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The date was February 14th 2007, couples were being extra affectionate, girls were giving each-other small heart-shaped boxes of cheap chocolate and little kids were making elaborately messy valentine’s cards for their parents. It was also a day when Dan Howell was walking home, alone, in the rain hating the world and everyone in it. Dan shrugged trying to find a more comfortable spot for his backpack strap. He had his black book-bag was slung ‘casually’ over one shoulder. It was decorated with multicolored pins ranging from sarcastic sayings to alternative rock groups and everything in between. His skinny jeans were heavy with rainwater and his perfectly straightened fringe was beginning to curl. Dan stomped up the steps slammed his way through the door and kicked off his vans sneakers with unnecessary force.
“Someone had a nice Valentine’s Day.” Dan’s older brother Phil’s voice wafted from the kitchen accompanied by the smell of pancakes.
“Phil why are you making pancakes? Did you just get up?” Dan asked ignoring Phil’s comment and stepping into the kitchen. The kitchen was very obviously decorated by their mother. Everything was light pink, white or orange and frilly. The curtains had ruffles, the tablecloth had ruffles, the hand towels on the stove had ruffles, the toaster-cover had ruffles and Phil had ruffles. The black haired boy was standing over the stove wearing skin-tight black skinny jeans a long-sleeved plaid shirt, mismatched socks and their mother’s extremely feminine apron. All were covered in flour, including Phil’s socks.
“No, Dan. I had classes this morning at the university, I came back and I’m making pancakes because I want to ok?” He turned to face Dan hand on hip wildly waving the spatula in all directions as he talked.
“Sounds like someone else had a stellar V-Day.” Dan mumbled turning to leave before Phil started in on him again.
“Dan.” Phil called “Dan come back!” Phil grabbed Dan by the back of his shirt and reeled him back into the kitchen. “I’m sorry. I’m just a bit testy. I’m just lonely, you know how it is.” Phil mumbled releasing Dan’s shirt hesitantly.
“Oh gee thanks, Phil.” Dan teased pretending to be hurt “I’m terminally single and obviously an expert on being lonely.”
“Oh stop it.” Phil swatted at Dan with one hand and started flipping pancakes with the other. “I don’t even understand why you’re single in the first place, you’re a good catch. You want some pancakes?”
“Yeah, of course.” Dan said noticing Phil had already had two plates out when he arrived and he smiled to himself. Although they argued from time to time Phil really was a great sibling. “And stop it, I know you’re only saying that because you have to; you’re my brother.” Phil handed Dan his plate and they sat down at the table.
“I don’t have to do anything for you.” Phil elbowed at him “Jerkface.”
“Ah stop I’ll get syrup all over the table.” Dan screeched
Once the pancakes were eaten and the kitchen was cleaned Dan stretched absently and asked
“So where are mum and dad anyway?”
“Dan, it’s Valentine’s day.” Phil said as if he didn’t want to bring up the subject.
“Oh. Right.” Dan said awkwardly. “So when are they coming home?”
“They’re not.” Phil said straying to the living room to tidy. “They’ve got a hotel room. They’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Oh wow. Um well I guess that’s….good?” Dan muttered his face heating up. “Oh imagine if we got a sister out of it!” Dan blurted out
“Oh god.” Phil cried dramatically falling into a chair. “More siblings, it was bad enough having a puny half-brother!” Dan reached over to mess up Phil’s hair in protest. Phil grabbed Dan’s arm and pulled causing Dan to topple over into Phil’s lap.
“I’m not that bad of a puny half-brother am I?” Dan asked quietly still draped over Phil.
“No.” Phil whispered. His demeanor had changed entirely. He seemed almost nervous. “You’re pretty great for a little brother.”
“You Ok, Phil?” Dan asked looking up at his brother whose face and neck were beginning to redden.
“Yeah, your cutting off my leg circulation you whale.” Phil said pushing at Dan to make him get off. Dan’s face fell and he removed himself from Phil.
“Oh. I’m sorry.” Dan murmured looking down at himself. “I shouldn’t have eaten those pancakes…” Dan pinched a bit of skin on his stomach between two fingers.
“Oh come off it.” Phil said standing up and wrapping his arms around Dan’s shoulders. “You’re not fat. You were just sitting on my phone and it pinched something I guess.” Dan raised his head to look Phil in the eyes.
“Oh is that what that was? I wondered what was in your pocket.” Dan smiled mischievously and poked at Phil. “Are you sure I’m not fat?” He whispered I mean I know I’m not strong but I-I don’t know….am I fat?”
“Ugh.” Phil groaned. “Just to please the girl in you…” Phil ran his hands up Dan’s sides from his armpits to his recently defined hips and then again over his stomach. “No you are not fat.” Phil coughed a bit. “So…..”
“So.” Dan responded with top-notch conversationalist skills. His heart was beating a bit faster than normal and his torso was warm where Phil’s hands had been. He really did need to find someone. He could feel his face start to heat up and he rocked back and forth on his toes.
“You want to go watch romantic comedies in my room with me?” Phil asked, his voice cracking.
“By romantic comedies do you mean the Underworld: Evolution and Studio Ghibli?” Dan asked skeptically.
“Yes.” He admitted.
“Absolutely.” Dan briefly wondered why Phil suggested watching movies in his room and not the living room but decided that a little closeness would be good even if it was with his brother. The house seemed awfully big with only the two of them in it and he could use a cuddle after seeing all the ‘happy couples’ at his high school. Phil grabbed some DVDs from a shelf near the TV and we ascended the stairs leading to his room.
“Wow Phil!” Dan cried as they stepped through the doorway. Phil’s room had its usual blue and green wallpaper, usual blue and green bedspread usual furniture usual everything but without its usual fire-hazard level mess. All Dan’s life it seemed Phil’s room had been cluttered and sometimes downright dirty but today it was spotless. “Oh my god I’m so impressed!” Even Phil’s odd collection of lions was lined up neatly by size. The inner-dragon of OCD in Dan’s stomach let out a contented sigh.
“Thanks.” Phil muttered looking both embarrassed and pleased at the compliment. “Come on, sit down.” He patted the bed next to him as he clicked through the DVD menu with the remote. Dan sat down on the bed feeling slightly giddy and self-conscious. The sun was setting casting shadows around them, My Neighbor Totoro was playing across the television screen and Dan was lying on a bed next to his admittedly good-looking older brother who smelled like lynx body spray and shower gel that was probably meant for females. It made a pretty good combination.
“Phil, youshouldpretendtobemyboyfriend!” Dan covered his mouth in shock that he had let that slip. Phil turned very slowly towards his furiously-blushing younger brother and raised one eyebrow. “Oh my god I am so sorry. I’ll just go now. Oh my god what was I thinking. Haha I’m so stupid.” Dan attempted to bolt out of the room but Phil caught his wrist and Dan fell spectacularly onto the corner of the bed and then bounced onto the floor.
“Don’t be stupid.” Phil said dragging Dan back up onto his bed. “I don’t mind. I kind of know how you feel.” Phil said avoiding Dan’s gaze. “I’ll pretend.” A faint blush rose on Phil’s cheeks making him look even more attractive than before. Dan gulped but got back onto the bed and crawled closer to Phil. “I’d be a pretty good boyfriend actually.” Phil bragged.
“Oh yeah?” Dan felt the tension in his stomach start to wane.
“Yeah.” Phil said reaching over the edge of the bed. “Because I got you these and I actually stopped myself from eating them.” Phil had retrieved a large rectangular box of maltesers.
“Oh my god!” Dan squealed. “I can’t-I just-you’re the best!” He cried flinging himself at Phil and wrapping his arms around his neck.
“Jeez it’s like no one’s ever given you chocolate before.” Phil mumbled as Dan untangled himself to break into the box of malted milk balls from heaven.
“Not on Valentine’s Day they haven’t.” Dan said matter-of-factly
“Seriously? I’d expect you’d already had at least three boxes by the time you came home today.”
“Nope.” Dan said lifting the first chocolate to his mouth and slowly taking it from his fingers with his tongue moaning in ecstasy when the chocolate was fully enveloped by his mouth. He bounced up and down on the bed completely lost in the moment as he licked the chocolate off another maltesers. He let out another higher-pitched moan as he chewed on it slowly. He was in the middle of slowly licking his fingers when Phil coughed. He was beet red and trying very hard not to look at Dan.
“I didn’t know you’d like them that much.” He mumbled and shifted his weight around.
“I’m sorry.” Dan said scooting a bit closer to Phil. “I’ll eat them quietly.”
A little while later Satsuki ran across the screen in desperate search of her little sister Mei. Dan and Phil had gradually scooted closer to one another and Dan held a maltesers up and whispered
“Want one?”
“Dan they’re yours, I bought them for you.” Phil reasoned.
“That doesn’t mean I can’t share them.” Dan whispered back
“Alright then.” Phil smiled and before he could move his hand Dan had pushed the candy into Phil’s mouth. Dan was transfixed watching his finger surrounded by his brother’s lips. Phil took the maltesers and licked down Dan’s finger sucking lightly. Dan hastily removed his finger blushing brightly.
“Sorry.” He whispered sinking down into the pillows. Phil chuckled and threw an arm around his embarrassed little brother. They watched the rest of the movie in silence.
“So, baby, are you hungry or did the maltesers fill you up?” Phil teased
“I am sorry I even suggested the boyfriend thing, you’re never going to let me live it down are you?”
“Nope.” Phil said with a grin, his tongue sticking out of his mouth. “But seriously are you hungry? Mom left us money we could get pizza.”
“Yes actually I am feeling a bit peckish.”
“You’re so posh.” Phil messed up Dan’s hair and rolled off the bed.
“I. Am. ARTICULATE!” Dan yelled throwing a pillow at Phil.
“What do you want on the pizza?” Phil laughed throwing the pillow on the bed near Dan’s feet.
“I could go for Hawaiian, actually.” Dan answered.
“No problem.” Phil ginned at him. “Now I just have to go find my phone and call for a pizza for my posh little boyfriend.” Phil laughed shutting the door quickly so the pillow Dan had thrown bounced off it and not him.
“It was in mom’s apron of all places.” Phil laughed as he returned to his room and then stopped dead. Dan was sat cross-legged on the floor surrounded by all Phil’s lions in a circle and seemed to be chanting in French under his breath. “What are you even doing?”
“I am summoning the god of the lions to help me with my nonexistent love-life.” Dan replied trying to make his voice deep and gravely.
“Well then you have succeeded.” Phil let out an adorable roar and full on pounced on Dan like a lion with its prey, pinning Dan’s legs and arms down in the process.
“Well that was unexpected.” Dan struggled to free himself but couldn’t move under Phil’s weight.
“I thought you wanted my help, young two-legs.” Phil purred.
“Erm…” Phil grinned and gave Dan a kiss on the cheek. Dan gasped and squirmed harder. “Phil let me go!” he whined his face reddening and his muscles tense.
“Alright.” Phil grinned rolling off of Dan. “Pick up my lions you weirdo.” Phil started to get up but Dan threw himself on top of Phil.
“Payback is a bitch, Phil.” Dan grinned mischievously as he held down his brother’s limbs. Phil didn’t try to struggle.
“Yeah a whiney little bee-otch.” Phil answered and easily pulled himself into a sitting position. “You’re still smaller than me sweetheart.” Phil laughed and kissed his brother on the other cheek.
“Aaaugh Phiiiiil!” Dan whined rolling backwards and rubbing his face with his hands. “Gross.”
Phil chuckled and went about changing the DVD to underworld as Dan reluctantly cleared his broken circle of lions. The doorbell rang and Phil went down to get the pizza.
“Should we be eating in your room?” Dan asked nervously. “Mom doesn’t like it…”
“Oh my god Dan! You just ate a box of maltesers in here, mom’s not even home and I’ve been eating in my room since I was younger than you are.” Phil said exasperatedly. “Just sit up and don’t spill, it’ll be fine.”
“Oh, Ok then sure.” Dan said his face heating up. Younger than you are Phil had said. Suddenly Dan felt very young, naive and out of place. He took one of the paper plates Phil offered and put a piece of pizza on it. Soon he was too caught up in the movie to pay attention to his insecurities. After the pizza had been polished off Phil set the box on the floor and pulled Dan into a cuddling position. Dan cuddled into Phil’s shoulder and turned his attention back to the TV. The characters were kissing, when did that happen? And now their clothes were coming off. Oh god please cut to black please cut to black Dan thought to himself. Now they were kissing both bare-chested. A blush rose on Dan’s cheeks and he whispered to Phil
“Have you seen this movie before?”
“Um. No actually.” Phil’s voice cracked and Dan saw that he was as red has himself. Sensual music flooded from Phil’s surround sound speakers and they both fidgeted. The kissing had turned into a full-blown sex-scene. Their skin flowed together, the woman’s mouth hung open in an unheard moan and Dan’s pulse sped up. God damn it not now he tried telepathically communicating with his penis, which wasn’t listening, and he tried to slow his breathing. Phil whimpered and Dan looked up to see that his brother was equally affected by the picture. His face heated up, his breathing faster than normal and his Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed.
“You alright?” Dan whispered and Phil whipped his head to stare down at his little brother who at the moment was feeling quite small.
“Just jealous really.” Phil said his face reddening even more. “I haven’t even been kissed in ages.”
“I haven’t been kissed since two years ago in freshman year when Micha Wells pulled my behind the bleachers, molested my mouth and tried to touch my butt.”
“Oh you poor thing.” Phil laughed breathily. “You know I’m supposed to be pretending to be your boyfriend…” Phil pushed Dan’s fringe away from his eyes and leaned closer. “I don’t think I’ve been doing the best job.” Phil loomed ever closer to Dan’s face and his throat went dry. “Is this Ok?” Phil’s words ghosted over Dan’s lips and Dan felt his eyes start to close.
“Yeah.” He breathed without quite meaning to. What was he doing? Alarm bells were going off everywhere in his head, he was kissing his brother. His older brother! His older brother who happened to be a pretty good kisser… Dan’s thoughts trailed off as Phil moved his head and deepened the kiss running his tongue over Dan’s lower lip. Dan opened his mouth instinctively and Phil cautiously touched the tip of Dan’s tongue with his own. They both shuddered and Phil pushed Dan back onto the pillows his tongue sliding farther into Dan’s mouth. Dan let out a whimpering moan and Phil stilled and then flung himself away from Dan toppling over backwards and falling off the bed.
“Well.” Dan said his voice somewhat lower. “That was a spectacular flip Phil, are you alright?”
“No.” Phil’s voice had dropped into a deep bass “No I’m not alright Dan.” Dan wasn’t really listening to his words. His eyes were half-lidded and he was thinking about how sexy Phil’s voice was. “I just made out with you!” Phil jumped to his feet running his hands through his hair. “This is so bad.”
“Yeah…you did.” Dan said somewhat dazed and then sobered up quickly “this is bad? Why is this bad? I said it was ok.”
“You saying it was ok doesn’t make it ok Dan.” Phil said pacing back and forth “Oh god this is so so bad.” He screwed his eyes shut and pulled at his hair again. Dan sat up in worry.
“Phil honestly, it’s fine it was just a kiss. No more than two people playing spin the bottle at a party, it’s fine.” Dan sat up trying to calm Phil down.
“No. It wasn’t Dan.” Phil said coming and leaning over Dan threateningly. “We are not at a party, we are alone. We are not two random kids, we are brothers and it’s not fine because you are 16 and you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that to you.” Dan’s eyes widened in shock and Phil’s widened even more. “Oh my god.” He whispered “Oh my god Dan I’m so sorry.” He bolted from the room with Dan hot in pursuit. Phil slammed the bathroom door behind him and Dan heard the click of the lock sliding firmly in place. Dan pressed his ear to the door and heard a faint chanting as if Phil was whispering ‘oh god’ over and over to himself.
“Phil please come out.” Dan called through the door. The whispering paused. “Please don’t feel awkward, it’s just as much my fault as yours.”
“But I-I told you…I shouldn’t have said that oh my god I should not have said that.”
“Honestly Phil, It’s fine. Come out.”
“I can’t.” Phil moaned “You hate me and I-I-I-“ Phil cut himself off with a dry sob.
“Phil I don’t hate you, you idiot!” Dan laughed. The sobbing continued. “Holy shit! Phil are you crying?”
“No!” Phil’s voice was wet with anguish.
“Yes you are.” Dan shouted starting to panic. “You open this door right now Phil.” Dan yelled pounding his fists into the wood. “I’ll fucking break it down now you let me in!” Dan started ramming the door with his shoulder. Phil opened the door and Dan fell into the bathroom luckily Phil caught him before he hit the tile floor.
“I think you over-reacted a tad, Dan.” Phil whispered
“I overreacted?” Dan snorted accusingly, whipping the stray tears of Phil’s face.
“Yeah ok I really overreacted but you did too.” Phil said looking down at the floor.
“Yeah I guess I kind of did. I was just worried.”
“I feel like an idiot.” Phil shrugged his shoulders pulling on his shirtsleeves. “You want some ice-cream?”
“Yeah ok.” The boys trooped down the staircase on their way to the kitchen. “I can’t believe you left your phone in mom’s apron. Does that thing even have pockets?”
“Yeah it has a pocket.” Phil started rummaging through the freezer.
“Hang on!” Dan said a bit too loudly. “You said your phone was in your pocket when I fell on you, you weren’t wearing mom’s apron!” Dan said accusingly and Phil shoved his head into the freezer as if he wanted nothing more than to crawl in it and die. “OHMIGOD PHIL!” Dan shrieked his face reheating.
“It’s not my fault you fell on my crotch!” Phil snapped his face still lodged in the freezer.
“Yes it is! You pulled me!” Dan said laughing. “Oh my god you massive pervert!”
“Oh shut up you’re the one who moaned like a slut when I kissed you.” Dan shut up, shocked.
“Phil you swore.” He said dumbly. “You swore. You called me a slut…” Dan was looking at his brother in awe.
“I am perfectly capable of swearing you twat of a fucking trollop.” Phil said perfectly serious. “You have no idea of what I’m capable of.” Phil said haughtily.
“Not yet anyway.” Dan whispered.
“What was that?”
“Oh nothing, what kind of ice cream do we have?” Dan said widening his eyes and trying to look innocent.
“Strawberry.” Phil answered pulling out the ice cream from the freezer and some whipped cream from the refrigerator. He scooped rather large amounts of ice cream into two bowls handed one to Dan and grabbed two spoons from the drawer near the dishwasher. He tucked the whipped cream under one arm and wordlessly led Dan up the stairs.
“You think I’m such a kid!” Dan burst out. “I’m almost 17! I have to wear deodorant! I’ve watched porn! I have hormones too you know.” Phil stopped dead with one foot into his bedroom and one in the hallway.
“Uh…what now?” He said slowly turning back to look at his disgruntled brother, his eyes wide in surprise and confusion.
“You said it wasn’t ok because I was 16. I’ve got needs too Phil! I’m not a kid!” Dan said his jaw jutting out as he tried in vain to make himself seem taller.
“Dan.” Phil set his ice cream down on his night stand and put his hands on his brother’s shoulders squeezing slightly. “I didn’t say it was because you were immature. I said it because that makes you jailbait.” Phil said bluntly removing his hands and sitting on his bed.
“Yeah but it’d only be illegal if you-“ Phil raised an eyebrow and grinned at Dan threateningly. “OH.” Dan squeaked. He sat down gingerly on the bed at the absolute farthest point away from Phil that he could.
“Still have needs, tiger?” Phil mocked him trying not to laugh.
“Yes.” Dan said indignantly. Catching the metal can of whipped cream that a laughing Phil threw at him.
Dan sprayed far too much whipped cream into his bowl for a normal human and then reached over Phil’s body making far too much contact than necessary. He fished out a malteser from the abandoned box on Phil’s nightstand and placed it on top of his bowl of whipped cream. Phil spooned small amounts of ice-cream into his mouth as he watched his brother with interest. Dan could feel Phil’s eyes on him as he licked whipped cream off of his spoon pulling it slowly out of his mouth.
“Cut it out, Dan.” Phil growled.
“Cut what out?” Dan had slowly eaten all of his whipped cream and picked the can up again. He squirted a small amount into his mouth and swallowed. The muscles in his throat moved under his skin in an oddly graceful movement. Dan ran his tongue across the opening of the can collecting all of the cream he hadn’t managed to get in his mouth.
“You know exactly what you’re doing and I suggest you stop.” Phil’s voice was deep again and his eyes had darkened. “You’re playing with fire.”
“Oh I’m so scared Phil. Dan scraped a bit of ice cream out of his dish and sucked on the spoon for far too long.
“You should be.” Phil said nonchalantly. “I could rip you apart quite easily.”
“Oh yeah?” Dan laughed. “You and what army?”
“This army.” Phil said grabbing his crotch. Dan broke out in a blush.
“God Phil when did you get so rude?” Dan’s voice shook as he put his empty bowl down.
“Since you started eating whipped cream like I was paying you.” Phil said simply. Discarding his own bowl and pulling Dan close to him. “I’m sorry I keep being weird. You want to listen to muse with me?”
“Yeah ok.” Dan grinned at his brother happy to find some small normalcy in this night. “Light your candles like you did last time, it was so cool!”
“Yeah ok.” Phil grinned as he pressed play on his stereo and shuffled around in a drawer for the small collection of white candles. He lit them as his mix-tape started to play Starlight. Dan smiled to himself as Phil spread the candles around his room and turned the lights off.
Dan and Phil lay together for some time just enjoying the company and the atmosphere. Dan could feel his heartbeat was a bit faster than normal, the day had been…interesting and the way the candlelight flickered off Phil’s face made him seem dangerous, otherworldly, and hot. Most definitely hot. Dan thought to himself swallowing and shifting around.
“Y-ok Dan?” Phil yawned. “Your back hurt?” Dan whimpered and nodded. Phil nodded back sitting up and pulling Dan up. “I hate this stupid bed, when I move out I’m going to get the most expensive bed I can afford and it is going to be wonderful. Would you like a backrub?”
“Please?” Dan asked as Phil moved around to sit behind him and placed his hands on Dan’s shoulders. “Do you think you’ll move out soon?” Dan held his lip between his teeth “I mean, I’ll miss you.” Dan finished in whisper.
“Not too soon Dan don’t worry.” Phil comforted his brother. “I won’t leave you just yet. Would it make you uncomfortable to take your shirt off? I know it’s been… weird… but it’s hard to give you a massage through your shirt.”
“Yeah it’s fine.” Dan smiled at himself shucking his shirt off without a hint of self-consciousness. Phil swallowed audibly and Dan arched his back. “Get with the rubbing Phil!” He commanded. Phil let out a breathy laugh and started rubbing small circles into Dan’s shoulders with his thumbs. His hands felt huge and hot on Dan’s cold back. Soon Dan felt his eyes flutter closed as his body started to relax. “Mmmmmm I didn’t know I was so tense.” Dan leaned back into Phil’s hands which were now in the middle of his back.
“Well it was probably a bit my fault.” Phil whispered in his ear. “I’m sorry I’ve been acting so weird.” Phil’s hands dropped a bit lower. “It’s just seeing everyone at Uni you know? I’m sure it was worse for you at high school. Just seeing everyone so in love, hormones flying everywhere…” Phil trailed off his hands drifted to massage right above the rim of Dan’s jeans. “You’re the only one I really get along with anymore besides Pj, who never seems to have the time you know? But I can come home every day and see your smiling face and spend time with you.” Dan felt his face heat up for what felt like the thousandth time. “I really like that.” Phil whispered almost inaudibly. “I’m so messed up. I’m sorry.” Phil pulled away from Dan who gasped at the lack of contact. He turned around and rested a hand on Phil’s leg with a sigh.
“Stop being a stupid twat and kiss me again.” Phil didn’t hesitate and captured Dan’s lips with his own. Dan whimpered into the kiss, it was as good as before if not better. He pulled away reluctantly. “Phil it’s pretty obvious you like me.” Phil flushed “I like you too. Wrong or not this is happening so can we please stop questioning it?” Phil looked at Dan as if he had three heads and dove back towards him kissing him without restraint. Dan let his mouth fall open giving Phil full access. Phil ran his tongue eagerly around Dan’s mouth as if he was trying to commit the geography to memory. Dan felt his back touch the pillows and let himself be pushed down and Phil climb on top of him. Phil moved his mouth down to Dan’s neck and Dan let out a completely unexpected moan. Phil answered in a smaller more reserved moan and bit the spot that he had kissed. Dan let out a louder moan and rolled his hips up into Phil’s. Phil stilled and pulled away from Dan’s neck until they met each other’s gaze both panting.
“Dan I can’t do this.” Phil whispered. “I want you. I don’t want to take the chance that I can’t stop myself.” Worry clouded in Phil’s blue eyes.
“Phil if you were hurting me I have no doubt you would stop.” Dan reasoned, his voice low in volume and pitch “You’re my big brother. You protect me, you’d never let anything bad to happen to me. I trust you. You’re my best friend and I’d rather do this with you than anyone else.” Phil looked down at Dan’s lips and back up to his face.
“I promise I’ll stop if you tell me to.” Phil lent down and kissed Dan again. It was a sweet kiss different from their frenzied sloppy ones from before. “But I have to tell you something.” He sighed
“Go on. It’s fine.” Dan looked innocently up at Phil.
“Dan, I’m a virgin.” Phil looked away his cheeks scarlet.
“Why are you embarrassed?” Dan asked “I am too.”
“Yeah I know.” Phil let out a sigh “And if this progresses… I don’t want your first time being with someone who you’re not even dating who doesn’t have remotely any experience.”
“You are so stupid.” Dan said exasperatedly. “Fuck Phil do I have to write it down for you? I want you, fuck I need you and you’re doing nothing but teasing me. I love you Phil.”
“Not like a brother, huh?” Phil asked his walls beginning to break down.
“No. Like a lover. I won’t push you either ok?”
“Yeah ok.” Phil skipped Dan’s lips and went straight for his neck again causing the brunet to moan loudly once more. Dan reached down and started undoing the buttons on Phil’s shirt as Phil explored the younger boy’s collarbone.
“Fuck Phil that feels good.” Dan panted as he pulled the shirt over Phil’s arms.
“It’ll bruise.” Phil grinned at Dan. “You’re mine ok? For right now you are mine and I want you to know it.” Dan was pushed down onto the mattress again as Phil attacked the other side of his collarbone. Dan’s brain was starting to fog and his senses become stronger. Everywhere Phil’s hands brushed felt almost uncomfortably hot. Their naked torsos brushed each other and Dan arched up into the contact causing Phil to rut down against him.
“Ah! Do that again!” Dan commanded and Phil ground his hips back down into Dan’s. Dan moaned and pushed up causing more friction. “Off.” Phil shot up as if he were electrocuted and looked at Dan guiltily. Dan chuckled and attacked Phil’s belt. “Your jeans you prat.” Dan pulled Phil’s skinny jeans down and Phil stepped out of them and his socks looking a bit self-conscious but Dan hardly noticed. He was too busy paying attention to the tent in Phil’s music note-covered boxer briefs.
“Holy hell.” Dan breathed transfixed. “You’re gigantic.” Phil squirmed and Dan reached out a hand to pet Phil through the fabric when he felt a small wet spot at the top of Phil’s erection.
“This isn’t fair!” Phil whined leaning down and tugging on Dan’s jeans. Dan got the message and wriggled out of his jeans without even unzipping them.
“Where’s my lion? You went from predator to prey in three seconds.” Dan pouted palming himself through his underwear. Phil’s eyes visibly darkened and he pulled the blankets up and pushed Dan between the sheets. Dan’s brain went into overdrive when Phil slid in next to him and placed a hand on his cheek kissing him passionately. I’m in a boy’s bed Dan thought to himselfI’m in my brother’s bed and he’s kissing me. And we’re naked. Oh god.Excitement spread throughout Dan and he pushed into the kiss.
“Right here.” Phil whispered rolling his hips into Dan’s. The lack of layers caused both boys to moan and move into each other more. “Oh.” Phil let out a small gasp and thrust harder against Dan. “God Dan.” Phil moaned and licked the shell of Dan’s ear. “Please let me touch you.” Dan wordlessly pulled his underwear down and Phil’s hand found its way to Dan’s already leaking member. “You’re so hard.” Phil shuddered.
“Phil I won’t last that long if we keep doing this.” Dan whispered somewhat embarrassed. Phil took his hand from Dan’s cock and grabbed Dan’s hand leading it to his own thinly clothed member and then guiding it into his boxer briefs moaning at the contact. Dan gasped and started stroking. Phil moaned and pushed up into his little brother’s fisted hand. Dan realized fully for the first time that he was with a man. Phil’s shoulders were broad, his muscles tense, his arms tangled above his head. He was legally an adult and this was illegal and wrong on so many levels.
“Fuck me.” Dan breathed. Phil opened his eyes and pulled Dan in for a kiss.
“You’re absolutely sure?” Phil asked his breathing labored. “There’s no going back on this. No redos. No second chances.”
“I know.” Dan said kissing his brother soundly. “And I want you to fuck me.”
“Dan I’m not going to fuck you.” Phil breathed as he stroked his brother absently. “I’ll make love to you though. That’s what you deserve.” Dan laughed.
“That’s so corny Phil.”
“Yeah I know.” Phil smiled his tongue caught between his teeth. He reached over Dan into the drawer on his bedside table. “And you’re sure you want to bottom? I really don’t want to hurt you.” Phil said retrieving the bottle of lubricant.
“Yeah. I want to feel you in every part of me.” Dan panted leaning up and stealing another kiss.
Phil kissed him slowly as he warmed up the lube in his fingers. He teased Dan’s entrance before slipping a finger inside the younger boy. Dan moaned and pushed back against Phil’s hand. Phil smiled into their kiss as he pumped his finger in and out of Dan. After a while he teased his second finger around Dan’s hole.
“This might hurt.” Phil whispered nibbling on Dan’s ear.
“Phil, it’s not like I’ve never fingered myself before.” Dan said matter-of-factly. Phil groaned and swiftly slid his second finger in.
“That’s so hot.” Phil panted. “Imagining you doing that… just one wall away from me.” Phil moved his fingers faster earning a moan from Dan. “I could have walked in on you at any time. I could have taken you like this, like I am now.” Phil’s fingers hit something inside of Dan and he let out a shriek. “Figures you’d be a screamer.” Phil muttered licking Dan’s neck and rubbing his fingers against that spot over and over again.
“Ph-Phil please” Dan shrieked. “I’m close already please please fuck me. Oh please Phil your cock will feel so good in me ah! I need this Phil please!” Phil smirked and removed his fingers.
“I guess you have been a good little brother, haven’t you?” Phil grabbed the bottle and began smoothing lube over his engorged member.
“Yes! Yes I have! I’ll do anything for you; you’re such a good big brother! Please please fuck me Phil please!” Dan pleaded all sense of propriety lost to the wind.
“As you wish.” Phil pushed the head of his cock against Dan’s entrance and both boys held their breath. Slowly Phil moved his hips until they met with Dan’s and he was fully sheathed inside his little brother. Moving slowly and carefully Phil built up a rhythm. Dan screwed his eyes shut in an odd mixture of pain and pleasure unlike he had ever felt before. So this is what sex is like He thought to himself. It was exactly like he thought it would be and at the same time not like he thought it would be at all. For one thing I didn’t think I’d lose it to Phil. As the pain began to fade away Dan opened his eyes Phil was hovering above him looking at him intensely. Sweat beaded on his forehead and his hair looked like he had been walking in the rain. The music had long since stopped playing and the only sound in the room was the sound of their panting and the bedsprings moving quietly underneath them. A few of the candles had gone out but Dan could see Phil smile in the near darkness. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s shoulders and kissed him gently. Phil moaned and snapped his hips up thrusting into Dan sharply. The younger boy let out a whorish moan.
“Phil.” Dan whimpered. “Phil, Phil, Phil oh god.” He panted.
“Yeah?” Phil whispered, concerned.
“Right-ah! Right there!” Dan gasped. “Fuck Phil I’m going to cum!”
“Good.” Phil rasped dragging out the word as he thrusted into Dan breaking his rhythm. Dan bit his hand trying to stop himself but Phil replaced his hand with his own lips and reached down to stroke Dan. Dan let out a greedy moan which was more like a howl and exploded over Phil’s hand, their chests and his own chin. Phil made a broken noise and shoved himself into Dan as deep as possible and Dan could feel his brother’s cock spasm inside of him and release. It was hot but oddly soothing. Phil collapsed on top of Dan panting. After a long moment of silence he pulled out and rolled off of Dan bringing the younger boy over to rest his head on Phil’s chest. Phil let out a small giggle and it was infectious.
“What even just happened?” Dan said between laughs.
“I’m not sure.” Phil giggled squeezing Dan closer
“You were so… in control.” Dan batted his eyelashes coyly. Phil attempted to hide his face in the pillows. “And now look at you! You’re worthless.” Dan said throwing his head back in a laugh.
“I am not.” Phil said indignantly lifting his head from the pillows.
“Oh yeah what are you good for then?” Dan teased poking at his brother.
“This.” Phil covered Dan’s lips with his own and they both sighed into the gentle kiss. When they broke apart Dan had tears in his eyes that were mirrored in Phil’s. “I love you.” Phil whispered.
“I love you too.” Dan croaked, his body had started to shake and Phil enveloped him in a hug.
“Those are happy tears right?” Phil said, worry showing in his features.
“Yeah.” Dan whipped one from his eye. “Emotional overload tears but I’m not upset so I suppose so.”
“Good.” Phil kissed him again. “I don’t ever want to see you cry.”
The date was February 14th 2013. Dan snuck up on his brother who was sitting on the couch in their flat in London. They had moved in together a few years ago, their parents hadn’t asked. Their parents had also never asked why they would sometimes find Phil in Dan’s bed or vice versa on mornings following that fateful Valentine’s Day. Most of their extended family just thought they were close, their subscribers had no idea they were related, helped by the fact that Phil had inherited his birth-father’s last name and never changed it. Only their friends Chris and Pj knew the truth and after about fourteen hours of extremely awkward silence around a shared dinner table Pj had taken a bite of food and he and Chris silently accepted it.
“Hey Bro.” Dan flung himself into Phil’s lap causing the black-haired boy to jump and let out a squeak.
“Why’d you have to scare me?” Phil protested. “You know I’m jumpy.” Dan ignored his brother and curled his arm around his shoulders.
“You know what today is?” Dan purred
“Valentine’s Day?” Phil asked
“You know what else today is?” Dan ran a finger along Phil’s jaw line brining him up for a quick kiss.
“Thursday?” Dan’s face dropped into his signature ‘I’m so tired of your bullshit, Phil’ face
“Do you know what today is an anniversary of?”
“That time I made you that video and then it accidentally got released and our whole fan base went up in flames?”
“Well yes.” Dan admitted. “That wasn’t the wisest thing, uploading it.”
“I wanted you to be able to see it when you wanted, not just on my computer.” Phil said sheepishly.
“That wasn’t what I was talking about though…” Dan pursued
“What were you talking about?” Phil looked innocently up at him.
“It’s our 6th anniversary you twat.” Dan deadpanned
“We’re brothers; wouldn’t our anniversary be your birthday?” Dan made to move off of Phil’s lap in disgust but Phil pulled him back down into a kiss. “I know it’s our anniversary you turnip. That’s why I made a reservation at your favorite restaurant which we should probably leave for soon.” Dan beamed at his brother.
“You remembered!” He shrieked giddily. “And don’t use turnip, it’s my word.”
“I can call you whatever I please. I was born first.” Phil teased as they got up off of the couch.
“Yeah well mom likes me best!” Dan teased.
“Wrong.” Phil stated as he slipped on his jacket. “I like you best.” And he leaned up to place a kiss on Dan’s lips