Chapter Text
Part three: as the world caves in
The day Lance Mclain died was just like any other on the castle. Keith woke up to his alarm going off, signaling it was time for training. He rolled out of bed with a sigh, eyeing the empty spot on the left. Since Lance had been put on bedrest Coran had insisted he stay in the med bay where he could be monitored. Keith missed waking up with the blue paladin’s arms around him.
Keith strapped on his armor and headed to the training deck where they ran basic drills for hours. They were still learning how to work as a team with Allura as the blue paladin. Half the time Keith would turn during a mission or training, expecting to see Lance somewhere high above him picking off enemies. More times than he could count Keith had gotten injured recently simply because he was so used to Lance having his back that it was second nature to assume he’d take care of the Galra running towards Keith when his back was turned.
Keith didn’t tell Lance any of this. Not that he was sure Lance would understand anyway, he was rarely aware these days.
After hours of training Keith stopped to get a snack and water before heading to the med bay to visit Lance. The other man was sound asleep when he got there, so Keith pulled up the chair (which had been labled his for how often he used it) and sat back to watch Lance sleep.
As Keith was finishing his water Lance stirred, eyes opening.
“Hey sharpshooter how you doing?” Keith asked, unsure of how lucid Lance would be.
His voice was rough and tired when he spoke “Keith,” he whispered.
Keith leaned forward taking Lance’s hand, something about the way Lance said his name made his heart lurch.
“I love you,”
There was a moment of nothing before Lance squeezed Keith’s hand. It was weak, barely even a movement but Keith knew exactly what it meant: I love you too.
Suddenly the machines Lance was hooked up to started to beep, Keith felt a ringing in his ears as he looked towards the heart monitor and saw the flatline.
He didn’t know how long he stood there numbly holding Lance’s hand before someone was touching his shoulder and the rest of the team was there.
Someone was talking to him but all Keith could do was hold onto Lance tightly as the machines blinked around them.
Distantly a part of Keith thought that there was no “them” because Lance was dead,
it was just Keith.
Suddenly everything came rushing back in and Keith could hear the ringing of the flatline, Shiro’s voice in his ear, see Lance on the bed still, unbreathing.
Dead.
Keith screamed.
--
He hated earth, he really did.
The other paladins cried when they touched down. Pidge and Hunk flung themselves into their family’s arms. Shiro ran towards Adam only stopping short when he registered the wheel chair his ex-fiancé was in, Adam seemed to notice Shiro’s arm at the same time and they spent a good ten minutes screaming at each other before falling into a tearful embrace.
Keith hung back watching the homecoming beside Allura and Coran, he felt like them. Strangers on an unknown planet, not someone coming home.
Eventually the garrison officials decided there was enough chit chat and started on business, loading them inside, no doubt to interrogate the hell out of them.
It was days of nothing but work after that, millions of questions, disagreements, briefings, fighting.
When it was over, Keith was so tired.
The fight was won, but even from the moment he awoke in a hospital bad to see the soft smiles of his mother and Kolivan, he could feel the itching in the back of his mind. Nothing was over yet, Haggar was out there and they couldn’t sit here wasting away. He felt like a sitting duck waiting in his room under the watchful eyes of his mother and a stubborn nurse.
“You need to heal,” He clucked disapprovingly when Keith had tried to sneak out. Keith rolled his eyes but something about the man’s southern accent reminded him of his father and so Keith let the nurse fuss over him.
Finally, once Keith was cleared to walk around again, he knew the first place he needed to go.
He lingered outside of Veronica Mclain’s hospital room for fifteen minutes trying to get up the nerve to either go inside or leave. There was a steady chatter of Spanish coming from inside. He’d almost made up his mind, about to turn on his heel and come back another time when the door was suddenly opened and Keith was face-to-face with Lance’s mother.
She stood still for a moment eyes flicking over his face before speaking: “You are Keith, yes?”
“Uh, yes…” He said awkwardly.
Distantly he could imagine Lance’s amused giggle if he could see this situation, but Keith quickly brushed the ghost away before it could touch him.
“Come in Kogane,” Veronica called from inside the room.
Keith hesitated for a moment as Lance’s mother stepped to the side to let him pass. He entered the room carefully, feeling like he was trespassing.
“Uh, how are you feeling?” Keith asked Veronica quietly “I- I heard you were hurt in the battle so…” He trailed off unsure of himself under the watchful eyes of Lance’s family.
“I’m alright, nothing the doctors couldn’t patch up. You?”
“Oh,” Keith shifted on his feet, resisting the urge to bolt “Yeah I’m fine, had a concussion but I’m all cleared now.
“That’s good,” Veronica nodded.
“Yeah…”
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before Keith straightened, building up his resolve.
“Look,” he started looking up at Veronica how sat a little taller in her hospital bed “I know Shiro already talked to you guys. You know, about Lance…” Keith heard his own voice soften on the boy’s name, he felt a little embarrassed by it but that seemed to be the thing to make them trust him more because instantly the stiffness bled out of Veronica and she nodded.
“Yeah,” she said softly “he did.”
“Right, so you know everything I just…” he swallowed “I have his things. The other paladins thought I should have them after… he died. But,” Keith took a deep breath steading his shaky voice “I think they belong with you all, if you want them.”
“If you’re willing to part with them,” A man spoke up and Keith turned to face him, he was pretty sure this was Luis, the eldest Mclain child.
“Honestly… it’s all been in the back of my lion for years.” Keith admitted “I haven’t really touched it. I think you all should have it.”
“Then we would be honored to take it,” Luis said softly.
“Why haven’t you touched it?” Veronica asked.
Keith frowned brushing off the defensiveness that bubbled inside his chest, Veronica seemed curious, not accusing. “It’s his,” Keith shrugged “he was always so picky about his things and I didn’t want to mess with it because then he’d be annoyed with me when—” he stopped suddenly.
“When what?” Veronica prompted.
“When he came back…” Keith said quietly “which I know is stupid, he’s dead. But he never felt gone, not completely.”
“Lance is still with us in a way,” Lance’s mother said gently touching Keith’s arm.
“He said that to me… that I’d have him even when he was gone. You have to believe me, I tried. I tried so hard to find a way to cure him. Obviously, I couldn’t and the night I realized...” Keith couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed by the way he choked on the words.
The family remained silent letting Keith collect himself.
“The night I realized I couldn’t save him, he knew something was wrong, he always knew even though I tried to keep it from him. I guess it just hit me, I didn’t want him to see that but somehow it woke him up. He promised I’d be okay without him, I didn’t believe him. I’m still not sure I do…” Keith admitted softly. “I- I was there when he died, I was the only one. I held his hand. I guess I’ve always felt guilty for that. His last words were my name and—” he was crying now but at least he wasn’t the only one “you all should have been there. He talked about you so much. Before he got sick he used to plan our homecoming, he said he’d make all of us visit you guys in Cuba and see the beach. I used to complain about that,” Keith chuckled shakily “I hated sand and didn’t understand how special family could be at the time, but he showed me. I guess… I just feel like I owe you, all the time that I got that you didn’t. It isn’t fair.
“No it’s not,” Rachel said, her eyes shining with unshed tears “but I can tell he was in good hands.”
“You loved him very much,” Lance’s father spoke up, it was a statement not a question, but Keith nodded anyway.
“Thank you, Keith.” Veronica said “for visiting, giving us this piece of Lance back. Don’t you dare feel guilty for spending those moments with Lance when we couldn’t,”
“You’re family now,” Lance's mother said gently squeezing Keith’s arm which she still held carefully. “I always knew Lance would choose his own family someday, I was excited to meet whatever special person he would bring home to us. It is different, but he still brought you home in a way, no?”
Keith felt something in his chest shatter and Lance’s mom pulled him in tight, holding him close. All Keith could think as he sobbed was that she smelled like roses.
--
“Okay, this seems to be the last of it!” Coran said clapping his hands as the last box of Lance’s things was dropped in the Mclain’s living room.
There was a moment of stillness while the family (plus Keith and Coran) stared at the boxes as if the ghost of Lance would suddenly jump out of them.
“Will you two stay to help us go through them?” Rachel asked hesitantly “I’m sure there are all sorts of weird space stuff we wouldn’t know what to do with.
“Of course!” Coran said enthusiastically. Keith just nodded.
Finally, Veronica seemed to get up the nerve to make the first move, she sat down on the floor and pulled a box over, opening it carefully. The first thing she pulled out was a collection of pictures. Everyone else had kept such things on their communicator but Lance liked having physical copies.
Veronica smiled gently as she leafed through them before passing all but one to her mother. She held out the single photo to Keith.
“I think you should keep this one,”
He took it from her, carefully examining the image. It was of Keith and Lance, long before Lance got sick, and even longer before they got together. Yet the affection in their faces was clear to see, even at a time when they insisted they hated each other. Keith wished he could go back in time and punch his younger self for being so oblivious.
The picture was taken on some planet that Keith couldn’t remember the name of, just that it’d been nice. The inhabitants had been kind, and no one had tried to kill them.
“Can you tell us about that one?” Rachel asked peering over Keith’s shoulder.
“Yeah… this was one of the first years we were in space, truthfully Lance and I didn’t get along so great back then. But we still had our moments, I guess this was one of them.” Keith said gesturing to Lance’s soft smile in the picture and the way he had his arm slung around Keith’s shoulder who looked disgruntled but there was still warmth in his eyes despite the glare he wore. “the planet we were on had thrown this huge party, I hated parties even more back then. I panicked and went to go hide, Lance found me. He sat with me until I was ready to go back and then stayed by my side the rest of the night. I complained the entire time, but I was grateful. I hated being left to fend for myself at social events. We had a huge argument on the way back to the castle though, I don’t even remember over what… but I never got to thank him for staying with me.”
“I bet he probably knew,” Rachel smiled “he was always so empathetic.”
The other photos were passed back to Veronica who put them to the side moving on to the next item. Keith carefully tucked the photo of him and Lance into his pocket.
They continued sorting through the rest of the boxes occasionally looking to Keith and Coran to explain what things were.
“Oh, that’s an Altean crystal!” Coran said excitedly and Veronica held up a blue rock.
“What does it do?” Marco asked frowning at it like the rock might attack.
“Oh nothing dangerous, never fear. Young Alteans often bond with them, it connects to their quintessence and brings them comfort.” He reached out to take the crystal from Veronica, no doubt about to give a long-winded speech on its history and properties when a small glow emitted from it before sputtering out.
Coran froze, mouth open, eyes wide. Keith had never heard the man so silent as he stared at the crystal.
“Coran?” Keith prompted carefully “what’s wrong?”
“Did you also see it glow, or am I inheriting my grandfather's tendency for hallucinations?”
“Huh? No, I saw I glow, it’s a magic rock isn’t it supposed to do that?”
“Yes, when it’s bonded to a person it glows to bring them comfort,”
“Okay, so what’s the problem?” Marco asked with a frown.
“Well… it bonded to Lance, I was there when it happened. But, Lance is gone, therefore so too, should the bond.”
“Maybe it’s because we’re his family?” Veronica asked. “It was only a tiny little glow,”
“Hm, I’ve never heard of such a thing but humans tend to react to quintessence different than any other species. It could be.”
“Isn’t quintessence what killed Lance?” Veronica spoke her voice small.
“Yes,” Coran nodded “but quintessence on its own is not inherently bad. It’s a force that flows through the entire universe and every living thing in it. It was direct contact with raw quintessence that made Lance sick, raw quintessence is essentially pure energy. Quintessence that isn’t raw is a bit more abstract, it doesn’t have a form, it’s a not a material, it just is.” Coran shook his head “I’ll have to look into humans and quintessence, I’m sure there’s an explanation for the crystal.”
Keith nodded but there was a flutter of yearning in his chest, a spark of hope he tried to stamp out. Keith had been there when Lance took his last breath, buried his body. He knew Lance was gone, he’d seen the facts himself.
Later that night after dinner and everyone had started to go their separate ways, Veronica stopped Keith on his way to his bike.
“Wait!”
He turned to see her running over, some sort of book in her hand. She slowed as she approached, stopping in front of Keith and waving the book at him. “Take this,” Veronica said shoving it into his arms.
“What is it?” On closer examination, it seemed to be a notebook.
“Lance’s dream journal.”
Keith frowned “Vee, I’m not taking this.”
“Yes, you are! I only read a little bit because it’s heavy, but I think it’s important.”
“Important for what?”
“Lance,”
Keith stiffened “what do you mean?”
“You said all those months ago in the hospital that you didn’t feel like he was gone. What if he isn’t?”
“I saw him die,” Keith said, for once not softening his words on the matter.
“Just read it,” Veronica pleaded “read it, and if you still don’t think there’s a chance then I won’t push it again… but there is something for you in there too, a letter I found. I tucked it in the back.”
Keith wanted to argue, to tell her not to fuel his hope. He knew if he let himself think there was really a chance, even for a second then it would crush him. Before he could reject the journal, however, an echo of a memory brushed the back of his mind.
Shiro… everyone told Keith he was dead, but Keith had known. Something deep in his heart had told him, just as it had told him that there was something out there when he’d found the blue lion. Shiro had been alive, both times. Even when everyone told him to be realistic, to understand that he was gone. Now Keith’s gut was telling him the same thing. It wasn’t as strong as with Shiro, just a faint tugging, an unrest that Keith had walked around with for so many years he forgot what it felt like without it. The restlessness pulling him to the stars, even now that they had a break. There was something out there Keith needed. He’d blamed the feeling on habit, trauma, abandonment issues, grief. But what if the pull was something else?
“Fine,” Keith said finally, “I’ll read it but that’s it,”
“That’s all I’m asking,”
--
Dear Keith,
I have a million things I want to tell you, I don’t even know where to start. Also, I’m unsure if I’ve managed to say some of this to you before, so you have just humor me. Okay?? I’m a dying man Keith, you’re legally required to humor me. Or I guess I’ll be dead by the time you read this. So then you’re REALLY required to humor me. You can’t deny a dead person Keith, that’s really fucking rude.
Anyway, death aside (except not really aside because I think this whole letter really revolves around death, but you get me.) even after all this time I’m still not sure how to say some things to you. On one hand, I feel like I need to, but on the other, I’m afraid saying this will make it harder for you to accept me dying. Right now you're asleep next to me. You fell asleep at your desk working on some lead to cure me, I had to wake you and pull drag you to bed. You snuggled into my side and immediately fell back asleep. Who would have thought, Keith Kogane Lover of Cuddles? Your hair smells nice, I couldn’t even tell you what it smells like, but it’s distinctly you, so I love it. I love the way your eyelashes flutter when you’re dreaming and how your hair falls into your face.
I just really love sleeping with you. Wait… I meant like sleeping beside you but the sex is really good too (it’s okay you can roll your eyes, don’t be afraid just because I’m dead).
I think I could tell you I love you every second of every day for as long as I live and it couldn’t express how I really feel. I know you know I love you, but I’ve tried to tone it down a bit because I don’t want it to hurt you more when I’m gone. Maybe that’s a mistake. I think I’ll regret it which is why I’m writing this letter.
I am head over heels for your Keith Kogane. And you know what, I’m not so afraid of dying anymore, but I am afraid of one thing and that’s leaving you. I’m terrified that you’ll draw into yourself, that you won’t smile enough, that you’ll work too hard. I’m also scared you’ll find someone you love more than me. I know it’s selfish, I want you to move on when I’m gone. I want you to be happy. Please find someone you love every bit as much as me, just not more okay?
(I’m kidding, if you find someone you love more that’s okay. I’m lucky I got to be loved by you at all, it’s a rare thing to be loved by you, it’s sacred.)
I lied before, I am still scared of dying. Not a lot, but enough. I just don’t know what comes next and that scares me. But I like to think that you’ll be part of it eventually, whether that be in another life or something.
So, Keith, the light of my life. My beautiful, incredible boyfriend,
I’ll see you soon.
I love you,
Lance
Keith clutched the letter to his chest, the tears which had been rolling down his face since the second paragraph turned into sobs and he curled into Kosmo, letting to wolf give him a comforting lick to his face at the sight of his owner’s distress.
Keith cried, really and truly cried. Deep shuddering sobs wracked his body. He cried until his head throbbed and his eyes itched.
And for the first time since the scream that had ripped itself from his body on the day he’d watched Lance die, Keith let himself grieve.
--
The day before the Atlas was set to launch Shiro found him on top of the black lion.
Ever since defeating Sendak changes had been happening in the Voltron team. At first, Keith had been adverse to it, he liked his lion, his place. When Shiro had brought up stepping down to work on the Atlas instead, Keith hadn’t been happy with the idea.
But unlike the first time Shiro had brought up Keith leading, there weren’t any alarm bells going off in his head. Instead, he remembered a night when he’d revealed Shiro’s request to take the black paladin place one day to Lance. The other boy hadn’t laughed or scoffed like Keith thought he might, instead Lance had beamed.
“I think you’d make a great leader, you’d need some practice but we’d help you. We’re your team.”
So with only a second’s hesitation, Keith had nodded and agreed to try and bond with Black.
He hadn’t quite expected the lion to accept him, but Black had.
After that, of course, they needed a new red paladin. Keith knew instantly the person he wanted to pilot Red. Allura had told him when he’d made the decision that Lance had known too, when he told her he wanted her to take Blue, he’d been certain she’d be perfect for it. He’d been right. Keith was right in his choice too.
Veronica Mclain was the most like Lance out of her family. She was stubborn, empathetic, bright, funny, and rash at times. She’d do anything to protect the people she loved. She was more serious than Lance, stricter, and a little harder to get to know, but Keith thought that if Lance had lived to be her age, he probably would have been a little more like her.
With Veronica as the red paladin, for the first time since Lance’s death, a hole in Voltron started to close a bit. She brought the slice of pure humanity they were missing. For the first time in many years, Keith felt hopeful.
They trained for many months as a new team, it took a little while for Keith to get used to being a leader. There were some bumps, but every time Keith felt himself getting frustrated, pulling away, he remembered Lance’s voice:
“we’d help you. We’re your team.”
It took some getting used to, Keith was never the best at communicating, but slowly he began to open up to everyone. They’d all spend hours together staying up, talking about their fears, hopes, dreams. For the first time since Lance died Keith began to talk openly about him. They weren’t just a team anymore, they were family.
Keith knew Lance would be proud.
“What are you doing up here?” Shiro asked as he sat down beside Keith on the black lion.
“Just watching the sunset,”
“Okay,” Shiro said simply, giving Keith the time he needed to start the conversation.
They watched the sun slowly dip below the horizon for a while before Keith found the words to speak.
“When we got back to earth my first thought was that I hated it here. Now… I feel like I made peace with a little piece of Lance here. Like I can think about him again without feeling like it’s going to kill me. I’m afraid to leave honestly, but also… I feel like he’s up there.” Keith said pointing to the sky where a few stars were starting to show in the darkest parts.
“I noticed, you finally let yourself feel it,” Shiro said softly.
“It hurts,” Keith confessed “I miss him so much and I don’t think it will ever stop hurting.”
“I’m not sure it’s supposed to stop. I think there’s always going to be a hole where he belongs.”
“Why did you really step down?” Keith asked suddenly “I know it was partly because of Adam, so you can work on the Atlas together, but there was another reason too wasn’t there?”
Shiro frowned, his brow furrowing “Yes… I felt like I’d failed as a leader. I was conflicted over it for a long time. I kept pushing myself, trying to be better. Eventually, I realized that leading Voltron just wasn’t right for me. I’ll probably always feel guilty for not seeing Lance was sick. You brought it up to me and I brushed it off. Lance said he forgave me for it but I can’t ever forgive myself. I always knew you could lead, I knew you had growing to do but that you would make Voltron into something amazing. I was right. I made some mistakes, but leaving Voltron was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”
“You’re a great leader Shiro, even if you weren’t perfect. Don’t think for a second that you didn’t teach us so much.”
Shiro smiled slightly and Keith scooted over to rest his head on his brother’s shoulder.
“I love you bud,” Shiro said, his voice so soft it was almost whisked away in the wind.
“I love you too,”
--
“So?” Veronica said. She was sitting cross-legged on Keith's bed, eyes pleading.
Keith sighed “I don’t know Vee. The journal… it was weird. All those dreams of that voice and taking ‘another path’ I can admit there’s something bigger there. He dreamed about the battle on earth. But quintessence is kind of like magic, isn’t it? I’ve seen Allura use it, I wouldn’t be surprised if somehow it was giving Lance a glimpse of the future but…”
“But you don’t think that means he’s still out there.” Veronica finished.
“I don’t see how he could be.”
“But the dreams Keith! The way he talked of dying, it wasn’t really like death, it didn’t seem permanent.”
“They were just dreams,” Keith protested “Look, I want him back too, but you didn’t see him when he was sick. He wasn’t himself for a lot of it, a majority of the time he wasn’t even coherent. They’re the dreams of a man whose brain was dying.”
“I know you still feel him,” Veronica said stubbornly.
“Right, and maybe he is here in a way, I have no idea what happens when you die. But he won’t come back to life, he’s gone, Vee.”
“I- I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” She said softly, the fight going out of her.
“I know,” Keith reached forward taking his friend’s hand “but we can’t bring him back, all we can do is move forward. I know he’d be so proud of you.”
“He’d be proud of you too,” she said tearfully.
Keith smiled “I hope so.”
--
“There is beauty in their flaws. I lost my father, my mother, and my planet to this war. We’ve all lost something. Our childhood,” Allura gestured to Pidge “our limbs, our security, our innocence, our friends…” she glanced to Keith “our lovers. But there’s more to be gained, family. I found a home, and a purpose in Voltron.”
Keith stepped forward “Every world, every reality. We learn and we grow, you’ve watched us a long time Honerva, you know I wasn’t always who I am today, none of us are. You lost your son, your husband. I understand why you’re angry, why you hate the universe for taking it from you. But destroying everything won’t bring them back.”
“This means nothing to me,” Honerva spat “I’ve seen more of the universe than you will ever comprehend, it is nothing but pain and cruelty.”
“What about your son?” Allura said earnestly “Lotor may have been misguided but all he wanted was to make the universe a better place. Don’t make the work he did be for nothing. Help us, change the tide of what you’ve done. I can do it, but I need your help.”
“It will kill you, young princess. Is that a sacrifice you’re prepared to make?”
Allura nodded, her mind was made up.
Honerva hesitated “you would die for my mistakes, after everything I’ve done you would help me with even this tiny sliver of redemption? You would sacrifice your life for it?”
“Of course, I would. If it is what the universe requires,”
Allura reached out her hand and Honerva slowly moved to take it, but before Allura could do anything a voice spoke from behind them.
“Don’t worry, it’s not. The universe already took its sacrifice from Voltron. I covered that one for you.”
Keith knew the voice even before he spun to face the person speaking.
“Lance,”
He looked the same, yet completely different. Dressed in the exact same outfit he’d always worn jacket and all, except Keith knew for a fact that Lance’s jacket was hanging in Keith’s closet on the Atlas. Lance strolled over ignoring the shocked faces of his former team.
“Honerva,” He smiled at the witch in greeting.
“Little One,” she hissed.
Lance just chuckled “You know luring me into that quintessence, leaving it in an unstable containment. It was smart you know. But you can’t avoid fate,” he clucked raising an eyebrow “really you just put it in motion by trying to get rid of me. And on top of that now you’ve dropped yourself into my home in your attempt to destroy reality. I guess All was right, things really do work out how they’re supposed to.”
“All?” Honerva asked taking a step backward like she was afraid of Lance.
“Oh yeah, physical manifestation of all existence? Or not really physical I guess, All is really just a voice but you get what I mean.” He shrugged. “I’ve been here for eternity waiting while All taught me everything I needed to know. And I’m not being that dramatic it’s literally been like a hundred thousand years or something, time is weird here. But you were kind enough to drop your power on my doorstep so I’m just gonna take that from you and then fix everything you fucked up. Comprende?”
“Wha—”
“Goodbye Honerva,” he put a hand on her chest and for a second the whole world seemed to glow before the witch crumbled to dust.
Lance brushed off his hands which were now glowing slightly before turning to the team who still stood shocked behind him.
“I knew you weren’t dead!” Veronica blurted out.
Lance laughed “well technically, I am. It’s complicated, debatable really. I’ll be happy to debate it another time. But it’s time to save the universe.”
He lifted a hand no doubt to do something big and magical.
“Wait!” Keith said.
Lance paused meeting Keith’s eyes for the first time in many years.
“I’ll see you soon?” Keith asked, his voice pleading. An echo of the words Lance had left Keith with in his letter.
Lance shot just shot him a half-smile, but it felt like a promise.
And with that everything around them turned to a blinding flash of white.
--
Five months later
They didn’t get to go back to earth immediately. It was months of communication with New Altea and Daibazal before they were even remotely ready to head home.
Turns out there are actually a lot of boring meetings when two previously destroyed planets suddenly reappear.
Keith was distracted, everyone could tell. He couldn’t stop thinking about Lance. Was he going to come back? Altea had come back to life, couldn’t a person too?
Finally, after five grueling months Kolivan sat Keith down, “I think it’s time for you to go home.”
“But you need my help—” Keith started to protest but the blade leader cut him off.
“the other paladins are taking a break, you need one too. Go to earth, visit that family of yours.”
Keith was confused for a moment, his only family was his mom who was on Daibazal. Then he realized with a start that Kolivan meant, Lance’s family.
“You have to keep me updated okay?” Keith frowned.
“We will, now go home Keith.”
--
Keith went to the Garrison first, he knew Shiro would be mad but he wanted to check in with them before he considered himself off-duty. Plus the meetings kept his mind off Lance, or the lack thereof.
Once Keith had rotted his brain away with diplomacy he headed over to Shiro and Adam’s place. As part of the Atlas crew, they’d been back on earth for three months now and had already managed to buy a house and get engaged (again). Keith was really happy for them.
“How have you been holding up,” Shiro implored when Keith joined them for dinner.
“Oh you know,” Keith shrugged “keeping busy.”
“Too busy I’ve heard,” Shiro shot him a look.
“Well I’m here now,” Keith made a face at his brother.
“Do you have a place to stay?” Adam asked, cutting them off before they could start bickering.
“Yes, I’m going to my shack.”
“Keith,” Shiro protested “that barely counts as a house you are not staying there.”
“No, I fixed it up last time we were on earth and Griffin has been checking in on it the last few months so it’s perfectly fine. Plus I’m only staying there a few days then I’m going to the Mclain's.”
Adam raised an eyebrow “James Griffin?”
“Yeah, I guess we’re kind of friends now.” Keith shrugged.
“Just friends right?” Adam asked carefully.
Keith stiffened “of course,” he said firmly.
“Keith,” Shiro started “you know… Lance did say he was dead, and it’s been months.”
“I know, even if I was completely sure that he was gone forever I still wouldn’t want to see anyone else. He was the love of my life Shiro and I don’t think I could ever love anyone else.”
Shiro let out a breath, surveying Keith sadly for a moment. Everyone knew the two of them had been together, they all knew rationally that Keith loved Lance, but he’d never said it so plainly to anyone besides Lance.
“I understand,” Adam spoke up “when I thought Takashi was gone I couldn’t even think about being with someone else. That’s okay, we just want to be happy and you can have a completely happy and fulfilling life without ever seeing anyone else.”
“Lance… he told me that I’d be okay without him once. I didn’t believe him back then, but I think I get it now. I’m okay and I think once life has settled down I’ll be more than okay. I’ll have a gap in my life without him, but I have my work, my family, Kosmo, the team, who I suppose is my family too. I’ll be alright,” Keith shot a look at Shiro “so don’t worry about me.”
“We’ll always worry Keith, but we trust you,” Shiro said gently.
--
When Keith got to his shack he was dead tired. Thankfully he only would have to unpack the small backpack he’d taken with him since most of his belongings were in his lion. He trudged up to the front door ready to take a shower and then sleep for a good twelve hours when he froze noticing a pair of boots he didn’t recognize outside the door.
Years of training had his knife in his hand, instantly on high alert. Keith crept through the house quietly, checking each room. The place was dark and still, he got to the bedroom last and pushed the door open silently, startled to see a figure lying on the bed.
“I’d prefer if you didn’t murder me,” the person said sleepily and Keith let his knife fall to the ground with a clatter.
“Lance?”
“Hey,”
Lance flicked on the lamp bathing them both in dim light. Keith stood there for a moment in complete shock before barreling forward and throwing his arms around the boy with so much force that it knocked them both off the bed.
Neither of them seemed to care as Lance’s arms pulled Keith impossibly closer, burying his nose in the black paladin’s hair. Keith might have thought this was all a dream if not for the soft warmth of Lance’s breath on his neck and his smell which was just so unmistakably him. Keith realized numbly that he had forgotten what Lance smelled like.
They pulled apart for a second to look each other in the eye, Lance’s gaze flicked to the scar on Keith cheek taking in every detail.
“I missed you,” Keith choked out, tearing gathering in his eyes.
Lance stilled at Keith’s words before surging forward and kissing Keith harder than he’d ever been kissed in his life.
Their hands were everywhere, they shifted like they could get even closer. Reveling in each other for the first time in many years.
“I missed you, I missed you, I missed you.” Lance whispered like a prayer into Keith’s skin.
When they finally broke apart again they were both out of breath, faces wet with tears. They were still on the floor but neither really cared at the moment.
“Are you back?” Keith dared to ask, his voice quiet. He was terrified of the answer.
Lance reached out, gently touching Keith’s jaw “Yes,”
Not for the first time in the past few years, Keith crumpled. Every stupid hope, every moment of darkness and grief he’d held onto since Lance had died came to a breaking point.
Lance reacted instantly, pulling Keith in and rubbing soft circles on his back as he sobbed.
“I won’t leave you ever again, I promise. I’m so sorry baby, it’s going to be okay.”
And in the dimly lit room, in the middle of the desert where it all began;
Keith knew Lance was right.
—
“I just woke up in the cave about five months ago,” Lance explained, he shifted under Keith’s gaze, god Lance had forgotten how intense that boy could be. “I guess it made sense, to come back to where we’d found the blue lion.”
“So you’ve been here for five months, does anyone else know?”
Lance shook his head “I thought about going to the Garrison, or better yet straight to Cuba but… I couldn’t. The thought of being around that many people, of trying to explain what had happened. I wasn’t ready. The only person I wanted to see was you, so I went here. I figured you’d show up eventually. I just hid out here, snuck into town every few weeks for food, and hid whenever James Griffin came to check. Let me tell you, he is not very good at checking up on this place.” Lance raised an eyebrow.
Keith shook his head “because I asked him to make sure it wasn’t about to collapse or burned down, not to make sure my dead boyfriend wasn’t camping out here.”
“Well… surprise?” Lance said weakly and Keith chuckled.
“So, what’s your plan exactly?” Keith started “are you ready to tell people you’re back? Do you even know how you’re back?”
“I think I’m ready, I just had to see you first. I suppose I should go see my family. As for how I’m back,” Lance shrugged “I know. I remember everything. I can’t really explain it to you, and I think some things will fade with time, but I’m not the same and I never will be again. I kinda know the secrets of the universe now.”
That felt like an understatement
“You don’t need to be the same, you just need to stay.” Keith reached out taking Lance’s hand “I’m going to see your family in a few days, maybe we can lie low and break the news then?”
“I’d like that,” Lance smiled softly “I love my family to death, but I could use a little quiet with you.”
“They’re going to be so pissed at you,”
Lance shuddered “I can imagine the scolding already.” His mama was not going to take to his little excursion kindly.
Keith just laughed, the sound echoing through the night and Lance thought that he could take anything as long as he never had to live without that laugh again.
--
“I can’t do this,”
Keith stopped in his trek to the front door to face his lover “Yes you can.”
“No, no. You go in first and placate them, make sure everyone is in a good mood then I’ll go.”
“They’ll just be happy you’re here Lance,”
Before Lance could argue further, the door swung open “Keith!” Lance’s heart dropped at the sound of his mama’s voice “what are you doing out here? come in!” she was holding a mug which she brandished dangerously in her excitement, one second from spilling her tea everywhere.
“Keith’s here?” someone from inside the house yelled and suddenly the Mclains were pouring outside.
“Your hair is longer,” Veronica complained pulling at Keith’s hair which made the man grumble.
“My hair is fine!” Keith protested which made Lance snort.
There was the sound of shattered glass as they were suddenly alerted to the presence of another person Lance’s mama spotted him.
In all his years Lance had never heard the McClains so silent.
“My boy,” she breathed, and then she was running down the front steps barefoot, paying no mind to the shards of her shattered mug on the ground.
He thought briefly that he was much taller than her, he swore she hadn’t been so small the last time he’d hugged her, but as she pulled him into the tightest hug of his life every other thought faded from his mind. This was all Lance had wanted, he’d dreamed of being held by his mother one last time. Suddenly the years seemed to catch up with Lance and surrounded by his family, Lance cried.
--
Once everything had calmed down a bit and Lance had recounted the entire situation (and been scolded for staying away so long) at least twenty times Lance’s mama clapped her hands and insisted it was time to make dinner.
It was strange how easily he fell back into the routine after all this time, Silvio and Nadia as the youngest of the family set the table and everyone else got assigned various tasks to help cook (except Rachel and their papa who were atrocious in the kitchen and instead always took clean up duty.
The only difference was Keith, who was currently chopping tomatoes with practiced precision while he listened to Nadia tell him all about her classmates who didn’t believe her uncle was the leader of Voltron.
He fit into the family so easily and Lance wished he hadn’t missed the days when Keith was no doubt unsure and still trying to get used to the McClains. He would have liked to see Keith learn and grow into his place here.
“Lance, you’re going to burn it,” Veronica complained waving a spatula in his face and forcing him to take his eyes off the black paladin. Three days alone with him hadn’t been enough, forever probably wouldn’t be enough.
Lance sighed taking the spatula from her and turning back to the food.
Once dinner was done everyone made their way to the table. Lance hadn’t had a home-cooked meal in ages and his mouth watered.
“This seat taken?” Lance asked playfully, leaning over Keith’s shoulder.
Keith turned his head to look up at Lance and their noses brushed “Sorry I don’t sit next to cargo pilots.”
“Don’t act so high and mighty, you’re a dropout.”
“And the leader of Voltron.” Keith pointed out.
“And? I’m the savior of the universe so I’m pretty sure I win.”
“I’m going to have to deal with you playing that card for the rest of our lives, aren’t I?”
“Keith, baby, the love of my life, I haven’t even pulled out the death card yet. You’re never going to win an argument again.”
Keith grimaced and the way his nose scrunched made Lance’s heart skip a beat like he was sixteen again. God dammit this boy was fucking adorable. Unable to resist Lance leaned forward pressing a kiss to his nose which caused Keith to laugh. Of course, Lance had to kiss that smile off his face too before dropping into the seat beside him.
“Hey, I still didn’t say you could sit there.” Keith tried to glare but his face was a little pink with happiness, and it ruined the effect.
“Like you could resist me,”
Lance could feel his family’s eyes on them. He knew when all this was a little less fresh he and Keith would be subject to relentless teasing but right now they watched the two of them with smiles on their faces.
After dinner they all went separate ways, some of them going to play board games and watch TV, the kids dragging Keith outside to play. He wound up on kid duty that night, playing with them and then getting them ready for bed.
It was late by the time Keith emerged into the living room where everyone else was sprawled out talking lazily.
Lance sat up at Keith’s expression as he entered, he looked tense, panicked as his eyes darted around the room. The other McClains seemed to pick up on Keith’s mood too because the conversation came to a halt.
“Hey,” Lance called gently.
Keith’s eyes fell on Lance but he still didn’t move from the doorway. Lance got up from the couch, reaching out for his boyfriend. “Are you okay?”
Keith hesitated for a moment before shaking his head. “I- for a moment I wasn’t sure.”
“Wasn’t sure of what?”
“If any of this was real, if I’d come to the living room and you’d be here.” Keith's voice cracked on the last word “I thought maybe I’d finally lost it.”
“No. This is real, it’s very real.”
“I dreamed of this, Vee said she believed you were still out there. I tried not to entertain the thought because I knew if she was wrong it’d break me… but I still dreamed about it.”
Lance stepped closer and said in a whisper: “You don’t have to dream anymore.”
--
On their last day in Cuba Lance couldn’t sleep. Tomorrow they were going to the Garrison, Keith had called a meeting but he hadn’t told them why yet. Everyone would be there, all of Voltron, his friends. The people who had watched him lose his grip, watched him die. It was an uncomfortable thought because despite coming back to life and being a sort of second-rate deity, he still had huge gaps from that time. Some of it came back, Keith would kiss Lance’s cheek or touch his wrist and Lance would get a sudden flash of memory when he’d done the same years before.
It was hard to switch gears when the last time Lance had been alive every coherent moment was spent trying to make peace with death. Now Lance wasn’t sure if he remembered how to live.
He hadn’t imagined anything past the war, now it was over and Lance felt a little lost. He didn’t know who he was when he wasn’t dying.
It was a long road to feeling normal again. Sometimes Lance would wake with a start, tears in his eyes, gasping at a memory that felt like another lifetime. Yet, Keith was always there to ground him. Sharing stories of Voltron, little snippets of life.
Lance knew Keith wasn’t untouched either, the black paladin had years to learn to shoulder his trauma as if it was nothing. It still took a toll. Some days Keith was stiff, eyes darting around the room, looking for a threat that wasn’t there. He’d grab Lance’s hand and refuse to let go, dreading looking away for one moment and losing him again.
Lance knew they’d need to talk about it all, sure they had done a lot of talking in Keith’s shack but Lance thought they’d probably be working through this for the rest of their lives.
“Hey,”
Lance turned his head to see Keith standing in the doorway, he hadn’t even heard the front door open.
Lance smiled slightly “hey,”
“Couldn’t sleep?” Keith shut the door behind him and joined Lance where he sat on the porch, legs hanging over the edge.
Lance nodded. Keith didn’t respond to that and they sat in silence, watching the ocean in the distance, the stars glittering in the dark above.
It reminded Lance of those nights on the observation deck when he’d been so lost and confused, but Keith always seemed to find him. In the dark, the endless expanse of sky and ocean almost looked like space. Lance was surprised by the jolt of nostalgia it brought him, he never imagined in all his time stuck up there, dreaming of home that he’d miss it.
“Do you miss space?” Lance asked suddenly.
Keith’s answer was immediate “Yes,” he hesitated for a moment “I- I’m going to go back,”
“I know,”
Keith seemed surprised by Lance’s response, turning to face him “you’re not mad?”
“Why would I be mad?”
“I dunno, you always talked about earth, how homesick you were. I figured you’d want us to stay here and when I left…”
“When you left what? I’d just stay here and end things with you?” Keith nodded hesitantly and Lance scoffed “absolutely not, I’ll go with you.”
“But you love it here,” Keith protested “you can’t leave.”
“Yeah I do love it, but I loved space too, and it’s different now. The war is over, there’s nothing keeping us from earth anymore. We can come back whenever we want, plus they set up communications here too so we can talk to everyone.”
“You’d really want to come with me?”
Lance cupped Keith’s jaw, tilting his head up to look in his dark eyes. “Of course, Keith. You aren’t losing me again.”
Keith just nodded slightly, his eyes shining in the dark and Lance leaned down to press a gentle kiss to his lips. The tension immediately melted from the black paladin’s shoulders and he pressed forward into the kiss. Before Lance even knew what had happened things had escalated and Lance was on his back on the porch with Keith straddling his lap.
They broke apart breathlessly and Lance giggled “this probably isn’t the place for that,”
Keith blushed “no probably not,”
“Inside?” Lance asked suggestively.
“No!” Keith swatted at him “absolutely not, your family!”
Lanced laughed “I like when you’re assertive.”
“Lance!”
—
“They can’t be more dramatic than your family,” Keith nudged as they approached the garrison.
“Maybe not, but I’m still not prepared.”
Keith stopped for a moment reaching out to grab Lance’s arm “if you’re really not ready we can do this another time.”
Lance shook his head “no, no, I can do this.”
Keith shot him a soft smile before turning and continuing their path towards the Garrison. Lance didn’t miss the change in Keith’s demeanor as they stepped inside and were met by Iverson. The softness seemed to bleed out of him and Lance thought that he looked every part the black paladin.
Seeing Iverson again shot a spark of anxiety through his chest, but as the man’s eyes fell on Lance and widened in surprise Lance straightened. Lance wasn’t a child anymore, a cadet who wasn’t good enough to make the program without Keith dropping out. Not to brag but Lance had beat death, saved the universe, lived (or not exactly lived, but existed) for thousands of years. He could at the very least look Iverson in the eye.
“Black paladin,” Iverson nodded “uh, McCLain?” His greeting came out more of a question.
“You got my message about a meeting I presume, where’s Shiro?”
“He’s set up in briefing room sixteen, the other paladins are already there.”
“Okay, thank you,” Keith glanced at Lance and lowered his voice “need a moment?”
Lance shook his head “Nah I’ve already done the whole revealing I’m back from the dead thing twice, what’s once more?”
Keith snorted and Lance liked the way his eyes glittered in amusement. “Then let’s go,”
Their walk to the briefing room was quiet, Lance tried to collect his nerves as they walked and Keith stayed silent by his side, their hands occasionally brushing as they walked. Keith entered the room first to a chorus of familiar voices.
“Keith!” Hunk exclaimed, “great to see you!”
Pidge was still the same, getting straight to the point “why the fuck are we here?”
“Pidge language,” Shiro’s voice scolded.
Lance lingered in the hall still out of sight as Keith shushed them “hold on,”
The black paladin poked his head back into the hall “ready?”
Lance took a shaky breath and nodded tentatively, noticing his hesitation Keith stepped out of the room reaching out. Lance let himself be pulled in, Keith’s familiar scent smelled like home and a fuzzy memory flashed through Lance’s mind.
Keith’s hair brushing Lance’s face, his arms tight around him as Lance buried his face in the other boy’s neck, his warmth. A haven in a life of constant pain and confusion. Lance didn’t miss being sick. It had been hard, he knew it had left a lasting mark on him. Yet, he was free now, alive, home. That was what mattered at that moment. They had the rest of their lives to worry about the scars they’d accumulated, they'd nurse each other’s wounds and get back on their feet.
It wasn’t easy, but then, it never had been.
Lance straightened up stepping back to look Keith in the eye “I’m ready,” he whispered.
Keith held out his hand and Lance took it.