Chapter Text
Since you work in the FBI, you learned, saw, and experienced a lot. BAU is an interesting place to work, but you’re always afraid to do something wrong when you speak to a profiler. That’s why you’re glad to work mainly for JJ. She is nice and organised. Penelope is also one of your closest colleagues. The next day she knew you were a Doctor Who fan, your desk was full of blue pens, blue notebooks, blue erasers... It’s simple: everything was blue. Even Spencer was jealous enough to steal some of them.
You usually like spending time with both of them in the coffee corner, but this morning is different. This morning is an interrogation.
“Are you sure? It looks like dates for me,” JJ says with a smile as she pours herself some coffee.
“Not they’re not,” you sigh, waiting for your turn for a coffee. “Spending time with a man is not always a date.”
“Spending time alone with a man out of the office is a date, love,” Penelope starts, sipping her coffee, her eyes staring at you behind her pink glasses. “And you weren't even outside. You were at his place!”
“Oh!” JJ can only say, trying to catch up all the news about you and Spencer, before you speak again.
“We just watch TV and order food. And as most of the time I fall asleep on his couch, we have breakfast together. That's all! It’s more a pyjama party than a date.”
You don’t notice JJ and Penelope’s surprised eyes as you eventually pour yourself a coffee. It's so obvious to them what's going on between you and Spencer that they don't even know where to start. And yet, they're the only non-profilers on the team!
“I don’t even know why we are talking about that. It’s not the first Friday I’ve spent at his place,” you say, shrugging.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Penelope hurries to say, grabbing your arms gently just before you leave. “How many times have you stayed at his place?”
“I don’t know,” you start, searching for a way to escape this conversation. “I honestly don’t know. Anyway, if you won’t let me go to work, you have to explain it to my boss.”
Although JJ terribly wants to continue this conversation, there is a lot of work to be done and she needs you. A single glance at Penelope makes her realise that she has to let you go. With a sad pout and a “I'm not done with you yet!”, she lets you go and leaves before you even do.
As JJ and you’re about to leave the corner, Spencer enters, as if he was waiting for you to leave. Honestly, it wouldn’t be a surprise since your last conversation. He walks next to you, smiling awkwardly without a word. You do the same while JJ looks at both of you. No need to be a profiler to know you both seem not to be on good terms since last week-end…
.
Last Friday evening, like practically every Friday evening, you were at Spencer’s place. It had become a habit since the first evening you spent with him when you lost your pet. With a long series like Doctor Who, you always have something to watch, and with a man like Spencer Reid, you always have something to discuss.
Except that last Friday didn't go as you planned. Well, you watched TV with Chinese food until you fell asleep as usual. Yet, the morning was different.
“Next time, I should make breakfast for you,” you laughed as you ate a pancake he made while you were in the shower. “I rarely cook in the morning, but I can't make an exception for you.”
Learning almost every day from your face’s expressions to better understand when you are being sincere or when you are joking, Spencer easily understands you were sincere in your last sentence, and he was really happy to hear it.
“Oh! I’d be happy to taste your cooking. What would you cook?” he asked after he almost said “I thought you'd never ask” but didn't dare to say it.
“I don't know. I usually eat anything I find in my kitchen,” you replied. “. I have to think about it”
Since you took your shower, you avoided his eyes. It’s a shame because he was close to you and you could enjoy his beautiful eyes easily. Spencer noticed it, the avoidance not his beautiful eyes obviously, but he didn't want to force you to say something you don't want to say. So he waited.
As you were eating your third pancake, you slowly put down your fork and knife. Inhale. Exhale. It shouldn't be that complicated to talk with him! This man makes you so nervous! The way he explains anything and everything makes you silently listen to him. The way he puts his hair behind his ear makes you stop everything you were doing. The way he smiles when he looks at you from his desk makes you forget what you were working on. And the way he looked at you now made you so shy that you almost forgot what you had planned to ask him for days.
“Hm, Spencer, if you're free next Saturday, and I hope no case, do you want to come with me to an animal shelter to adopt a new pet? There's no obligation! It's just that, um, I thought you might want to come with me,” you eventually said, almost breathless by the quickness of your words.
“Already?” he asked, confused.
The word escaped his mouth faster than he thought, and he regretted it immediately. He was surprised. He thought you would wait a little longer. He was sure you would eventually adopt a new pet. You can’t live without them. But deep in his heart, he hoped you would rather spend time with him a little longer than adopting a new pet. As soon as you’d have a new pet, he was sure you’d stop spending Friday evening with him. Before losing your pet you were always in a hurry to come home just for them…
The only word that Spencer said was echoing in your head. Among all the people you knew, you thought he was the one who would understand you. But it seemed that he wasn't.
After a little throat clearing, you stood up, and Spencer did the same by reflex, shaking his hands in panic.
“I didn’t mean! I-I-” he could only say.
“It’s ok. I understand. I know it’s quick, but, hm. You know what, forget it. I, hm, I need to go home,” you cut him off, not even finding a good excuse to leave.
Spencer tried to speak to you, but you left too fast. Your bag was already done and you knew his place very well so after a quick “Thank you for the evening and breakfast,” you left without looking at him.
.
Since that morning, you don’t dare to speak or text him ; he doesn't seem to want to do it either. So you work like you used to before being his friend. It’s weird. It’s childish. It’s hard. It’s painful… At least, since you went to the shelter you’re not alone when you go home. You're busy enough not to think about him until you see him again the next day at work.
Of course, the profilers’ team, well the entire floor, understood something was wrong between you two, but only Penelope and JJ try to help you, despite telling them you don’t need it. It’s just a simple quarrel, right?
Yet, a few weeks have passed since that famous morning without speaking with Reid except for work, and one sunny morning, as you're thinking about getting a coffee and putting your bag down on your desk, you sense that the atmosphere on the floor is completely different from usual. Well, you already felt it from the moment you stepped into the building, but here people who are strangers to this floor, and even to this institution, are gathered here and there. You have no idea what's going on, so you sit down and wait for your computer to boot up so you can check your email.
Obviously, JJ has already sent you a large number of form requests. You don’t ask for an explanation, you immediately do your job. JJ is not the only one who sends you requests. Honestly, you've never had so much.
After a moment, Hotch stands up in front of his office and informs all the staff on the floor of the situation : Anthrax and the inability to communicate with the outside world about it.
Alone at your desk, you feel distraught. No need to search for Reid, you know he is already out. Immediately, you receive a message from Penelope trying to reassure you, confirming you that the team is on the case. You look at JJ, who is already on the verge of breaking down and calling Will and Henry.
The day continues, form requests from everyone comes to your mailbox. Lunch is served to every desk so you don’t lose time or be tempted to speak to anyone outside. After going to get another coffee, not knowing how many you've had today, you sit down in your chair, sighing discreetly. Then, you notice a new phone message. You need to read it three times to be sure of what you see.
Spencer: “Everything will be fine. Don’t worry, we’ll catch him. No matter what anyone tells you, stay safe in the building.”
You stupidly look at your phone for so long that a dozen requests are already waiting for you. You stupidly don’t know what to answer. At some point you notice that the message is one hour old. You feel even more stupid…
Once all the form requests are done, you decide it’s time to take a break. Knowing you’re not allowed to go to Penelope cave when she is working on a case, you usually let her alone. But today is different. You’re a part of the case as everyone is. So you take your cold coffee and go to join her.
The sweet smell of Penelope cave always comforts you. A mix of perfume, cakes and candies. Her door is always closed, but this time it’s ajar. You knock on it discreetly anyway, but she seems so focused on her job that she didn’t hear you. It’s only when you put a coffee mug you have brought for her, that she turns toward you.
Penelope is a very sensitive woman, yes, but you rarely saw her like that. Her cheeks are so wet that you don’t even know what to do.
“What happened? Do you need something?” you quickly ask as you sit on a chair next to her.
“Y-you don’t know? Oh no. I'm the one who has to tell you?” she panics, looking between her screen and you several times. “Reid is. I-I mean. Oh my god! Morgan is with him but- Oh my god!”
“Breathe slowly, Penelope. Breathe slowly. What happened?” you try to calm her while your eyes are already stinging.
Then, Morgan calls her, asking for research, then Hotch. When you joined her, she closed the door and put all sound on speaker, leaving only her micro with her.
It’s only after the two calls that she explains Reid’s situation to you. You’re glad you’re sitting already. Penelope gives you time to think and accept the news while she does the researches they have asked for.
At some point, Penelope's researches are done and she can breathe. She easily guesses why you’re staying with her, and she tries to comfort you as much as she can.
Since you found out about Reid, you've replied to him but he didn’t text you back. That's not surprising given the situation. You don't blame him, of course, he clearly has other things to do than reply to you.
It's hard to keep track of time in her office, so after a while, you decide to go to the bathroom and bring back coffee and cakes for both of you. You are very well aware of the mountain of requests waiting for you at your desk, but right now you don't care.
When you come back, the door is still ajar like you left it. It’s easier with two coffee mugs. Focused on holding the mugs carefully, you realise Reid is speaking only when you put them on Penelope's desk. You missed hearing him…
“And Mom, I know you know it but I love you. Hm, I don’t really know how to end this message, but I’m sure you understand what I meant.”
Penelope is crying so much that she can barely speak. It gets worse when she sees you sitting back next to her. It takes you time to understand his words and what they mean.
“Penelope?” Reid asks, breathless. “Are you still here?”
“Y-yeah. I promise to send it to your mom if–” she tries to say. “D-Do you need anything else Reid?”
“Yes. Hm, another message, please. For Y/N,” he requests shyly. “Send her only if I’m, hm, not here anymore. Ok? Like my mom.”
“Ok… It's recording,” she affirms, looking at you, her cheeks impossibly wet.
“Hi, Y/N. Hm, if you have this message, I guess I’m not here anymore. First, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry about that morning. I-I panicked and my answer was the worst. I was surprised, but the truth is I was–I’m jealous of your pet. It’s childish, stupid, and selfish, I know. I just wanted to spend every Friday evening with you. Hm, not only Friday if you want to tell the truth. Oh I’m so stupid, I should have told you everything from the start and I’m here, suffocating…”
He coughs several times, trying to catch his breath. After a clearing throat, he continues more calmly.
“What I wanted to say is that I love you. I truly love you… I loved every time we spent together, and I wish I’d have some more… I– Oh sorry, Morgan calls me. We can stop here Penelope. Thank you very much for that.”
Reid took his time speaking, coughing a few times before cutting the message short. Whether it's you or Penelope, you're both speechless after what you've just heard. Under other circumstances, you would have laughed and jumped for joy, but now you can barely breathe.
Penelope tries to speak but anything she could say would comfort you. You need to get out of her office, but you still can’t go out, so you only walk to your desk. Penelope lets you go and JJ looks at you from the meeting room, understanding you know about Reid now.
It’s not the time or the place to break down so, as if nothing happened, you sit on your chair and open your mailbox. At least, now you have something to take your mind off Reid…
.
Minutes feel like hours, and hours like days. When the unsub is caught, it’s easy to guess. Everyone is smiling, celebrating, or calling their family.
You already called a friend earlier, telling her you have too much work to do and you don’t know when you’d go home. And of course, you tried to call Reid, but he didn’t answer. Understandable, but still worrying.
A light hand on your shoulder made you jump while you were finishing your last request. JJ is smiling at you, her bag on her shoulder, ready to go home.
“He is fine. Morgan has just told us he will make it. He is waiting for him to wake up at the hospital,” she explains, taking her hand back. “You can go home now.”
“I see, thank you for telling me. Can I go see him? Hm, am I allowed?” you ask, your voice hard to find after not having used it for a long time.
“Of course, you are.”
Once JJ tells you all the details, you run to your car. Having left later than usual, you are surprised to see the traffic flowing smoothly. Are you ready to see him? What will you say to him first when you see him?
.
Hospitals aren't your thing, but that's the case for everyone, isn't it? His chamber is easy to find after you ask for him. Reid is already awake, speaking with Morgan sitting on a chair next to his bed. He looks weak and tired ; well, like someone who almost died.
Yet, they look like they are having fun, laughing about something you can’t hear from where you are. Standing far enough away so that his door doesn't open automatically, you hesitate, but as it’s a transparent door, they both eventually notice you.
Reid loses his smile when he sees you, you’re holding your bag strongly and staring at him. He knows you're really close to bursting into tears. You've only cried a very few times in front of him, but he knows how to recognize the signs. As for Morgan, he keeps his smile as he raises up.
“Queen of forms…” he says, the tone of his voice sounding like a reverence, as the door opens. “I have to go. Can you take care of him instead of me?”
“Oh, I didn’t know you had to go–” Reid starts but nobody listens to him.
One only nod from you makes Morgan chuckle. Without waiting, he takes his things before walking closer to Reid to tell him to rest and go back to work only when he can.
Once Morgan is gone, you still hesitate to enter the room. You’re stupidly standing in front of the open door. It’s only when Reid timidly calls you by your first name that you dare to join him.
Up close, he looks even worse, laying down on a medical bed, wearing only a hospital gown. His pale complexion accentuates his dark circles. You put your bag on a chair and walk to the bed. It’s very hard not to cry, but you want to talk first.
“Are you hurt? Do you need me to call someone?” you firstly ask, looking at his body more than himself.
“No. I’m fine. To tell the truth, they give me so many medicines that it’s hard to stay awake,” he explains, looking you in the eyes.
“Oh, I see. Good thing. I-I mean–”
When you hear him laughing at your panic, you can’t help but smile. And then you burst into tears, trying to speak at the same time.
“I was so scared! Only Penelope told me about you! I was so scared we would end with this stupid quarrel… I-I’m sorry. I–” you try to say until he takes your hand.
“I’m fine, and I was scared too,” he says, unable to hide his smile despite what happened to him today.
His smile is the total opposite of your condition. He knows that when you start crying, it’s impossible to stop you, so he waits until you calm down to talk again.
“We’ll talk about this another day, okay?” he asks, stroking your hand without even noticing it, looking at you with puppy eyes.
“Whatever you want. You need to rest anyway. Are you sure you don’t need something?” you answer, wiping your eyes away with your free hand.
“Hm, jello?” he tries.
“Jello?” you chuckle. “Ok. I’ll be quick. Stay here.”
Glad to find you back, smiling and joking, he looks at you leaving his chamber with the biggest smile he ever had, hoping that no nurse will come and take his temperature now, with his red cheeks burning his face.
That day, you stayed with him for hours, talking about anything and everything, except your recent visit to the shelter. Then, you visit him almost everyday after work, it’s on the way home anyway.
.
Being a doctor has a lot of privileges, and leaving the hospital earlier seems to be one of them. Reid could go home only a week after he almost died. It should be forbidden. You were against it, but as you’re not a doctor, nobody listened to you.
An ambulance could have brought Reid home, but since you proposed yourself, he accepted. He wants to make up for lost time as much as possible. So the next Friday, you take the afternoon off and help him.
As soon as you park, you take his bags, even though he grumbles “I can carry my bags, you know!”. His place is still the same. Same mess, same smell of books and coffee. You haven't been here for weeks and you've missed it desperately.
While Spencer is serving two glasses of water, you put his bags next to the couch, then join him.
“I was thinking, hm, would you stay here a little?” Spencer starts in a hesitating tone. “You can leave whenever you want if you need it, but it’s still early. Earlier than if you had left work.”
“I was thinking the same,” you confess, smiling to your glass until you raise your eyes toward him. “But first we need to talk.”
Both agree, you both end up on the couch. Spencer explains the same thing he said in the message you heard with Penelope, except the part about his feeling, and you tell him how hurt you were and apologize about your excessive reaction.
At some point, you are speaking friendly like before. The last thing you hesitate to tell is the message he left for you. You shouldn’t have heard it. You don’t want Penelope to be in trouble. And, yes, honestly you’re scared to speak about it.
“Don’t you need to go home?” Spencer asks eventually when the sun begins to set. “I mean I don’t tell you to leave. I just–”
“It’s ok, Spencer. I get it,” you laugh. “And no, it’s fine. Actually, I was about to ask if you wanted to order something. I'm starting to get hungry.”
Spencer immediately frowns, trying to understand you, but fails. After taking your phone from your pocket, you search for the cutest photos of your pets and show them to him.
“Oh, I didn’t tell you but a friend is going to come over to my place while I'm here. It’s fine for tonight. So, look at my babies! They are so cute! I wanted a female, but those two brothers jumped on me as soon as they saw me,” you start explaining, showing all the photos you took during the last weeks. “They’re adorables! I couldn’t leave the shelter without them, and they’re inseparable so I have no choice but to take them both. And once I was home, they played a lot together. I can leave them alone more than [your former pet’s name]. So, I thought I could still spend my Fridays’ nights here after quickly stopping by my place. Almost like before, you know. What do you think?”
For the first time of his life, Spencer is speechless after a question. He absolutely understands everything you said, but he is blinking with his mouth slightly open, licking his lips sometimes. Waiting for an answer, you slowly put your phone on the coffee table next to the couch.
Apart from his mother, no one has done so much for him. He doesn't know how to react. Well, he really wants to do something, but he's not sure you would agree.
It’s only when Spencer feels your hand squeezing his that he comes back to his senses. At first, he raises his free hand slowly in your face’s direction, then when you tilt your head to meet his hand sooner, he loses all his hesitations. His lips meet yours in no time.
You dreamt about this so many times that you return his kiss naturally. Yet, it feels so much better than your dreams. Softer, sweeter, warmer.
While it starts tenderly, it quickly becomes passionate and breathless. One hand in his soft hair, the other still squeezing his, you enjoy every second of it, as if you'd wake up from dreaming anytime. As for Spencer, as soon as you kiss him back, the hand on your cheek becomes firmer, afraid you would run away anytime. He takes it upon himself not to make you lie down on the cushions behind you, but it's hard to resist.
At some point, you stop the kiss slowly. Moving back far enough to see him, he seems lost in your gaze, waiting for an explanation.
“We should stop…” you murmur even though you want the opposite.
“Oh. Hm. I see. Oh no, consent first! I-I'm sorry! I didn't even ask!” he starts to panic but you stop him quickly.
“No no no ! It's not that! I was–I absolutely consent, but you can't breathe… I mean, you just got out of the hospital. You should rest… And not kissing me like that…”
The last sentence was impossible to say by looking at him at the same time. You look at your hand still in his. Have you ever been this hot in your life? You're sure to be red from head to toe.
Speaking of hand, his fingers are caressing your cheeks tenderly now. Taking your courage in both hands, you eventually look at him. He is still quiet, waiting for more explanation while you thought it was enough. How can he be so attractive after spending a week in the hospital?
“You should rest, Spencer. But I can stay for dinner if you need,” you suggest, smiling shyly.
“Yes, I need you!” he hurries to say a little too loud with a smile.
Both smiling, you eventually take the hand on your cheek and gather his both hands together. You still have something to tell him before it's too late.
“Before ordering food, I need to tell you something,” you start, avoiding his eyes. “Hm, I don’t know how to begin…”
While you search for the best words, Spencer's mind tries to find the rest of your sentence itself, and it's no good for his self-esteem.
“You have a boyfriend,” he affirms since you still haven't talked.
“What? No!” you quickly exclaim.
“You regret the kiss…” he continues, his face more and more shocked as if he doesn't hear you.
“Absolutely not! Do you… regret it?” you ask despite being afraid of his answer.
“No! I loved it! I can't wait to kiss you again! If you didn't stop me, I…” he panics until you squeeze his hands again. “Oh, you don't like Doctor Who and you don't dare to tell me.”
“Can you stop for two seconds Doctor Reid Spencer? I'm wearing your Doctor Who t-shirt under my jacket right now! I just wanted to tell you that I heard the message you asked Penelope to record when you were locked in the room with the Anthrax. I just arrived just before you asked Penelope. I didn't mean to listen to it, but I couldn’t leave! I was so afraid of losing you! I–I…”
“It’s fine. I understand. I'm here, and alive,” he softly says, stopping you to remember painful memories. “And it's okay if you heard it. It was for you actually. So, alright, hm, you know how I feel about you, hm? Well, I didn't plan to tell you this right away… I'd understand if you–”
“I love you too…”
It was a murmur but Spencer heard it. Oh yes, he did. He heard it very well. No place for doubt. He is so overwhelmed with joy that he doesn't know what to do right now. Yet, he finally remembers how to speak.
“Can I kiss you? I promise to breathe!”
How could you resist before his cute, ecstatic tone? You move so fast that your lips find his before he can see it. Of course, Spencer returns your kiss in no time. For your second kiss, you both take your time, enjoying every second of the kiss. Yet, as promised, Spencer reluctantly stops the kiss, breathing with difficulty.
“I think I’ll also need you for breakfast,” he tries, hoping you will understand what he meant.
“About this, I was thinking. Do you want to go to my place for breakfast? I have everything to make breakfast for a hungry hobbit! And you can meet the new boys…”
You weren’t sure if he’d accept, but after a soft kiss he says, “I can wait for tomorrow.” With a big smile, you kiss him again. Dinner can wait a little, right?