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The sun is just peeking through the curtains, and Tommy is blissfully warm and comfortable under the covers, which is why he's so annoyed when he hears Mike yelling at him from the other room. He doesn't want to get out of bed, but he doesn't want Mike to wake anyone else out either, so he crawls out of bed, grabs the closest pair of jeans and pulls them on with out bothering to put on any underwear, it's not like it'll be the first time he's gone commando and it's not like he plans to leave the apartment.
Tommy closes his bedroom door behind him and finds Mike on the couch by the phone; the answering machine is flashing, they have seven messages.
"What?" Tommy asks, because it's not his fault if someone called a bunch of times.
"Your boss keeps calling; the phone woke me up. I'm not your damn secretary, answer the damn phone. Why is he even calling the landline, He normally calls your cell, right?" Mike grumbles as Tommy sits down beside him.
"I turned off my cell; date night rule; no cell phones. I wonder why he's calling. We don't have plans this weekend or any work stuff.” Tommy frowns; it's not like Adam knew he had a date; Tommy didn't tell him, didn't tell anyone but Mike, so Adam wouldn't know Tommy had a reason to have his cell off; maybe he called and got worried.
"You two really have rules for your dates?" Mike asks.
"Wasn't my idea," Tommy admits, just as the phone starts ringing again, so instead of asking why Mike looks annoyed about that, he blames it on the phone and picks up.
"Hello?"
"Tommy, I was worried," Adam said sounding relieved.
"You know me, hermit. I drop off the map sometimes. What's up man? It's early. As Tommy talks, Mike gets up and wanders into the kitchen, Tommy hopes he brings back coffee; Tommy has been up most the night, and he's never really been a morning person anyway coffee helps.
"You shouldn't turn your phone off right now. You know I have a fan stalking me, which means we all need to be careful.” Adam's voice wobbles a little, and Tommy can hear something in the background; it sounds like Adam might be in a car. He must be stressed if he's on the phone while driving, because Adam never talks on the phone and drives at the same time.
"Is that why you’re calling? Did something happen with your stalker?" Tommy asks, a little freaked out.
"Kind of. Phil, he ah, there were more pictures of the two of us. He said that it was too much, too much pressure and he left me. I just, I needed to talk to someone. I'm sorry if I woke you up, but I you normally know how to make things better," Adam rambles.
"Shit, really?" Tommy can't believe it, Adam and Phil have been together for six months; he can't believe Phil would end it over a month of stress. Yeah Tommy gets it’s been stressful for Phil as well as Adam, but Adam needs Phil's support at a time like this, and Tommy thought Adam had that.
"It's over; he doesn't even want to be friends. I'm on my way over, is that okay?" Adam asks, and he sounds so upset. There is no way that Tommy could ever say no, but shit, he doesn't need this right now. The timing is terrible.
"Um sure, how long will you be?" Tommy asks, he'll have time to sort things out hopefully.
"I'm just pulling up now. I brought coffee to make up for being so early." Adam sounds like he's trying to smile, but without even seeing it, Tommy can bet it's strained.
"Thanks, see you in a minute." Tommy hangs up, seeing as he's about to see Adam anyway and gets up, heading for the kitchen to talk to Mike.
"Adam's on his way up, you can't say anything about who’s in my room okay?" Tommy pleads.
"You still haven't told Adam that you’re seeing someone?" Mike asks.
"No, you know I haven't," Tommy groans.
"And I wonder why that is?" Mike asks, voice full of sarcasm. He doesn't approve of what Tommy has been doing, or who he has been doing it with, or the whole secret thing.
"Don't start now Mike," Tommy begs as he hears a knock at the door, and he has to head that way to let Adam in. He just hopes that Mike can be a friend and keep his mouth shut; not even Tommy's mom knows that he’s been dating, not since his last relationship went down in flames.
"Adam!” Tommy tries to sound happy instead of panicked as he opens the door and gives Adam a hug. Adam doesn't look bad, not like he's been crying or anything, but he must be upset if he called Tommy and came over like this.
"I'm sorry if I woke you up. I just didn't think; I called you as soon as he left, and when you didn't answer your cell I got really worried," Adam says against his neck, and Tommy can't quite help shivering a little.
"Are you feeling up my boyfriend?" Three things happen at the sound of Dan's voice. Adam's whole body goes stiff, Tommy feels like he's going to throw up and Mike drops something in the kitchen.
Tommy backs up a little, out of Adam's arms, letting Adam into the apartment, and he can see Adam looking around, putting things together. Tommy shirtless, hair a mess, he's not checked but he probably has a few hickeys and marks from last night. Then here is Dan. Tommy glances back. Dan walking out of what Adam knows is Tommy's bedroom, Dan who is in Tommy's room this early, and he's only in a pair of sweatpants.
"Tommy?" Adam asks softly, looking lost.
"Um, Adam; this is Dan; Dan, this is Adam.” Tommy bites his lip, He knows Mike must be done in the kitchen by now. He's clearly just leaving Tommy to suffer this awkwardness alone.
"Oh your friend," Dan says dismissively, and Tommy winces.
"You have a boyfriend?" Adam blurts out looking stunned.
It's not as if Tommy hasn't told people, told Adam that he sometimes, sometimes dates men, just never that seriously. He didn't tell Adam he was seeing anyone, because well, because Dan is kind of an asshole; possessive and rude and Tommy knows he shouldn't even be sleeping with him. But the sex is good, and Tommy was lonely; all his friends were in happy relationships, and he just, he keeps meaning to end it, but he just doesn't; Dan reels him back in.
"Yeah, this is Dan; we've been together for a little while," Tommy admits.
"I'm going to take a shower," Dan says, coming over to Tommy and planting a hard kiss full on Tommy's mouth. And Tommy knows when someone is trying to make a point, and the point is Dan thinks he owns him, which is one of the problems.
"Okay," Tommy nods, and he watches Dan walk to the bathroom. Dan is good looking, tall and broad, used to play football and jocks aren't normally his type, but Tommy kind of likes a guy who can manhandle him. Not to mention Dan doesn't care that Tommy isn't out, something that stops most guys from giving Tommy the time of day.
The bathroom door closes, and Adam wanders over to the couch. He leaves the door open behind him, so Tommy closes it before going to join Adam on the couch. He's mainly buying himself some time. When he sits down, Adam hands him a takeaway cup of coffee and Tommy knows without tasting it that it'll be just the way He likes it. Because Adam is a good friend like that. Right now Tommy is kind of feeling like a shitty friend.
"You didn't tell me you were seeing anyone," Adam says softly.
"It's complicated," Tommy says with a sigh.
"He's a dick," Mike says coming out of the kitchen with a bowl of cereal and sitting opposite them.
"Mike just doesn't like Dan," Tommy mumbles.
"Tommy doesn't like Dan, which is why he hasn't mentioned him to you or anyone else. I only know because I live here. Dan doesn't want to socialise with Tommy's friends or family. Doesn't want to do much beside get in Tommy's pants," Mike says with a sneer.
"Mike!" Tommy can feel his face flushing.
"What? It's all true, and you know it is. I can't seem to talk any sense into you, so maybe if Adam knows what is going on, he can.” Mike sounds pissed, and Tommy knows he doesn't like Dan, but he didn't really know it was this bad. Mike has hardly spoken to Dan or Dan to him, they've not hung out. Then Tommy brings Dan to his place, they spend most of their time in the bedroom. Their relationship is largely physical. They don't have much in common, Dan disliking most of Tommy's interests.
"You’re dating someone you don't like? And hiding it? I don't understand.” Adam frowns at him, looking almost disappointed, and it makes Tommy feel ill, his heart clenching. He never meant to hurt Adam, especially not today; after Phil has already hurt him by leaving him, Tommy feels like the worst friend on the planet.
"I….it's complicated," Tommy sighs, rubbing a hand over his face; he feels shitty enough about this thing with Dan as it is. He knows he's being used, treated like, well, treated like a whore, something pretty to play with, but he knows he'll just sound pathetic if he tells Adam he's putting up with all of that just because he's lonely. He can't have want he wants, never will be able to have Adam the way he wants him: as so much more than a friend.
"You said that already." There is no heat in Adam's voice, but it's clear he doesn't approve, and it makes Tommy feel like a naughty school child, and he doesn't like the feeling; it's too close to shame, and he doesn't want to feel ashamed of himself. So what if he's having sex with someone he doesn't really like, someone who isn't very nice? It's not a big deal.
"Mike, it's no one’s business who I sleep with. Not even yours or Adam's, even though you two are my best friends. This is personal; stay out of it.” Tommy doesn't like the way Mike wants Adam to 'talk some sense into him' like he's a stupid god damn child, even more so because Mike knows how Tommy feels about Adam, that he's had a crush on him since the day he auditioned, and it has only deepened over all this time.
However Adam has always had someone else, someone openly gay. He'll never want some closet case, no matter how close their friendship grows. Adam is untouchable, and it kills Tommy, which Mike knows, so he could have the decency not to do this to Tommy. Hell, Dan is just in the other room; this isn't the time or the place, not that Tommy ever wants it to happen anywhere, anytime.
"You must be keeping it a secret for a reason," Adam says softly, and Tommy still feels like he's being judged.
"It's a secret because I'm not out," Tommy points out.
"I know you’re Bi, even though you said it was more Bi in theory, so you could have told me," Adam points out.
"So maybe I had more experience than I let on. You're a romantic Adam; I didn't really want to brag about hooking up; meaningless sex isn't your thing," But i has been Tommy's M.O for a while, on and off over the years really. He tries to date, but it just hasn't ever worked out for him. He likes sex, and he likes feeling as if he's connected to other people, even if it's just for a little while. He's never been all that good at explaining himself, and he never wanted Adam to think he was a slut.
"I should go. You have a date here; we can talk another time," Adam says standing up, and Tommy's mouth goes dry, his stomach dipping.
"But, Phil," Tommy starts, but Adam just waves him off.
"Its fine. I can call Brad to bitch about it. He's not seeing anyone; at least I don't think he is. I'll call ahead and ask, because clearly I don't know everything I think I do about my friends," Adam says heading for the door. He's obviously pissed off, and it hurts Tommy to know that Adam is pissed at him, because he kept secrets, because he's been lying.
"Adam, don't be like that," Tommy complains.
"Don't be like what? I'm fine," Adam says opening the door, expression tight, voice cool, and now he’s the one who is lying.
"I'll call you later?" Tommy asks, hesitating; he wants to go over and hug Adam, but he can tell from how stiff Adam's posture is that it wouldn't be welcome.
"Whatever, if you want.” Adam says it like he doesn't care either way, and then he just leaves without another word, closing the door behind himself.
"Well, that was kind of fucked up," Mike comments.
"You didn't really help things.” Tommy glares.
"I was trying. I thought Adam might make you see more clearly. Dan is bad for you Tommy.” Mike sighs, finishing off his breakfast.
"He's, he's not bad for me," Tommy argues.
"Really, which is why I'm the only one who knows about him?" Mike asks.
"My sex life is private.” Tommy sighs.
"Fine, man, I'm heading out to see Daisy. Have fun with your boyfriend.” Mike leaves his cereal bowl on the coffee table and goes to his room, probably to get dressed. It feels like everyone is walking away from Tommy today. It's not a feeling he likes.
At least Mike says goodbye to him before he leaves, and he leaves before Dan finishes in the shower. Tommy is still sat on the couch, not really knowing what to do with himself. Dan comes and sits next to him, a towel around his waist and nothing else. He looks good, but it's not enough to hold Tommy's attention, even when Dan lays a heavy hand on Tommy's knee.
"Your sulking; it's not attractive," Dan comments.
"Dan," Tommy groans, he doesn't need shit from him as well.
"I actually believed you when you said that there was nothing going on off stage. But I saw the way you touched him, the way he touched you. That wasn't friendship, if you’re not fucking him, you want to," Dan hisses, and Tommy wonders how Dan can see something in seconds that Adam hasn't noticed in years.
"I'm not fucking him. He just got dumped; I was hugging a friend; there is nothing wrong with that," Tommy argues.
"He gets dumped and comes running to you; I wonder why? Was he looking for a rebound? An easy fuck to make him feel better? I bet I got right in the way of his plans, didn't I?" The venom in Dan's voice makes Tommy flinch. It's not exactly the first time Dan has talked to him like this, but it still hurts.
"No! That's not it; he didn't come here for that; he never would. I've told you I'm not fucking him," Tommy almost yells, even though he hates raising his voice.
"This might be casual, Tommy; but that doesn't mean I'll let you make a fool of me; I won't just sit around and let you fuck around on me," Dan growls.
"I'm not!" He knew that Dan was possessive, but this is ridiculous.
"I don't like him touching you," Dan says, his hand coming up and gripping Tommy's jaw, his grip tight enough to hurt. Tommy tries to jerk away, but Dan is stronger than him, and his grip stays firm.
"He's my friend," Tommy says softly, trying to diffuse the situation. Dan has grabbed his arms a few times in anger, but he's never got physical like this.
"You’re mine," Dan tells him, and for the first time, Tommy actually feels afraid of him, afraid of what Dan might do if Tommy were to argue.
"Of course I am," Tommy agrees, his tongue feeling thick and clumsy in his mouth.
"He can't have you.” Dan's thumb runs over Tommy's lower lip, and he knows how he can deflect Dan's anger, knows what will work, even though right now the very idea of doing it makes his skin crawl.
"Of course he can't. I'm yours; come on lets go back to bed okay? Take me to bed," Tommy offers, trying to fake desire, when all he feels is cold. Looks like Mike was right; Dan is bad for him and getting worse by the second.
"Good idea, baby.” Dan all but pulls him off the couch and towards the bedroom, and Tommy just takes a deep breath, knowing he can do this, he can get though this.
After all, he never really liked Dan, and he slept with him anyway; he can still sleep with him now, even though he's afraid of him, and he has never been afraid of someone he slept with before. He just needs to lock away his emotions; it's not like the sex was ever bad; he just needs to focus on the way it feels and ignore the dark feeling in his chest, dragging at his soul.
Sex with someone he doesn't like: it's better than anger, better than getting hurt. Isn't it?
+++++++++++++++++++++++
He wakes up feeling stiff and aching, his body feeling used and bruised. He doesn't feel sated like he normally would after sex; he feels shitty. But then the sex hadn't been all that good; not for him at least, and it sure as hell hadn't been gentle. Dan had felt the need to prove a point about who Tommy belonged to. Tommy likes being manhandled; he even likes it rough, but roughness just for roughness sake.
This wasn't like that; it was all about domination, proving a point, and Tommy's body feels like he's been running a marathon. The only upside is that he can tell he's alone in bed. Dan never stays the night two nights in a row, and he probably has important things to do. Tommy just lies in bed, listening to rain hitting the window, so different from this morning and the bright sunlight, he feels different too battered, even though it's not like Dan beat him up or anything.
He's glad that he's never got around to giving Dan a key, hell, to tell the truth, Tommy had never wanted Dan to be able to come and go like that. Now it'll make things easier; easier to cut Dan out of his life. Because Tommy knows what he's doing might not have been that smart, but he's not stupid, he's not going to stay with someone when he's afraid of them, and he is afraid of Dan. He got a glimpse of what Dan is capable of, and it's not good, not good for Tommy.
Tommy drags himself out of bed, feeling a little shaky, but then he hasn't eaten all day, and he used up some energy in the bedroom; it feels like he's had a work out or been worked over; Dan really wasn't careful with him. Still when Tommy passes the mirror on his dresser he’s shocked to see the bruises on his face. Fingerprints on his jaw, already purple; Dan did this. He knew the grip on his jaw hurt, but he hadn't realised how tight it had been.
Leaning closer to the mirror, he probes the bruises; they’re tender, and they stand out shockingly against his pale skin. The sight of them alone is enough to make Tommy feel sick. How could he have let this happen? Just because he was lonely and too afraid to come out of the closet, he ends up with a guy like Dan. He should have known Dan was capable of this; there were enough signs; he just refused to see them, and he feels so stupid.
There are other marks as well, bruises and scratches on his hips, chest, stomach, even his legs. And he knows that Dan marked him up on purpose, so that Tommy wouldn't want anyone else to see him naked. He knows that's why since the first time they hooked up Dan has always made a point of leaving a ton of hickeys on Tommy's skin. Marking his territory; it was only slightly more subtle than tattooing 'Property of Dan' on to Tommy's skin.
He's never been one for possessive lovers; he likes to be trusted, trusted that affection and time with other people doesn't mean he’s cheating. He likes to be taken at his word if he says a hug is just a hug, a kiss just a kiss. He doesn't like guys like Dan who act like cavemen, but he'd put up with it because he can admit it had been nice to be wanted that much.
But it's over; it has to be. He can't live like this. He doesn't want to learn to jump at his own shadow. He's known people in bad relationships, heard about abusive ones, and he knows the longer that they go on, the harder they are to get out of. So he needs to get out now, before Dan convinces him that this was nothing, that they should still be together. Hell, how long will it be before Dan claims he only gets jealous because he loves Tommy? Or some other bullshit.
Mike…fuck, Mike will loose his shit if he sees Tommy like this. He needs to disappear for a few days till the bruise are gone or can be covered up by makeup. Mind made up, Tommy gets dressed; he can just go to a hotel, stay there for a couple of days; it'll be fine. Maybe it'll even be good for him; to get some distance from everybody.
So he packs a bag, all the things he'll need for a few days away from home. He'll just leave Mike a note for tonight, even though Mike will probably stay with Daisy tonight. But Mike will find it in the morning, and then Tommy will call him when he's feeling more like himself, more balanced. He's making sure he has everything when he remembers to turn his cell phone back on, and it starts ringing in his hand right away.
It's not Dan, which is a relief, even though he knows he'll have to talk to him eventually. But it is Brad, which is weird; they text every now and then, but they don't call each other that often. Unless it's about something like Adam's birthday, and they want to plan something. Adam, it has to be about Adam. What if something bad has happened to him? Tommy answers with a trembling hand.
"Brad?"
"Thank God. You need to go fix Adam," Brad says in a rush.
"What?" Tommy asks, confused.
"He's freaking out about something, but I couldn't get the full story, and I'm working right now, so I can't just go see him. So can, you please just go and see him?" Brad pleads.
"I might be part of the reason he's freaking out," Tommy admits, worried; Adam tells Brad everything normally, if he's not talking, that isn't a good sign, and if he's let himself worry Brad, which he never does, things must be bad. Between the Phil thing and then Tommy's lies, he must have been having a really shitty day.
"Well good; then you should know how to fix it, so go fix it, now," Brad demands.
"But, I.” He knows Brad wouldn't ask unless he was really worried, which makes Tommy worry, but still, he doesn't want to do this; he wants to go hide for a few days, grow some balls and dump Dan.
"But nothing. If you broke him, you fix him," Brad says firmly.
"Okay, okay. I'll do it. Just if I fuck it up big time; you don't get to blame me, alright?" Tommy has a feeling he'll fuck this up. He's not great with words, and he has no idea how to make Adam feel better about the fact that he’s been lying to him.
"Alright, but try not to fuck it up, please.” Brad sounds concerned, and it makes Tommy feel the same; so worried about his best friend the man he's secretly in love with. If he’s part of what’s hurting Adam right now, he wants to make that better.
"I'll ask him to call you," Tommy offers.
"Thanks.” Brad hangs up, and Tommy has to convince his feet that its time to move.
He takes his bag to his car, the pelting rain makes shiver him as he jumps into the car.
The drive over to Adam's place is done pretty much on auto-pilot as he tries to think of what he should say to Adam; what magic words will make it all better? How does he make it so it's like today never even happened?
When he parks outside of Adam's place it's still raining; it even looks like it might have started raining harder, and Tommy wants to know why the weather always seems to get shitty when he's having a bad day. It’s like his mood is reflected in the gloom.
Because of the rain, he gets out of the car and all but runs to Adam's front door, and he really wishes Adam had a big porch that would protect him from the rain, but he doesn't, the overhang nothing but a strip that drips down onto his head as he leans in to ring the doorbell. He presses the bell and waits and waits and waits. Jabbing the button again, Tommy pulls his jacket closer around him; he's freezing and soaking wet, his hair plastered to his skin.
Tommy rings the doorbell over and over again, but no one comes to the door, so he fumbles his cell phone out of his jacket pocket with numb fingers. He tries Adam's cell first, but he knows his name will come up on the screen, and he's not all that surprised when Adam doesn't answer. So he tries the home phone instead, ringing over and over, and he can hear the damn phone inside, and Adam's car is here; he knows Adam is just ignoring him.
Finally he decides to leave a message.
"Adam, please, just let me see that you’re okay, and I'll leave. Brad's worried; I'm worried. Just come to the door for a second, and I'll leave. It's pissing down rain; I'm soaked, please," Tommy begs, and a few moments later he hears footsteps, and the door opens.
Adam is in his pajamas and he looks like he might have been napping or something, but the phone must have woken him up long before Tommy left him his message.
"Look, I'm fine; you can go," Adam says sounding tired worn out.
Tommy doesn't know what to say; he feels fidgety and out of it, and he pushes his hair off his face trying to steady himself, and suddenly Adam's looking at him differently, starring like he just noticed Tommy looking like a drowned rat on his doorstep.
"What happened to your face?" Adam asks, sounding horrified, and before Tommy knows what’s happening, he's being herded inside of Adam's home.
There’s a mirror in the hall, and Tommy catches sight of himself and gets a full on reminder of the bruises. He'd been so worried about Adam that he’d forgotten all about the marks on his face. It's not like they were something he wanted to think about anyway, so he'd locked those thoughts up in the back of his mind where he could forget about them, at least for a little while. He hadn't planned on anyone seeing the marks, let alone Adam.
He kicks off his boots so that he doesn't track water all through Adam's house, losing and inch or two of hight with the boots and a few pounds when he shrugs off his soaking wet jacket.
"Are you going to say anything?" Adam asks.
"I don't know what to say," Tommy admits, and he follows Adam to his couch.
"You turn up on my doorstep with your face covered in bruises, and you’re just going to say nothing?" Adam asks.
"They’re nothing," Tommy lies.
"That's not nothing, Tommy; don't bullshit me. Did you get into a fight?" Adam asks.
"No, there was no fight.” Tommy shakes his head; when he looks down at his hands he can see that they’re shaking a little bit; he tells himself it's because he's cold.
"Then what? Please, I'm freaking out; who did that to you?" Adam does sound freaked out, and it makes Tommy feel horrible.
"Uh ,Dan, Um, it was Dan," Tommy admits quietly.
"What?" Adam all but yells, and it makes Tommy flinch a little.
"I don't think he meant to," Tommy says softly.
"Christ, Tommy, he put his hands on you; he bruised your face; I don't care if he 'meant to do it that's abuse.” Adam sounds disgusted.
"It's not like I'm going to stay with him. I know it was fucked up. I'm just….It's not like he hit me Adam. He just got pissed, and he was holding my face so I'd look at him, and he did it too hard. We didn't even really fight, and he didn't beat me up or anything," Tommy rambles.
"So you don't have anymore marks hidden away under your cloths?" Adam asks from where he is sitting opposite Tommy, staring at him like he’s never seen Tommy before.
Tommy can't say no, not without lying and he's not very good at outright lying. He is good at keeping things to himself, lying by omission, but not lying to someone's face, especially someone he's close to, like Adam.
"From the look on your face, I'm guessing there are. So you’re lying; he did hurt you.” Adam looks horrified.
"I didn't lie; he didn't beat me up or hit me or anything. We just, we had sex; and things got kind of rough. That happens sometimes," Tommy says even though he knows that passionate sex that leads to marks is very different from what he shared with Dan. That was an angry claiming.
"I'm not following. You said your not staying with him right? But he grabbed your face after you had sex? When did he hurt you?" Adam looks confused.
"Before," Tommy says automatically.
"What?" Adam scowls.
"He grabbed my face before we had sex. I didn't realise he'd done it hard enough to bruise till after. But after he grabbed me like that, I knew I had to end things, so I'm going to. I'm going to get some distance and then tell him it's over," Tommy tries to explain.
"You slept with him after he did that?" Adam asks, gesturing to Tommy's face and the ugly bruises he knows are marking his skin, and he hates it, hates the way Adam is looking at him.
"I, fuck, Adam. I was scared okay; I just wanted to calm him down and get him out of my apartment. I did what I thought was best. I know you'd have probably just kicked him out, but I, I didn't know what to do, and," He runs out of words; he doesn't know what to say; he was scared of Dan earlier, and he slept with him anyway to try and avoid getting hurt.
Suddenly Adam is sitting right beside him, his arm wrapped around Tommy's waist, pulling him close and hugging him, and Tommy hugs back, because he always likes Adam's hugs, and he's kind of feeling like he needs a hug right now.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I've just been-I was upset about the stalker; I hate having my privacy invaded all the time. And then Phil; he might not have been the love of my life, but he called it quits, and it sucked. And then I went to your place, and I found out you had a secret boyfriend, and I just flipped. I thought you'd had a fight with Dan. I never thought about you being scared of him," Adam says in a rush, holding Tommy tight.
"I've never been scared of someone I dated before. I knew we had issues, but I never thought he'd hurt me. I just; it's hard to find guys willing to date a guy who's thirty plus and still in the closet," Tommy admits.
"Oh baby. I'm really sorry. Did you tell him it was over?" Adam asks.
"No. I went back to sleep and waited for him to leave; I knew he would. Then I packed a bag to go to a hotel for a few days. Cowardly maybe, but I just wanted to avoid everyone till the bruises were gone and I'd dealt with Dan. But then Brad called, and I was worried about you.” Tommy rests his chin on Adam's shoulder. He's kind of glad he came here before going to a hotel. He thought he wanted to be alone, but he feels better being here with Adam, being close to someone he trusts. He knows that even if Adam were mad at him, he would never hurt him, not physically.
"You could stay here for a few days if you like. I've already seen the bruises, and it's not like Phil will be around; I could use the company," Adam says softly.
"Yeah, I'd like that, if you’re sure?" Because being all alone is suddenly very unappealing.
"Of course. Stay as long as you like,” Adam says letting him go, and Tommy misses his warmth right away.
"I'll let Mike know in the morning. He'll be glad. As you know, he really didn't like Dan," Tommy snorts.
"Mike's a good friend; he could tell that Dan was no good for you;what even started this fight?" Adam asks.
Tommy bites his lip, not knowing quite what to say; he doesn't want to lie, but the truth could cause problems.
"What? Come on, tell me," Adam pleads.
"Dan got jealous. Of you, of the way we were hugging. Started accusing me of cheating and stuff," Tommy admits.
"Fuck, I feel bad; if I hadn't come over…." Adam groans.
"It's not your fault," Tommy says firmly.
"Does he not know you at all? You’re not the cheating kind.” Adam frowns.
"I guess not. I feel like such an idiot. I was just lonely, I guess, so I put up with a total dick.” Tommy sighs; a part of him feels better talking about what has been going on, but at the same time, it sucks, a part of him just wants to hide.
"Oh hun, you should have said something. You have so many friends; you don't need to be lonely.” Adam takes his hand, and as always, Tommy feels his stomach dip.
"Everyone I know had someone. A wife, a husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, someone. I got sick of going to bed alone every night. I don't date a lot, but I wanted more than casual," Tommy sighs.
"You could have anyone you wanted, Tommy. More than casually," Adam says firmly.
"Not a guy; closet case remember?" Tommy groans.
"That makes things hard. I can see that. But I'm sure nicer guys than Dan would be willing to keep your relationship a secret. I mean; who needs to know really? Only close friends and family; not everyone needs to know your business.” Adam is clearly trying to make him feel better, but of course Adam doesn't know that the one person Tommy really wants is Adam himself. Adam who is someone who prides himself with being open and honest about his sexuality; he would never want to date someone who wasn't out.
"Do you mind if I crash for the night? I'm kind of tired,” Tommy asks.
Adam looks a little surprised. "Oh, of course.” Adam nods, and even though Tommy has been there before, Adam shows him the way to the spare room.
Tommy doesn't bother to go out to the car and get his thing; he just crawls into bed with his cloths on and stares at the ceiling till he finally falls asleep.
++++++++++++++++++++
He wakes to the smell of coffee and wandersdown to the kitchen to find Adam making coffee and breakfast.
"Morning," Tommy says softly, sitting down.
"Morning," Adam says cheerfully.
"You seem happy," Tommy comments; Adam usually takes being dumped harder than this.
"No photos this morning. They’re usually here by now, so I'm hoping.” Adam grins.
"That's great, Adam. Maybe they'll get bored or something," Tommy suggests; he hopes for Adam's sake that's the case.
"I really hope so; I hate feeling like I'm being watched all the time.” Adam sighs.
"Shit," Tommy says as a thought comes to him.
"What?" Adam asks, concern clear in his voice.
"If the stalker is still out there, they could get pictures of me staying here. If pictures like that get in the press or on the internet before I break up with Dan, he'll probably go crazy.” Tommy bites his bottom lip, nerves churning in his stomach.
"Do you want to go to a hotel?" Adam doesn't sound like he really likes the idea.
"No. Besides I was outside for ages last night; pictures could have already been taken; What I need to do is break up with Dan, as soon as possible. I know it'd kind of be a douche bag thing to do, but I'm gonna call and dump him. He can't accuse me of cheating if we're not together," Tommy says firmly; he has his cell on him; and he takes it out, bringing up Dan's number, feeling something like dread.
"You want to do it right now?" Adam asks.
"Yeah, before I chicken out." Tommy nods.
"Do you want some privacy?"
"No, it's okay." It's not like he hasn't told Adam all aboutthe Dan situation.
So he dials Dan's number, feeling like he might throw up when Dan answers on the second ring.
"Hi Tommy.” Dan sounds normal, like nothing happened the last time they were together.
"We need to talk, Dan.” Tommy winces; he's such a cliché, but is there a good or original way to break up with someone?
"About what?" Dan asks.
"I think……I think it would be better if we didn't see each other any more," Tommy says, taking a deep breath and holding it, waiting for the reaction.
"What? There's someone else isn't there?" Dan sounds pissed.
"No, there isn't; we just aren't working," Tommy says firmly; he's not going to made to feel like shit over this; Dan makes him feel like that often enough; it has to end.
"You ungrateful little slut..." Dan begins, and Tommy hangs up on him, breathing hard.
"That could have gone better," Tommy groans.
"Here, have some pancakes, they'll make you feel better." Adam puts down a plate in front of Tommy and then sits opposite him with his own breakfast.
"Breaking up sucks," Tommy groans.
"Tell me about it," Adam sighs.
"God, we're not doing well are we?" Tommy comments.
"No, not really. We could go out, hit a club, get stinking drunk?" Adam suggests.
"That could be fun, but the bruises," Tommy sighs.
"We could try makeup?" Adam says thoughtfully.
"Yeah, we could. I'd like to get drunk and you’re always a blast to get drunk with.” Tommy smiles softly.
So they eat breakfast, then spend the day on the couch watching trashy TV. When it starts to get later they start getting ready. They shower, and Adam does his makeup for him, covering up the bruises the best he can, and with the little stubble Tommy has grown over night, he doesn’t think you can really notice the bruises.
Adam books them a car before they get dressed, and by the time they’re ready it's waiting for them outside to take them to a local club. Because Adam is Adam, they don't have to wait in line, instead they go straight in and up to the VIP bar.
They've gone clubbing together before, but normally with other people, other friends along for the ride. But this time it's just them, both dressed up and on a mission to get drunk and forget the week so far. It feels a tiny bit like a date, and Tommy has to force himself not to think that way, because this sure as hell isn't a date.
It doesn't help that once they are both a little tipsy, Adam insists on dragging him out to the dance floor. Tommy's not much of a dancer, but he's drunk, and Adam's good at leading, and really Tommy doesn't care if he looks stupid; most people are probably not looking at him anyway, not with Adam moving the way he does; all eyes have to be on Adam, his hips, his ass.
He’s plastered to Adam's front, chest to chest, their hips moving together, and Tommy's seriously worried that he’s going to get hard. Just because Adam knows that Tommy is Bi, doesn't mean that it wouldn't be embarrassing as hell to pop wood when he's dancing with Adam. He thought inappropriate boners where something that he'd left behind in his teenage years; well, he'd thought that until he started touring with Adam.
"OMG, Adam, Tommy!!! Kiss, Please; it's my birthday!!!" A girl with a twenty first badge and a feather boa on stumbles over to them, and Tommy hates to disappoint fans, but he's going to turn the girl down when Adam just lays a kiss on him. Loud and smacking, right on the lips, more of a joke than sexy, but it makes heat spark in Tommy's veins anyway.
"Again; again, please!!!" She, begs, and Adam laughs, wide and delighted, and it's good to see him happy, so Tommy leans in when he sees Adam leaning in, meeting him halfway.
This time the kiss is slower, deeper, sexy as hell, and Tommy melts against Adam, feeling boneless. The kiss seems to go on for ever, Adam's lips soft and warm against his, a hint of tongue enough to have his toes curling, and Adam winds it down slowly, giving Tommy one last peck before leaning over and giving the birthday girl a peck on the cheek; she looks like she's about to have a heart attack, and she walks back to her friends on unsteady legs. Tommy's feeling pretty damn wobbly himself.
"I need a drink," Tommy croaks out.
"Yeah, sure, lets go to the bar.” Adam takes his hand and leads the way through the crowd, and they get tequila shots and then a few more tequila shots. They get drunker, and they dance more; they talk to fans and even dance with a couple. It's fun, and Tommy's actually feeling a lot more relaxed than he has in a while. No more Dan; no more of that kind of stress; he's free and single. And he's getting drunk with his best friend. All he has to do is try and keep himself in check, because he's so turned on by being around Adam.
They fall into the back of the car early in the morning, stumbling and holding onto each other. Once there in the backseat Adam wraps an arm around him, tugs him close, sliding Tommy under his arm, Tommy cuddles in, feeling like he's where he belongs, even though he knows he shouldn't get used to this. Because Adam will have a new boyfriend soon enough, someone out, someone he can show off to the world.
But then Adam presses a kiss to Tommy's neck, and he feels himself shivering.
"You cold?" Adam asks.
"Um yeah," Tommy lies as Adam snuggles close to him.
They get back to Adam's place and drag each other back into the house, both of them drunk.
"I'm not sleepy, come watch movies with me," Adam demands, and when has Tommy ever been able to say no to Adam?
"Let me get comfy first," Tommy insists, and he goes and gets into his pajamas, and by the time he wanders into Adam's, bedroom Adam is already in bed with a DVD ready to go. He's not wearing a shirt, but Tommy sees dark sweatpants when he slides under the covers.
Adam puts an arm around him again, and it seems like a good idea to use Adam's chest as a pillow. He's feeling comfortable and sleepy drunk. He doesn't even get to ask what film they’re going to watch before he falls asleep.
+++++++++++++++
Tommy wakes up in Adam's bed alone. The sheets beside him are still warm though, so Adam can't have been gone long. Tommy gets out of bed and goes on the hunt for Adam. He shouldn't be up this early, neither of them should because they both have hangovers that need sleeping off.
He finds Adam in the kitchen, sat, at the table holding an envelope, looking pissed.
"I came down to get some water; I checked the mail. There are photos from the club last night, of me and you.” Adam sounds furious.
"Shit, can I see?" Tommy asks.
"Sure.” Adam holds them out.
Tommy takes them, and there it is-him and Adam, kissing on the dance floor last night. It's not like its the first time Tommy has seen pictures of them kissing; hell, he's seen videos of it, but this is different somehow. For one, they aren't on a stage, but that's not it. Tommy can see the naked desire on his own face; he hadn’t managed to mask it at all.
"The fans would love these," Tommy says softly, putting them back on the table.
"I have to report these to the detective looking into the case. You should go back to bed; I'll be up soon. Maybe we'll actually watch that movie?" Adam suggests.
"Okay. Tommy nods; feeling oddly shaken, he goes back up to Adam's bed; maybe, just maybe Adam didn't notice the want on Tommy's face in the picture or thought it was an act or something, because he's not acting like anything has changed.
He falls into a doze in Adam's bed and only wakes up properly when Adam slides back into bed.
"Hi;I reported it. They don't have anything yet; still clueless about who's taking the pictures," Adam sighs.
"I'm sorry; I wish you could get better news.” Tommy cuddles closer, just wanting to make Adam feel better, and Adam wraps his arms around him, pulling him close. On impulse Tommy presses a light kiss to Adam's lips.
He means for it to just be a brief kiss, a friendly kiss; Adam kisses all of his friends, but Adam's hand comes up to cup the back of his head, and the kiss deepens instantly, Adam taking control of the kiss and licking inside of Tommy's mouth,Tommy finds himself clinging to him, trying to get closer, all but crawling into Adam's lap.
This is a bad idea, a very bad idea, but he's doing it anyway. He threads his own fingers through Adam's silky hair, rolling his hips against Adam's, and Adam is hard. He groans, lust shooting through him, and his half hard cock quickly gets fully hard.
"What are we doing?" Tommy gasps, breaking the kiss, but he can't bring himself to draw his body away from Adam's, his hips still grinding against Adam's, and Christ, Tommy knew he was big, he's felt it on stage, but like this, in bed, with nothing but their pajamas on, he can really feel Adam.
"I…..fuck, sorry, my fault.” Adam's hands on his waist make his heart trip, and he doesn't want Adam to be sorry for touching him.
"I started it," Tommy points out.
"You were just being friendly," Adam says softly.
"I think my hard on rubbing against yours is a little bit more than what I'd call friendly," Tommy says, feeling bold.
People saw them kissing in public, not even on stage, and the world didn't fall apart. There are pictures, but seeing them hadn't made Tommy feel panicked; they'd just been hot, and he doesn't regret kissing Adam last night for a second. Maybe it's time to be brave; he had the balls to end things with Dan; maybe he can have the balls to be out. All the important people already know, and everyone else, well most of them have thought Tommy was gay from the moment he was in the public eye.
"What are you saying Tommy?" Adam asks.
"I want you. I've always wanted you. But you don't do closeted guys, and you shouldn't have to. But if you want me, I wouldn't ask you to hide it, hide us. If you want us," Tommy says in a rush.
"You'd come out to be with me?" Adam says, softly.
"Well, it kind of feels like it's time anyway.” Tommy shrugs.
"Damn, you know I've wanted you since the first time I saw you, right? Even my mom asked if we were going out, because she could tell that I liked you," Adam admits.
"I want more than just a fuck Adam, so tell me if that's all you want,” Tommy can't believe how nervous he feels waiting for Adam's response.
"I could never just have you once, Tommy, never; If I have you, I'm going to want to keep you; if you want me to, that is. I'm not possessive, but I know what I want, and I want to be with you.” Adam leans in and kisses him, and Tommy feels himself melt again, tension he didn't know he was carrying disappearing.
He's sliding his hands under Adam's sweatpants, wanting to feel all of his skin, naked against his own and under his hands, his mouth; he's just feeling the heat of Adam's skin when the phone rings making them both jump.
Tommy rolls off of Adam, groaning and lets him go to answer the phone. Tommy decides to speed things along and gets rid of his cloths, so that he is waiting naked under the covers for when Adam gets back.
When Adam does walk back into the room, he looks almost dazed, but he's smiling slightly.
"What happened?" Tommy asks.
"The police called me back. The girl who's birthday it was, her friends took a bunch of pictures, and one girl saw some guy watching us and thought he was creepy. They reported him, and the police went to talk to him just in case, and he had all these pictures of me, and he's been charged with stalking.” Adam sits down on the edge of the bed, shaking his head like he can't believe it.
"Adam, that's great news.” Tommy sits up and hugs him without thinking and gives Adam an eye full.
The look that Adam gives him is more than worth it, and before Tommy knows it, he's on his back on the bed with Adam looming over him; he leans in and kisses Tommy, hard and fast, devouring his mouth.
"Fuck me," Tommy groans, and Adam all but chokes.
"Do you mean that?" Adam asks.
"I know it's rushing, but I've wanted you for a really long time.” Tommy strokes his hands up over Adam's back, drawing him closer; he's dreamed about this for so long, ached to feel Adam like this.
"I want you to.” Adam kisses him, and Tommy loses himself in the feeling.
He lets his hands run over Adam's body, touching all the places he’s longed to touch, moaning as Adam touches him, as they explore each others bodies with hands and mouth. Adam moves down his body, trailing kisses as he goes, and then Tommy almost yells when Adam's lips wrap around the head of Tommy's cock.
It's not like he's never been blown before, but this is Adam, his fantasy man, going down on him, and Tommy has to grab on, one hand fisting in the sheets, the other in Adam's hair, but he's careful not to be rough. He likes it when Adam pulls his hair on stage, but he’s never liked getting his hair tugged when he's going down on a guy.
Adam hums and flicks his tongue and does a dozen tiny things that drive Tommy crazy, and he wants to come, he really wants to come, but he wants Adam to be inside of him more.
"Please, fuck me; I want to come with you inside of me," Tommy gasps, and he can't believe he's actually asking Adam to stop sucking his cock, but he hopes they'll be able to do this over and over again. Right now he wants Adam to fuck him; he wants the pleasure and the connection.
"Let me get lube and stuff.” Adam moves up the bed and gets a condom and lube out of the bedside cabinet; his hands are shaking just a little bit as he uncaps the lube.
Tommy spreads his legs wide beneath Adam, wrapping his arms around Adam's neck, and he gasps at the feeling of Adam's lubed fingers between his legs.
"Don't tease," Tommy begs, and Adam presses one long, talented finger inside of him.
"You feel so good," Adam says softly, and he is so careful as he prepares Tommy, so gentle, and Tommy can feel that Adam cares about him, more than anyone he has ever been with before. By the time Adam is rolling on the condom, Tommy is writhing desperate to feel Adam inside of him, and he can't keep his mouth shut, moaning and begging.
"Adam, now, come on," Tommy pleads, and Adam kisses him hard before he starts to thrust inside, his cock feeling impossibly big, but so good, the perfect stretch, and Tommy holds on tight, rolling his hips to take more of Adam, and fuck, it feels so good. so good.
"Fuck me harder, please," Tommy all but whimpers, and Adam does, one hand on Tommy's hip as he rocks his body into Tommy's; neither of them seems to be able to stop kissing for long, lips on lips, lips on every little bit of skin, and Adam doesn't make him feel self conscious about the marks Dan left on his body; he's careful, running gentle hands over the scratches, but he doesn't treat Tommy like he's fragile, like he's about to break.
"Dreamed about this for so long," Adam gasps, and Tommy has to kiss him again, he can't not, not when Adam says things like that.
"Me too” Tommy admits, and Adam groans, thrusting faster, his hand coming down to wrap around Tommy's cock, jerking him off in time with his perfect thrusts. Tommy can feel his orgasm building, pleasure tingling at the base of his spine, his balls drawing up, and it's all so good, almost overwhelming, but he never wants it to stop.
"Tommy," Adam groans, kissing his neck, sucking at the sensitive flesh, and God, Tommy wants to hear Adam saying his name like that for the rest of his life.
His hips buck, his back arches and pleasure crashes all through his body as he comes, and comes hard, spilling over Adam's fist, panting and moaning, and he feels so good; he doesn't believe anything can ever be perfect, not even sex, but this, this is as close to perfect as sex will ever get.
"So beautiful," Adam whispers, and he keeps thrusting, and Tommy reaches up to kiss him hungrily, loving that he can kiss Adam like this, just the two of them, no show, no audience.
Adam moans Tommy's name when he comes, and it’s a beautiful sound, one that makes Tommy's heart flutter, and he wraps his arms around Adam, holding him close, needing to feel all of Adam.
They lay together, their breathing slowly calming down, and after a while Adam pulls out and deals with the condom. But as soon as he's cleaned them up he's back in bed with Tommy, both of them laying on their sides, face to face under the covers, hardly any space between them.
"Please don't regret this," Adam says softly, sounding almost uncertain.
"Never," Tommy promises.
"I think I could very easily fall in love with you; I think I'm halfway there already," Adam whispers.
"Me too.” Tommy's not great with words, but he means it; he feels things for Adam, things that seem a lot like love. It's too early to say it, but he thinks soon, soon they will both be ready to say it.
"Me and you against the world?" Adam asks.
"Always. You've been my best friends for years, and you've always had my back. That's not going to change. I don't see it being easy, but we will make it work; I know we will," Tommy says firmly, tangling his fingers with Adam's.
They lay there together, just enjoying the simple pleasure of being together, and Tommy can't stop smiling. The sun shining through the window seems to prove his theory, that the weather seems to reflect his mood. He couldn't be happier right now, and the sun couldn't be shining brighter.
The End.