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“Look up.” Laura brushes the tears from beneath Cass’ eyes, careful to at least try to keep her stage makeup intact. It still seems a little like a bad dream, and Laura feels worse for being the slightest bit curious. She’s never seen Cass vulnerable this way, and it’s hard to imagine that the goddess kneeling on the floor in front of her now was at one point in the very near past her skeptical best friend. It’s a night of firsts for sure, and Laura’s still trying to wrap her head around it.
Ananke fucked off to parts unknown probably at least a half hour ago, and Laura had worried that the door they’d forced their way in would be taken by an invitation by some more enterprising fans, but so far, they’re still alone.
“I don’t understand,” she offers, and that gets Cass’ attention again. She lifts her head and meets Laura’s eyes, a little puffy around her own, but already much more in control of herself than before. Laura’s mouth is dry; she wonders how it’s possible for Cass to look so much the same and so utterly different at the same time. “But I want to.”
The words have barely left her mouth before Cass steals them from her, kissing Laura as fiercely as she imagines might be humanly possible. And then some. It’s sloppy and wet and much too frantic, but Laura returns it anyway. She’d be lying if she said she’d never considered what it would be like to kiss Cass even before she took a level in godhood - not that Laura thought she’d ever so much as admit to enjoying her company every once in awhile; she thinks Cass might be allergic to talking about anything even remotely related to feelings - but if this is her chance, she’s sure as hell going to take it. And though she’s pretty sure she can taste blood in her mouth - not that Laura can figure out which one of them is bleeding - the kiss gets a lot better from there.
Cass relaxes into it a smidge and she’s a pretty decent kisser, up until the point where Laura clutches her tighter and moans from the back of her throat.
“You’re not just doing this because I’m a god now, are you?” she breaks away to ask, looking so lost and heartbroken that Laura almost doesn’t know what to say for a moment. It’s Cass’ lower lip, Laura notices, in an almost offhand way, that’s split and leaking blood.
She has to catch her breath, fight back the sensation of whiplash. “What? No, Cass-”
“I get it.” It takes a moment more for Laura to realize that she’s trying to distance herself, to put things back to the more-or-less antagonistic way they were before, where all the tension between them makes sense as long as Laura humors Cass' aversion to talking about it, but it’s a new kind of weird to watch her do it. Laura can practically see her constructing all the little walls she’s grown used to, those prickly edges that Cass has always worn like a second skin. “Lucifer bit it so I’m the next best thing?" She starts to back away, and Laura can only watch as her expression shifts to something determinedly confrontational. "You wanna touch the divine so bad, Laura, I hear Inanna’s good for it.”
“Fuck you,” Laura spits back before she can think better of it. It’s infuriating, is what it is. Cass’ ability to get right under her skin hasn’t waned a bit, nor does her smug dismissal sting any less. “That’s not what this is and you know it. And you kissed me first.”
“No, fuck you,” Cass retorts, “I’m no one’s fucking savior and neither are you.”
It’s not entirely like her to grab Cass by the wrist before she can retreat fully, and Laura’s already half-convinced it’s a waste of time - no one’s ever going to change Cass’ mind once she’s made it up - but she doesn’t want to leave things like this and something’s got her feeling brave. Maybe it’s the worry at the back of her mind that she’s ruined things with Cass already, or maybe it’s the conviction that Cass was always going to find some excuse to keep her at a distance no matter what Laura did.
It’s what she does, and it’s bullshit. And it hurts.
But it’s also the same Cass that Laura has always known, and maybe that's what convinces her to try.
“I want you, Cass. Even if we’re both past saving.” It rings truer than even Laura realized, and her eyes sting with the admission, because yeah, she cares. Too much, and she always has. She wouldn’t know how not to.
Cass hesitates.
She looks like she’s at war with herself, streaks of black smeared down her cheeks despite Laura’s best efforts, clearly torn between running for the hills again and letting Laura pull her back into her arms. “I’m afraid too,” Laura says. “That I’m not enough. That maybe I’ll never be.” Might as well lay it all bare now, and that seems to do the trick at last. Cass softens, and after another heart-stoppingly long moment, she gives up and closes the distance between them again.
“How are you so fucking sincere,” Cass mutters. She ducks her head against Laura’s shoulder, and it’s obvious that she’s trying to avoid eye contact, but at least she's not running. “I don’t understand you either.” It feels like an impasse; one that Laura can live with.
“All we can do is try,” Laura dares to tease her, falling prey to that same sincerity somewhere between the joke and the catch in her throat when she says it. “Please.”
She can feel Cass shudder in her arms, but Laura doesn’t wait to try to decipher her expression when she looks up at her at last. She makes sure to kiss her more slowly this time though. Whether that’s to test the waters, or just to savor it in case this is going to be the last time, Laura can’t quite decide, but eventually Cass gets with the program.
“For the record,” she says, in between cautious little kisses, already sounding a lot more like herself - and Laura would tease her for how hard she's working not to smile if it didn't make her heart soar in her chest - “I can’t believe I’m going along with you on this one. But, sure. What the fuck. If you absolutely insist.”
Laura grins and licks at the cut on her lip. “Cass,” she replies, badly faking serious to cover for how much so she absolutely is, “I insist so hard.”