Chapter Text
There was something missing. Billa lay staring up at the ceiling in befuddled drowsiness. It was late, or perhaps early if the faint blue light stretching the shadows across the ceiling was any indication. She woke up for a reason.
Billa snapped up into a sitting position. She stared out over the dark room to the crib. Her daughter wasn’t crying. Lord Elrond and Gandalf would take her daughter out for the first part of the night so she would have undisturbed sleep but they had always brought her back after her evening meal and playtime. Her daughter awoke around now wanting Billa.
Billa pushed carefully up onto her feet and walked slowly to the crib. It was possible that her daughter had decided to finally sleep through to morning but Billa doubted it. The hobbit stared helplessly down at the empty crib before grabbing a cane resting at the wall nearby and quickly shuffling from the room.
She could hear something near the courtyard. The hobbit quietly shuffled over to the entry, realizing that what she was hearing was someone singing. It was a familiar voice.
Tears filled her eyes at the sight before her. She had to grab onto the wall to keep upright as he legs nearly gave out. Thorin was quietly singing in khuzdul to their daughter. Billa watch mesmerized, fully certain she was dreaming. Thorin carefully rocked their daughter as he walked around the courtyard singing a strangely sweet melody for such a harsh language.
It wasn’t until the babe’s hand fell from the strands of hair she had been clinging to and Thorin fell silent that Billa realized that some of the other company members were relaxing on the other side of the courtyard. Bofur’s eyes met her’s before she could move from their sight. The smile he sent her made her wait instead of flee.
After everything she had done, why would Bofur seem so happy to see her? Billa forced down trembles as Bofur walked over to Thorin. This was just a dream. Balin, Dwalin and Ori had now spotted her. The looks of relief and joy they sent her made the repressed trembles come back with more force.
Bofur said something to Thorin. Her husband snapped over to her and stared with wide eyes. His usually control was missing as Billa watched many emotions flash across his face. Bofur took their daughter from Thorin before nudging the king.
Thorin walked slowly to Billa and stopped a few feet from her. They stared at each other, neither knowing if they were wanted by the other or where to begin, what to say.
Finally Thorin spoke, his voice cracking, “Billa….” He stared at her before dropping his head, “I’m sorry.” He looked back up at her with such open pain. “I have wronged you in ways I can never repay. I know you do not want anything to do with me and I understand that you no longer want this-this marriage. I don’t deserve you but please, please come live at Erebor.”
Desperation flowed into his voice and his blue eyes had taken on a gray appearance, “Don’t go away. Don’t take her from me.” Thorin stepped forward and reached out to Billa before forcefully dropping his hand. “Let me see you and watch her grow up from a distance. Don’t- don’t go back to the Shire.”
Billa slowly walked up to Thorin and hesitantly brushed her fingers over Thorin’s cheek. He didn’t disappear into fog. He was solid. He was really there. He had never stayed solid in her dreams. Her nightmares had him unwilling to even look at her. Her dreams had him coolly accept her back. Thorin had never been broken like now.
He press his cheek into her hand. Billa licked her dry lips and whispered, “Why wouldn’t I want you? Why would I not want this marriage?”
His choked out and Billa could feel his own repressed trembles, “Your braids and beads are gone.”
Billa’s eye grew wide. Her hands flew to her golden tangles. “Wha-!” Feeling no braids nor beads she looked worriedly up at Thorin, “I didn’t-They should still be there! The healers must have-” Lips were pressed against her’s before she could fully explain. Her eyes fluttered shut and her hands clutched at Thorin’s tunic.
This was a very good dream.
Thorin finally pulled away to press his brow against hers. They stared at each other for a long time, content to not say anything.
It was Lord Elrond who both broke the revere and slapped Billa out of her belief that this was a dream. He had never been in any of her dreams or nightmares. He had been the one to wake her from most.
That realization snapped Billa. She dropped her head against Thorin’s shoulder and broke down. They were here. They didn’t hate her. He didn’t hate her.
She would smack him later. She’ll give him a proper ear full for what he had made her go through but right now she just wanted to be held. She never wanted him to let go. Never again.
She was finally home.