Chapter Text
May 10th, 2018
“M-Mr. Stark?” Peter stuttered, chest heaving with fearful breaths.
He couldn’t believe what was happening. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way.
Tony blinked up at him, eyes wide with shock. “Kid-“ He got out, and then he was dust just like everyone else, blowing away in the wind.
23 days after the decimation…
Peter had thought a lot about outer space in his short seventeen years on Earth. Definitely more than your average teen, but who hadn’t imagined being able to float around in the stars?
He had dreamed about being an astronaut for three and a half years when he was younger.
He had read anything pertaining to outer space that he could get his hands on, fiction or not. He read about constellations and black holes and space ships. He read about aliens and adventures and far off planets that surely didn’t exist.
In all that time, he hadn’t thought about how cold, dark, or quiet space was.
It was the cold he noticed first, after the shock had faded and Nebula herded him onto some spaceship that Peter would’ve found super cool under any other circumstance. The cold was biting against his skin and his suit was too damaged for the heater built into it to work.
Fun fact about spiders: they can’t thermoregulate. Fun fact about Peter: neither could he.
So Peter sat, bundled in all the blankets he could find, shivering his ass off.
Would he catch hypothermia? Is that what would finally kill him in the end? He had researched hypothermia before, knew how long and painful the process was. He just hoped the little bit of reprieve he would get near the end would be worth it.
In contrast to the cold, the dark wasn’t so bad at first.
It was usually comforting to his spider senses, sitting in a dark room. Now though, it felt suffocating. Like the darkness itself was closing in on him.
It didn’t help when they had to shut off all of the ship’s nonessential functions. He ached for just a little bit of light, some sunshine on his face, a fucking lamp.
But the darkness, at least, wouldn’t kill him.
The quiet might though.
Nebula, while very interesting, wasn’t very talkative and for all his complaints, he didn’t feel very chatty either. He had tried, at first but after a little over three weeks he had all but given up.
The world around him was completely silent, the only sounds filling the space at this point were the sounds of Peter’s stomach grumbling.
He finally understood what people meant when they said silence was loud.
Now he was freezing, starving, and traumatized.
And he was going to die in space.
If the conditions didn’t kill him, the fact that they were running out of food and oxygen would. He was trying to make peace with that, but it was surprisingly harder than it sounded.
He was shaken from his thoughts by a blinding light shining in through one of the ships windows. Peter squinted against the brightness, trying to see where it was coming from.
It… it was a woman. A glowing woman.
Was he finally at the stage where he started hallucinating?
25 days after the decimation…
The glowing woman was called Captain Marvel, or Carol as she’d told Peter to call her.
Peter couldn’t believe that she was here.
And he doubly couldn’t believe she was going to bring him home.
She was here. In the middle of space. And she was bringing him home.
34 days after the decimation…
Peter stumbled off the ship, eyes burning with bitter tears. He might’ve made it home but Tony never would.
“Oh, Peter.” Pepper ran forward to catch him as he stepped off of the ship, arms coming up to wrap around his body.
Peter’s knees buckled, face falling into her shoulder as tears swam down his cheeks. “I- I couldn’t save him.” He whispered brokenly. “I’m sorry.”
“Shhhh.” Pepper shushed him, tucking him further into her arms. “You have nothing to apologize for, sweetie.” She said vehemently.
“He- Tony- he-“ Peter stuttered, breaths heaving.
“I know, baby.” Pepper said with an aching sadness in her voice. “Everything will be okay.”
Peter nodded, pretending he didn’t hear the way her voice broke. He sniffed, looking up at the woman comforting him when he should be comforting her.
But before anything else, he had a single question.
“Where’s May?” He asked, dread building up inside of him as Pepper’s body stiffened against his.
Pepper’s face crumpled. Peter might’ve stopped breathing.
“No.” He choked out.
“Peter…” Pepper said softly, like she was talking to a frightened animal.
“No!” Peter shouted, whipping his head back and forth. “No, she can’t- she can’t be. S- She can’t!”
His throat was tight with a sort of fear he’d only ever felt a few times in his life.
“Pepper, please.” He pleaded. “Please don’t tell me that my aunt is dead.”
“I- “ Pepper grimaced, looking devastated in a way she hadn’t, even when they were talking about Tony. “I’m sorry.”
Peter fell to his knees.
36 days after the decimation…
It wasn’t just May. It was May, Ned, and MJ. Not to mention Tony and half of the entire universe. Half of everyone he knew was gone.
Almost everyone he cared about, everyone that cared about him, was dead.
All he had was Pepper.
And all Pepper had was him.
58 days after the decimation…
Peter sat on the roof of Stark Tower, eyeing the nanotech watch that housed his iron-spider suit. It sat innocently on his wrist, taunting him.
He couldn’t do it.
He couldn’t put on the suit.
He couldn’t be Spider-Man.
Not now. Maybe not ever.
His chest pinched at the thought of never putting the suit back on almost as much as it did at the idea of putting it back on.
Almost as much.
95 days after the decimation…
He didn’t even realize he’d missed his birthday until a few days after it had passed.
He should’ve been sad or mad or anything.
Instead, he was just numb.
Completely and totally numb.
101 days after the decimation…
School was strange. Everything was different and yet everything was exactly the same.
A strange dichotomy.
Peter hated every second of it. Walking in those cursed halls like half of the students and teachers hadn’t turned to dust three months ago.
How he was expected to do this, so soon after everything? He didn’t have a clue. He didn’t want to.
He never thought he’d be grateful for the fact that he could test out of high school and skip straight to college, but he was.
He was even more grateful when Pepper agreed he could do it all online. He was officially an high school graduate and enrolled in online classes at ESU three weeks later.
He never once looked back.
126 days after the decimation…
It had been a little over four months since the snap and Peter was totally fine. Completely and utterly okay.
Or at least he could pretend he was fine. Or could have. Until those words left Pepper’s mouth.
“I’m pregnant.” She said, trembling as she looked at him with sadness, fear, and a hint of excitement swimming in her eyes. Peter noticed that this time there was a little bit more light in them than usual.
His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. He choked back a sob, whether it was from happiness or despair was anybody’s guess.
Peter didn’t know what to think.
He wanted to be happy. Be happy for Pepper where she so desperately needed it. He could see in her face that she was worried about how he’d react and he didn’t want to hurt her. But he couldn’t help the hint of devastation that slammed into him.
Tony should be here. Tony should be the one standing here, hearing this news. Tony should know his child. But he never would.
He closed his mouth, taking a deep breath.
This was a good thing, right?
He could be happy about this. Pepper was pregnant. She was pregnant. There was a real life, actual baby growing inside of her stomach.
“Wow.” He breathed, voice raspy with emotion. “Wow.” He repeated slowly, eyes bulging.
Pepper was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. Tony’s baby. Tony’s legacy would live on. His lips twitched.
Everything would be okay.
Pepper was watching him closely, a small smile building on her face as she watched his reaction. “I hope she’ll have her big brother there when she’s born?” She said with a bit of hesitation.
Peter’s throat was tight at the implications of that sentence. “She? It’s a girl?” He asked, looking Pepper up and down like he might be able to see the baby girl herself.
And while he couldn’t see her, his chest squeezed when he focused, hearing another heartbeat coming from Pepper that he hadn’t noticed before.
He couldn’t help his grin now, any fears fading away even if just for a moment.
Pepper’s smile grew even more. She nodded, face brightening as Peter began to beam as well.
“Oh my god.” Peter said dumbly. “Oh my god!” He yelled, excitement growing.
He sprang forward, bundling Pepper into a bear hug. “Pep! This is amazing!“
Pepper pulled back, giggling lightly as she cradled her small bump. How he hadn’t noticed was beyond him.
“How long have you known?” Peter asked curiously, still staring at Pepper in awe.
At that, Pepper’s face dropped back into sadness. “A few days after…” She whispered, voice shaking.
Peter’s smile tightened. He grabbed her hands gently. “Pepper, he- Tony would have been so happy. He would have loved her.”
A tear slipped down Pepper’s cheek. “You think?”
“Of course!” Peter said, trying to sound as excited as he had just moments before and failing miserably. His voice broke slightly. “Of course he would, Pep.”
“Yeah.” Pepper blew out a breath, blinking rapidly. “Yeah. Okay.”
“I’ve got you.” Peter said, grip tightening on her hand. “It’s just me and you.” He said, echoing the phrase May always said to him after Ben passed.
Pepper smiled warmly, her lips trembling. “Me and you.” She echoed firmly.
179 days after the decimation…
It felt wrong to be in Tony’s lab without him. The man never let Peter in here on his own, always worrying needlessly about his safety.
Peter scoffed in the safety of his solitude.
Not like he could do anything about it now. And Pepper was too caught up in her grief and shock to say anything, not that he could blame her.
He rapped his knuckles against the surface of the work table and tapped his feet against the floor, unable to sit still.
He wasn’t sure what he was doing in here. After almost six months since Thanos snapped, he hadn’t stepped foot inside this room once. Until now.
A part of him wanted to rage, to destroy everything in the lab. He wanted to scream and cry and throw an absolute hissy fit.
He didn’t. He didn’t want to ruin the only things he had left of his mentor. He didn’t want to taint the memories they once shared of this space.
And he definitely didn’t want to scare the bots.
“It’s okay DUM-E!” Peter said, patting the robot on the chassis as he was nudged repeatedly in clear concern. “I’m fine. I promise.”
DUM-E beeped in clear doubt.
Peter rolled his eyes, sighing. “I am not fighting with you right now. Go play with U.”
Letting out another beep, this one very pitiful sounding, DUM-E rolled away, going to the far corner of the lab.
Reaching up to soothe the ache between his brows, Peter pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out another huff.
“Fucking hell.” He muttered, eyes burning. “Fri, bring up the schematics for Rhodey’s braces. He’s in dire need of an upgrade.” He said, trying for a lighthearted tone as he blinked away useless tears.
“You got it, Mini Boss.” Friday said happily, content to play along.
Peter flinched at the address but quickly got lost in the work.
He didn’t leave the lab for thirty-seven hours.
It was far from the last time that happened. No, in fact, it was just the beginning.
Maybe he was more like Tony than he thought.
213 days after the decimation…
He was used to adults worrying about him.
Whether it be his parents, his aunt and uncle, or Tony and Pepper, there hadn’t really been a point in his life where he didn’t have adults helicoptering around him, frantic in their concerns for him.
Hell, even the Avengers had joined in on it, when they were alive, or cared to remember he existed.
Back before… everything.
He wasn’t used to feeling like maybe they should be worried.
He knew he wasn’t doing well. He was drowning himself in his college classes and lab work. He occupied every free moment of time taking care of a heavily pregnant Pepper, who was rather preoccupied with growing an entire new life inside of her.
Pepper, who still found the time to hover over him like a mama bear and instead of rolling his eyes at her overprotectiveness, he took shaky breaths and held tightly onto her like she might disappear into dust like everyone else had.
And Pepper held him back just as tightly.
Happy and Rhodey were around every now and then too, fussing over him any chance they got.
But they weren’t there. Not like Pepper was.
Happy was here and there when they needed him, but subdued to a point that was noticeable and heart breaking. Since they rarely left the Tower, Happy mostly stayed on his floor.
Rhodey visited a handful of times, but the man was busy scraping together what was left of the Avengers. A losing battle.
They hadn’t really heard from anyone else. Not Natasha, or Steve, or even Dr. Banner.
For the most part, it was them against the world.
But Peter was starting to be okay with that.
245 days after the decimation…
Peter visited May’s grave for the first time exactly seven months and twenty-two days after the dusting.
On New Year’s day, he stared at the empty grave next to his parents and Ben and felt rage fill him, choking him, drowning him.
May deserved more than this. More than a false resting place, more than a vacant coffin.
He deserved more than this.
251 days after the decimation…
Pepper looked fit to burst.
At thirty-nine weeks pregnant, the woman’s belly was huge and the woman herself was very, very grumpy.
She was absolutely, completely, and utterly terrifying on a normal day. On a nine months pregnant day? She was scarier.
Peter had taken to hiding in the lab when Pepper went on one of her rampages.
Sometimes he wondered if he might finally understand Tony.
Probably not. Tony was a complicated enough person when he was… alive. To understand him after he was gone? It felt impossible.
He did know Pepper though, or he thought he might be starting to. But that was what living with someone did to a person.
He would forever be thankful that Pepper practically forced him to move in with her after everything. But still, living with a pregnant woman who just lost her fiancé who was also your sorta father figure? Not easy.
Not easy at all.
Thank all that’s good in the world for Happy and Rhodey. Peter wouldn’t have been able to do it without them. They weren’t always there but they were most always available and that lifted a weight off of Peter’s shoulders.
And he loved Pepper, he really did. But with pregnancy, she became a complete rage monster. Peter was honestly scared for his life at several points over the last few months.
Like right now.
“Oh my GOD!” Pepper shouted from upstairs.
Peter found himself running before he’d even realized what was happening. “What?!” He yelped, slipping as he got to the top of the stairs. “Pep, are you okay?!”
Pepper was leaned over the side of the couch, groaning loudly. Peter’s heart raced.
“Pepper!” He worried, getting back up and racing towards her.
“Oh thank god!” Pepper said with a deep groan, reaching up and snatching Peter’s hand in a crushing hold. “Peter.” She muttered. “I’m in labour. Call Helen.”
Peter’s eyebrows screwed up. “Dr. Cho? Are you sure? She’s not an-“
“Call her.” Pepper ordered the gritted teeth, squeezing his hand even tighter. “I want Helen.”
Peter held in a whimper and nodded, fumbling to get his phone and dial the number. He tapped his foot as the line rang, rubbing a thumb over the back of Pepper’s hand as she rocked her body slowly back and forth and took deep breaths.
“Peter?” Dr. Cho asked, sounding as though she had just woken up. Peter glanced at the time. 2:53am. Well… okay.
“Dr. Cho! I’m so sorry to bother you so late but Pepper is currently in labour and is demanding your… uh… assistance. Please hurry!” Peter rushed out, wincing as Pepper’s contractions started again.
“I’m on my way.” Cho said, suddenly very alert. “Keep her calm and time her contractions.” She ordered, then hung up. Peter stared at the phone for a moment in shock.
“Well?” Pepper asked impatiently.
“She’s on her way.” He replied softly, reaching out his other hand to rub her back. “We should probably make our way down to the medbay. You up for it?”
Pepper looked up at him, tears in her eyes. “I can’t do this without him.” She whispered, voice ripe with anguish.
Peter held back the flinch. He blinked back the tears. Pepper needed him to be strong for this.
“Pep, what are you saying? Yes you can.” He promised, looking her in the eye. “You are Pepper fucking Potts! You can do anything, especially this.”
Not even scolding him for his language, Pepper let out a small wail that broke Peter’s heart. “How? How can I do this? How can I be a mom? I’m all alone.”
That broke his heart a little bit more. He squeezed her hand gently. “You’re already a mom.” He said softly, feeling extremely vulnerable. “And a really good one.”
Pepper’s face softened as she sniffled a bit. “Peter…”
“You can do this, Pep.” Peter swore, cutting her off from whatever she was going to say. “You’re not alone. It’s me and you, remember?
“Me and you.” She breathed out shakily, sweat building on her forehead.
Her lips twitched up in response before the contractions took over once more and had her groaning and trying her best to break his hand.
Fucking hell.
252 days after the decimation…
Morgan Hope Stark was born January 17th at 9:53 am. She was the most perfect bundle of seven pounds and three ounces that Peter had ever seen in his life. It was love at first sight. He knew the second he laid eyes on her that he would do everything in his power to protect her always.
He would take on the role of big brother with pride and honor and she’d probably hate him for it.
He couldn’t wait.
279 days after the decimation…
Note to self: Babies scream very, very fucking loudly. All night long.
294 days after the decimation…
Peter took the lion share of Morgan’s care for the whole week of Pepper’s birthday.
On the actual day, he surprised the woman who had given him everything in the wake of the end of the world with flowers and breakfast in bed.
They’d both cried before the day was over.
But they made it through the day, and that was all that mattered.
Just had to make it through the day.
321 days after the decimation…
When he saw her in the lobby, he almost couldn’t believe his eyes.
Then, her gaze snapped to him with laser precision and he had to believe it, because she was walking directly towards him, zero hesitation in her stride.
Natasha Romanoff looked rough, almost as though she’d aged half a decade in just under a year. Her natural red hair had started to grow back in and the ends were still bleached blonde, but it was dull overall. She looked exhausted in the bone deep type of way and it sent worried sparks down Peter’s spine.
“Miss Romanoff.” He greeted warily, giving the spy a small smile as she reached him. “What are you doing here?”
Natasha’s lips lifted in a half hearted smirk. “What? Not happy to see me, маленький паучок?”
Peter let out a small scoff. “Of course I am.” He promised, the nickname sending both nostalgic and bitter feelings through him. “Of course, but- “ He went to say more but then he looked around, seeing all the employees not so subtly eavesdropping. He turned back to Natasha. “Follow me, we can go somewhere more private to talk.”
Natasha nodded acquiescently, lips pursed in thought as she walked beside him.
“You’ve grown.” She said as they stepped inside the elevator, Friday sending them up without a word spoken.
Peter scoffed again, some irony leaking out into his tone. “Yeah, well it’s been almost a year since you’ve seen me. Teenagers tend to do that.”
Natasha closed her eyes, as if his words pained her. When she opened them, her gaze was sad. “I’m sorry, мой паук.” She said, sincerity oozing from her voice. “I never meant to abandon you, but…”
“What?” Peter asked, biting his lip. His favorite sparring partner sounded more hesitant and fearful than he had ever heard her. He suddenly felt very, very worried. “What is it?”
Natasha took a long, deep breath before speaking. “Clint, he… I’ve been trying to find him.”
“Find him?” Peter asked in confusion. “Where is he?”
“I don’t know.” Natasha admitted, grimacing. “He disappeared not long after… after.”
“Oh.” Peter breathed dumbly, jumping in shock when the elevator doors opened into the penthouse.
“Peter, sweetheart, is that you?” Pepper’s voice called from somewhere in the living room.
“Yeah!” Peter called back, kicking off his shoes.
“Can you come here?” She hollered, sounding like she was trying not to laugh.
“Coming!” He turned to Natasha, indicating she should follow him.
He did not expect what he saw. Pepper was kneeling on the floor in front of Morgan, watching as the girl repeatedly attempted to lift her head while lying on her stomach. Her head kept drooping in her sleepiness but she fought hard. She had only just gained the strength to do that and every time she did was cause for celebration in their home.
“Oh my god!” He whisper shouted excitedly, momentarily forgetting all negative thoughts and feelings. “Look at you!” He cooed. His baby sister was growing so fast and he couldn’t handle it. He wanted her to stay teeny tiny forever.
Pepper looked up, a bright, proud grin on her face. A grin which faltered upon catching sight of the other person in the room.
Natasha was watching the scene with a soft, tender look on her face. “Hey, Pepper. Long time no see.”
“Nat.” Pepper said, clearing her throat. She narrowed her eyes. “Whose fault is that?”
Natasha winced, shoulders hunching. Peter blinked in shock. The spy was usually much more careful about hiding her emotions. Especially negative ones.
Pepper seemed just as surprised, standing up and stepping away from Morgan. “Whats wrong?” She asked, a sharply worried frown on her lips.
Natasha bit her lip, fidgeting with her fingers. Her eyes darted to Morgan, and then back to Pepper and Peter. “It’s Clint.” She said. “I need you to help me find him.”
Peter’s chest clenched, both in fear for Clint and in indignation for himself. So that was why she finally showed her face?
Nice.
I need you to help me find him.
That was apparently easier said than done.
1 year after the decimation…
The one year anniversary of the snap passed in a manner that was both painful and mind numbingly slow.
Peter could rarely escape the pain in the world most days. Dark emotions saturated every person he passed and he knew he echoed it most of the time.
But this day?
This day was worse. So much worse. The despair in the air was palpable and suffocating.
Peter spent the entire day in the lab, not daring to leave. He barely even worked, just sat and stared at the spot where Tony used to sit.
Where he would never sit again.
Before the day was over, Pepper slipped inside the lab, wrapping Peter in a hug he barely returned.
”Me and you, right?” She murmured, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
Peter’s eyes burned and he nodded slowly.
He didn’t say a word