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“The Earth is flat.” one of the boys at the science classroom told his friend and our usual nerd heroine entered the scene as she glared at the boy and started to prove her points.
“Mr Flins, I begged to differ but that theory is a fallacy.”
It’s Sandrone. A hype nerd who’s always up for debates. With her glasses, loose ponytail and a clean uniform, she rocks the entire campus with her facts.
“Sandrone, don’t roast a flat earther. They might gang up on you and take you to the edge of the Earth. Your legs manifest its fear of heights.” It was her friend slash the school president, Arlecchino who has more controversial views of the Earth’s shape.
“Well, roasting a flat earther is much better than your delusional set of fantasies and my height is okay, thank you.” Sandrone expressed her dislike as she scrunched her nose.
“The Earth is a doughnut and the reason why the sky is blue is that we see the ocean above us. It’s 2026! Everything is possible!” Arlecchino defended herself.
“Can you stop associating everything with food?” Sandrone sighed.
Flins spoke words that triggered Sandrone again, “The Earth is flat, we’re living on Dragon Ball Z.”
“The Earth is round! I saw a video from NASA!” Sandrone insisted.
“That was fabricated!” Flins countered.
“If the Earth was flat, I’ll kick your stupid ass first on the edge!”
“Gravity will hold me!”
“Shut up you fools! The Earth is a doughnut and it’s lunchtime, I want to eat!” Arlecchino complained.
“If Earth is a doughnut then meteorites and asteroids are ants!” Sandrone started to give out her science lecture to her friends when the group of popular girls entered their classroom and saw the ruckus all about.
Two pretty girls entered the scene. Furina, the most popular theater member and the queen of the campus and leader of the school choir, Columbina.
“Bina, I didn’t have my homework with me.” Furina lamented. Columbina saw the guy with purple hair and smiled.
“Not a problem, we can just ask some boys to do it for us, Furina.”
“You and your fans.”
Their chitchats were cut short by a commotion caused by an angry nerd.
“Apollo did not land on the Moon.”
“He’s right. The footprints aren't his size.”
“THERE WAS A FOOTAGE!”
“Why is it so noisy- Oh, it’s just the nerds having a debate. AGAIN.”
It was a pretty girl.
Fucking
Perfect
Face
HYPOSELENIA.
With her ombre hair down, red lipstick and ribbon on her hair, she has the power to gather the people around her.
“Columbina, Can I have your number? I’ll trade my annoying classmate, Sandrone, as a return to being your slave.” It was Flins who immediately ran to Columbina and left Sandrone in the middle of her speech.
Columbina blinks and looks at Flins quizzically.
“Sandrone who?”
“Hey Flins!”
Then, Columbina saw an angry dwarf coming at their direction.
“Interesting. I love Snow White, but I need six more dwarves.” she dryly commented.
“Excuse me Ms. Columbina Hyposelenia, but my BMI is proportional to my height, thank you.”
Columbina’s eyes widened and glared at Sandrone. “How did you know my real name anyway?”
“I am the vice president of the student council. Of course, I have access to the database of students.” Sandrone said as a matter of fact.
“Oh, I didn’t know the vice president existed.” Furina shrugged.
“It’s compulsory for the school organizational structure to have a vice president.” Sandrone was about to cite the school manual until Columbina stopped her.
“We get it, Sandrone.” Then she looked at Flins and back at Furina.
“Oh, no. I forgot my homework.” She acted worried and shocked and Flins was quick enough to come for an aid.
“Let me do it for you!”
“Thanks, Flins.” Columbina winked at him, Flins nodded like a dog and Sandrone grimaced.
“That’s cheating.” she commented.
“It’s not cheating if the other party was willing to do it.” Columbina winked at her and went on her usual seat.
“Do you have a sandwich?” Arlecchino asked lazily at Furina.
“And who are you?”
“The great Knave, Arlecchino.”
“What the actual fuck? You’re THE KNAVE, Arlecchino? This sounds like a bogus!” Furina heard good things about the president, she didn’t know that it’s just this lazy girl who asks random people for sandwiches.
“This isn't a scam, the world is a doughnut and I want one.”
“It’s not!” Sandrone disagreed.
“Shut the fuck up, Sandrone.”
“I only have a cheeseburger on my bag.” Furina offered to the president.
“That’s okay, beggars can’t be choosers. Gimme.”
When Arlecchino inspected the insides of the bun, she was disappointed.
“The cheese is missing, this isn’t a cheeseburger.”
“Do you want it or not?” Furina rolled her eyes and was about to steal the sandwich from Arlecchino but Arlecchino lifted it up on her head to not be reached.
“What’s given cannot be taken.”
And Sandrone continued to stare at Columbina’s face as she leaned closer to the girl’s face as if she’s having her quality check.
“W-What?”
“Nothing, you look like a flawless genes specimen that has a perfect DNA structure.” Sandrone said seriously and Columbina became red.
“Are you hitting on me?” Columbina was shocked.
“Miss Columbina, I will never resort to violence.”
Columbina put a palm on her face and sighed frustratedly, “When will this period end?” she groaned.
Meanwhile, Sandrone was thinking hard.
“It’s unusual, I couldn’t find any imperfection on her face.”
She had a new mission inside her head. Aside from proving to Flins that the Earth isn’t flat and proving to Arlecchino that the Earth isn’t a doughnut, she’s determined to find imperfection on Columbina.
‘Because a perfect human being doesn’t exist.’
***
Columbina was peacefully eating lunch in the cafeteria until she choked when she felt someone sat in front of her just to stare at her.
“U-huk!-Goodness gracious, Sandrone!” She put her hands on her chest and drank her water.
“It’s odd that you eat your noodles gracefully.” Sandrone seriously told her and she frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s like you make everyone want to eat noodles too. It’s almost an advertisement.”
“Huh? Errr… My friends are coming any minute, do you mind?” Columbina hid her blushes as she looked down.
‘Seriously, this girl says all the weirdest things with her expressionless face. Is she on drugs?’ Columbina thought to herself.
“No, I don’t mind.” Sandrone stood up before giving her a last look and said, “I’ll keep my eye on you, Ms. Hyposelenia.”
And Columbina was left gaping in awe wondering what just had happened.
‘What the fuck was that?’
***
At the library, Columbina saw Sandrone struggling to get a book from the shelf. She almost laughed out loud that the librarian glared at her.
“Sorry.” She made a peace sign and stood beside Sandrone to take the book.
But bitch didn’t give it to poor Sandrone.
And Sandrone looked so betrayed when Columbina took it by herself and sat on the chair nearby.
‘That’s what you get for making me blush at lunch. My friends thought I had an allergy attack!’ Columbina smirked when she saw Sandrone came to her ready to lay down her arguments.
“Excuse me, Miss Columbina. I need that book for my research.” Columbina looked at the book cover.
The title of the book is ‘Kill All the Flat Earthers With Your Facts.’
“Nope, I got it first.” she gave Sandrone a shrug and proceeded to open the book’s content. Sandrone sat in front of her in defeat to wait for the book.
“Holy shit, what the fuck is this book? Who even thinks that the Earth is flat?” Columbina bursted into fits of giggles and Sandrone felt as if time started to move so slowly as she watched the ethereal Hyposelenia having the fun time of her life.
“Columbina, what’s the shape of the Earth?” Sandrone asked and Columbina looked at her confusedly. It’s the first time Sandrone called her by her first name.
“Uh, it’s round?”
‘I think I found the right person for me.’
Since then, Sandrone started hitting on her in the nerdest way as possible.
***
Arlecchino kept pestering Furina for a sandwich so she followed Furina on the toilet even if the latter insisted to relieve her dump but they heard murmurs and cries in the bathroom stall.
“I SWEAR ARLECCHINO, PLEASE LEAVE, I NEED TO DO THIS SHIT OF THE CENTURY AND I DON’T NEED YOU TALKING ABOUT SANDWICHES WHILE I DO IT!” Furina exclaimed in frustration.
“A doughnut is not a sandwich, Miss Furina.” Arlecchino said and they heard someone wail.
“Waaahh!” It sounds like a kid crying.”
“I-Is there a ghost here?” Arlecchino asked and Furina widened her eyes, her urge to go for number two was postponed by fear.
“Who’s that? Get out or I’ll call the reptilians from agartha to kick your ass!” Furina threatened.
Then someone kicked the bathroom stall and screamed, “THE HOLLOW EARTH THEORY IS A HOAX!”
It was Sandrone and her red eyes.
“Sandrone? Why are you crying?” Arlecchino asked when she saw Sandrone holding a toilet paper on her hands to dry her tears.
“Remember, the toilet paper isn’t for the face, it’s for the ass!” Arlecchino looked so offended.
“She’s so pretty, it made me cry.” Sandrone seriously stated.
“Who?” Furina asked.
“Columbina Hyposelenia.”
Then, Furina bursted into fits.
“HAHAHA! Wait til you see her drool in her sleep!”
“I couldn’t find imperfection in her existence. I’m starting to think that science reached its epitome.”
“So, my dear friend finally has a crush?” Arlecchino teased.
“She looks so perfect all the way from her top to squishy bottoms.” Sandrone groaned.
“Don’t worry about the perfect ass Columbina...I’ll help you.” Furina wiggled her brows.
“Yeah, I don’t worry about anything more than my favorite anime character dying.” Sandrone nodded frantically.
The three of them started to plot the plan ‘HOW TO GET COLUMBINA TO BANG ME.’
***
They were inside the classroom during their idle time. Furina was playing games on her laptop and Flins, Arlecchino and Sandrone were watching her. Furina rolled her eyes and turned the game off.
“Are you sure you want to exist?” Arlecchino mispronounced the word exit when she read the game notification.
“The problem with people is that they exist and they do not know why.” Furina sighed.
“Does it matter why?” Flins asked while watching Furina close the game.
“Girls always like to know why.”
Arlecchino was drinking her soda until she dropped in on Furina’s laptop when she saw Sandrone.
“HOLY SHIT!”
“YEAH, HOLY SHIT YOU BROKE MY LAPTOP!”
It was Sandrone who looked as chic today as if she’s out to impress someone.
“Sandrone, with this look, I can pretend that the world is round!” Flins went beside her to look at her face and Sandrone scoffed.
“My interest in men is like my interest in maths. Girls are like english literature for me. I like Shakespeare.”
“Ramen are the best type of men.”
“We can talk about girls but girls like mathematics more than english literature so my engagement with my cat is serious. We’re in a long term partnership.” Arlecchino shrugged as Furina pinched her ears.
“YOU! TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!”
“OMG, FURINA, ARE YOU PREGNANT?!” It was Columbina who just walked in the room with snacks on her hands.
“I’M PREGNANT WITH THE GREAT ANXIETY THAT MY THESIS FILES ARE INSIDE MY LAPTOP AND IT’S BROKEN!”
“Oh.”
“Relax, Sandrone can fix it!” Arlecchino said and Sandrone nodded.
“Easy as pie.”
Then she looked at her left and dropped her snacks in the process.
It was Sandrone looking better than her snacks.
“Oh.”
“Are you the F5 key? Because you refreshed me.” Sandrone made her way to Columbina’s chair.
“What.” Sandrone leaned to bring her face close to Columbina who was totally freaking out what was happening.
“Baby, you turn my software into hardware.”
“I swear, you’re hitting on me.”
“Maybe, is it working?”
“It’s not.” Then Columbina drank her water to lower down her temperature and her racing heart.
‘It’s just hot outside, yeah.’
“If you like water, you already like 75 percent of me.” She spat her water on Sandrone’s face in the process and Sandrone just closed her eyes and patted her face with her hanky. Columbina thought she’s going to die when she coughed in fits.
“Don’t die yet, remember my last name coz it’s gonna be yours.”
“I don't even know your last name.”
“It's Guillotin.”
“Ah, leave me alone.” Columbina wanted to cry because of the situation she suddenly was trapped in.
“Let’s go out?”
“WHAT?”
Then, Furina came yelling at her, “Come on, just say yes to her so she can fix my laptop for free!”
“Furina, you’re selling your own best friend for your laptop?” Columbina looks offended.
Disappointed but not shocked.
“Much better than losing my level in my game.”
Columbina shook her head and saw Flins at the side.
‘Perfect, I haven't done my homework.’
“Oh, no. I forgot to do my homework!” another fake gasped.
“Let me help you!” Flins was about to come to the rescue , but Sandrone tripped him over.
“Ow!”
“I’ll help you do it.” Sandrone happily took Columbina’s homework.
“I didn’t proofread my homework.” Columbina said as she noticed Sandrone looking at her unfinished homework in disgust.
“Grammar is important, Columbina.”
“You got what I mean.” Columbina shrugged.
“Still… ‘Let’s eat, kids.’ Is far different from `Let’s eat kids.’”
“Make sense.”
“So, are you going to date me?” Sandrone asked with confidence.
“It’s still a no.”
Arlecchino and Furina looked at each other.
‘This can’t be, I need to fix my laptop.’
“How about a girls’ night out at my flat?” Furina asked
“Can I come?” Flins asked.
“Unless you’re a girl.”
‘Damn it.’
***
Furina had a pizza party at her home. Flins was not invited because it’s a girls’ night out and an obtuse angle is not welcome at their flat. And Sandrone’s ‘I hate dicks’ shirt speaks volume. (Except maybe the Knave.)
Arlecchino, poured hot sauce on all slices of pizza so no one will eat it anymore.
Greedy bitch.
But her friends won’t let her have it.
“Let’s have a dare. Winner takes my allowance for the week.” Arlecchino said to stop her friends from getting her precious pizza.
“WE’RE FUCKING GAME, KNAVE!”
A dripping hot sauce game.
Columbina started it by eating a teaspoon of hot sauce.
Arlecchino used a straw.
Furina gulping on the bottle.
But the winner of the night is Sandrone who snorts it in.
They were all left speechless and in awe as they clapped their hands.
“You are fucking legendary, Sandrone.”
“That’s hot.” Columbina commented.
“You mean me?”
“Your libido is showing.” Arlecchino cringed.
“No my tongue, like literally.”
“I got to puke.” Furina ran to the bathroom and Columbina tripped her over.
“No way, let me in first!”
And all of them were shitfaced in the bathroom, vomiting the shit they did.
***
Sandrone used Arlecchino’s allowance that she won through a dare to ask Columbina on a date. After Furina pleaded with her best friend a thousand times, Columbina said yes.
They ended up at a fancy restaurant, all thanks to Arlecchino’s allowance.
“I have a dream.”
“Of becoming a hero. Probably saving the entire nation. In that way, people would glorify me and put my face on money and make my birthday a national holiday.”
“Sounds fun.”
“But I have to die in order to do that.”
“Don’t.”
“I think you have a nice set of genes, would you like to produce offspring with me?”
“Scientifically speaking, we can’t.”
“Oh, no. Everything is possible with Science.”
Despite Sandrone's annoying pick up lines, Columbina couldn’t deny that she’s indeed attracted to this girl. Her beautiful eyes, charming laugh and unique personality was enough to make her heartbeat fast and her face blush.
“I cannot produce an offspring with you, but I can be your girlfriend.”
And Sandrone never jumped so high and her paper strength multiplied when she lifted Columbina at her seat, spun her around and gave her an unforgettable kiss.
“You’re mine!”
‘Always forever.’
***
Columbina and Sandrone. The perfect couple on their campus. The unknown vice president and the campus queen dating became a hot topic and their fairy godmothers, Furina and Arlecchino were proud of their creation not until the two can’t keep their hands to themselves.
“Can you fucking stop the PDA? It makes me feel like I'm the loneliest third wheel on Earth!” Furina grimaced as she looked at Columbina who was being like a koala on Sandrone’s lap as the vice president did her school duty.
“Shut up, Furina. You can hook up with the Knave anytime of the day. Just bring her fucking sandwich.”
“What did you like about Columbina? She’s a whiny bitch.”
“She said the earth is round.” Sandrone looked at Columbina lovingly and Columbina gave her a loving kiss. Before the kiss gets passionate, Furina gagged and left the room.
‘Fucking rabbits.’
‘You’re perfect,’
‘Best decision I’ve ever made.’
***
One day, Sandrone learned it the hard way that nothing in the world is really perfect when her relationship with Columbina became rocky. She found herself constantly jealous of how popular Columbina was with the boys. She even proposed to the Dean to make their school ‘All Girls University.’
Columbina would look at her disappointingly and would tell her, “Do you not trust me?”
It makes Sandrone feel bad, but she can’t change how she feels.
Columbina started to avoid her.
“He’s not even worth it to breathe the same air as her.” Sandrone stabbed her food angrily.
“Leave the food alone, or give it to me.” Arlecchino looked at Sandrone as if she had committed an immoral sin.
“You’re jealous.” Furina teased.
Sandrone scoffed and laughed out loud but ended up in defeating tone.
“Me? Jealous? HAHAHAHHA, yes..”
Sandrone overheard that Flins would ask Columbina out on a date, he’s her lab partner and he invited her to do their project at his home. She saw Columbina laugh with him.
It breaks her heart.
And Columbina said yes, so Sandrone punched him on the face.
“Sandrone, you’re being irrational!” Columbina exclaimed.
“I’m sorry for being jealous. I just feel insecure everytime I think that someone makes you smile and laugh more than I could.”
“I can’t breathe, I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore with you. Let’s break up.”
“I’m just afraid to lose you.”
“You just did.”
And Sandrone disappeared on the campus before Columbina could make up her mind and regret her decision for asking for a break up.
‘She left without a word.’
That breaks her heart even more.
***
After years of improving herself, Sandrone finally got at the top of her game as one of the richest and most beautiful people alive in the world. Her pharmaceutical company grew as she found the right cure for coronavirus. The government paid her billions of money to use the partition to buy cars she doesn’t even know how to drive.
But still, she still feels empty.
All because of the girl who broke her heart during high school.
Sandrone was bar hopping with her re-found friends Arlecchino and Furina, but vile Arlecchino needed to invite Columbina and make Sandrone’s heart beat faster even more than before.
“S-She’s here too?”
“Ooops, sorry. I forgot to tell you.” Arlecchino fake gasped.
‘Bitch.’
The longing was intense.
When Columbina saw Sandrone, she walked away and Sandrone came running to catch up.
“Columbina, wait!”
“You abominable dwarf, I will-”
“Stop running!”
“Don’t come near me, I already moved on. You have no right. It was so hard to get over you and yet you just have to break everything I worked for.”
“You were the one who asked for a break up.”
“You didn’t have to transfer school the next day!”
“What am I supposed to do then? Beg? I will never do that.”
“You abominable dwarf, I will-”
“Why you never finish it off?!”
“No wonder you two didn’t work.” Furina slyly commented as she passed by the two.
“SHUT UP.” The two said in sync and Furina just shrugged.
Sandrone held Columbina’s wrist.
“Can we talk? Like normal adults.”
“For fuck sake Columbina, you cried over that girl for years, just say yes and have your closure!” Furina rolled her eyes and passed Columbina a drink.
Columbina took it like a champ before she said, “Yes.”
Furina went to the bathroom to fix her makeup.
She saw a signage on the bathroom, ‘Jesus said no cocaine in the bathroom.’
“Does he say anything about alcohol?” she asked Arlecchino who’s going to use the bathroom as well.
“Nope, he loves wine.”
“Great, I won’t be crucified.”
“It makes the whole choir sing.”
“Do you… Do you want to get out of here?” Arlecchino asked.
“Took you so long, Knave.” Furina smirked and took Arlecchino’s hand to get out of the bar together going only god knows where to do only god knows what.
***
Columbina couldn’t sleep after meeting with Sandrone. She recalled Sandrone’s last words to her.
‘Please give us a chance again?’
She called her bestfriend’s number in SOS.
“Furina, I don’t know what to do!”
“Is that why you’re calling me at 3 AM?”
“Babe, who’s that?” Columbina heard on the line.
“Baby Knave, go back to sleep. It’s Columbina.”
“The fuck? You hooked up with the Knave?”
“Duh… we’re meant for each other. Anyway, what’s up? Make it quick. I’m sleepy.”
“My regrets are big but they only come at 3AM.” Columbina to Furina when they were having a girl talk over Columbina meeting Sandrone again.
“So, let me get this straight. She wants you back?”
“Yes.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I told her I’ll think about it.”
“Pathetic bitch, she’s already back. Don’t lose her again.”
“Do you have her number?”
“Say please.”
“Please.”
“That was quick.”
And Columbina didn’t sleep that night thinking about how she would feel if she lost Sandrone again.
‘I can’t lose her again.’
***
She invited Sandrone for a sleepover. To catch up, to talk things out, maybe to kiss again. All that matters to her is how are they going to make things work again. But she’s thinking maybe it’s too sudden.
“Do you want a drink?” Columbina offered.
“Okay, sure.” Sandrone sat on Columbina’s bed and was surprised seeing Columbina getting the suspicious liquor from the bathroom cabinet
“I usually have a bottle of gin in my nightstand rather than a bathroom cupboard though. It’s more convenient to drink in bed than in the bathroom.” she commented
“I agree that it’s convenient to drink in bed, just mind what you're watching on your phone.” Columbina gave her a smirk.
“Ehh, I don’t need to be drunk to have to watch out for what I’m watching. It’s not hard to stumble on something that’s truly cursed.”
“That’s the real spirit. It’s within you not caged inside a bottle of liquor.”
“How have you been through the years?” Columbina asked.
“Terrible, because I missed you.” Sandrone looked at her sincerely.
“I do too.”
“How’s Flins?”
“He auditioned as a boyfriend but gets cast as a father.” Columbina shrugged.
“Y-You and Flins have a baby?!”
“What the fuck? Nooo! Other women.”
“Wow, he’s a daddy now.” Sandrone laughed in relief.
“He taught his children that the world is flat.”
“It is only a matter of time before his wife divorce him.”
They laughed as they remembered the old times.
“Columbina… shall we get back together?” Sandrone asked with eyes filled with hopes.
Columbina looked down and said, “Can we be friends again first?”
She just didn’t know that her future self would hate the old Columbina for saying that statement.
“Sure.”
***
Columbina and Sandrone decided to be friends again. They hangout again with Arlecchino and Furina to pub crawl in the club.
Sandrone grew up to be so beautiful. She’s rich, she’s successful and she became popular with the girls which made Columbina’s blood reach its boiling point.
Sandrone just said ‘Excused me.’ to a girl, Columbina to Sandrone. “Who is she?”
That made Furina and Arlecchino snort in laughter.
“Oh, I don’t know her.” Sandrone said innocently.
“Keep close to me.”
“Okay.”
A minute later, a girl approached Sandrone to ask for her number.
“Hi, uhm, you’re cute. Can I have your number?”
“Uhm, you see I-”
“She’s not interested.” Columbina said and Sandrone looked at her in surprise.
“Sorry.” Sandrone said to the girl and the girl left sadly.
“Are you okay, Columbina?” Sandrone asked her worriedly.
“I’m fine.” she said coldly.
Sandrone suddenly smiled.
“What’s so funny?” Columbina was pissed off as she watched Arlecchino mix the red bull with vodka.
“Is that drink supposed to make me float and see the afterlife?”
“Ever heard of saying that red bull gives you wings?”
“Jealousy suits you.” Furina commented.
“The fuck makes you think I’m jealous?”
“The word fuck did.”
“Me, jealous? Ha. very funny.”
“I’m not jealous, I just don’t like that girl.”
“You’re cute.”
“Sandrone, let’s dance!” Arlecchino asked her as she passed the drinks to Columbina and Sandrone.
“This drink looks like death.”
“Cheers to life!”
And Columbina gulped the entire shot as she watched Sandrone dancing on the dance floor with random strangers trying to be around her.
‘Can’t they just leave her alone?’ she was very annoyed that she yelled “SCRAM!” at the boy who was trying to ask her out.
“Someone’s jealous.”
“I’m not!”
“Okay Miss ‘I don’t get jealous, seconds later, who the fuck is that girl?.’”
“I want her back, but what if it didn’t work out again?”
“You have no right to be jealous when you’re not the girlfriend anymore and besides you’ll never know if you don’t even try.” Furina commented when Columbina asked for advice.
“But I can’t help it, that’s how I feel.”
“Now you understand her feelings before.”
‘She was jealous because she cares.’ and Columbina cried because she realized her mistake.
***
Columbina had the worst hangover of her life. It’s like she died a hundred times to be resurrected in puke and headache.
“Oh dear Jesus, where am I?” She looked around the room. “Is this the red bull vodka after life?”
‘Did I do something stupid last night?’ she was alarmed at the thought of her cheating from Sandrone even if they are not together anymore.
“You have to open your GPS to be located.” someone answered her question.
She sighed in relief when she saw Sandrone sitting on the edge of the bed to check on her.
“Are you okay?”
“The worst drink I ever had was when they mixed vodka with redbull. I feel fucked. Harder than hentai.” Columbina explained what she's feeling.
Sandrone giggled.
“Why did you drink too much?” she asked.
“I...It’s embarrassing.”
“Tell me.”
“I got jealous and I am not even your girlfriend yet. To think that I broke up with you before because you got jealous, I feel pathetic.” Columbina covered her face in shame.
Sandrone gave her a bone crushing hug and kissed her head.
“Why don’t you make me your girlfriend instead? You look cute when you’re jealous.” she pinched Columbina’s squishy cheeks.
“Would you still want me?” Columbina suddenly felt insecure.
Sandrone smiled and asked her a question instead.
“If you’ll write your life story in a few sentences, what would it be?”
“It would be a life story in a few sentences I suppose.” Columbina shrugged.
“Perfect!” Sandrone stared at her in awe, “ Let’s get married tomorrow and create AI babies. Live on Mars, have a honeymoon at the Moon and die on the Sun together.”
And that made Columbina smile so wide.
“Sounds good to me, as long as we can try that fuck harder than hentai thing.”
“I’m a lazy girl, I don’t usually try things harder.”
“There’s always an option to be lazy together.”
“What happens if I decline your marriage proposal?”
“We’ll stick on locating Jesus together.”
“Sounds like a plan”
“If you ever get jealous, just know that I’m yours.”
And they kissed again and it wasn’t their last because they have a lifetime to spend together.
The two of them understand that jealousy isn’t necessarily bad. It shows that they care for each other and love each other unconditionally.
After the fuck harder than hentai night together, they received a phone call at 3 am from Furina.
“Bitch, you better have a good reason why you called me at 3 AM.” Columbina said with her eyes closed.
“Excuse you, it's not like you didn't do this before.” Furina scoffed.
“Okay, that's fair. To what do I owe you the phone call?”
“Uhm, so I was delayed on my period for a while…”
“Is that why you called me at 3 AM?!”
“Chill… there's more.”
“Go on.”
“I had a pregnancy test this morning and it turned out positive.”
“What the actual fuck?! You’re pregnant?!” Columbina opened both of her eyes in surprise and sat up immediately, Sandrone bolted up beside her and asked dumbly, “You're pregnant already?”
“No, Furina.”
“What?!” Columbina put her phone on speaker.
“Knave doesn't know yet.” Furina said on the line.
“We can surprise her, tomorrow is father’s day.” Sandrone suggested and Columbina smiled slyly and Furina seemed to be pleased on the line.
“I’d like that.”
The next day…
Arlecchino was chilling on her flat looking at the television.
“Congratulations, you are not the father of the child!” The television program could be heard in the living room. She laughed as she ate her sandwich.
“Babies in 2026? In this economy? Never mind.” Arlecchino enjoyed her me time until she heard her door bell.
When she opened her door, she saw Sandrone and Columbina holding a cake. Furina was singing on the other side.
“Congratulations, Congratulations….”
“Uh…”
She looked at the cake’s dedication, “Happy Father’s day!”
“Congratulations, Arlecchino!” Sandrone and Columbina cheered in sync. Arlecchino looked at them confusedly then looked at Furina.
“Happy Father’s Day, baby! I'm pregnant.” Furina gave Arlecchino a smooch and hearing that, Arlecchino passed out immediately.
‘Shit.’