Chapter Text
Lan Wangji hesitates at the threshold of the jingshi, hand hovering at the door, heart pounding in painful staccato. He swallows hard, the little chirp of a text notification from Wei Wuxian still ringing in his ears.
lan-er-gege!!! u can come in now!!!! followed by a cheering kaomoji and several winky faces.
It’s fine. He just has to breathe. There is nothing shameful about this, he repeats tentatively to himself as his fingers find purchase in the door handle. It helps to imagine it in Wei Wuxian’s voice, the soothing tenor of it with notes of gentle laughter. Nothing at all, remember?
He pulls the door open.
The jingshi is draped in gauzy fabrics backlit with soft lamps hidden from view, all the curtains drawn over the windows. It gives the jingshi a deceptively cozy atmosphere. There’s a chair innocently placed in the center of the room, one that Lan Wangji recognizes from the Jiang house’s kitchen. Lan Wangji is never going to be able to eat a meal there after this.
He shuts the door behind him, takes off his shoes with careful deliberation, setting them neatly on the mat. There’s shuffling coming from the bathroom, a clatter of a bottle being knocked to the floor and a cheerfully bitten-off curse. Lan Wangji is hyperaware of every sound, the quickening of his own breath in the quiet, the susurrus of his robes—they feel deafening, even against his thundering heartbeat.
“Wei Ying?” he calls tentatively, voice very soft.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian’s voice exclaims, slightly muffled by the bathroom door. “Are you ready?”
Lan Wangji licks his lips nervously. “What constitutes ready?”
A laugh. “Don’t think too hard. Just tell me when you’re in the chair.”
This is more vague than Lan Wangji had hoped for, but he takes a steadying breath, shedding his outermost layer and hanging it in a closet. His eyes flit towards the chair, then back to his hands, still anxiously and ineffectually smoothing down the fabric on the hanger. He takes a step back, then another, trying to hold his hands still by his side.
He walks to the chair, settles into it like a songbird might, tense and ever-ready for flight.
“Wei Ying,” he says. “I’m here.”
The lights dim ever so slightly, though Lan Wangji isn’t exactly sure how given that the jingshi is not equipped with dimmer switches. It shifts the quality of the air, tipping it into something… else.
A lilting guitar strain threads its way through the room.
This in itself is surprising—it’s not at all the kind of music Lan Wangji expected. He’d been braced for the kind of thudding music he’s come to associate with Club Yiling, the kind that worms its way inside the ribcage and makes its raucous home there.
This loosens his chest, makes it a little easier to breathe.
The door to the bathroom clicks open, and Wei Wuxian steps out from behind the translucent fabric hung across the frame. Lan Wangji feels his lips part.
Wei Wuxian approaches catlike from across the room, every step with his bare feet light and calculated. His hair artfully disheveled, figure draped in loose robes that trail over the floor, he pauses right before Lan Wangji, fingers reaching out to ghost the air by his cheeks, knuckles not quite brushing skin.
Lan Wangji’s eyes flutter shut briefly because it’s too much, it’s already too much, how can he be expected to?
Wei Wuxian’s layered robes are a riot of violets, one of the prides of YunmengJiang. Lan Wangji already wants to surge to his feet and throw his arms around him, hold him fast and still. He could be happy like that, he thinks, just like that, holding a Wei Wuxian who is whole and loved. He doesn’t, but it’s a near thing.
“House rules,” Wei Wuxian murmurs, swaying to the melody that fills the room. “I can touch, but you may not. Understood?”
Lan Wangji nods mutely, his voice having fled the moment Wei Wuxian’s shadow had appeared to him.
Wei Wuxian’s hand slides around the back Lan Wangji’s neck, sifting through his hair, fingers cool against his burning skin. “Good boy,” he says with the faintest of smiles.
It’s all Lan Wangji can do to stop himself from grabbing that hand, kissing that palm, taking those fingers into his mouth—
Lan Wangji tries to remember to breathe as Wei Wuxian begins to dance.
It’s different than everything he’s seen before. Wei Wuxian moves with the deliberation of a kunqu performer, the care of someone who knows every shift of the body carries meaning. His arms frame his face in unexpected shapes, hands skimming down his sides with fluttering motions. When he undoes the sash at his waist, letting the first layer slip from his shoulders to pool at his feet, he does it with the grace of a lazy tongue of flame.
He steps out of the fabric towards Lan Wangji, then stops, still hovering just out of reach. Wei Wuxian trails his own fingers down his face, letting the tips catch on his lower lip one by one, his eyes playing demure, flickering up towards Lan Wangji then away again. Lan Wangji takes a shuddering breath.
Wei Wuxian mouths the lyrics to the song as he continues to move, turning circles, hands still all over himself. He looks so—! Lan Wangji knows he’s leaning forward in the chair, but he can’t bring himself to care. Oh, how he wants! Even without the dizzy haze of alcohol, Wei Wuxian is the brightest point in the soft light. His skin shimmers as rolls his head, presents his throat to Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji reaches out before he thinks, and Wei Wuxian catches his hand in his, places it against his mouth.
“No touching, Er-gege,” he whispers against the whorls of Lan Wangji’s fingerprints. “Remember?” His tongue darts out just for a second, and he pushes Lan Wangji’s hand away.
This is crushing, if Lan Wangji is being honest, which he always is. He retracts his hand obediently anyways, pausing only to bring it to his own lips for a brief moment. He’s rewarded with a stutter in Wei Wuxian’s otherwise fluid motion.
When the next layer comes off, it reveals a sheer, wine-red slip of a thing beneath, and this is how Wei Wuxian looks when he takes the final step into Lan Wangji’s space, pushing Lan Wangji’s legs apart and taking his place between his thighs.
Lan Wangji has his head tipped up to look into Wei Wuxian’s sharp painted eyes, the halo of light about his crown. He very much wants to kiss. Wei Wuxian’s hands come up in tandem to caress the planes of Lan Wangji’s face, fingers curled around the shells of his ears. When Wei Wuxian opens his mouth and sings along to the music, his lips are so close to Lan Wangji’s own that he can taste the warmth of Wei Wuxian’s breath.
“请原谅我多情的打扰,” he whispers, and then pulls away, leaving Lan Wangji feeling terribly, terribly bereft.
“Wei Ying,” he says hoarsely.
Wei Wuxian doesn’t answer him, just steps away in a whirl of crimson as the music picks up. Lan Wangji watches, entranced. He can see the shape of Wei Wuxian’s body in silhouette through the diaphanous red of his last layer. Wei Wuxian dances with it like a maiden with her sleeves. It comes away from his body in panels, revealing flashes of naked skin before it falls back into place, shielding him coyly from view.
By the time Wei Wuxian finally returns to him, straddling Lan Wangji’s hips and settling with a pointed squirm into his lap, Lan Wangji can feel the threads of his self-control snapping one by one. Wei Wuxian is so warm as he rolls himself against Lan Wangji. They’re both hard already—Lan Wangji can feel it every time Wei Wuxian rocks his hips. He keeps his hands clenched into fists by his side as Wei Wuxian’s eyes sparkle at him. Delicately, Wei Wuxian reaches over and pries them loose, placing both of Lan Wangji’s hands on his waist.
“Be gentle, Er-gege,” he warns playfully.
It takes everything in Lan Wangji not to yank Wei Wuxian down hard, but he manages to keep his hands light, though they tremble.
Wei Wuxian hums approvingly and honors him with a little more friction, lips turning up at Lan Wangji’s involuntary gasp.
“Heavens, you’ll really be the death of me,” Wei Wuxian says with a heartbreaking fondness. Lan Wangji thinks he must have misspoken, because it’s obviously Wei Wuxian who’s going to kill him first if he keeps on like this, moving faster as the music crescendoes, moving, moving—
The song ends, and Wei Wuxian freezes. Their noses are almost touching. There’s a beat of silence punctuated by ragged breathing.
Lan Wangji lifts Wei Wuxian up sharply, and Wei Wuxian yelps in surprise, wrapping his legs around Lan Wangji’s waist. There’s a persistent buzzing in Lan Wangji’s head, the buzzing of elation and desire and permission. He all but throws Wei Wuxian onto the bed, careful not to let his head hit the boards.
Wei Wuxian is already laughing as he is wont to do, bouncing back up into a sitting position. “So eager, Lan-er-gege!” he teases. The slip he’s wearing slides off one shoulder, and Lan Wangji tugs it sharply off the other with a single-minded drive. He wants it off now, he wants to see Wei Ying, he wants—
His hands go still as the slip falls away, leaving Wei Wuxian sitting in a pile of bright red. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of blue lace panties underneath, and he stretches languidly to show them off.
Lan Wangji can’t think. Or speak. Or move.
This just makes Wei Wuxian laugh harder. “Like seeing me in your colors, Lan-er-gege?”
It breaks the spell. Lan Wangji tears the ribbon from his forehead, pushes Wei Wuxian down hard against the bed. He straddles him with his knees.
“Snap your fingers if I cross the line,” he manages to get out.
Wei Wuxian’s brow wrinkles, though the smile never quite leaves his mouth. “What do you mean sn—mmf—!”
Lan Wangji shoves the metal ornament on his ribbon between Wei Wuxian’s teeth like a bit and pulls the ribbon tight, jerking on the ends until they cut into the corners of his mouth. He knots them securely behind Wei Wuxian’s head with the ease of decades of practice.
Wei Wuxian’s eyes are wide with a shock that’s quickly tilting into lust. Lan Wangji lets his hand rest lightly on Wei Wuxian’s throat, just enough so that he can feel the pulse jumping there.
“Hands,” Lan Wangji commands through a thick tongue. “Above your head.”
Wei Wuxian raises them slowly, never breaking eye contact, until he holds them crossed at the wrist. Lan Wangji undoes the sash at his waist and ties it tight around them before he strips out of his outer robes and tosses them to the floor.
Wei Wuxian’s pupils are blown wide, his breathing huffed around the makeshift gag. His spit darkens the light blue fabric, and Lan Wangji feels a dark thrill in seeing how the sacred is profaned. He leans down and kisses Wei Wuxian, tonguing between his open lips, feeling the embossed surface of the cloud held between his teeth. Wei Wuxian whimpers into it, his whole body arching.
Lan Wangji thinks he is alight. There’s a fire running under his skin, so bright and so ecstatic. He keeps kissing Wei Wuxian for long minutes until spittle runs from the corners of Wei Wuxian’s mouth, until Wei Wuxian’s moans grow plaintive and insistent.
Lan Wangji shifts down the bed peppering kisses and nips along the way like a trail of breadcrumbs to find his way home. When he scrapes his teeth along the dip of Wei Wuxian’s bones, right at his waistband, Lan Wangji hears him gasp.
He’s never done this before, but the theory is there, surely? Lan Wangji mouths over Wei Wuxian’s erection through the lace, feeling the texture of the fabric chafing lightly against the thin skin of his lips. He exhales hot over it, presses kisses to it as Wei Wuxian shakes. He throws his arms over Wei Wuxian’s thighs to hold him still as he peels the panties down with his teeth.
Wei Wuxian cries out, a tiny, startled “ah!” that travels like lightning down Lan Wangji’s spine. He glances up to see Wei Wuxian staring down at him helplessly, lips jewel-bright and kiss-stung against the blue of his ribbon.
Lan Wangji takes the head of Wei Wuxian’s cock into his mouth, laying his tongue against its underside, the ridges there. He feels Wei Wuxian make an aborted thrust and bears down harder, hollowing his cheeks. Wei Wuxian tastes like skin and sweat and the barest bitterness of precome. It sticks in the back of Lan Wangji’s throat, burns just a little. Lan Wangji hums around the thick heat in his mouth, lets it vibrate there before pulling off to take a breath.
He presses his nose into the soft curls of hair at his base, sucking kisses there until he’s satisfied with Wei Wuxian’s shivers and little whining noises. It takes a while. After all, Lan Wangji is greedy. By the time he looks back up, Wei Wuxian’s eyes are glazed and dizzy, his whole body tighter than piano wire. He leans back down.
Lan Wangji fucks his own mouth on Wei Wuxian’s cock, feeling the slip of precome on his tongue as he moves. He doesn’t understand how much he wants this, can’t begin to fathom the depths of his own insistent neediness. He swirls his tongue around the head once, then again—
“Lan Zhan—ah, Lan Zhan, wait—” Wei Wuxian gasps around the ribbon, words muffled around the edges, and then there’s come filling Lan Wangji’s mouth, faster than he can swallow, hotter than he expected. It spills past his lips back onto Wei Wuxian as he gags on it, the acrid taste of it stinging in his nose. He swallows anyways to draw out Wei Wuxian’s cries, swallows again and again until Wei Wuxian is sobbing and writhing away from him.
“Please, Lan Zhan, please, please—” he babbles through the ribbon. “Lan Zhan, please—”
Lan Wangji licks him one last time from base to tip for good measure and hears Wei Wuxian’s voice crack on his name.
Lan Wangji rises back up on his knees, clambers up the bed until he’s straddling Wei Wuxian’s waist. Untying his inner robes and shoving his own trousers down, he takes himself in hand with trembling fingers, runs the wet tip of his cock over Wei Wuxian’s nipples, against his collarbones, across his lips. A bead of precome drips into Wei Wuxian’s held-open mouth. Lan Wangji feels his own breath punched out of him.
“I’m going to come on you,” he says, stroking himself. “Okay?”
Wei Wuxian nods. “Hanguang-jun is welcome,” he whispers.
Lan Wangji gasps because he was already close, and paints white streaks on Wei Wuxian’s throat, his chin, speckles his ribbon with his own release.
Lan Wangji’s knees give out, but he catches himself before he falls with his full weight onto Wei Wuxian. With a shaking hand, he undoes the butterfly knot behind Wei Wuxian’s head, freeing his mouth.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian murmurs. “Lan Zhan!”
“I’m here,” Lan Wangji responds. “I’m here, Wei Ying, I’m here.” He’s shivery all over, tremors in his muscles like static.
“Untie my hands so I can put them on you,” Wei Wuxian says.
Lan Wangji does, and Wei Wuxian pulls him down so they can kiss, long and unhurried. Lan Wangji can smell himself on Wei Wuxian’s skin.
“Fuck,” Wei Wuxian says with feeling. “Damn it.”
“What?” Lan Wangji asks, immediately worried. “What’s wrong?”
Wei Wuxian grins wryly. “I really wanted you to fuck me.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t look like that!” He pecks him on the nose. “This was good too. This was so good, actually,” he laughs. “Hanguang-jun really knows how to bear things in his mouth, doesn’t he?”
Lan Wangji buries his face into Wei Wuxian’s shoulder because of course Wei Wuxian has to be embarrassing in all things.
Wei Wuxian continues, words tripping off his tongue without a hint of shame. “But I want your come inside of me too, you know? On me, inside me, in my mouth—”
“Wei Ying!” Lan Wangji interrupts, feeling his cheeks heat.
“Is Lan-er-gege shy?” Wei Wuxian teases. “Doesn’t he want that too?”
He does want that too. He wants to mark every inch of Wei Wuxian in the filthiest way possible so no one else can have him again. This is a dishonorable thought, but he supposes he could stand to grow a little more comfortable with his own dishonor. So he forces himself to nod, to show Wei Wuxian that he’s trying.
Wei Wuxian’s smile grows wider and softer. “Look at you,” he says, bringing one hand to his cheek.
“Look at me?” Lan Wangji asks. He doesn’t want to. He just wants to keep staring at Wei Ying.
“Where do you keep your lube, for next time?” Wei Wuxian asks, craning his neck. “In here?” He tugs the bedside drawer open before Lan Wangji can stop him.
Wei Wuxian’s eyes widen. There, laid out before him, are all his little paper men and doodles, every sketch he’d ever given Lan Wangji. And there, among them, is the shell of his burnt talisman. He turns back to look at Lan Wangji, his eyes wide and brimming with an emotion Lan Wangji is scared to name.
“Oh, Lan Zhan!” he says.
“I—I don’t keep it there,” Lan Wangji stammers. “I mean. I have—it’s somewhere else, I can—”
Wei Wuxian cuts him off with a fierce kiss that silences the panicking gallop of his mind. “I changed my mind, I don’t give a fuck about the lube right now,” he says against his lips. “I like you so much, please just keep kissing me so I don’t lose my mind.” So Lan Wangji does.
When they finally break apart, he can feel Wei Wuxian starting to shiver from the cold, the drying sweat and come on his skin leaving him cool to the touch. “Wait here,” he says, getting to his feet. He opts to step out of his pants entirely, leaving himself wearing only his inner robes, untied and loose. He catches sight of Wei Wuxian staring at him appreciatively and looks away quickly as he heads to the bathroom. Inside, he cleans himself with a warm washcloth, then fetches a second to bring out to Wei Wuxian.
He opens the door to the sound of fluttering wings and snapping paper.
All of the paper men from the drawer are awake, flying towards him in an excited flock, swirling around the room like the first flurry of autumn leaves in the wind. They swarm to him, plastering themselves to his arms, his cheeks, his legs, climbing over his body with feather-light touches, tugging playfully on his clothing and hair, pecking at the corners of his mouth.
“Wei Ying!” Lan Wangji says.
And there he is, beyond the wittering flock of paper, naked and laughing with a smile to charm the moon out of water.
thus begin the end notes.
here’s the song. I linked it way back in chapter one, but this is the cover i think about and listen to all the time. and here’s a translation i did real quick!
夜好深了
It’s deep into the night
纸窗里怎么亮着
Why is there light in the paper window?
那不是彻夜等候 你为我点的烛火
That’s not the candle you lit for me after waiting all night, is it?
不过是一次邂逅
But it was just an unexpected meeting
红楼那一场梦
Red mansions, it’s all but a dream1
我的山水全部褪色
All my landscapes have faded
像被大雨洗过
As if washed by a storm
杯中景色诡魅
In the cup, the scenery is bizarre
我忘了我是谁
I’ve forgotten who I am
心情就像夜凉如水
My mood is like the night, cool as water
手里握着蝴蝶杯单飞
In my hand I hold the butterfly chalice2, flying alone
不醉不归
If I’m not drunk, I’ll not return!
说好破晓前忘掉
I’d agreed to forget by daybreak
拥抱变成了煎熬
Embraces become torment
犯错像迷恋镜花水月的无聊
Making mistakes is as senseless as being infatuated with reflections and illusions
请原谅我多情的打扰
Please forgive my most passionate disruptions
威凛凛跨雕鞍忙传一令
with imposing power, striding forward upon a carved saddle, in the midst of command3
醉怎么会喝醉
Drunk! How did I get drunk again?
美因为你的美
Beauty! Because of your beauty!
爱匆匆一瞥不过点缀
Love is just a rushed glance, nothing but embellishment!
飞看大雪纷飞
Fly, watch the snow flurries fly,
却再也找不回
But you can never find again
被白雪覆盖那些青翠
That verdant greenery covered by the white snow
当时空成为拥有你唯一条件
When time and space became the only conditions to have you
我又醉
I’m drunk again!
琥珀色的月结了霜的泪
The amber moon begets tears of frost
我会记得这段岁月
I will remember these years
说好破晓前忘掉
I’d agreed to forget by daybreak
拥抱变成了煎熬
Embraces become torment
犯错像迷恋镜花水月的无聊
Making mistakes is as senseless as being infatuated with reflections and illusions
请原谅我
Please forgive me!
4, 3, 2, 1!
花田里犯了错
In the flower field, I made a mistake
想要破晓前忘掉
I wanted to forget by daybreak
就像我来歌手
Just like my coming to Singer4
有人觉得奇妙
Some people find it amazing
台上的一分钟
One minute on the stage
十年功把眼泪掉
for ten years of sweat and tears
说说笑笑
Talk a little, laugh a little
唱唱跳跳
Sing a little, dance a little
也请你拍手叫好
And also ask that you clap and call bravo!
我的山水全都褪了色
All my landscapes have faded
多情的打扰请原谅我
These most passionate disruptions, please forgive me!
不是彻夜为我点的火
It’s not the candle lit for me at the end of the night!
在那花田里我犯了错
In that flower field, I made a mistake!
花田里犯了错
In the flower field, I made a mistake!
1. a reference to the Chinese classic, Dream of Red Mansions (红楼梦)
2. a reference to an opera called “The Butterfly Chalice” or possibly the 1965 movie of the same name; I admittedly know nothing about either of them and most of the information concerning the opera is in Chinese and frankly, I don’t have the energy to spend researching it ;;;
3. this line is from an opera! it’s not in the original song, but the cover artist (吴青峰 | Wu Qingfeng) sang this line for one of his band’s (Sodagreen) original songs several years ago. You can watch a video comparing the music video of the song, his recording of it behind the scenes, and the original opera piece it comes from here! If you’re interested in the Sodagreen song, you can listen to it here on Youtube. If you’re looking on Spotify, it’s off their “Once in a Lifetime” album.
4. this break in the song was written by Wu Qingfeng and isn’t in the original. “Singer” is a competitive singing show, which is where he’s performing this cover. You can watch a lot of the original seasons on Youtube, though they only recently started offering English subs. The 2019 season was plagued with a lot of like, copyright and technical issues, so it’s actually quite hard to watch it in full, even in China lmao. it’s really unfortunate, bc wqf is in it, and i’m extremely weak for him, as well as refined grandma Chyi Yu, and several other very talented artists. Most international audiences probably are familiar with the season that starred Jessie J in 2018, which was also a really good season and has my weird alien boy hua chenyu and my soft classical boy huo zun!! (2015 remains extremely dear to my heart though, ahahaha all of those singers came crashing into my heart full speed :’) im v gay for tan weiwei)
NOTES bc i broke the character limit again!!
1. Re: the (lack) of a dimmer switch—wwx definitely got one of his theatre lighting friends to help him set up the lights for his private strip show because he’s just Like That and you know theatre kids are all about the shenanigans
2. kunqu is an older form of chinese opera that predates the peking opera that most people are familiar with. I think they’re also contemporaries, but gonna be honest, my knowledge of kunqu is extremely limited as in my step-grandma is a kunqu teacher and gave me like 3 lessons once, but my chinese wasn’t good enough to follow her explanations :’) The wiki page is here!
3. 请原谅我多情的打扰 — hello yes i did quote the title in the epilogue, yes this is dangerously close to songfic, no i don’t care
4. so there’s two instances in this where I really played myself by thinking about the dialogue half in chinese and half in english and the first is “Hanguang-jun is welcome” hahaha. In my head, he’s saying, “含光君，请”, which is like please, or you’re welcome to, or a request to go ahead.
the second is, “Hanguang-jun really knows how to bear things in his mouth” LMAO. /o\ for those of you who speak chinese, in my head, it goes something like, “不愧是含光君，真会含！” is this a valid pun?? honestly??? i have no idea, probably it’s something no chinese person would ever say, but the the joke is that the “han” in hgj is the same “han” for holding things in your mouth and look im BAD at dirty talk this is so fucking embarrassing ANYWAYS me, having trouble translating my own bad chinese into english??? it’s more likely than you think *hides face*
5. “to charm the moon out of the water” this is. idk it’s a reference to a line in the song—the one about illusions and reflections. the actual phrase is “镜花水月”: “flowers in a mirror, the moon in water”, and it refers both to illusory things and sort of like, taking an unrealistically positive view of a situation. but guess what!! the happy fantasy became reality!!! they did it!!! so, a smile to charm the moon out of the water, ie, to make the fantasy real. is this dumb?? YEAH but oh WELL i’m a SAP and a FOOL and i’ll see myself out anyways, i really wanted to end the story on an image of wei ying laughing bc I think one of the most important and moving parts of his character is that no matter what happens, no matter how terrible the world, he’s always going to be someone who turns towards joy, you know?