Chapter Text
The letter stared at Togame mockingly, and he returned its gaze with an equal measure of trepidation.
Words danced before his eyes, blurring and coming back into focus as he read them. So he reread them again and again, rubbing his eyes for extra measure. And yet,no matter how they morphed and shifted positions across the page, the words remained unchanged.
His hand shook, crumpling the parchment in his grip, his heart climbing up to his throat as he registered the trajectory his life was about to take now that he held this piece of paper in his hands.
‘Dear Togame Jo,
We would like to grant you our congratulations on your acceptance to Tokyo University. It would be our great pleasure to offer you a position at our Department of Education —’
Every time he reread the words, his eyes would glaze over after the first sentence, unable to read anything else. His knees shook, unable to carry his own weight. He collapsed to the floor, letter still clenched in his hands.
It was real, he got accepted into college. Not only that, he got accepted at the best university in Tokyo, one of the best in Japan at that. He’d applied on a whim, doubting that he would get accepted, not with his track record anyway. When he’d taken the bullet train to Tokyo a few months ago to sit for the entrance exam, he’d been so dizzy by all the crowds and tall buildings, stimuli from every direction beating down on him with all the blaring sounds and flashing lights. He’d never seen so many people congregated in one place, everything was so confusing, and the underground made absolutely no sense to him.
It had been a surreal experience. People there were colder than they were in the small town where he'd lived his entire life, nobody held doors for anyone and no smiles or casual words of greeting were exchanged at the konbini. But nobody had looked twice at Togame either, nor did they stare at him with fear like he was about to punch their faces in because they bumped shoulders on the street. In Tokyo, Togame was invisible, and he had reveled in that.
And he had done his part, he had made it to the university, and he’d sat for the entrance exam. It had been one of the hardest exams he’d taken in his life, but all the tutoring he did for Sakura seemed to help because all the material he’d taken throughout high school and middle school had been fresh in his memory and it also strengthened his basics so he could better tackle the more complex problems. He breathed in, breathed out, took his time with each question.
He’d put the exam out of his head after that, told himself it didn’t matter what happened, whether he failed or made it. With the biggest beast of his applications out of the way, it was easy to focus on work, on Sakura.
But here it was, the culmination of everything he’d worked for staring at him in the face, daring him to make a choice. He didn’t even know how he should feel. His stomach twisted into knots. Part of him felt pleased that he made it even without going to some fancy cram school, had made it without any outside help, all on his own merit. Someone at the university saw potential in him, thought that he was someone worth investing in. The other part, however, the larger part, was wrought with anxiety. It festered within him like a tumor, metastasizing, spreading to every inch of his body.
Logically, he knew everything would change now, whether he took the offer or not. If he went, he’d be leaving everyone he knew behind. His grandfather and the restaurant. His friends; Choji, Wanijima, and all the boys at Shishitoren who had become a second family to him. Sakura, the only boy he’d ever loved. On the other hand, if he stayed, he would always lament what could have been, wouldn’t he? Would he be consumed with regret and bitterness if he stayed?
The letter was a crumpled ball in his hands now. He could no longer make out the words unless he smoothed out the paper, but it didn’t matter. Even if he reread the letter a hundred more times, it wouldn’t change the decision that he’d made in his heart as soon as he read it the first time, the decision he’d made when Yamada-sensei took him aside all those months ago to tell him that he deserved more than a life filled with violence.
This whole time he’d been beating around a bush, but he always knew that he’d be leaving this place, one way or another. College acceptance or not. Come April, when he’d graduated, he wanted to leave this town for good. Maybe someday he would come back, because he wanted to do some good in this town if he could, but for now, he needed to leave. Even if Tokyo was huge and intimidating in ways he hadn’t fathomed, he wanted to experience the world outside of the lens of a gangster.
He just didn’t know what to do about Sakura.
The end of summer was always bittersweet for Togame.
Where he’d typically spend his summers working at one festival after the other, by the time the festivals started to dwindle, he’d be struck with the realization that summer was ending. The weather wouldn’t be as hot and sticky. People would be getting ready to go back to school again. It would be the end of the free days full of lazing around and enjoying the company of his friends, no responsibilities or fights, because even gangsters preferred to enjoy their summers instead of fighting.
This summer, however, the feeling was much more acute. He was struck with the realization that this would be the last summer vacation he spent before he graduated, the last summer he spent with all his friends and family. This summer was a turning point, the last days of August already slipping by faster than he could grasp them between his fingers.
He wished he’d worked less, had spent more time with everyone, but he needed to work all these extra shifts to save up for the exuberant rental prices in Tokyo. Who knew how things would pan out after he left? Would his friends still stay in touch or would they lose contact and become estranged? Would his grandfather remain healthy? Would he get too lonely in his absence? He worried about these things too much despite himself.
When Togame told Choji that he’d be leaving, Choji cried and cried, which took Togame off guard.
“I’m gonna miss you so much, Kame.”
“I’m sorry.”
He'd already apologized several times, but it was all he knew how to say. Choji’s back felt so small under his palm as he patted it awkwardly, knots twisting in the base of his stomach again. Apologies sounded so hollow when he still planned to leave anyway, when there was no comfort he could offer his best friend about his departure. They would graduate in April, and the fall semester started in September, so the goodbyes were still so far away, but it also felt right around the corner.
“Don’t say sorry, I get it. It’s mostly my fault that this place became so bad for you, so I should be the one saying sorry.”
“Choji, please don’t —”
“Just promise me that you’ll stay in touch? You won’t forget me when you leave and see all the super cool stuff in Tokyo?”
Togame gathered Choji into his arms then, hugging him tightly. He hated making Choji sad, making him insecure in any capacity. Choji was supposed to always be happy, always shining like a small star that was generous enough to share its light amongst them. Choji hugged him back, another sob wracking his small frame.
He had to keep telling himself that Choji would be fine without him, that he wouldn’t get too lonely because he already had so many friends and he made new friends easily. It would be fine even if he were a little further away than before.
“Of course I will. I could never forget about you, Choji, you’re my most important person.”
“Even more than Sakura?” Choji challenged him, glaring at him through his tears.
The question caught Togame off guard. He should have known that Choji was more astute than he looked, that he’d have picked up on his relationship with Sakura even without him saying anything. He should have also known that Choji was the kindest person he’d ever known, so of course, he’d never judge him for liking boys, for falling for a boy from a gang they used to be rivals with.
His heart softened, tightening his hold on Choji.
“It’s different, you know that. I love you both in different ways.”
Choji brightened, smiling at Togame widely as he punched Togame hard in his chest.
“Yeah, I know. I was just teasing. And you’ll still visit, right? And I can visit you in Tokyo?”
“Of course.” Togame intended on visiting often, and he had no intention of letting his friendship with Choji dwindle in his absence. “You’re my best friend, Choji. You always will be.”
That calmed down Choji significantly, but he’d clung to him even more, a wet laugh falling from his lips. A significant improvement from the sobbing earlier.
"You know what we should do?" Choji prompted, wiping his tears with the back of his hands. He didn't wait for Togame to ask before continuing. "We should invite the guys at Bofurin to your last festival. Isn't it in a few days?"
"Really?" Togame asked, bemused. "Why, though?"
"It'll be fun! And we should probably invite them 'cause they invited us over to their turf before!" Choji crossed his arms over his chest, nodding to himself. "Plus, wouldn't it be nice to spend the evening with Sakura-chan?"
Togame considered this. It would also be more date-like than the date he'd taken Sakura out on before, even if he'd insisted that he had enjoyed himself, nonetheless. He imagined showing Sakura the fireworks display, the two of them watching the sky explode into a tapestry of vibrant color, and thought it would be quite a nice experience to share with him, indeed. Dare he say, a romantic one even.
"I suppose it would be nice."
"Then it's settled!" Choji beamed at him, and Togame's heart tugged at how bloodshot his eyes were. "I'll tell Ume-chan, and you tell Sakura-chan. We're gonna make so many memories."
There was something deeply ironic about throwing a farewell party that only he was aware of, but maybe this was exactly the push Togame needed to tell Sakura everything he'd been hiding from him.
And so, Togame invited Sakura to the festival, telling himself that this was no big deal. It wasn’t even a date, not really, because they’d be surrounded by all their friends. This was just another hangout, like so many of their other hangouts that they’ve spent in each other’s company over the past months. He would finish his shift, and then he’d hang out with Sakura, watch the fireworks together. Essentially, it would be another date-not-date, which was more than fine with him. They still had a lot of time to go on proper dates in the future anyway.
At least that was the plan until Togame saw Sakura standing before his booth, a vision of beauty like no other, and his heart just about went into cardiac arrest right then and there.
Sakura was dressed in a fitted yukata, his hair styled carefully to show his forehead, a dust of pink coloring his cheeks as he watched Togame prepare a plate of yakisoba. The dark color complemented his pale skin so nicely, offering him a subtle glow in the colorful lighting of the festival, the style of his hair softening his features.
He looked so perfect, and that perfect boy was his. He couldn’t believe it.
Sakura’s eyes met his own, and his blush deepened, his words coming out in a stutter, and Suo shot a meaningful glance at Togame. A reminder of his words that Sakura blushed around people who were in love. Perhaps Suo had been another person who’d known about them since the start.
Togame sent Sakura a mental apology, chuckling bashfully at his struggle.
But as soon as Togame clocked off —his grandfather admittedly let him off early when he found out that Sakura was here— the night really took off from there. They enjoyed each other’s company, at a distance from all the crowds and the chatter high in the air, was even pleased when Sakura told him he’d finished 'Days at the Morisaki Bookshop'. He said that it was boring at parts, that the highlight for him was the relationship that the protagonist cultivated with her estranged uncle, but he overall liked it. Togame certainly preened a little at that, promised him more recommendations that were more tailored to his tastes, which Sakura groaned about but didn't outright refuse either, much to his delight. He even got to introduce Sakura to Wanijima, happy they got along well together, and Wanijima shot him a thumbs up that seemed to indicate his blessing over their relationship.
The highlight of the night was certainly when they watched the fireworks together, vibrant colors exploding in the sky, but he could barely pay attention to anything but Sakura. Prettier than any display of fireworks in the sky. He was thankful that it was dark, that nobody could see just how taken he was with Sakura, because he was sure it was quite the embarrassing display.
He also listened to Sakura as he professed his insecurities regarding what came next, about what happened after Umemiya left and how he had no idea how to be a leader like him.
It amused him somewhat that even someone like Sakura had his own insecurities, things he worried about that held him back, even when it was so obvious to him that he had nothing to worry about. Even if Sakura wasn’t the same type of charismatic leader that drew people in to follow him like Umemiya, he still inspired people. He inspired him to change for the better. He inspired Endo, too, saw a spark of raw intrigue rage in Endo’s eyes the night they fought. He inspired so many people at Bofurin, too, something so obvious in the fondness and protectiveness they all held for Sakura.
Just like how sakura blossoms bloom brightly in spring, a vibrant splash of color after a long, dreary winter, he drew that change out of people just by being himself.
Sakura would be a great leader, Togame thought. That would be another year or two from now, so he could only wish he'd be around to witness it.
“Choji, what’s wrong?” Togame heard Umemiya say from a bit ahead as they were leaving the festival. “Why are you crying?”
Togame’s heart plummeted, and every other guy from Shishitoren looked up, on high alert to see who hurt their boss and make them pay —
“I’m just so sad, Ume,” Choji sobbed, burying his face in his hands. “Kame is leaving and this is our last summer together, and it’s just now sinking in, and I don’t know what to do about it.” Choji sniffed, tried to wipe his face, but he only cried harder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin everyone’s good vibe. I’ll stop now.”
Togame’s heart lurched, his stomach heavy as if lead settled in its depths.
Everyone turned their heads, shifting from Choji, who was being comforted by Umemiya, to Togame. Curious, inquisitive looks, clearly wondering what Choji meant. Wanijima grimaced, averting his gaze from Togame. Sako and the younger boys all looked at him with curiosity that bordered on distrust on their faces.
Fuck.
He was afraid to look at Sakura. Maybe he hadn’t heard what Choji said.
“Come on, Choji, I told you I’d be here next summer, that I'll be coming back on weekends and vacations, too,” Togame said, his voice hushed so that everyone trying to eavesdrop couldn't pick up on his words. He patted Choji’s shoulder, but his words fell on deaf ears. Choji only cried harder. “Choji, please —”
“Why don’t you let me handle this?” Umemiya smiled at him, not unkindly. “I can talk to him, get him to calm down.”
Togame appreciated Umemiya’s kindness, knew that it was coming from a sincere place, but he respectfully doubted anyone knew how to handle Choji like he did. Umemiya didn’t know Choji as well as he did. And besides, Choji was hurting because of him, so he had to be the one to make it better.
“No, I should be the one to —”
“I think you have a more pressing issue that you need to handle,” Umemiya told him, his voice soft enough that only Togame would have been able to hear it. Togame followed his gaze, his heart cracking when he took in the pained expression on Sakura’s face. “Just go now, okay? Trust me.”
“Don’t worry, Kame, I got this,” Wanijima told him, smiling at him too. “Choji won’t be alone.”
Togame nodded. “We’ll talk about this later, okay, Choji?”
Choji sniffled through his sobs, and he wondered if he understood what he said, but he noted the barest hints of a nod, so he took that as an affirmative. He'd thought that everything was okay between them, that they'd discussed everything and that Choji had made his peace with Togame's decision, but apparently, he had lacked the foresight to properly deal with the situation. Guilt knotting in his chest, he got up, ignoring the heavy stares of all of Shishitoren and Bofurin as he approached Sakura.
Sakura stared at him as if he’d punched him in the face. No, his expression was even worse than that. If he’d punched Sakura in the face, he would have been enraged, but that wasn’t the expression he was making right now. Rather, his face was white as a sheet, eyes wide as tears welled in their depths, and his bottom lip wobbled.
It was an expression of pure betrayal and despair, and Togame hated himself for being the one to bring out such a visceral reaction in Sakura. This wasn’t how it was supposed to come out.
“Sakura, I can explain —” Togame reached for Sakura, but he dodged his touch, as if it was disgusting. He let his hand drop.
“Make it make sense,” Sakura whispered, clenching his fingers into the fabric of his yukata, seemingly uncaring of everyone staring at them. “Why is he crying like that? What is this about you leaving? What is he talking about?”
“Let’s talk about this somewhere else, yeah?” Togame tried to smile, but it felt so stiff on his face, he didn’t think he managed it. “Somewhere private.”
Sakura clenched his jaw, and for a moment, Togame worried that Sakura would try to fight him right here and now. Perhaps with his fists because Sakura wasn’t very good with his words. But instead, he turned around, and Togame followed, ignoring the lingering gazes of all their friends.
Togame wasn’t the type of guy who was prone to anxiety, prided himself on being someone who didn’t lose his calm, but for the first time, a tendril of fear coiled itself around his heart. He buried his face in his hands, trying to force himself to calm down. There was no use in regrets or anger, sadness or anxiety. All he could do was move forward and try to fix this.
He needed to be calm, choose his words wisely, or he would lose Sakura altogether.
Seeing as it was already late, they went back to Sakura’s place even though Togame’s place was closer. Sakura walked in the direction of his flat despite it being several kilometers away. In reality, Sakura probably chose to take the longer route despite his sandals digging into his feet painfully to allow some of his pure, unadulterated anger to slough off him. He trailed after him, a few feet behind, because he didn't want to risk Sakura lashing out if he walked by his side.
No words passed between them; the silence stretched and thickened until it became suffocating, like molasses swelling in his airways. Sakura didn’t speak a single word, and so, neither did Togame. Partially because he was still trying to think about what he wanted to say, but mostly because he didn’t want to test Sakura’s anger.
Togame doubted this strategy was working, however, could feel Sakura’s fury rolling off him in waves for the entire forty minutes it took them to get to his place.
He’d only been on the receiving end of Sakura’s anger once, when they fought all that time ago, and he knew he’d be able to handle Sakura in a fight. There was even a thrill to it, the kind of adrenaline rush that was only achieved through blows being exchanged and blood being shed. But this wasn’t about a fight with fists, no, this was a lot more complicated than that. They’d been strangers at the time, but now they were so much more. They didn’t carry a label for their relationship, but if Togame had to choose one, then it would certainly be that of lovers.
Togame couldn’t even blame Choji for letting the truth slip in such a disastrous way. It was entirely his fault for not telling Sakura sooner.
The silence was all but unbearable as Togame followed Sakura across the foyer to his flat, none of the typical banter or flirting they typically carried as he would let himself into his personal space to lighten the mood, only stony anger reverberating in the air. Sakura sat down on the floor by his futon, didn’t even spare a moment to change out of his yukata into something more comfortable, or to massage the blisters on his feet. He gestured to Togame silently to sit across from him, and so he did, trying not to feel like he was imposing by doing so.
“So?” Sakura crossed his arms over his chest. “Talk.”
A heavy sigh was pulled from Togame's chest, his shoulders slackening. For weeks, he had tried to imagine how this conversation would go, had even rehearsed it in front of the mirror. He'd gone through every scenario, through every good and terrible reaction, and rehearsed an answer to deal with each one. The entire way to Sakura’s flat, he’d tried to think of what he could say as damage control.
But now, as he sat in front of Sakura who stared at him with a mixture of anger and hurt, all the words faded from his mind.
“Choji was right, I’ll be leaving next September after I graduate in spring,” Togame finally said, reaching behind him to tug on his braid, only to find it wasn’t there. “I got into Tokyo U’s education program, and I’m gonna go. I was going to tell you eventually, Sakura, but it was hard to find the right timing, and I was also intimidated, so I procrastinated. That’s not an excuse, though. I’m sorry.”
“Tokyo,” Sakura repeated. “Isn’t that four hours away by train?”
Togame knew that Sakura wasn’t from this city, but he wondered if he was actually from Tokyo, considering he knew the exact length of the commute off the bat. He filed that question away for a later time.
“Yes.”
“Why?” Sakura asked, clenching his yukata with his fists so hard that his knuckles turned white. “You don’t have to go so far. There are universities here, Kiryu’s sister goes to a local one close by —”
“I’m sorry, Sakura, I know how much this town means to you.” Togame hated the way his voice shook as he spoke, but once the dam was broken, they tumbled out, unbidden. “I know that you found your place here, found friends, a family here. You like to fight, and you dream of climbing to the top. It gives you purpose to fight, but personally? I hate it.
“I hate being in this town. Fighting drains me. Being a gangster makes me hate myself, and every day we fight some rival gang for some stupid, inane reason, I fear that I’m slipping back into the old version of myself that I hate so much. Everywhere I go, there’s always a gang fight breaking out around the corner, and there’s so much senseless violence. Your worth boils down to how good a fighter you are, how hard you pack a punch, and I’m sick of that. I can’t do it anymore. I needed an out, and that out had to be somewhere far away from here so I could start over on a fresh page. I wanna become someone cool, someone who likes himself. You helped me take that first step, but this is also a journey I need to take for myself, and I don’t think I can do that here where the most I can ever be is some guy bussing tables in my Gramps’ restaurant.”
Togame felt breathless by the end of his monologue. He couldn't remember the last time he'd ever spoken this much in one go. It was disconcerting. It made him feel as if he was disarmed, the shield he always hid behind suddenly taken from him.
He also knew that he could have only opened himself up like this to Sakura, hoped that he could understand what he was trying to say here.
“I —why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” Sakura whispered, his face crumbling into something so painful. “I didn’t have any idea you were carrying such a heavy burden.”
Togame dared to extend his hand towards Sakura, but this time, he didn’t bat it away. Instead, he allowed him to cup his cheek with his calloused palm.
“It’s not your fault, Sakura, I’m the one who’s not very good at talking about heavy stuff. I never really had anyone willing to listen besides my Gramps,” Togame told him. It wasn’t even a jab at his friends, but he knew his limits with them, and he never wanted to pass them. “But I really am sorry about all this. I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
Sakura shook his head, opened his eyes to scrutinize Togame.
“B-but what about…y’know…me?” Sakura asked him, his voice so quiet that Togame almost thought he’d imagined it. “Was the reason you hadn’t told me yet ‘cause you — ‘cause that’s when you planned to end it?”
Togame cocked his head to the side, processing Sakura’s words slowly. In every scenario that he’d imagined for this conversation, he never fathomed Sakura positing such a question. It threw him for a loop.
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t be stupid. You know what I mean, like, you’ll be so far away and I’ll be here.” Sakura’s lips twisted. “All my life, I've been lookin' for somewhere to belong, somewhere I could fit in without bein' some pariah that everyone hated, and I think I found that here. All the things you said are true, but I really like it here all the same. I never even thought about what comes after I graduate or where I’ll be, but I know that I don’t ever wanna go back.” His eyes narrowed as he spoke the last part, and Togame once again wanted to make his parents pay for all the hurt they sowed onto Sakura's person. “So what does that mean if you wanna leave and I wanna stay?”
Togame cupped Sakura’s cheeks with both his hands, forcing him to look into his eyes, beseeching him to see the sincerity that he was trying to project to him.
“Sakura, you’ll have to forgive me for being selfish, for wanting my cake and eating it, too,” Togame said, pressing a kiss to Sakura’s forehead. “But I never once thought about a scenario that involved leaving you. Me going away for college, it’ll be hard, yes, but I don’t plan on ending anything. I’ll call you all the time till you get sick of me, I’ll come down to visit you at least twice a month, as many times as I can once I've settled down, and I’ll make it work. I’ll do it ‘cause you matter to me.”
Sakura’s eyes welled with tears, sparkling in the dim lighting of his room. He blinked rapidly as they fell, staining his cheeks, dampening Togame’s hands on their way down.
Deep down, Togame couldn’t help but marvel at how pretty Sakura looked as he cried, and kicked himself for having such a depraved thought.
“Fuck you,” Sakura whispered, but the words lacked any heat. “I hate you so much, I’m supposed to be mad at you for lyin' to me, and here you are sayin' all this mushy crap.”
“I’m sorry.” Togame kissed Sakura’s cheek, right under his eye, tasting the saltiness on his lips. “I mean all of it, though.”
“I know,” Sakura seethed. “That’s the worst part.”
“Do you also know that I love you?” Togame kissed Sakura’s other cheek, reveling in the shudder that rippled through Sakura’s body against his. “That I’d do anything for you if you asked, even stay.”
Much to Togame’s surprise, once the words were spoken aloud, he realized that it wasn’t an empty promise. If Sakura asked him to throw away his college admission letter, to stay by his side, he would. And happily at that. If the rest of his days looked anything like the past few months did, he didn't even think it would be too bad a compromise either.
There was very little that Sakura could ask for that Togame wouldn’t do for him.
Sakura made a garbled sound at that, choked and broken, trying to escape Togame’s clutches, but Togame refused to let him go. He shifted his hold on him from his face to the dip of his waist, wrapping his hands around him with enough strength that it would be difficult for Sakura to escape without really trying to. Sakura’s flush deepened, turning his face to the side, and it was all Togame could do to smatter kisses all over his overheating cheeks.
“Shut up, stop trying to fluster me,” Sakura complained. “You’re being unfair.”
“Am I?” Togame mused, kissing Sakura’s ear, dragging his teeth against the shell. “How so?”
“‘Cause I’m mad, and I’m also sad, and you keep on distractin’ me with all this,” Sakura replied, pushing his shoulder weakly. “Gonna miss you, Togame.”
Togame swallowed, his chest clenching around his heart that was suddenly too big in his chest. It was swelling to such an astronomical size, bleeding so many emotions he didn’t know what to do with. Perfect, sweet Sakura, so good for someone like him.
Togame kissed him on his lips, finally, tasting ramune and candy apples on his lips, so devastatingly sweet. He loved that he was the one to introduce Sakura to ramune, and now it was all he ever tasted on his lips whenever they kissed.
“Don’t be sad.” Togame kissed him again, harder this time. “I’m not going anywhere just yet. Not for another year anyway. I can even prove it to you, so you don’t have to miss me at all.”
Togame should probably stop here. He shouldn’t ruin this moment with his own depravity. He wanted their first time together to be special, wanted to make Sakura feel loved and pampered, worship his body all night long. He'd even been so good about avoiding anything too physical, cutting things off whenever it got too physical, much to Sakura's frustration. But he hadn't trusted himself around Sakura, didn't trust himself not to be too harsh or aggressive once things crossed a certain line.
But he couldn’t stop, couldn’t rein in his own greed to listen to his fraying logic or rationale.
Instead, he kept kissing Sakura harder, biting harshly on his bottom lip so he could suck on his tongue and taste that sweetness directly from the source. And Sakura, for his part, didn’t push him away either. He didn’t protest even as Togame’s hands tightened around his waist, his thumbs meeting at the center of his tiny waist, which drove him a little crazy, nor did he complain when Togame pinned him down against the futon.
Heated kisses were the norm between them because Togame was greedy, and he always wanted more. He’d lost count of how many times he peppered shallow kisses over Sakura’s throat and dragged his teeth against his fluttering pulse until it formed pretty violet flowers against alabaster skin. It wasn’t even the first time that he’d splayed his hands against Sakura’s bare skin, creating a blazing trail of heat that followed his every touch because Sakura was so sensitive.
But never before had Togame felt such a blazing inferno flare inside of him, the desire settling in the core of his stomach, shifting into an aching need he couldn’t ignore. His chest was too tight. It was hard to breathe unless he was sharing Sakura’s breathy moans that fell from his lips. His cock was throbbing in his pants, begging for relief.
Sakura being vulnerable shouldn’t have brought out such a carnal side of him, but he couldn’t help it.
“Sakura, if you want to end things here, you gotta tell me.” Togame brushed his nose against Sakura’s, breathing in his heightened floral scent now that he was sweaty. He groaned, slotting himself between Sakura’s pliant legs. “I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back otherwise.”
“Then don’t hold back, dumbass.” Sakura tugged his hair, frowning at him. “I told you before not to treat me like I’m a fragile little flower. I can take it.”
“Are you saying you’ll take it even if I fuck you till you cry?” Togame mused, prying the lapels of Sakura’s yukata apart. “‘Cause all I could think about since I saw you in this yukata tonight was how much I wanted to fuck you in it.”
And it was true. Togame was so weak for seeing Sakura in traditional Japanese clothes, and tonight, he looked like a doll. So pretty and cute that he wanted to ruin him.
Sakura gasped, a small sound that went straight to Togame’s cock.
“Words, Sakura,” Togame chided him, pinching Sakura’s nipple, eliciting a loud moan from him. “Or else I won’t know what you want.”
“Fine,” Sakura relented, hiding his flaming red face behind the palms of his hands. “Fuck me, do your worst, Togame, I fuckin' dare you to.”
Togame couldn’t help but chuckle at this, because of course, Sakura would try to dispel his own embarrassment by turning this into a challenge. He deftly took off his own shirt, the August heat wasn’t doing him any favors, and he was sweating bullets without the fan on. It wasn’t helping that his body was heating up from the inside, a flame that only grew and festered when he’d take in the mess he’d made of Sakura. Messy hair, swollen red lips, little bruises on his throat, his yukata pushed apart to expose his chest. All this and he had barely done anything yet, too, had only kissed him a little.
It wasn’t enough, though, he needed more.
“I can do that,” Togame said, leaning over to brush his lips against Sakura’s cute, pert little nipples. “You don’t need to ask twice.”
Sakura’s moans grew increasingly filthy as Togame sucked on his nipple, so unabashedly loud as he massaged his other nipple between his fingertips. He arched his back into the touch, seeking more as Togame grazed his teeth against his nipple, tugged on it with intent. Another broken moan at that, so finely attuned to Togame’s every touch. Ever the attentive lover that he was, Togame switched his attention to Sakura’s other nipple, laving it over with his tongue and sucking on it shallowly. Sakura bruised, his skin seemed to pigment starkly wherever his lips touched, and it made him want to touch Sakura all over. Sakura's cock was hard underneath him, twitching as it brushed against his stomach, so responsive to all his touches.
He hadn’t touched Sakura’s cock directly, only teased at it before pulling away again, but Togame wanted so very much to touch him there. Not only touch his cock, but taste him too, feel its weight resting heavy on his tongue. He also wanted to fuck him, feel how tight he would squeeze around his cock.
“Togame, please stop, I can’t—it’s too much.”
So he decided to indulge in those desires this time.
"I don't want you to call me 'Togame' now." Togame brushed a kiss to Sakura's fingers. "Call me by my name, Jo, and I'll call you Haruka in turn. Sounds perfectly romantic, doesn't it?"
"I can't, it's too embarrassing —"
"I'm sure you can if you put your mind to it." Togame wrapped his hand around Sakura's cock through the thin fabric of his underwear, palming it shallowly. "Can't you, Haruka?"
Using his first name seemed to be a hair-trigger connection to his cock, and Togame watched in delight as Sakura's hips all but jumped into his hand. His cock twitched again, and he noted how his dark underwear was now stained with pre-cum.
He had a feeling that he could make Sakura cum with little effort, but he wanted to savor this properly. Besides, he shouldn't bully him too much, even if his reactions drew out the meaner side of him he tried so hard to keep dormant.
"Just get on with it." Sakura glared at him, and when Togame's hand remained stationary on his cock, he bit down hard on his bottom lip. "Jo. Are you happy now?"
It was only one syllable, but with how nobody ever spoke his given name aloud besides his grandfather, the sound of it in Sakura's raspy, sweet voice went straight to his chest. It tightened, his heartstrings tugging in delight.
It also went straight to his cock, which throbbed in his pants, reminding him of how hard he was right now.
"Over the moon." Togame grinned. "Thank you, Haruka."
Togame went down further without removing his grasp over Sakura's cock, brushing his lips against the divots of Sakura’s abdomen, hardened by all the fights he partook in, stopping only to dip his tongue in his cute belly button. Every kiss had Sakura's cock responding in kind, and Togame massaged it lightly, too light to offer any real gratification or pleasure. Once he reached the belt of Sakura’s yukata, he bunched up the fabric covering his legs to expose his cock which was so hard in his black boxers, not wanting to take off the yukata altogether. Sakura whined, tried to close his legs to preserve his modesty, but Togame pried his legs apart forcefully.
“Don’t be so shy, Haruka, I want to see you. All of you.”
Perhaps he was being a little too self-indulgent about saying Sakura's name, but he loved the way tasted so delicious on his tongue, wanted to keep saying it again and again. He felt Sakura shared his sentiment judging by the way his whole body responded to the word; quivering and needy, his blush spreading down to his collarbones, his cock twitching in his shorts.
He hummed, brushing his nose against the wet spot forming in Sakura’s underwear, breathing in the salty scent of pre and sweat mixing together. He mouthed at the wet spot shallowly through his underwear, earning another guttural groan from Sakura. His hands found Togame’s hair, taking purchase in the wavy strands, weakly trying to push him away.
“Stop it, you shouldn’t be putting your mouth there,” Sakura whined. “I’m sweaty and it’s gross.”
“Why not?” Togame asked, mouthing at the length of Sakura’s cock through his underwear until he reached his balls. His hands, still gripping onto his thighs shifted upwards, teasing at the sides of his underwear, wanting to touch him directly where Sakura needs him. “I wanna taste every part of you, Haruka. Besides, let me flex how much I can actually take in my mouth.”
Sakura didn’t get a chance to argue before Togame was already removing his underwear with his teeth, revealing his cock. So hard, a deep shade of red, and it was dripping pre-cum down its length.
“You really do blush everywhere,” Togame mused, gliding his tongue against the shaft with one long stroke. “It’s cute.”
“Oh God, don’t say stuff like that.”
Togame dug his tongue in Sakura’s slit, tasting his pre directly from the source, savoring the saltiness of it. He wrapped his lips shallowly around the tip, squeezed Sakura’s thighs before he sunk down on Sakura’s cock, taking it all the way to his navel in one go.
And Sakura just about lost his mind at that.
He didn’t complain any longer, only let out a wanton moan as Togame took him to the hilt, his thighs clamping around his head while his hands tugged Togame’s head closer rather than further away. If he could smile, he would, because he knew that Sakura would enjoy this act of service, but as it was, he couldn’t. So instead, he pulled all the way back, before sinking back down on Sakura’s cock, making sure to let his tongue glide against the underside of Sakura’s cock on the way down.
Sakura wasn’t very big, so taking him wasn’t much of a struggle for Togame, but he certainly enjoyed the weight of his cock on his tongue. He loved the way Sakura lost himself to the pleasure, moaning so loudly without any care about neighbors that could overhear him, his hips moving mindlessly as he tried to fuck his mouth.
Sakura had melted into a singular node of pleasure, wrought out by Togame’s touch.
“Togame, Jo, please, I wanna cum, you gotta pull off —”
Togame hummed around Sakura’s cock, forced Sakura’s hips down against the futon so he could control the pace. He was relentless, taking Sakura as far as he could, until his nose was brushing against his navel and he could feel the tip of his cock pressing against the back of his throat, one hand that wasn’t preoccupied with pinning Sakura down played with Sakura’s balls. He massaged them, collected the spit that amassed there to brush the pad of his finger against Sakura’s hole.
Sakura let out a broken ‘Jo’ as he came deep down his throat, and that almost made Togame cum untouched, his name never having sounded so debauched before. And Sakura came so much, too, but he made sure to swallow every drop, only pulling off when Sakura started to whine and actively tug on his hair painfully.
Sakura tasted salty, he noted, made sure to lick his bottom lip so he didn't miss a single drop. He could certainly
“How was the baby’s first blowjob?” Togame couldn’t help but smile once he’d pulled off Sakura, witnessing how his chest heaved to gather air, tears welling in his eyes. “I take it that you liked it.”
“Fuck off,” Sakura groaned. “How d’you even know it’s my first time?”
Togame blinked. They’d never had this conversation before, where they talked about their history before each other. He figured it would be tactless to talk about his previous relationship with Wanijima when he was trying to date Sakura, and he truly didn’t care about Sakura’s history, whether it was related to dating or not.
He didn’t definitively know whether or not Sakura was a virgin, because he’d never asked and Sakura never offered that information, but he had a feeling he was. It was all rooted in the shy way Sakura conducted himself around Togame, always so flustered, so out of his own depth. He found it endearing.
He also liked the idea of being Sakura’s first; his first kiss, his first time, his first love. On the flip side, the concept of some other guy touching his pretty Sakura, touching him the way he was touching him now, made a terrifying sense of fury simmer under his skin. He squeezed Sakura’s thighs, hard enough to make them bruise.
“Call it my gut instinct,” Togame replied instead, pushing Sakura’s legs back to reveal his hole. “Don’t tell me I’m wrong, you’ll make me sad.”
“What the hell is wrong with you — fuck — you know I didn’t — hah.”
Togame licked a long stroke against Sakura’s hole, all the way to his perineum, and then wrapped his lips around his hole and sucked. Sakura froze underneath him, probably not expecting this, but with his legs pinned against his chest, he could only whine as Togame brushed his tongue against him again more insistently. This time, he prodded his tongue against his hole, letting the tip breach the tight ring of muscle there.
“This feels weird,” Sakura groaned, but still weakly thrusted his hips against Togame’s face. “Why d’you keep licking everywhere — hngh.”
Togame ignored Sakura, pushing his tongue in deeper, feeling his walls clamp around his tongue. Not one to back down from a challenge, he pushed in his finger alongside his tongue, then another one to properly scissor him open. His nose dug into Sakura’s taint as he tried to get in deeper, searching for the spot that he knew would get Sakura sobbing his name.
Surely enough, he knew he'd found it when Sakura stilled, an almost inhuman sound wrenched from his lips. Togame focused his fingers to that spot, pulling a cacophony of moans from Sakura that went straight to his cock, and it was all he could do not to mindlessly rut his cock, which was throbbing in his pants, against the mattress like a dog in heat.
“Togame, please pull off, I can't handle this —”
But Togame didn’t listen, too blinded by his own desire to consume to even chastise Sakura for lapsing into using his last name again, pushing in a third finger. His jaw ached, he could hardly breathe, and his wrist snapped at the awkward position. And yet he couldn’t stop, continuing to thrust his fingers and tongue at the same spot until Sakura's hole softened, until he started to spasm around his fingers. So tight and hot, he could only imagine how he'd feel around his cock. It would be heavenly, he was sure.
He needed to have Sakura like this always, so dependent on him for his pleasure.
Sakura’s back arched as he came a second time, this time untouched, which brought Togame back to the moment. Gingerly, he pulled his face and fingers out of Sakura’s hole, watching it gape a little in their absence.
Sakura was positively a mess now. The yukata was barely on anymore save for the belt that kept it loosely cinched around his waist. He was drooling, flushed a blotchy shade of maroon all over, tears streaming down his cheeks, monochrome hair plastered to his forehead. His stomach and yukata were a mess of cum and sweat. He looked debauched, an image of pure sin, and Togame wasn’t even done with him yet.
Togame felt the summer heat going straight to his head at the visual, or perhaps south, as he wiped his chin from the drool that had dripped down its length. He unzipped his pants, finally letting his cock out of his boxers, groaning as he held it in his hand and tugged on it languidly. He doubted he'd ever been this hard in his life, that he'd ever wanted anyone the way he wanted Sakura right now.
“Haruka,” Togame groaned, grabbing hold of his face, forcing his dazed eyes to meet his own. Another tear rolled down his cheek, and Togame wasn’t ashamed to admit his cock twitched at the visual. Sakura was such a pretty crier. “My pretty Haruka, you'll let me fuck you, right? You wanna feel good together, right?”
“Yeah.” Sakura nodded, throwing his arms around Togame's shoulders to bring him in close enough that their noses brushed against each other. “Make me yours, Jo.”
And who was Togame to refuse a request like that?
He brushed his lips against Sakura, forcing him to taste himself on his lips as he lined his cock with his hole, easing his tip inside as he started to finally fuck him. All the stretching out he did before was barely enough, because Sakura was still so maddeningly tight around him, was struggling to even push his cock inside. He pushed Sakura’s legs even further back, until his knees were touching his chest, folded in half to take his cock, and he didn’t even protest. His eyes rolled back as he took Togame further, inch by inch.
“Feel so full,” Sakura mumbled.
“Yeah?” Togame mused, snapping his hips until he’d bottomed out completely. Sakura’s eyes widened at that. “How about now?”
“I’m dying,” Sakura slurred. “Fuckkkk.”
“Don’t be dramatic.” Togame thrusted inside of Sakura shallowly at first, letting him adjust to his size, before thrusting harder and faster. “You’re fine.”
Sex with Sakura was dangerous, he realized. This was in part because it was so good that he could get addicted, but mainly because he could feel himself slipping into his old self. The person he turned into when he was fighting.
He clenched his jaw, forcing himself to keep his wits about himself.
“Fuck, you're driving me crazy,” Togame groaned, clenching his jaw so he didn’t immediately blow his load. “You're so sensitive to my every touch, so tight around me, so pretty and perfect.”
Sakura clenched around his cock, flushing even deeper at the praise. Togame always knew that Sakura was a sucker for praise.
Togame leaned his weight onto Sakura, shifting his knees atop his shoulders, as he fucked him properly. Slow thrusts at first, but then he started to pick up the pace. Typically, he would try to take this slowly, savor the moment. But he was feeling impatient. He'd wanted to be intimate with Sakura like this for so long now, his emotions were all running haywire, and he was feeling too good to keep himself in check.
Maybe he shouldn't leave, after all, because he couldn't imagine being able to live without being able to touch Sakura like this.
His cock dragged against Sakura’s walls as he fucked him, angling every thrust against that spot that made Sakura see stars. He watched with great interest as his cock bulged inside of Sakura’s stomach, a little bump forming every time he thrusted deep inside of him, Sakura’s cock leaking steadily the entire time.
“Wanna cum, Jo,” Sakura mumbled. “Please.”
“You wanna cum again?” Togame placed his hand atop Sakura’s stomach, right over the bulge that formed there, which made Sakura arch his back in surprise, clamping so tight around Togame that black spots formed behind his eyelids. “You keep on cumming, though, Haruka, like a leaky faucet and I haven't cum even once. Do you really like me that much?”
Togame truly expected Sakura to give him any response in the realm of ‘No’, ‘Stop being so embarrassing’, or even ‘Fuck you’. What he did not expect, however, was Sakura to nod, and say “Yes, I like you so much, so please let me cum.”
This was the first time Sakura ever verbalized liking him in any capacity, too, probably because he was too fucked out to realize what he'd just said. He squeezed Sakura’s hips, anchoring himself before he lost all control. How could Sakura be so perfect for him in every way?
“I love you, too, Haruka." Togame brushed a kiss to his forehead, which was now tacky with sweat. "But since you asked so nicely, I guess I gotta oblige.”
Togame proceeded to fuck Sakura, no longer holding himself back. He fucked him, swallowing his loud moans on his tongue, brushed his hands against his nipples to elicit even more pretty sounds out of him. And Sakura unraveled underneath him beautifully, a melted puddle of tears, whispering his name against his lips 'Game’, ‘Jo’, ‘Jo’ so desperately, carving his nails into the flesh on his back. He barely registered the pain, but he loved the idea of being marked by Sakura, of carrying evidence of his want for him on his body for days to come after this. It was all he could do to taste Sakura’s tears on his tongue, salty and sweet, just like him.
Sakura came again without any warning at that, untouched, clenching around Togame’s cock so hard that he swore he could see stars exploding behind his eyes, he followed not long after. It was too hard to hold back when he was already on edge, so desperate for the gratification he could only get from Sakura. He fucked him messily as he rode out his orgasm, cumming deep inside of him —oh fuck, he totally forgot about wearing a condom—kissing him softly as Sakura whined from the overstimulation.
When he pulled out, Togame watched the pearly white dollops of cum drip out of Sakura’s used hole, and his spent cock twitched again. He ignored it, knew that he couldn’t push his sweet Sakura any more tonight.
“Sorry ‘bout not using a condom, I totally blanked on that part.” Togame laughed sheepishly. “Don’t worry, I’ll help clean you out so your stomach doesn’t hurt.”
“You are most definitely not sorry, you did that shit on purpose.” Sakura’s voice was shaky, raspy as he laid down in a mess of his own cum and sweat. “But it’s whatever. I like feeling you inside me.”
Togame couldn’t believe that Sakura could see right through him like he was an open book like that, which made him feel a little bit embarrassed, but not too much so.
“Haruka, don’t say stuff that’ll rile me up.” Togame flicked Sakura’s nipple, watching his whole body tremble in sensitivity at the small touch. “I don’t wanna push you too hard.”
“Wish I could say I can totally take you on, but you’re a monster. I can only take you in a fight, apparently,” Sakura groaned. He cast a furtive glance towards Togame. “You’re gonna spend the night, right?”
Togame hadn’t even thought that far, but it was an easy enough reply. Of course, he had no intention on leaving right after their first time together, would never do something so sleazy to his Sakura. He nodded, brushing Sakura’s sweaty fringe aside to kiss his tacky forehead.
“Yeah, lemme just text Gramps so he doesn’t get worried.” Togame smiled, picking up Sakura’s body in a bridal position. “But first, let’s wash up, okay?”
“I can take care of myself!” Sakura yelled indignantly, pushing against Togame’s chest, but he only chuckled. “I’m not a kid!”
“I know you can take care of yourself, Haruka, but I still want to take care of you anyway. Won’t you let me?”
Sakura didn’t respond, at least not verbally, but the deep flush on his cheeks was telling enough. Togame knew that he’d won this round.
Sakura’s futon was quite small for two people, especially since he was on the larger side, but they made do somehow. They squeezed together in the small futon, both sharing the same pillow because Sakura didn’t have any spares. It wasn’t comfortable by any means, but Togame would be lying if he said he didn’t secretly revel in this sleeping arrangement, because he loved being able to hold Sakura so close.
This wasn't the first time he'd spent the night, but it was the first time he spent it after sharing such an intimate moment between them, all their secrets laid bare and sharing their bodies in the most carnal way possible.
Togame was somewhat fortunate for the August heat because Sakura’s clothes hardly fit him, so he had to lounge around in nothing but a pair of boxers that was entirely too tight on him while his own clothes dried on the laundry rack. However, the major drawback to this was that he had to hold Sakura’s smaller frame against his almost naked body in the summer heat, the fan barely offering any solace against the humidity and their shared body heat. It was a precarious position that filled Togame’s mind with all kinds of filthy scenarios he shouldn’t have been thinking about.
He’d also caught Sakura staring at him earlier with a hunger he’d never seen in his eyes before, though, which made him preen a little from the attention. Small blessings, he told himself.
Togame brushed a kiss against Sakura’s knuckles, surprised when he heard him suck in a deep breath. He wasn’t yet asleep.
“Can’t sleep?”
“Tryin' to,” Sakura mumbled. “But you keep on moving, so it’s hard.”
“My bad.” Togame laughed sheepishly. “I’m a bit of a restless sleeper, it doesn’t come easily to me.”
“Really?” Sakura glanced up at him, but it was difficult to decipher his expression in the dark, he hadn’t quite adjusted to it yet. “You don’t seem the type who struggles to sleep ‘cause he can’t stop thinkin'.”
“Overthinking is all I do.” Togame ran his fingers through Sakura’s hair, soft and silky after their bath together. He’d quite enjoyed getting to pamper Sakura again, lathering his hair with shampoo and conditioner, washing his body until it was squeaky clean. “I feel like I’m always worried about everything. Where I stand in the world. My Gramps’ health and what we’ll do about the restaurant when he can’t run it any longer. What I wanna do with my future. Whether or not Choji and Wanijima are doing okay.” He paused his long ramble, eyes drifting towards Sakura, hating the fact that he couldn’t quite see his face. “And I worry that I still don’t deserve to be the one by your side yet, that I messed everything up by keeping things secret, that I will ruin things beyond repair someday —that’s what really gets me, too, because I don’t know what I’d do without you anymore, Haruka.”
“Wow,” Sakura breathed. “And here I thought you had everything figured out.”
“See? I told you I’m a lot lamer than you think.” Togame laughed mirthlessly. “I’m just a guy who has no idea what he’s doing, faking it until he makes it.”
“Who cares about that? I’m always confused, always lost, and it makes me feel better that I’m not the only one.” Sakura wrapped his arm around Togame’s waist, further closing the distance between them despite the summer heat that cocooned them. “You listed off some pretty big stuff that I can’t fix with a few words, but you don’t gotta worry about me at the very least. You didn’t mess things up, we’re fine, and you gotta stop thinkin’ so much about useless stuff ‘cause I’m not going anywhere. As long as you don't freeze me out, don't forget to stay in touch, we'll make it work.”
Sometimes, Togame forgot that Sakura was immensely loyal, the type of guy who stuck up even for people who he hardly knew. He should have known that Sakura wouldn’t be the type to leave easily. He was also mature, too, maybe even more than Togame himself.
Togame’s heart swelled. He swallowed. Sakura was always so good at bringing him down from his own anxiety, turning big problems into small, manageable little nothings. Sakura was smaller than him, didn’t have as much life experience, but Togame knew he’d still be so lost without him.
“Thank you,” Togame whispered, squeezing Sakura tightly, hoping he can convey just how much he felt towards him in his embrace. “I shouldn’t have questioned you, I know you’re super loyal.”
Sakura didn’t reply for a few beats, and Togame thought he’d fallen asleep until Sakura squeezed Togame’s side again.
“It’s not about loyalty,” Sakura said softly.
“Then what is it about?”
“I care about you, too, asshole.” Sakura sat up, leaning over Togame so that he could peer into his face properly, squinting in the darkness. Togame’s breath hitched, noting the steady set in Sakura’s jaw in the moonlight. There was a certain confidence about him, reminding him of their first fight together, a stubborn determination radiating off him in waves. “You’re not lame, you didn’t mess things up, and I’m not just putting up with you ‘cause I’m so ‘loyal’ or 'nice' or whatever. I can’t believe you’re making me say it like this, but fine, I love you, too.”
A deep flush settled over Sakura’s cheeks, visible even in the darkness. He laid down again, turning his back to Togame this time. “Now go to sleep, that’s enough overthinking for one night.”
Togame’s heart raced, cherry blossoms erupting in full bloom in his chest, one after the other. He grabbed Sakura’s shoulder, forcing him to look at him.
“How am I supposed to sleep now when my heart is beating so fast?” Togame complained, bringing Sakura’s hand to his heart, a frenetic pace under his touch. “You need to take responsibility for being so smooth, Haruka.”
“Shut up! I want to sleep!”
Sakura tugged on his hand, but Togame wrapped his hand around it to keep it in place.
“Do you wanna go another time?”
“No!”
“Fine, let’s cuddle then.” Togame gathered Sakura against his chest again, and he pretended that he didn’t notice the way Sakura rested his head against his heart, listening to the irregular rhythm of his heart. “Sweet dreams, Haruka.”
“Goodnight.”
“Thank you for everything. I promise I’ll make things work out for us.”
“I believe you will.”
“I love you, Sakura.”
Sakura didn’t reply, and Togame smiled regardless, not expecting any response. It didn’t matter, though, because nothing could dampen the pure, utter happiness he felt in his chest. Sure, a part of him still worried, still fretted about things that he couldn’t control, but he had confidence that things would work out.
As long as he had Sakura by his side, everything would be fine.