Chapter Text
Greg Heffley, aged fourteen, sits on his bed on the night before his first day of high school.
Greg finally feels that it's time to start exploring his body, so he takes out his eighth grade yearbook.
'How about one last memory before I throw you out like all my other ones.' He thinks, opening the first page.
He finds a picture of Holly Hills, the girl he has an unofficial romance with, aiming his eyes into her.
It's almost like they're staring into each other's souls.
Greg sticks his hand down his boxers, beginning to genuinely stroke the meat dangling between his legs.
The meat does not rise like expected.
"What the fudge?" He asks himself, deciding to rub even harder.
Nothing happens.
"Oh, come on! You stupid thing-"
He stops talking mid-sentence, when his eyes roam to a picture of his best friend since childhood-Rowley Jefferson.
"HUH?" He asks, as he gets the biggest hard-on he's ever had in his life.
'How is this HAPPENING! I'm not GAY! I love HOLLY!'
When resting his eyes on her picture again, his dick goes down.
Rowley. Up.
Holly. Down.
Rowley. Up.
Holly. Down.
Sweating and gulping, Greg now knows what's going on.
"Zoo-wee-mama..." He whispers confidently, looking back at Rowley's smiling face in the picture.
Up.
He begins to jerk it.
The thoughts running in his head about Rowley are rather naughty.
"Zoo-wee-mama..." He repeatedly whispers with each pump, growing closer to his climax.
"Zoo-wee-mama...zoo-wee-mama. Zo-wee-mama..." The volume of his voice of voice grows just above a whispers.
"ZO-WEE-MAMA!!!" He shouts, when climaxing intensely.
There's a knock on his door, making Greg knock his yearbook onto the floor.
"Greg?" Asks his older emo brother Roderick.
"Did you just say zoo-wee-mama?"
"What? No..."
"Okay. Just checking." The sound of a drum cymbal is heard, making Greg's boner go down.
If you ever want to be brought out of the mood, just listen to Roderick's drumming.
Greg sighs dramatically, reaching into his pants for a dipping of his love liquid.
"Zoo-wee-mama..." He whispers again, using it to draw a heart of the picture of Rowley's face.
He uses the same liquid to draw an X over Holly's.