthings not the people they were.
“Did you not use it because you couldn't or because you didn’t want to?” Subaru simply stayed silent and broke it with saying
“Because I didn't want to,” Otto merely nodded. Could he really trust that?
Beatrice didn't like the answer and its implications.
“I honestly agree with Subaru on this. While there is more of an argument, I would not like it if he just uses his ability to fix a door or something but that's something we will argue on later” Otto decided to leave that point for later.
“Subaru just please promise to be more open with us in the future” as Subaru went to respond to Emilia, she cut him off again “Forget about the promise part, just be more open to us. Subaru you’re my knight so it is an order” Subaru simply nodded slowly
“Nonetheless, is that all you will say Subaru? Please give us something to work with here” Subaru stayed silent as Otto talked about the fact he kept it hidden. He could not risk it or else one of their hearts would explode.
“Then lets just go back to the camp’s reaction as we have to consider how everyone from the other camps will react to the fact Subaru is a looper as the host called it. We can expect a full on attack on the Emilia camp by all of them, worst case scenario” Otto started talking as he opened about the political side of things thanks to everyone being in the same theater. Otto believed he had a hold on how everyone reacted.
“Really Otto, you need to be more kind. Felt will probably be with us, Anastasia yea I can't deny it Crusch is someone I can't place my hands on” in truth both of Otto and Subaru responses were mostly only possibilities none of them truly held the power to know about the camps stand on the fact perhaps it might be true or not at all.
“Well Roswaal’s schemes will probably be shown to the council to get him removed, added to all of Subaru abilities and your past basically being a mystery and you being unwilling to explain anything to us” as Otto slowly said this his voice got higher and higher.
“Otto..I am saying all I can” Subaru was cut off.
“All you can? Or all you will?” Subaru simply stayed silent again.
“What worse Captain, during the theater you just lied to us constantly. It wasn't even simply lies and the way we just got tricked by it. I…just don't understand why.” Subaru constantly lied to everyone through the theater. At first he used the trick that he was simply predicting the future and it would have worked less not for his discussion with Roswaal after the sanctuary being shown which led to the question if he can turn back time and with Crusch there well there was no way to play around it.
“I….am sorry” Otto let out a small laugh.
“Sorry isn't going to cut it. Subaru you’re my brother but please don't play with my heart like that” Otto loved Subaru with all his heart yet even love had limits.
“Barusu should not keep secrets. He looked stupid to manipulate all of us but that doesn't mean he should just stay silent” Ram didn't believe Subaru had the heart to do it or even lie to everyone.
“I…need a drink. We all should calm down. We have this time to calm down, don't we? Well, I am going out to let some air out. I will try my best so please try yours too” Otto walked out and Garfiel followed behind to make sure he didn't drink too much.
“Hey don't be mad at Otto, he's a good boy! He’s just mad you lied and I am too in fact but I trust you, so please Subaru have a good reason for it” Emilia responded as she put her hand on Subaru's shoulder.
It was understandable after all Subaru lied for so long no, the entirety of his time in the theater were simply lies to everyone using the trust everyone had in him just to let out the lie go longer then using everyone again when he lied again that it was just future vision, only for his talk to Roswaal to be enough for Rom to ask the question and it ended right there.
“Can you please stay with Otto and Garfiel and help them? I think they need it”Emilia blinked twice at this.
“Are you sure you don't need anything? I am willing to help” Subaru simply smiled. Beatrice responded in his place.
“Don't worry, Betty is more than capable of helping her contractor if anything arises” Beatrice reply came quick and hard yet there was no malice in it.
“Hmm... Very well, be a good boy Subaru and don't cause too much trouble” Subaru responded with his usual antics but as Emilia left, Beatrice immediately got up before looking seriously at Subaru.
“Roswaal leave the room, I don't think I can handle your face any longer. Maid Rem right please keep your eyes on him with your sister” Roswaal let out a sigh while Ram felt alone and surprised at Beatrice trying to get everyone out.
“Very well Beatrice-sama, please take care of Rem’s hero for her” with a smile Rem looked at Roswaal.
“Quite cru~eel dear sister, but at last it is only fair to go ahead and have your private talk with Subaru” Beatrice closed her eyes as she heard Roswaal guess her intentions right to the bone and she didn't like this.
As they left, Beatrice used magic to make sure no sound could escape the room and nobody would enter without her noticing.
Subaru's hair would probably fall out before he even reached 40 if this stress continued on him. Was Beatrice mad? Would she call out why he hid it from her? Would she scream at him now that he was alone? It was only fair he had held her hand and lied to her face in that theater. No matter how much regret Subaru heart bears he would never truly be forgiven.
Beatrice looked tense as she noticed Subaru's hand constantly shaking even during the entire talk with the rest of the camp. Beatrice simply happened to be able to hide it and calm Subaru down since she held his hands.
“Your hands won't stop shaking, I suppose.” Beatrice who had let go of Subaru hands before held them again with a sigh.
“I believe it better if we pause for a bit, I suppose” Subaru didn't deserve Beatrice, that's at least the belief he held in himself.
“Perhaps simple questions at first I suppose” Subaru nodded as he heard Beatrice break the long silence.
“When I put you in that looping hallway, in fact, everytime you searched for my door did you loop to find the right one I suppose?” Subaru smiled remembering all the memories of his time in the Mansion annoying Beatrice.
“Oh sorry Beko but sadly this man is just a natural at making gamemasters cry” Beatrice simply smiled.
“And I had put so many traps there also but you just chose the right door the first time I suppose” perhaps it would be suspicious but Beatrice found constantly going around and looking at every possibility idiotic Subaru was her contractor. He was stupid, yes, but he was her Subaru.
“Plus as I told you before I didn't loop for Julius beating me up so why would I loop for this?” Beatrice's expression got more serious as she started to look into this.
“Now that I think about it, why didn't you loop back then? Of course I am not saying you should have but from the way you acted with Emilia and how fast you got back up why didn't you just loop the beating?” Beatrice had guessed there were limits Subaru showed it himself when he couldn't save Rem it seems there are check points at least from what she had guessed.
“I…back then I didn't really think about looping even if I did. I doubt I have taken it but yeah, I was not the best back then” Subaru still felt guilty to this day about what he did at the announcement of the selection which was probably the biggest sin he had done.
Beatrice's face changed expressions but she forced it to go back to normal.
“If Betty can give her opinion, you're being too hard on yourself. Yes, you were in the wrong but it’s not like anyone actually died or you actually hurt someone it was just Subaru being a little more stupid than average. Of course, that doesn't make what you did right but Betty just sees it as that one cringe moment we all had I suppose” Subaru smiled as he heard this.
“Cringe? Are you starting to pick up on what I say?” Subaru start petting Beatrice.
“I suppose it only fair the older sister takes after her little brother” Subaru decided not to tease her this time.
“Though, if Subaru was truly a manipulator he could have told Betty he was that person and Betty would have no way to verify, I suppose. Betty would probably accept it out of desperation so that leaves one question: why, I suppose?” Beatrice asked her final question. Beatrice didn't believe Subaru was some grand manipulator or using her in any way because Subaru was too kind. Would a manipulator self-harm in front of her? Would someone using her tell them all they can about themselves and spend much time with them? Perhaps the other camps or other people would say that he was in fact manipulating Beatrice, not knowing how truly close they were to each other like knowing about Subaru’s self-harm.
“I just felt it was unfair to lie to you. Well, I didn't give it much thought, but I didn't want our relationship to be based on a lie plus as I said when we were in that library you don't need a random person to be happy” Beatrice eyes closed for a moment.
Subaru was truly kind.
“Would you have looped if you were unable to save me?” Beatrice needed the answer to this.
“I….yes” Subaru could not lie to himself if Beatrice were to truly die he would probably be unable to live on. He truly wanted to keep his promise to Satella, but he no longer could lie to himself or Beatrice.
“It’s death… Death the trigger I suppose” Subaru face was all what was needed for Beatrice to understand it.
Subaru constantly had nightmares. She even heard some of the names of the camp members including herself being said and Beatrice had assumed they were nightmares where they were with Subaru being hurt, but she can't help but think perhaps they were the one hurting Subaru.
Did she kill Subaru on-
Beatrice was all of a sudden hugged by Subaru who was having a panic attack.
“Subaru calm down please listen to me just as we practiced do deep breaths” Beatrice tried her best to calm Subaru down.
“You’re not dead? So he was saying the truth” Subaru's voice came out through his tears and Beatrice almost heard him say sorry for something she didn't understand.
Subaru didn't believe he would be able to handle seeing her body disappearing into mana nor could he handle leaving Beatrice to die alone so he did the only thing that he thought would help be with Beatrice comforting her as she died, but it seems the host really kept his part of the deal.
During the theater, Subaru made a deal with the host in exchange for not purposely using his ability the host would allow the taboo to not kill people if they figured Return by Death out on their own and as such, Beatrice who has figured Return by Death on her own.
“I can Return by Death…” Subaru's voice was weak. No, it was better to say he purposely kept it quiet so anyone that heard him would not die.
“I know, Betty was truly an idiot for not noticing for not figuring out until now” Beatrice started to cry the tears that were being held back from the moment she had the possibility of death being the activation finally spilled out.
As such Subaru confessed everything to Beatrice.