Chapter Text
One of the hardest things about working in human resources was being someone who was a natural and incurably nosey gossip. It’s her job to protect the information about every member of the Boston Raiders and supervise the rest of the HR department. Sometimes it was agony to keep her mouth shut about things that came across her desk.
Ilya Rozanov had asked to speak to her to update some of his tax information. A completely normal thing for players to want to do, and then he had walked into her office with a kind of hesitance that was antithetical to everything that was Ilya Rozanov.
“Need to update these,” Ilya handed Sarah a post-it note with a neatly printed list. The first one, a change to next of kin and beneficiary on his life insurance and death at work coverage were pretty standard updates. That wasn’t a weird request at all. It was the next item on the list that threw Sarah for a loop.
Change of work visa to Canada.
What.
Sarah looked up at the boy in front of her with shock. (Because he was a boy. The team was filled with children as far as Sarah was concerned.) Ilya simply handed over some crumpled papers he retrieved from his pocket.
Photocopy of a marriage license. Canadian spousal citizenship authorization. A permanent address in Ottawa, Canada. A photocopy of Shane Hollander’s medical card and passport.
“You are giving up your Russian citizenship?” Was thankfully the first thing Sarah asked him because her real first questions would have been deeply unprofessional.
“Da,” Ilya answered with no further explanation. Sarah blinked at him a few times before shaking her head and getting to work.
“We are going to have to talk to the state department about this,” Sarah admitted with a tired sigh. Ilya pulled a business card out of his pocket for someone in the Canadian equivalent of immigration and state department with a tight mouthed wince.
It took hours. It would take weeks to sort out and in the meantime it was going to be an absolute nightmare to get Ilya across any border (although the fact that they mainly traveled to Canada could make this easier). Sarah was positive she could feel the tension headache from tomorrow already building behind her eyes.
Sarah was a consummate professional the entire time. She helped Ilya get everything changed over that could be changed at that point and got in contact with everyone else who would need to be notified. Some portion of management needed to be aware in case the team got held up during travel. She shook Ilya’s hand when he left her office to get to practice. Sarah actually managed 30 minutes before she opened her phone and pulled up her group chat.
Hot Goss🍵🍵
humanUnresources 3:11pm
I have the most insane news right now and I’m not allowed to tell you anything
Just know i am screaming internally
CursedBestie 3:12pm
Thanks this is gonna haunt me for days 😡
Feralonmain 3:12pm
I miss when all you had were weird college kids stories
humanUnresources 3:12pm
Me too fam
One of the things that Cliff Marleau had always liked about the Boston Raiders was the official unofficial system of bigs and littles. He’s not sure who started it, probably a previous captain who had been in a frat but every new player got an assigned vet to help them transition. Cliff had one of the older guys take him around, make sure he didn't miss team meetings, and take him to Dunkin, when he had first joined.
Back when Cliff joined the team they were utter crap. Now they were one of the best teams in the league and on their way to another season in the playoffs. All of this was thanks to their helluva captain.
Ilya Rozanov might be the captain that led them to a cup win and more playoff runs than they’ve had in maybe a decade but once upon a time he was Cliff’s little rookie. The old captain had told him the day after the draft that Roz would be his kid.
Cliff had taken his responsibility seriously. Everyone knew Rozy was coming to the team fresh out of juniors with only barely passable English and no other connections. Cliff had picked him up from the airport (a feat equivalent to expressing undying love for a Boston resident). They had gone together to Dunkin when Rozanov had been house hunting to show the listings to Cliff to rate. He’d been the one in charge of making sure Rozy made it to the plane the morning after the team went out partying.
The point was Cliff Marleau had spent years trying to do right by their Russian and right now he felt a little bit like a failure. He’d noticed that Rozy was having some odd meetings with the coaching staff before they flew to Toronto but figured it was just game prep or something. Honestly, none of the other guys probably would have been thinking anything about it but Cliff still considered their captain to be ‘his rook’.
Cliff was behind Rozy going through the immigration line so he was probably the only one that saw that Rozy didn’t pull out his Russian passport, get a quick stamp and move on with his day. Rozy pulled a folder out of his backpack and handed it over to the immigration officer with a small frown. And sure maybe they just were updating his work visa or something and Rozy needed different paperwork for a little while but Cliff knew what Canadian paperwork looked like cuz that fucking maple leaf was on everything.
Ilya Rozanov had just handed the immigration officer Canadian paperwork.
Cliff knew there was someone in Montreal but he had completely missed that it was this serious. The tight lipped bastard hadn’t told any of his guys that he was in the process of getting new citizenship. Cliff might be stupid but he knew the fastest way to swap countries was to marry someone.
Fuck they needed to throw his boy some kind of party.
Ilya Rozanov
if i die blame cliff
11:15 pm
Why?
11:16 pm
he is throwing deer party for me
11:16 pm
Do you mean a Stag Party?
11:16 pm
да
11:20 pm
You told him?
11:20 pm
no
11:23 pm
Then how does he know we got married?
11:23 pm
doesn’t know it you. just married. very proud
11:36 pm
So you told him you got married but not who to?
11:36 pm
no
11:54 pm
tell nothing.
11:54 pm
e saw pawps
11:54 pm
hol ps f tekila
11:54 pm
Ilya?
11:54pm
hi jane this Brad. we took Ilya phone cuz he needs
to finish his tequila shots before the next bar
12:08 am
How many shots has he done?
12:08 am
Like 8
12:14 am
That shouldn’t be that bad
12:14 am
At this bar
12:14 am
Oh
12:14 am
Hammersmith if he gets alcohol poisoning
I’m gonna have my second ever fight on the ice you hear me
12:30 am
wait
12:31 am
Jane why are you in Ilya’s phone as Husband💕💕
12:31 am
I’m not
12:31 am
[Screen shot of the chat]
12:37 am
Inside joke
12:37 am
Dont scroll up!
12:41 am
Waaaay too late for that
12:41 am
Fuck
12:41 am
does this mean we can’t check you anymore? Cuz
Rozy can be real intense about like shit
1:03 am
That’s your concern here?
1:03 am
Yeah man
Love is love
1:03 am
Thanks.
1:03 am
Also don’t tell anyone
1:24 am
Um
Don’t be mad
1:24 am
Unknown Number
Don’t name your first born after Scott Hunter!
1:48 am
I’m the real reason you got together!
1:48 am
Who is this?
1:148 am
Cliff
1:48 am
Also do you know how to get him to stop crying about your freckles?
2:56 am
No idea
2:56 am
Incoming FaceTime from Ilya Rozanov
2:58 am
~
HockeyGossip ✅ @pucktea 13h
Insider sources say Boston Raiders throwing a Bachelor party for Ilya Rozanov
rossi 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚@all4rossi 16h
Am i crazy or is that a Canadian spouse visa?
👩💻@pinkstape 15h
Girl why are you taking pictures at customs?
tumbr.com/PuckRaiders
Ilya Rozanov got married over the summer: Evidence
This one is a long one so I am going to put everything under the Read More line to keep the dash from getting bogged down. Also I know some people feel icky about speculation on this but the evidence is all public record or published on public social media pages.
Read More…
Mika (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧@ 1D4Life 4h
Is this what i think it is?????!!!!
[Image Description: screen shot from a canadian government website (url partially obscured) of a scanned marriage certificate. Ilya Rozanov’s name and birthdate are clearly legible. The other name is harder to discern. ]
TMZ✅ @tmz 2h
Breaking! Ilya Rozanov’s secret Canadian wedding but who is the bride?
Pop Base ✅ @popbase 1h
Which Canadian Pop Princess is married to Russian hockey player Ilya Rozanov
Scottydoesntknow @congee4lunch 1h
@popbase ariana what are you doing here?
belle 🌷@defendhollander 1h
Whoever she is that’s the worst handwriting ive ever seen
ilya bizanov @R0ZAN0VS 1h
I’m telling you that’s peak boy writing
Ana 🐦⬛@shanesfreckles 1h
Am i crazy is the first letter and S or a J? I dont think this is cursive but cursive’s cursed step sibling.
Aceslow @aceslow_tweets 1h
If this turns out to be Sh*ne H*llander all you bitches owe me MONEY!
About 48 hours after Shane had married Ilya in the courthouse in his boat shoes he’d had the realization that no one in that room had signed an NDA. He’d had a brief moment of terror before realizing it was actually really hard to search up marriage certificates and he was like 90% the judge and clerk had no idea who Shane or Ilya were and weren’t likely to leak it to the press.
A week later Shane had allowed his mom and agent Farah to make him and Ilya approve multiple types of statements for future release should their marriage get out. There was a statement for them coming out on their own, as well as about nine other possibilities they needed to ‘be prepared for’. They had drawn up emails to all of Shane’s brands and two blank statements for Ilya to use with any brands he might add. (Shane had gotten the feeling Ilya would be allowed a grace period of his last year in Boston and then Yuna Hollander would make Ilya maximize his brand deals so they had enough money for a joint memorial rink or something.)
There had been a statement written up in case someone came forward in the press to claim they were having Ilya’s baby. Nearly every possible scenario had been planned for, except the one they were actually facing.
“I’m honestly shocked I didn’t think of this,” his mom had complained on their daily morning call. “I had no idea your handwriting was that bad.”
“Mom, please,” Shane sighed.
The whole world knew.
The whole world knew half of it. And were speculating on the other half.
They were getting it wrong. So very very wrong.
Hours later Shane was sitting in his apartment staring at his phone like it was a grenade. Everyone had told him to stay off social media. He knew it was the right thing to do.
One look wouldn't hurt. Right?
Shane snatched his phone off the counter fast enough to rival a goalie catching a puck. He would be fast. Just one look. He opened twitter because that seemed to be where people talked about things. Shane was pretty sure Instagram was just for posting pictures.
The first few tweets are just people crying about never getting the chance to taste Ilya Rozanov’s sweat. (EW. But also like yeah, it sucks for them. Ilya tastes great.) Or Boston fans crying about what this means for the team. Okay this isn’t that bad.
Kim @scooterbraunf4n
I don't know people are even talking about it being anyone else other than Shay Mitchell. Multiple insider sources have come forward to say that’s who it is. All the time lines match up! Ilya is even wearing the same ring she wore in her Vanity Fair article. Some people on the internet are just not ready to accept the truth.
ez (he/him) @paruallegations
@scooterbraunf4n blind items dont count as proof and that was the ring Cartier gave to basically everyone last year. Pretty sure Shane Hollander has one. Spreading lies like this probably hurts whoever Ilya is actually married to
Kim @scooterbraunf4n
@paruallegations STOP BEING WILFULLY BLIND. stop with this “whoever Ilya is actually married to” say wife! hockey rpf people always want your faves to be gay. Grow up! just cuz scott hunter came out as gay on national tv doesnt mean every hockey player is gay. especially dont slander ilya rozanov with your sick ideas he's fucking russian
Aceslow @aceslow_tweets
@scooterbraunf4n wow its like you think queer people only exist in north america big yikes really giving homophobic
Kim @scooterbraunf4n
@aceslow_tweets i’m not homophobic i just dont agree with people being gay, its my choice, it doesnt make me a hater. I’m trying to protect Ilya from allegations that could get him MURDERED like please just be happy for him and his wife
Shane doesn't exactly remember opening the reply box and typing out his response. One second he is reading this USERNAME make up absolutely bullshit about Ilya and the next he’s hit post.
He has one second to be like “oh fuck” before the person replies to him.
Kim @scooterbraunf4n
@ ShaneHollander24_ you Rozander people need to come back to reality. Ilya Rozanov is never going to fuck u or ur boring self insert player
Shane shouldn't reply. The smart thing to do would be to drop it. He already fucked up by replying to this USERNAME1 person.
ShaneHollander @ ShaneHollander24_
@scooterbraunf4n Address me by name Rookie of the year winner, silver olympic medalist, highest scorer in the MHL and Ilya Rozanov’s fucking husband Shane Hollander
Image description: Shane Hollander holding the now famous marriage certificate with Ilya Rozanov’s name clearly in frame along with the name no one could read also visible in his mouth. His left hand is visible with only his ring finger up where the Cartier ring can also be seen.
To say that the world is shocked by the method and photo that Shane Hollander chooses to come out would be an understatement. Ilya was perhaps the only person alive, including Shane's parents, who weren’t at all shocked.
Ilya isn't shocked at all. He’s incredibly proud (and so hard he feels dizzy). He takes a screenshot of the tweet and marches down to the walgreens around the corner to get it printed the size of a poster. Ilya is going to wake up every single day looking at the picture of his husband going absolutely feral on the internet about him.
mads 🏴☠️@hackingbutlegal
I did not have Shane Hollander comes out via twitter on my 2018 bingo card 🤩
normal guy saying normal things @ya0izzz
Who knew shane hollander was a secret freak?
ILYA ✅@ill_yeah
@ya0izzz I did
hockey butt researcher @rznvlore
Can we talk about how he is gripping that paper in his fucking teeth? Ilya you better know how to fight
ILYA ✅@ill_yeah
@rznvlore i will see you behind the dunkin at 2 am espn.com/videos/ilya_rozanov_fight_compilation
ESPN ✅ @espn_news
BREAKING! Shane Hollander’s tweet to a fan seemingly confirms marriage to long time rival Ilya Rozanov
TMZ ✅@tmz
Shane Hollander’s public coming out
ILYA ✅@ill_yeah
Die mad about it
Kim @scooterbraunf4n
@ ShaneHollander24_ you Rozander people need to come back to reality. Ilya Rozanov is never going to fuck u or ur boring self insert player
BuzzFeed ✅@buzzfeed
Which of Ilya Rozanov’s tweets are you? Quiz
Husband💕💕
What are you doing?
defending my man
Stop fighting people on twitter
is not my fault people are stupid and u are very pretty
Ilya
are u hard right now?
be honest
Incoming FaceTime from Husband💕💕
CLIFFMARLAEU✅@marlylovesme 3h
Remember to name your first born after me cap
ILYA✅@ill_yeah 3h
@marlylovesme i never agree to this
BRADHAMMERSMITH ✅@itshammersmithtime 3h
@ill_yeah i think Brad Hollander has a nice ring to it
SC @insidiousintent 3h
@itshammersmithtime you think their kids will have Hollanders name??? Please be so serious
CLIFFMARLAEU ✅@marlylovesme 3h
@insidiousintent i know a whipped man when i see it
ShaneHollander24_ ✅@ ShaneHollander24_ 1h
@itshammersmithtime no thank you
GRITTY ✅ @grittymhl 1h
Hollanov will have beautiful babies together
Lily @rozanov81 1h
@grittymhl two men can’t have a biological baby. Do you know that? It’s important to me that you know that
BRADHAMMERSMITH ✅@itshammersmithtime 1h
@grittymhl when hollander puts a baby in cap we have first dibs on drafting
Rose Landry ✅ @rosesarered 2h
I think Ilya Hollander has a really nice ring to it
ILYA✅@ill_yeah 1h
@rosesarered i will take back curse i put on your bloodlineShaneHollander24_ ✅@ ShaneHollander24_ 1h
@rosesarered @ill_yeah he’s jokingILYA✅@ill_yeah 1h
@rosesarered @ ShaneHollander24_ i never joke about curse
Hazy ✅@wyatthayes 1h
Wikipedia what’s happening?
Screenshot of wikipedia pages for Ilya Hollander and Shane Rozanov
BRADHAMMERSMITH ✅@itshammersmithtime 1h
@wyatthayes shhhhh don’t narc me man
Scott Hunter doesn't hate anyone on principle. Except racists and homophobes and antivaxxers. Sadly Ilya Rozanov is none of those things, he’s just an old fashioned asshole who takes what appears to be pure delight in chirping Scott.
Scott had gotten through the entire awards gala without Rozanov materializing next to him suddenly filled with devious glee and a thesaurus worthy of ways to call Scott old. He should have realized his luck could only hold out so long because Scott didn't even get the chance to order a drink at the bar before the Russian was standing next to him with glittering eyes.
Here we go.
“Does award help?” Rozanov asks Scott with a smirk.
“Help what?” Scott knew he shouldn’t but he walked into every time.
“Soothe the pain of disappointing your boyfriend,” Rozanov clicked his tongue. “You are too old for marriage it seems.”
“Kip isn’t disappointed in our relationship,” If anything Kip had been rather pleased they weren't going to be the first gay hockey wedding. Granted they probably still would be since apparently Rozanov and Hollander had just run to a courthouse in the middle of nowhere with only Hollander’s parents and the judge present. Scott was getting the impression that when he got married about half of the gay community of Brooklyn and NYC was expecting an invite.
“Ah so he enjoys being with slowest man in league to propose,” Rozanov sniffs like he doesn't believe it. “You are waiting for retirement to get married, yes? Will be easier to beat Admirals next season now that you retire.”
“I’m not retiring,” Scott tried to remember that Ilya had recently been outed against his will (well kind of) and that the guy was probably dealing with a lot of feelings about that. “And we aren’t getting married just yet. That would be rather fast.” Rozanov made a grimace face at Scott’s second comment like he had smelled something bad.
“Is something wrong with your dick?” Rozanov asked with visible pity in his voice.
“No! What the fuck,” Scott snapped. What was it about this kid?
“Then why you make very hot man wait more than one year to get married? Is very stupid,” Rozanov tsked at Scott. He needed to leave before he punched one of the only other out players in the league.
Suddenly Shane Hollander barreled into Rozanov with a look on his face that was pure chastising.
“I’m sorry Mr. Hunter, he has a condition, he can’t help it,” Hollander apologized for his husband with the same wide honest eyes Scott remembered from the first time he’d met Hollander as a rookie.
“Da, is called being best hockey player and very funny,” Rozanov added with a smirk. Scott really couldn’t hold back the eye roll this time.
“You should take it as a compliment,” Hollander told him as he pulled his husband out of the chair next to Scott and started to push the other man away.
“I don’t know about that,” Scott didn’t think there was a way to take being called old and impotent as a compliment. Rozanov winked at him.
“Ilya’s only like this because he thinks your hot and talented,” Shane Hollander said like that wasnt a fucking bomb to drop. Rozanov opened his mouth, clearly outraged and ready to argue, but Hollander had him in a grip and was frog marching them both away from Scott. Loud rapid Russian trailing behind them as Rozanov switched to his native tongue to argue with his husband. Hollander just kept walking and nodding at random points.
“What the actual fuck?” Scott asks no one in particular.