Work Text:
r/nosleep • 12 minutes ago
minhopudding
My boyfriend died a year ago. I keep getting messages from him on Facebook.
My boyfriend died a year ago. He loved spring, and he had been trying to see one of his friends that day. He was hit by a drunk driver trying to run from a police officer, and it killed him on impact. It was on the fourteenth of April, 2017. Hyunjin meant everything to me, and I can tell you that phone call killed me. I was at work, and it had been a slow day when I got the call. 4:46 PM.
I met Hyunjin when he was in his senior year of high school. I had just started my sophomore year of university, but I had known then despite how young we were that Hyunjin was who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Hyunjin was just about to finish his junior year of university when he was hit.
We had four years together, and while they were short, I would trade nothing for those memories we made together. He was scared of marriage, because he saw what it had done to his best friend's parents growing up. He was terrified of that ever happening to him. I think if he hadn't been scared, I would have married him as soon as I had the chance.
Hyunjin was an angel. He was dramatic when he wanted to be, and our friends joked that he stood like a pregnant woman at times. He overreacted at things that the normal person wouldn't, and he wore his heart on his sleeve. He liked swimming and painting the most out of everyhting he did, but you could see how happy he was when he did just about anything. He had a perfume collection, but somehow, he alwyas stuck to vanilla scents.
Neither of us were perfect. No one can be perfect in a relationship, but it was enough for us. Hyunjin always told me that he wanted to die before me because he didn't know how he could ever live in a world where I wasn't in, and I hate that he got his wish without me making sure he know how much I cared. How I would have done anything for him in a heartbeat if he would have just admited to me he needed me.
One of the things he would tell me was that he didn't want anyone to paint him out to be someone he wasn't. I get that. I always have. Hyunjin was sunlight on a rainy day. He lit up every room he walked into, but he was also a bit miserable when he was upset. He struggled a lot. He wasn't a big fan of touch, but neither am I. We made it work the way that we knew how, and I never wanted him to leave. He did leave, though, and that's why I'm writing this.
I'm writing this because I don't know what else there is for me to do. I'm confused, and scared out of my mind. Hyunjin started texting me about ten months after he died.
February Ninth, 2018
____ Hyunjin ₆:₁₉ ₚₘ
hi
__ Minho ₆:₁₉ ₚₘ
Hello? It's weird for you to be messaging me off Jinnie's account.
Just text me off your own account, Lix. I don't bite.
____ Hyunjin ₆:₂₇ ₚₘ
hi
__ Minho ₆:₄₃ ₚₘ
Felix, c'mon. Text me on your own account instead of your brothers.
February Ninth was a weird day. In a way, with the context of the friend group me and Hyunjin had, I could see it making a bit of sense. Our youngest friend would have had his birthday on the eighth, and if Hyunjin had been alive, he would have been the one to throw a party. It was just the type of person he was.
When Hyunjin died, I didn’t want to memorialize his account. I thought I had, then it meant everything would be over and the actual pain of losing him would be set in stone. By the time I ever even considered it, it had been about four months. I talked to his younger brother about it, and the two of us decided that we would keep it up. That was who I thought had originally been the one texting me since his brother had all of his passwords even before Hyunjin died.
I didn’t really understand why Felix would text me off that account, but I assumed it was an accident or a sick prank. Even if he wasn’t the type of person to do something like that, it was all my brain was able to come up with.
April Third, 2018
____ Hyunjin ₉:₂₃ ₐₘ
hi
something tells me we should go to the park when you get the chance
__ Minho ₉:₂₅ ₐₘ
Who the fuck is this? You’re not Felix.
____ Hyunjin ₉:₂₆ ₐₘ
lover lover lover is hurt cause she went away
lover lover love is gone, no matter what i say
__ Minho ₉:₂₆ₐₘ
You're not funny at all by doing this, do you know that? Tell me who you are.
Felix had told me he doesn't like logging into that account because of how much he misses Hyunjin, and with the fact I knew he would never dream of doing this to me, I had no idea who it could have been. Hyunjin was someone who knew everyone and anyone, and he was such a kind soul to everyone he interacted with. People loved him, adored him even, but it did cross my mind it could have been someone he knew.
I remembered that Hyunjin had sent me that message about going to the park about a week and a half before he got into the accident, and the hi was repeated so much that it made me realize whoever was sending the messages had been sending messages Hyune had sent from old conversations we had.
The other part of his message were lyrics to a song he was working on for his birthday. He never ended up finishing it, but he had said he would come back to it the following year. He never had that chance, but I knew how excited he had been about it while he was still alive. Seeing it be reused in those old messages had hurt a lot more than I would have ever expected.
I don’t usually swear. Or at least, I never swore in front of Hyunjin because he wasn’t the biggest fan of it. So, I do apologize for the cursing. I think most people would have said a lot worse if they were in my situation.
It was so unbelievably creepy. I didn’t like it, how could anyone like it? I got another text about a week after that.
April Eleventh, 2018
____ Hyunjin ₁:₅₉ ₚₘ
the people think we are because of changbin hyung, and i think it’s cute
__ Minho ₂:₀₀ ₚₘ
What is your issue? Do you really think this is funny? Hyunjin is dead dead, he won’t come back. Sending messages he’s said in the past won’t make the accident not happen. Get over it and stop traumatizing the both of us.
____ Hyunjin ₂:₀₀ ₚₘ
hi
__ Minho ₂:₀₃ ₚₘ
You’re a horrible person, and the worst is coming for you.
I didn’t want to answer the messages, but it was still coming from his account. I know I said to the person to get over him and that he wasn’t going to come back, but that was more for me than it was for them. I just wanted my Hyunjin back.
I think if you’ve ever experienced grief, you can see why I would say what I did but still be hurting and wanting him to come back to me. Hyunjin was my everything, and I hate the person who took him away from me every day I live and breathe.
Hyunjin was so sweet, and his passing was unreal for everyone who knew him. The fact that someone could use his account to do something like this to someone who loved him as deeply as he loved everything to do with nature was insane.
Anyone who knew Hyunjin knew how much he loved people, and what he would give for his loved ones to be happy. I thought they were sick and twisted. I don’t make sense.
In May of 2018, Hyunjin’s account start tagging himself in pictures where he probably would’ve been if he was still alive. It had been thirteen months since he was gone, and it had took so long for the entire group to be able to start hanging out again without him.
I got the notifications for the posts he would tag himself in, and all of our other friends did as well. The tag usually got removed by the time I got to it, and a few of my friends had tried taking a picture of it but they were never able to do so. It sounds insane, but it happened to all of us.
Though, the only person who ever got the messages was me. I think Hyunjin’s brother Felix thought that I had something to do with it, but he would never actually admit that to me. It hurt a lot to know he thought that, but I guess I couldn’t be all that surprised.
I had a hard time sleeping after it all started to happen. I’ve never been one with insomnia, but me and Hyunjin used to stay up all night dancing quite a few times throughout our relationship. I didn’t dance, though. I would just sit and watch the wall where we would have been two years prior.
In reality, I wasn’t over Hyunjin. I can never be over him. I didn’t delete my facebook, because I couldn’t. He was my angel then, and will remain my angel for the rest of my life, and all of our old photos were on our accounts.
Does it make sense? I’m still grieving him, and this situation has made it ten times worse. I didn’t want to memorialize his account because it didn’t seem right. It wasn’t something he would have done.
So, I sent the account a message in May.
May Twenty-fourth, 2018
__ Minho ₇:₁₄ ₚₘ
I don’t know why you keep doing this to people who are grieving Hyunjin. It’s not cute, and it makes matters worse for everyone.
I got my answer a week later.
May Thirty-first, 2018
____ Hyunjin ₂:₃₄ ₐₘ
hi
__ Minho ₂:₃₈ ₐₘ
You’re making it worse. What if you did this to Felix? That would crush him. You’re doing this to me because you’re a monster.
What do you even get out of this?
____ Hyunjin ₂:₃₈ ₐₘ
jeonginnie is so cute and smells like bread
__ Minho ₂:₃₉ ₐₘ
Go to fucking hell.
____ Hyunjin ₂:₃₉ ₐₘ
You’re a horrible person, and the worst is coming for you.
I think it's obvious where that last message from Hyunjin had came from. I had changed the password by the time I got the response, and even put a secruity code on it so it couldn't have been his brother. I've always believed that Felix had nothing to do with this, and it appears that I was right. It hurt to change the password, especially without telling Hyunjin's brother what it would be or that it was changed at all, but I didn't know what else there was for me to do.
I should have stopped answering the messages, honestly. I should have just stopped talking to the account and trying to make it make sense, but the messages just wouldn't stop.
A while later, I got this.
July Twelfth, 2018
____ Hyunjin ₅:₄₀ ₚₘ
i want to make sour dough bread
jisung is a weird little thing
no it's different this time
i can't do that
i can't do that
i bought six cookies at the store
our door is broken
i can't do that
It was just things he's sent before. It was like all the person in his account knew how to do was to go through our old messages and recycle the ones they thought would piss me off the most. They weren't wrong, either, because it did make me mad. Hyunjin liked making weird things, and he had brought up making sour dough a few times. I guess that's where that came from.
Hyunjin was the type of person to always buy a lot of cookies when he saw them at the store for no other reason than the fact he just liked cookies. Everyone who knew him knew he liked that kind of thing, so it wouldn't surprise me if they went searching in our messages for a time he mentioned cookies.
I still have no memory of what he was talking about in the other messages, and I've been too upset to go look back at old messages. I'm sorry that I don't have the ability to go back and look at what Hyunjin was talking about in the other messages. I don't have the ability to do a lot of things when it comes to Hyunjin.
I'm sorry there's a lot of things wrong with this situation. I'm sorry I don't know who is behind it all and that I'm going to reddit to try and get help, but I don't know what else there is for me to do. You can see, right? You can see how bad it is. I"m sorry.
July Sixteenth, 2018
____ Hyunjin ₂:₅₃ ₐₘ
jeongin wants bulgogi for the next hangout
i told them to just ask you
minho hyung
minho hyung
minho hyung
__ Minho ₄:₅₄ ₐₘ
I'm not sure what you find funny in all of this.
I don't know how you keep getting onto his account.
Please stop.
What you're doing isn't funny.
____ Hyunjin ₂:₃₉ ₐₘ
Please stop.
What you're doing isn't funny.
minho hyung
Please stop.
I didn't know anything. I was scared, and I don't have the words to describe how I was feeling. I hope that's fine. I know I keep repeating myself, and I’ll stay repeating myself until I can make sense of this whole thing.
And then, I got a message from his account with original words. It wasn’t all just recycled nonsense from our past conversations, and I’m warning you now that it broke me in a way I didn’t think was possible.
August Second, 2018
____ Hyunjin ₁:₄₄ ₚₘ
i can't sleep because hyunie is in the washing machine
it's so late
i'm cold
minho hyung?
Please stop.
fre ezin g
I'm not sure what you find funny in all of this.
I didn’t answer him because truth be told, what do you even answer to those with? Hyunjin used to always complain that he was cold, but I’ve never remembered him saying that he was freezing that way. At least the other messages he’s recycled were things I knew or things I said.
The night after he sent those messages I had a nightmare. I’ve never had a nightmare for as long as I can remember. Not since a year or two before I even met Hyunjin. I don’t want to describe it, but I think it was obvious what it was about.
Honestly, I wasn’t able to go outside for a week after he said this. I called off work saying I was throwing up and my boss (because he’s one of my closest friends) didn’t say anything. I think he knows something was wrong during that time, and that I wasn’t actually sick, but he didn’t push.
Sometimes it feels like I can still see Hyunjin. I saw him a few nights ago standing behind me in the mirror. I was drunk, though. It was at a party with my friends and I had drank too much and saw him when I went to go take a piss.
I came out of that bathroom without taking a piss and got my friend to take me home immediately after. I haven’t had that happen since, and I don’t think I ever want it to happen again.
The last text I got after that made me just go back on everything me and Felix had talked about and memorialized his page. I told Felix, and he was understanding but upset. I felt bad, but I just couldn’t deal with the messages anymore.
Not after that it used our inside joke, which is too personal for me to even want to explain, let alone take a screenshot and post it here. For that, I apologize. I will take that text to the grave, though. I couldn’t even explain all of it to his brother without breaking down right there.
Which, never happens. Especially not with the younger ones in our friend group. I never even liked to cry in front of Hyunjin.
I think it’s important to show you all the messages I sent Hyunjin when I thought he was still alive. He was supposed to text me that he was home at 4:05, because truthfully the drive from Innie’s wasn’t really that far. I texted him a few times over the 40 minutes leading up to me getting the call.
April Fourteenth, 2017
__ Minho ₄:₀₈ ₚₘ
Hey, did you get held up somewhere?
Can you pick up a gallon of milk if you're near the store? I'm not sure where you are, and find my isn't working.
I miss you sweet boy I'll see you at home.
__ Minho ₄:₂₄ ₚₘ
I had Han-ah call Jeongin, and he said you left at 3:45? Can you let me know if you're okay? Say the word and I'll tell Hyung I need to go home early.
__ Minho ₄:₃₁ ₚₘ
Hyunjinnie? I love you.
It seems a little obsessive, but Hyunjin was very fond of the fact we had each other's locations. Hyunjin wanted to know I was always safe, and he liked the fact I wanted to check up on him.
Hyunjin always texted back pretty fast, and when he didn't, there was something wrong. I couldn't call him, and the data at that time was bad where I worked, so the app wasn't working or I would have seen him not moving all of the times I tried to check it.
Hyunjin liked the idea of safety. It was just the kind of person he was. I'm pretty sure he was trying to get all of our friends to give him their constant location so he could check up on them, but I'm not sure if he ever got around to getting all of them before he died.
After I memoralized his page, he was quiet. I'm not sure what all you can do with a memoralized account, but it was quiet from his account until today. I just got a notification from facebook, though, but I'm far too scared to check. I hope it's not him.